 When you struggle to get over the narcissist, when you struggle to repair the damage they've caused, when you struggle to move on, when you've dealt with a narcissist, it can be very difficult to rectify everything they've caused, because it's difficult for a normal person to understand that they were dealing with someone who is torn with their lives. Someone who saw their life as a game, as a recreational activity. It's difficult for a normal person to comprehend. It's difficult to get your head around it. It's difficult to accept that someone would do these things to you with no regard and no matter how many videos you watch, it will never make complete sense to you because a normal person could never put on an act. They could never pretend as though they cared for you, as though they're on your side, as though they have your best interest in mind. When really it's just an act, you would never think that a person would go out of their way to do that to you. You would think that they would have more significant things to attend to in their lives because otherwise that would mean they're completely insane. That would mean they're motivated purely by self-interest. It would mean they're motivated by their own desire, greed and gratification, which would be like something out of a horror movie. It's very creepy and cringy to even assume that someone could be like that. But then you meet the narcissist and it completely throws you off guard. It makes you question everything in life because you can't believe that it actually happened to you. You can't believe that it was real. It makes you question yourself. You assume that you must have misperceived something. You must have got it wrong because there's no way someone would do that to you until you eventually come to the conclusion that they abandoned you at a moment of difficulty. They punished and criticised you. They made you suffer and they didn't provide you with any assistance. When you desperately needed it, that's when you begin to wake up because they had no regard for you. They didn't care about what you were going through. That's when you begin to realise that they meant everything they said to you because when they would argue with you, they would say things that were below the belt. They would say things that were intended to hurt you. Things that were unacceptable. But then they may have come back and tried to make things right because they still had a use for you. But when you look back at those arguments now, you may think that maybe they did mean all of those things they said because of how they dealt with you at the end. They had no consideration for you. So when they gave you all of those criticisms and put downs, after you confided in them, after you entrusted in them, that was really how they felt about you. They couldn't stand you. After you gave everything you had, once you have dealt with a narcissist, you may feel like you don't care about anything. You may begin to act more like the narcissist. But deep down, you do care. You've just become numb. You've become deprived of feeling a responsiveness. You've become desensitised to where you're less likely to feel shock or distress at scenes of cruelty or suffering because you've been exposed to such treatment for a long period of time. You've experienced a lot of abuse, so now you're not easily upset by it. It may even seem normal to you because of everything you have learned from being around the narcissist because now you've been adapted to be suitable for a new purpose. They changed the form, character and function of who you are to where you've now become something that you're not. You've become something that you never were as a result of the abuse. You've become something unpleasant because the abuse had a negative effect on the inherent qualities of your mind character. You didn't start out that way with that mindset and that way of thinking before you were involved with the narcissist but you gradually became more experienced in the abuse until you were no longer easily upset by it until you became utterly fixed in these habits and ways of life until it affected the inherent qualities of your mind character because at that time you didn't have the abilities or the confidence to take on that type of situation so it completely overwhelmed you. It got you so much that it damaged you it impaired your normal function and this is why it lasts for so long. This is why you struggle to get over the narcissist and heal from the abuse because the abuse permanently altered your established set of attitudes which then had an effect on your behaviour but there are no instructions for how to live your life or how to respond to certain situations. These things are learned through experience but if all you've ever known is abuse it limits your response because as long as you have unhealed traumas that's the only thing that you can respond to and these traumas are the result of dealing with people who are unworthy people who are not deserving of your respect or attention but you don't have to change yourself you just need to change who you give yourself to the problem we often experience is that narcissists are masters at making themselves seem more valuable than they actually are so we have to learn how to assess people because if you don't properly assess them and instead you place value on things that are insignificant it's going to result in a loss which is why you should only be polite, respectful and considerate of people who are worthy you should only be friendly and welcoming to people who have qualities that deserve your effort but if they fail your assessment you need to hold back the problem is that many of us give everything we have to people without even conducting the proper assessment of their character you judge them by their appearance so you didn't know that they were going to be as disgracefully bad and unpleasant as they were you didn't know that they were going to be so destructive you didn't know about the lies and manipulation you didn't know about the games you just accepted it without thinking about it very much even though it may have been untrue which is why you confided in them which is why you trusted them because you assumed that they had your best interest in mind as you had theirs but from the very beginning it was an unbalanced relationship you were giving all of your efforts while they were planning to portray you because there's nothing else that they can do when everything goes wrong it's either that or they take the four themselves which is something that no narcissist is ever going to do because they're not fully invested in you they have everything to gain but they have nothing to lose while you're going in with great enthusiasm