 show. Harold Perry as Honest Harold the Homemaker. Well there's a lot of excitement in Melrose Springs for its almost election time. The talk of the town is who will be the next mayor. So far there are two candidates for the office. Honest Harold's boss Stanley Peabody, manager of the local radio station and Honest Harold himself who has been drafted by his listeners. It's morning now and we find the people's choice at home. Shaving. Just can't believe it. I'm really running for mayor. Kind of scared though. Never made a political speech in my life. Let's see when they call on me I'll say thank you Mr. Chairman. Ladies and gentlemen where did I put that shaving brush? Oh I mean ladies and gentlemen well I really know you too well to call you that. That doesn't sound right. Better start over here. Fellow citizens first I'd like to explain to you why I'm running for office. There's a group in power now there's pocketed too much of your money. Now I want a chance. Better rehearse this. Now let's see. If I'm elected I promised to work in the best of my ability and if my opponent sucks the shaving brush in my mouth. Yes mother breakfast is almost ready how do you want your A. Speaking of my opponent Stanley Peabody he's inefficient incompetent and his brains are scrambled his brains are scrambled. Think I'll keep that in. Good morning station K. H. J. P. Mr. Peabody I'll ring his office. There you are. Good morning Laurie. Good morning Mr. Mayor. I'm not mayor yet. Well you will be. I think you're just the kind of mayor we need you're honest a plain man of the people while you're another Abraham Lincoln. No he was taller. Besides you have awful cute dimples. Gloria campaigning for mayor is a very serious thing. The only reason I'm running is that so many of my listeners wrote in and asked me to the people of Melrose Springs want an honest city government and if I'm elected that's what I intend to give. Thank you. Last night I thought of some wonderful slogans for your campaign. You did. Yes listen to this one honest Harold is awfully nice if I can get away with it I'll perform twice. Gloria that's not honest and he'll pass out cigars kissed babies with them I'd like to be the baby kissed by him. Oh my goodness here's another one Stanley Peabody is great he thinks but confidentially I think he's. And Harold you know what else I'm doing what whenever I answer the phone if Mr. Peabody isn't around I always say don't vote for Stanley Peabody he's a drip. Oh yeah you do. Oh that's wonderful. Somebody's calling out listen to this hello station don't vote for Stanley Peabody he's a who's this Mr. Peabody. You must have the wrong number goodbye. Gee I guess I'm an X PBX. Gloria yes sir if you don't stop that campaigning on the phone I'm going to make a switch at the switchboard. Yes boss I want a few words with you in my office kindly walk this way nobody could walk that way. Got the door yes sir not from the outside come in here and for you still persisting in this idiotic idea of running against me for mayor well it yes how ridiculous. Why you have absolutely no experience while I come from a political family why before he came to America my grandfather had a seat in the British Parliament. He did and after he moved over here he still kept his seat in England. Must have been an awful spain on a suspender. Very fun. Well I like it and have you any idea of what it takes to become mayor certainly the most votes precisely and in order to get those votes you have to have an organization do you know what's behind me. Sure the water cooler. No a political machine and I have news for you my uncle is supporting me. He's been doing it for years. My uncle has a lot of influence in this town and I have a lot of others working for me. Do you have a machine. Well just my 36 Essex. Oh you mean a machine. I'll bet you don't even have a campaign manager. Well I don't need a campaign manager the people know that I'm honest and that's all is necessary. Why don't you give up and you haven't a chance. Do you think the people of this town are going to vote for an idiot a fool a moron. I don't know Stanley will see how many votes you can get. Just trying to scare me out of running that's all. I don't need any. What's that on the telephone pole. A poster with Peabody's picture. There's one in the next telephone pole in the next one. What's that poster say. Vote for Stanley Peabody. Don't derail the train of progress with the jerk. That's pretty clever. I do need a campaign manager. Maybe old doc yak yak the veterinarian can suggest somebody. I'll go see him right away. Soon as I draw a mustache on Peabody's picture. So you think you need a campaign manager. I sure do doc can you suggest anybody. I think I know just the father for the job he's intelligent hardworking and he's the shrewdest man I know. I'm