 Good morning, my beautiful internet friends, and welcome back. Today we have a Q&A with some pretty intense and also really fun and odd questions. I'm excited to get through some of these. We're going to dive in, but first off, thank you to all my patrons who ask these questions. This is a Patreon Q&A, so if you're a patron, you get a chance to ask a question. I will for sure answer it. And then I also ask over on the community tab, I get as many of those questions as I can. Let's start off with a fairly simple one. Myelin asks if I would ever go skydiving. Yes, I would 100% go skydiving. Ryan has tried to convince me to go skydiving for the entire time that we've been together. I've not done it. Ah, thinking about that moment of like actually getting out the plane makes my stomach turn, but I think that's probably true for all of humanity unless you've done it. Katie asks about regret. I don't think anyone should have regrets and wishful thinking, but is there one thing that you could go back and change and how do you think would impact you now? That's a difficult question for me to answer because sometimes people would be like, you know, if I could go back in time, I would not change anything that happened to me because it's mainly who I am and they're like grateful for every single thing that happened. I haven't quite reached that. Like some of the things that I've gone through are incredibly painful and difficult and I wouldn't wish on anybody and I can't say that I'm grateful that they happened. With that being said, if I went back and changed them, I would also not be the person that I am. Life would not look the way that it looks. Like it'd be super easy to say that I wish that I never would have returned home from college in Indiana. Like I was having a bunch of medical issues. I had to come home, but I wish that like I didn't. I wish I just stuck it out and stayed and I never met the person who screwed my life up for a long time and you know, all of that. But then I probably would have never met Brian. And I love my life now with Brian. And so it's one of those butterfly effect things, you know. I'll tell you what I do regret. I regret times where I was not compassionate enough towards friends just when I when I didn't know better. I can think of specific conversations I had with people before I really understood the impact of trauma or before understood the impact of a lot of things where I was the person that I know caused harm with my words, even though I was trying to be like nice and helpful. Like just just pray about it or like just turn it over to God or just, you know, you should just move past this or whatever. When what someone really needed was a listening ear or a friend to really be there and I was not that. That is something I regret. Pete asks, do I think my sense of identity has changed because of the physical change? I think my sense of identity is lost right now. I'm totally honest with you. I think that's why things are so difficult. Like I know, I know who I am, but I kind of don't know what that means. I know myself pretty decently, but I think that this physical change has had a lot more of an impact on me that I have been willing to really admit. I think I need to grieve it a little bit more than I've been willing to. So I think to some extent, I think it probably is impacting my sense of identity. My sense of identity is just kind of bonkers right now. Geer asks about the CBD. So I told you guys I was trying CBD oil to help with my leg. Yeah, I did, I did absolutely nothing. I didn't necessarily think that it would, to be honest with you, because it's significant pain and I don't really think that CBD oil is going to fix it and there's a bone growth, deformity and there's no muscle there and there's skin issues and all that. So like I didn't think that CBD magic oil was going to solve that problem and neither did my doctor. He just thought it was like a suggestion that might help with some of the pain. So I have an update for you guys very soon about what is happening with that. Oh, she also asked about water therapy. I have not gotten in the water yet since losing my leg. I really want to. I don't think you guys know this, but I actually used to be a competitive swimmer in high school. I was pretty darn good. Like my time's improved with every, with like every competition. So I'd love to get back in the water sometime soon. I think it would be helpful. Stump Kitchen, favorite brand of coffee, favorite coffee mug, favorite cream, sugar, favorite bean grinder. OK, so favorite brand of coffee. Are you guys ready for this? Are you really ready for this? Cause I don't think you're ready for this. My favorite brand of coffee. This is embarrassing. I'm not going to lie. I actually like Folgers. I expect lots of shaming, but I also really like Dunkin' Donuts. Dunkin' Donuts is probably like my favorite, favorite. My favorite coffee mug is a white one that has like blue flowers all over it. Blue and pink flowers. My favorite cream and sugar are just straight cream and sugar. Just like half and half and sugar. Rochelle asks how I spend the time immediately after a hard counseling session. I spend it like staring at my steering wheel thinking you should really, you should really drive Joe, but I don't have the energy to. Counseling is rough. It is not easy or simple. I actually have a video up on my TraumaTalk channel. I'll link it down below dealing specifically with that issue, like how you feel after counseling. Usually I feel wrecked. I feel like just all the energy has been ripped out of me and like I can barely think or move or function. And so I usually have to like go home and lay down. I schedule counseling for like the end of every day. So I don't have to go back to work, which I'm super grateful for. So it's rough. It's totally worth it, but it's hard. George asks, what do I do for just pure unadulterated fun? Something that makes me think to myself, geez, that was bloody fun. Let's do that again. I like that description. Oh, man, probably part of the problem. Part of the problem with my life right now is probably I don't have an answer right at the top of my head for that. I can think of things that bring me a lot of peace, that like bring me a lot of like fulfillment, but fun. I'm not sure. Like things I love doing is like