 Cheating in a relationship and forgiveness, is there really such a thing? You decide. This story will shake your resolve. Beware that this act of cheating cuts deep from a full-blown affair and blaming OP for it all the way to the streets, divorce, and a confession in front of a judge. But when a strong sigma male lowers his guard, will you still stand by him? Warning, this story might trigger everyone. I've been reading this sub for over a year now. Oddly, it was my wife who suggested it. See, it always concerned her that I never really spoke in depth about how her affair hurt me and changed me to anyone other than her. She is afraid, I think, that I might harbour some repressed hatred for her. I don't. It's like touching a hot stove. Do it once and you never purposely do it again. I am that way about my emotions. I am not void of emotions. I just choose to keep some of them safe within myself. Anyway, I recently created a username and began posting because one particular story for whatever reason hit me harder than some others I read. I spoke with my wife and showed her something I wrote to this user and asked her if she was okay with me posting our story. Let's call her Jenny. Jenny was okay with it and actually encouraged me to include more details than I had intended. Her reasoning was that everyone needed the whole picture to understand why she pursued reconciliation with me so hard, why it worked for us, and to understand why I fought it and how I see our love and our marriage so different now. After the first draft of this, I read it and got a very uneasy feeling about how my wife appears in this story and subsequently in our marriage. While she had no problem with the story as written, I decided to add this on the front end. My wife has become an amazing wife, mother and woman. She holds a professional degree in her career and is well thought of and admired in her field. She suffered greatly too. Admittedly, due to her own action and to no lesser degree from me during the reconciliation, she has truly been forged in fire and came out as steel. Her betrayal was devastating, but I think in my case, it was the circumstances surrounding the affair that ultimately allowed me to forgive her, not excuse her, forgive her. I lost a part of the good in me by going through this pain. In contrast, she came out of it a better person. I, at times, resent that. But then I see the positive she has brought to my life over the 23 years since this happened and it's okay. I am writing this in chronological order. Obviously, I was not aware of some of the events until later. The details come from writings that my wife did for therapeutic reasons, something she also incorporated into our reconciliation process. We still have the notebooks. We plan on burning them on our 50th wedding anniversary. We married when we were both 20. After about a year, I decided to go back to school part-time to finish my degree. Eventually, we had a child and I felt the pressure to finish my degree. My son had just turned two when I started my last year of college. Two semesters was all I needed. In September of 1993, my schedule was the following. Part-time job from 3 a.m. to 7 a.m., store stocker. Full-time job, administrative job at the police department, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. School Tuesday nights from 5.30 p.m. to 10 p.m. and school Saturday from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. My wife was a nurse's aide at a local hospital working from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. My mother kept our son. School and both of our jobs, as well as my parents, were all close. No more than a 10-minute drive from one to the other. We had as good a setup as possible for what I was trying to accomplish. The weekend before D-day, we had fought constantly. It was spring of 1994 and finals week for me. If I finished my papers and passed my finals by the following Sunday, we would be celebrating my completing my bachelor's in science and finally ending this 8-month schedule I was working. But she was upset because I would not take time off from studying to take her and our son someplace. She had been complaining about my work and school for some time now. And it had gotten so bad that we had stopped being intimate two months prior. On this particular Monday evening, I was fact-checking a research paper I had completed Saturday that was due Tuesday evening and she was constantly picking an argument. Finally, I told her to shut up and quit acting like a child. She stared at me and boldly announced, I hate you and I am in love with someone else. Just like that, I was stunned. We argued for about an hour until she confessed about what had happened earlier in the day while at lunch at work. It seems for the past two months she had started an emotional affair with a janitor at the hospital. Basically, it started with him complimenting her and always showing up every time she turned around. This graduated to eating lunch together in the cafeteria and then regular sessions of whining about me to him. They moved the wine sessions to the car about two weeks prior. She later admitted to twice kissing him during that time. But today it had turned into a full make-out session, culminating in her using her hands to finish while he did the same to her and then proclaiming their love