 Boy, you better bring your ugly ass right here. Boy, you fucking jeans. They were just straight blues. But nigga, you put that on there. Ug-Lad nigga, you went and bought the paint for the Burbex shirt. Ug-Lad nigga. Yeah, let me get that brown and that yellow. I'm about to fuck these niggas up tonight. Nigga with a head-high like this. Yeah. Nigga, my big brother gave me these jeans. Lil D, stand up. My big brother gave me these jeans. Nigga, nigga, be a brother. Lil D. I could tell your big brother gave you them jeans, nigga. He passed them shits down like a motherfucker. Put them on, nigga. She got them kind of thighs from the civil rights. Look at her. She got a friend. Look, I hate black bitches. We know you know her. God, damn. I feel like you had a graduation. I'm so proud of you, fuck those folks. I'm going to buy you everything. Color greens and chicken wings. When you get food stamps, nigga, you know you're going to get it alive. Get it alive. When you get food stamps, you know, nigga, you're going to buy a whole life. Buy no life. High, high, high, high. Buy a whole life. Yeah, buy a whole life. What was your ass when I was buying food stamps? That shit crazy. You was in my ass? Hold on, nigga. You just made up a whole food stamp anthem. Yeah, nigga, right here is off the chains. Chico, this nigga really came up here and spit his rhyme anyway. Yep. This nigga sound like he got shit in his throat. Sit your old ass down for your fat ass choke. I mean, damn. Fuck wrong with you. Nigga look like you take care of pets at the zoo. You looking real crazy on stage with us. Talking about you want an old school round bus. But we do this shit off the top of the dome. I bet you brought old furniture at your home. Nigga there, look at your collar. The shit so loose, make a nigga want a holler. Yeah, don't get shot looking like you got the same shit trick that it got. Hunlays run look like snakeskin. Yeah. Y'all don't stop talking about how we bout. I still like your look pretty leave out. You trying to hang that bitch so it won't fall. You so crazy. I get you pregnant and by some of them pills that grow you inches. I don't see nothing wrong. But a little kangaroo pouch. I don't see nothing wrong. A little poppin' grind. Go ahead Chico. Oh. When she came inside the room. What she's doing? I looked and then I zoomed in on that stomach that was hiding her cooch. It was hiding her coochie. You on your period. Shit. That little screen was hanging out. I was like, yeah, damn. Hey, what's up, man? Mental health is a real issue which is not often discussed in our community. Post-traumatic stress, depression, all types of things could possibly be going on. You might want some insight that you can't get from your family and friends. I would like to introduce you to the professionals over at TalkSpace.com. Yes, TalkSpace.com is a virtual therapist that you can vent to about work, family, friends, relationships. You may just want to talk to somebody who's licensed in the medical field who can help guide you into some of these, you know, with some of these issues that you may or may not be having. So I would like to invite you to talk to the professionals at www.talkspace.com. Use my code, south, that is www.talkspace.com forward slash south. Using TalkSpace, you can connect with your therapist online, video chat, text, email. www.talkspace.com forward slash south. Use my code so you can receive $30 off your first month subscription. Yeah. Taking the town for real. I bet a whole lot of niggas in here still, still out of the store. Hold up. Check out if you lose your voice. This nigga better quit fucking with me. I'll call child support because I know he owe him. Look at this nigga. You know he owe him. He worked for him. Hey, yeah. He be in the computer like, yeah, delete, delete, delete. Come on, Charles. Put that deposit in. I see your profile. Hey, he be calling niggas, thread them. Look, you need to come see me. All right, you need to come see me. How you feel? Crazy part about it. He the head deacon at the church. Yeah. Play in the nap town, you'll be a goner. When we leave here, we gon' have mess, so D. Leoma, the roof ain't finished in this bitch. You already know they just put this shit in here so we can rock out. Carlos, how you feel? I said nigga, how you feel? Hey, let me tell you something, Chico. I see a lady that's pretty, and I think I found the lady over there with the big titties. Is she wearing a green dress with the big old breasts? Yes. Hell yeah. Make no titties, pal, be. Tell me, hey, make no titties, pal, be. Tell me, hey, make no titties, pal, be. Tell me, hey, make no titties, milk. The whole nigga like, hey, the nigga in the back like, I can't see. I bet it's gravy. They still got milk in them from the 1980s. I know what's going down. Let me suck one. I guarantee that the shit will be a lot of fun. Okay, Chico, your titties get big as you get older. I hear them from the back and make a thud over a shoulder. Ooh! That's a real player move there. Hey, D.C., how you talk to titties if you do that? Grab one like an old man money and take it with me. Grab the other like an old man money and take it with me. Grab one like an old man money and take it with me. Grab the other like an old man money and take it with me. Ooh! Hold up, your kids that came in, bitch, go sit down. When it comes to titties, I'm down for whatever. If they long and saggy, I push them shit together. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't like them little girls with machets. Bitches got to do this when they take selfies. Hey, small titties, you know what they do. We ain't tripping. We are sucking little titties too. Okay. No, I won't. No, I won't. Okay. No, I won't. Sometimes little titties are straight. I don't know if I'm sucking on the titties or licking her heartbeat. Oh, my God. I ain't licking no little titties out. I'm straight. That's my rule. When it comes to titties, just have two. Hey, hey, shit, that's my rule. When it comes to the titties, just have two. If you got one, nope, I fuck with it. I can't do shit because you stuck with it. Hey. Fuck that. It will fuck my mind up because I go and reach it. It's nothing behind her. Oh, yeah. Bitch, there's supposed to be something right there. Cut the beat, damn it. You up in here making extra noodles with the nigga. Shit. Who's saying it's sister? That's why they can't take us nowhere. We don't know how to act. I don't care. Exactly. That nigga behind her, that DJ nigga is an R&B singer, nigga. I don't give a fuck. He had dreams of being an after-seven nigga. I know it. That nigga used to stand in the house in the mirror by himself, nigga, and just make up songs about shitty scenes. Like what? I done put my shirt inside the dry twice, and it still won't shrink. I done put my shirt inside the dry twice, and it still won't shrink. I got a big ass shirt. Got a big ass shirt. I got a big ass shirt. XXXXXXX. I got a big ass shirt. XXXXXXXX. I got a big ass shirt Snick pocket bag and tie no, big and tall? Hey, make my shit extra long. Hey, I said I like it extra long, yeah. Long, yeah. I need some shirt I can wear everywhere. Hey. Let