on a Sunday morning, Brent and I will get up and we'll like go to a local coffee shop and sit on their porch and like just sip an Americano. That's awesome. I love doing that. Or we've been, you know, going out and just hanging out with good friends of ours or just like having Sunday movie nights with them or whatever. Like that is just like so normal feeling to me in a time when nothing feels normal. So that's a lot of fun for me. But what, what do I just, jujitsu, jujitsu was like fun, fun, fun for me. And I'll get back to that as soon as I bloody can. Filming and editing the video that I made about when I went back to the field where I fell off the horse. Like being able to play with that footage and like the cinematography and like the angles and like how I was going to put together and like the music and everything. That was so fricking fun for me. I love that. Let me know if you guys like that video and would like to see more videos like that. It obviously takes a lot more production time and like takes other people like I have to convince a friend. Thanks Aaron to come out and do it with me. But it was so fun for me and I hope you guys like that because I just felt like a little kid making that again. So that's something that's really fun for me. Kate and us after living in California and then moving to Colorado, I know how to say my state. Would I ever live in California again? No, I don't think I would. California is a great state, but there's a lot of people there and I like things a little bit quieter. I do like the ocean. I do like the beach. Mostly I like snorkeling. There's like a ton of snorkeling in California. I don't think I love Monterey Bay Aquarium. It's really cool there. I'd love San Francisco. I'd love to go back there as an adult. Yosemite is fricking gorgeous. But California is not really my kind of state. Can I let you in on a secret though? I don't actually like Colorado that much. Don't shoot me. Here's the thing guys. I love that I get to live in Colorado. I love that Colorado is a beautiful state. I love that there's so much hiking and amazing things to see and do here. It doesn't feel like home, which is weird because it is my home. We are seriously considering moving to Seattle or Indiana or New York City. Somewhere like that in the not so distant future. Some of those places are pretty pricey. So job situations would have to line up really well. But Colorado is amazing. I'm grateful to be here, but it's not my favorite. It's not my cup of tea. Leon asks, when I exercise, do I focus on one leg or the other or do I treat them the same? Okay, this is kind of hard for me because I hate things not being even. And now my body isn't even. If I think about working legs, I get so frustrated internally sometimes thinking about the fact that I can't work them evenly because I don't have my prosthetic leg just yet. Now, when I have my prosthetic leg, I'm gonna try to work them as evenly as possible. But if I'm trying to do squats or work some area of my leg, I try to work them as evenly as possible, but it's impossible because I can't put weight on my right leg, right? This is a point of frustration for me and a good question. Emily asks, is the pain I experience now, phantom pain, postoperative pain, pain from complications, any better than the pain I had in my ankle post-amputation or pre-amputation? In general, did the amputation solve your issues of pain? No, no it did not. It absolutely did not. For a while there it was better. Now it's about the same, but I don't have a leg. This probably contributes to the overall sadness. Yeah, it's gotten to the point where my leg is hurting all the time. Again, not phantom pain, like pain pain while I wait for surgery. There is no answer necessarily in sight but I will hold on to hope that it will fix it. I think it will because there are actual structural issues with it, right? The last part of her question is, do I then believe that I made the right decision? I still do believe I made the right decision. The reason for that is because there was literally no hope at all with my ankle that it would ever get better. It couldn't get better. With this it can. So there is like hope for a future. It's just that it's extraordinarily difficult to see right now. David asks, have I ever studied stoicism? Yes, I actually read a page out of the Daily Stoic every single day. I'm gonna link that book down below. Not every single day, that's a lie. I read it as many days as I can remember to do it. I love stoicism. It's actually a principle that I am learning more and more about. But if I could condense it down to a sentence or two, it's essentially the idea of a lot of personal responsibility and really taking responsibility for your actions and your emotions and separating your emotions from your actions and really knowing yourself and learning yourself and learning to control those things. Still feeling things, still allowing yourself to be human but not letting your emotions control you and dictate what you do. I think it's really cool and it can apply to absolutely anyone in any lifestyle and in your religion in anything. It's just a philosophy. So David, awesome question. Keep looking into stoicism. I love it. Also, one last question from Stump Kitchen. She asks, what's your best advice for growing YouTubers like myself to grow, stay true to myself and my brand and stay positive? First of all, Stump Kitchen is fantastic. If you haven't seen her channel, she's absolutely amazing. I love what she does there. She's super entertaining and fun. I have a lot of cliche advice on that subject and I'll say that maybe to be put in the middle of a longer video but if there's one thing that I think is maybe a little bit different than what everyone says. It was easy for me for a while to get lost in the idea of perfection or getting as close to that as possible. YouTube, if you wanna be quote unquote successful, whatever success means to you but if numbers is something that whoever you are, if you're shooting for that, YouTube likes consistency and quantity. So if your options are one video a week that's really what you want it to be or two or three videos a week that are good but maybe not like everything is absolutely perfect, the best option for growth in quotes would generally speaking be to do three videos