for each other. Upon hearing this, I basically broke from the conscious world. I disassociated from all reality, I think. Later, I will go into further details regarding my thought process that night. In the meantime, this is what my wife wrote about that moment. It was strange. When I told him what we had done, I was fully prepared for some type of outburst. He just looked at me with the most horrible pain you can imagine, then it turned to something I can't describe. It was blank. He turned around and walked to the bedroom and quietly closed the door. I remember getting mad. He wouldn't even fight for me. I just knew at that moment I had made the right decision and everything was going to work out. I did it. I was breaking free of the man that was ignoring me for all these months. I returned to the living room with a suitcase and walked past her and out the front door. I remember her repeatedly asking where did I think I was going? Running home to mommy was one I remembered. I placed the suitcase in the driveway, went back in and grabbed her purse and held it out and told her to leave. This shocked her. She refused. I gently threw her over my shoulder walked out the door and sat her on the hood of the car. Her shock at this allowed me time to get back into the house and lock the door. She tried to get in but I held the deadbolt and she eventually left to stay at her parents. She told them we were separating but not why. That was a long night. I called in to both jobs to let them know I had a family emergency come up and would not be in the next day. At some point I fell asleep. I woke up at 7 and immediately began to occupy my time by planning on how to minimize contact with my wife. I called my mother to ask her to watch over my son. She was worried because normally he would be there by now. After that I made a list of things to accomplish that day and I started working the list. First I dropped my son off and explained to my mother that I would need to sit and talk to her at length later that day. I then went to the office of a lawyer friend of my family. He had gone to school with my dad and I knew him all my life. I explained I wanted to file for divorce as soon as possible. He listened to my story and suggested I think about things for a while but I was adamant. He said he could have the divorce papers completed by the end of day. I told him I would pick them up that day and file them with the clerk's office myself. That was the first thing at my job at the department. Next I went to get new locks for the house and made a stop off at the bank. I emptied and closed both our savings and checking account. I placed half the money in an envelope and stopped by my sister-in-law's place of work and gave her my wife's half of the money. I told her to tell my wife that she is not to contact me at all and that was her half of the money from the bank. I also told her I had cancelled our only credit card. Back at my mom's place I told her everything and she and my little sister came up with a plan for my little sister to stay at my house and watch my son while I worked and went to school for the rest of the week. I made my way home and changed the locks, spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning and playing with my son and then went to school. My wife also decided to not go to work that day. She contacted the janitor and told him what had happened. He was sympathetic and invited her over to his house that evening to get away from the stress. More on this house later. Long story short, she went and she did him. Here is what she wrote about that night. He fell asleep after. I remember being so excited at the beginning but during and afterward it began to feel wrong. Since he was asleep my mind began to wonder. I thought about OP and how he had made me do this pushed me to find someone else. I got up and left. On the drive home I began to remember the first time I was intimate with OP. We were each other's first and only. I broke down and thought about how disgusted I was with myself. Then I got mad at OP all over again. It really was a sick cycle. I would not face the responsibility of how truly horrible the thing I had done was. I convinced myself it was his fault. Two days later that day began as normal. I went to work, came home showered and ate breakfast with my son and sister. My wife called and wanted to make arrangements to see our son. Jenny was cocky and spiteful on the phone. I told her that I would meet her Sunday at 1pm and she could spend some time with him at a local park. She wasn't going for that. She wanted him for the weekend. I said no. She knew him staying at the house solved the babysitting issue for right now. Both her parents worked. So she did not push it. But she did slam the phone down. I went to work at the PD and the first chance I got I went to the Clark's office and filed for the divorce. Later in the day I was notified by a girl I knew there that they were ready to go and told him the story and asked him to serve them to her at work. He said he would the next day. Wife also returned to work. Her janitor came by her station and chatted her up throughout the day. They were not able to eat lunch together that day nor meet that evening. He claimed he had to go to something with one of his kids. He told my wife earlier in the affair he was divorced and had three kids. She went to her parents after work. Later that night she called me three times and each time I hung up on her after found out it was her color ID was not the norm back then in my area. After another long night of grieving my days started out like the day before. I went to work. After I arrived at my second job I received a phone call from the deputy that was going to serve the papers. He told me he would get there around noon I explained that would be fine. Her lunch hour was from 11am to noon I sat at my desk and tried to work. I was antsy and got up and went to the restroom at least three times until I finally threw up. I calmed myself and kept reminding myself it was the right thing to do. Thankfully I had not heard from my wife so far. 11am that day my wife meets the janitor for lunch they retire to his car in the parking lot and do it classy. They clean up, go back inside and sit in the cafeteria for lunch. At noon my wife returns to the nurses station on her hall along with the janitor and starts talking to the registered nurse in charge of the hall. Five minutes later the deputy walks in. He asks the nurse where he can find Jenny. She speaks up. Yes, that's me. The deputy turns to her and in a loud voice says you are being sued for divorce due to infidelity. My wife falls on the floor. Here are her words describing what happened. When I heard that I felt this massive wave of shame and guilt. It hit me that I had destroyed my marriage that OP was really going to divorce me. Some stupid part of me really believed that he wouldn't do it. I thought this was just another argument I was trying to win. Really sick thinking. The deputy physically picking me up and putting me in the chair. There was screaming. It was me. The head nurse was trying to calm me down. My affair partner tried to grab my hand and I punched him. He turned his head and the punch landed on his neck. I scratched him as he pulled away. I yelled at him so hard that he had ruined my life. They got her calm down. The deputy said the janitor left immediately. She was able to go back to her shift but the colleague nurse did a lot of covering for her. Three hours later Jenny was close to finishing her shift. She was called to the hospital administrator's office. She was scared. She guessed someone had reported her outburst. When she arrived the lady closed the door and immediately told her she was fired. Not to come back on the property and that she would receive her last check through the mail. The janitor in the parking lot had been witnessed by someone. They had reported it. At some point the head nurse had been called in and relayed the story about the divorce papers. The janitor was brought in questioned, fired and escorted from the property. Just an hour prior to my wife being fired everyone in the hospital knew about it all. She says she just went to the car and drove to her parents. At this point they still did not know what was going on. My sister and I were split up and it appeared serious. At 5.30pm that day I was eating supper with my son at home. My sister was out with friends and we were just spending time together. The deputy had relayed the events from earlier and I had gotten quite a bit of satisfaction knowing the reaction. The janitor being there was just blind luck. I was surprised she hadn't been arrested for assaulting him but hey you can't have everything. Then there was a knock at the door. Standing in front of me was a lady about 5 feet tall and enormously pregnant barely able to stand straight. She asked for Jenny. I explained she no longer lived there and would not be returning. She asked if I was her husband. I said soon to be ex-husband. I had served the papers today. She said she was Wendy the janitor's wife and she was pregnant with their fourth child. I let her in to sit down. She explained what had happened earlier about her husband and my wife getting fired and the circumstances surrounding it. I felt like throwing up. Who the hell was this psycho I had married? She also explained about the house that my wife met him. It was at that point I would have deleted him right there if I could have found him. Not for my wife but for humankind in general. This guy was a piece of crap. Again, more on the house later. She asked me where my wife was and I explained that she was with her parents. I gave her directions. After she assured me she only wanted to talk to her and let her know the truth. My son was still in his chair at the table and you could see him from where we sat in the living room. She commented on how wonderful of a father I was to take on the care of my son alone. She then got up and left. One hour later, my father in law answered his door and Wendy asked to speak to my wife. Thinking she was a friend of Jenny he went and got Jenny who stepped out on the porch to speak to her. Wendy told her who she was and that she just wanted to know the truth about what she had gotten herself into with the janitor. Wendy and the janitor were still married and living together. She was eight months pregnant with their fourth child. Jenny was upset and crying at this and apologizing over and over again but it got worse. You see, the janitor and another guy at the hospital along with one of their friends were playing a game. The goal was to see how many married women they could score in