 بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم إن الحمد لله نحمده ونستعينه ونستغفره ونستهديه ونعود بالله من شرور أو نفسنا ومن سيئات عمالنا فمن يهده الله فلا مدللح ومن يوضل الفلا هادي لا وأشد أن لا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك لا وأشد أن محمدا عبده رسوله ثم أما بعده السلام عليكم رحمة الله أعتقد أنه يجب أن يقول أنه مدللح ومدللح أنه يكون مدللح في هذه السلامة ولماذا أشعر أن أشعر أن أتسأل أن أتسأل في هذا المساعدة لأنه أمامكم are many luminaries that I look up to and that I would much rather listen to than give any talk about anything أنا هنا لأنني أعتقد أنه في المساعدة المفتاحة أمام عبدالله أو أمام الوهيد أخبرهم أمام عبدالله لأنني always in correspondence with Shaykh Abdullah عندما أعتقد بهم أعتقد بمدللح للدعوة كلما أتحدث معهم أمامهم مدللح أمامهم المدللح إلى المساعدة ويجب أن يكون مدللح لهم ويجب أن أشعر بمدلللح في المساعدة كما أمامهم أن أتركهم مدللح في هذا المساعدة أن أتركهم مدللح في هذا المساعدة أنا هنا في المساعدة أريد أن أتكلم بمدللح لكل من who has presented this evening معال that our dear brother Osama Sayed who came up and performed وsize I want you all to recognize that it takes great courage to offer what you have artistically in front of an audience that you can feel might be somewhat ambivalent about your performance and our artists are not just a decorative addition أو بعض المساعدة المساعدة للمساعدة المساعدة هذا شيء جداً المنشد معلم المساعدة is a teacher هذا يبدو كلف نوطs هذا يبدو كبير جداً من ما نحاول أن نفعله في هذا الليل now the topic that I was assigned to speak about was the love of the Prophet ﷺ for Lady Khadija ﷺ and I think in selecting that topic the organizers of this program are drawing our attention to something important that is often neglected by people of high religious aspiration you see people of high religious aspiration are often seeking a connection with transcendence they want to feel what some philosophers of religion call this numinous awe before the ineffable but when you want to feel that sometimes you forget the significance of what happens in your day-to-day life your everyday quotidian reality and the Prophet ﷺ yes he is the Nabi of the Isra and the Mi'raj but he is also the Nabi of وَمَا بُعِفْتُهُ إِلَّا أَنْ أُتَمِيمَا مَا كَارِمَ الْأَخْلَاكْ he is the Prophet ﷺ of the Night Journey and the Ascension but he is also the Prophet ﷺ of I have not been sent except and for you students of Arabic this is for no other reason than to perfect noble traits of character these two folky or these two focuses of religious folks I saw them in one dust we were sitting with the sheikh and we were studying Al-Qaeda and we came to the chapter on the خارق العادة which is literally a break in the natural chain of events when this break happens at the hands of a prophet we call it a Mu'adjiza when this break happens at the hands of someone righteous we call it a Qarama when this break happens at the hands of someone wicked we call it Istidraj but we didn't make it that far in the lesson we only got to Mu'adjizat and Karamat and when the sheikh was talking about Mu'adjizat and Karamat there was a sister in the auditorium waving her hand almost violently trying to get his attention and when he asked her to speak she said sheikh before my Islam I was a witch everybody in their ghast at the same time like what and she said I attended a conference in Geneva Switzerland of witches and warlocks a warlock is the male equivalent of a witch I learned that at the conference I didn't know that before and she said the highest ranking member of our assembly when he wanted to change positions in the room he would just levitate from one place to another and when she said that I was thinking the same thing that you're thinking right now you have to check the expiration date on your guacamole and then she gave her disclaimer she said I have never experimented with hallucinogenic drugs I have no history of mental illness no external stimuli nothing like this I saw this with my own eyes and this man was not a righteous person how could he do that and the sheikh said to her if you go out to the airport you'll see people flying around all over the place that doesn't impress me what impresses me is it's the karma of rightness character integrity dignity these are the things that are drawn into sharp relief by marriage nothing will test you like relationships and this is with all of your relatives all of your family members you know a friend of mine he said if you find that you are disillusioned with something you should ask yourself why did I have any illusion about this in the first place marriage is difficult marriage is hard family is difficult so when we look at the love and the marriage of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم to any of the women to whom he was married you see the grandeur of his character in a place that character is sometimes hard to display so when they came to say the Aisha رضي الله عنها and they said give us an epitaph give us a summary of the character of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم she said كان خلقه القرآن كان القرآن يمشي على الارض his character was the Qur'an he was the Qur'an walking on the earth the thing that amazes me about this this is the way that his wife could speak about him you see if somebody is praising me if I look at my wife she's smirking like this there must be someone else named أبيض الله أفضل but when you look at the integrity the character of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم everything about his story with Lady خديجة expresses that character very vividly if we look at the way that they were wedded even before Islam her nickname was أقصى هرا the pure she was known for her character she was also very wealthy she was strikingly beautiful she was known to be upright known to be unfailingly