me- Oh, he got a car cover shirt on damn he can cover so bad Let me tell you about some other problems that he'd be facing he got that shirt out of the gas station Okay, no it back in 2005 We shopping at the gas station was live. He was like hey, you know, it's fitting to go down D4L got a show across town And I'm about to get real fly you already know my shirt got to go past my thigh I said lean with it rock with it lean with it rock with it I'm about a long shirt and then message starts with it Hey, hey, and it's coming up soon staying with his big sister paying for his own room 125 he paid every week can't have no company over can't have no freaks But that's okay this nigga grown and he got a curfew That's why he smoked weed outside play the game with his nephew. You know my shirt What you tell my shirt stay loose? Still write my name on the orange juice cuz I don't want my nephew drinking my shit Say I'm DJ trouble G but my shirt come all the way past my knee Going down in the nap town my shirt hang down. I said DJ trouble G Well, we know what you do. It's sort of fucking show up and water platinum fooboo Cuz I know you got one in the closet His home in a man he got the jacket like he is in the Wu-Tang clan Okay Would you know cash rules everything around me? Well, y'all Said I'm sure it's real long real long. I said dollar dollar bill y'all Say what I said a nigga shirt is real long. Okay, see They don't know about that code cuz they sure I Say hi, honey shirt DC I He go to sleep in his shirt Hey, he's gonna nap in his shirt Hey, they're gonna trap in his shirt Hey, you play a sack in his shirt Hey, you gotta wrap in his shirt. Oh, hey, he hiding snacks in his shirt. Okay Hey, you know it work in the shirt his shirt bring the hood bitches out bitch sit your head Do what sit your head? Ladies front fly on DZ oh Hey, she got a ladies front ladies. I can tell it tell it cuz her shape up look just like a helmet Okay, I'm like that Ladies front look like snake skin Yeah, y'all stop talking about how we bow. I still like your little pretty leave out You so crazy I get you pregnant and by some of them pills that grow you inches She probably got some fire She got the baby mama boots on Before she fuck the face She got them little chem boots on uh-huh before she fuck the face She got that's the boost your baby mama when you see all in the back Bitch done thought about some shit. She done left Yeah The nosebleed season she got on the boost that your baby mama well to let you know she don't need you no more When your baby mama moved on them the boost you have on Yeah You know what they do right it be some fire ass pussy That little pouch keep all the juice in it. Yeah Hey, that little pouch keep the pussy wet. You press the pouch three times Sound like you're trying to open up a bag of cereal As pussy under that pouch boy that we got to do a verse about that puts under the pouch Hey, hold up. Do you gotta lift it up? Oh, it's just there. Oh, do she will do it like a stomach hurts like bitch No stomach on her. She got that little pouch. You she can't even see the pussy. She got a look over the pouch Yeah, we be knowing shout out to all the ladies who got that C-section scar right across your Appendix remove, but you still got the pouch under the scar you the real trooper. Yeah, it's okay That pussy shout out to all the white ladies in here who got mixed kids and you don't know how to do they have so you just let Them do what the fuck they want to Wait your man and he left you Yeah, he ain't show up. He was scared to come in here all these people. She done bought both tickets She texted him the whole time take one. I'm waiting on you 10 messages on my side they won't let me in come get me Which one He can see You think that he can say he can say for real Yeah, I don't know. I think we won't see I know that nigga going 85 South Shore that they can say he needs to say he might be able to get some pussy Come on. No for real come here watch it Good drug dealer, but he a better singer bruh put the trap down and get to the Fucking shit, bro, you fucking will come in bro. Come on. Hang your phone to the nick that nigga who be doing belly rolls Let him let him hit a note right now. Look at the cuff on them motherfuckers guy Don't bitch it three times. God damn Cuff is loose on my boot I'll be cuffing on these hoes. They got them boot cut jeans on boot cut. I can't sit in that one spot Killing these bitches in my boot cut. Okay killing these bitches in my boot cut Hey, killing these bitches in my boot cut Cool. Killin these bitches in my boot cut Killing these bitches with the boot cut Jeans tucked up Fletcher know me nigga got me fucked up. Hey, you know the bottom of his jeans big and round Okay, when he cuff him they steal scrape the ground You know, it's going down with the boot cut boo. He got his homie ready to strip and fuck the club We in the nap towel nigga nap towel nigga. That's a chubby ass nigga Wait wait wait wait We want to hear this shit Motherfucker right here bring your old dusty ass here with your motherfucking crack You took real precious with them ugly Jeans They would just scrape blue but you put that on there ugly You went about the paint for the Burberry syrup ugly me. Yeah, let me get that brown and that yellow I'm about to fuck these niggas up tonight Nick with the hair how like it I Could tell your big brother gave you them jeans nigga. He passed them shit's down like a motherfucker put them on nigga He was begging for him to he was like take them shit. You can have them That'll be your new nickname jeans Big jeans. All right, Jean. I fuck with you. Big Jean nigga. Big Jean loop boo What happened Your boy says she can sign. Oh, you know, I love the sweet heart We got the trap Selena here, and then you can't sign baby. That's how I'm gonna let you know You can sign. That's why she now she walked out sad so she can do a little run We gonna we gonna hold up. Hold up. It's gonna sound like she's gonna drop intro. She go. What's your name? What's your name? Her name is shank ladies and gentlemen Hold up. Don't play no music. We want to hear this shit. Hold up. Hold up. Let me get you to introduce. I won't complain Hold up dc dc. She's gonna say the guys was on black business. No. Oh, I won't complain Let me tell you I know this song DC. Let me give her introduction. Hold up. Here you go Ladies and gentlemen Is on the sparrow this nigga retarded. I won't complain That's dc young fly right there We appreciate you all for coming out We appreciate you call coming out to raise boom boom room tonight in the night You know, it took us a lot to get this together But we like to give people opportunities here at the 85 south show. So I have my girl chantel right here Chantel right here. Damn y'all some haters y'all showing some love a little bit She could be the future She could be the next car Hold up dc dc dc. Hold up. We don't see her for real because I can sing Walk over there. Walk over there so you can get some spotlight walk over in the spotlight. Give me some y'all showing some love Black people like to clap after dc keep doing me like go ahead baby. Go ahead, baby Now dc don't interrupt. You need to tell them don't interrupt. No, you don't interrupt Take your time. You know she can't say they talk about take your time. We ain't got all day I won't complain I will see what deal let her go Get believe in the crowd fly. There you go. Go ahead, baby. It's on you. I'm ready Hold up this african-american idol right now I won't complain Stop complaining. Go ahead, baby. Okay Can black people tell you immediately if they don't like that shit White people welcome to this how black churches go. You feel what I'm saying? Go ahead, baby. Okay, go Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait This is like a polo. They give her a tan. They can't wait to do it No, because dc out the bullshit Rude Wait, wait, y'all get it No, I don't really sing dc. You don't really have to do it All right, do it, baby. Do it. I'm about to sing dc and don't say shit I'm gonna look at the crowd. Yeah, look at the crowd because I'm about to act a damn fool. I believe You don't get the fuck on me Did I tell y'all? Hell no That's that drunk auntie at the funeral with you What the fuck just happened? Oh, hell no. I won't complain Dc Listen He's on He's on the spiral road Every cat that's around this motherfucker that's strange has got scared as- Oh, what the fuck, man? Boy Jesus And you went straight for the R.P. You ain't built it up She came straight out In that town, y'all play too goddamn much First of all, I just want to know what song started off like that What song? Involved Involved? Yeah I Hold on, wait a minute Wait a minute What part she was trying to sing? The beginning The beginning What? The beginning, nigga Oh, hell no No, fuck that That bitch sound like she was going 90 mile per hour and hit the brakes My little fuck done ran into the building We gotta find us somebody else to fix this shit Yeah, exactly Nobody We got nobody in this bitch Hold up, we got somebody back there Come on, come on back here Chico, go back there Go back there, Chico I'ma sing on the way to you Oh, my goodness We got somebody in the nap town Let's say they fit to get down Hey Oh, what's up, light-skinned guy Ooh, damn What's up, what's up, light-skinned baby All that singing in the shower, shit Gonna get your ass fucked up Hey, bruh Hey Bruh, even if she don't sing I know, she so nice She look like Gina from Martin back this month Chico Hutt that so goddamn pretty Hutt that look like a Hawaiian sweet roll, my nigga You can sing, hold up, hold up That girl pretty, same truly cornbread Don't be nervous Hold up, Ashley, hold up You don't gotta sing a lot Just give us a little bit Just give us a little bit Just give us a little bit We need like four balls We'll need no Come on, baby Yeah, walk her to the walker Walk her up there Fellas, you should be clever She got them yams, I'm telling you She got them kind of thighs from the civil rights Look at her, she got a friend Look, I hate black bitches We know you know her, god, damn Like you had a graduation I'm so proud of you, bitch Oh, you fucking folks You know, she like dick Her heels was clear She got them clear heels up on She like that Hey, this the only way to This how you walk behind her ass like that I feel like this the wrong part of the church right here I feel like we need more of her to go on that side Cause more folks will make me too successful Okay All right, we just I won't complain You better not All right, we got This is round two of African American Idol All right But I'm gonna go here with my niggas, man We got Ashley Just give us a little something, Ashley Okay She talking about what about me You lost me Yeah, you can see Fuck, you talking about you lost You out of the competition You sing like you still got dick in your throat, ma'am You can't She gonna stop that shit right now Go ahead Just give us a little something, baby She got a hold on to her friend She ain't gonna help your ass Girl, you don't sing Sing some force, baby Stop talking, baby There we go Yeah, R.I.P. too They're a group She need to sign That's real, R.I.P. to that problem She need to sign Go ahead, baby Get y'all family handshakes You know niggas can't do shit They always find out Big sign Go ahead, baby All right Quiet on the set All right Quiet on the set She not mad by three songs That you church, you know And sometimes I feel What you gonna do to it Like You could say, we ain't say You knew how to sign Who said you could get that You on your period Shit That little scream was hanging out I was like, yeah, damn First of all I don't wear tampons That little scream came out All right, boy Kick me out of this bitch I don't even wear tampons Yo, wear tampons Kick me out I can't take this I don't wear tampons That's, that's not safe Coochie, Coochie ain't safe When you wear tampons She wear the pants Got to walk around with the pamper That big out on stockings She got on that period Pamper That big out on some stockings She got that period Pamper She got on stockings That period Pamper Got that period She got on stockings I don't fuck with no stockings Bitch Sit your ass down That mean your ass is too old For me Pinch him again, DC That big out stockings Same color as a link She got stockings Stockings A stockings Stockings Let me get some cream stockings Stockings I didn't know they still made stockings Hey, man That been had to put on extra skin Coming up here, man Thank you for letting our friends sexually harass you That been had to put on some extra skin Hey, DC Hey, DC DC DC, that's getting loose She take them stockings off, boy Them lids gonna go like this A blooper do Do, do, do Blooper, blooper, blooper Blooper, them lids gonna come like DC Like a go-go bag Hey, you left that dress up Thank you, motherfucker You like, hey, bitch, what the fuck Bitch, you got a The hand that's blocking me Y'all niggas be looking at all that I don't be doing them But same as Grace Hey, you sexy with that skin though I still fuck shit out of you I'll poke a hole in them, motherfucker But I'm about to get some pussy I'll be walking around naked Just saying grace Thank you, Lord For this blessing I'm about to receive You know not what I want But what I need Yep Hey, you ever been walking around your girl How naked her kids in there? Come on, we had to run Got down to the bathroom I don't get You know what I gotta stop doing, man? I don't even get butt-naked no more I gotta stop eating, bitches Kids, snacks, man I am famous for that shit I will fuck your son, Lunchable, up, man Y'all got them good-ass Lunchables My mom ain't never buy me them shits I be like, oh, he got the piece of one This nigga gonna be lunch-less tomorrow I'll take the whole box of Capri Sun I don't give a fuck Nigga, quit Like a can of goddamn bill I just load that motherfucker right on up in the car Fuck you, bitch And he still is Let me slide no more fucking thing And I will still your son I ain't never felt handsome Until a girl texted me one time She said, I got my stamps Come over here and eat I was like, oh, handsome man, nigga Hey, time out, anybody? You know one of them chosen few Yeah, it's that Anybody in here still get food stamps? Boy, that little card Oh, my God I wish I