 The Kraft Foods Company presents Wellard Waterman as the Great Gildersleeve. The Great Gildersleeve is brought to you transcribed by the Kraft Foods Company. Kraft makers of the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. We say one and only because there just isn't any other salad dressing like Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip is different and it tastes different. Miracle Whip tastes so good it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created. More Miracle Whip is sold in the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Try it. Make your salads better tasting with a one and only Miracle Whip. Well, let's see what's going on in Summerfield. It's a hot summer afternoon. The Great Gildersleeve is heading home, humping along in his shirt sleeves, carrying his coat, hat on the back of his head. What a day. I bet you could fry eggs in the paper. Frying my feet. I think I'll step into Floyd's Barber Shop and cool off for a minute. You know why those kids are peeking at me around the corner? Oh, bean cherries. Watch it, kids. Don't point those things at me. Hey, look out. Don't shoot. If I just get into Floyd's. I'll stretch it. Darn kids. Inspiring. You made it. Darn kids, there ought to be a law. Well, look what's going on in the heat wave. Hi, Commiss. Am I glad you got your shop open again, Floyd. I was nearly ambushed. What happened? Them kids out there get the reins on you? Darn little imps pepper me with beans. So let's face it, you ain't a bad target. Games in my ears. Down my car. They've been pasting everybody. I've had people running in here all afternoon. Floyd, why don't you do something about it? Why should I? The best day I've had since the day of the big rain. Beans in my pockets. Those blasted kids. Floyd, I'll bet you two to one with Leroy's in that bunch. Well, I ain't going out there to look. Imagine Leroy bean shooting his own knuckle. Brides George, that boy's getting out of hand. Turning into a juvenile delinquent. That's what he is. Ah, take it easy, Commiss. Boys will be boys. I don't care if they are. I gave Leroy explicit orders to stay at home this afternoon and clean up his room. And I'll see you later, Floyd. Play it gone. I'm going straight home. I'm going to be there when he comes in. There's one thing I won't put up with. It's disobedience. You better watch it going out the door. They can see you from around the corner. You're a sitting duck. They don't know I'm coming out. I'll take them by surprise. I'll be gone before they... Coach Bullseye, what are you going to name that kid, Doc? Well, I've got a good aim, too. When that boy gets home, I'm going to use it. I'll scorch his jeans. Excuse me, buddy. Stop it. You got beans on the brim of your head. I was peppered from behind, ambushed by a bean-seller. Kids nowadays have no respect for anybody. No, sir. Bertie, as soon as Leroy comes home, tell him I want to see him immediately. Leroy? Oh, he's home already. Oh, he thought he'd pull the fast one. Charlie took a shortcut. Let him get here ahead of me. Leroy! Yes, sir. Who knows I'm under him. Leroy, where are you? You stay there. I'm coming up. Then I'll be ready in about half an hour. You won't have to set a place for Leroy, Bertie. I think he'll eat standing up. Yes. Leroy? Leroy, don't try to soft-soak me. I'm too smart for that. I can see you right through it. Where were you ten minutes ago? I was right here. No, my boy. Let's be honest. Take your punishment like a man. Punishment for what? You said I should clean up my room, and that's what I've been doing. You've been here all afternoon? Yes, sir. Bertie will tell you. See, I got the place all fixed up. It's keen, huh? Well, I guess I made a mistake. I thought you were with those kids down in the corner. Me? Oh, no, Uncle Morse. I do what you tell me to do. Sure you do. I'm sorry, my boy. I just want to do what you want me to do. You're a fine boy. You're obedient and frustrated, and your uncle is proud of you. Thank you, Uncle Morse. You bet. Your manners are improving, too. You're going to be a real little gentleman. Thank you, sir. Leroy, you don't have to salute. No, sir. Thank you, sir. I'll return to my work now. All right. Oh, sure. Yes, go right ahead. See you at dinner. Yes, sir. Goodbye, sir. Well, it's your duty that boy's going. I may not even put him in college. I'll send him straight to West Point. Oh, hello, Marjorie. Coming right down, my dear. Yeah, little Leroy. He's more like his uncle every day. Yes, sir. Uncle Morse. Bronco hasn't been over here, has he? He said he'd be home at... Where's the Mandel clock? Clock? Oh, he stopped running yesterday. I guess Bronco took it down to be fixed. Easy, sir. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh. It was time, little family. Dinner cooked me in the kitchen. Life is good. Yes, indeed. Well, here's Bronco. Hello, folks. Hi, I'm Morse. I thought I'd find Joe over here. Hello, dear. What do you mean, Mr. Goldersleeve? Hello, Bronco. Tonight I would turn bearing gifts. Oh, would I be? Let's see. Oh, well, it's just one. Oh, it's a box. It's the very newest thing on bringing up children through the modern way. It's by a child psychologist, Dr. H. L. Yagley. Uh-uh. Look at that title. Hmm. Out of the rompers and into the teens. Oh, this is wonderful, Bronco. It'll tell us exactly what to do with the twins. Oh, sure. This is the latest thing. All the new ideas. Look here on page three. It says, your child will have a mind of his own. Let him use it. That's so true. Yes, but... Go on, dear. Doesn't he read beautifully, Auntie? He also says here, Beware of the perfect child. Danger lies ahead. What's this? Be a parent, not a policeman. The child who obeys without question is building within him serious frustrations. Well, I know, but... Welcome the eager, inquisitive child. The searching mind. The stubborn spirit. Pity the child without will or imagination. A sad little machine grinding out good behavior to feed the ignorant ego of some overbearing mother or father, aunt or uncle. Uncle? Oh, my goodness. Isn't that great, Mr. Gillisley? That fellow Yagley knows about children. Yeah, he certainly does. I suppose he has a big family. Oh, yeah, he's a bachelor. If he was married, he wouldn't have time to learn all these things. That follows, I guess. Well, at least we don't have to worry about Leroy. Auntie, there's nothing perfect about him. Well... How are we better be going, Mr. Gillisley? We've got to pick up the twins. They're over with my folks. Well, I'm all ready. Grab my coat. Bye, Auntie. Goodbye. Goodbye, children. I wonder where Bronco got this book. Ridiculous stuff. Beware of the perfect child. Danger lies ahead. You know, they probably just made that up. Dr. H. L. Gager. Got an awful lot of letters after his name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As Marjorie said, Leroy isn't perfect. Not by a long sock. Telling birdie. Simply because the boy stays in the house and cleans his room, doesn't make him perfect. Maybe his feet are perfect. Leroy! Come to dinner and wash your hands. Sure I am. I'll wash. Now that's what I call a real good boy. Real good. Leroy, you didn't have to come rushing downstairs just because I called you. Oh, when you call, I jump. Shall we be seated? What are you doing behind my chair? I'm holding it for you. Thank you. Sit down, my boy. Thank you. Are you going to sit straight on your chair? Yes, sir. Why don't you sit like you usually do on one corner? I sit straight at the table. That's what you tell me to do. Yeah, you're all right. You relax. I'm not a policeman. I'm a parent. I'm relaxed. Good birdie. Thank you, Leroy. Hey, if you're fine. Boy, Mr. Hill, please. Oh, yes. May I serve you the crackers, Uncle Moore? Leroy, don't have to say may I serve you the crackers. Do like you always do. Yell, catch. You always said I shouldn't do that. That doesn't mean that you can. I'm not the king around here. You are for me. No, I'm not. I'm just a plain-on. This is because I tell you to do something. Doesn't mean you have to do it. Yes, it does. Who said so? You did. Why do you have to pay any attention to me? Where's your stubborn spirit? I don't have a stubborn spirit. Yes, you do. Now you use it. If you don't stop doing everything I tell you to do, you're going to be punished. Yes, sir. And don't say yes. And don't say no, sir. Yes, sir. Oh, my goodness. The great bill this leave will be back in just a minute. Next time you want to serve something really special in the