the span of 90 days. Up until my wife the third guy was leading with three. My wife was the janitor's third. Oh, and the night he had the thing with one of his kids. Wendy and the janitor went out with the fourth woman. Wendy said that this fourth lady had been married 25 years and she was informing her husband next it was their neighbor. The house was a place they rented to take the married ladies to. Wendy found out about this two hours after he was fired. He came home high and crying confessed everything in an attempt to work it out. Wendy left with the kids in a car across the face and called her a stupid cow. Jenny was stunned. Wendy told her she should be ashamed of throwing away her family. She told her how she was at our home an hour ago and watched a loving man feeding his son all alone because his wife was a stupid selfish skank without morals. My wife lost control crying and Wendy walked away got in the car and left. My in-laws checked on her to drive off. She was basically catatonic. They got her inside and were discussing taking her to the emergency room when she began to just talk out of her head. My father in law thought she was on speed or something. She started talking about how terrible she was and how she had to fix it. They calmed her down eventually and got the whole story. My father in law was really hurt. He was and is a good man. He later said she, Jenny the shame and disappointment on his face. My mother in law well, she blamed me as usual. I'm not fond of her. The aftermath My father in law called me the next day and apologized the one and only time I ever suspected that my father in law had tears in his eyes. He told me what happened and said that Jenny had been in her room all day and night. I told him about the appointment she had to meet me on Sunday at one time in the park. He said okay and hung up. I worked Friday and went to school that Saturday. By the end of the day I had found out I had passed and would receive my degree bittersweet, but I had made it. My parents celebrated that night with extended family coming over and cooking out. I have a great family. No one brought up Jenny. The next day I did not hear from Jenny at the time we should have been meeting up at one. I chalked it up to a blessing that I could use in a custody hearing if needed. At 3.30 her father called. He said Jenny was still not responding coherently to them and just walked around in her bathrobe with a notebook in her hands and would not let go of it. She had not bathed in days and only ate sparingly. He was worried and tired. He found himself afraid to sleep in case she hurt herself. He asked me to come see her. I declined. I couldn't feel anything for her. I told him to get her some help and I would let her see our son when she could get herself together. I really felt nothing for her. That first night I had gone through my own trial by fire and came out stronger more on that later. I was not going to care about this person ever again. I did not hear from her or her family for two weeks. Two weeks had passed since I had last spoken with my father-in-law. During that time I had quit my part-time job and was actively looking for a new job. I had plans to get my MBA but wanted to take a year or two to get settled in a new job. My son was asking about his mother. I could only comfort him at that point. The longer she went without reaching out to see him was better for my chances to get a good custody deal. I was at the PD when she called and asked to set up a time to meet and see our son. I asked her if she had pulled herself further enough not to scare him and she replied, yes. I told her I would meet her at 9am at the park on Saturday and to bring her dad. I did not want to meet her alone. My mother went with me. When I saw her I knew I had made the right decision to limit her contact to only two hours. She was a mess. She had lost a lot of weight. She was not wearing makeup. She smelled like ivory soap. She was a deodorant or any of those feminine smells I always associated with her. I found out later her mother had bathed her and dressed her. Jenny was not able to function completely yet. Park meetings lasted about three weeks and I extended them to four hours and Sunday too. She looked better each week but I was still concerned about her mental health and would not let him stay with her overnight or see him alone. Eventually my mother-in-law fired of that and hired an attorney to sue for custody. Now Jenny had not signed the divorce papers yet. I was okay with that. In six months I could petition the court for a divorce anyway but the custody suit pissed me off because she was suing for full custody. I had already told her father I was willing to eventually work up to 50-50 custody but her mother blew that out of the water. I responded with a request for full custody on the grounds of mental defect. Really, I was ready to rumble. I was pissed and needed an outlet. This was it. On the day of the custody hearing my lawyer said her attorney had come to him with a request. Jenny wanted to speak to me in private. I said no. He said it might be an offer. I relinquished but wanted it to be in the hallway outside the courtroom in full view of both attorneys but where they could not hear what was being said, they agreed. She started out with small talk asked me how our son was doing I