 I got one friend online, two friend requests. Da-da-da-da! Hehehe, are we ready guys for another big King Kong title? This is Skull Island, Rise of Kong, a game that not too long ago came out and apparently is crap. Hi, you know what? I will be the judge of that. I wanna know if it really is, if it lives up to the hype of crap-iest King Kong game ever. Cause let's be honest. There are stories of gods blessed by fanatics. Stories of kings told by the oppressed. And fantasy stories told by the gullible. However, the stories of this age-old island are passed on from generation to generation. There are those willing to tell a much bigger tale. The stories of the beasts and their king. The story of Kong. It was not long ago when the Kong species began to disappear. The battles among the island's beasts have existed long before anyone could even recall them. Still, the survival of the Kongs against larger and more ferocious creatures was no longer guaranteed as generations passed. I don't know how, honestly. The story, I will tell you, starts at a time of danger and uncertainty for the last remaining Kong family. Raising a child, especially protecting him from the violent beasts, was hard work. And the ever-present threats of the island eventually took their toll on this decimated family. I don't understand how the Kongs became extinct, if I'm gonna be honest. Oh, there I am. It's me. Biggest Kongus. I can roll! I can do roll! I can do a jump. Yes! Yeah, I have no idea how these guys went extinct. A friggin ginormous monkey. Super intelligent. Massive friggin monkey muscle power. Oh yeah, killed by a T-Rex. Rubbish! Just want to make it... Oh, I have a block! Wow, the graphics are... It's like Toon Shaded. Yeah, it's definitely Toon Shaded. Don't look at me! I'm not rendered properly! So what's this? Oh, I could just grab... Oh, I love how the rock rendered in there. So I just pick up a rock anywhere. So can I run? Let's stick in. Oh, I can. Yes! Oh, I'm already learning, game. I'm already learning. This has potential to be the greatest Kong that's ever existed. Wait, where's the rest of me family? Mama! Mama! You've left baby in a corner! Oh, there we go. Tell you what, he's got some friggin... ginormous leap for no build-up. You know squash and stretch when you learn that in animation? Nah! It's a straight... Right, okay. Oh, I like how the trees have no shadow. That's good. This game costs 35 quid, by the way. What's that? $40, $50 or something? Night storms are a bad omen in times of crisis. And the Kongs knew it well. The father and the son had yet to return from hunting. The mother, fearing the worst, decided to venture out in search of her family. So, wait, okay. A mama Kong. Okay, so we're not even playing as King Kong yet. What? Oh, sorry. You could do a basic attack with what? I love how everything's just stopped. Just press the buttons, man. What the hell are these? Okay, all those chickens. Well, they're clenicans. Can I pick it up? Can I pick it up? Well, whatever it was, it's definitely dead now. Okay, so can I hold up? Oh, whoa. Do I? You can focus on enemies manually by toggling R. Oh, okay. I'm sorry, they're so far away. Okay, so, does that take health or is that like stamina? I don't know what that one takes. Okay, I guess I'm going this way. Am I going this way? Along your way, you will find some obstacles that you can destroy by holding. Oh, okay. Okay, so that's what that's for. Whoa. Whoa. What is this, Dark Souls? So, just go... Right, okay. So, that's a charge move attack. Wow, what a strut. Okay, I suppose I'm going this way. It's a Mario game. What? You can sprint and jump across long distances by holding. Yeah. I mean, I could gather that. Okay. Mother of Congress, let's go. Where is that baby? Press Y. Wait, what was I doing? Quick charge. Oh, hold on. Which one's one? Ah, no! The clinic is... Oh, look at them. Whoa, the maximum number of enemies we can have on screen. Three. Oh, they're still going. Okay. And then we... Oh, that... Oh, here we go! The roll. We cannot just jump on them. There we go. Oh, I have a Super ability charger. Well, I'll save that. It's the water. Is it the water? It's the water. It's the shader. Oh, my God, what the hell's going on? This game is cursed. Oh, here we go. Some vines to climb. I'm sure it's going to tell me how to climb the vines, right? Oh, my God. It is, man. I'm not a little baby. I played a game before. Oh, this is... What is this? Collectible? I'm honestly shocked. Why are they using a floppy disk as the loading icon? People are playing this game hard enough to remember floppy disks. You can use ZR to grab smaller enemies and throw them. Whoa! Which one's ZR? ZR. Right, got you. So many... All these controllers with all the whacked out... Can we just have a naming convention? You're mine! Sorry. Sorry, wrong one. I want to pick up the... Oh, okay. Ow! Ow! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it now! Stop it this instant! Oh, I should block, shouldn't I? Oh, wait. Where'd it go? Okay, well, I think it's in the ground. What are you doing? Okay, I'm assuming maybe that flower was healing. Yeah, this has got to be healed. Oh, where's skills? Is it in the pause menu? Okay, I guess we'll just ignore them. Oh, so it is, though. Mrs. Kong eats the purple flowers. It's a pretty flower. Pretty boolak-lak! Yes! Right, can I... Oh, I've got to do my charge move. Use your head! Oh, here we go. You can use Primal Rage to boost attacks. Oh, cool! Here we go! Primal Rage! Okay, I'm boosting my attack. Ah, roadie-pony! I don't even know. I can block, can't I? I should probably block. Oh, jump in the smack! Yes! That's right, confuse! Yes! Can I pick you up? Damn it! Why can't I pick up the enemy? I've got my wall Primal Rage. Or Savage. Savagery. Whatever's. Oh, here we go. Okay, so we've got a flower. We'll not pick that up just yet. I don't know which way we're going. If we click pause, and then we go menu. Main entrance. Where even am I? It doesn't even say where I am. It's like, well, you're somewhere in there. Somewhere there. Oh, my God! It's another blue chicken! Oh, God, it's used its attack! And it's running away! Come back here. I was trying to do something. It said I can pick up enemies. Can I use the other controller? Alright, well, he's dead. Oh, God, no run! It's charging up right! That means it's dangerous! Run like you're on the moon! Oh, there you go. Oh, so when it... Damn it! Oh, they have an aggro range. Sweet. I can take on the little chickens first. Okay, so apparently this game isn't based... Yeah, what does that mean? When you do the... You're charging up an attack, and it's like, oh, attack now! I don't even need to bother. I don't get anything from attacking them, right? Like, at all. So what's the point? I'll just die otherwise. Okay, charge it. Look at me! Smashing down the same colored walls over and over! Along your way, you will find other types of... Oh, so it's like Donkey Kong smart. Oh, I wasn't even near it. I hope we get to play as King Kong. Is this what this... Is this the size of a normal King Kong? Like, Leap. What's that? Hold down LZ, and then hold down Left Bumper. Wait, wait, okay. So how do I... How the hell do I control that? How do I move... Oh, my God. I'm gonna have to use some weird crab claw technique to do this. There you go. Okay. I'm... assuming up here? I thought I wanted to go that way, but... Yeah, okay. So normally in video games, you have ledges that are yellow, and they're the ones that are like, oh, I'm supposed to go this way. But this one is green, which does not help, because everything's fricky green! So much. And why am I so small? I'm fricking King Kong! I should be huge! I'm the biggest of the monkeys! Oh, okay. I mean, I guess maybe there's different ways to break a coconut, apparently. Right, now what was the other one? I think it was this. No? Is it this one? Oh, did I do it? No? This one? Oh! Oh. Okay. Just jump on it, I suppose. Right, let's go. Is there any way I'm supposed to go here? This looks like a dead end. Wow. What? I'm like 15 minutes into this game, and like nothing has happened. Oh, here we go. Oh, they're released! Oh my God! There! There's DadaCon! Oh. Why is the T-Rex absolutely ginormous? Why is it to have... Why is it humanoid? No! Oh my God, whenever you see this light, which light? For a brief window. Okay, so L. But I didn't do it then. When did it just do a ground? Like a sit slap? Just jump out of the way. My new technique is this. Just that. Although it doesn't seem to do anything. Oh no, no, sorry. It's this. Was it this one? That's it. That's the one. Oh, that does a lot of damage. Although it can still be hit. So that's something. You know what? Is it just better to do this? Oh no, that's the move! That's the move! What am I supposed to do? Is it L to like... Hell? No, that's L. Sorry. What's this? Shoulder check. Is that to stun them? Why? Oh, there it was. Oh my God. Like there's no help, right? Like what? What am I supposed to do? Where did the baby go? Why on Earth have you given the enemy like so much health and me with no power ups? Can I go this way? There's a flower over there. Please don't. Oh, you boggess you! There's a flower over there. Oh, wait. Sorry, sorry. I'm just