and commitment because you have a lot to give and a lot to lose which is how they were destined to portray you and the reason why the act of betrayal is so damaging to you is because your value and significance of the relationship is based off of the virtues and principles that you possess but the narcissist is just pretending to hold the same virtues and principles as you do they're just putting on an act while they're consuming everything that you have to offer they're taking everything you have to give while they're going along with how you expect things to be but they're not really about it and you're putting in all of the work until you end up looking like a fool it affects your ability to trust because you couldn't see what was happening to you which then causes you to change it causes you to try to adapt to the situation because if you couldn't see it coming you assume that there must have been something wrong with you and even when you try to tell people about what happened to you no one believes you because the narcissist keeps a code of silence they don't let other people see that side of them only the people who they are closely connected to will see it so when you tell other people about what happened to you it doesn't make any sense to them they can't comprehend that someone would do that it makes you feel like you're losing your mind because no one understands you but then you find my videos and it wakes you up to the truth you begin to realise that there really are people like this out there who are going out of their way to do these things to people who are completely unaware of what is about to happen to them and it may even make you look back and realise that this has been happening to you your entire life it's been happening to you your entire life with your family and friends people like your workplace the more you understand this the more it causes you to recollect other occurrences it causes other traumatic incidents to resurface into your conscious mind and it makes you question whether or not this is actually happening you just can't believe that it's real because before you came into this knowledge you never knew that this existed it causes you to experience reality shock which may cause you to become paranoid or you may choose to live a solitary life and avoid other people because these experiences have changed you so you're not going to be the same because now these experiences have awakened you to the truth but your entire life you never knew so it just makes you question what is actually real because what primes you to be involved with a narcissist place is something that occurred in your childhood it's something that happened within the family environment where you were already exposed to a narcissist where you already experienced narcissistic abuse you just didn't know but you must have experienced it already to then be susceptible to it and at the time it may have seemed normal it may have been played down by other members of your family they may have said that everyone experiences that and at the time you may not question it you may assume that what they're saying is correct until you experience more and more situations that are of a similar nature it becomes normalized that there were these behaviors from your childhood which is why we get involved in these situations without uncertainty or without being indecisive because we never knew because to us it was normal we didn't know that this was dysfunctional we didn't know that it was extreme behavior if we had known if we had learned about this in our childhood we would have ran in the opposite direction or we would have left at the earliest opportunity as soon as we became aware of it but when you finally reached this awakening and everything starts to make sense you begin to realize that everything you were taught was wrong and then you have to relearn everything all over again you have to see everything in a different way which can be a very difficult thing to achieve it's something that very few people have been able to accomplish because although you may have developed the experience and knowledge along with that comes feelings of deep distress caused by loss disappointment and misfortune but that doesn't mean that you have to run from this knowledge instead you should realize that you have now gained insight you have now become aware but when you lacked knowledge and awareness you continue to go through things that weren't good for you things that were harmful to you things that affected you emotionally but when you develop this knowledge you are no longer in that state of being a fool applied knowledge as power but with that knowledge and power also comes a lot of pain but you should prefer to be awake than to be asleep than to be unaware and repeat the same situations again and again but the narcissist does not want to accept knowledge they don't want to learn from their experiences because then they can no longer exist in that fantasy they can't accept reality because it's too painful for them to deal with which is why they keep repeating the same situations again and again because they're stuck at a lower level of consciousness and without the knowledge they cannot make the correct adjustments narcissistic personality disorder is a fixed state of being there are no adjustments their fate has already been sealed they have an inability to adjust but you can change you can adjust to what you've learned you can adjust your behaviors you can change the way in which you interact you can find alternative ways to do things so that you won't be easily exploited by a narcissist because they are looking for people who are kind and apathic they are looking for people who are easy to exploit they're not going to willingly put themselves in a dangerous situation they're cowards and they know that people who are kind and apathic are going to be more tolerable they're going to put up with it narcissists have a predatory sixth sense they can sense when you're that type of person which is why you need to be selective of the people you choose to help you can't help everyone some people are not deserving of your support because they will only take advantage of it they will only exploit you exploitative people can pick up on your behavioral patterns it's essential to their survival to do that so they need to be good at it which is why you need to reassess yourself because that is what makes you prone to being a victim thank you for watching I hope this video resonates with you please like, comment, share and subscribe if you would like to donate my PayPal link is in the video description coaching inquiries you can email me at coaching.narcsurviver.uk thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon