 While some may dismiss your struggle as being too picky, there could be a deeper underlying psychological reason for your behavior. Intimacy takes many forms, so whether it's the ability to feel close to someone sexually, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, or even experientially, keep watching to learn the root cause of your struggles with intimacy. You've been betrayed before. Clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer, PhD, explains that any close relationship will bring to the surface past experiences with intimacy. This is especially true with your first experience with betrayal, which probably involved your family. If maybe your parents divorced or one of them abandoned the family, betrayal can also look like having a sick parent hospitalized for a long time, or the death of a parent when you were a child. Psychologist Leon Seltzer says that there are many different ways you could have experienced abandonment or betrayal growing up, which made you determined not to set yourself up to be discarded ever again. You have to be cautious. In the past, when you've let your guard down and let someone in, they've always ended up hurting you, proving precisely why you must have your guard up. But you also worry that you won't be worth the wait for the right person, that they won't be patient in waiting for you to slowly open up and leave you because of it. Relationship coach Julie Nguyen explains it's perfectly okay to take relationships slowly and not rush into intimacy. It becomes a problem if you want that intimacy but push it away. This fear may have been caused by past trauma or from being punished for showing vulnerability in past relationships or in childhood. So I want you to know that you're worth waiting for and that the right person will be patient with you. You have to take care of you. Life's taught you repeatedly that the only person you can count on is yourself. You take care of yourself. And that's worked out for you. Well, if you're being honest, it's only kind of worked. Of this. Deep down, you still want someone to take care of you too. Though not in a needy way because you would take care of them as well. It's essential to be honest with yourself about your needs. Because a psychotherapist, Imilo, says, If you construct a facade of pretending not to have any needs, eventually you start to believe you really don't need love. There's a difference between healthy independence and unhealthy independence. The difference being that mature independence doesn't deny your inevitable need to be connected with the rest of humanity. Sai gets that letting someone in can be terrifying. But you don't have to do it all alone nor should you. You can let someone in slowly. If they prove worthy of your trust, you have agency. And remember, you can always change your mind or say no if you need to. You get to decide who can take care of you. Because you deserve that. You're strong and we see that. You've been through a lot and it's understandable why you struggle with intimacy. You've been hurt and you needed to protect yourself. But you deserve intimacy and there's no rush. Until then, please know that support is available for mental health professionals if you're open to it. Did any of the signs feel familiar or relatable to you? They did to me. We know these topics can be sensitive so we want to create a safe space for you to share any questions, comments, or personal experiences you may have in the comments below. Thank you for watching so we can help as many people as possible. Please share, like, and subscribe to help this video reach those who need it. And remember, you matter.