still got food stamps I wish I still got them, too, nigga I used to be sending my motherfuckers 60 on the dollar, nigga Nigga, what? You want to a 80? I need 60 Oh You want a hollow? I need 80 You taxing You taxing You fucking right, nigga, that's money Nigga, that's money, nigga Like what? Interest Fuck you talking about Nigga, I ain't never sell mine Once you fact in the cost of inflation You can't really get But like 45 dollars for a hundred dollars worth of food I don't give a fuck Don't buy nothing from me, then You just get $20 extra, fuck it with me Man, I never sold mine I used to be in the motherfucking grocery store With the stand of live music walking When I play Now you got the card You can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a food stamps And I'ma buy it all Steak and chicken, big ass bread You already know I'ma lose my head I got all the shit in my cart I don't know even where to start I'm gonna buy everything Color greens and chicken wings When you get food stamps, nigga You know you're gonna get it a lot Get it a lot When you get food stamps, you know, nigga You gonna buy a whole lot What? Buy a whole lot What? High, high, high, high Buy a whole lot Yeah, buy a whole lot But what was yo ass when I was buying food stamps? That shit crazy Yous the mind? Hold up, nigga, wait, wait You just made up a whole food stamp anthem Yeah, but that's it That shit was horrible That's what everyone You walk in the motherfucking store Using your food stamps That's what you hear Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah But did you lie on your application to get him? Hell, nah, yeah, yeah, I did. Yeah, you most definitely did. Yeah, I definitely did. You can't tell the truth, nigga. They feel like you rich. They were like, how much money you make, nigga? Money. Money. Nothing. Never made money in my life. I told him, fuck, I was homeless. You know where he had the nerve to ask me? What? Where you stay? I ain't nigga, I'm homeless. You know what I would ask you? That's a trick question. I'm like, nigga, you're homeless. Where you gonna put all this food, nigga? Fuck right with you. You got to have a mailing address, though. You got to have somewhere to stay. Black people, y'all stay woke. These goddamn schools that try to make it seem like you broke his head. Like I had to sign up. Like, I don't know how the fuck they do this shit. I had to sign up my son for this program for him to catch the bus to the house. Because they got this shit where they try to drop all the kids off in Georgia. They try to drop all the kids off and, you know, like some grown-ups be right there. So I was like, shit, I don't want to keep going all the way to the fuck down. I want them to get dropped off at the house. I had to go in there and fill out this paper. This motherfucker is going to ask us, where do y'all sleep? What? I didn't know how to answer the question. I was like, in the bed. But then I was like, yeah, in the bed. And he was like, well, where in our house, motherfucker? What is wrong with you? What time is it, man? I don't know. It's time to get high. I'll tell you that. Yeah, yeah. Can we smoke in the church? Because God wants you to be sitting next to him. Talk to him, brother. Yes, amen. Talk to him, brother. We're about to pass a collection. Play it around. I need a three. Five from everyone. Is it about that time? Eight ball. Is it about that time? White woman. Eight ball. White woman. He said he wants us to do family reunion. Who wants to do family reunion? This nigga. Y'all want to play family reunion? This nigga wants us to play all the old games. Bro, you bull shit. Play Connect 4. Play Twister. Hold up. This nigga here. Play Hide and Seek. Dude, the nigga with the spotlight got enough range to go. Can he get everybody with the spotlight? Can he get all the way around the room? The spotlight's smoking, nigga. I know. We got to hurry up before that bitch blow up. I don't tell you. That goddamn spotlight smells like somebody getting a perm back there. My boy ain't here dressing like he... Oh, this the nigga with the tie? You were talking about... Yeah, that nigga tie losing hair around the neck. I don't tell you. Big shirt havin' a... You know you should pull the fit, ugly ass kid. Yeah, that nigga stressed out. That nigga losing weight in the goddamn throat area. Shit. We gonna... He gonna kick it off with this nigga. The nigga naked skinny hair. Boy, he don't know what he got. The nigga throat just disappeared. Hey, you said that nigga losing... The nigga using neck weight, ugly ass kid. The nigga losing neck meat. Damn. Stand up, loose tie. Stand up. Oh, I wasn't even looking at him. I was looking at the nigga by eye. Don't fix it. Leave it loose. Turn around so the spotlight can burn your ass. Turn around. And then you got them old full headphones and shit. Hold up. Wait a minute. Oh, moment. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. All right. How'd I go? At the family reunion. Who we introducing. Who we introducing. This is my cousin Keith. And after this he might need a ride. And I know you might be surprise as he dressed like he managed your enterprise. At the family reunion. Yeah. Sit down, nigga. I ain't got no sports cars. Look like it. Look like it. I came up with my sister that uh, I can't find my doosie. Oh, I found my nigga. Oh, you got it. Hold up. At the family reunion, who we at your doosie? Find him, DC. Who we at your doosie? At the family reunion, who we at your doosie? Who we at your doosie? This my cousin James and his home boy, Pete. Before I did comedy, they used to buy all the crack from me. At the family reunion, who we at your doosie? Who we at your doosie? This my cousin Southside, and you know that he don't care. He selling dope all over Naptown, and this fur came off a bell. At the family reunion, who we at your doosie? Get your ass up, cuz. Get up, cuz. Look, this my cousin Charles, and I swear this shit is sad. I hate his shirt so much, because he want to go to Hawaii bad. At the family reunion, who we at your doosie? He bought that shirt offline. Who we at your doosie? This my cousin James. Did you just do this? And he swear he is a star. Did you just do this? And he went to Jella 96 for stealing his grandma's VCR at the family reunion. Hey, who we at? What the fuck is this shit, nigga? I think he said, hey, come here. Nigga. Nigga told me to come here like this. Like, nigga, I don't care. There's no grown man that come here with no fighting. There's some dope boy shit. Nigga, I put that Pyrex on the set. Nigga, that man, I'ma shoot you where I'm from. Nigga. Nigga to rock some up, and then look, all these niggas in Naptown know what they look like. That nigga said, come here with more. This a job right here. I think he said, come here. Nigga, nigga. One grown man that come here with no finger. Like, I owe you money. Nigga, I've been waiting for you. Come here. That's how that nigga, this gray strip, won't tell the girl he could bring on stage. Bro, watch that. That nigga right here. You got a job. You got a job after this, don't you? Where's Crips? Did I ever tell you the story about how I broke my