 Hello and welcome to day 85 of the Mindfulness Challenge. My name is Julian Jenkins and today is Friday. Today is also a very special day because today is June the 12th. And June the 12th is the birthday of my father. And that's why I'm a little bit late putting it up because I've been to see my mother-in-law whose birthday it is today and she's 79. Happy birthday Chris. So what I want to talk about today is grief. When I lost my father in 2008, as I said it's his birthday today, he would have been 84. I struggled for long periods. I had anxiety, panic attacks, borderline depression, lost a bit of my mojo, started to question everything and didn't really understand what was going on. And grief is a very unique thing because I believe that there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. There's your way. And when people say, oh, you know, come on, you wouldn't want him to be like this. You know, it's been 12 months now. When are you going to snap out of it? All of those comments are very interesting. The reality of the situation is that it's your way of dealing with it. And grief really is your heart's way of responding to loss and the pain of that and the tragedy of it all. And by mourning loss, in many ways we slowly acknowledge, integrate and accept the truth that we've lost somebody. And sometimes the best way to do it is just grief. And it takes courage to grieve, to honour the pain that we carry and the tears of sadness and on times tears of joy. When my father passed away, one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life was to speak at his funeral. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it was now looking back one of the proudest moments of my life. And I can never imagine really how I got through it, but I did. So today what I want us to do is I want us to meditate and sit with grief. I've got my door open in my office today and it's just becoming dusk here. The weather's not great, you may, if you're very quietly, you'll hear the rain outside. But I'm going to put a picture up and we're going to do a meditation about grief. And I want you to just close your eyes and just focus on your breath, just check in with yourself. As I say, and it says, when after heavy rain the storm clouds disperse and it's not that they've wept themselves clear to the end and grief sometimes creates these storm clouds in our heart and we have to come face to face with genuine human vulnerability, helplessness and on times when somebody passes hopelessness. And I want to sit with grief as a friend. I want you to take time to create this atmosphere and energy of support. And just by sensing your breath, feel your breath in the area of your chest and this can help you become very present with the moment you're in. And take your hand as well and just hold it gently on your heart as if you're holding a vulnerable emotion, a vulnerable human being. And as you continue to breathe, bring to mind the loss or pain when you were grieving or are grieving and let the story and the images and the feelings come naturally. Hold them gently. Take your time. Let these feelings come layer by layer, a little at a time. But keep breathing softly, compassionately. Let whatever feelings there are, pain, tears, anger, love, fear, sorrow, let them come as they will. And just touch them gently. Let them unravel out of your body and your mind and make space for any images that arise. Allow the whole story. Breathe and hold it. Hold it, the story, the memories with tenderness and compassion. Kindness for it, kindness for you, and kindness for others. The grief we carry is part of the grief of the world. Hold it gently. Let it be honored. But you don't have to keep it anymore. You can let it go into the heart of compassion. You can weep, you can cry. And releasing the grief, we carry a long tear-filled process. We may cry for several moments. Yet it follows the natural intelligence of the body and the heart. Trust it. Trust the unfolding. Along with the meditation, some of your grief will want to be written, to be cried out, to be sung, to be danced. And let these timeless wisdoms and memories within you carry you through this grief, an awakened, a tender, open, loving, and compassionate heart. Just keep in mind that your grief doesn't just dissolve. Instead, it arises in waves, and gradually, with growing compassion, there comes more space around it. The heart opens, and in its own time, little by little, gaps of a new life breaks in, and the rain clouds clear. The body relaxes, and freer breaths appear. And this is a natural cycle that you can trust. How life and the heart renews itself, how it grows, like the spring after the winter, like the sun after the moon. It always does. And when your head is slowly wiggly, fingers come back into the room. It's grief's difficult, grief's hard. And I want you to just be kind with yourself. Hold it with loving kindness. You can hear the wind rattling the door. There's a storm brewing here. Today's a special day for me. And I hope you can share the energy of my grief and my love for my father as I share the grief and love for yours. God bless you, B-11, give love today. Good afternoon, Julian. I love you. Good night, Julian. I love you. Good morning, Julian. I love you. Good night, Dad. I love you.