 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm your host, Jonathan Asley, of johnathanasley.com, and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, we're gonna talk about why men go from hot to cold to cold to hot and all that hot and cold stuff. So, all right, really quickly before I begin, if you're new to my channel, do me a favor, hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can get notified. And if you like the content at the end of this, please do me a favor and hit the share button and send this to a gazillion friends, because I'd like to think this is good content. My hope is you feel the same. Let's talk about men who are hot and cold. I once wrote a blog called From Forever to Forgotten, and this talks about a story where a man meets a woman, they connect, they have this great chemistry. I mean, it's off the chart chemistry. They are twin flames, I mean, they're soulmate, twin flames, they're gonna skyrocket into the stratosphere and their love is gonna conquer all. And they were so amashed with one another. The chemistry was off the charts, the intensity, I mean, the familiarity, everything was amazing. You're like, you like sushi, me too. You like snowboarding, me too. You like Rolling Stones, me too. Everything was a me too, me too, me too. And he was coming on strong. He was coming fiercely. It was hot, it was heavy. And then bam, he disappeared. I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but this is a story that happens over and over and over and over again. And I wanna lean into why men come on strong. And so if you've been watching my channel, you know I talk about the biological components of when we're chasing sex, when we're driven by the biology, when we're driven by testosterone, when we're driven by that need to spread our seed. You ladies, you've been so conditioned to believe that men are hunters and they love the chase. They love the chase. They love the chase. They're chasing buffalo because they capture that buffalo and they bring it back to their tribe and they eat it. And they're on to the next buffalo and they chase it and they hunt it and they capture it and then they eat it. And they're on to the next one and the next one. So men just naturally love the chase. And somehow this rhetoric has been applied to dating and relationships, which makes me wanna go, ugh. Because is it saying that men are hunting fully committed relationships? Are men walking around going, I want a relationship. I want a relationship. Is that what they're hunting? Or is they hunting sex? So when a man is coming on incredibly strong, it's most likely he's rather emotionally immature. A person that's driven by their biology and it's their soul driving force, oftentimes hasn't reached a level of emotional maturity. They are focused myopically on their own needs, wants and desires. And they're not being mindful that there's another person at the end of the table when you're on a date. And the reason why men go hot and cold is we have to look at the deeper issues that are going on within men and women. We have to look at childhood wounds. We have to look at traumas. If you watch my previous video, I talk about that quite a bit. I talk about the differences between the men are from Mars and why that dating advice doesn't apply. Because the reason why we come on hot is because we're driven by ology and the reason why we go cold is because our traumas and our wounds and our adult experiences start to fester and surface. Our childhood traumas and wounds begin to fester and surface in our life experience. And some of the reasons why we go cold is we're dealing with issues at work. Sometimes we're dealing with an ex-spouse. Sometimes we're dealing with a nightmare divorce. Sometimes we're dealing with child issues. Sometimes we're dealing with our own physical issues. And we're not fully capable of being 120% into the relationship. You know, that's the sad expectation is that everybody expects you to be 120% invested in the relationship when it takes time to nurture and build a relationship. You have to build the roots. You have to build roots in a relationship. And that's not gonna happen when it comes on hot right away because if it comes on hot right away, it's gonna go cold just as quickly. It takes roots to be built in a relationship. When I wrote my book, Understand Men Now, I talk about the importance of understanding the five roots to a successful relationship. Where the heck is my book? It's not handy here. Here's my other book. I didn't have my other book, but just remember my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway. But when I wrote Understand Men Now, I talk about the five roots and that's understanding emotional connection. We need emotional connection. That's why it's important to understand, where's the book? Emotional connection relates to the five love languages, the five love languages. Are you connected an emotional level? The next is economic agreement. Are you got, because here's the thing, it takes money for a relationship to work and to recognize that it takes two to effectively make a relationship work. So when you've established what your economic agreement is in the relationship, you're gonna be establishing one of the main roots. Because this expectation that men are paying for everything and they're gonna lead the process isn't very viable. And let me tell you why. The vast majority of the population makes less than $100,000 a year, 80% make. And the vast majority of the population barely has three months savings in a bank account. So it takes two to make a relationship work from a financial perspective. And I'm talking about entertainment and some of the other things that happen in relationship travel and whatnot, okay? Next is establishing your family and friends. Establishing family and, oh, I went out of order from my own rhetoric. Family and friends is an important route to develop a relationship as well as social activities, hobbies, and mutual interest. Social activities, hobbies, and mutual interest. I'm looking around for this book by Barbara D'Angelo, it's called How to Make Love All the Time. How to Make Love All the Time. This gives you some insight on how real love is established. Because ultimately the fifth route to a successful relationship is sex and intimacy. And intimacy merely means into me you see. In other words, you're seeing me in a relationship. Are you seeing me inside in relationship? And when you've established those roots, the thing about hot and cold is we're always gonna be a little bit hot and cold in relationship. The reality is as we come on, both men and women, and we need space as well. But to go fully cold and disappear is because roots haven't been established in a relationship. Healthy, bonding roots in a relationship. This is why I'm such a big proponent, ladies, that commitment happens over time. And it happens consciously when two people, two people are consciously approaching the process from a place of co-creating. From a place of co-creating. This is why I talk to you all over and over again to read the book Eight Dates by John Gottman and his wife, Julie Gottman. Read this book, because this is gonna teach you how to effectively form a relationship. And ladies, if you're gonna let a penis into a vagina on a regular basis, then you have every right to say, I wanna co-create a relationship and choose men that are willing to co-create instead of this whole philosophy that dating is based on. Having fun and we're just gonna have fun getting to know each other, we're just gonna have fun. But if you don't understand the mechanics of a healthy relationship, that fun is gonna wear away and that's what makes it go cold because you haven't established the roots built into the relationship that's gonna take you into the long term. And this is one of the reasons why we go hot and cold. Ah, boy, I covered a lot there. Hey, I wanna hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment. If you have a question about what I shared, I do my best to read all the questions. So write a question, I'll try to respond. Certainly, if you liked this video and you thought I had value, please hit the share button and send it off to a half a dozen friends. I would be so grateful. And if you'd like a little bit of a personal touch and you would like to find out if coaching is right for you, hit the link below to schedule a discovery call with me. And if you don't have the resources for coaching, check out the VIP, my VIP coaching program called Midlife Love Mastery and for 20 bucks a month, you can have access to me through a once a month teleclass and a Facebook group where we interact with each other on a regular basis. Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do, giving you a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug like this. And I'm gonna ask you to do the same. Hug yourself like this right now. Just give yourself a big juicy hug because we all need hugs. Yeah, we all need hugs. We need lots of hugs. That's why we're out in the dating realm is so we can feel connected to another human being. And I'm here to say that there's a juicy world of love out there. And if you're not familiar with the book and this is my CD version, return to love. I want you to check it out because this is gonna set you on the path of a really healthy, juicy, delicious relationship with yourself. And when you have that, you're gonna attract a fantastic partner. Okay, I went off on a tangent there but I'm gonna hug myself again and wish you a super duper wonderful day. Thanks so much. Bye-bye now.