said great and getting better every day then she asked about my school I told her I passed and graduation was next week she was happy about that she looked down and asked if she could come and see me walk I said my graduation was for my family and friends and she was neither so no, I really hurt her with that. We had worked hard together for the majority of our time together to accomplish that and me saying no showed that she could not share it with me she said please and I told her again no I said it's special to me it didn't matter enough to you when you let someone use you like trash I was really becoming a huge prick and I wanted to hurt her she teared up turned around and walked back to her attorney the hearing started got up, testified nothing unusual mother-in-law got up and put all the blame on me said I was seeing someone and it drove my wife crazy no proof of that but she was never one to care about truth she also claimed I had assaulted my wife by grabbing her and throwing her on the hood of the car the night she left then it was my wife's turn Jenny began answering questions from her lawyer but stopped after about the third one she asked the judge if she could say something he told her she might want to confer with her attorney first but she declined and he said go ahead, here is my wife's words from her notebook I remember how sad I was after the hearing started I listened to OP give his side of the story and how he had taken care of our boy all these weeks I needed to make this right I sat there listening to mama and I knew she was lying to protect me but it was just another lie on top of a lie I had enough I had to fix this Jenny then stated that she wanted to apologize to my parents who were in the room she also apologized to her own parents she looked at me and said she knew that right now I hated her more than anyone in the world she said everything that had happened was her fault and at this point she just wanted to salvage anything she could we had together if it was only to get me to be able to look at her without disgust she then told the judge she wanted to withdraw her claim and would adhere to any custody arrangement I saw fit to give her I conferred with my attorney and we offered supervised one hour visits for six weeks with him staying with her every other weekend after that if there were no problems we adjourned looking back I think that is when I saw a small ray of possibility we would be nicer to each other not reconcile but at least cordial the schedule worked fine after the third week we were spending that visitation time with just her me and our son it usually extended to three or four hours I was not friendly but I really enjoyed watching my son play with his mom it helped them both the only negative incident happened during the fifth visit she came up behind me and hugged my right arm while I was watching our son play I freaked out I yelled at her to never ever touch me again she hugged our son and left quickly the next week we just acted as though nothing happened and she kept her distance another month passed and we were talking more about day to day issues I had a new job that was paying more and she had begun nursing school she had begun to tell me that the janitor was calling her she could not leave her alone she claimed she wanted to be honest with me in case I heard she had told him to leave her alone but he still showed up at her parents house one night father-in-law threatened to delete him if he didn't leave her alone I told her I did not care who she slept with anymore she said she was not sleeping with anyone and never would until she knew that we could never put our family back together I told her it was never going to happen six months after our separation I brought up the fact that she needed to sign the divorce papers she said no I reminded her I did not need her to sign them but it would be easier if she would she asked if she could come by the house that night so we could talk and if I still wanted a divorce she would sign them that night I agreed she showed up with these notebooks the little black composition notebooks she told me she started writing down things the day after she got the divorce papers she does not know why but it seemed to help she said she wrote everything she could remember about what had happened in as much detail as she could she wanted me to read it but warned me it would hurt bad she wrote about what she said and did with the janitor I really did not want to read it she said she knew she was taking a risk but she had to do something to make me understand why she was trying to save our marriage so I read it she was right it was hard the intimate parts was not really detailed as it was described in general terms but what she said about me and our marriage to him damn that cut deep the book I read that night also chronicled her mental breakdown the writing was jumble and unorganized but every day it got better and better I had to understand to dissect what she did and said it was her therapy one passage was when she described this insane conclusion that she came to and was convinced it would set all things right you see she remembered she never had climaxed with the guy never if she didn't which meant she did not enjoy it therefore she did nothing wrong and I would have to take her back to her dad much to his discomfort