way of a cold main dish for a luncheon or supper party, try this. Make a wonderful shrimp salad with sliced celery, sliced stuffed olives, and for a cruelly elegant touch, add some chopped walnut. Now, of course, you want to be sure to use the right salad dressing. A salad dressing with just the lively teasing flavor you want. So choose the dressing with the flavor millions of folks call just exactly right. Choose Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip salad dressing is simply delicious with a happy different flavor, a flavor you won't find in any other salad dressing. It's made by craft from a secret recipe and combines the best qualities of old fashioned boiled dressing and fine rich mayonnaise. Miracle Whip has perfect texture to it's creamy thick and smooth as softened because it's blended thoroughly with special craft beaters. Use Miracle Whip on your salads. Whether they're fancy ones or the simple day in, day out favorites, they'll taste better than ever made with Miracle Whip. That's why Miracle Whip has become America's favorite salad dressing, outtelling the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Just be sure you see the name on the jar you buy. Miracle Whip salad dressing made by craft. What's that? Now let's get back to the great gilder slave. It seems our water commissioner is having a little difficulty with his nephew Leroy. Is Leroy must be hitting? No, it's just the opposite. He's being too good. It's after dinner now and the great man is in his study. Why did Baku have to bring this dine book home in the first place? This caused nothing but trouble, Bertie. Yes, sir. I'll get it. Here's the front door, Bertie. Yes, sir. Good evening, Bertie. Oh, good evening, Judge Hooker. Is Summerfield's water commissioner at home this evening? He sure is right there in his study. Thank you, Bertie. Judge Hooker, can I see you in the skill tree? Yes, thanks, Bertie. Well, good evening, gilder. Hello, Judge. Pull up a chair and sit down. Stay at home this evening, I see. I have a lot of things on my mind. To use the vernacular of the sea, gilder, I thought you would put your old hulk in dry dock for repairs. What's this? After your great running battle with the boys down at the corner. Floyd told me about the peppering they gave you. Gabby, Barber. I understand that you barely made it into port. He said they shot away your mithin and forehatch and you came in listening to starboard. Oh, Judge, stop prattling. I haven't time for your chit-chat. By the way, what time is it, gilder? I noticed the clock on the mantle is missing. Everything's topsy-turvy in this house tonight. I'm worried about Leroy. Was he one of the boys on the corner? No, but I wish he had been. There's a terrible change to come over the boy, Judge. All of a sudden, he's doing everything I ever told him to do. What's this, gilder? For no reason whatsoever, he's turned into a perfect boy, a model child. Well, isn't that thought. Fine, it's awful. The boy has no spirit, no will of his own. Here, look here in this book, modern child racing. It says, beware of the perfect child. Danger lies ahead. Where does it say that? I don't see it. Right there, Judge. Right there. Oh, yeah. And look here. The child who obeys without question is building within him serious frustrations. And the raid Leroy is going to have frustration coming out of his ears. Oh, poppycock, you're there. Poppycock, nothing. You wouldn't recognize Leroy. Going around here, acting like little Lord Fronty Leroy on Christmas Eve. I can't believe that. Good evening, Judge. Oh, good evening, Leroy. If you'll excuse this interruption, Uncle Morse, I'm writing thank you letters for my birthday presents. These are, these fans superb with a single or a double B. Oh, brother. S-U-P-E-R-B, Leroy. Thank you, Judge. What a perfect little gentleman. You don't say that, Judge. Leroy, I have a keen idea. Birdie's down in the basement. I'm going to sneak out in the kitchen and grab something out of the icebox. You don't want me to do that. Well, do it anyway. You want to become a sad little machine grinding out good behavior? You told me not to eat between meals. Leroy, stop doing what I tell you. Use your imagination. Where's your willpower? Yeah, Leroy is right. You