 All right, today we're talking about high value behaviors. Now, this is a part two. So our previous month's Toolbox episode, we talked about low value behaviors and how to identify those in yourself and others. Today we're going to be defining what we mean by high value, we're going to be talking about some behaviors to look out for in yourself and others to identify those who are high value. And we're going to give you a simple strategy to start inviting more high value people into your life, as well as how Johnny and I have implemented this in our own lives to continue to become high value. So this is jam-packed with great information. We're so excited to share this with you because this is literally one of our top topics and downloads in the history of this podcast over the last 15 years, right Johnny? Absolutely. And it's not only the top downloaded, it's also sort of the AOC philosophy and it's what we do at AOC. And I'm super excited to talk about it because I'm sure that there are a lot of new listeners who have heard the previous episode to this. It was a few weeks back about the low value behaviors and then we paused it right there when it was getting good and we said, all right, now that we have your attention, stay tuned for part two. So here we are. Now, I like to think about this like an operating system. I know many in our audience work in tech and love working with computers. And a lot of the toolbox episodes and strategies we talk about on the show are the programs that you can run to get results in your life. The program you can run to make a great first impression. The program you can run with a conversation formula to win people over quickly in conversation. But under all of that, are your default behaviors and beliefs about the world around you? That's the operating system that we're going to be covering today. And when you upgrade your operating system from low value to high value, you actually start filtering in amazing people into your life because those low value behaviors that we talked about in the past episode, we're going to run through them real quickly. But what those actually do is they repel high value people. They showcase to high value people that you aren't worth investing in, that you are going to be an energy vampire and maybe not someone that they want to spend more time with. Let's kick this off by just talking very briefly about what were the low value behaviors we covered last time, Johnny. Let's go with the first one. The first one was supplicative behavior. And as we wrote it out, supplicate is an old word it basically means to beg. And we talked about when it comes to value, we define it as attention, approval and acceptance because that's the value that we can all give. But it's also the value that we all look for to feel good about ourselves. The operating systems that we are going to be talking about is how we get that value for ourselves. So when we talk about supplicating and begging, it means to beg for attention, approval and acceptance. And why is this so powerful? It's powerful because our brains are conditioned to seek these things out. When we get attention, approval and acceptance, our dopamine receptor is fire and we get flooded with the feel good chemicals and then we seek it out. And what's interesting about this is once you understand people's main ways of going about getting that value for themselves, you could start predicting their behaviors because feeling good and being flooded with that dopamine chemical is addictive. The second one is combative. And we like to say for the combative person that they get attention, approval and acceptance by making others feel small. They inflate, they puff up. So where the supplicative person shrinks to adversity, the combative person, he inflates. He looks to make other people intimidated, put other people down, any way that he can get other people to be reactive to him. And the third one is competitive behavior. And this is for people who compete for attention, approval and acceptance. They find that to be their go-to means of getting attention, approval or acceptance for themselves. Now all three of those behaviors drive people away. Begging people to like you, people pleasing as we've talked about, nice guy or gal syndrome, that actually works against you. It doesn't filter in high quality, high value people into your life. Now as you can imagine, being combative, turning everything into an argument, always having to battle, to fight, to get people to pay attention to you is also not a winning strategy. And competing, one upping, you may have encountered this person who always has something nicer, a better accomplishment, they've achieved more. And the second you start talking about yourself, they have to chime in with how they are slightly better than you. Well those three behaviors are low value in that they actually repel high value people from your life. And that's why it's so important to recognize them in yourself first and then recognize them in others. And as we've talked about in previous episodes, it's really easy to start to see these patterns around you. It takes another level of self-awareness to start to realize it in yourself. And that's one of our missions inside of the X Factor Accelerator Program and working with our clients, is not just installing all of these programs and strategies to be more charismatic, to build better connections, to grow your social capital, but to also understand at a much higher level how people operate and how they show up in a relationship with you and in turn how you show up in a relationship with others. It's a lot easier to see it in our coworkers. It's a lot easier to see it in a work environment. It can be very difficult to see it in our personal lives. And I know, Johnny, you have a great metaphor for this I'd