 So today we're going to talk about the golden bachelor and the shocking revelation that I heard Recently and we'll see if it has any merit to it, but we're going to dive into this conversation I don't know if you're like me, but I was actually hopeful for this relationship. I know many people thought let's get real You know mo a lot of people thought this divorce was coming I don't think anyone expected that this early actually I'm not even sure many people thought this would actually happen But I think it's an interesting Commentary for those of us in midlife and can love really happen in midlife And was the show the bachelor by the ABC by ABC setting us up for some level of Disappointment and we're going to dive into that now one of the things I thought about with this particular couple is since both Gary Is it Gary or Jerry? I keep messing it up Gary We're both in long-term marriages which ended in their spouse passing away We certainly had a very novice green Demographic of people who haven't really been in the dating marketplace although we learn later on that there are some skeletons in Gary's closet and I want to get into that But what I heard that I want to share with everyone again. This is hearsay. I don't know if this is truth But let's just read it and unpack it for a moment and it says Regarding the Golden Bachelor Gary and Teresa and they it reads as follows they broke up several days before the wedding It was posted that they broke up and later deleted it. I think he refused to sign the post now. I Think ABC probably had them go through the motions of the wedding to save face They were married in January and didn't post anything for Valentine's Day to each other ABC also was supposed to post the Golden Bachelorette or who it is But I believe they were postponed that announcement because they knew about this breakup I'd be surprised if the marriage even was legal. I Believe they had a ceremony just to appease the viewers and refrain from releasing information about the Golden Bachelorette because of the failure in this relationship this announcement damages the entire franchise because of the type because of the hype associated with the Golden Edition and its expectations ABC has to has had to rev rev revamp its entire marketing strategy for the Golden Edition and On a side note is he really back with Leslie? That's on the side note is Gary if Gary was really retired. Why couldn't he move to Teresa? Okay, these are just some of the the comments and things that are going on out there But this is an interesting commentary to midlife You know as I said a moment ago Gary and Teresa were again, is it Jerry or Gary? I keep messing it up in my head, okay? We're relative novices and for many of us in midlife who was thrust back in the dating marketplace Whether through the loss of a spouse or through a divorce The the entryway back into dating can be very confusing and in your put into this bubble Like the Golden Bachelorette where it hyper focuses on romance where you're flying off in private jets and taking helicopters and 500 million dollar, you know yachts taking you all around yachts with jacuzzi's on them It's no wonder that they had a false sense of attraction towards one another They had a false sense of attraction You see the reality is is dating today for those the rest of us who are not in this You know bubble if you will dating is a new technology and Most humans are rather clueless in this process Human pair bonding is so not nuanced and complex that general even my general dating advice doesn't work See the reality is is where we're we're we're just dealing with this show was what we're dealing in the show What the show represented was a bubble a fantasy a romantic way of approaching Relationships and what they didn't do was their general due diligence their general due diligence and One thing I by the way, I've connected with several of the former bachelorettes. I've been in communication with one of them I have connections to two others. I've been trying to get them on the channel here to interview them Not just for this but just in general But it appears that even the questionnaire that ABC filled out and again This is hearsay the questionnaire They filled out didn't even ask about general information regarding would someone be willing to move To be with Gary or and I'm not even sure that they even asked Gary If he would be willing to move for a relationship and the reason why this is so critically important This is like a fundamental piece in The early stages of dating like like this would be like the first this would be like the first deal breaker Not the first but this would be amongst my five or six or ten deal breaker questions I'd want answered especially when there's distance involved But Jonathan if we love each other love will solve everything and love magically makes things work out We would be willing to lift mountains and or lift buildings for love Folks we have to get real here Especially for the midlife demographic especially for this age demographic most humans have a fully curated life Just like Gary and and Teresa did and one of the challenges they had by the way, is it really true was it that he didn't want to move to her She didn't want to move to him. I believe it's something way deeper. I actually believe and this is just my supposition is that She found out about like I mean he was a I mean to some degree There was a misrepresentation this widower Who's just out in the dating marketplace and he's mourning his wife and he's crying all the time and certainly I'd like to hope that he genuinely cared for his wife deeply and that it was a loving marriage I certainly hold that space and he can have certainly deep sorrow over her loss But from what I've heard he was out there dating He even had a relationship where the woman there was a woman who actually lived with him for a period of time and This all came out after the bat after the bachelor series ended and yet Gary and Teresa were together for quite some time before this even aired on television So so when this revelation came out about him and that's not the shocking revelation. I'm talking about It's quite possible. She had major second thoughts And certainly based on what I read to you. Is it possible? He wasn't willing to sign from what I heard He signed a prenup. I don't know what a post-nup is by the way, what is a post-nup? But anyway, oh, I guess it would be after the fact right so So with respects to the this fundamental vetting of another human being This series doesn't do that It's all a fantasy and ABC in some ways set us up For high hopes for our demographic and the reason why it's so I'm so passionate about this and why I was so interested in this Is that I was actually hoping that this show Would increase hope for everybody it would actually empower people to do the to do the work Well, the show wouldn't empower. I might channel is here to empower Individuals to do the personal development self-help and spiritual or So you can actually become a magnetic attractor for the type of relationship you want. That's right I'm a big proponent of that and in addition In addition learning the actual skills to vet for another human being by the way There's a link right here to Jonathan as Lee dot com forward slash coaching That's my area of expertise to actually enhance