wing? Man, I done been doing it all on the scene, though. We done had all the snacks you could believe. We done had snacks before. You ain't never had some of these snacks we had. We used to have snacks. I love the snacks because they look like little bitty pussies. You used to get you a snack and you lick on a snack all the goddamn day. Man, I've been wanting something. Everybody had a snack. We just walking around with a snack in our pocket. Pull that snack out, get the licking. Boy, I tell you, that was some good shit right there. You see, y'all ain't got y'all got little Cheerios and shit. That ain't shit. Man, I ever told you the story about how I lost my wing. I done did all the road sprays. They used to have black flag. Used to have a straw. We used to snort it. Niggas used to inject red when it first came out. Niggas got immune. Now we done moved on. They got some new shit. The Orkin Man. He come through. He got that shit. That shit that put you on your ass. I thought I died. I was just still for two weeks. All my feeling came back. My antenna kicked back in. I'm right back out here. I'm telling you. That spider spray, oh, that's something special right there. Made me spin the web. I didn't know what was coming out of my ass. I did some of that spider spray here. Me making webs. I said, well, you know what? I guess I'm a spider man. I started saving people. All type of shit. I swung off the refrigerator one time. Save the bitch. She was on the outer stove. It was getting cut off. Swooped in. Save the bitch. That's how I fucked up my wing. Look here. I didn't tell you how I lost my wing. You know, we used to fuck on Roach's raw dog. I ain't playin'. Shit. You know me. I took a little piece of one of them little pills. Shit. I got in that pussy bitch like to jump out the room. Both my antenna stood up. That's how I broke my wing. What's Clips? We'll see y'all next time. Peace. Not the nigga with the shirt. Bruh, they got another one. Who the DJ? The nigga with the shirt? Bruh, they got another one of these with nothing in it. We going in that bitch to act a fool. No, look. This is why we can't smoke weed. Because a black lady on this shit and irritates some shit. They be on her ass. She can't do it. She can't do it. She can't do it. She can't do it. She can't do it. She can't do it. She can't do it. She can't do it. She can't do it. She can't do it. She can't do it. It's on shit. They be on her ass. She can't do nothing. This is a church. We going to walk in the car. We going to walk in the car. Yeah. Shut up. Shout out to all the police officers here who ain't going to do shit. They just needed that overtime. We fucking with y'all. Thank y'all. I asked the police for some help. I know. I'm all over. It's some nigga's right here. Still clocked in at work and ain't clocked out. I ain't gonna do shit tonight. I'm gonna be singing that shit all night. Sing it one more time. Ah! You want to sing it one more time? You want to redeem yourself? No, hell no. Don't let her come back up. Stop bullshitting all the time, bro. I want her to get a new song, man. So shit, well, she got to start off from the bottom and rise. Bruh. As soon as she starts, she went straight to the top. You bullshitting. Show her how to do this shit, bro. She got to start from the bottom. Show her how to do it. Hit one for the ladies one time, bro. Hit one for the ladies. Just one time. I'm gonna back you up, DC. I'm gonna back you up, whatever you want to do. I'm gonna back you up. And I'm gonna stand here and just get the kick. All right, man. You ready? Look, this is, no, you get the fuck out of that group. Ain't nobody coming to see you on this. No. Back up, baby. Nope. Hey, look, she got one of them pouches. She got one of them pouches, nigga. She got that pussy up under there. She tried to have it with the little purse. You don't move it. Let her see that. You can see it, nigga. See the, you can see it. Hell yeah. You tell her she got one of her pouches, nigga. Which one? It clapped. It clapped. It's a change pouch. I can't. I'm scared. You so loud. Are you scared of me? Oh, my God. She gonna scare, nigga, not want to fuck. Let me put that pussy on you. Oh, I'm screwed. Because I know we gonna get home, and she gonna take that guy down. We ain't gonna be like, so you still want the pussy or not? Oh, man. I'm gonna be like, or not. Group, get out of that group. No, we don't want you to know more. We were good. We moved on. We moved on to bigger. Go ahead, baby. I'm just watching. What you gonna sign? Leave. We good. No, you not going to sign. We know how to deal with drunk bitches. Trust me. You not going to sign. All you got to do is give her alcohol. Bro, hit that shit one more time. Let me get the phone. OK, you ready? Yeah. Show them how to do it while you playing. My mind's telling me, no. I don't see nothing wrong. Kangaroo pouch. I don't see nothing wrong. I don't remix this. Go ahead, Chico. Oh. When she came inside the room. What she's doing. I looked and then I zoomed in on that stomach that was hiding her cooch. It was hiding her coochie. And then she took her panties off. Her pussy was so soft. It hurt down to hit from the side. What you telling me? Said I need someone, someone with a pouch like you. That shit, I don't know the words to. Hey, we just be up here talking about shit. We love to all the ladies. All the ladies in the building. Where you get your shirt from? We live in an era where all the ladies is faking shit. Just know that you good enough already. Right now. Women, y'all are beautiful. Right now, tonight. You're beautiful. If you ain't got no ass, no titties, bitch, you're still beautiful, right? But see, I feel like everything you lacking, God gave you something else in place of. You ain't got no big old titties, no big old ass. But guess what? Can't no bitch count money faster than you. Yeah. You might have bad skin. But guess what? That bitch a good driver, though. That bitch reliable. Edge is gone, but you can fight. Who else going to help us drive to Arkansas? Hey, this shit's been up all money. Hell, yeah. Yeah, I told y'all stop sitting on this shit. That shit up by the break. Shout out to all the black men who still shaving their face with a razor, fucking idiots. You hate life. Nigga, your face is going to be. Got stupid bumps on your face. Yeah, your shit bumping before you even finish shaving. Stop bumping. Why don't we eat it? I'm not ready to smoke. I ain't lying. Yeah. All right, I'm not ready to smoke. Get some head. What's happening? Before we leave, though, I want some real shit. We've got to say thank y'all for coming out and supporting this event. Most definitely. Coming out and supporting us. We fought with y'all. We fought with y'all. We comedians, we could have easily just came in this bitch and just stood on stage by ourselves and tell jokes. But that's what the 85 South Shore is all about. Doing crowd participation? OG, you about to go OG. And nigga, knees bad. Do the motherfuckers. You gone. Nigga, blood pressure. And nigga got a pussy with goddamn oil on his knees. The motherfucker ain't moving. Two hours. Nigga, come on, bitch. He's still on house arrest. He got to get home. Who? They here. Who, me? You don't know? I'm Carlos Miller. Uh-oh. Tell her who the fuck you is. Man, hey, my name, my name, Carlos Miller. I'm from Oxford. I'm from Oxford, Mississippi. I don't do shit, but talk shit and have a big dick and I brought it with me. Yeah. Man, that nigga had a scrote two times. Yeah. That nigga had a scrote twice. I know what going on. That nigga said, Carlos Miller want this shit? Hey, man. I know that nigga had a scrote. That nigga on curve. This nigga right here is off the chains. Here you go. This nigga really came up here and spit his rhyme anyway. Yeah. This nigga sound like he got shit in his throat. Sit your old ass down for your fat ass choke. I mean, damn. Fuck wrong with you. Nigga look like you take care of pets at the zoo. You looking real crazy on stage with us. Talking about you want an old school rhyme bust. What? But we do this shit off the top of the dome. Yeah. I bet you brought old furniture at your home. Yeah. Nigga there. Look at your collar. The shit so loose, make a nigga want a holla. Hey. Yeah. Don't get shot looking like you got the same shit trick that it got. Nigga fuck wrong with you. Let me in one time so I can kick me a old school rhyme. I'm the type of nigga that's the problem solved. This is the type of nigga that be hanging with your father outside in the yard drinking beers. Talking about it used to be the shit a lot of years ago. Oh, go. Yeah. Little shirts. Sit your way down before we make this shit hurt. Yeah, make this shit hurt. You know what it is. You and DJ need to switch shirts. Look at nigga went back and nigga walked like that. Look at them boots. They from the 1920s. I know you ain't got no money. Yeah, no it's stunk. Got them true religion jeans out of African Trump. Sit your ass down. I know you bullshitting. Yeah. Chico, you ever seen Glory? Yeah, Glory. That's the boots Denzel Washington ran away to get it. He went to get some boots, son. That them I am legend boots. No, you know what them is? What? Them them that's them goddamn Tuskegee airman's nigga. That nigga got on them goddamn Tuskegee airman boots. That them Boy Scout boots. Get your red tailed boots having that ass the fuck out of you. That's the boots that you wear to correct your knees. That nigga got on. That's them hard bottom boots, nigga, like he was learning how to walk again. I told you the nigga done had a screw twice. That's the boots they give you after you got shat and you start walking again. Chico, them the boots that you wear when you had to wear them braces on your legs. They got them forest gump boots on. Run, nigga. Run forest. Run forest. Run. This is too much. Y'all not going to talk about the old nigga like that because if it went for niggas like him, it wouldn't be no niggas like us. You're right. We need niggas like that. We need niggas like that to put oil in our cup. To fuck all our munties and shit and run off and leave us and to be, you know. To figure it out on our own. To figure it out on our own. Most definitely. Shout out to all the old niggas who didn't raise their kids and now we doing better than you. Motherfucker. Niggas want a relationship. Bad as fuck, son. No, niggas. No. Like he said, no. Niggas get mad at you. You want to do your father like this? You see me out here hurting. Fuck you, nigga. Stay hurt. My niggas who don't know they're dead is don't let them trick you. They're going to show up and claim all the good shit about you. You know that whole comedy shit. I was big on entertainment back in the day. I was a singer. No, you weren't part of that line. No. We're not at the party yet. It's across the hall. What you said at the party? Across the hall? Yep. I guess. Hey, tell them. They ain't coming to the at the party. They in love right there, boy. Do they got to repay? Boy, I'm fitting the fuck the shit out you. Do they got to repay to go to the at the party? No, I hope they don't make you out to repay. If you got good tickets. What the fuck are good tickets? And they going to be on the stage. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. They going to be like, no, I'm straight, bro. You know what that nigga stripped to? That nigga going to come out the goddamn motherfucker. Remember that Rome? That's what that nigga going to strip to. Every time I see your face, it makes me wanna sing. And every time I think about your love, it drives me crazy. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't tell me what's wrong. And they going to be like, with your boyfriend. Oh, come on. He holds the key to your heart, baby. That nigga right there can't wait. That nigga right there going to strip to all the old goddamn. Say, I'm never keeping secrets, girl. I'm never telling lies. I want to make it up to you. Oh, shit, man, bro, we got to get the fuck out of here. We do, man. Hey, but before we go, do us a favor. If you don't know what the 85 South show is, go check us out on YouTube, man. Y'all check us out. Man, we got to get a video with the Naptown. Hold up, hold up, hold up. We got to get a video with this shit. I got to get my phone. Ladies, if you, if you just want to live life, you want to get that pussy up, fuck with your boy. Yeah, man. If you just want to be like, I ain't never fucked no flaming niggas. Hey, fuck with your boy. I'm toe-tied a pussy. I just want somebody I could just sit up and talk to tonight about aliens. Just live life, man. Let's just talk about aliens, conspiracy theories. Just live life, man. Like, I need a lady I can get deep with. Like, how the fuck they be finding dinosaurs that's 6 million years old? But Jesus was only here 2,017 years ago. We need to do some math. Where the fuck did we really come from? Let's talk about that. No, I'm just going to shit. What we doing? Nigga, we don't have no fans. You better stop playing. I'll stand up real quick. Stand up real quick. We're going to do the video. Shout out, and we going to get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Everybody, everybody stand up. I'm just saying, I would dance here about that fucking shit. Me too. I definitely want to. That shit come with benefits, ladies. Like traveling, getting the fuck out of nap time, you know? Shit like that. You better fuck with him. I don't pay no bill though. All we going to do is read the Old Testament. I can send you to an African that are fucked with you. I suck a tiddy or two, but that's about as far as I'm going. Shit, not me. I took my dick off the market. Can't even have it no more. I ain't not here getting away dick. It's about to be 2018. Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. How are we going to do this shit? Hold up, we're going to do this shit like this. Hold up, so when I ask the nap time, did y'all have a good ass time? Y'all just make some noise in this motherfucker, right? All right. Uh-oh, what you going to say, chief? Hold up, there we go. Take that goddamn spotlight off, nigga. We don't put the fucking lights on, nigga. There we go. Cut the spotlight off, cut the spotlight off, nigga. All right, damn, all right. So here we go. Hey, hey, stand in front of the spotlight. Somebody block that spotlight, please. I'm telling you, man. There you go. Appreciate you, nigga. Appreciate you, big dog. So here we go, man. We in the motherfucking nap town. I got Carlos Miller right here. I got DC on fly. Hey, nap town, y'all fuck with us, man. Y'all fuck with us, man. Make some noise. This nigga crazy, man. Fuck you, man. Chill with it. I'm just going to repost Chico video. Yeah, I'm going to do that shit, too. Get your rough ass voice out of it. That nigga having to scroll right now. Sound like you ate a sandwich with some nails on it. That nigga having to scroll right now. And we going to the after party right over here. Oh, yeah, we never going to go to the after party. We got some 85 self-show merch for sale. Make sure you holler at us. Support some of the vendors out in the hallway. Shout out to Ike. Shout out to everybody involved. Shout out to Joe Chad. J-O-M, my man Craig, DC on fly, Chico Bean. Y'all add us on social media, all that. OK, y'all, the after party is $5 if you don't have your VIP ticket. $5 if you don't have your VIP ticket. And greet right out front. Y'all give it going for all the comedians you seen tonight thus far. Give it up for them. Freshman in here makes the noise. Y'all in here. Y'all in here. First homecoming. Sophomores, where you at? You know what's about to happen. The turn up about to happen. Juniors in here makes the noise. Nigga, what do you have on? This nigga got on a snuggie. The nigga got on his mama house call. Come on, baby. Just come sit down. This nigga here. What are the Greeks sitting here? AK's makes the noise. Where y'all at? One more time. AK's where you at? See, it's moving around. It's moving. Delta's where you at? Delta's where you at? She's still holding. I know you just got the sign up. She's just like, I'm in here. I ain't got enough breath to do all that open right now. I've been working all week. Let me see. Let me see. Zetas, we got some Zetas in here. Gone girl with the baby. Gone girl. You still rampant. Let me see who in. Where the cues at? We got some cues in here. He been hanging around the old cues. He still got his shit up. He just, you know what it is. Cues let you know right when you get to the school, especially they let you know what they're about. They let me know my freshman year. I ain't know who they was when I got this. Nigga just hopped in with the shirt off smelling like outside. Niggas have barber cues, no utensils. They out there turning the meat over with their hand and shit. They be a nigga crazy. They got little steps and shit that you know what they about. They come right out first day of school. We going to take yo bitch. All right, all right, we going to fuck. Yo bitch, whoa. I just got here. I just got, I just got here. Uh-oh, uh-oh, oh my bad. My bad. Oh, OK. My bad. That was one. She came, she moved quick. I ain't know what was happening. I was like, oh it's the cues about to start stepping. I don't know. Ain't got a lot of time. Let me see who in here, who in a relationship makes a noise? Let me see that one more time. Who in a relationship makes a noise? If you sitting with the person you in a relationship makes a noise, number got smaller. Number got smaller. 2017 could be your year. You can get you a man, you can get you a woman. This could be your year. Couple things you got to do. Start with these ladies. Ladies we love you. This could be your year. Couple things brothers been asking for. We ain't even mad that you can't cook this year. We ain't even mad about that. Simply asking, just know how to make our plate. Know how to make that plate. Don't you like, you like chicken, you like chicken, right? Don't you like macaroni, you like macaroni? Hey, don't you like greens? Love greens. I don't like everything on my plate that tastes like greens. Stop being lazy. Take time, scoop that greens you saw. Stop letting it touch everything you're going to play. Then you want to ask me how stuff tastes, how the macaroni tastes. Tastes like greens to me, baby. That's what it tastes like. I like devil eggs. Don't you like devil eggs? Love devil eggs. Eat two or three of them right away. I broke up with this one girl. She going to put my devil eggs on my plate and put it in the microwave on three minutes. Yeah. I throw the devil egg in my mouth. I'm going to burn the whole top of my mouth out. I'm chewing mouth skin. Crazy. Couple things we asked you to do. Fellas, one thing going to help you keep a woman. It ain't money. It ain't good grades. Got to know how to go on town and hook these women up. Stop. Stop holding back. 2017, you got to go down town and hook these women up down here. You see? It's a clap in the back. We got a slow clap. One girl was like, yes, tell them. Tell them. I can't take it no more. Got to go down there and do it. If you do it right, it should sound like a roller coaster ride going to the top. You in there, you doing your thing. Don't stop. I'm about to kill me. You down there so long, your mouth done got the locked jaw. You can't even breathe. Especially she got this little extra piece of stomach right here and get caught on your face. You be like, oh, oh. You just keep going anyway. I'm licking to get further and further apart. Only thing that can help that when you get in that situation, fellas, it's homecoming. You got to go up. You got to get that kiss. I went up one time. I tried to kiss this woman. She turned her head like she know where I just came from. I came up, she talking about now I'm good. I'm good. I'm like, wait a minute. You don't want to see what you serve in the streets? This is you. What you turning your head for? Like I've been in the foreign place or something. This is you. You don't know why. I said, that's fine. I ain't even sweating. I wanted to go put my meat in. She going to tell me, we need to be safe. You need to put the condom on. I'm like, for what? I just swallowed the disease already. Oh, you know what it is when your throat starts closing up. You can feel it. Uh-uh, it's up in there. Uh-uh. You start calling for help from people you don't know. Help me please. Barack, Michelle, somebody, anybody. My throat is closing up. You can't even talk when you get to class the next day. You walk in all the, what the hell is going on in my throat? Somebody get this. My throat is swollen shut. You done. Got to use protection? Got to. He said it earlier. You going to find yourself in the clinic like I did. Sophomore year, in there. Bad. Your neck clinic is rough. I tried to schedule my appointment on a Saturday when nobody would be there at the school. I come in, the lady in the clinic, she want to be extra. I'm in there trying to get my life together. I walk up to the little screen, walk up to the window, the window got the little thick glass with the speaker. I said, I need to talk to somebody. Got a little situation now. Feeling kind of weird down there. She said, what's saying to be the problem? I was like, that's, shh. I said, I got a little situation down there. I need to see somebody. What's wrong? You itching or burning or both? I said, wait a minute. Would you please stop talking loud? She said, if you enter the burner, go sit on this over