love for you to share. Every guest that we've had on this show when we've discussed body language and behaviors as of lately, notice that they've all said the same thing. In order to read these things in other people, you need to be able to accomplish them and have them in order in yourself. Once you gain control of them in yourself, then that's where you see the matrix. Now you're able to see these behaviors in others. This allows you to maneuver through the world much easier. If you're somebody who feels like you always get taken advantage of, or maybe you're always in an argument with somebody, or maybe you're exhausted because you'll always feel that you have to compete with people all the time, well, that is because you are working at the level of your operating system. It's time to level up. Those are clear cut examples of where you are in this operating system. So to give you an example of what this might look like, I always use this one in our classes, which is let's say that you work in a competitive office environment. And in that office, people compete, it's cutthroat. There's a lot of combative folks in there. Probably if it's a combative place, the supplicative folks, they've probably have been weeded out or they play a minimal role. So now you always are battling. And let's say over the weekend, there is an issue of work and you've come up with a solution and that you get all excited about it. I can tell you, I don't know how many times I come up with ideas that I've flipped out about. I'm so excited. And because of that, I'm running about how I'm going to present this idea to AJ. Oh, this idea is going to solve everything. I'm going to be a hero of work. You're thinking about how you're going to present it at that Monday morning meeting. And as you begin to think about presenting your meeting, you start to think about who's going to be in that room with you. And maybe there's a few people in that room who would love to knock you down a few pegs. Maybe there's a few people in that room that just seem to, no matter what you have to say, they got something to squash it. So now you start to think, well, how am I going to maneuver this? This idea is so good, but I don't know. And then it becomes too overwhelming. The idea of dropping this idea is just going to get tanked by multiple people in that room. So you go from feeling excited about going in Monday morning to present this idea to, you know what, it might be best that I just keep this to myself. I don't need the aggravation and it's going to be a war if I bring up this idea and then not only do I got to present it, I got to figure out how to execute it with people who are looking to tank me. It's it's better. I just forget about it. I'm going to go in, grab my doughnut, grab my coffee and act like it's just another Monday. What you might not realize is that this could be your friend group. Right now, if you find that you're dimming your light, you're not sharing your passions, you don't want to talk about your mission. You don't want to let people know your new hobby or what you just got into. You might be surrounded by low value people who are competing, combative or chasing your value. And this occurred in one of our clients, Eric's live. So he joined the X Factor accelerator because he wanted to grow his network and he really felt like his social group wasn't what he had hoped for, especially coming out of the pandemic. And as he joined the X Factor accelerator, we started going through some simple strategies to meet, connect with new people. And as he was going through the high value section in the core modules in the program, he started to realize that in a lot of instances in his past, he had showed up as very combative. He thought that people were trying to take advantage of him. So he had to fight back and he had to win arguments and he had to argue to even get his point across. And as he started to look at his communication, his past behavior, he started to realize that a lot of people weren't sticking around in his life because he was pushing them away by being low value. And who was left surrounding him? More low value people, people who love to fight back, people who love to one up and prove them wrong. And that's the problem upon self reflection. It takes a little bit of work of holding that mirror up to yourself to realize that if you're running the wrong operating system, well, you're bound to find toxic people in your life. You're bound to find low value people hanging around because they're the only ones who are willing to put up with it, have the patience for it or be running the same operating system as you. So now that we've got that out of way, I'd like to share another story. It's the same scenario. However, the culture of that room has changed. The value of the people and the culture of the office changed. So rather than a cutthroat office, let's say that this one has been built on cooperation, collaboration, hearing people out. And when there's an idea in that room, it's not about cutting it down. It's about how do we make it work? So imagine that weekend you come up with an idea that you know is going to be helpful and possibly even solve and be the solution that are problems in this office. You get fired up. You can't wait to drop this in on Monday. You roll in Monday, you're going to drop this idea. People are going to look at you as a hero and you start to think about how you're going to present it and you know that everyone in that room is going to be fired up. And if that idea is feasible and there's a chance that it might work, that everyone in that meeting room is going to come around and try to work with you on figuring out how to implement this. How do we execute this and how do we win with this idea? Now how fired up are you to roll into that office? And as AJ mentioned, imagine if that's your social circle. As you make this change, right, I want to go back to this metaphor because we all run Mac here at the art of charm. And if you've ever updated your operating system, it takes some time. It's not a simple flick of a switch. You got to download it. You got to install it. Then you got to check all the apps and make sure everything's functional again. It's a bit of a process. And we want to be here to support you through that process because when you're surrounded by high value people, you are in a growth environment. You are going to feel your best. You're going to show up passionately and excited to share your ideas as Johnny shared. And you are also going to start to see the world as opportunity and not victimhood, not people who are trying to hold you back, not dog eat dog competitive, which may have been your operating system up until this point. And that's why we love the work that we do. I love the strategies and I love giving simple solutions to how to have better conversations, recognizing emotional bids so people open up and get vulnerable with you, how to tell an amazing story so that people remember you. Those are all amazing strategies. But underlying all of that is the beliefs and behaviors that you show up in the world with. And when you make this court change and when you start to recognize these behaviors and beliefs and others, it's so empowering. All of your goals become reachable. All of those dreams and passions that you've been chasing, you don't have to do it on your own. You don't have to keep it inside. You don't have to wear a hard hat when you go out of your house thinking that everything is coming at you. Instead, you're fully supported. And I look for that in every relationship now in my life and my professional relationships, when I'm networking, in my social relationship and in my marriage. That's exactly what I was looking for. That level of belief and behavior brought into the relationship has sparked so much passion in my life. And that's the core level change that we love so much for all of our clients and why we do the work that we do, as Johnny was saying. This is the ethos of the art of charm. So what does it mean to be high value? As supplicative is to beg for attention, approval and acceptance. Come bad of is to fight for attention, approval and acceptance and to compete flat out competing for attention, approval and acceptance. High value people cooperate for attention, approval and acceptance. In fact, they give it. They give attention, approval and acceptance because they know that it's going to be given back to them. They want to be around people who are going to reciprocate those behaviors. When you recognize this cooperativity, when you recognize that by giving value, instead of taking it, instead of chasing it, instead of beating people up for it, it actually comes back even more in your life. And we've had Adam Grant on the show. We talked about give and take and just the power of simple favors. Being a cooperative person, willing to share the stage, willing to elevate those around you, that has a ripple effect on every relationship in your life. You end up getting more referrals in business. You end up getting introduced to people to rapidly grow your social circle. People love inviting their friends to meet you and your romantic life grows because people are trying to set you up. People want to help you when they recognize that you're a cooperative person. It unlocks so many doors and opportunities. And we ask every single person we interview on the show, what makes them extraordinary, what is their X factor? And almost all of them share and think on it for a little while because they realize that the relationships that they've built in their life, the opportunities that have been created to get them there, they didn't do on their own. They didn't go it alone. They didn't fight tooth and nail to get it. It takes building great relationships to reach these extraordinary heights in your life. And it's incredibly important to understand that the behaviors and actions that you exhibit are going to attract those behaviors and actions. If you're a low value, well, then every day is going to be difficult. When you're a high value, you're excited because walking into that office, you know that you're going to be supported, encouraged and celebrated. If you're not being supported, encouraged and celebrated in your social circle, it's high time to start thinking about how that social circle was created and what you got to do to create a better one for yourself. One of the common threads that I see through a lot of our clients and the letters that we get, people talk about how I'm starting to come around to the idea that I'm not being supported or encouraged in my social circle. I'm starting to think that some of my social circle will take advantage of me or I realize that I'm the one doing all the planning. I'm doing all the work. I'm trying to organize everybody and it's always down on me. And I just wish that would be reciprocated. And I always ask, how long have you had these friends? And a lot of times they're like, oh, I've known these people from college. I've known these people from childhood. Don't you think you've grown since college and childhood? Don't you think you've involved since college and childhood? What makes you think that they were on the same trajectory that you were on? This is incredibly important. If you're listening to this show, there is a high likelihood that you've been implementing all of the things that we've been discussing on this show for years. And I'm sure you've told your friends about it. Did they take interest? Did they go out of their way to start changing some of their behaviors? Some of their actions? This starts to get you to think, perhaps you've outgrown that social circle. Perhaps it's high time you start creating one that is offering the support, encouragement and celebration to you, your needs, your ideas. And we've talked time and time again about recognizing toxic behaviors, recognizing relationships that aren't working for you. And it's so much easier to see it in others. When you do the work and you recognize that you've shown up in a combative way like Eric, where you've shown up in a competitive way in the past and you start to change and you start to realize that I need to be cooperative, I need to be high value. At first, people aren't going to recognize you. They were conditioned to you behaving in a certain manner. And change is difficult. Change can frustrate people. It takes them outside of their comfort zone. And this is where it takes a little bit of patience. But what ends up happening is the high value people who are waiting for this transformation, who've been that childhood friend, who were your neighbor growing up, who've been in your life through thick and thin, they show up twice as much. They get excited and enthused to see this growth in you. And it's one of the most recognizable moments of growth that we can all encounter. And so Eric, when he started working with us, recognizing this behavior pattern in himself, he wanted to use a simple strategy to grow his social circle. So we shared our social sales funnel and I'll break that down in a second. He started hosting events and he realized that in order to grow his social circle, well, he didn't want to have an event by himself. So he had to start inviting his old friends to get momentum. And some of those old friends were low value. So he hosted his first event. Some of those low value friends showed up. They were down on him. They were cracking jokes at his expense, competing with him, being a bit combative. And all these new people he had met and tried to welcome into his life. He was really feeling this tension of like, well, I can now see my old friends and their behavior and I want to have new friends. How do I shed this? How do I move on? And what ended up happening is the next event he hosted. Those low value people didn't show up. They no longer felt comfortable because Eric had started to change his behavior, the way he communicated with the new people that he was bringing into his life and the old low value people didn't accept the invite, didn't show up to the next barbecue, didn't actually stick around. And that's OK. That's a normal part of the process. It's OK to break up with friends. It's OK to leave relationships behind and to recognize that that time in your life, that relationship worked for you. Much like a romantic relationship, you know, I think back to my high school relationships, I think back to my college relationships. They worked in that moment of my life, but I don't think I could date those people now. I don't think I could be with those people now. So it's easy for us to see it romantically. We often cling to people in our social life because as we've talked about on the show, making new friends, it's challenging. If you don't have simple strategies and tools and if you aren't willing to take a step outside of your comfort zone to have that confidence to be the person that you want in your life. If you're an adult and I would say well into your 20s, I would say most of you have run into sociopathy in your friend circle. I would think that you've run into people who you realize are narcissists and the things that they chase in life, attention, approval and acceptance are gotten through means that perhaps you don't find very interesting and how you would go about things. And one of the most important things to understand about sociopathy is that those people don't operate the way you do. They have no qualms in hurting other people to get what they want. They're unable to feel. They're unable to see other people as human beings. This makes it incredibly difficult. I say that because they're out there and they're plentiful. And I wrote a four article series on this on our blog. AJ, you and I have done the research. We see the numbers and we can tell you. And I put this in those articles. Those articles were written a while ago, but around 2010 due to the advancements in technology and how they're used and what they focus your attention on, likes, shares and comments. These devices have rewired the way we see the world. And the numbers of narcissism and sociopathy has started to climb at ridiculous levels. So if you have run into this in your life and you think, well, that one person that I had met was incredibly awful for me. And I need to stay away from people like that. I got news for you. They're multiplying. They're getting more plentiful. In fact, the technology that we have is creating them at a rapid pace. And I say this because sociopathy is something that you're going to have to navigate for the rest of your life. And that means that those people are everywhere. They're going to be in your office. They're going to be in your relationships. They're going to be in your friend circle. They might even be in your family. You're going to have to develop tools to deal with this. And you're going to have to also understand that it's not your fault. When you do run into these people, when you do encounter them, because they've gotten great tools to be able to snare you in. So it's quite important that we begin to develop these skills, behaviors and actions and mindsets within sight of us. So we're better able to locate them in the world. Now, we're going to talk about high value behaviors and what cooperativity looks like. But I want to set up this simple strategy that we taught Eric inside the X Factor Accelerator. We recommend all of our clients do if you're looking to expand and grow your network, whether it's personal or professional. We've talked a little bit on the show about sales and marketing. Being an entrepreneur over the last 15 years, a large part of what we do is marketing our services. And if you've ever studied marketing, if you've ever encountered marketing, you may have heard of the concept of a funnel. This idea that you have to, at the top, attract new potential customers or leads in the center. You have to qualify and sort through what are good leads, who would be a good fit for your program and who isn't a good fit for your program. And then ultimately, at the bottom of the funnel, you got to convert those into customers, those leads into customers. About 13 years ago, we moved from New York City to Los Angeles. And that move meant us starting over from a social circle perspective. I had a friend who lived West of the 405. And if you're familiar with Los Angeles, you know that the 405 kind of splits it in two. And because traffic is so bad on the 405, I would see that friend West of the 405 about as much as I would see my friends from back home in Michigan once or twice a year, even though we lived in the same city. So that forced Johnny and I to really rethink how are we going to build this social circle in our life? How are we going to find and attract high value people into our life like we had done in New York City? As we start thinking about, well, what do we do in sales and marketing for the company? Well, we attract people to our company through the podcast, through the YouTube channel, through some of the free advice and content that we put out there. And then those who resonate with it, who get value from it, who enjoy it. Well, they end up asking for more help and support. And ultimately, they end up becoming customers if they want to join X Factor Accelerator. So they moved through a sales funnel and working with us. And I thought, well, how can I do that same thing? How can I at the top of the funnel, right, of funnels wide at the top? How can I attract a lot of opportunity and leads for my social circle? And what can I do to qualify all of these amazing people into my life and filter out the low value people who aren't a good fit for me? Many people will tell you, go to some events, meet some people and then chase them for coffee, chase them for drinks, chase them to hang out one on one. And if you've ever moved to a big city, everyone has a ton of stuff on their social calendar. L.A., New York, Miami, everyone has a ton of things going on in their life. They're pretty busy. They're trying to achieve their own things. So to get someone one on one, to get someone to hang out with you, whether it's coffee or dinner or lunch or go on a hike, it's asking a lot if you just met at an event, if you just had a drink next to them at the bar, if you just encountered them at a meetup. So instead of trying to force everyone to hang out with me one on one, chasing them, which is a lot of work, you feel like you're a social secretary, trying to coordinate calendars and follow up with everyone. I thought, well, if we have this podcast that attracts people to the art of charm, what if we start hosting just something fun? And Johnny and I love the NFL. We had an apartment building with a pool. So signed up for NFL season ticket and we would have NFL playing on the TV and we would go hang out at the pool. And we really opened that up to be a fun hang, watch football together, something that Johnny and I really enjoyed. And of course, a pool in L.A. Who wouldn't want to check that out on a Sunday? The first event we threw, it was really just a handful of neighbors in the building that ended up stopping by and checking out. We had reached out to some other people we met and they had other things going on. But we stuck with it. We kept hosting that. Every Sunday it was just throw out an invite, tell people to bring their friends so they have a level of comfort. And knowing psychology as humans, when it comes to meeting strangers, we're afraid of new places, we're afraid of new people and we're afraid of new experiences. So I wanted to counteract the psychological barriers that would keep people from hanging out by sending them the address ahead of time so they knew kind of where they were going. They could check it out on Zillow, letting them bring a friend so they wouldn't be alone meeting strangers. And it would be something that they enjoyed already, NFL, right, or a pool. After about four or five weeks of hosting this, we started meeting great people that I never would have met out just trying to chase people down at a bar, that I wasn't meeting at just meetup groups. I was meeting awesome people and their friends. They had a reason to bring their friends. They had an invite, something fun going on on Sunday. And all of a sudden, I had a lot of people interested in hanging out with me. And then I would invite them to spend one-on-one time. Then I would invite them for that cup of coffee, one-on-one. Then I would invite them to hike. This process, the social sales funnel, is something that anyone anywhere can do. And we've had clients host a beach barbecue. We've had clients do an open mic night. Johnny, I know you've used it to promote some of your music. It's a very simple process that works in business that can also work in your social life that keeps you from constantly chasing and trying to coordinate one-on-one hangouts. And the people who show up, the people who are comfortable to go to this event, in large part, they tend to be high value. They tend to be confident. They tend to be cooperative. Oh, someone's hosting event. I want to show up for them. And they're curious and they're interested in meeting new people. So it worked to filter in amazing people into our lives. Marketing funnels are meant to maximize your time and efforts. And this social sales funnel is set up to do the same. Maximize your time and effort. And the thing about it is we're busy. We got jobs. And for a lot of people, you can't be out at a bar every night of the week trying to chat people up. And if you are doing that, eventually that's going to be a taxing way to go about things. So this allows you to meet like-minded people wherever you are and put them into the funnel so that you're able to meet up with them, qualify them. And if they meet those requirements, then become part of your life in your social circle. Now, I've used this in my dating life. I started inviting women. I was interested to the pool parties. I used it in my professional life by hosting a poker night and a hike, knowing that a lot of entrepreneurs that I was looking to meet played poker or were interested in being outdoors in the sun. So I'm not saying you got to be into NFL and you got to host people at your place and you need a pool to accomplish this. But the event you want to host is something that showcases your personality that you would be excited to do whether two people showed up or 20 people showed up. And recognize that once people have an opportunity to meet you, see a little bit more about you in a group environment, something where they don't have to invest an entire evening to hang out with you. They don't have to go to a concert. They don't have to go out for dinner. They don't have to go out for drinks. They get a small taste of you, your personality, who you hang out with and they like those vibes. Then asking them after, hey, I really enjoyed hanging out with you. I'd love to hang out and run you and I'm going hiking tomorrow morning. You want to join me. That one-on-one invite becomes a lot easier to get yeses to, to get people to show up for. So the strategy, casting a wide net, gives you an opportunity to utilize your time effectively to meet quality people into your life. And then at the bottom of the funnel, to start investing one-on-one time with those high value people that show up. And this strategy, what I love about it is it just makes everything easier. It's not about chasing one-on-one people. And many times when you move to a new city, when you're starting to grow your professional network, they can feel like a ton of work to have to chase people to spend one-on-one time with them to go out seven nights or days a week to try to get people interested in you. So it amplifies your value. We also want to flip the script in how you're looking at getting attention, approval and acceptance. If you are going out and you're seeing crowds that you would like to be accepted in, well, you're in chase mode and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be accepted by a group and you will have that opportunity. But you can also start to build your own group, your own social circle, where you are the center of it. Once you're able to put that together, you're not worried about wanting to be accepted into other social circles. When you're looking at it from that lens of oh, I hope they like me, I hope they accept me, this makes all of your behaviors difficult because you're being self-conscious because you do not want to say or do the wrong thing that might cause them to not like you. So you're on edge, you're nervous, you can't be yourself, but if you're building your own social circle, it's your rules, it's how you're presenting yourself and then you are able to bring in and connect with people who dig and like and connect to you. That's the power in it. You're highlighting your own personality, your own value instead of chasing that of others. Now, what are some example behaviors of someone who's high value? As we go through these behaviors, I want you to think about not only how you show up in relationships, but the people in your life that you're spending time with and are they creating this in your life or are they acting in those low value ways that we talked about earlier? So when we mean cooperative, Johnny, what exactly do we mean? Well, we are giving attention, approval and acceptance. We are allowing those that we interact with to feel good about themselves. We lift people up rather than put people down. So are your wins being celebrated? Life events that you're excited about? Are they being acknowledged? Are you willing to share the stage with other people in your life? High value people tend to have open body language. They're interested in the world around them. They're not self-focused. They're not turning inwards or being small. They're happy to give a favor, to be generous with their time, their resources, their network, making introductions, helping you achieve your goals and your dreams, not just focused on their own. It's great. And when we're hosting these events, we're gonna spend our time giving. We're gonna spend our time making those who show up feel good about showing up because once that happens, they're going to want to be around you more. So AJ, as you know, I've been in Vegas for a while and I've implemented this very strategy in building out my social network here in Vegas. And we could talk about that all day of some of the great and fun things I've done. But a few months ago, I had to have my wisdom teeth pulled. Getting your wisdom teeth pulled that they don't let you drive home. Now, getting somebody to pick you up from getting your wisdom teeth pulled that maybe don't know you all that well is a big ask. It's almost like it's close to asking them to help you move for an afternoon because they got to deal with you. They don't know in what state you're gonna be in, what's going on. And I was like, oh no, I couldn't find a car service that would do that. And I didn't want to put this burden on anybody, but the appointment was coming up and it needed to be done. So one of my friends here in Vegas just happens to run a music blog that I love. And before I moved out here, I had been corresponding with him about how much I like this work and how much music I've discovered from his blog. And then when I moved out here, I would seen each other at some shows together. We started hanging out. And one of the things that I had told him was that during the pandemic, when I was in Los Angeles and not sure of what was coming down the line, like most people are incredibly nervous about what the news was putting out and the videos from China. And everyone was so nervous about what was happening. I told him that in my most terrified moment storing all of that, that I was able to relax due to his blog and all the music that I was finding that was calming me down. And at a time that I was so freaked out that it was his discoveries that led to my discoveries that made everything A-okay. And in fact, it inspired me to write a record that I'm now recording. So when I asked him to come pick me up from the dentist after having my teeth extracted, he couldn't help but say, yes, no problem. And I can't believe you were nervous about asking me. Of course I would do that. And this is one of my people that I hang out with the most here. But because I was a bit vulnerable and told him what his work meant to me and how that made him feel of the hours that he puts in that, just like the hours that AJ put into this podcast that moves a lot of you people and gets you guys fired up every morning. He was so appreciative. He was looking for an opportunity to give back to me for how great I made him feel in the work that he did. That's a perfect example of understanding when you give attention, when you give appreciation and when you give acceptance, as we said, invite people into your life. So what do high value people do? They give compliments. They're great listeners. They're full of positivity. They're looking at everything as an opportunity, acknowledging those around them. This is even with strangers. So one of the big tells that I see, especially here in LA, going out to dinner or drinks is how these new people that I'm meeting are hanging out with treat service staff, treat the valet, treat the waiters, waitresses, treat the bussers, right? Are they acknowledging them? Are they positive? Are they rude or short or gruff with them? You know, these small behaviors and actions and one of our buddies Ravi always says, how you do anything is how you do everything. So by mistreating people around you by not acknowledging people looking the other way or by being dishonest, those are low value behaviors. So I'm looking for honesty. I'm looking for positivity. I'm looking for compliments. I'm looking for someone who's not afraid to share the stage to elevate those around you. I'm also looking for someone who takes responsibility. A high value person will be responsible for their actions. They're not gonna blame other people. They're not gonna gaslight, change the topic, avoid anything that they did, any action that they took, whether it was good or bad, impacting you in a positive or negative way. And they're comfortable getting vulnerable. As I said, they're comfortable going to new events, to new places, stepping outside of their comfort zone and sharing with you, opening up who they are. For some of you, you might think what we're talking about sounds easy or that these are small things and they are. And it is easy, but you have to build up to it because being vulnerable is not easy. You have to allow yourself and work to get comfortable with being vulnerable. And here's the other point that I wanna make in why this is difficult. High value people have done a lot of work on themselves to see the world in a way that they can take advantage of it and build their dreams. The world is a difficult place to navigate without doing the work on yourself. We are conditioned and programmed to see the negative, to be fearful. And I also wanna state, on a philosophical level, we start out as insecure, scared, impulsive, hairless apes. And we need to work from that, right? Now, the high value people in the world, and we always get these letters, where do I find high value people? How do I bring high value people into my life? Well, because they've done so much work, they're not going to put themselves in harm's way of having the work that they have done be destroyed. They are very cautious of this. They know it is difficult to build and very easy to wreck. This is why people in sports are very keen on who is hanging around and who is coaching them because they don't need the new habits that they have built to give them that one percentage point better at a shot to be destroyed. In order to bring in high value people, you have to make room for them. They are going to notice the crowd that is there and they will make that decision of whether to put themselves there or not. High value people are conscious of everything that they consume. They're intentional. They have purpose in everything that they're doing. That's the work that they are putting into life to make it so that they're excited to wake up every day. Now, like attracts like. So you start from within as you change and upgrade your operating system, you stop focusing inward on getting people to like you, taking that attention, taking that acceptance and that invite and instead you focus it outwards by listening to people deeply, by getting them to open up and be vulnerable and acknowledging that vulnerability, by appreciating and celebrating their wins, complimenting them, talking about what about them you enjoy instead of tearing people down, being snarky, being sarcastic or being just downright rude. And then you accept by saying, hey, come to my social sales funnel event, come check out my music show. Hey, I got this great poker night coming up next week. I'd love for you to join. When you build outward, you send the signal to those in your life who are high value that you're worth investing their time, energy and effort in. As Johnny said, high value people are highly motivated. They're focused on their core values and living with a purpose and improving their own lives and the lives of the world around them. And because of that, they're in tune to these subtle signals that we might be putting off around low value behaviors, around people who are combative, arguing, around people who are one-upping or begging, pleading for people to pay attention to you, being the victim. So once you start to see outside as opportunity and you focus inward, out, so you are building these values in yourself and then sharing them with the world around you, everything becomes a lot easier. You start getting favors, you start getting invites, you start getting referrals. Your network rapidly grows and people start to build a great reputation around you and what you have to offer the world. What we're talking about here has changed our professional lives, it's changed our social lives, moving from big city to big city to big city, starting over, rebuilding and inside of our Facebook group. We had posted up a cheat sheet around moving to a new city and it was wildly popular. And we surveyed, we pulled inside of our free Facebook group. What is everyone looking for in terms of content and training? We go live in there every Thursday, Johnny and I are training inside the program, inside the Facebook group and overwhelmingly everyone said build better relationships. I wanna build more connections. And I think we're all coming out of the pandemic really understanding the value of having great relationships with people. You may have lost some people through the pandemic, lost touch, not spent time, not invested in those relationships. As we come out of this, in order to build and foster great relationships in order to create connection in your life, connection that you want, connection that you need, it starts with you being high value. And next month's episodes are all focused on this theme of connection. We have some great guests coming up. We have a toolbox specifically around building these great connections in your life. And that's why we wanted to wrap this month of May with this concept of being high value. When you're running this operating system, building connections becomes easy and it multiplies and it expands. So some of you have asked and written us, how do you get all these guests on the show? Like how'd you get introduced to Kobe or how did you get that obscure author that I've never heard on another podcast? And in large part, they're being referred to us. I had a recent show guest, Carrie Newhoff, reach out to me and say, hey, AJ, I listened to the latest episode, you're talking about emotional intelligence. I have this great person that I think would be amazing on your show, check this out. Everything becomes easier as a high value person. It's less chasing, it's less us bashing people's inbox, begging them to come on the show. And it's our network looking to build us up on their journey, on their mission. This is why I got involved in self development in the first place and it is one of my favorite subjects within the X factor accelerator. And I think for a lot of people the last two years has shown them a lot about themselves and the people that are in their network. And for a lot of people finding like minded people who want to learn, grow and connect is difficult because growing is difficult. Growing means that you're gonna be doing and thinking about things in new ways. And as AJ mentioned earlier, for people who know you very well, for you now to start using inconsistent mindsets and body language and behavior, well, that's going to make them incredibly nervous. And you're gonna find out that there are people who are gonna encourage you to grow and grow with you. And there are gonna be people who are gonna try to knock you down and give you a hard time to keep you where you are. This is why it is important because once we decide that we're gonna commit to growth and evolve, then change is going to be constant and it's gonna come rapidly and it's going to be a challenge every day. And it's difficult without the proper support, encouragement and celebration around your wins that make this possible. In fact, I'd say doing these things on your own is impossible. We need encouragement, we need support and we need celebration. And that's exactly why we love the X Factor Accelerator, the group network that we've built and all of the clients that we've worked with over the years. And that's why this week shout out goes to an alumni of our boot camp, Greg, Johnny. I know you had a conversation with him recently, a huge life accomplishment that he was happy to share. What did Greg achieve after his boot camp? Greg has been working diligently and during the pandemic, he had put a book together and basically it was a spiritual and philosophy journal that he had put about how to live well and he put those ideas out together and now he is celebrating its release. It's out on Amazon and Greg was just so happy that he was able to accomplish that and it was about opening up these doors of opportunities to see what is actually possible and go for it. There's no greater vulnerability than taking a piece of written work, audio, video and publishing it out in the world. Congratulations on that, Greg. We're gonna link it up in the show notes for our audience to check out. All of the resources today that we talked about our Facebook group as well linked in the show notes. Before we head out, big thank you to our producers, Michael Harold and Eric Montgomery. We hope each and every one of you have an epic week. See you guys.