and he told her it did not work that way reading the book did not change my mind but it scared me I was still concerned about her mental state until I read what and how she wrote during those two weeks I did not realize how fragile her mind had gotten I agreed to give it some more time this gave her the courage to start pushing me to write to her sit down and write a letter or something about what had happened I get a better sense of how to help me I thought about this and I knew I was still messed up pretty bad and that maybe at the least it would help me move on might still have some type of healthy relationship down the road her writing therapy as I called it evolved into this we would meet two nights a week our first assignment would be to write down where we saw the state of our marriage prior to D-day at the meeting we would exchange letters and make notes we would then put our questions in writing and ask them to the other person we would talk until each question was fully answered and go to the next one if we did not finish then we would extend those questions to the next meeting the rules were simple answer honestly, no yelling and no declining to answer any question we started with an analysis of our pre-D-day marriage and went through each subsequent day until the Sunday I spoke with her father after she received the divorce papers after that we would re-evaluate and go from there I will say I was a complete prick about this I answered questions honestly except for one more on that later but I used it to humiliate her I made her repeat over and over the bad things she said to him about me I made her give excruciating details about the intimate contact they had she balked sometimes but she always went through with it while it was really vanilla compared to what she and I did when we were together it hurt honestly I thought I could handle it because I really was not interested in getting back together but it really was bad to hear it it's hard to believe how cruel I had become but again in my mind it was justified at the time after about a month of this I had to admit it helped me some she proposed to move back in and try the next step I said no she really begged and offered a good argument for it but I said no I told her even if I wanted to reconcile there was no way I could be intimate with her again she was okay with that and said I could go outside the marriage while she stayed faithful that's not me so no after another month I relented but laid down some rules the rules were non-negotiable and set in stone first she had to sleep in the spare room second absolutely no physical contact at all third she kept her money in her checking account but I handled her banking and gave her checks to pay her bills including rent for the room and expenses and money to spend this was due to the fact that she had given the janitor $300 out of our savings account a week before D-day plus I thought she would say no and not move in fourth her mother was not to come into my home until we decided to reconcile I was still pissed at her still am a little fifth all prior custody agreements were to automatically kick in if we did not reconcile sixth if I found someone else she had one week to move out she agreed and moved in it was harder than I thought I no longer had that cooling down period between the times I saw her she was there all the time I started small fights all the time said hateful things to her I wanted her out almost immediately after she moved back in I had to do something so we implemented Thursday night fight night this came out of the meetings we had where we were writing every Thursday night after the kid was asleep we would sit in the living room discuss things that we were having issues with or any arguments that were still ongoing those had to be settled on Thursday night before bed and could not go any further we actually still have a version of this today it evolved into simply asking over dinner if we had anything to talk about that night the kids never knew where it came from or really what it was I was still being difficult I threw her a fair at her every chance I could she took it in stride and never engaged when it got to that point I would say I was emotionally cruel to her but she was strong she knew that we were meant to be and since she destroyed our lives she had to build it back up on her own until I saw what she saw and joined her and she was committed to giving me the time I needed six months after she moved back in I had my own breakthrough after a particularly hard day of one trigger after another I had locked myself in the bedroom I just could not do it any longer my wife came to the door and knocked and quietly said you need to talk I will be out here when you think you can and I heard her slide down the door sit on the floor and lean her back against the door for an hour she sat there it was almost midnight when I opened the door she asked me if she could come in and I told her no and said let's go to your room we went to her room and she sat on the bed and I finally told her what had happened after I kicked her out the night I found out about the affair after she drove off I spent a lot of time in my son's room just watching him sleep I went into my desk and retrieved the checkbook and my bill ledger and took them along with a copy of the life insurance