 وأقول في القرآن ما جاءت به آياته فهو الكاريم المنزاله وأقول قال الله جل جلاله والمصطف الهدي ولا أتأوله الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على عبد الله ورسوله نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته نبدأ كما always with the praise of Allah and by asking Allah عزو جل to exalt the mentioned grand feast our messenger Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم and to his family and his companions سنبدأ with the Hadith of Abu Huraira رضي الله عن in which he said قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم إذا خطب إليكم من ترضونا دينه وخلقه فزوجوه إلا تفعلوا تكم فتنةهم في الأرض وفساد عريض This hadith narrated by Imam Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah in which Abu Huraira said the messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم said if a man comes to you to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage that's the understanding إذا خطب إليكم someone comes to ask for your daughter or whoever whichever other girl is in your care someone comes to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage and then the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم described that person with two conditions ترضونا دينه وخلقه you are content with his religion and his manners فزوجوه then marry her to him if you do not there will be a great trial on the earth and great corruption and widespread corruption This hadith really tells us everything that we need to know and in all honesty every other one of the characteristics that we're going to mention after this hadith is really just a further explanation of this hadith because ultimately the characteristics that we're looking for in the ideal husband those characteristics can be summarized with الدين and خلق religion and manners So to talk about religion I thought it's interesting to quote a quote of الحسن البصري رحم الله تعالى that a man came to him and asked and he said قد خطب ابنت جماعة فمن وزوجها He said a group of people have asked different people have asked for my daughter's hand in marriage Who should I marry her to قال مما يتقل الله He said marry her to the one who has تقوى of Allah فإن أحبها أكرامها وإن أبغاضها لم يظلمها He said if he loves her he will be good to her and if he doesn't love her he will not oppress her and if he dislikes her he will not oppress her So we begin with the صفة the characteristic which is the characteristic of the دين إذا خطب إليكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجه If someone comes to you to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage and you are content with their دين So as is found in this narration from Al-Hasan we go back to this and we say that the most comprehensive description of the دين is a تقوى and تقوى is the most frequent advice that Allah عز وجل repeats for us in the Quran and actually it's really interesting that in the خطبة النكاح the خطبة that is read in the نكاح typically three ayat are read these three ayat all start with the command to have تقوى all of them start with the command to have تقوى يا أيها الناس اتقوا ربكم الذي خلقكم من نفسهم واحدة صورة النساء the first ayah in صورة النساء then the statement of Allah عز وجل صورة علي امران يا أيها الذين آمنوا تقوا الله حق تقاته ولا تموتن إلا وأنتم مصنمون or you who believe have تقوى of Allah as he deserves for you to have تقوى of Him and do not die except as Muslims and the statement of Allah عز وجل from صورة الحزاب يا أيها الذين آمنوا تقوا الله وقولوا قولا سديدة or you who believe have تقوى of Allah and speak a word that is true so these three ayat which are typically read in the خطبة of the نكاح in the speech of the نكاح in which the نكاح is conducted those three ayat all three of them revolve around التقوى والتقوى الله الذي تساءلون به ولا أرحم have تقوى of Allah that you ask through Him you ask and you say by Allah I ask you for this and have تقوى of Allah as it relates to your relatives so تقوى بي is a theme of these ayat that relate to نكاح so the very first characteristics we're going to start with is the characteristic of التقوى and that characteristic of التقوى what does it really mean التقوى as some of the scholars defined it they said it is to act in obedience to Allah upon a light of guidance from Allah hoping for Allah's reward and to leave disobedience to Allah upon a light of guidance from Allah fearing Allah's punishment so what we see here is that تقوى is based around being Allah and leaving disobedience to Allah as for that in the language the word تقوى is to put a barrier it refers to putting a barrier so for example if you were to smash a glass on the floor and the glass was to smash into all of those pieces and then a person was to what would you do if you smashed a glass on the floor you put your shoes on and that concept of putting your shoes on to stop the glass from scraping your feet from piercing your feet that linguistically is what we call تقوى putting a barrier between something you between you and something you're scared of in Islam it's to put a barrier between the punishment of Allah the anger of Allah the curse of Allah and the fire to put a barrier between you how do you put that barrier by doing what Allah commanded you and by keeping away from what Allah commanded you to keep away from and one of the things we can take from this حديث is that the religion has to come first has to come first إذا خطب إليكم انترضون دي نهو that deen comes first the religion has to come first and that's something which a lot of people maybe don't realize the importance of they say yeah of course we want to look at religion the person should pray and so on but maybe they don't look at that first it doesn't come first for them maybe first for them comes their financial situation first for them comes their family background you know what kind of family they come from maybe first comes for