here. And so I just clipboard. I was like, all right, I'm just going to go sit down. I thought I was good. Nobody was going to see me. In walks the girl that I've always had a crush on since the freshman year. Tanya. Tanya Fleming. She walks in. I said, all right, she seen me. She going to tell everybody I got the sizzle meat. I'm done. Cause once the rumor get out that you got the sizzle meat, you out of there. So I'm trying to hide, keep my head down. I see her go up to the window. I'm like, this is it. She going to see me here. She going to tell everybody. All I hear is, oh, you itching and burning. Go sit over there next to him. I said, yes. We made it for a whole six months after that. I figured what's gonorrhea plus gonorrhea. There ain't no gonorrhea. Hey, made it work. Gotta make it work. College, you got to be about being honest, man. Fellas, there can't be a lot of these women in college no more. Tell them the truth. Here's why. According to the USA Today, a sisters report was done about the college statistics. The ratio of women to men. They say it is 160 million women in this country and only 120 million men. That mean 40 million women ain't gon' get no man. I don't care what your past to say. With numbers like that, that put the ratio of what, 20 to one. Oh, but wait, fellas, it gets better. So it's for every one of you is 20 different women. But wait, it gets better. He's young to a relationship. He fought for his 20 women. So now it's 40 to what? All the way to get better. Homeboy over here, he flunked out of school. He was trying to sell drugs. He fought for his 20 women. Now it's 60 to what? Then you gotta think about it. You got gay dudes in college. Gay dude can't be gay by himself. Both of them for for day 20 women. Now it's like a hundred to one. With numbers like that, you gotta tell them the truth. You gotta tell the truth. Cause you gotta understand, if you lie to a woman, she got stuff you don't got. She got stuff you don't have. Every woman in here got a best friend that's ready to ride or die for them. See, see this? We ain't got that, fellas. They be ready to ride or die. Every woman in here got their key share in their life. That one woman that's on TN all the time. Your girl ain't even that mad. Key share ready to kill somebody over your relationship. Oh, they let you know right off the bat. They there for their best friend. They ready to go all the way there. You know key share issue. Oh, that's what it is. Okay, that's a, we, it's a problem. Second thing women got that you ain't got, fellas. They got intuition. They got a gift from God. Let them know when we on something that ain't supposed to be on. When we messing up, God snitch on us. I made a mistake. College lied to my girl, told her I was going to be studying and laid in the library. In fact, I was on the other side of campus at the little bar having chips and salsa with another chick that I liked. I'm thinking I'm getting away with it till intuition kicked in. She in the room folding clothes, watching TV. That's when they hit her. She was like, ooh, what is it, God? Ooh. Ooh, what is it? Jesus, speak to me right now. Ooh, city East up, up, up, ooh, Father. What is it, Jesus? Ooh, speak to me, God. Ooh. Ooh, I see chips and salsa, God. Leave me there, Jesus. Ooh. Ooh, ooh. Billie's on the other side of campus with another woman. Naffy at half of the lace front. Get my keys, get my purse. Who she calling? Right off the bat. Keisha. Call Keisha right up. Keisha, girl, I need you. I don't know where Billie at, but I think he doing something he ain't supposed to. Here come Keisha on 10. Don't even worry about it, girl. I'm outside. Come downstairs. Come downstairs. I read my horoscope today. It said real women gotta do real things. I am here. He can't cheat on us like that. When I got in a relationship with both of y'all. Oh, now it's bad. Both of them in the car. Neither one of them been to church. My girl start to pray off. Dear Lord Jesus, Father God, just help me, I'm lost, I'm confused. Here come Keisha on 10. Dear Lord Jesus, Father God, strike this fool, Billie, down for the stuff he did to my girl, cause my girl is a one good chick. You like, is she over here cussing in her prayers? Jesus, like, I did not approve this message. Oh, now it's bad. Now it's the one to Facebook. You see the Facebook status? It's super crazy, but still spiritual at the end. The status start off, first of all, to the woman that's out here running around with my man, at Billie Surreal's. I won't let you know. Hashtag you a hoe. Hashtag you ain't got no home training. Hashtag oughta beat you down when I see you. Hashtag me and my girl Keisha. Hashtag righted our friends since day one. Hashtag we ain't trippin' no. Hashtag Fight Club. Hashtag made where the Hashtag world start. We gonna do what we gotta do, but I ain't trippin' no, cause I can do all things through Christ, through strength and spirit. Jesus, like, I did not approve this message. Now you done. I'm confused, I don't know what to do. My dad didn't hit me on the inbox on Facebook. He said, hey boy, they got you jammed up. What you gonna do? I said, I don't know, I'm stuck. I'm trying to get out of there, trying to leave, but I can't get my check from the waitress. The waitress ain't gonna bring my check. I'm like, I know she see me. I'm asking for my check. I just didn't know that the waitress's friends with my girl on Facebook said, see the status update, and I already had reply to it. She said, oh girl, I got it right here where we want them. We gonna hold this check till you get here. We gotta do what we gotta do. Hashtag real women do real things. My daddy hit me right back on the inbox. He was like, hey boy, get out of there. The waitress ain't on the too. Escape, code 10, code 10, escape. I'm out of there, done. Too late. My girl walked right in. You know when women mad, you already know when they mad when they turn their head to the side like this. She was saying nice stuff, but she was saying it the mean way. Wow, really, really though, really, really, really, really though, really, really, really, really, really, wow, really, this chick, really, wow. Here come Keisha right behind her. Really though, this bitch, really, wow. That's cool though, do you? Ain't nothing like when you get confronted, you ain't got no words. My girlfriend asked me the magical question. She said, if you don't got nothing to hide, let me see your phone in. When a girl asked to see your phone, it's like you get stabbed in the club and you know who did it. Let me see your phone. Let me see your phone. You want to throw away all we got over the phone? I'm sitting there stuck. I don't know what to do. She asking for my phone. I know she get my phone. I'm out of there. I got my phone like this. Oh, that's what you want? You want to see this phone? Let me see your phone. Forget this phone. Forget this phone. I'm trying to destroy the evidence. I think I got away with it. I just did no Keisha went to ICDC college with a degree in TV, VCR repair. She did super glue my phone back together two weeks later. They scrolling through all my messages. Done. Don't lie. Tell the truth.