 Boom! Welcome back to the Patriarch Convention 2022 of Orlando, Florida being held for the fourth year in a row right here in Orlando at the SuperDuperTriple 21 Summit event. Our next speaker is a returning speaker to the Patriarch Convention for speaking at our event in 2020, way back in the day now, two years ago, right? Time flies. He's an amazing speaker. He's one of the most powerful and most popular and most viral speakers we have ever had on 21 Studios, at 21 Summit, at the Patriarch 21, everything that we do. In my understanding on our channel, he has over 7 million views, just on our channel. Never mind his own, and he's also a very popular YouTuber in his own right and content creator. He's a former college basketball coach for women. He's a father of two, Patriarch, super badass guy, and I call him a personal friend of 21 Convention. He's been very good to what we do at these events. So I'm very proud to introduce Coach Greg Adams to the stage. Welcome Coach Greg. Thank you, bro. Thank you very much. What's up gentlemen? Thanks for having me here again. And this is the Patriarch version of the speech here. We're going to talk about father-son bond. And I thought that would be important because I've been studying, I have a son, I have a daughter, and I'm also a son of a mother, right? I grew up with a single mother primarily. I have a great relationship with my mother and my father. He didn't just leave for Marlboro's and Newport's and Milk. We have a bond and I lived with him off and on in my younger years, and then I lived with him when in my teenage years. But we talk about father-son bond because in our society one of the most broken bonds is the father-son relationship. People take it for granted. Sometimes people think they can remove the father and then the child will turn out well. And that's one of the problems because a lot of times men get pushed out of families and then young men grow up without the father and then there's issues. Similar to when you hear the phrase daddy issues, right? Daddy issues. Daddy issues is attributed to a woman who doesn't have proper relationship with the father. And the response to that is she goes chaotic, right? She's in these streets. She's a fabulous 304. She gets ran through more times than the Holland Tunnel. She has multiple male partners and then she's trying to find this connection with the man that she doesn't have with the father. But what happens when the son doesn't have that connection with the father? Do we say the son has daddy issues? Sometimes we might say he's a mother's boy and we're going to attribute the fact that he can't mature as a man because he has an attachment to the mother. Now we're going to talk about two things here. Son husbands and the Oedipates complex, circa Sigmund Freud. Okay, so we're going to talk about those two issues because those two issues are going to be relevant to the topic today. Alright, so let's take a look at what we have in terms of slide. The father-son bond. Okay, there he is. Mr. I left the family, okay, for a pack of new ports and milk. So this phrase I want you to remember, we hear this a lot. The father left, dot, dot, dot. Most of the time it's the father left, period. Now many times you don't need an explanation further because you hear that the father left, which means he abdicated his responsibility as a parent. And he was a jerk, asshole, deadbeat and so forth and so on. We just go ahead and complete that sentence. The father left, he was an asshole. He was a jerk. He didn't live up to his responsibility. He left the family. I was reading a bio because I was doing a live stream on an R&B artist. I'm not going to name his name. I'm going to try to not name celebrities directly, but if I want to go viral, maybe I'll do it. The R&B artist's name is Tyrese and I was doing a show because he had been going through a child support issue and he had been going through several reckless behaviors with women that have resulted in child support issues, combative female, family court and so forth and so on. And I went to his bio. I said, let me understand who the man is. Well, in the bio, it said his mother's name is so and so. His father's name is so and so. The next sentence, the father left. And I said, there it is. There it is. And then it continued with this story from there. That gap is not filled. What do you mean the father left? What does that mean? Why did he leave? Did he try to have a relationship with him during the intermediate period? That is missing. There's a gap. And unfortunately, fathers don't get to fill in that gap. We don't get to actually be a part of the solution or be a part of the experience because they just say he left. Now, here's what he left means. This is what it mostly means and nobody wants to deal with this. He left the mother. He didn't leave the children. He didn't leave the family. There was a disconnect between the mother and the father and it could have been simply there was a war. He came back. He wasn't in good mental health. He had to relocate for a job. The family stayed here. He moved over here. Eventually there was a little bit of separation. The mother probably said, we're not going to be here. All of that kind of stuff. We don't know. He could have been disenfranchised and lost his job, making it tough for him to support his family. So he had to go through a transition. He could have found a new girlfriend. She could have cheated on him. There's a variety of things that could have happened, but we never fill in the gap. We just say he left, thus leaving the mother to be responsible for raising the child. This is bad phraseology in our lexicon because we accept it. Fathers leave families. Fathers leave young men. Fathers aren't taking responsibility. Have you ever heard a person say, and this is what we're doing here. Thanks for Anthony for putting this on. Have you ever heard a person say, men need to lead? Have you ever heard that? A lot of women say this. Typically women that aren't raised by fathers. And they might say, because I don't have a father, I had to be a better person than I had to assume the father responsibility, or I had to learn how to live without a father, and I also had to become strong and independent. That's because men aren't leading. Now what we do here is we get up here and we talk to men. This is our form of leadership. This is our patriarch. We're actually passing on our information and our experiences to other