coming back. I'm just... Oh, I think I'm supposed to die. Imagine if I killed her though. I kind of want to kill it. Because I feel like this is something that Kong's going to have to come back to, like, kill. I assume, but I want to kill it. Oh, the amazing new Kong game. Yeah, look at it. It's beautiful. There we go. Oh, I could just do this forever. Oh, there it was. That was the shoulder check move. I want to... Can I shoulder check you? I want to shoulder check you. Oh, there it was. There it was. Oh, there's the killer move. Why am I fighting this? Like, if the game wants me to die, who am I to... Who am I to, you know, judge? Just let it... Oh, there it was. Damn. I just want to see if I can get off the shoulder check move. Oh, it's so close to the attack and I know, like, one more hit. And I'll die. I'm trying to lure him. Okay, oh, that was the tail slam. Don't like that. Please tell me. I'm not actually supposed to... Here we go. Oh, never mind. That was a different move. That happens afterwards. Okay, not that one. He's got three moves. Oh, there it was. There it was. I went the other way. Oh, that was the killer blow. Hold on. Is this going to work? Is this dude... Can I even hit you? Is there a question? I mean, I can. I'm just going to, you know... Yeah, I thought so. No, I could have done it. If I'm honest, I could have done it. I feel like it might be... Oh, my mommy undoddy died. This is... Oh, no. This is a game. I kind of want to think that this is tied in. I mean, it could have all run away. Let's be honest. I have no sympathy. They're just stupid. And this game is running at 25 FPS. Was that too much graphics? I know I'm playing this on a Switch. But what is that? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Switch... But what is that? He wanted to take the life of the monster that took away his family. Oh, I'm giving a saying for the wrong thing. The graphics to render. They are just chickens! We are missing some foley sounds. But he was weak. He could not fight without surviving first. And for years he could not do anything But grow in the middle of the island's dangers Gone he can't even hunt anything. He's just eating apples. His parents was stupid Okay, so we're growing now, okay We're skipping over that would have to overcome the constant fear of larger more powerful Hungrier more Beastian more order The memories and the desire for revenge gave him a reason to stand tall and wait for the day he could face With the strength to defeat her. Oh This is so bad man like I would prefer just pre-rendered stuff or even you know Just just illustrations would be nicer than seeing in-game You know what I mean, I don't want to look at this the models don't look good Don't zoom in on the faces. Why do they have cartoony expressions? I get that it's tuned shaded, but oh Maybe a tenor maybe a tenor for this game. I'd be like An Instagram filter over it's just so horrible Right, so now I'm Kong. I'm still tiny I still live in tune shaded. Well, and when you think of Skull Island, right? Do you actually think of a tune shaded power night? No, no you don't I don't know whose idea it was to go You know what let's do tune shaded. That's it. What is this? This is a crab crab man I'm sorry crap. Wait, am I even killing it? Oh my god Like wait when they said that I wasn't powerful. Do they really mean it? Do they really mean that I'm not strong? I can't do my power slam. Oh is it this one? But which one is it? I can't keep our killed by crabs I'm getting nothing for this on I like what am I getting? There's nothing popping out of them. I'm just losing health I don't see an XP bar. I'm right. There we go. Oh I can use my weight. No, okay. Never mind. I thought I thought I was used my meter, but it kind of is but it isn't Okay, I don't think I'm supposed to go that way and I think break that giant boulder with my head Maybe Why are they even attacking me surely they know they don't stand a chance. Okay, maybe they stand a chance Why are we making everything so small? This is terrible Zoom in at least. Oh no another crap Good God, I've already lost half my health and I'm doing attacks that I thought you know How are they attacking me when I'm just button mashing doing is throwing out as many as the taxes I can and I'm losing health That's not a good feeling. What is with that? Is that supposed to be a smooth animation or is it deliberately slowed down a motion blood? It's all yeah fair enough have a map at least have some sort of indication where I'm going or a mini map There's so much space. You're not filling in the screen With anything else you've zoomed out the