 The Craft Food Company presents Willard Waterman as the Great Gilded Sleeve. The Great Gilded Sleeve is brought to you partially transcribed by the Craft Foods Company. Craft makers of the one and only Miracle Whip Shallow Dressing. We say one and only because there just isn't any other salad dressing like Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip is different and it's pretty different. Miracle Whip tastes so good it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created. More Miracle Whip is sold in the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Try it. Make your salad better tasting with the one and only Miracle Whip. When the average boy makes up his mind he wants something he can be quite a pest around the house. When the Great Gilded Sleeve's nephew Leroy wants something he's not only a pest around the house but he follows his uncle wherever he goes. Where he was uncle? He was upstairs flipping. Frepping? Then he went skipping across the street to call on Ms. Winthrop. I guess I'll follow him over there. Leroy, Ms. Winthrop just got back from a summer vacation. Y'all got to catch up on these Portons. Okay, I'll just sit in the parlor with him and let him pork. I ought to see Babs anyway. Why don't you bring Babs over here and play records or something? Let her mother, Mr. Gilded Sleeve, have a parlor over there. Nah, I hate to do a song for what I've got up pestering. What you asking now boy? Oh gosh, all summer uncle's been promising to help me get a permit to drive a car. And here's school starting and I don't have it yet. Well maybe you think you're not quite right for that. Well a lot of sensible kids my age have driver's permits. How much you drive a car when you're with somebody else? I'm going to hang around Duncan his date until he gets so sick of me he'll agree to anything to get rid of me. Oh Mr. Gilded Sleeve, his happy toothsome is about to become a gruesome threesome. Hello Paula. It's good to have you back home. Oh thank you, Crockmore. It's good to be home. Babs can hardly wait to get back in school. I can hardly wait to get back in school either teacher. Where do you want me to sit this year? Right here in the couch? By you? If you like. Yeah. You have an ice tan, Paula. You used to spend a lot of time sunbathing. Oh I practically lived on the beach, took a lot of pictures. Well, do you have the pictures? Love to look at snapshots. Yes I have some right here. Great, let's see them. I like the bathing suits that they give. Oh then you'll be interested in this picture. This is Uncle Jasper on the beach. Oh. Is that really your Uncle Jasper or is that a bathing suit hanging on a limb? Crockmore. Well, the heck with pictures. Let's enjoy being alone together. It isn't often we get away from Babs and Leroy. Maybe we'll be more successful this year. Well, had George Iceman got on Leroy tonight. I just had to see you alone. I wanted to see you too. There were times this summer when I missed you very much, Crockmorton. Well, it was a dull summer for me too. No girl, I should have been there. Evenings were quite chilly. Well, I'd like a log and a fire pipe. I'd sit all alone listening to the pounding of the surf. No fooling? Eh, Paula. There's anything but chilly in here. But I wonder if we shouldn't light a fire. Why not? It's early autumn. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. What an evening this is going to be. Doorbell. I wonder who that is. Excuse me, Crockmorton. Hurry back, Paula. You'll just leave. She missed you. You're irresistible. Especially when they don't see you. Hi Leroy. What's she doing here? Can I come in? Of course. Oh no. I believe Babs is upstairs Leroy. I'll call her. I'll see you two until she comes down. Oh Leroy. Why don't I'm waiting? I've got all night. Well, I never believed in girls keeping boys waiting. There's one thing about you Paula. When I have a date you don't keep me waiting. Well, you two are older. You're getting anxious. Leroy, I'll run up and tell Babs you're here. Leroy, I didn't know you were coming over. Oh, I didn't have anything else to do. And I thought it might be a good time to ask you when I'm going to get my driver's permit. Leroy, this is no time to push for that. Now when Babs comes down you two scram. Oh gosh, we don't have any place to go. But if I had my driver's permit... Young man, I... I'm terribly sorry Leroy, but Babs is a sloot. She