men. This is the leadership. Then we go out to the real world and we say, we're going to lead. We're examples of leaders. We're doing the leading. You're accepting it, but then when you go out to the real world, guess what they say? These people are Knuckle Drager, Neanderthal, cavemen, misogynists, renegade pigs, anti-feminists, so forth and so on. And we're like, but we're leading. You know what the response back is? Yeah, see, we want you to lead, but not like that. Not like that. But wait a minute. If you're a leader, can you really have other people who want to be led require you to lead, dictate how you lead? That's very difficult. That is a line that is very difficult to do it. And now a lot of CEOs and a lot of people who are head coaches, they will say, well, when you get to the leadership position, you need to be good at listening, meaning they're passing off the responsibility. I'm just going to listen to these people and blah, blah, blah. The problem is many times you don't have time to listen to everybody. You only have times to make decisions. We call that the moment of truth meets the point of no return. Sometimes I have to make a decision quickly without the input of everyone else. Many times it has to be that fast. If every decision I get to, tough, difficult decision, and I stop and say, OK, gentlemen, OK, ladies, let's have a combination of input. The moment's gone. Moment of truth has arrived, point of no return has passed, and now I can't make the impact. So people want to dictate how we do this, and I think it's going to be the error. It's going to be a fabulous error, and this is why men can't lead even when they try to lead. Sometimes they're in a household where they say men need to lead, and the woman says, well, not like that, we need you to lead, but we don't like how you're leading. And they make it difficult, and so, thus, he's put in a difficult position. Do I stay here and fight this individual, or do I just abandon ship? There's a phrase we have in the child support argument, is washing your hands. OK? Just wash your hands in a situation. Many men have washed their hands in their relationships with their children, because it was complicated trying to lead the mother. And it was better than just, we got millions of sperm. I can make another one just like that, and they'll try again somewhere else. But it's difficult. So he'll go get a pack of new ports. He'll say, son, I'm going to get a pack of new ports, and he'll just abandon ship. It's a sad reality, but it's attributed to people not receptive of leadership, people questioning the leader, people thinking that this person doesn't have proper context to lead them, only in their absence to blame the individual for not leading. Many people that went to go get a pack of new ports went through a custody issue. They went through police being called on them, which I call plantation politics. They'll call the overseer over and make it hard for this individual because they're in an emotional situation, and they break the bond between the father and the son, and they break the bond between the father and the daughter simply to punish this guy. We're going to punish you because you made me feel a certain way, and I'm going to keep the kids away from you or make it difficult to access the kid just to punish you. This is what we accept in our society as normal behavior, and it's a sad reality. But we know children that don't have fathers, we also wrestle with this, are more likely to drop out, more likely to be teenage pregnancies, more likely to be emotionally stunted. We're going to get to that when we get to the Oedipus Complex. There's seven layers to being a people in a nation. You might want to write this down because there's no slide. Number one, you have to have the individual. You have to be able to be a good, proper individual, have leadership qualities, be able to raise children, and so forth and so on. You have to be a complete individual. In our romantic world, we say we're going to find someone to complete us. This is not necessary. That's myth and fairy tale. We need to become in as complete as possible in order to raise children. The second layer is going to be the family, which I support to parent households. People think I'm against marriage. I'm against some modern marriage, but the best way to raise kids is in a two-parent household. The family consists of the mother, the father, and the children. That's the family, not your cousins and uncles and all of them. The third layer is going to be the tribe. Now your cousins and uncles come into that. But your true family is the mother, father, and the children. That's your family. This is why a wife traditionally has taken the last name of you, your lineage, and you create the family. This is why at that particular point, she should be under the guidance of you, not her father anymore. This is why the father traditionally has walked the daughter down the aisle and transitioned the leadership to the husband. You're now the family. You're now the father now. But we've gone away from these things and women have said, I'm not going to take your last name anymore, and I'm going to keep my own last name, which is her grandfather's last name, but we won't have that discussion because we're dumb and we can't lead, but she wants to keep her grandfather's last name. We have all these ridiculous ideas of making traditional marriage and family work, but we're using progressive ideas, which literally, they're removing the father. They're saying the father's not leading. We're going to have an equal partnership. This is all bizarro world because you have the individual, the family, the tribe. That's three. That consists of the male needing to lead, and that all starts with the male. Number four, from the tribe, goes the community. And the black community, which is one of the dumbest phrases in the world, because there's no solid community. Like, everywhere you go, there's one everywhere else. Like, what is that community? There's no sense of community there. But, the community is important because you're surrounded. These are the people you're surrounded by. Your tribe tends to be, and traditionally were, part of the community. And you then become a part of everyone else's tribe. And there are rules and guidelines in communities. Anyone live in a community? And they say, these are the community guidelines. These are community rules. Don't do this, don't do that. Well, you have that in a community. And each tribe gets together. They get together with the other tribe, and they protect their community. The fifth one layer to that is the city. People have pride in their city. I ride for my city and I die for my city. Yeah, man. Cities are important to do that. After that is the state. We do have pride in our states. Many of us will ride and die and represent for our state and what not. And after that is the nation. That is the order in which everybody is held accountable for and men are to lead. It starts with the individual and it goes all the way down. Now, when you mess with that order, you have chaos. You're going to have a chaotic situation. That means the families are not going to be strong. That means your tribes are going to be in chaos. Many of you guys have chaotic tribes. Crackhead, aunts and uncles and criminals and whatever you guys have. The biggest pieces of trailer park trash is that you could imagine, right? You got that. But you can fix that inside. But you have a breakdown of everything else. And then the result of that is obviously the nation, the cities, the states, the nations are going to be in chaos. Do we have that today? Yes. It starts because men don't lead. It starts with the individual. They're not encouraged to lead. My man's out here smoking packs of Newport and chilling. And of course you have irresponsible people spreading their seed across and not taking responsibility of the kids. So these are the orders that we need to protect and these are the orders where you find your solutions. Every solution starts going back to that order because it can get solved quicker. If you start with the nation first, the nation needs to do this or you say the government needs to do this meaning the president, the supreme court and so forth for so on, well they can't pinpoint each individual. They don't have a need to do that. They don't have a need to understand each individual. They have to govern everyone else so they can't do it. Many times you will say that the government has this and there's institutional that and they need to fix this and they need to fix that. When the reality is the individual, the family and the tribes need to fix each other first. Then you go into the communities, the cities and the states. Then you can engage in the nation. That's the order of male leadership. As a result of many men not raised by women, we now seek our solutions but from the government, the nations, the states and the cities. It's chaos. It's disorder. It's actually something that benefits more women than men. That's how they find solutions to their issues here. See if I can get this up. One more thing here in terms of men. Aging men. A lot of things can be understood of how we treat older men. We use the first the phrase elder. Elders. They don't go together. Elder is somebody that you would look up to but hopefully if someone ages properly with their mental, physical and their chronological age you will have elders. We have a lot of people who have stunted mental ages and they can't leave. Many times they don't have a father but I want to show you how we treat it as they age. Which is not traditional. Men who used to age used to be the men who passed on the tradition to the young. But in our culture we completely disrespect and disregard manhood which is going to break this father and son bond. Because the son is going to want to test he's going to become the lion king. He's going to become the next leader and he's not even prepared because he doesn't have a father figure. Let me give you a couple examples. One is called the midlife crisis. Anybody heard of that shit? Midlife crisis. Oh look at him. He bought a Corvette. He went and bought a 9-11. Look at him. Because he's getting older he realizes he's going to die and he needs to have his fun. His last swing and attempt and so forth and so on. Now this is little more than shaming language for a man who has arrived in a leadership position or at least leadership age and it is also a guy who's probably had enough resources to stack to be able to afford that after sacrificing some 25 years towards his family. And now his family has aged his kids are teens and going into their early adulthood and now he can enjoy the fruits of his labor. But because we don't want men to enjoy life we always got to have him sacrificing and risking and giving up instead of buying the 9-11. He's got to upgrade the house, the castle for the wife so she can interior decorate the entire room with a flower wallpaper and stuff. See this is a shot at men. Oh man don't enjoy life no no no no sir keep sacrificing. That's not important. The midlife crisis is a shot at men who get to the leadership position. Let me give you another example. Have you ever heard and I'm going to use art, sports, entertainment as examples because people can quickly connect to them doesn't mean these people are important in our society but I can give you examples and people will automatically know you. And sports if a basketball player gets to the age of 35 what do they say? He is probably going to be washed up. He washed he got nothing left well in comparison to the 20 year olds that are coming in yeah but he's still a veteran he still might be able to offer something to some some teams and when putting teams together they will pay a veteran to come in to do what he needs a leadership he's a locker room leadership he's going to train the quarterback in waiting or any of these things because they use that leadership and experience to help the next group of people so he's still valuable but we cannot wait till LeBron James is washed up because he's 35 38 and guess what LeBron James is still going he figured out I'm not going to fall for this I'm going to get washed up is he going to run out of gas yeah he won't be able to continue this is bones are going to get a little bit more stronger meaning they can easily break easily risk of injury and so forth and so on yeah but we say these people are washed up you don't belong out there and we put them out the pastor and there's a lot of disrespect instead of saying this person has something valuable to offer let me give you another example if you listen to rock or rap music if you are a 35 year old rapper or more they'd be like look at this fool out here old ass rapper as if you can't put rhymes together at age 35 I don't know I didn't realize rhyming stopped at 35 or 40 but apparently it does