generous she was a tahera and the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was أل أمين known to be trustworthy known to be honest known to be a peacemaker a mediator and he was not initially a merchant he was a shepherd the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم actually said that all of the NBA رضي الله عنه جميعاً all of the NBA were shepherds because being the shepherd is a very good preparation for working in دعوة and طربية because you can't move any faster than the sheep move so it teaches you patience and خديجة was being burned in business by the age of 25 this was the woman that had already been widowed two times had lost both of her parents and she was one of the wealthiest women in all of Meccan society some people called her سيدة نسائل قريش the leader of all of the women of قريش and she was looking for someone trustworthy to operate to manage her caravan in an arrangement of مداربة and her sister هالا she told her about the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم that he shepherds my goats and she went to أبو طالب and she said would he have any interest in leading some trade caravans for me and her caravans would sometimes number into 800 camels we're talking serious levels of wealth and the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم not only did he manage her caravan he doubled her holdings and ميصر a servant who was sent to assist the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he saw that a cloud followed the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم wherever he went he saw his character he saw that he was a monotheist and he went back and told خديجة and she had experienced this increase in her profitability so she was talking to نفيسة a friend of hers we have to learn the seerah of the Prophet عليه وسلم and نفيسة could see the twinkle in her eye when she was talking about the Prophet عليه وسلم and she said you know it's always a good sister that's doing us a matchmaking where would we be without matchmaking sisters why don't you propose to him خديجة very wary about marriage at this time in her life she is already a woman of 39 or 40 years she said I don't even know if he would be interested and so نفيسة goes to the Prophet عليه وسلم why don't you ever get married why don't you think about marriage he said I would but I have a huge family to support the Prophet عليه وسلم أبو طالب was very in-beer to him and أبو طالب he was a مقرم man he was an honorable man but he was not a wealthy man and the Prophet عليه وسلم was consumed with his domestic responsibility to the household to whom he belonged to which he belonged and then نفيسة said what if someone wanted to marry you and money wasn't an issue for them this was a person with grace elegance good character wealthy the Prophet عليه وسلم said the obvious who that's what I would say right always joke I don't care how modest a person pretends to be marriage shows how we really think about ourselves every time I tell a brother yeah there's a sister she's looking for a good brother strong in his Dean committed to his family every brother perks up yep that's me and then after that he calls himself the فكير and talks about how he's you know one kiss a little cut but she's looking for a strong brother مي مي the Prophet said who she said خديجة رضي الله تعالى عنها and the Prophet عليه وسلم accepted her proposal and they were married in a very simple ceremony without pomp and circumstance صلى الله عليه صلى الله علي حبيبك and the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم initially worked not for her because now he's her husband but it was clear that the social better in that relationship was definitely خديجة as كبره رضي الله تعالى عنها every time we studied the Syro together my wife always asked me أبيض الله could you work for me I say absolutely not that's just an extension of your fragile male ego perhaps but I don't think that I could but this is something that we see that I think we should strive to emulate in the Prophet عليه وسلم he didn't have any of those hangups he didn't have any insecurity about who he was for what he was as a man and this is why he was never abusive never violent never angry one of my teachers said everything you read about the Prophet عليه وسلم in marriage you see that he was not responding from an endangered place of masculinity it was a secure place of masculinity you see and this is why she has more money than me no problem she's more socially prominent than I am that's no problem right when she was asked by the Prophet عليه وسلم why did you marry me she said لِهُسْنِيُ خُلُمْكِكِ because of the goodness of your character وَاَسْيِدُكِ هَدِيْتِكِ and the truthfulness of your speech this was the basis of the Prophet عليه وسلم's leadership among his family not that I have more money than you or I'm socially more prominent than you or people hold me in higher esteem than they hold you no no he led with his character this is exemplary this is something we should repeat in our circles you want سيادة you want leadership this is what leadership consists of وَلِهُرِ جَالِهِ عَلَيْهِنَّا دَارَجًا men have a rank over them اِبْنَ عَبْبَسْنِهِسْ تَفْسِيرُ it's a rank of service not a rank of sayintara not a rank of domination it's a rank of service so moving forward that they gave me I think 30 minutes and anyone who knows me they know I can't spell my name in 30 minutes just looking at some snapshots from their life together the Prophet عليه وسلم was 25 years old when he married خديجة رضي الله عنها and she was 40 when he received revelation 15 years after that and they had a joyous دمستيق life 6 children there's in all of the books that I read there was only one argument between them that she wanted him to attend like a family gathering and he said I will never worship ألات