went to bed early. Well, good. Nothing to be sorry about. Heck no. I'll just sit here and chat with you two. Oh my goodness. What were you talking about when I came in? Oh, we were just talking about things that happened this summer. Yeah? What happened? Well, I was just telling Paula it was very dull for me with no girlfriend around. Ah! Leroy... What's wrong Morton been up to, Leroy? If he dares mention Gloria McKinley and hope and others. Gosh, I guess I said something wrong. Leroy, let's watch it. Look, if I had my driver's permit I wouldn't be hanging around so much. Staying the wrong thing. This is beginning to sound interesting. Now Gloria, I mean Paula. What did you say? Now who's saying the wrong thing? Paula, don't let Leroy get you confused. Let's talk about something else. Say, the trees are changing color. Let's drive out in the country tomorrow evening and watch them change. I'll head birdie pack a nice supper to eat in the moonlight. Oh, I enjoy that. That's an I would enjoy that. Leroy, I mean a supper for two. Gosh, Uncle, I hope you don't think I'm trying to tag along and maybe say the wrong thing again. But if I had my driver's permit... Young man, are you making a nuisance of yourself just to get your driver's permit? Well... Because if you are, I have only one thing to say. Yeah? Well, Leroy, now that you're going to get the permit, are you sure you know what you have to do to get it? What do you mean, birdie? You just don't go down there and tell the law you want a permit. For real? It ain't just driving a car. You've got rules to learn. Oh, heck, I know the rules. Don't turn around in the middle of a block, don't run for a red light. There's nothing to it, birdie. Well, you wouldn't get birdie down there. I'd be too nervous. Like my sister's husband, he went down to get his driver's license and you should have seen the list of questions. Yeah? And when they gave him that driving test... Oh, man! Oh, I can pass that. Well, you think you can until you get in that car and the law gets you right with you? Yeah, but... He tells you to do things you're supposed to do and he also tells you to do some things you ain't supposed to do. And if you don't do the things you're supposed to do and do the things you ain't supposed to do, you're done. Yeah, I think I know what to do. Of course you may not get as nervous as my brother-in-law. They would tell him to put out his hand to turn right and put up his hand to turn left, put down his hand, don't turn. He had so many hands sticking in it he didn't have any left to keep on the same wheel. He didn't need no license. He sold his car. Well, you're lagging behind. I'll take my driver's test today. No, Leroy, you're just worried because of what birdie said. Yeah. All right, George, I'm going to see if you get your driver's permit today. I'm tired of having you hone me for it. Following me around, sitting in on all my dates. You're right, Aunt. I'm going to sneak you and make me forget all about the driver's permit. No, Leroy. Guys, what if I don't pass? All the kids will laugh at me. You'll pass, all right. Anybody with average intelligence can pass the driver's test. Let's go inside. Okay. But I don't know if I've got average intelligence. I've got a D in history, you know. History has nothing to do with driving a car. Now step up to the window. Okay. Good morning. Good morning, officer. Good morning. This is my nephew, Leroy Forreston. I brought him down to get a driver's permit. Well, he's pretty small, isn't he? He is small for his size. But he's within the age limit. Aren't you my boy? Yeah. All right, let's fill out a little form here. You're sponsoring him? Oh, yes, indeed. And what is your name? What's my name? Well, I just happened to be the city water commissioner. That's all. Occupation water commissioner. Now, what's your name? I'm Frogmoreton P. Gillerson. And I can see you're new around here. And very impertinent for a rookie policeman. I'm a sergeant. Well, you're impertinent for a rookie sergeant. Oh, don't antagonize him. He's going to give me the test. Oh, young fellow, here's your written traffic examination. Just answer the questions. You'll find Pen and Ink over there on the table. Wow, 30 questions. Oh, can you help me? Oh, I'm afraid not, my boy. You're the one who's taking the examination. Not me. It would be calm the way I am. Don't be too concerned about it, young man. You