because you're doing something that they attribute to young people you got nothing to offer you're an old ass washed up ass broke ass there was a guy actually that personality that called all these guys dusty are they all dusty and dirty and broke ass why can't they take those skills pass them on why can't they be executives why can't they mentor the young rappers nope they're washed up put them to the side this is what we do to men instead of using this as these men could be leaders and encourage us to maybe stop shooting each other over beefs but this is an idea of putting men out to their pasture now men are known to get a little bit more mature and sexier as they get older this is the anti-wall so much so that many of your sexiest men alive have been men over 40 because women do value this leadership instinctively they do find men that fill out a little bit of their bodies instead of being bird-chested young men you know they got abs they'd be on the internet they abs I'm like yeah but you skinny though like you can have abs when you skinny but it's harder to keep them abs when you don't fill out as a man and you're all burly but these are things that we actually look at women naturally going to seek out older men because they have stability they have the ability and have exhibited experiences of being child raisers and all of this stuff so people naturally seek that out but young men tend to try to test us and push us to the side this is because they don't expect or they don't value the responsibilities that men traditionally have upheld let's talk about this son, husband epidemic all the pictures messed up but you see this picture it should be fuzzy this is my censored picture here let's talk about these damn son husbands yo this is Kevin Durant this is a picture of him smooching his mother that's his mama now there are several pictures of this if you google this there are several pictures of them kissing just like this this is the one there's about 10 or 15 many men will win their championship and they will bring their wives they might be solo they don't really bring their mama up and do this type of behavior out in public but people found this endearing oh my god Kevin Durant and the mom did you see them they have a wonderful relationship this is a little past wonderful it's gonna be a little bit very more uncomfortable type relationship but many men do have this relationship in the community that when they don't have a father they have to have this type of relationship with the mother because they've gone through tough times they've overcome the odds I mean I don't know who his father is but obviously she hit the genetic lottery or he did enough for him to have a seven foot eight wingspan and have the athleticism of a five foot nine guy so she wins because she endured all of that enough for her to capitalize on his ability his natural ability God gifted ability and thus she can take credit for making him that now I want to watch this watch this if he became a criminal and thug whose fault is it daddy dad's fault I didn't have no daddy and all my homies got locked up or killed all that bullshit but because he was able to have God given ability because she she gave a man who had this genetic combination access to her then she can say I did it and he actually credits her as being the real MVP when he won the MVP award he cried you the real MVP a lot of men do that in the NFL because these people tend to come from fatherless homes if you look at it the son husband believes that the woman the mother can do no wrong she can do no wrong she's the queen even when she's doing wrong there's an example of Tupac who has a song called dear mama in which he says and I quote my mother was a crack fiend mama but now she is a black queen mama hold up let's go back wait a minute does he get a pass if he was a crack fiend would he get a pass he don't even get a pass for going to get a pack of new ports he don't even get a pass for going to pack a new port he gets to get all the damn it was your fault but the mother's a queen the husband believes that the mother is the queen no matter what she can do no wrong the other thing the son husband does he's afraid to confront women when they're wrong a lot of us do this as a natural sense of protection so you see a woman staggering and stumbling her way through an argument or a debate and I'm debating her and I'm giving her the business and I'm giving her the big boot and then I take my elbow pad off throw it into the audience bounce off the ropes and hit her with the rock bottom elbow drop you know who's going to save her a dude now he should save her if I'm harassing her slandering her and so forth there should be no need for me to just be talking reckless about her but if she did engage in some sort of debate or an argument there was a car accident she caused it so I believe and I get in and say what the hell's wrong with you here comes Mighty Mouse here I come to save the day and he will swoop in he will have seen the wrong done but he would say we need to take it easy on this one when they're wrong a son husband believes they've done no wrong they will not call their mothers out how many men in here have perfect parents not many I'm a parent and I'm far from perfect but how many men have perfect moms everybody oh my mom knowing she made some mistakes when the father makes mistakes we don't have any problems calling out that's what son husbands typically do another characteristic of the son the son husband is have you ever heard somebody talk about somebody's mama your mama so fat your mama hair so thin or your mama hair bald the natural response that people have trained people to do is go crazy like the Tasmanian devil I know you ain't talking about my mama I'll kill you if you talk reckless about my mama I know you ain't talking about my mama you brought your mama in there I brought what the hell is that it's just your mother now do we do this you know your daddy and you'll sit there and take it you'll be like yeah my daddy is a piece of shit okay you don't have the same come to the rescue since when people talk about dad but you will with mom you'll go to prison defending your mama when just somebody's just talking about her that might not even know her that's not a big deal okay that's what you believe you need to get off my mom I just got off yours should be the appropriate response and it's all here and then you might be a victim of some violence