policy and put them in plain sight on the kitchen table I went and took a shower I then went into the bedroom and got my 38 down from the shelf in the closet and laid it on the bed I dressed in a pair of jeans and a button down shirt put my shirt tail in and all combed my hair, sat on the bed and grabbed it, tasted the oil on the barrel I vividly remember being obsessed about that taste it tasted exactly like it smelled I have no idea how long I sat there I then got up, unloaded it and put it back in my clothes and went to bed unfortunately, I think this type of thing enters into many betrayed spouses' minds I explained to her that was the only thing I had held back during our recovery for the first time I allowed her to hug me and kiss me on the forehead in something other than a goodbye or see you later it was the first emotional touch I had allowed her have with me I told her I forgave her that night but I did not mean it it was a number of months later before I actually meant it, but saying the words then cracked the door open for me after that, physical touch increased slowly holding hands, kiss goodbye a hug, etc these began to be more normal occurrences in our relationship intimacy was not happening but we were headed that way and eventually, almost a year after she moved in, we finally were intimate I think this was our hysterical bonding time she was still journaling and according to her we were intimate 32 times in 28 days years later, we were talking and she told me that until the night we were intimate she woke up every morning thinking today would be our last day together she kept telling herself just one more day she knew me well enough to know that this meant I was rebonding today, we have a good marriage both successful in our careers we have three grown children they do not know about any of this as far as we know no plans to tell them, but no plans to lie if they ask we both changed a lot my wife is a lot stronger and wiser she looks back on this as an unnecessary evil that she caused but she successfully overcame I sometimes think she still punishes herself for it for my part, it does not come up in discussions or arguments at all hasn't in over 20 years she is very perceptive and more often than not she recognizes when I experience a trigger and yes, they do still happen maybe once or twice a year they are swift and short but they sting usually she will grab my hand and hold it sometimes she will hug me and say I love you or simply thank you I lost some of the good in myself I hold a lot of my feelings back and deal with them myself while I try to support her emotional needs she knows I will not be her emotional tampon anymore it's her job to let me know what the issue is and put forth a plan to fix it which I will help to implement I love her I had to learn to love her again it's different, more realistic but intense nonetheless as I said earlier I feel I had to lose a part of the good in me so she can become a better person and at this point in my life I am good with that I hope this helps someone every situation is different but this worked for us and I am thankful for that I am not preaching reconciliation I am preaching self handle yourself fix what you have control of not what you can't do what benefits you in your situation be selfish to a point then see about becoming a we in a marriage or relationship later Google the serenity prayer no truer words have ever been written in my opinion and remember the sub is surviving infidelity you are reading about the worst days of our lives and marriage there are many greater happier memories we have created that far outweigh this tragedy I wish you all the best in this journey you do win on the other side of the pain if you put forth the effort for yourself it's hard to believe it's been so long ago that I posted this I stepped away from this account because I received so much trolling privately by people that are so hard core against reconciliation and I get it many who reached out for help after I posted were quickly informed I don't recommend reconciliation it's hard, it's difficult it's painful but if you can do it under the right conditions it has its own rewards I just wanted to let everyone know we are still married we now have grandkids and if you know, you know it's a completely different type of love my wife is semi-retired and works as a PRN now meaning when needed when she wants to work I continue to work full time but we find a lot of time to travel I don't remember the last time I had a trigger maybe about three years ago and only because our oldest found out my wife's affair through a vindictive relative that lives a very lonely life my wife handled it with such grace and humility that I think it affected me in a way that I have finally just moved on completely she apologized for the pain she caused me and we both explained that it was in the past and any issue he has with it we would help him but cautioned him that ultimately it was between us and fell under things that were our business it has not appeared to have had any effect on their relationship though she was extremely embarrassed that's about it we wish all of you going through this pain the best wow, I read every word and now I'm crying thank you for sharing this it touched me in so many ways I remember thinking about walking out in front of a