must not criticize him for obedience. He's building character. You know a lot about it, Judge. Thank you, Judge. Thank you, Uncle Morse. I'll return to my room now. Cheerio! Cheerio! Well, that's all my fault. I've been an overbearing uncle. I crushed the boy's spirit. He doesn't dare call his soul his own. Well, if you ask me, Gelde, I say you're extremely fortunate. Well, nobody asked you, Horace. Well, I was a boy once myself. And I was a model child. Yeah, and look what happened. You're an old girl. Gelde? Maybe the boy's not feeling well. Yeah, that could be it. I, George, I'll run down to Phoebe's. He'll recognize the symptoms. What symptoms? The symptoms of perfectionitis. Oh, Mr. Gelde, it's for you. What can I do for you this evening? I want to talk to you, Phoebe. I've got a real puzzle. What is it? The kind with two bent nails? No, Phoebe. It's Leroy. I can't figure out what's happened to the boy. He's changed completely. Between. He's become practically angelic. He's got a halo around his head. This is Leroy you're talking about? He isn't the same boy. He won't disobey. There's everything I tell him to do. Won't do anything wrong. I'm worried. Could he be sick? He hasn't gotten very sick to me. How do you feel? Yes, I try. Blame it on me, Phoebe. I guess I'm the one who did it. All these years making the boy behave. Filling him with frustration. Breaking his spirit. Oh, customer. No, it's Leroy. Good evening, Leroy. Phoebe, hi. Leroy out running around. Way past your bedtime. It is past your bedtime, isn't it? I don't know. Can I have some bubble gum? I don't want any. This boy is slippery. Watch me slide. Watch it. Is this the little angel you were talking about? Well, George, Phoebe, he's coming out of it. Are you sure he was ever in it? Can I have a coke? Can I have a coke, Mr. Phoebe, in a bottle? With a glass and a bottle. Give me a drink. Leroy is old happy self again. Thank you, bottle. I'll pay for it, Phoebe. Just put it on my bill. Hey, look what happens when I shake the bottle. Leroy. Watch out for the magazine. What were you saying? He's back to normal. I can't figure it out. He may have been hitting for normal, but I think he went past it without stopping. Oh, you don't know what a relief this is, Phoebe, to see him acting up again. He's so eager and quizzed a little mind back at work. Isn't it great to see him just the way he used to be? No, I wouldn't say that. Well, I feel better. See you later, Phoebe. You back, Miss Kelsey? Yep. Where's Leroy? Did he come home? Yes, sir. He's home all right. He's been gassing around his house, cutting up diodes. What's got into him, Miss Kelsey? Well, it just shows he's a normal, healthy boy birdie. Full of spirit. Yeah, I listen to that birdie. No frustrations in that boy. Now there's no roof on his house. Leroy, what happened? I was right, my dream. That's the way a boy learns by making a few mistakes. Well, he's getting a fine education tonight. Now, Bronco, remember the book. Remember what it says. Leroy has an active, eager little mind. Yeah. He'll pick up the pieces at the table, and Leroy'll know better than to do it next time. Won't you, my boy? Yeah, next time I'll do it on the dining room table. You'd better run to bed now, Leroy. You had a busy day. I don't want to go to bed. Let's wrestle. It's actually 10 o'clock, Uncle. Hey, Mr. Goldersleeve, what happened to the clock that was on the mantle? I thought you took it out to be fixed. Oh, not me. Let's get something on the radio. Yeah, Leroy. Everybody has to go to bed. You're going to bed? Well, not right away. Let's wrestle. Leroy. No, we better go home, Marge. Good night, Mr. Goldersleeve. Good night, Uncle. Good night, kiddies. Now, you see Leroy, it's pretty late. Everybody's turning in. And you're tired. Let's wrestle. Leroy, I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just suggesting. Let's wrestle. I'm not going to wrestle. Want to throw a football? No. Basketball? No. It's time for you to go to bed. I want to go to bed. Leroy, what's the matter with you? I got a stubborn spirit. Well, so am I. You get up there to bed right now. Leroy, for sure you get up those stairs or I'm going to get the ruler. I'm going to find that thing and throw it right in the ash can. Out of the