can miss five and still pass. I can? Then all you have to do is get in a car with an officer and show him you can drive. Sure, go ahead, my boy. Nothing to be upset about. I can take that test blindfolded. OK, I'll try. The boy's a little nervous, I guess. But I guess all youngsters are when they first come down here. It isn't just the beginners. Some of the old timers get a little nervous, too. That's ridiculous. It wouldn't bother me. Now, then, since you'll be responsible for your nephew, I'll have to see your driver's license. You have one, of course. You bet I've got one. You're right here in my wallet. Yeah, there you are. Yeah, I drive all the time. I'd be a fool not to have a driver's license. Well, Commissioner, I won't be so impertinent as to call you a fool, but you don't have a driver's license. I don't. It expired two months ago. You did? Of course. As you told your nephew so many times, there's nothing to be nervous about. No, of course not. Who's nervous? Let's see. Lunch hour coming up. You can take your driver's test at two o'clock this afternoon. Yeah, well, there's no hurry. I'll drop in one of these days. If you want to drive your car, Commissioner, you'll take it today. No, don't get pushy, Junior G-man. Junior G-man? Yeah, I'll come back at two and take your old written test. Fine. But your license having left, you'll also have to take a driving test. You're all right. I'll take that, too. Anything to get you out of my hair. I can see the prove I can drive. Me. Oh! Gravegilda Slave will be back in just a minute. The Bridge Club was meeting at Ella O'Leary's, and Ella got nervous and made quite a slip. She trumped Betsy's ace, but, ah, saved her face with a luscious big salad and miracle whip. Quite a poem, huh? 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In fact, miracle whip is so popular it actually outsells the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Make better tasting salads. Make them with the one and only miracle whip salad dressing. When the great gilded sleeve broke Leroy down for his first driver's permit, he assured his nervous nephew that there was nothing to it. Then he discovered that his own driver's license had expired and the shoe was on the other foot, and it's beginning to pinch. Pete hurt. That badge-happy sergeant made me leave my car at the police station and walk all the way home. You gotta go back at two o'clock and take the test, uh-uh. Yeah, if I can make it. Too bad you had to run in with that police sergeant. How did one swell with him when he gave me the driving test? Great. He said I was a very intelligent little kid. Good. Couldn't believe you're my uncle. Oh? I guess you're pretty proud of me. Passing all the tests, huh? Yeah. Yes, I am. I'm very proud of you, my boy. Now I won't be pestering you from a driver's permit. I won't be always hanging around when you've got a date. Just think. Tonight you and Mrs. Winfield couldn't go on your picnic all alone. Well... Just you two eating the hard-boiled eggs in the moonlight. Quiet, Leroy. I'm studying the questions on this traffic examination. Lucky for you I brought us that home, huh, honk? Well, naturally I know the answers, but it doesn't hurt to cram a little before the exam. There's nothing to it, honk, like you told me. Anybody with average intelligence can pass a driver's test. Yes, yes. There's nothing to get upset about. Don't be nervous. Be calm, like you told me. Leroy, stop telling me what I told you. Okay. We're not just yet, my boy. Don't you want... I'm not hungry, Bertie. You? Not hungry? Besides, I have to be at the police station at 2 o'clock. Police station? Mr. Giltsley, why, you in trouble? Not necessarily, Bertie. Of course, I do have to get down and renew my driving license. Well, then, you're not in trouble. Well... I have to answer a lot of questions, and then prove to them I can drive. You can drive good enough to get by, like I've seen you do it. You're not in trouble. Well... I had a little brush with the sergeant down there. Oh, you've tangled with him before, but you never got in trouble. I'm afraid I got a little excited and called this sergeant a rookie cop. So you call the sergeant a rookie. You're not in trouble. You were gritty. This sergeant happens to be the one who's giving me the driving test. Uh-oh. You're in trouble. Bertie, some of these questions are sticklers. Down the way down, I think I'll