but the son husband goes above and beyond to defend the mother and we call these men peace sitting down men this is what I call these are peace sitting down men these men were taught in the absence of the father to peace sitting down as to not disrupt the slumber of the mother see by the time she fall asleep then young boy gets up he's 12 he can halfway hit the toilet with his piss when he pees it makes a lot of noise and the mother's like the hell is this shit we'll make all that noise pissing and so he'll go in there three in the morning pissing that toilet wake up the whole house because she lives in the one bedroom apartment with three kids and then she will say to him you know why don't you sit down and pee just you don't need to stand up it's not because maybe biologically it might be better to piss it down there's signs that might say that it's not because of that it's because it's disrupting her nah just peace sitting down and you'll be taught to piss sitting down and then you'll get back in bed with your mama and cuddle with her and co- co-sleep with her too we have that going on now many celebrities are saying I co-sleep with my nine year old son we'll get to the Oedipus complex later how that disrupts the natural maturity of the son and breaks the father and son bond immediately okay now we also call these men men who expose their tampon strings okay so these are men who expose their tampon strings to the world when they will die for their mama okay see I told my mother one time and I love her so she might be watching this why do you talk like that about me I love you mama I love you mama you can love your mom you don't you know but I told her once there's a time when the son has to lead the mother I don't follow I don't follow you anymore I'm a mature man I lead you now because she is now at the age where she needs leadership she doesn't have a husband I ain't gonna have to service that because she's gonna age she can no longer push through the corporate America and all of those dreams of America's old women particularly black women so I lead you now and I have to watch out for you I make sure that the Nigerian phone scam doesn't happen to you and the email scam and all of that shit I gotta make sure you don't lose all of your property doing some quick well get real quick scheme right I gotta make sure hey everything secure at your place as she ages even further than that I have to make sure she's seeing the doctor right I have to be there after she's available for surgery or making herself available I gotta do these things so therefore I have input in her life and what she's doing I lead her and I had a uncomfortable conversation about hey you did your best you may be the man I am you led me not why I lead you she accepted it but it was a hard conversation for her to accept and many men let their mama lead them when she can really offer you not very much as far as input as a man she's never been a man remember that your mother's never been a man she's never had the responsibility of a man I don't care what she did she could be the construction worker she's never done it but if she's still giving you guidance in life she might misguide you she's not gonna get the blame you are she's gonna be the son husband after a while okay I believe and this might be controversial I believe mothers do their best up to age 12 for a young man and after that that's it that's about it she can't do not much after that age 12 there were tribes in Africa that would rip the young boy from the mother that's it she got it from here while they were going from 0 to 12 they were out doing what they needed to do being creative providing so forth and so on but after age 12 that's it she can't do shit for you she might be able to love you and tell you to watch out for them 304s but that's it job's done thank you mom in many custody situations I'm like the son needs to be from up under that mom when they're in their teens they're gonna destroy that boy absolutely destroy him and I believe it to be true statistically it is true like the statistics show this sometimes if you're that father and she's fighting you which means your baby mother or your ex-wife and she's fighting you so much that it's gonna cost you some men just say I'm gonna wash my hands of this shit and they go get new ports some men fight and spend millions of dollars trying to conquer that there's a brother here believe his name is Jeffrey he's going through the custody battle with the transitioning child the mother's destroying that child he's spending millions of dollars to try to make sure that his relationship with his son is healthy when the son 16 to 40 16 to 50 that's what he's doing he's trying to protect that child but she's not allowing that because she's again using the child against the father to punish him and she's willing to destroy that child in the name of whatever agenda I don't care what you think about the process she's destroying the child to get back at the father and she's allowing that to happen let's talk about the mother and the child this is a young boy I once saw I was divorced when my son was five we split, separated my daughter six he was five and very contentious it's always and it's still contentious to this day her grandparents my children's grandparents on the mother's side we were at my daughter's tennis match by this time my son's 10, 11 he's growing up to be that man that needs to start to be a young man well the grandparent in an attempt to try to keep the son away from me during these things they do these microaggressions death by a thousand cuts they won't let the kid just roam and be free so my son's 10 damn near 11 the grandmother takes my son and puts the son on her lap that's her attempt to destroy him as a man I don't know, remember when you were 10 did you want to sit on your damn grandma's lap? you might be thinking as a parent well that ain't that bad go back to when you were 10 you were probably fifth grade did you want to be sitting on your grandmother's lap in public that's a masculation tactic that people use but it wasn't towards to emasculate him it was to punish me but she was willing to emasculate him by doing that so I said no I would be sitting on anybody's lap from this point forward and I got them from that situation they called the police on me because that was inciting that was some sort of violation of custody order and so forth and so on this is how women emotionally punish young