 I fill miko single. But anyway. Welcome back to ITU 5.4 TV. Before I go to my next conversation, it would be at the service of me to tell you to give me feedback to talk to me, to comment, to like, subscribe and everything nani kwa sekusama comments then you. So, I want to take a few comments here and there. Nimo na watu, wa metu ma a lot of love. Thank you so much. So, I want to read comments ma salamo and a few here and there. Makoha, anase ma Makoha Morris, anase ma namuishia Kabras, tuned and watching nothing. I'm doing this. Valentines, Charlie Charles, anase ma good morning, happy Valentines, mna kapua. Stay tuned all the way from Nyeri. Thank you, St. Kodaka, anase ma morning, and Grasha, happy Valentines. Thank you. Val, kwenya kwa piya ya me receive ya kem, twist nga gorooro, anase ma good morning, good morning to you. Ibrahim Yasira, anase ma good morning, Waweruwa Westgate, anase ma good morning, tuned in, Abraham Lukorito, anase ma amu watching, thank you. Walker, anase ma good morning from Kituwa Westside, Zakangoni, massive following. Thank you so much. Carol, anase ma good morning, everyone sing praises to our God. Ayya, thank you so much, Carol. Samuel Irungu, anase ma good morning, ayya ma say Tracy, anase ma good morning, Eric Kwanyama, anase ma Eric Chenenye from Rirupu Rizu, nothing to smile today since my relationship did not end well. Happy to those who are smiling. Oh, I'm sending flowers to you. I'm so sorry for your loss, but we are here to radiate your mourning. We are here to radiate your mourning. Then John, anase ma, Musoko Makmi, proresent, then Willie, anase ma, happy valentines to you, Val, watching the show from Naivasha. Valu, mesalimiwa na mutuapu, why in the morning watching from Narok, massive happy valentines to you, Queens, that is Moanik, thank you. Glenn, thank you so much for the love. There are so many, good morning watching life from Vihiga, then there is someone else anaito angolia, anase ma watching life from Voi, Kizito, anase ma watching from Moanda, Bungama County, John, anase ma following outa Musoko area, Kabushai, Constituency, Bungama County, then there is Clifford, anase ma Mombasa Tundin, Musamali, anase ma watching life from Meru, from Nyeri, Westley, anase ma Tundin, then there is Julius Murega, anase ma happy valentines, thank you so much. Then Kukuna Jayden, anase ma, ametutumia mawa, he has sent flowers to us and then give in to anase ma okay, then Kukuna Mungina anase ma following John Wehanya, hey, that's so much love, so much love, thank you so much. Keep saying, keep sending your love. We want to receive it. I will be still, I'll still be reading every comment as it comes. I'm going to definitely do that. But we are from the Autorizoma Tuambia, they dated for six months after six months waka fuga yuki tu waka sema ni ibo sasa waka ingia marriage and it has been amazing three years. Now, we are shifting gears to talk to our relationship coach. Webun kwa po nyumbaduna shanga mapezi muna high workout for you, waka po nyumbaduna shanga kwa ni ni ni ni kama na mituwa say and it's not working. We are here, the relationship coach is here to answer that and much more questions. So ladies and gentlemen, allow me to welcome Alan Lawrence who is our relationship coach. Yeah. Karibu Sena Alan. Thank you so much for having me. Kukonam tu. Well, I didn't see that coming. We have distance from somewhere. Like you know, and you have someone kukonam poa, ulimpe ama uwa, umemtumi ya ka message, ni metumu wa mese niya po yun toka kumifanya ni ske kule ni kiwa sent. Okay, interesting. Yeah, there is someone in my life. Father Lord Shanka Lamahande. Receive it. Yeah. Thank you. So, let me ask you. Yes. When is, let me pick him from the tour. I want to pick up from, they dated for six months then they got married. When is there an appropriate time for dating? Wow, interesting. You know, first of all, before even we get there, the thing is the aspect of maturity as a person first of all, before even you look at the time frame for you to date. So, are you mature enough to handle the dynamics of a relationship because naturally a human being especially for ladies start to mature at the age of 24. That is when this person is ready for marriage or rather for a serious relationship. Because you look at it even the government itself cannot allow you to vote before you attain the age of 18. So, how can we entrust you with some serious decisions of your life and yet you've not matured enough and maturity is not an aspect of age as per se. Is all about are you willing, are you ready to commit, are you ready to get into this thing with the seriousness that it deserves and for a man, mostly men will mature at the age of 25 going forward. So, that is when you can be able to sustain and be able to uphold a serious relationship. So, when it comes to the aspect of dating it's you now to have timelines because the moment approaching a lady as a man from a man's perspective are you already know the direction of this relationship. So, no matter the time I can stay there for 10 years, you get. But the essence is I don't know, like I'm sure I'm not going to spend the rest of my life with you. So, you need to be very serious about it. So, and also for the lady because for lack of a better word you guys you are at the disadvantage point because you are there to be like for someone to approach you. So, you need to have a higher bargaining power. Ask this person how long are we going to date? You get. It is a serious business that you have to be very, very serious about it. So, do not date for eternity. You need to have clarity from the very onset. Ask them, don't shy away. Ask them how long? Because you might stay there for, yeah. So, niki inga kwa relationship. What you're trying to tell me is that nulizu manome, for how long are we doing this? For how long are we doing this? Because the moment I see you as a lady, are you ready to know? So, no matter what. Because I don't believe this aspect of this person broke up with me suddenly. They broke up with you the very moment they saw you but they were just hiding and looking for an opportunity. Yes. Hey! Hey! Trust me. So, how do we go about it? How do we know? Because sometimes we as women fall in love with... What you hear? We fall in love with what we will hear. So, how do we know? And a man will get what he wants. So, a man will tell you, oh beb na kupenda, I want to marry you for... You know, they will tell you all the sweet nothing for you in gearbox. So, how are we ensuring that PSC has to judge as well? The thing is, it's not about what somebody says. It's about the consistency. It's about the actions behind what they say. So, do not look at the first value. Look at how this person treats you and it begins from a point of view understanding who am I? Do you love the person in the mirror? Because you cannot expect another person to love you at the expense of you not loving yourself. Even the Bible clearly says love your neighbor as you love yourself. So, it has to begin with you. So, love yourself so much so that whenever this person comes in your life they will not be like they are doing you a favor. You understand? They will be like we are partners. We are doing this together. So, it is an aspect of you understanding your love language and loving yourself so much that you don't need validation from the other person. So, they are coming just to compliment you and not to complete you. So, when you begin from that clean slate the two of you can be able to have this discussion and spot the red flags. If this person, like those small things that people tend to ignore this person tells you that we have to meet at let's say at nine and they come like let's say at 10.30 then you ignore them. Let me tell you those are the red flags that people tend you leave them for some time. That's why if the snake you ignore it's in the book of Genesis it will become the dragon that it will kill you in revelation. So, the same case in relationships. So, if you are going to ignore those small red flags you paint them to your preference then it will work against you. So, who should make the first move? Initially a man. Why? Because men we are hunters we know what we want. So, the first move is it's a man. Traditionally it's a man and you as the lady because we are partners you know what you are signing yourself into. You also have a say into it. You know I can clearly say this a man knows when the relationship should happen and it's a lady who knows when intimacy will happen. So, intimacy in the what I mean by intimacy is not it is how you connect because I can pursue you for long but you are the one to determine ok, make your books. You understand? So, it is the two of you need to collaborate. And have a serious conversation because you know it's a man who knows when the relationship will happen and have a serious conversation because 99% of a relationship is not anything it's all about communication and how well do you know that this person is committed the patterns of their communication communication will never lie communication depict the level of commitment in a relationship. Amazing. So, what of this women when you wanna say manga wacha mimi nim propose wacha nims idea? The thing is it depends it depends because if this guy has shown you signs and before even we get to that please brothers the thing is do not give signals to a lady no matter what you do and you've not spoken there is nothing you've done I'm handling a case of a guy who has been buying phones iPhone you know and you've not communicated and you've not communicated to this lady So, he's buying her gifts and he's not communicated anything this lady ends up in another me you are mine you are mine So, the lady apparently got involved with another guy so this guy is complaining I'm like bro you didn't communicate so any love that you've not communicated is vague you understand you know for every lady no matter how independent you are if a man gives you love there is a way you glow there is a way you just feel the lady the small girl in you manifesting so it's not a bad thing it's not a bad thing sometimes people will be like this lady is materialistic no she's not she just wants if you are the man in her life you know when I come into your life I need to come in three dimension I need to come as your father I need to come as your brother I need to come as your partner so if I'm not willing to navigate the three faces let me leave you alone Okay, as a father as a partner and as a brother so how do you play these roles because it's one thing to tell life as a father as a brother, as a partner and then some women will not sit and wonder probably take us through that Okay, there is a time there is a time you just want like as a lady there is a time you just want someone to give you a fatherly advice, a fatherly love you get because ladies will always tend to marry the man figure in their life like let's say you grew up with your dad you had the privilege to grow up with your dad so always you will look at this man as your father in the first place then you want that brother whereby you guys can just bond and become best of friends those siblings rivalry the way you just navigate then there is now the love aspect whereby this person is my significant half and we'll be able to navigate life together Amazing in the area of relationship so many issues affect especially today being valentine kukuala kitu ya ito apesa yes asa we need to talk about money you know I don't know how I want to ask this question I don't know I want to be very sensitive so I want to ask what makes valentines valentines is it the money is it the flowers what really because there is so much hype about valentine everyone is out there we've