passing transport truck after D-Day I know what it's like to pick fights and arguments because deep inside I'm still mad I know what it's like to be in that messed up affair fog because I messed up and had an emotional affair a few years before my wife cheated on me and the same thing was going on for both of our affairs we were so busy with other stuff we forgot about our marriage and forgot to take care of each other thank you again you've given me some hope for the future thank you and best of luck whatever happens and none of this would have happened if you didn't act like a man at the beginning and didn't throw her out like a piece of trash a cheater needs to be hit by reality like by a truck otherwise he or she stays forever in their delusional wonderland where nothing is their fault many people here should learn this lesson honestly though I did it more to gain control of myself in the weeks looking back after her admitting to the affair it was easier to make decisions regarding my son my finances, my life on general all without giving one hoot in hell how it affected her that was huge also by the time she was ready to try to fix things it was truly on her to make it right she spent a long time with one foot out the door before I truly accepted her back royal, ai sad news for me and my family three weeks ago my wife Jenny passed away she battled colon cancer for six months she passed away with all of us by her bedside in the home we built four years ago to spend our retirement in she was only 18 months into her retirement when diagnosed I do not have the ability to explain the loss it's beyond anything I have experienced even that pain that we all experienced in this community has betrayed loved ones she spent our remaining years after our reconciliation waking up for the pain she caused and succeeded in a spectacular fashion I miss her our kids miss her but I'm here for a reason Jenny wrote a letter to me in her final days she instructed our pastor to give it to me after the ceremony when he felt the time was right I read this letter three days ago and I want to share a passage from that letter to all of you that have read our story and have gotten any type of good from it it illustrates our need as betrayed to forgive and those that betray and are truly remorseful that they too suffer long term for their betrayal this is the passage I feel a lot of physical pain right now as you know but my faith makes me see what's to come and it the pain fades some pain has a way of making one turn inward and I have been looking inward a lot these past weeks sometimes I think I deserve the pain because of what I did to you did to us so many years ago but then you pick me up and place me in my chair and help me eat you bathe me hold my hand play your guitar while I lose myself in my memories I realize this pain is a gift it's allowing me to experience the essence of love at its purest form your true forgiveness for what I did because only true love and forgiveness is reflected in your actions as you take care of me I love you so much there was a lot more but I wanted to share this with this community and thank you for being in our lives however tangential and I love you too I'm sorry for your loss your reconciliation story was one of the best and an actual inspiration it shows that it can happen successfully may she rest in peace and wish the best for you and your family I remember your story my condolences for your loss and prayers for comfort during this time your story shows that reconciliation is possible but it also shows that it takes a great deal of courage and a lot of work from both parties thank you for being open about the journey you and your wife took it had benefited many and will continue to do so Godspeed OP first off my condolences to you and your family I do remember coming across your story and it was one of those tough reads I always did feel that you should have gone through with the divorce and stand by it but you do you sir you've shown great character and a really kind heart by taking her back your wife was lucky to have you glad you guys did reconcile and she passed knowing she got your forgiveness if heaven exists you've got a seat there for sure hope you're doing well and recover from this quickly once again sorry for your loss wishing you and your family the best before we conclude this story it came to my attention that there are many many youtubers that re-upload my content by simply putting another background into their episode oh my god if you hear this audio anywhere else then on royal ai it means they stole it be sure to watch royal ai if you like this type of content that brings us to the end of this story I've seen comments condemning OP but some praise him in the end he made his decision and clearly stands by it to this day this reconciliation story is shared in the hope it could help the ones who are left in pieces I believe some started this episode but couldn't stay till the end as they only want to hear about revenge resolute ghosting or never ending vengeance aimed towards cheaters nonetheless I thought some could appreciate a story like this you stayed so I'm curious to what you think what would you have done differently do you enjoy stories from the other side let us know down below don't forget to smack the like button into oblivion see you in the next one