men to get back at the father then later on when I say well fuck all this shit I don't want to know that would be the story he left see this is how men get out of these situations you don't fight hard enough we don't put up with all that microaggressions and then when they do a microaggression and I say well she had my son sitting on his grandmother's lap what's wrong with that we can't lead we need you to lead but not like that you see you get stuck in this paradox of emotional bullshit that we've allowed that's men we've allowed this stuff and so the mother will create this close bond with the child but the child won't be allowed to create this bond with the father this is called and Sigmund Freud, whether you like him or not called this a part of the Oedipus complex we're going to go through a couple of stages he has five stages we're not going to go through them specifically but we're going to highlight a portion of the Oedipus complex that you might need to be aware of I'm going to get there in a second ok so according to Freud a child must overcome conflict at each stage of his sexual development because that's what we're doing we're maturing sexually ok and this is for him to be able to develop healthy sexual desires and behaviors now this is actually true most of his context was related around sexuality people are uncomfortable about that because we live in a Puritan society where we actually believe that sex doesn't happen the stork delivers babies we kind of try to avoid the conversation of sexuality which actually stunts our growth but I get why people try to protect people but we go too far with it and Sigmund Freud was talking about these sexual relationships and desires as either healthy or unhealthy and I can pretty much attest that people have a lot of unhealthy sexual behaviors and that comes from lack of maturity and culture that's some single mom-son husband bullshit because much of the stuff that they display and prioritize is around sex that sex makes them the man many of these pimps wear flashy clothes like women they have hairstyles like women they value jewelry and shoes in bullshit like women and when I tell people this ooh people get mad at me because we uphold this individual in our society having some sort of success but he's actually in addition he's an extension of the mother son husband surrounded by aunts that like to get perms and he was a young boy watching this and them being happy about perming their hair and so his dumb ass gets in there and he perms this hair to fit in or he braids it in cornrows which in the 90s was a male's hairstyle in the 80s it was a girl's hairstyle but because men didn't have fathers and men didn't have fathers around their little sisters the aunts mama and grandmama braided the son's hair now I know there's cultures that have braids and all of that shit and long hair and short hair in that example that is an extension of an absent father okay now in the edifice complex it says right here when the edifice complex is not successfully resolved during the phallic stage an unhealthy fixation can develop and remain says right here this leads to boys becoming fixated on their mothers and then girls being fixated on the father says right here and this causes them to choose romantic partners that resemble the opposite sex parent as adults how many guys have said I want a woman just like my mother the fuck that's kind of weird you know what I mean because I never would look at my mother as a romantic partner now maybe you might be talking about everything else but if I choose a partner sexually I would have to actually go there with that partner and if she's like my mom we also do this with daughters as well okay she'll end up choosing a man just like her father right we kind of do that as well and that's what Sigmund Freud was talking about now here's where the problem leads here's where the problem leads so there's Newport dad trying to get in again dad trying to come back he's trying to come back all the time he comes back when I get drafted in the NBA and then he's like son a million dollar son but here we go now it says right here when the boy is between the age of 3 and 6 this is development but he becomes unconsciously sexually attracted to his mother I know that's uncomfortable but he was just breastfeeding on the woman so we have to understand that this actually happens and he may become hostile towards the father and looks at the father as a rival I'll give you an example because it sounds weird but if you've ever had children and a wife or a girlfriend and your children were around they were young 3 to 6 and you went to your wife and you gave her a kiss what would the kid typically do clap or try to break that shit up the kid would probably look that's my mom she's mine and he might break that up no you can't be kissing on that no no no I'll give you another example if you ask a young kid in this age who do they want to marry who are they going to say the son he'll say I want to marry mommy if it's a daughter I want to marry daddy why? that's their world that's all they can see when they go out in public everybody other than mom and dad is stranger danger they're almost invisible this is why kids will do dumb shit and run out in front of people they don't see nothing but mom and dad they don't know anything about sexual dynamics between two people they know nothing they just want to marry mom your son just want to marry his mama if you're in a custody battle in the child's between that age and you move out to another place and the son has to be dropped off for your custody exchange that kid might cry I miss my mama and then the mom is like see he don't even want to go over there this is because they have this fixation with the mom and vice versa the daughter with the dad and sometimes this is actually used to used against the dad he doesn't like to be around a dad he cries when he's with the dad here's the thing right here envy and jealousy are aimed at the father this is in reference to the son he may become jealous of the father and envious of the father he may want to break that up and the father is the object of the mother's affection and attention he should be we're kind of getting away from that as well but that's a whole other conversation so if the father has a good sexual or healthy relationship with the mother the son might hey what's going on here that's my woman I came from her I get fed through her and it's