afraid to ask you this doc but who. Me. No. Doc I appreciate your offer but I think I'd better try to get somebody else. Excuse me now I've got some work to do. Oh no I've heard his feelings. I'm just offering my services as an old friend but if I'm not good enough. I didn't. All right. Nobody just an old horse doctor. Doc all horse. Love me why there's not a cock a spaniel in town that wouldn't share his last can of red heart with me. Doc I do anything for you you know that you can be my campaign manager. Okay Harold if you insist. Candidate let's get down to business and got to campaign speech well sort of. Well the first thing you got to do is try it out on you. I want my animals. What best way to tell if your speech sounds sincere the animals can spot a phony a mile away but doc on I'll take you into your audience. Fellow citizens I want to introduce our next mayor on this. Start your speech and don't forget be sincere this is ridiculous. Ladies and gentlemen. Doc what's the matter with that baby goat. She's hurt you just said ladies and gentlemen but you left out the kids. Ladies and gentlemen Oh and young goats never have I seen such intelligent face. You're not sincere. And with your support fellow voters I'll defeat my opponent Stanley Peabody while be like leading a lamb to the slaughter. I'm sorry. There's a phone. I'll be right back. I didn't mean to insult you little animals. I love animals honest you can ask my cat I got some bad news that was a glory at the station what Stanley Peabody has hired a big sound truck he's going to campaign around town in it this afternoon. Oh that's going to cost me a lot of votes. Not while I'm your manager. I've got an idea. What's that. My brain's ticking away every second. Stop taking bows doc tell me your idea. All right I'm going to build you a float on my buggy out in the barn. A float. I'll paint some signs on it and hit you to my horse it'll remove then we'll follow Peabody sound truck all over town. That'll be a good idea. I think you got something there doc sure now we've only got an hour you better go to the marshal's office and get a parade permit. All right doc and you'd better hurry. Mayor. That sounds pretty good. Thank you doc. Thank you voters. Better hurry parade starts in an hour. Pete the Marshal is so slow it'll probably take him that long just to make out the permit. Oh my goodness Pete's old father Cleat is here today slower than Pete. Cleat I want you to do something for me right away. Now just a minute have we've got a new system here. What. Take a number there. I'll call you when it's your turn. Oh all right. Take a seat over there. That's it. Now what's your number. 65. Number 65. What a system. Now look here Cleat I'm in a hurry I want to permit for a float this afternoon. Now just a minute have to fill out a form. Name please. Margaret O'Brien. Margaret O'Brien. Let me write that down. When did you cut off your curls Margaret. Very funny. How old are you Harold. Well I'm nearing 40. Nearing 40. I must be on your second time around. Come on Cleat I've got to have that permit. All right. What year do you want it for. This year this afternoon. This afternoon. Let me write that down. Get a move on Cleat. Where are you going to use the permit. Right here in Melrose Springs. Melrose Springs. Let me write that down. Oh there's no lake around here. What do I need a lake for. For the boat. Oh my goodness is not a boat it's a float. Oh I thought you wanted to float a boat. Well we have to start all over again. Take another number Harold. Pete there's something I'd like to call you. But I know what it is. But I ain't going to write that down. I had to play bingo with Cleat but I finally got the permit. Oh good good. Well the float call finished. Ain't she a beauty. Yes Doc and we better hurry. But there's my master touch. That picture on the side there. Where. Miss Rhyngold of 1950. She isn't running for mayor. No but she looks better in a bathing suit than you do. Come on Doc. Peabody sound truck goes out at any minute. And doesn't my horse Silver Moon look cute with that bow on her. Doc. There goes Peabody sound truck. Oh OK. Let's get a board for you. Oh this will fix Peabody all right. Trudest thing you ever did Harold making me your campaign. Yeah all right come on. I'd hold on here. Here we go. Giddy up Silver Moon. Come on there. Now what's the matter Doc. I guess I built the float too wide. Won't go through the barn door. Oh my goodness. Oh come here like Harold who can't see. Here Miss Rhyngold. Pretty good in that bathing suit. Doc you're fired. What are you laughing at. You're fired too. We'll return for the second act of our story. Honest Harold in just a moment. Are you interested in going into the perfume business. Then you won't want to miss Bing Crosby tonight when he tries his sales pitch on