your intuition through true genuine discernment And if you need some help with that again, there's links below the schedule of discovery call with me to see if working with the coaches right for you You know, there's a lot of people coming out I guess former bachelorettes that are sharing their thoughts about this relationship and It's a perfect example of how going in believing chemistry equals relationship success Set sets up for failure. You see genuine compatibility Along with shared values along with emotional maturity is the pathway to relationship success and So the fact that ABC didn't even ask in their questionnaire and I'm sure people had to fill up, you know Hundreds of pages in their questionnaire hundreds of line items in their questionnaire. Excuse me It's rather shocking that this wasn't discussed In fact, I want to make right making an announcement to ABC right now I think it would be imperative to hire a midlife dating and relationship coach like myself to actually school The participants you see this fan Okay ABC set us up for a fantasy. We all know that we all know reality TV is Staged in a fantasy and it allows us to escape a little bit of our own space and where we're at in our lives And I say this because I'm in the same boat as you and I held very high hopes for it At the same time the reason why I scream at the top of my lungs on so many videos is to be the wake-up call to recognize that as I said earlier human pair bonding is Rather complex and it's very nuanced, you know, if you really get if you really understand that human personalities are Rather complex because of not only childhood wounds and adult traumas, but everyone has a unique experience in their life And sadly we have this deep narrative that somehow Love this intangible this intangible. You can't put your finger on what love is but somehow that's such a powerful force That we will abandon our personality for another human being that's the kind of the expectation We will morph into someone else's Expectations and that's just not the reality and why I'm a bit. I'm a bit the biggest hopeful romantic out there Believe me. Well, let me reframe that. I just happen to be a gigantic hopeful romantic Let me just say that I I hold space of a divine union with another human being a spiritual partnership as I often say to many of you I call it a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship. I hold that space that it exists at the same time I'm a pragmatist and a Pragmatist ask those deeper questions to determine genuine compatibility with one another So what is the lesson we've learned in all this what's gonna happen to the golden bachelor and golden bachelor at franchise? Those are good questions. I think the lesson is and I think most everybody Who watches my channel knows reality shows are just pure entertainment and To actually believe that this is gonna work out is rather naive. I think I think the problem with ABC was They treated the golden bachelor like they treat the the bachelor and the bachelorette You see when you're dealing with the demographic of 20 and 30 year olds These are all people who are blank slate for the most part. They don't have fully curated lives Unlike Gary Teresa Leslie fate everyone else that Joan everyone else April Oh God Susan Nancy. Does everyone remember Nancy Susan and Nancy isn't that the Never mind. You know the two of them together look like two other celebrities And yet I mean the fact is I mean the reality is is ABC is laughing all the way to the bank and all of this Because we all got sucked into this myself included It's more of an occupational interest on my part by the way I watched the Hulu version and I fast forward through a lot of scenes so I didn't really watch the entire amount I always fast for I watched the beginning and then I fast forward the middle because I care less about that and then I watched the end to see the rose In fact, I saw a meme that said the final rose he gave out lasted longer than their marriage. I I thought that was rather funny So what's gonna happen to the Golden Golden bachelor at franchise? You know what they're gonna survive. They're gonna be interesting to see who they pick next But what my most concerned about for everyone who watches my content is What lessons can we learn from this? Well? I think asking genuine, you know Cohabitation questions Especially when there's distance involved is a critically important thing to ask many of you know, I was in a long-distance dating dynamic It was the first question It was the first question I talked about because I listen many of you know, I lost a child And because of that I want to be close to my son who's still alive I feel a need to be near him and around him for a while And we literally see each other all the time we live Practically two or three blocks from each other and literally the complex next door to mine And so I was very upfront in my most recent relationship that I You know, it wasn't moving and she said well, listen, I contacted you I was the long-distance person that contacted you because I wanted to consider moving to your neck to your city if you will But this was a conversation we had right from the get-go We didn't allow chemistry and romance to cloud that judgment and we both agreed that this if this is going to work We'd have to live in the same city and we gave it a try by the way I'm very proud that we gave it a try and while it didn't work out for reasons that quite frankly were predictable See moving and living in someone else's space or moving to a new area We're not is it's not a sacrifice per se, but you have to be better I would think be really prepared to create a life in this new place. You live and So when someone has a nomad type life and prefers to travel all the time That wasn't gonna fork for them and that's okay. We gave it a shot Gary and Teresa gave it a shot Was it meant to work out? I mean who knows what's gonna happen to the two of them I think he's probably got an inbox filled with women who are interested in him and him It'll be interesting to see what happens with Teresa and certainly a lot of the other bachelorettes from what I understand Haven't met anybody and that saddens me that really I've heard through the grapevine that most every one of those bachelorettes Haven't met one. I mean they're not in a relationship with anybody and I'm surprised after six eight nine months of this How long ago was it? Well, I guess it ended about six seven months ago I'm a little surprised I thought their inbox would be full and the reason why I don't think their inbox is full is because in the midlife Demographic particularly men in their 60s and 70s, which is the age demographic of the show They're not Instagram users. They don't know how to slide into DMs this by the way Do you know like if I I would say most of my a lot of my friends don't use social media And so the idea of sliding into DMs. That's a very 20 and 30 year old Demographic experience, but I think one of the reasons why they're not actively out there at being or being hit up on It's because this age demographic really doesn't use social media for dating The bachelor and bachelorette. Oh my god whenever one of the bachelorettes or bachelors are you know, the show is over They are filled with responses responses responses and since women seemed well, I