seen the streets many ame 20 valentines has shown us how the streets are looking and there is pressure for people pressure will only come if you've not been showing this person love it is immaturity and being very insensitive that you only need you need an occasion to prove your love for someone every day is an opportunity for you to prove love to this person I always say this love is like a prison why because you do not get into a relationship based on feelings you get into a relationship based on commitment so I'm committed to loving this person despite their flaws despite their shortcomings so I will be there for you I will love you the way I want you to love me you understand so I do not need a special occasion I understand people are having pressure so much that you have commitment you've gone all those so that to prove your love it is not intrinsically coming from you you are just trying to do based on what people are dictating unto you so you should not wait for a special occasion just love the person the way you are then the aspect of finances and romance most people do not have this discussion but the sad reality the reality on ground is there is no way you can do romance without finance even you going out there this is the reality that we need to have money is not everything but it enhances love you understand so there is a way today your partner texts you not necessarily on a valentine today like your partner texts you to Dubai you understand for a holiday in Dubai will it be the same way we love this person in some dingy place you understand what I am saying and it is not about the money as per se there are two kinds of people who in love there are people with means and there are people who are mean you understand so you can have the means but you are not philanthropic you are mean so the thing is a serious person and a philanthropic person they do not need to march to prove love they will do whatever they have to do with what they have but a person who is mean they will look for excuses let me tell you something it pains me you find a man spending most of his time trying to explain his poverty to a lady let me tell you by the fact that this lady comes in your life she already saw it let me explain yourself Rudia your parts very important so do not try to explain so much you understand by the time this lady and you are authentic this lady comes in your life she already saw it so you have to be very very serious and do what you can do within your means do not kill yourself trying to prove a point the moment you want to prove a point it is clear now whatever you are trying to portray you understand if you are the person who you are this person will eventually love you because let us have the way of seeing you you are 5 years down the line so if you are serious enough and living within your potential living within your purpose being real with yourself this lady will love you the way you are you do not need to have much to prove your love to this person and the idea of Valentine you understand so today I can buy you even chocolate you get there is mataz around the presenting of the gift that matters because we want to create memories the goal is for you to make your lady or your partner be like fall in love with you even more do not make a point that your partner will be jealous of other people's relationship or admire other people's relationship the goal should be other people to admire your relationship by the way you love your partner you do not need much to prove your love for a person let's talk about love languages in a relationship of course there are 5 love languages how should people ensure that they love their partner in their language because I have seen people assuming me and you are in a relationship your love language is gift my love language is quality type you want to love me with gifts me I want to love you with quality type how do we make that relationship work interesting and that is the challenge most people go through the best way for you to enjoy a relationship or rather love is for you to communicate your love language do not try to communicate my love language without you communicating your love language let me go the direction you are taking my love language is gift there no matter if I should be able to communicate gifts to you so I should be buying new gifts so that you understand that this person loves gifts so if all of us we are going to take care of what we are bringing in the relationship what we are going to get out of the relationship will sort itself out and what do I mean if today I buy you gifts I bring you gifts so you will be like okay this person loves gifts but most of us it is wrong we want some people to treat us the way we have not treated them so you do not love the other person you should love yourself by doing what you want the other person to do and to you so if you love quality time so then you should be endeavor to give me quality time you understand and endeavor to give you gifts so through that we will be able to merge so by the time I am bringing you gifts by the time I am bringing you gifts that is when we spend time we sit there we discuss some destiny altering decisions that we have to make and when we go out there for dates it is not for you to order meals like for your 5th generations no it is for you to have a serious discussion I was getting there but what should people do in a date I was getting there so what should people do you have already started talking about it so you can actually continue what should people do in a date because one people carry in a date is nice clothes and appetites and applying lipstick after 2 minutes please stop that thing it is nice to sit down have serious discussion have a question ask me about finances people shan away from asking especially a lady will be like this guy will look at me as if I am gold digger no you