his guest Claudette Colbert. Yes be sure to join Bing Crosby and Claudette Colbert later tonight over most of these same stations. And by the way listen for Harold Perry's important announcement at the end of our show. And now back to honest Harold the homemaker. Well honest Harold's campaign for mayor isn't going too well. He fell out with Doc Yancey as campaign manager when he fell out of the float. It's the following morning now. Our unhappy candidate is just eating breakfast when. What is it my day. Look what's in the morning paper. Let me see. Stanley Peabody candidate for mayor will speak at the high school tonight. His subject will be what is good city government. Shall I read the rest of it Harold. Mr Peabody challenges his opponent Harold Hemp to meet him there and speak on the same subject. If he dares. I suppose he thinks you're afraid to get up there and speak. And he wouldn't dare say that if it wasn't true. Now Harold you're a fine public speaker. I remember the time in the eighth grade when you delivered that recitation a message to Garsha. Yes mother the time I delivered the message Garsha was gone. Mother I can't do it. You mustn't be afraid. Now why don't you sit down right now and write that speech. Mother I don't know anything about city government. I thought I'd find out about that after I got elected. I know you could go to the public library. They must have books on city government. I bet they do. But now the library right now. That's the spirit my boy. Goodbye mother. As long as you're going to the library you might as well return that book you've been reading. Oh good idea. And here it is to the Bobsy twins in Florida. I wonder where they'll go next. Like a Morgan this library. This is where they probably buried Carnegie. And there's dear Miss Witherspoon behind the desk. Good morning Miss Witherspoon I'd like. Excuse me. I'll be with you in a minute. All right. I want to get it. I want to get a book. The children section is right over there. You see I'm going to run for mayor and I want to read a book on city government. We just have one book on that city government by Timothy Hargrove. It's on that shelf right over there. Thank you. Do you think I am a ballet dancer. All right. Here's the shelf. Let's see here. What's that. Somebody's got a slow leak. I get elected mayor I'll demote her to the nonfiction section. Yes Miss Witherspoon. I just remembered I checked out that book on city government this morning. You did. Who got it. Maybe I can borrow it from him. Stanley Peabody Stanley Peabody Oh my God. What am I going to do. Can't show up tonight with no speech. I don't know why I wanted to run for mayor anyway. Pardon me sir. But have I the honor of addressing for chance honest Harold Hemp. Why yes the candidate for mayor of this fair city. That's right. Well it is a lucky lucky day. I happened to be in this facility a few days or your photograph paper and remark to myself I'd like to help that man get elected in the interests of good government. Well thank you. Are you in the political game Mr. A very astute question. I have been a political adviser for years. My card. Oh thanks. Careful the ink isn't dry. J.P. Cameroy political consultant headquarters over Jimmy's pool room. Just temporary court. Now if there's any advice I could give your campaign manager. Well I don't have one right now. You don't have a campaign manager is a lucky lucky day. It is. J.P. Cameroy have I tend to do his services as campaign manager in the interests of good government. But Mr. Cameroy. Now my first official duty is to prove your speech for tonight. We've got to look out for dangling partisan. You see I haven't prepared my speech yet. You haven't prepared your speech. Which is a lucky lucky day. I just happen to have a speech with me that is suitable for the occasion. And I am going to let you have it in the interests of good government. Oh well thank you very much. The only cost to you will be a slight typing fee. Well I don't have much money on me just nine dollars and sixty cents. That is the typing fee. But a coincidence. May I see the speech first. Certainly. And it is. Let's see here. Ladies and gentlemen we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created to say. This is pretty good. Now was I. But they are endowed with certain unalienable rights. And among those are life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Wait a minute. This is the Declaration of Independence. You guessed it. And what a speech. But this hasn't got anything to do with city government. Exactly. You let your opponent put the audience to sleep with the dry stuff taxes the budget. Then you give them the Declaration of Independence. You're in. I am. And look who wrote your speech. Thomas Jefferson Ben Franklin. Yeah. Where can you get writers like that for nine