I will never worship عزة and she said خلي بالألات والألات والأزة like forget ألات والأزة like don't don't worry about that that was the only disagreement that I can find in recorded text that they ever had right but when the Prophet عليه وسلم received revelation even before he received revelation عائشة رضي الله عنها narrating the حديث she said that تحنوف being alone being in seclusion became endeared to him and sometimes he would spend days in هراء sometimes weeks in هراء sometimes an entire month in هراء so much so that some people began to say things about خديجة you changed his social station him marrying you was a major come up for him and now he's abandoning you to meditate like just contemporize that for a minute my wife changes my life through marriage and now I'm in a cave somewhere meditating and I'm not spending time with her if you know my wife that's not going to go over well خديجة was still coming to the Prophet عليه وسلم right and they lived near مرورة walking to هراء and then hiking up هراء even now with the page like path it might take an hour and a half to get up there she's coming up there bringing the Prophet عليه وسلم food bringing him vitals bringing him blankets bringing him refreshments she was always supportive of him she never doubted him so when he had that experience with the angelic you know what I find absolutely breathtaking is that the first person that he thought to go to for comfort and consolation was not his best friend say in أبو بكر it wasn't أبو طالب a father figure to him it wasn't علي someone very close to him like a younger brother almost it wasn't همزة like an older brother almost it was خديجة رضي الله تعالى عنها and when he doubted himself she affirmed him he said لقد خشيتوا على نفسي I'm afraid for myself and she said كلا أبشر no way no way God would never dishonor you now I asked myself what does my wife need to know about me that if I come to her describing an experience for which she has no analog no frame of nothing in her frame of reference she would actually affirm me and say you're not crazy God would never dishonor someone like you you stay in relationship with your relatives you take care of the needy you look after people that have burdens man this is love this is what love really looks like I'll say this and I'll be quiet because we don't have enough time to really go into this in the depth that it demands one of the things I worry about in our community is that we're not doing enough to incentivize marriage you know I remember one brother this is around the time that Black Panther the movie came out he said the reason I'm not married is because married people just aren't selling the institution of marriage he said whenever you ask them how is married life? how's the family? they respond with something tepid and lukewarm like oh it's okay you take the bitter with the sweet what can you do? he said but the same people when I asked them about Black Panther they're ebulent they're overflowing with it was amazing it was life changing he said if you're more excited about Black Panther than marriage I'll just go to the theater but when you think about marriage don't think about it as just fulfilling a religious obligation think about it as a process through which you open yourself to this level of companionship this level of service to another person this level of identification with another person and that is a kind of healing a kind of cure for our egocentric natures but I have to learn to care for someone that deeply learn to support someone that deeply learn to consider someone that deeply and this will make your relationship with Allah blossom so I don't think it is a coincidence that the Prophet ﷺ في محاولة جميلة في محاولة جميلة كانت تحاول خريجة و تحاولها تساعد تساعدني تحاولني بعض أخيين even though this is from the theory of the Prophet ﷺ the authenticity of these stories is beyond any doubt the veracity not even in question بعضنا نحن مستقبل مع هذا المستقبل أخبرني أخبرني أخبرني بخيانا لا أعرف لا أعرف لا أعرف هذا ما يبدو أحبه هذا ما يبدو تحاولة جميلة سأقول هذا في الموضوع و أعلم كل أحد سأقول هذا في الموضوع و ثم يذهبون for 40 أمور يبدو أنه like a preacher that goes and puts his watch on the rostrum that watch doesn't mean anything سوف يتحدث و يتحدث لا أعطي أطفال و لا أعطي أطفال و لا أعطي أطفال أخبرني عائشة رودي الله عنها she said that she was jealous of خديجة although she had never met خديجة رودي الله عنهما و one day that jealousy seized her and she said why do you hanker after this old toothless خديجة when Allah has given you someone much better than that and she said the face of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم changed like it would change when why he was descending upon him and he sat for a long time and he didn't speak but he lowered his eyes and when he spoke he said when everybody said I was a liar she believed in me and she spent her fortune in service of Islam by Allah Allah has never given me better than her and she said that whenever the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم سلوت and animal he would say أرسلو إلا أستيقائي خديجة send some to the friends of خديجة that sometimes when she when he heard the hellers voice he would perk up because her voice reminded him of the voice of خديجة like this is love and any of us that think that somehow being expressive in our love or being emotive in our love is antithetical to a true embrace of the صلى الله عليه وسلم we are grossly mistaken we are grossly mistaken so really enclosing I pray that all of us who are married emerge from this conference with the renewed sense of purpose in our marriages that is not just to you know stay away from the حرام or something like that rather is to open our hearts to love that liberates our hearts from the tyranny of our nafs جزاكم وخلق خير وسلم وعليكم