character your health bars really far into the screen put a mini map At least give me something to help. Oh, what's this fight and clear the zone? Oh There's a biggest crab there. Oh Oh Look at them Well, he's coming straight for it Okay, okay Well, do I want to kill you? I mean it wants me to clear the zone Ha ha ha ha Yeah, you don't expect it from behind. Oh god. Okay, just shoulder or something. I don't know man. Oh my god Wait, where's the health are you doing this thing where you're not giving me health in boss fights? You are oh no, hold on this one, right? Okay, apparently he's much slower than his crab brother and so He huddles then does like a little attack Right, what if I'd I'm at a loss for words. Honestly. I really am There it is. There is there you got stunted. I stood stop rolling around come Right, I think I've just got to get as many of the old arrows again. Can I I'm just gonna go for it I just whatever's mine. Oh, yeah, he's rinsing me. There's no help off of the enemy This is not a finished game. I now understand what everyone was talking about when they were like, it's just a bad game There you go. Ha ha Stunned you Suck it. You see me mate No Oh Does that mean he's oh god. Oh god. Is he wounded? I think that's what that means I think he's he's wounded. He might just push me away and I'll die There it is. There it is smash Okay, no, no, don't push me Oh, this can't get you a bird one skill point. Can I not pick him up or anything? I can't eat him What happens now? I have one skill point But what does that do? It costs five to do a single one Oh, there we go. Thank god that eerie music can disappear now You've got combat where you want to parry and stun things You know, like the combat all I could do is lock on and that's it. That's all I can do Can I get through that? No, okay Why is king kong having problem with chickens? Does that leap? No, let's just jump Okay, that's back step Let's grab a The only reason for fighting here is to lose health and I don't want to do that because eventually I'll come up against the boss And I'll need all the health I can get Oh no So I came all this way for now And now I've got more chickens chasing me. They could only chase me in threes by the way Even if there's more of them the only thing that kong eats apparently is flowers I kill the crabs. I kill chicken things, but none of them I eat. No, no, no. I'm a freaking vegetarian. Nope. Can't do that Oh wait, what am I? Oh, there's an enemy there Was he hitting me the bucket? And he I can't even see them that small and that zoomed out I want to I want to see at least one more boss man One more boss before I before I call this quits because this is Why couldn't I climb up that the ground is brown? That's new I love the lagginess of this as well. What is this man? A stinky spot Baby skull I'm at a loss for words guys. I don't I'm assuming that's a collectible. Does it do anything? Oh No, are you kidding me? I went all this way for a collectible It's just it's just registered in my brain Oh, okay invisible wall pushed me down I don't think that was the game's fault. I think it was my recording software was like no You've played enough and you're trying to stop me playing the game But I think I found somewhere different. I just want one more boss, but I just want to I just want to try something ZR I was doing it on on one of the raptory things that was around here in this cavern But oh my god I can't handle he's going too far too fast All right, there's another raptor. We're just going to ignore those what's over here. Oh my I I was gonna say I came all this way for another God damn it I don't care about the collectibles. Is the whole game literally Just oh wow. Oh, it's beautiful. I love it I love that it rotates the opposite of way in which I'm holding the stick It feels like it's got to be a short game. Oh, it's an old to rattle on As well as like a chickeny thing Ah chickens Oh never mind Apparently I I clicked fight before it even picked up the bugger so it disappeared. That's good game design Three enemies from four enemies max apparently. Oh, but the crab I think was five God knows There we go And we'll more. Oh, yeah I tried to do that. Oh the the roar did something the roar stunned it. That's interesting Oh It's killed him I did the charge into him I want to pick it up. Let me pick you up now bugger off I wonder what the what what are you you an eagle? Are you must be like the the medium thing that's um What is it? Maybe I have an important elite enemy. Maybe I thought those were elites, but apparently no This is a new area where what was once a boss is now just a regular