right here these feelings for the mother and rivalry towards the father it leads to fantasizing him getting rid of the father and then taking the place of the father you don't like your daddy do you he mean to you huh he spanks you he disciplines you yeah mommy we don't need his ass oh he don't like the father and then this can happen some people have this hyper experience some people have it micro but this is actually what happens in our culture now this is the important part this is the important part that many people miss unfortunately because many people do give divorce when these kids are five six seven eight and so forth right mostly before the teenage years because people know teenagers they go be like wait who what what give me the details what you do you cheated on mama all right mama you cheated with the milk man well who what and they're going to choose sides teenagers are aware and not only that they're going to expose the fracture relationship because they get like now it's time for me to do what the hell I want to do and they can disrupt that many times they can't be used emotionally against the other parent but kids can so many people see that as at this point very important to cope with this anxiety the anxiety of the father being a rival the son identifies with the father this is after age six he starts to closely identify with the father I want to go with daddy he going fishing I want to go with daddy he going play basketball I want to go with daddy and then what happens is this is right here this means the son adopts and internalizes the attitude characteristics and values that the father holds meaning related to personality gender roles masculine type dad behaviors and so forth have you ever noticed that around this age he wants to be around dad he wants to do what dad's doing he's impressed with the dad dad's doing all these fabulous and great things hey dad I want to try dad teach me how to do this dad what would you do in this situation okay dad might start coaching his football team his basketball team his hockey team little league whatever it is the son wants to be more around dad at this age group now think about this many young boys don't get this chance and what they'll do is they'll see the dad as rival he's jealous of the dad he don't like the dad he don't respect the dad I love my mama don't talk about my mama what happens is a lot of boys don't get this even in marriages the mother will disrupt this in bad marriages they'll disrupt this oh baby don't you want to co-sleep with me you're nine years old no no no and dad's trying to sleep in the same bedroom he got to go sleep in the same man cave these are examples okay so in the edifice complex the son starts to do what identify himself as the as the dad if you're a father the best thing you can do is understand this stop talking to your son he ain't listening but he's watching you he watching you and you don't even know it my son had a funny thing I took him to a hockey game I'm walking and he follows me and we get to the point where you know you're walking through a crowd so you're kind of walking in single file and he's talking about the way I walk dad I don't like the way you walk I was like how do I walk you walk all cool like you but he's watching me I can't see him watching me but he's noting the way I walk and he's processing this this is exposure to him he might not like it but he's mentally processing he's taking note sooner or later he'll be walking just like you you walk confidently you think you're cool why do you think you're cool oh you're a self-made man essentially that goes with it I walk like this because I'm confident I walk with my head up chest out, stomach in, shoulders back that's how you should walk, huh? don't walk we call them tippy toe men you see these boys out here looking like a damn I can fly, I can fly, I can fly that's because they walk like they mama or they have a non-confident father your son at this age might start liking the same sports team as you like my son likes the Raiders because I like the Raiders now the Raiders are struggling and his friends give him pure hell and my son wants to jump off the bandwagon he'd be like damn dad, what's wrong with us shit I don't know man he don't have the history of liking the Raiders like I like them but he rides with me when we're together I got season tickets he goes to the game, he be raided out, he cheer he's excited, we go to Oakland when they were in Oakland, I took him to Oakland when they go to play in LA, we go to see him play in LA we follow them around and he's riding, not when he get with his friends he probably be like man I really don't like him he'll start develop his own identity he's going into being a 16 year old boy now, he'll find his own team but at this age he starts to identify, we like the Niners yep, we like the Niners, we like the Niners we like the Buffalo Bills, we like the Buffalo Bills that's our team and this is the strength and the bond that is broken in our society right here we never get to get to this point and even if we do, it gets disrupted by all of this bullshit it says right here the father becomes a role model rather than a rival previously he was a rival now he's a role model he starts to model your behavior says right here through the identification through this identification with the aggressor, the previous aggressor boys acquire their super ego in their male sex role what does dad do I'm going to watch him and they're watching you bro your kids watch you they don't listen to a damn thing you say I always encourage fathers stop talking to your kids so long don't be going on now I'm guilty of this too your kid messes up sit down I'm going to tell you something about life when I was a young boy they ain't listening to nothing you said they're like I ain't about to listen to this shit repeat what I said tell me what I said at a certain age no long ass talks they're not needed now if he's in the trouble he wants to sit down and share remember when kids share with you don't make judgments don't insert anything listen because once you start doing that they're going to realize now they're going to stop sharing with you that's when you have trouble with teens when they stop sharing you want them to share some shit even if it's some shit you like you want them to share because at that point you can gather intel the information you can develop a plan in the background a little bit of guidance let