them education but none of those are supposed to come first in Islam what's supposed to come first in Islam and before everything else is the deen so we look at the religion before and in front of everything else after the religion comes the good character now good character is actually a part of religion our having good character is a part of your religion وإنك على خلق عظيم indeed you or Muhammad have the highest standard of character so good character is a part of religion but at the same time not only I mean good character is a part of religion but it's mentioned separately here in the hadith because a person might not distinguish between those two things they might look at a person from the aspect of the religion that relates to their Ibadat and they're doing what Allah commanded and so on and they might look at that without giving attention to the person's character or without giving enough importance to the person's character and likewise we as husbands might do the same thing for ourselves that we look at ourselves and we look at for example in terms of just the general acts of worship the prayer and so on and we say well why would my wife have any complaints to make I pray I fear Allah with regard to my income and so on and so forth but there is a different aspect to think about and it is a part of the religion but it deserves to be mentioned separately and that's why it's given emphasis in the hadith and that is الخلق the person's manners because you can get people who are very religious in the sense of their practices in terms of themselves but the way they deal with other people might not be as religious or as in accordance with Islam so it's very important that we don't just look at the issue of the person's prayer but we also look at their character and the خلق really is the way that you deal with other people it can include no doubt it can include the way that you have your relationship with Allah that can be included in الخلق but if دين and خلق are mentioned together then دين and Allah has more of an emphasis on the person's relationship with Allah and خلق has more of an emphasis on a person's relationship with other people how a person deals with other people this is such an important thing it's so important that the Prophet gave it that emphasis دينه خلق his religion and his character so it's not just about his religion in terms of his relationship with Allah but it's also about how he treats other people and that is clear if we're talking about marriage we talk about the way that the husband treats the wife the kind of character that he has and we talked about earlier in the previous episodes we talked about المودة and الرحمة we talked about affection and we talked about mercy all of those are things which are important and come from a person's character so the person's character is something that we have to give a lot of attention to and as we've mentioned that تقوى we also have to mention the issue of امانة of responsibility that a husband should be a person who is responsible for the trust that has been placed with him the Prophet said in the hadith of جابر in صحي مسلم فتقوا الله في النساء فإنكم أخذتموهن بأمان الله واستحللتم فروجهن بكلمة الله the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he said in his خطبة that he gave his his speech that he gave the farewell speech in the Hajj this narrated by جابر رضي الله عن the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said هفتقوا of Allah with regard to women فتقوا الله في النساء في النساء فير الله with regard to women so we've already talked about taqwa and what taqwa is we talked about obeying Allah and not disobeying Allah as it relates to your families as it relates to your wives because and why we know this relates to your wives is because of the next sentence in which the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said فإنكم أخذتموهن you have taken them as your wives بأمان الله entrusted by Allah الله has entrusted them to you you have been entrusted to look after them and to take care of them we know the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said treat your wives well or treat your women well so here that it's an أمانة بأمان الله it's an أمانة in the sight of Allah وستحللتم فروجهن and their private parts became بكلمة الله by the law of Allah the decree of Allah the word of Allah عز وجل that Allah سبحانه وتعالى made this marriage permissible so it's something serious فتقوا الله في النساء take وحافتقوا of Allah عز وجل as it relates to women and so this is a matter of the characteristic of أمانة that the husband should be someone who feels the responsibility of the أمانة that he has and especially when you look at the husband as the head of the household or you look at the husband as the one being overall responsible for his family and we're going to talk about that when we talk about the dynamics of the family later on in subsequent episodes إن شاء الله the husband as the head of the family is in a position of responsibility and anyone in a position of responsibility needs that characteristic of أمانة because when you're in a position of responsibility you can use that responsibility in a good way and you can also abuse that responsibility so that brings us to the characteristic of أمانة being a person who is أمين is trustworthy reliable responsible is a good word to use that he's responsible and he takes seriously the responsibility of being a husband he doesn't see it as a reason to abuse his family his wife or abuse the responsibility that he has for his children instead he uses that responsibility in a way that is pleasing to الله consistent with تقوى and he's a person who takes it seriously and considers it something to be important and we spoke about the آية in سورة النساء و أخذنا منكم ميثاقا غاليضا they've taken from you a weighty oath from the characteristics