don't know if this is true I think in the golden bachelor demographic more women are probably on social media He might get a lot of advances or invitations for him Again, there was something fishy about him I can't put my finger on it, but there was just something off in my opinion and I thought the ladies were absolutely Wonderful, I thought they were beautiful very Bivacious they they didn't see they by the way as a person that observes human behavior I didn't think like they were emotionally fucked up as I think most people are but then again, I'm a generalist I think everybody is a bit fucked up It's just a matter of degrees But I thought it was a beautiful group of women and I hope all of them and all of you are watching Have the capacity to attract a as I always call it a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship I truly believe and I say this whole heartedly When you do the inner work and it's one of the reasons why I wrote a book called what the heck a self-love anyway A journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work. There's link below to get a copy of my book. I Believe when you do the inner work To really get solid in your in your knowing your identity your your Sovereignty that you actually become a magnetic attractor for what you want when you are ready And sometimes we need time to do more healing and that's okay And you know what? Hey, look at not everybody is gonna end their life with with their partner I mean actually the reality is is one person if you're partnered with someone someone dies first the other person's still gonna be By themselves. Okay, that's just the reality of life. It's rare to people go at the same time And yet I hold space whether you're in your 50s 60s 70s that you can actually or maybe even 80s I don't know normally work with that demographic That you can actually attract in a wonderful human being your life And you can hold hands together as you ride off in the sunset I hold space for every single one of you to experience that and so it didn't work out for Gary and Teresa Well, guess what if they set their heart to it They can attract a wonderful relationship going forward. Is this sinking in is this resonating with you? Please let me know if it is post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts as Always if you find value my videos, please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well and As always if you want to connect with me directly There's links below to schedule a discovery call with me to join my group called midlife love mastery to get my Dating vows to get all the books. I recommend follow me on Instagram listed below Alright, hey those who know my my live format. It's time for Q&A If you have a question Write the word question in the chat box and then post the question there after it makes it easier for me to find or you can Purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign the chat box all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of My son Connor as like that's a picture of him right there in the obey shirt with his brother Colin It's my son who passed away five and a half years ago and his honor We donate to causes like the Hoffman process Insight Institute and also scholarships to coaching as well It looks like our first question came in Linda I'm in Carlsberg resort come on down. Is that a question? I guess that's a question I have no idea where Carlsboro resort is All right, let's see. Hey, well, let's talk about the Golden Bachelor and divorce. Oh Yeah, you remember this whole line I can't imagine my life without you he kept saying I want to choose a person. I can't live without You know what this is another facet of this show that bug the fuck out of me is the whole all of this hyperbole all of this excess Fantasy. Oh my god. I was gonna vomit over the excess fantasy that was going on And I'm not a big proponent of saying, you know, like look they kept they kept saying I'm falling in love with you I'm in love with you. I love you, you know, like look, I can understand you have strong care For each individual you can feel a strong sense of care, but you know what I hold sacred the words I love you. I Say I love you to my son because I genuinely love him I say I love you to my friends because we built Deep roots together over many years and I certainly have love for humanity on a grand scale But when I say those words it has to mean Sincerely I'm here You matter. We are important. I've got your back I'm not going anywhere and I only want you and it's so saddens me when we Cavalier Lee say the words I love you as if there's genuine meaning behind it there was absolute no meaning behind it Because and and maybe you know, and they and by the way when they were doing the breakup You know when they were doing the interview the breakup We love each other and we just hope each other can find love everywhere else I'm like God you guys I mean just get off the show, you know And I hope to God that we we don't see them for a while because They created a false sense Look at I guess Look at I recognize that a lot of men and women Have a literally say the words. I love you. There's no doubt that it is a representation And again ABC is laughing all the way of the bank with all this drama if you will but you know what I Don't think it's healthy. I don't think it's healthy for the rest of us who genuinely want a Significant relationship. I think to some degree. They owe us an apology. Who agrees that they owe us an apology I think they do Anyway, that's just my two cents on it cuz in the house How do you reach a healthy compromise in partnership without giving away your power? You know, that's a great question. I don't know how to I don't know how to say it in them in them in the Macro it'd be better if you gave me an example and I could give if you gave me an example. It'd be so much easier because You know So let's talk about the fact that they neither one of them wanted to move because they had family together In their respective homes and I can recognize that that could be a challenge. They had fully curated lives where they lived So one person might have had to move now. Does that mean they're giving up their power? I don't think so I don't think that's that's you know compromise means trade-off. I think you know I think of the word trade-off you're trading one thing for something else. That's the way I look at it But if you're compromising your power, it's mean you're agree You're not really genuinely agreeing to something you're agreeing it to appease the other person not because you're willing to accept it I think that's the way I interpret giving away their power. So Annika. Thank you so much for that question. Helen's in the house. I Just came to your chat and find it very interesting Well, that's not a question But I do appreciate that and if anyone wants to join me live and to talk about the golden bachelor Here's a link to join me live and we can talk about it a little bit more Mary's in the house Do you think ABC should have had only three or four women after the interview wait Do you think ABC should have had only three or four women after having interviewed them extensively? You mean you you mean the entire show be based on three or four women? No, I don't think that would work You know, I mean the show is what it is How would I do