 Big sparks back again and from a quick break and we had a quick quick few jokes fast and there man So we're talking about all this stuff, but You you had said to me once that you really feel that when guys work with you It's like man, you just need a workshop you need Or when they take a workshop with you just need some time to work with you You know get some skills in there Get a little bit of follow-up, but that's generally all they need And so when guys work with you they they tend to get a very specific result of You know this Nick sparks that's kind of way of like relaxed and just like okay Yeah, you know, I'm not worried about all this like you know head cheese jumble of you know Overthought pickup stuff and I can just kind of exist in this social element. What you know, what happens? What's your workflow when you work with guys? um Well, I'd be first of all I got it was just it was sad seeing guys investing like yeah years of their lives Thousands upon thousands of dollars And then just being right in the exact same position They started in when they were looking to improve this starting to sometimes worse Sometimes sometimes worth frustrating absolutely. I've said, you know, some of my toughest cases are guys who have really been negative negative stuff out there And so I know I needed to I didn't want to be just another right another thing that they went through and so I guess what There's a secret to to what I'm doing It's one just you know giving the basic skills because it's not some complicated thing that they're always feeling like I'm missing some other Parter I got to lump some more information just giving the basics of what really constitutes great interactions Making sure that they have the essential skill set and they're not missing anything on that end making sure they understand that This is what I need and they can create all the great interactions. They want from these these basic things And then it's just kind of hammering home like mindsets throughout the entire time that we're together You know four days of me there. They're getting tired. They're wearing themselves out enough I'm just constantly like hitting them over the head with the same Message it kind of can start to re-trigger and so You know a big message is just that you know There's gonna be some people that just aren't in the mood to socialize I just aren't going to be looking for any romantic connection in their life for whatever reason that this isn't about Oh, there's a person. How do I yeah get them which is ridiculous? It's not saying it's cloudy What dance can I do to you know make the sun come out right now? It's human beings are that uncontrollable essentially and so just kind of shifting the focus of what this is not supposed to be You know the message that so many other people promote as you know This is what it is and you're gonna get to saying that's not what it's about and just kind of promoting and then also the stuff that I teach It's very much centered around Real connection really enjoying the the company of people You know whether it's gonna be romantic or not and I mean at the end of the day I think that a lot of guys come in thinking that they just want more sex But what's really going on and I can relate to this in my own life Is there just they're kind of hungry for a deeper connection with with other human beings with people? Yeah, you know Because you bring up something really interesting or you're bringing stuff up And I'm thinking about myself and sometimes if I talk about myself all the time because I'm always in my head I know it but you really have a different philosophy Going into this. I mean, I'm sure you know that you've worked on other people's boot camps and kind of seeing how they do it But you're really coming from this place of like, hey, you know, that's normally talk like if you get rejected It's not a rejection. You know, it's this experience. So what do you say to a guy if it's like no What are what are the three things I need to say, you know, if I'm coming to you and saying like well How do I approach to give me three things that I can do I'm saying that's mine That's that mindset. That's just creating this cycle of like misery and failure and frustration. Yeah getting in that It's not about that if you're looking for that You're gonna be looking for the rest of your life and you're never gonna get anywhere, right? It's like what do you want? Do you want the top three things to say or do you want to be happy do you want and then some guys are like nope I still want the top two things. Yeah. Yeah, like when you're so frustrated I mean when you're in pain and you can't see beyond that So with a guy like that you just say hey man, relax and go work on yourself or say, you know There's gonna be other people out there that I think will really right be more what you're looking for right now And in earlier on in my career well before I had developed as a coach and before I even have this track record It was more difficult for guys to see they believe like I don't want that crap. Yeah, like oh yeah connecting like all right That sounds cute, but but after You know people have worked with me for years and years and you know that people read the testimonials Crap I do want that. You know that's pretty good And the other thing too is is anybody who's actually having sex or like has a sex life, right? You know like so you're you're actively interacting with women. You have friends Like if you have those if you have those things in your life, and we're laughing about it But it's like God you you do value the connection. I mean that's it It's like if you're not having that because having bad sex sucks. It's worse. We both know yeah There's plenty of guys who have like you know gotten more plays and are More miserable or because especially cuz they this thing that they think they're gonna bring them this happiness thing They've been banking on yeah all of a sudden doesn't it's like well crap. Where do I go from here? Yeah, you know the the first so I of course heard about you at the conventions all sort of stuff, but There's so many instructors, and you just like some it's overwhelming especially at the bigger conventions When it's just too much, you know, and it's just like God Anyway, the thing is is that I remember I had I was talking to somebody about sex and he had worked with you He was like man. This is the same thing that Nick was talking about this was years ago And I was like shit Nick Nick must be up to something, you know And I think I had messaged you like shortly afterwards. It's like hey, man You know this guy he was saying this and that like props and then just slowly, you know some relationship build then you moved to Austin short or very recently but your journey with sex and like You know discovering that for yourself and finding out what's good, and you know for me. It's a constant journey. I mean it oh, yeah, like I'm still my biggest project. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and that touches on even another thing like why we're coaches But um Man what what was that, you know, what is what is bad sex or I hear you throughout the word You know sex addiction or getting into like some sort of sexual unhappiness like What is that like where do you see that? Where do you see that with other people or yourself or? World in general. It's I mean Figuring this out for myself bad sex like things that that make me Like feel crappier is is basically sex with people that I don't really enjoy the company of yeah When I've got to like act in a different way that yeah, they like me and I know how to be attractive But I mean at the end of the day It's like okay like well you sleep with the person and yeah, that's done And then it's like then you can actually look at them as a real human being and say well wait I don't actually enjoy spending time with you whatsoever I was just kind of tricking myself into thinking that I enjoyed your company Yeah, just because like I had this this this desire for for sex And so that's what I would refer to as a sexual addiction when when you're putting that need first and exhort Ignoring everything else. So a process that's been for me is to look and say Do I before I sleep with them am I am I just am I tricking myself into thinking I'm enjoying their company? Am I subconsciously like playing but I don't really trying to look at a person as if I had just slept with them to say Okay, like do I really like hanging out with this person to our personality is actually really mesh And then if if you got that and you're really you've got that deeper that deeper place It's coming from the sex is awesome But if you don't it's it's kind of like, you know, you wake up the next day and you feel like crap. Yeah you know There was a point in the convention there were a lot of females at this convention, which was actually very cool but there was a point where It was like there was a girl there and I was just like fuck You know like yeah, you can't think No, no, I don't think we did But there was a point where it was like Fuck in it and this is what you got to understand like people are like, how do I get rid of the fear? You have the fear like like you I did not I would not have known what to say But this was one of the few girls where you're inspired to do the whole like direct thing I don't believe in like categorizations of game But it's like I really couldn't say anything other than like you're hot Fucking talk like just that's not my in front of me. I usually like let my intention known with my eye Well, that's the best way man, because we're especially sexually I think the closer we can get even if we're not physically close But the closer humanly we can get people feel that and sex is not determined by like Do you like me? Yes. It's like this other language that's happening with with sub communications and feelings and women here I was attracted to knew I was attracted. Yeah. Yeah our conversation Yeah, actually I've seen I've seen the the animal come out man. This is like And plus every this is another thing I was talking to this guy John Man, you should meet him. Uh, he was not at the convention John Lichenberg But he's one of the few guys that I'm like an ah listening to him about sex, but He has sex with everybody. He's one of the few guys where this is his lifestyle You know, it's not like he didn't become polyamorous because it's cool and some sexual deficit And I want to do that for like he's made it a life, right? But he's like, you know, if I'm friends with somebody I don't really know them if I don't know their sexual side You know, if I don't if I haven't experienced that and you you put that out there, man You're like, yeah, I saw you with the like Everybody has a different style, right, but I'll get like super aggressive But that being said, man, you haven't even seen I know You hold back Yeah, yeah, Marty is here and it's amazing and I'll get killed You will literally, yeah No, it's it's pretty pretty vicious dude strong woman. It's yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but also I'd even say to that Like she's had just as much experience as me. So it there's no I mean Jealousy happens we'll get there but Like she's gotten a lot out of her system and myself too, but No, we we saw this woman and you're like, holy shit. Fuck Like see even now thinking about it. I can't think because it was like it's just too much But that being said When I see a hot woman like that my My the next thing I know and you're kind of talking about this wisdom of like don't have bad sex is How can I See her like how can I see her sexuality to see if I like it? You know, it doesn't necessarily have to be her emotion, but that could be part of it. But how can I see What she's about other and if I can't get that then then it cuts You know, that's where like I said, I'm still work in progress. No, no, no, but how do you talk about the ideal thing of You know needing to really enjoy their company, but then something like that happens And like it's very very hard to keep that in mind. It's like I just want to be next to her Yeah, yeah We're all like subdued and just like fucking uh, but but okay one thing here How do you See that process, you know, like of getting to know getting to feel her To know because I'll tell you this if you get to a point where You get that arousing urge And it's overwhelming to you It's not that you don't want to act on it. It's that you want to see how that action is going to happen And actually let's get back to this question after this quick break