get we are able to know if I am coming into the life of this guy I am coming as a helper what am I really coming to help you get so you should not just be there and be taken for a ride ask those serious discussion how many children do you need are we looking at so that we look at where are we going to meet you understand so that period for you to date for those people who are dating for 6 months at that particular time when you are out there for dates ask those serious questions what is your religion who mentors you because a person who do not have an authority figure they look up to that is a time bomb run for your life why because if we are seated here and it is all powerful let me tell you it will work against you you have to have a person I am going to report you to so and so you will see me kept in you will see me remorseful so it is very important ask them about their religious life you get so they should be able to have that clear roadmap you need to know who am I getting to to meet so then the other thing is also look at the patterns in their lives people tend to run away today I get a lady out for a date then all we are seated there I ask them about their exes and all they are saying that this person was so bad but let me tell you when you are the angel you understand so if you did the same thing unto them patterns in relationship will never lie I have more than one baby I have two baby mamas then I am here promising you a long lasting marriage let me ask you what makes you think you are special because those are some of the serious questions we should be asking I will be vulnerable with you and let me come clearly tell you my weaknesses I acknowledge that you know what but you need to be very serious and very careful when you manifest your weaknesses to this person so that this person will be able to help you overcome them so that you become the better version of yourself today let's say I broke up with my ex over something then I need to have a serious discussion with you and I acknowledge my mistakes what was my role in that breakup so that in this one we get it right amazing so we need to carry lessons from previous relationship that is why it's an ex why do you think most relationships are not working especially for jens because people get into relationships with high expectations people get into a relationship as if it is a garage as if it is a rescue mission from themselves people are not realistic with themselves so they are looking at a place whereby they can just carry themselves run away from the realities and be like okay here we are so you find some people they run away from their financial responsibility they come to compound on their partner so they are looking for an escape god from their realities so that is where people get it wrong because I need to be a fulfilled single a crocodile in Kenya cannot be anelgeta in the US it will still be a crocodile so what am I saying it is a question of you being a fulfilled single if you are going to have a fulfilled relationship so you need to be a satisfied single so that you be a satisfied person in a relationship amazing as we hi man you know when you are having a good time it is well but as we are in the mood of valentine in love what is that one thing you would wish people in relationships know one thing people in relationships should know is love formed on basis of feelings is very fickle but love founded on the basis of you knowing that I am committing the rest of my life with this person it will be long lasting because you need the two of you to be united against the world not you divided against the world and wisdom has a way of building a house invest so much in knowledge before you get into that relationship because I believe it is where you invest that is where you harvest so spend so much time investing in your relationship spend so much time investing in each other so that you be so much grounded for you to navigate the challenges of our relationship finally time is too short but finally what lessons do you want singles to take before they get into a relationship or as they get into a relationship interesting I will pick a lesson from my book before you think of dating and one thing I will tell the singles is before you think of getting a life partner get a life that was a stopper okay thank you so much that is the only lesson you want them to catch before they think of a life partner let them get a life I think we need to have a part 2 of this conversation we will book you get a part 2 of this conversation because there is so much especially with the way love triangle LGBTQ has come in I feel like we have an identity crisis in the place of relationship with young people but Alan thank you so much for coming thank you for your time we really appreciate you I feel like it has been a minute I didn't even see how that went that was Alan Lawrence talking to us about giving us nuggets of wisdom being told we should go home but let me say this Alan Lawrence giving us nuggets of wisdom concerning relationships I love his last statement as a single person before you get a life partner get a life for yourself people in relationships mea miwa your relationship is yours sika maenye kwa kwa grip vime make your relationship yours don't pressurize yourself too much love your loved ones today watu eniwa kwa kwa lento all the best pray for us those of you that are going to go out for dates enjoy those dates but mea miwa carry questions don't go there with your appetite alone carry some substance in your head underneath that expensive wig you will wear please because carry one for the team but anyway that is it from mass of the broadcasting house we are so glad you made time for us thank you so much this was our special edition of Valentine's production God bless you have a lovely day my name is Grace Maenye we meet tomorrow same place same everything