the show differently that might be a how would I do this show differently I think I would have a therapist on the show I would have a dating coach on the show And I would be more instead of lavish entertainment I would rather see them like having real interviews with each other That's what I'd prefer to see where they actually vetting one another The problem is probably no one would pat like by the first episode, you know, most of them are compatible So it's probably not gonna work out. So that's not gonna work either. That's just my rough thoughts Sandy, how do you deal with loneliness? I've done a lot of work. I just hang in there until tomorrow It's it it it'll be a better day, but I miss touch. Why is it so hard? No casual sex. I want a serious relationship Well first I If we're talking about Partnership based loneliness versus if you have no friends in your life, I would immediately curate friends I would immediately go to coffee shops and hang out and make Friends with people. I mean, you can go, you know, I mean certainly if you're in a work environment My hope is you have friends. So if we're talking about Loneliness I suspect you're talking about it in the context of a romantic relationship Now I recognize physical touch is rather important physical touch. So here's the thing Let's be real How are you going to be seen by single eligible people? Believe it or not as many of you reject as many of you who reject online dating It happens to be the number one place people are meeting. I know you don't like hearing that I know there's a oh speaking of online dating. Hold on a second a woman by the name of Vivian or gal Sent me the this book called romance scams. How to avoid romance scams. Okay You can check out this book. Let's see. You can visit mind body beauty calm Mind body beauty calm check out the book now. She sent me this book and I agree to give it a little plug I skim through it. I Think it is important to be aware of of scams out there to have some general knowledge of scams out there and But I I don't want to get I don't want everyone to get caught up in the online dating scams that exist I mean, it's still it represents probably less I'm gonna say 20% They tend to target people who are vulnerable. So when a woman puts together a Wonderful profile she is less likely to be targeted It's for those people that put together very mediocre or pathetic profiles because that's a level of their own Self-worth. I think most dating profiles are so poorly done That it's easy for these scam artists to target those people because it really the poor Dating profile is a reflection of a poor individual self-worth and I would say Um, it's interesting. I I'm gonna tell you 99 of the dating profiles I look at are so poorly done and probably 50 percent are horrifically done. Okay, which to me represents a lack of Individual self-worth. That's just my projection. Take it or leave it Now with that said online dating still happens to be the number one place people meaning by the way If there wasn't online dating, we would see our single population Increase even more This is why I have a job right now because many of you have a bad picker You're just not good at picking from the pool that you have and again If you need some support with that check out a link to a discovery call with me That's my area of expertise to improve your picker and because when you have an improved picker You become more of a magnetic attractor to what you want All right, let's keep going here Let's keep going. Oh, do we have any questions? Lindy linda says gary is a dork gary or gerry god. I look at that name and I keep wanting to say gerry so Let's see Becky says abc shouldn't push engagements, but couples should date after the show, you know, that's actually a good I don't think they should have rushed the marriage. They should have dated But that relationship was doomed right from the very beginning and not because of the geography I think they were misaligned. I think okay. So here's the bigger difference I think between the bachelor and the and the bachelorette versus the golden series Younger people as I said earlier in this video are like blank sheets of paper and they're younger They're they're just in a different space and energy I think for the older demographic for us. It's we have these fully curated lives and we're rather set in our ways And I would suspect maybe He wasn't compatible with any of them You know, that's the thing because he's not really dating them. It's just a Romance curated show Unlike the bachelor and the bachelorette, which there's actually a little bit of different energy going on. That's just my projection anyway um Let's see lin says I I hi joining this late But I do feel the network is solely looking for ratings and having a finish with a proposal as the ratings boost I was happy with how the women presented them so represented our demographic. You know what? I'm going to tell you something those women. I actually thought were all class acts every single one of them and they were they weren't There wasn't any backstabbing going on. I mean, yeah, there was a little tistle between um a little between Nancy and Teresa But for the most part it was actually I I I do I think every one of those women were represented class And I I do believe that was one of the benefits that came out of the show Is that you know it reminds us it's a reminder that women can be beautiful And attractive and look wonderful in evening gowns and bathing suits And it reminds everyone that we can actually be this is still one of the best Periods of time in our life those of us in our 50s 60s and even 70s So I really appreciate that that was probably the byproduct That was the byproduct of what I appreciated about the show Is a reminder that we can all be absolutely in our space of self love Even in our 50s 60s and 70s. Okay, onica is back in the house Uh, what is your opinion about conscious dating? What does that mean to you? Is that discernment? Well part of conscious dating is discernment part of conscious dating is intentionality Is about really getting clear on what type of relationship you want now. It's interesting. I was reading Was it a pew study or in psychology today? It's actually surprising Particularly with women who are in midlife. This is the over 50 crowd more than half of women um And actually over half of women are not desirous of marriage Uh after going through a divorce something like that and I apologize. I don't remember the exact numbers I mean, it was a very high number and actually men were more apt to want to get married than women in this study I mean, I don't know where it came from so And so one of the things is is I think humans aren't really clear On the type of relationship they want because there's not any real Formal understanding unlike when we're in our 20s and 30s because the primary reason why two people got together For the most part was to make babies and raise a family. There was a there was a structure in their partnership See now we're we're spending lives with each other And they don't know what that structure looks like and because of that Conscious dating is about being intentional like many of you follow my channel. You know my rhetoric I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest Spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal our professional life Intimacy both physical emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together getting married very intentional plus I have my dating vows that I recite would recite or I've already recited them once and I would recite them again But my dating vows is the intentional This is a conscious intentional way of dating and the dating vows go like this By the way, there's a link below in the show notes To get my dating vows and it goes like this I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious within the next three to six months It's intentional Both men both both parties recite this to each other I agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together I agree not to actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process Including taking down our dating profiles. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus ghosting pulling back or disappearing And I agree to invest regular time in the process to getting to know you 90 of people By the way, most people won't do this because we operate from a unconscious dating which is chemistry equals relationship success and vetting actually helps you Remove all the wrong people in your life. So you become a magnetic attractor for what you want All right, let's keep going Let's keep going Terry says younger people don't have baggage to deal with usually it's a clean slate exactly I said that It's inhuman nature to want to be liked and accepted especially searching for a person to share your life with And build a connection and make a strong bond. Of course we want to be connected All right, sandy's back in the house Do you think that was just Do you think that he was just after Teresa's money because he didn't want to sign a prenup? You know, I don't think I don't know it. I mean, I don't think he was after her money. I think he was look it Two incomes are better than one Okay, um, I think he's making a lot of money right now in his celebrity circuit. He has a pr agent. I'm sure Um, we'll see what happens going forward I don't think he was I don't think he went into the show going I picked the woman with the most money. I don't think that's the case It's possible But I just don't think that and the fact that he didn't he didn't want to sign a prenup Well from what I understand they did say he did sign a prenup. I I have I hear big stories mix stories on that So I don't know Katie says, uh, I have to disagree a lot of women acted desperate not classy including Teresa I I didn't feel that. I mean, yes, I did sense it a little bit, but You know, I think part of it's the show. I actually thought again, maybe I'm just maybe I have rose color glasses I really just saw them as beautiful women who were really just You know, hopeful for love. That's the way I saw it. But again, I'm kind of a hopeful romantic. So who knows Hey, jonathan. Hey everyone. I got to go a lot. Got a five. Okay. Thank you Let's keep going here okay, so, um Barbara says it has to be a higher number on women not looking to remarry I know I don't want to remarry and still would want an equivalent of a prenup if I get Into an exclusive relationship you know what I vaguely remember seeing that number really high in the 70s or 80 percent of women I just again right now. I don't remember it exactly. That's why I was being conservative But I do believe that's a very high percentage of women who don't want to get remarried I don't know how you can do a prenup if you're not married to someone. I don't know if there are any legal agreements I I don't know if there's any legal agreements you can have when you're shacking up with someone if that's even possible all right robin's in the house jonathan, can you do a live chat about widows and dating again? I can I I have a little bit of experience my ex-wife's mother was Was married to a widower It was interesting because I had an interesting conversation with them. This was 20 plus years ago I think a lot has changed but yes, we and I've actually I've had a number Now that I think about it I have a number of friends who have lost their partner and they've been back in the dating marketplace So yes, I'll do my homework and do one of those fairly soon RG says today's society is very divided politically many put their political affiliation on their dating profile. How do you feel about that? You know, well first off that's political affiliation has been around in the dating in the online dating world for at least 15 years I think political Okay, okay. Here's the way I view it Politics represents your ideologies the way you think and it represents part of your values If you are strongly in one camp And you're dating someone who's strongly in the other camp there might be some friction and again I know there's even two people in washington ones a republican ones a democrat They're a famous couple there together, but where they they meet each other Is in their I suspect in their mind and and they have one of those I agree to disagree I do believe when someone is strongly rooted in their politics It represents a strong root in their ideology and it can represent friction going forward So we're better served in finding people again if they're strongly rooted Someone's like yeah, I won't vote once a year and I'm republican or I vote once a year for a democrat I don't think their politics means much to them. I don't think it's going to matter as much unless they are strongly rooted That's just my opinion How is it that women didn't just drop out if I was a contestant? I would have wanted to drop out very early. Do you think they had some sort of contract? Yes, I do know they had a contract. I don't know the terms of the contract, but jone had to leave early so You know, I guess vanity could have kept them in too. We don't know so But you know, I mean how they were away from their families for what six weeks eight weeks basically Maybe they just enjoyed the fun I mean if they had fun Can you please talk a little bit about deal breakers and boundaries? Sure. Okay deal breakers A deal breaker is the exact word. It means a no-go for example Um a deal breaker for me is someone who smokes. I'm just not I just I I'm just It's I don't want it around me. That's a deal breaker and it's every once in a while. I see someone who You know that they put down social smoker and that's just not my thing. That's a deal breaker for me I know for some women, they don't want to date men who have small children at home These are women in their 50s or even 60s if they're still raising a child for some women That's a deal breaker and it's also true for men as well. That could be a deal breaker I know for some people pets is a deal breaker a deal breaker just simply means no a red flag is a little bit different For example, someone asked you out on a coffee date and some people think that's a red flag As if they're cheap well, it could just simply mean that they wanted to have a little bit more casual environment So I wouldn't put that as a deal breaker and yet I've watched dating coaches Literally tell women if a man asks you on a coffee break, that's a deal breaker That to me is a ludicrous deal breaker So boundaries, I like the way brunet brown talks about boundaries. Um Where is her book brunet brown? Um god, it's somewhere um so brunet brown Written so many different books. She defines