stop it and talk to Pee-Pee. He's the most cautious driver I know. He'll know the answers. Hello, Pee-Pee. Yeah, huh? I don't want you going to Pee-Pee. What can I do for you today? Well, first of all, you might give me a cigar. Give you one or tell you one. You know what I mean, Pee-Pee? Here's the money. Yeah, well... There's nothing like a good cigar after lunch, eh? You do want a good cigar, don't you? Naturally. Then drop another dime on the counter. All right, Pee-Pee. Might as well spend it on cigars. Can't spend it on gasoline. Okay. My car's at the police station, Pee-Pee. You don't say. What did it do? Nothing. Well, then I'd get it a good lawyer. Pee-Pee, my driver's license expired. Oh, you're the one who needs your lawyer. No, confounded. I don't need a lawyer. You want to plead the case yourself? Pee-Pee, stop and let me talk. Yeah, go ahead and tell him. I'm on my way down to take my driver's ticket. I thought you could give me a little help on some of these questions. I'm not going to be able to tell you I think Mrs. Pee-Pee would be the one to ask. She does most of the driving. Well, Pee-Pee, whenever you two go out, Mrs. Pee-Pee is in the back seat. That's what I'm saying. Yes, yes. Of course, I know the answers to most of these questions, but here's one that has me confused. If you're going up a narrow mountain road and meet a car coming down, would you pull over and stop or continue up the mountain? I wouldn't do either one. Pee-Pee, you'd have to do one or the other. I wouldn't dare take my car up the mountain. Oh, my goodness. But to answer your question, any driver with average intelligence knows the car coming down here has the right of way. Well, that's the way I had it marked. Then why are you marking it again? Oh, all right, Pee-Pee. I'll admit I came to you because you're such a careful driver. You know all the answers. Consequently, you never break the traffic regulation. Thank you. I've got to be going, Pee-Pee. By the way, Mr. Jonas' name, when you go back to the police station, will you give them a $5? It's for parking by a fire plug. Parking by a fire plug? You know better than that. Yeah, yeah, but Mrs. Pee-Pee spied a bargain sale. And when she says park, I have to park. Oh, my goodness. See you later, Pee-Pee. George, I'll show this up at the sergeant. Yeah, I bet he's never seen anybody take the written test so fast. Of course, all I had to do was copy the answers off my sheet and the one he gave me. Now he's reading all those complicated questions again. Yeah, there, that does it. Sergeant? Yes, commissioner. Take a look at this. Very well. Now, let's see. Oh, there's no use spending a lot of time checking. You won't find anything wrong. Quiet, please. I'm fascinated. Now that you've never seen anything like my paper. No, no, I haven't. In all my experience, I've never seen anything like it. You haven't. Out of 30 questions, you've missed only 28. That's impossible. I copied the answers off my other sheet. I mean, commissioner, we're prepared for that. We have three different sets of questions. What a sneaky way to run a traffic department. Ask this time, Sergeant. Anybody with average intelligence can pass the written test if they'll take the time to analyze the questions. I wish people would stop stressing average intelligence when they talk to me. This is your car, isn't it? Yeah, this is it. Let's see how you are behind the wheel. Well, hello, Officer Dolan. Oh, Judge Booker. Hello, Judge. What are you doing escorting this vagrant to the edge of town? Judge, I'm taking the driver's test. Well, this should be interesting. Officer, do you mind if I climb in the back seat and go along? There's no law against it. Well, I'm against it. Look, I have work to do. Let's go. Yeah, hop in, Gelder. Judge, if you must come along, be quiet. Don't make me nervous. Gelder, I won't say a word, unless, of course, I can be doing something wrong. Start the motor, Commissioner. What does the water commissioner have in the gas tank? Water? Commissioner. Yes. You could try turning on the ignition. Oh, yes. Just warming up the starter. Gelder, when you pull away from the curb, you hold out your hand. I know that. Well, do it. I'm doing it. I'll make a left turn at the next intersection, Commissioner. Yes, sir. I mean, are you all right? Gelder, are you sure you should make a left turn? Sometimes I ask you to do things you aren't