enemy. I Just die Up there Oh my god This is just busy work. I'm assuming oh there they are where you're going Kill the nests and there we go Just exploded I didn't do anything with that to destroy the nest use the x Any I'm well there you go cool. All right, man. This looks like a boss. Yes Another one. What is it clear fighting clear? Is this worms? What are we looking at? Oh, there it is Maybe What even was that? Why did the camera need to turn? Oh, there's more. Okay. There's not like these really things, but they don't have a stun mechanic They're just like, uh, oh no it kind of did there weird, but it wasn't even over the top of the creature Yes Oh, I'm giving this game way more chances than anyone else who's played this I bet why are we going up here? I don't know I see them and I'm like, well the game wants me to do this. So I'm why am I stuck? I can't move I can't do it. We're gonna save we're gonna load all my friends are gonna think I'm amazing when I when I tell them I'm playing Uh kong plays around in in their turd water. Yeah, it's their favorite game too. They love it They love it. I tell this they get so jealous when I tell them that like, oh my god You're playing that new kong plays in poop water. Yeah Oh, that's that's awesome. I'm so happy for you. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I found something We actually have a cutscene for this one So I'm kind of tempted I just want to play this I walked into this and I was like, oh, hold on We we have a cutscene Oh my god A giant white worm Has he learned nothing from his parents mistakes? Earth gi gi gi Oh All right All right, but I don't know. I mean, I'm just gonna oh, oh, okay Did he have a tell that he was gonna do that? Oh, okay. So we have a foot. Oh, I threw a rock Can we pick up the rock? No, I didn't even know how to pick up stuff. Okay. Is it throwing rocks at me? I think it might be trying to throw rocks at me. There you go. You got some cheeky hits and when it does it Okay, then again. Oh no. He did a swirly swirl. That's all I want to do. I'm gonna take this It's not boding well for little lurking kong. I think he's about to die And what are you what are you doing? Why are we why are you picking up rocks? Go do an attack Go on. There it is. Oh Yes Am I supposed to hide behind the rock? Oh All right. Ah, oh my god say Hit it So when it brings up a rock, we want it to To hit itself on the rock. I see what the game designers were trying to do. It's just very terrible Don't I know the white worth Right and now you're gonna attack me properly and I just need to stand by the rock, right? Right, there we go. There we go go on Do a thing ha ha you fool Never mind you you broke all the rocks Yeah So good idiot loses There's Oh, no, just like a dark souls boss. It's it's leveling up All right, well at least I now know what I need to do. What's it gonna do now? What's what's your next move? Just act not casery I'm lit. Oh, this is it's like the worst of all boss battles. It's like you have to wait for it Oh, you're gonna. Oh, you're gonna destroy the rock as well. Cool. Cool. Uh, you can trust me now No, right. Are you gonna do it? No. Okay. Okay. You don't do your your spinny things anymore. You've learned apparently Oh, well, you let me really well into that, didn't you? It's like I've learned my lesson. I will no longer Ah, yeah, oh wait what it did both it hit both rocks and it was fine with it. What? Roly-poly into it. Yeah Oh, yes, look at him so happy Muddy's hands i'm a murderer Oh, well, I guess I just I go. Yep. I just leave it. Oh, no, it's it's Gore whenever he's called. Yeah, I don't like that I will have my Stunted the roly-poly Oh, okay. So now because I defeated that boss It's unlocked like a whole new one now. I've got primal rage so I can do that Okay, you just gotta take our boss after boss Oh, this is Yeah, I think we're oh god I think we're gonna call this one quits like you know with the amazing jump mechanics. They're in this game I cannot see this possibly going wrong Oh my god Running around at the speed of sound got places to go gotta follow the rainbow Yeah, I am King Kong jumping rock to rock Um like listen, I'm clicking every button Everything everything's being pressed Well, yeah, uh, so yeah, that was um skull island Steals a Kong steals your money from your wallet right underneath your nose. It is a amazingly Well titled game. I think anybody who's considering playing this or buying it should Maybe get a lobotomy first Then you might consider your options, but anyway guys if you enjoyed my suffering leave a like until next time I've never played this again. Bye