boundaries as what's okay and what's not okay for me So you have to look at what's okay for you in the context of a relationship and what's not okay for example Um your boyfriend calls you every 10 minutes to check up on you You might want to set a boundary saying hey look, can we just simply check in with each other in morning And at night, okay, that's setting a boundary. Okay, what's okay and what's not okay for you That's my way of interpreting it the way brunet brown interprets it. Okay Uh, Lynn is in the house. What are your thoughts on disproportionate wealth? Do we assume someone is interested in your money ways? You know That's a really tricky question There's certainly women out there that want to be with extremely wealthy men. That's a very common thing We call that hypergamy Um So that's not uncommon. I know men who want to be with women who are extremely wealthy Shit if I met a woman worth a hundred million dollars, I'm not going to say no That she's worth that much money I mean, I I'm not going to reject it. I'd actually find it I think more money the more abundance the more opportunities for one another But the same time Money is a value You haven't read the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman. I highly recommend this book And uh, lin one of the chapters chapter four the cost of love Work and money This is an important conversation to address is money Very early on whether you're wealthy or not This is like this is the fantasy many you live in well jonathan men are supposed to be provider protectors And they're supposed to pay for everything because that's what men are supposed to do guess what There's a significant percentage of men Out in the dating pool that are 50 plus years old that have to pay alimony child support And they don't have an extra penny to give you to take care of any part of your life. That's one Number two We have a significant percentage of men and got went through divorce and they felt they got reamed over the coals financially And they certainly don't want to be a caretaker to someone I've heard women say to me and I quote jonathan. I don't want to be a nurse and I don't want to be a purse The purse part so money is a critically important factor To actually have conversations with early on particularly just even the entertainment expense Of dating I know we live in a world of traditional world and men are supposed to do things because that's what penises Penises are supposed to do that I'd rather have grown-up conversations with grown-up people and talk about what money means to them Having a conversation of what mainly means to them. How do you earn your money? I think by the way, if the penis is going inside the vagina on a regular basis These are very fair questions to have answered But jonathan, I don't want to scare him away. Well, guess what you only scare away the wrong person having real Grown-up conversations is what will set you apart from everyone else It's the fact that we don't have grown-up conversation is the reason why it's so dysfunctional out there That's my thoughts anyway Um bump bump bump bump bump. By the way, nobody donated to the conor asley scholarship fund There's a little dollar sign the chat box. How about some love for So I can donate some money And be really oh speaking of which pond just donated ten dollars super sticker. Thank you so much I'm going to give you a big gigantic jot them bear hug of appreciation Um Boundaries is what you define for yourself. Exactly. Everybody has different boundaries Oh margaret's in the house. Thank you so much for the super sticker. I appreciate that 14 dollars Okay, our goal was 50 dollars now. We have a we need 25 dollars more. Thank you so much Um bump bump bump bump Let's see Oh, here we go. Han's back in the house. How can a woman make a man feel needed and wanted while still maintaining her independence so I think well first off you have to find out what needs to do they have like you have to find out what What are your needs? What are your desires? You can't fill a need You can't fill a desire without knowing what it is. So you have to you have to ask each other What do you need out of a relationship? What's important for you? What do you desire out of a relationship and then you have to ask yourself? Are you compromising yourself to meet that need if you have to compromise yourself? Then you have to decide is their need Outside of your scope of being able to give because if you can't give that need then then maybe there's a misalignment there So you have to ask deeper questions. That's how you get there um Okay, tiny bubbles Do you think Teresa and Jerry discussed moving prior to marriage? Then Jerry promises her to move to the east coast just to snag her Hope to manipulate her to moving in Indiana gaslighting You know the fact of the matter is we don't know what happened behind closed doors. We can simply speculate You know, it's really not what what happened. It's what didn't happen That's the real issue here. What didn't happen was real conversations Before they were physically intimate with each other See, that's the real challenge here with our current dating environment Is we hyper focus on romance and chemistry and not enough on compatibility And even when two people have conversations, you can have the conversations You can go through it all and still not work out But you put your odds more so in your favor. That's my belief system. Anyway Okay, Barbara says here's my deal breakers They have cheated before younger children than mine all kinds of smoking morbid obese Highly in debt won't hold themselves accountable has poor relationships with their children and ex see there's a woman who knows her deal breakers Now, how do you find out all those deal breakers? That's what I teach in my private coaching Hey, Lynn, thank you so much Lynn for the $10 super sticker. That means our goal for balance tonight Is no, wait a minute You know what 25 35 we have 15 more dollars to go Thank you for the super sticker Oh, the body electric says the networks love to pull our emotional strings and play in our faces That is how they get you viewership. Yeah, look at it. We're talking about it But i'm talking about in the context of what can we learn for those of us who are in midlife That's what the context i'm talking about All right, let's keep going Lexi says yes generous does not always equate two dollars time and effort goes a long way I'm a big proponent of two people being both givers and generous and kind with each other People who are both generous givers and kind to each other two people that are capable of receiving from each other Are make the best partners just um to give you some context. Oh Maybe the next the I'd like to see the next golden bachelor read self-love in eight days Yes, I think before the golden bachelorette series every one of them need to read these two books Who agrees with me? Let's write abc and tell them they have to purchase these two books before they do the golden bachelorette Uh Oh here's someone says as I remember it from the bits of the show that I watched Teresa said she was willing to move to him and leslie was more reluctant And that was part of the reason for his choice Uh and her finances Maybe he was after her money and she said hell no Who knows? All right. Hey who wants to join me on the hot seat? I just posted a link if you'd like to join me live click on that link and you can join me live and we can talk about this Uh living large coaching says the golden bachelor needs therapy You know, I don't know about his psychological well-being um It's interesting. It'll be interesting to see how they how this ferrets out Over the next few months before the golden bachelorette shows up. I know many of you keep telling me Jonathan we wish you were on the golden bachelorette to be one of the bachelors on the show I would refuse to do that show first off I have no intent to be in competition with 16 other men I value myself too much not that it is a competition because I have no idea if I'd even be interested I wonder here's I wonder if I'd have the balls enough to meet on that first handshake and say no not I mean um and I say it only in the context of um you know How do I know this person is right for me? I have no clue about this person Like the men aren't able to date her She's dating them and that feels so disingenuous. I want to be dating together I wanted to be a co-creative experience Not someone I mean I mean granite to some degree the in the golden bachelorette. She's picking all the dates But it doesn't allow for my autonomy to show up and I wouldn't want to be in that type of curated format Okay, um Sandy says I would never go on the bachelor show Uh living large coaching says no Jonathan. You don't need the abuse of the franchise You know, um, I and I don't want the spotlight on me. Look, I I haven't so many listen Many of you know my skeletons in the closet. I Was addicted to drugs and alcohol after my divorce. I I was wiped out financially I was a train wreck. I had to move in with my mother and father at one point in my mid 40s I mean I have I have so many embarrassing things. I don't want to be raked over the coals I mean, I'll let you guys do that but um And thankfully you don't because you have a sense of compassion towards me But like many men I went through significant hardship. That's why I can talk about the emotional effects Of being broken. I was a truly broken man For so many years emotionally speaking And I don't you know, I don't want to be in a format where that gets judged by a You know without me being able to talk talk about the narrative. Anyway And I guess and by the way It's going to be interesting to see if who they pick for these bachelors But that's I can't that's why I can't wait for the show. I can't wait to see who they pick Um, oh, yeah, mccoy says some men don't like men as their competition I found out if they have self-esteem issues Sure, you know like I mean Look at one of the reasons why I like to date one person at a time Because if I'm investing in a person and they're investing in someone else That feels disingenuous to me not that I mean because I'm not in competition I want someone to see my value And not feel the need to shop around you see that's the problem with our dating today Conscious dating isn't shopping Conscious dating is intentional and one of the factors within conscious dating is you only need to go on Meet one person at a time. I mean Certainly if you've gone on three dates with someone and you're going to go on a fourth date You don't need to be shopping around. That's my opinion. Anyway, many of you have different opinions I know many people believe in circular dating and duty dating. I don't subscribe to that That's just me anyway Uh, let's keep going here tiny bubbles Question what's your take on bachelor in paradise golden in paradise? Uh, you know, that's just a fuckfest in my mindset. Excuse my friends. That's my opinion of it It's just a bunch of drunken young people having, you know, trying to have sex with one another That's my opinion of it. Anyway, it's not dating Susan would be a fun bachelorette. She would be interesting She had quite a bit. She had quite a person out I kind of thought they would pick jone as the golden bachelorette. That's my bet. Okay A she had to leave early so she didn't get a chance to go to the final four Um, and she she when she shared about what happened with her daughter. I was very moved by it Um, I think, you know, knowing that her daughter had to go through some complications. I believe Um, so I would I bet it's going to be jone. Who agrees with me? It's most likely going to be jone or who would your pick be as the golden bachelorette? Lexi says dating shows are scary and fun to watch the human element on steroids. Yes, I love watching it for The for the understanding of human behavior particularly the show love is blind Oh All right We've got genie in the house Can you hear me? You have to turn on your volume. Okay There you are Look in the camera. I am. Hi. Okay. Hi Turn on your volume Yes Your name What is your name? genie tantric Gina genie. Okay. What's your question genie? I I'm I'm going uh duplicate I I'm speaking because you have two windows open Oh too many windows. Okay. Sorry. No, no you have the you have two windows open to this You have are is it on your phone? No Okay, I I I closed youtube now. Okay. I've never done this before. All right. What's your question? First of all, jonathan, I I just want to say something quickly. I've been following you for a couple years. Okay It's it's been wonderful. I really enjoy Everything and and going through everything with you and marie. I just I just really related Well, thank you. Yeah, I was a matchmaker about 20 years ago and I've been online dating for four years. Okay, we had Two six-month relationships and then recently ended a 10-month relationship Okay, and Things are hard. A lot of people Can cannot do what we're doing. They cannot online date properly. It's really hard and it's hard breaking up with a A long-term relationship like you you and I have had Yours was longer, but it's really hard and a lot of people a lot of women don't want to put themselves out there like that So I would venture to say that a significant percentage of the single population over 50 Yeah, probably hasn't had a date. Like if they if let's say their marriage ended in their 40s Yeah, and they haven't done online dating. I would venture to say there's a group of women in their 50s 60s And even 70s that might not have gone on a date in 10 years. Okay I Okay, now let's look at now. Let's look at you for example. Do you mind sharing your age? I'm turning 70 next week. Congratulations. Happy birthday. Happy happy birthday. Uh, okay, so You've had three relationships in in four years in four years. Okay, so and you met them online Yes, okay. So ladies really quickly Here's a woman who's had Four relationships or three relationships in four years. She met them online now. They didn't go the distance Right. So let me ask you What was good about each relationship? That um I vetted them. Well, I'm really proud. I vetted them well enough and stayed with them to um All three of them are going to be Two of them are still are really good friends And the third one is going to be a good friend. We're going to be one is a theater buddy One is a flying buddy and the other one is a motorcycle buddy. I mean, I have I love me keeping them as friends Yeah, so so the fact that you weren't able to go the distance with them doesn't mean That you couldn't have a fulfilling experience with them and continue a fulfilling experience. So what so what the lesson here is See, here's the reality Your odds increase A thousand percent If you put yourself online versus not because the reality is there's most people in their 50s 60s and 70s Do not actively meet single people in their daily lives. I mean, yes, there is exceptions but the reality is Meeting organically doesn't happen unless you are constantly putting yourself in environments With people if you're not putting yourself in environments with people outside of your professional work capacity Then the likelihood is very small. So when I say a thousand percent, I just mean it goes up Substantially. Yes when you put yourself in front of people and that's what online dating does now That means you have to trench through scam artists like I shared in the book You have to go through a lot. You got to you know kiss a lot of frogs so to speak But it seems like you put together a good profile and if you have a good quality profile, you're gonna put the odds More in your favor. Yes And and you have to have I've I've been talking at going to senior centers and giving um a talk on this I I go and I usually senior centers are a great way to pick up people Oh, it's wonderful. I couldn't wait till I turned 50 to start going to the senior center. They have such wonderful programming But um It's a I tell everyone you have to be in the mindset here And you know what jonathan people are they're saying. Oh, I tried that online dating. I'm on I'm online dating now It's not working. Well, they're not doing the paid version They're doing plenty of fish and facebook dating get off of those. Yes Those who are it's the bottom of the barrel Spend the 30 dollars a month for match.com Spend the hundred dollars for six months for bumble or or hinge or whatnot. But yes pay a little money Put together a stellar profile. Absolutely. It's so funny. I really quick genie I had a woman who I met at a singles event recently and she's been just like you she's been following me for years And she said jonathan I always hear you say how 99 percent of your dating profile sucks She goes my dating profile is awesome. Can I prove it to you and I go? I bet it's gonna suck And sure enough she showed it to me. It was an a double plus It was an a double plus she had put together a wonderful representation herself quality photographs a well written essay Good content. She wasn't talking negative about what she's not looking for She just put together and I'm holding space for her to attract a wonderful partner soon Well, listen sweetheart, okay, I'm actually wrapping up now. It's an hour But I can I reach into the camera and give you a big gigantic jonathan bear hug? Yes Yes We're all thumbs up for online dating way to go. Thank you. All right, thanks. I've paid versions the paid versions exactly paid Can I just say one thing? Sure go in there ladies go in there Make your profile and everything like you're going to join. I mean you could join Without doing your profile right away. If you don't join with it. Let's say a week They'll send you an email coupon for 50 off. Yes exactly That's how you say and by the way when your subscription is up if you cancel it and say i'm cancelling it for money They'll discount it 50 percent Or they oh, I just cancel and then a week later. I get that 50 percent got it Good good thumbs up Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you Oh How sweet she was I'm happy birthday to her So she makes a good point online dating is still happens to be one that look at She had three relationships in four years while they didn't work out. She said she's friends with them She has a flying buddy. She has a movie buddy. She's made some really good connections I'm going to share with everyone some of my dearest friends In my life one in particular tammy was a a date we had that never turned in anything 17 no 17 years later no 19 years later. We are still friends. We talked today. She's in a great relationship Uh, we we're like each other's therapist for one another. We are dear friends with one another. We talk regularly She's in a relationship where she's moving in with someone. She's been through several of my relationships I I've met so many beautiful human beings through online dating Um, I'm still Uh, I'm actually still friendly with my last two relationships as well And even my ex-wife and I are relatively friendly to one another I believe you can make connections with people that can go that actually have meaning behind it meaning they can be Um people in your lives and I don't mean they're daily in my life for say except for tammy. She's like my best buddy um That wouldn't happen if I didn't meet her online. In fact, I was going to write a book So so I met this girl online And i'm still thinking about writing that book because I think online online connections Are just portals to people that you wouldn't otherwise meet in your daily life. That's all they're just portals To meeting people that you wouldn't otherwise meet in your daily life. Hey the golden bachelor divorce listen It's not a surprise to many of you and certainly there's a lot of controversy going on the most important lesson I just want to remind everyone And just like those bachelorettes on the show those golden bachelorettes. I believe If you individually do the work Well, I don't know if they did the work, but you know what they showed up as beautiful vivacious loving creatures I believe when we hold that space for ourselves of self love Self respect self worth self confidence self esteem self reliance When we hold that space for ourselves We actually become a magnetic attractor for what we want and I'm saying to everyone I deeply believe in your power and just like he man I have the power. I want you to know he she she About he how would it be she male she man? She man, I'm thinking of like he man You all have the power within you to attract a wonderful relationship And I want you to hold a vision and a space for that god universe spirit I invite that for everyone who's watching the show that they can attract a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship I hold that space for all of you and myself as well All right, did you find value in this video if you did post a comment below? I'd like to hear your thoughts as always if you did find value in it Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. She raw And don't forget that hit that notification bell if you want to connect with me directly There's a link below to schedule a discovery call to join my group called midlife love mastery to get the books I recommend to get my dating vows to find me on instagram all listed below And we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic child of the bearer of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it. We can all use more love in our lives I want to thank power chi and jenny From my facebook group. Thanks for being here She raw was the female partner to he man. Was that her name? God. I forgot that What is a good dating site to explore match.com is still the number one tiny bubbles lighthouse Cupcake terry everyone who donated kathryn julie julien. Hey julien. Good to see you julien. Good to see you lighthouse mccoy Molly tiny bubbles living large coaching everyone big hugs. Thank you so much for being on Sending you a big gigantic jotham bear hug of appreciation. Thanks so much. Bye