a week, something like that. Something that I've learned to do is just film things even if every video is not groundbreaking and amazing and sometimes I post things that I know aren't gonna do well but I still wanna like share a message or whatever. It's hard to stay true to yourself because there's so much pressure to like be something on YouTube or succeed a certain way or do certain things. It's really hard to just be whatever you wanna be still because there's a formula to win, right? But I think reformulating what it means to win for me has been something that's really helpful. I'll keep like a folder of comments that people have left me saying that I impacted their life in a positive way. So when I get discouraged, I'm like, oh, I want it to like, I want more like growth or whatever. I'll be like, you know what, screw that. Look at these people who were so kind just to tell me that I impacted them and I'll focus on that and that helps me stay true to me. I'll do a longer video on that if anyone is interested on just kind of YouTube things. Let's hop over to the YouTube community tab now and see what you guys had for me there. Oh God, this is a good question. Natasha asks, in your mental health journey, do you ever feel or struggle with the idea that you're making it all up for attention or whatever and that if you really wanted to, you could feel better? Oh my God, yes, yes. So, so, so, so often. In fact, I have denied myself help and not gotten help for months at a time because of that very idea. I cannot tell you the amount of times that I've sat or driven around or whatever and thought, like you could be better if you really wanted to. Like this is your fault. You don't just, you just don't really want to be better. That message has rung in my head over and over and over again, that like this is your fault. You could get better if you really wanted to but obviously you don't because you are still suffering. Here's the conclusion that I have come to and this is just me. It was easier for me to feed myself that narrative that I actually had control than to come to terms with reality that I didn't. To come to terms with the fact that something was really wrong, that I was really, really not okay and that I didn't have control, that I actually needed help. It was easier for me to think I'm making it up and I could get over it if I really wanted to then to realize, like holy crap, I am not okay. I am really not okay and I really need help. Sometimes it's really hard to admit that we're really not okay. It's a great fantasy to believe that we're, you know, we really are okay deep down and if we actually just wanted to act as that we could, you know, we're just being dramatic or whatever when, oftentimes that's not the case. Oftentimes something really isn't right, you know, something really isn't okay and we need to take time to attend to that. Akira asks if I like horror movies. No, I hate them so much. And the reason I say it like that is because recently our friends have introduced us to horror movies and I've watched a number of them. They actually, like as bad as I thought they would be. I just, I don't like being scared. I'm so anxious all the time anyway that I'm like, why would I watch this for entertainment? I mean, like some of them are super interesting from a film perspective. Some of them are really fascinating and like I enjoy it to a certain degree but I can't stand jump scares. Jump scares are the worst guys. The only movie, horror movie I've ever seen in theaters I guess was It and La Llorona. Frickin' chock full of jump scares. I was just immune to it by the end of it. Stupid movie, it was a stupid movie. Anyways, no, I don't have any recommendations for horror movies because I don't like them. Hicca asks, what do I think about people who have B.I.I.D? B.I.I.D is body identity integrity disorder and that's essentially where someone believes that they should be disabled and some way they believe that they should be an amputee. I have a lot of compassion for people struggling with that. I think it's a very legitimate mental condition. I can't imagine what it would feel like to walk around every day for years on end feeling like something is on your body that doesn't belong there. I don't know what that feels like and I think that has to be very difficult. I don't know what the answer is. I hope that better treatments evolve. There's a lot of judgment out there for people dealing with that disorder because the idea that you have a perfectly good body and putting that in quotes, you're like your hands function but you feel like they shouldn't be there. Of course, it's easy to judge that but I've never been in that position. You may not have either and I think a lot more compassion is needed to find better ways to treat that illness, I think. That's just my two cents. Halas Alam asks, how do I shower with an amputee? It's like, great question. I actually have a whole video on that coming out in the near future so stay tuned for that. It is a challenge. There were modifications I absolutely had to make and I haven't eaten it yet, like fallen and like almost killed myself in the shower but every day it's a challenge. Last question. Do I ever want to ride a horse again? 100% yes. As soon as I can get back on one with a prosthetic leg and I'm not in significant pain, 100%. There's actually a therapeutic riding center not too far from where I am. I would really love to get in there and work with the people there. It'd be like a form of physical therapy. It helps with balance, it helps with the parts of your body. It also helps a lot with my mental health to be around horses. I love them, they're incredible creatures. I feel like they know things that we don't. They just know things about you that you don't have to explain and they just accept you for who you are. I love horses and I miss them and it's not her fault that I fell off of her, the horse that I fell off of. That's it for today guys. Thank you to all my patrons for submitting your questions. If you wanna make sure that your question gets in the next Patreon Q&A, hop over to my Patreon. Patreon, Patreon page. Yeah, that's what it's called and join it. Thanks guys for listening. I love you, I'm thinking about you and I will see you in the next video. Bye guys. And her from the sky all about.