that are important to find within the husband is the characteristic of being just we've already spoken about the آية in سورة النساء و إن خفتم أن لا تقصيط في اليتام فنكح ما طاب لكم من النساء مثنا و ثلاثة و رباع فإن خفتم أن لا تعدل فواحدة أو ما ملكت أي ما نكم ذلك أدنى أن لا تعولوا آية number three from سورة النساء if you fear that you will not be just with regard to the orphans then marry whoever you wish or whoever pleases you from women in two and three or four and if you fear that you will not be just then one or whatever your right hands possess and here what we want to take is the statement of Allah فأن خفتم أن لا تعدل if you fear that you will not be just and from this one of the conditions and one of the characteristics that should be present within the husband is العدل that he should be just and he should fear he should يخاف أن لا يعدل he should be fearful that he's not being just and when we talk about justice there are things that people can be just in and there are things that people can't be just in you can't be just in the affair of the heart your heart leans towards or whatever but you can be just in things like the way you spend the way you spend your money and so on and that being just is important as a husband and it's important also as a father so it's a really important characteristic to find within the ideal husband is to find that characteristic of not only justice but being fearful over being unjust being scared of being unjust and always really striving to be just and questioning yourself over whether you might have fallen short on that issue of being just from the characteristics that should be within a husband are those which come under the category of المودة والرحمة they come under the category of love and mercy and we've already spoken about the آية in صورة الروم ومن آياته أن خلق لكم من أنفسكم أزواجا لتسكنوا إليها وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة إن في ذلك لآيات لقومية تفكرون from the you from yourselves spouses so that you can live with them and find tranquility with them and Allah has placed between you مودة ورحمة مودة ورحمة ومودة is love and care and affection and as we said it's love plus يعني it's love and more المحبة وزيادة it's love and more so it's love in the sense of the love and it's also more than that it's looking out for them taking care of them being on their side these are all words that come under the topic of المودة and so these are all characteristics that we should expect from a husband we should expect him to be loving to be caring to be considerate and to have رحمة so we should expect him to be forgiving to have رحمة meaning that he is he's forgiving his goal and we know that the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم emphasized this in the way that a husband treats his wife and he spoke about فاستوس بالنساء خيرا treat your women well and we'll come to the Hadith later on إن شاء الله و تعالى that the woman was created from the rib and then if you try to straighten that rib you're only going to you're only going to break it so there has to be رحمة he has to be someone who is رحيم who is merciful towards his رحمةيسولمن يجب أن يصحت ي ضد spirit أن يبقى كان فكرة زفر الشباب الحكومة الذي يكون ربما something يجب ان يكون رحمة رحمة رحمة رحمة و مسlar هاتم من يجب أن يأخذ بسيطة ومسيطة لأخيه. فهذا هو من المشاركات التي ستتحاول أن تتحاول في حزياته. من المشاركات التي ستخبرنا عن المشاركات التي ستتحاول أن نجد في المشاركات المسيطة هي المتحدة من فالتما بن تقيس. She narrated this hadith and she narrated it in Sahih Muslim. And the background to the hadith is that she was looking to marry and there had been two people that had proposed to her. And the Prophet ﷺ gave her advice about who to accept or whose proposal to accept. He said as for Abu Jahm, he doesn't leave his stick from his shoulder meaning that it's that authoritative and that he lashes out. And as for Muawiya, he is poor. He has nothing. And when you look here, it means من لا يملك شيء. The person who doesn't own anything at all. لا ما للا. He doesn't have any money. إن كحي أسامة بن زيت. Instead you should marry أسامة بن زيت. She said فكريفته. She said I didn't really, I wasn't in favor of it. I didn't like the idea. ثم قال إن كحي أسامة. He said marry أسامة. فجعل الله فيه خيرا. الله puts so much good in it. And people were jealous of me because of it. People were jealous of me because of it. سبحان الله. This hadith contains two things that should be characteristics from the husband side. And it also tells us the good that comes from following those characteristics that are indicated within the Qur'an and the sunnah. First of all, these two proposals as for one of them was very sort of authoritarian. Doesn't leave the stick, lashes out. So the opposite of that is that the husband should be gentle and he should not be someone that lashes out. And we're going to come to that in another hadith also later. And as for the other person, this person didn't have any money to be able to marry. And we mentioned that when it comes to the issue of money that in Islam we go in the middle. We're not going to be extreme and say that the person has to be extremely rich. But they have to have enough to be able to fulfill the needs of the wife that they're going to take on in take up that responsibility in the sight of Allah سبحانه وتعالى. Then the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم recommended Usama ibn Zaid. رضي الله عنهما. And Usama ibn Zaid, he recommended him clearly stating that these two things were present within him. That he was soft and gentle and that he had enough to be able to get married enough to be able to meet the needs of رضي الله عنه. He said Mary Usama ibn Zaid. And when she followed that advice she said فجعل الله فيه خيرا. Allah put so much good in it. And that people were jealous of her in a good way. People were