dollars. Well I guess you got a point there. A thing like this could sweep you into office. You know J.P. I believe you're right. Thank you very much. Don't forget the typing. Excuse me. Here you are nine dollars and sixty cents. Thank you. Lucky lucky. It sure is. Sure was a lucky lucky day when I ran into J.P. Pretty clever to him thinking that Declaration of Independence. I got a cheap two only nine dollars and sixty cents. Yes I'm a real politician now. Sweater vest. Got a pocket full of cigars and everything. Hey Harold. Hello doc have a cigar. Yeah thanks. I don't smoke myself but my goat likes him. Kind of a T zone. Good Harold. And when I heard about you getting trapped into that speech tonight I thought I'd let bygones be bygones. I may not be your campaign manager anymore but doc Yancey isn't one to desert a friend in me. Well thank you a lot doc but I don't really need any help. Aren't you worried about making that speech. Worried. What kind of a speech is it. Well it's a sort of a declaration of Independence who wrote it. Oh a couple of ghost writers. Sometimes I wonder about Harold honest boy though. Have a cigar. I mean how are you. Fine. I thought you'd be home writing your speech. It's all written Gloria. Did you write it all by yourself. Well a couple of fellows helped me be Franklin and T Jefferson. Local boys look well. They're from out of town. Philadelphia. What are you doing out here. Well Peabody old body have a cigar. No thank you. Can't stand a rope from him. So you're going to show up tonight. Well I'm warning you you don't know what this is going to cost you or I do nine dollars and sixty cents. Skip it Stanley. Yes sir you're in for a big surprise. There'll be a hot time in the old town tonight and you're going to be the one that's burning. A lot of people here tonight. Stanley sitting on the other side of that stage with his long legs crossed. He's wearing tartan garters. The dude. Well there's mother down the audience. Hello mother. How does he be proud of me tonight. The meeting will please come to order. Mr. Honeycutt hope he cuts it short. Thank you. As chairman of the Melmore Springs Civic League I want to welcome you all to the school auditorium. Night we're going to hear our two candidates from mayor speak on the subject of good city government. That's what he thinks. Incidentally that reminds me of a little withersism. Brother he's going to tell one of his rotary club jokes. Why should some of our politicians go back to school. So they get to know some principles. Oh brother Thomas Jefferson didn't write that. First speaker will be Mr. Stanley Peabody. We must have all his relatives here. Thank you. Thank you. Come on. Let's get that title speech over with. Ladies and gentlemen I prepared a speech on city government for tonight. We know that. But at the last moment I decided that no words of mine could be as eloquent as the great American document I'm going to read to you. What's this. These truths to be self evidence. That all men are created equal. They are involved with certain unalienable rights. I've been framed that among these are life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I'm sunk. I wonder if I could sneak out of here that to secure these rights. What's that. All those dogs. Thank you little doggies. Get down wonder who let him out of the pond. I can see all very good old. All right now quiet. The meeting is going to the dog. Thanks old friend that was a pretty clever idea letting the dogs out of the pond to save me wasn't thinking of you Harold you thought it was time those dogs got out for a little constitution. Oh sure. Look here. Hello Stanley that was an underhanded trick stopping my speech that way and I paid J.P. Camroy twenty five dollars for that idea you did I only paid him nine sixty is a lucky lucky day. You have just heard the Harold Perry show honest Harold who returns in just a moment with an important announcement. The supporting players tonight included Catherine Card can Peter's Leo Cleary Ruth Parrott and John McIntyre and featured Gloria Holiday is Gloria and Joseph Kearns as old Doc Yak Yak Norman McDonald directed and the music was composed and conducted by Jack Meakin honest Harold created by Harold Perry was written by Jean Stone Jack Robinson and Bill Danch now back to Harold Perry. Oh that's me. Well Bob for the people who missed it I'm hunting for a laughing lady someone we can invite to appear on our show her laugh will enter her in the honest Harold laugh contest and it begins right in her hometown. So ladies if the laugh contest is being conducted in your city please enter and you may be here with us some Wednesday night. Stay tuned now for the big cross the show which follows immediately over most of the same CBS station. Bob Lamont speaking this is CBS the Columbia Broadcasting System.