supposed to do. I know that. But he isn't going to catch me. Well, let's see what the traffic sign says. I can read the signs. It says, no, you turn. So you can make a left turn. Go ahead, make a left turn. Confounded horror shot. Oop, past the intersection. Yes, you did. Well, better to be safe than sorry. Now, let's see if we can make a right turn. You mean right here in the middle of the block? If I were you, I'd wait until I got to the corner. Yes, sir. Gelder, I'm surprised at you. Boris, stop breathing down the back of my neck. Now, I see. For right turn, stick my arm out the window. Hold up my hand. Here we go, on the turn. Commissioner, stop waving at the people across the street. He isn't waving, he's trembling. George, if I fail this test, I'm going to sue you. Now, Gelder, if you fail this test, I'm going to sue you. Now, Gelder, if you fail today, you can take it again tomorrow. I can't fail. I have a date with Paula tonight. We're picnicking. Well, let's break up this picnicking. I want to see how well you can park. Oh, I'm good at parking. There's a spot. Gelder, quiet, Judge, I'm parking. But I think you should know... I know how to back into a parking space quiet. But Gelder... Quiet, Judge! All right. There, Sergeant. What do you think? Look out my window and tell me what you think. Uh, you went... Zeech fire plug. When did I drop more... Nothing like the... You're turning a riot of color. Look at those pumpkins over there in the field. The countryside is gorgeous. I'm so glad you've got this drive. Well, I used my noodle once in a while. And you were sweet to invite Leroy and Babs to come with us. Yeah, that's me. Sweet. Of course, it came as a little surprise to me. After you raved last night about not wanting Leroy to always tag along. Say, here's an intersection coming up. Stop sign. When we come to a stop sign, we put out our hand and stop. Just 30 seconds. You like chicken salad, then try this unusually delicious variation. Add drained canned pineapple chunks to that salad. It's wonderful. And to be sure your pineapple chicken salad is at its best. Make it with a truly fine salad dressing. Miracle Whip salad dressing. Miracle Whip has a perfect peppy flavor all its own. A flavor you won't find in any other salad dressing. Get a jar of delicious, different tasting Miracle Whip tomorrow. See what wonderful things it can do for your salad. The one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. Hey, Miss Gilsleeve. Good morning, birdie. You had a nice time last night? Sure did, didn't we? Oh, yes. Great. There's your baby and an egg, Leroy. What you gonna have, Miss Gilsleeve? Just bring me some carrots, birdie. Carrots? Yep. I'm gonna sharpen up my eyesight. I've joined the ground observer corps. See those planes better when they go over. Why don't you stick some carrots in your ears? Maybe you can hear them better. Well, I should think so. The ground observer corps is a mighty important thing. They help the radar boys to watch for unidentified planes. Folks, this is a vital service that you can do for your country right now. The ground observer corps needs volunteers, men and women, all ages. It only takes a few hours a week, and by George you'll be doing a big part in helping to guard our country. Phone or write your nearest civil defense center. Don't put it off. Do it now. Good night. See you next week. The show is written by John Elliott and Andy White. It'll be partially transcribed. Included in the cast are Walter Cutley, Jean Bates, Lillian Randolph, Bob Bruce, Earl Ross and Dick LeGrand. Musical compositions by Jack Neakin. It's John Heaston saying good night for the craft foods company, makers of the famous line of craft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of The Great Gildersleeve. There are two kinds of delicious craft prepared mustard. Mild craft mustard, so smooth and delicately spiced, and craft mustard with snappy horseradish added. And whichever you prefer, remember, when you add a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. Try it on cold sandwiches, hamburgers, frankfurters and cold cuts. Enjoy the wonderful sauces you can make for hot meat and vegetable courses with craft prepared mustard. Keep both kinds on hand and keep the whole family happy. Get mild craft mustard and craft mustard with snappy horseradish added at your favorite food store. Tonight, you bet your life returns to NBC.