rompers near the teeth. Ooh. Follow that thing and the child and into jail. I guess so, Bertie. It got quiet in here all of a sudden. Do you want to go to bed? Yes, I find he had to chase him upstairs. Don't be angry with him, Miss Guilty. He's just a little boy. You can be pretty exasperating at times. But he don't mean it. No, I suppose not. By the way, Miss Guilty, what happened to the metal claw? Did you send it out to be fixed? Not me. Who did? I don't know. Probably had something to do with this silly book. She even got the clocks all mixed up. Yes, sir. Oh, we'll find it in the morning. Sure. Good night, Miss Guilty. Good night, Bertie. Maybe I was a little hard on Leroy. I didn't do anything. I guess I sounded pretty mean though. I mean, he is just a little fellow. Trying to do his best. You know what the heck. Probably better go up and say good night to him. 11 o'clock by my watch. One of you is asleep. He was asleep. Just trying to do what you wanted me to do. What do you mean? I found that psychology book you were reading about kids. Oh, so that explains it. Well, we're going to forget the book, both of us. We'll just be the way we are. Okay. Leroy. Yeah? Why was it so important to please your old uncle? You know the mantle clocked? Yes. I tried to fix it. Oh, how'd you come out? It's under my bed. Oh, so that was it. One, two, three, four. Say, it's running again. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. Right, George, you did fix it. I did. What a fine boy. 12, 13, 14. We'll be with us again in just 30 seconds. Nothing goes quite so well with the hamburgers. We all like so much as really good coleslaw. And to be sure your coleslaw is at its delicious best. Make it with Miracle Whip salad dressing. Miracle Whip will give it a wonderful flavor, a flavor that's peppy and just sharp enough. A flavor your whole family will like. Treat your folks to some good coleslaw soon. And remember, to make it better tasting than ever, make it with a one and only Miracle Whip. Have you seen that book, Marjorie, left here? Out of the robbers and into the teens? No, sir, that's... Yes. Can't find that child psychology book of Marjorie's. Have you seen it? No, you haven't left. Everything's disappeared. I don't know what I'll tell Marjorie when she comes over for it. Probably cost Bronco a pretty penny. Want me to think up an alibi for you, uncle? No, no, you run out and play. Okay. Looks like I'll need some kind of an alibi. What could have happened to that fool book? Marjorie puts so much faith in that child psychology. You home, uncle? Oop, here she is. Uncle Mort... I know, my dear, I know. You're looking for that child psychology book. I'm very sorry. That isn't why I came over, uncle Mort. I just wanted to borrow your car for a few minutes. Oh, is that all? Help yourself, my dear. Marjorie. What about that book? Oh, I have it. And it's coming in so handy with the twins, uncle Mort. Oh? Uh-huh. We put it on a chair and Ronnie sits on it. It makes him just the right height for the table. Oh, now there's a smart girl. Good night, folks. Walter Tetley, Mary Lee Roth, Lillian Randolph, Earl Ross, Arthur Q. Bryan, Dick Grena, and Dick LeGrand. Musical compositions by Jack Meakin. This is John Heaston saying good night for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Kraft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday throughout the summer for the further adventures of The Great Gilderslee. How good can a sandwich be? Just make it with miracle sandwich spread and see. Miracle sandwich spread is made by Kraft from America's favorite salad dressing, the one and only miracle whip and some very special spicy relishes. It's different and delicious. Try it. Use it with your favorite sandwich filler or just by itself between slices of bread. Tomorrow, stop at your grocers and bring home a jar of miracle sandwich spread. Blood and blood plasma are saving many lives in Korea and in order that we may have an adequate supply of blood ready for use, the Department of Defense is calling for all Americans to roll up their sleeves. Please call your local Red Cross Chapter or Blood Donor Center for an appointment to make your donation of blood for the armed forces. Tonight, enjoy the best of Groucho on NBC.