them go then you call up the other parent and be like god damn son you know what your son do oh shit so this is an important thing and it says the boy then substitute the desire for his mother and the desire for other women now he can make a healthy what Freud was trying to get at I can make a healthy sexual relationship healthy relationships with the father healthy bond with the mother but unfortunately this is disrupted constantly by our society by the media by entertainment by how we judge men by how we tell men you ain't shit past 35 and 40 you're a loser midlife crisis you impact god pack of new ports custody battles divorce everything is disrupted with no plan for the child I want you to understand this this might be bad for you you might feel bad but your mother doesn't have a plan for you your mother has no plan for you as a man zero ask your mother what she plans for you she might say well I prayed to god that you have wisdom and knowledge and a plan well I hope that you graduated from high school and don't get shot by the police that ain't no plan my baby ain't ever hurt nobody my baby he was a good boy she has no plan I tell women this all the time you ain't got no plan you hope he becomes Kevin Durant and that way you can look like a queen have you understood this that loses her child it's something like a violent act a ghetto fight in situation there's several examples of this that Black Lives Matter has capitalized on and made 90 million dollars but if your son becomes a victim George Floyd, Michael Brown of the police brutality that happens in communities which is a direct line from the failure of the mother driving the father out most of these boys had no father present they weren't a couple they might have been around but they weren't a couple do you know that that is considered a sacrifice she sacrificed the child and I'm gonna tell you why because now she forever is the good mother she forever is the queen oh you were raising a good boy until these bad people did something for you and every time something happens they drag her ass out the media oh tell these mothers about the victim of the last person that did this oh baby I tell you I'm the queen and they come out and they treat her well forever she can make no mistakes because she's experienced this tragedy but it's essentially a sacrifice because if you go back through the whole damn lineage of that kid there ain't nothing but death and destruction waiting for that kid anyway attributed to the hands of the mother and the father in their relationship he ain't well ahead nowhere anyway I'm sorry to say that about people but that's the truth he wasn't going nowhere not all put up the picture of him graduating in all that bullshit but I also got pictures of his pants sagging and him tearing up the damn liquor store what that doesn't mean no there's a video of him tearing up the liquor store and you put up the picture of him graduating what are we going to do with this can we have a truthful conversation about this nope because it makes the mother look bad and it makes the father look like an asshole see he ain't had no daddy and if his daddy would have stuck around and dealt with all my bullshit he would have been a man and wouldn't got clapped by the police see this is all this bullshit this guy 50 cent we got about a minute or so left he's going through something 50 cent is a rapper several businesses and brands this is his older son his older son is now 25 years old but because he was going through a divorce or a breakup early in his life when he was a young young child the mother decided to keep the child close to 50 in this stage that we were talking about age 3 to 6 now after that she took him through several court cases tried to get more money from him she ended up getting less money because 50 cent played a good financial strategic plan against her and she was getting 25,000 a month in child support and it was put down to $6,000 roughly about $6,000 in child support so I don't know if you know $6,000 a month in child support is a good full time job she had not a lot of people make $6,000 a month but that's what she was taking home and it was for child support and of course when the kid turned 18 she didn't have no money left what a shock because she used that as her source of income which I instruct women that's not what you're supposed to do with child support you're supposed to pair that income used for the child with your income but they use it to budget so dumb move so now he's 25 years old and everything the mother has ever said about the father today I mean he's going now on a tirade about 50 cent and I'll pay him $6,000 a month to be a part of my life now well guess what the bond has been broken he can come into his life right now and ain't going to correct anything he sees the father as a rival he also sees he's envious of 50 cent he's envious he's jealous of 50 cent he's still stuck in that first stage that he was when three to six so he wants to be the dad but only out of spite he'll never be his dad because by the time the father was his age he was well on his way to be a millionaire he was starting the path of millionaire this kid ain't even starting it and he's blaming the world that $6,700 a month in child support wasn't enough we were broke we didn't have the life that he had who's fault is that yo mama yo mama period there he is he spelled out in dollar bills entitled because people are calling him spoiled and entitled but this is an example of the edifice complex not completing he sees the father as a rival and now he's doing what he's doing much damage to his attempting to do damage to the reputation of the father just as his mother had all those years and he's just an example of his mother because he identifies with the mom sad sad story here we're not gonna go through that because we ran out of time here today but if you wanna find me here you can find me on YouTube right here and that's the free agent lifestyle podcast on all podcast formats pretty much all of them that's my book free agent lifestyle and the evolution very much alright if you have any questions I'm sure we can take time for questions on this one and I think you can need to go to the mic if you have any questions on that one but um and feel free to challenge me on these things if you love yo mama you wanna get up here but cold what about mama than my mama is this you hate yo mama yo mama black anybody no alright thank you guys