jealous of the good that she had from that marriage. From the حديث that also tell us one of the characteristics of the husband is the حديث of Aisha رضي الله عنه. She said كان النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم إذا صلى ركعة يفجر فإن كنت مستيقظة حدثني وإلا الطجع. She said رضي الله عنه the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم used to when he had prayed the two raka'at that come before فجر. He would look to see if I was awake. And if I was awake he would sit and talk with me and otherwise he would lie down. And we know the حديث of Aisha that we mentioned already from Sahih al-Bukhari كان يكون في مهنة أهلي. That the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was in the service of his family. So that's also a characteristic that you look for in a husband. Someone who's going to be who wants to spend time with his family who's going to sit and talk with them someone who's going to be in the service of his family. كان يكون في مهنة أهلي. He was serving his family في خدمة أهلي looking after them. And that's also a characteristic that you look for a person to have that feeling that he should be the one to serve his family that he should be the one looking after his family and that he should want to give time to spend and talk with his wife. And look at how the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم used to be. He would want to lie down because the evidence for that is that if Aisha wasn't awake he would lie down. He would want to lie down but instead he would look to see if Aisha was awake and if she was awake he would sit and talk with her. And if she wasn't awake then he would lie down. So that kind of characteristic within a person that a person has that care over their family that a person wants to spend time and talk with their family and a person wants to serve their family and seize it as their responsibility in the sight of Allah to do so. One of the characteristics which is very important and we can take this characteristic from Surah Al-Zumar from ayah number 9 الله عز وجل He said الله عز وجل He said And this is the characteristic of knowledge And I mentioned this separately from the others because it isn't necessarily on the topic of marriage as such but I felt it's so important and the reason I think that knowledge is so important is that husband is going to take his position as the head of the family he's going to be the one responsible for his wife and the one responsible for his children And if he doesn't have knowledge then how will he be able to judge in matters justly And how will he be able to fulfill the amana that is upon him How will he be able to make the right decisions about his family about his wife about his children if he doesn't have knowledge And here in the ayah the reason I chose this ayah from Surah Al-Zumar is that it links knowledge to action Knowledge is not something which is just theoretically he knows or he knows what a husband should be like but he knows and he practices So here perhaps we could say the characteristic is knowledge that is adorned with action knowledge that comes along with that comes along with action I just have a couple of more characteristics that I want to mention before we conclude the episode The first one Insha'Allah is Ar-Rifq Wal-Lin Softness and gentleness For this we have a hadith narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim the Prophet he said Water you or Anjasha Be gentle with the camels when you have on board the fragile vessels Here Al-Qawarir are those refers to the women the Prophet used the word Qawarir like the the fragile glass So the Prophet is commanding Anjasha here to be gentle and that is something that whenever we're dealing with the whenever we're dealing with our wives we're dealing with the women in our household we have to bear that in mind even though Anjasha was driving camels and the women were on board the camels were riding on the camels and he was told to drive them softly so I didn't describe them as Al-Qawarir the fragile vessels or the glass that is subject to being broken and that is something which teaches us the importance of gentleness The last thing that I'm going to mention insha Allah is a statement of the Prophet peace be upon him to Al-Ashaj who is Ashaj He said إن فيك خصرتين يحبهم الله الحلمو والانا He said there are two qualities that you have that Allah loves and again this is not specific to marriage but I feel that this is very appropriate in marriage الحلم والانا and الحلم is طبط نفس controlling yourself being not just patient because it's not a sabr الحلم is to have control of yourself to forgive not to punish quickly not to get angry quickly to be halem to be a person who is in control and a person who doesn't get angry or doesn't let their anger overcome them and الانا which is taking things slowly not rushing to make decisions and this is so appropriate when it comes to marriage there are so many things about this we could talk about when it comes to marriage but I believe that's a very important characteristic to have within the husband for him to be someone who is in control of himself he doesn't get angry quickly he doesn't throw the طلاق out quickly he isn't a person who threatens quickly but he's a person who takes things slowly and when he's asked about to make a decision he thinks about that decision carefully and makes that decision slowly takes his time these are two things that are beloved to Allah as the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said so that's all we have time for in this episode and Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم صلى الله عليه وسلم وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام عليكم if you're enjoying these videos and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running make sure you head over to amauathome.com