 Section 6 of the Anatomy of Mellon Collie, Volume 1. The Anatomy of Mellon Collie, Volume 1 by Robert Burton, Section 6. If these reasons do not satisfy thee, good reader, as Alexander Munificus, that bountiful prelate, sometimes Bishop of Lincoln, when he had built six castles, add in Widiam operis Eloendam, sayeth Mr Camden, to take away the envy of his work, which very words, nubragensis hath of Roger, the rich bishop of Salisbury, who in King Stephen's time built sherban castle, and that of devises, to divert the scandal or imputation, which might be then inferred, built so many religious houses. If this, my discourse, be over-medicinal, or savor too much of humanity, I promise thee that I will hereafter make the amends in some treatise of divinity. But this, I hope, shall suffice, when you have more fully considered of the matter of this, my subject, rem substratum, Mellon Collie, Madness, and of the reasons following, which were my chief motives, the generality of the disease, the necessity of the cure, and the commodity, or common good, that will arise to all men by the knowledge of it, as shall at large appear in the ensuing preface. And I doubt not, but that, in the end, you will say to me, that to anatomise this humour aright, through all the members of this, our microcosmus, is as great a task as to reconcile those chronological errors in the Assyrian monarchy, find out the quadrature of a circle, the creeks and sounds of the northeast, or northwest, passages, and all out as good a discovery as that hungry Spaniards of Terra Australis incognita, as great trouble as to perfect the motion of Mars and Mercury, which so crucifies our astronomers, or to rectify the Gregorian calendar. I am so affected for my part, and hope, as Theophrastus did by his characters, that our posterity, O friend Polyclis, shall be the better for this which we have written, by correcting and rectifying what is amiss in themselves by our examples, and applying our precepts and cautions to their own use. And as that great captain Jishka would have a drum made of his skin when he was dead, because he thought the very noise of it would put his enemies to flight, I doubt not, but these following lines, when they shall be recited, or hereafter read, will drive away melancholy, though I be gone, as much as Jishka's drum could terrify his foes. Yet one caution let me give by the way to my present or my future reader, who is actually melancholy, that he read not the symptoms or prognostics in this following tract, lest by applying that which he reads to himself, aggravating, appropriating things generally spoken to his own person, as melancholy men for the most part do, he trouble or hurt himself, and get in conclusion more harm than good. I advise them therefore warily to peruse that tract, lapide's loquitur, so said a gripper, et caeant lectores ne carebrum iis excutiat, the rest I doubt not they may securely read and to their benefit, but I am overtidious, I proceed. Of the necessity and generality of this, which I have said, if any man doubt, I shall desire him to make a brief survey of the world, as Cyprian advises Donut, supposing himself to be transported to the top of some high mountain, and thence to behold the tumults and chances of this wavering world, he cannot choose but either laugh at or pity it. St Huron, out of a strong imagination, being in the wilderness, conceived with himself that he then saw them dancing in Rome, and if thou shalt either conceive or climb to sea, thou shalt soon perceive that all the world is mad, that it is melancholy, dotes, that it is which epichthonius cosmopolitis, expressed not many years since in a map, made like a fool's head, with that motto, caput heliborodignum, a crazed head, caea stultorum, a fool's paradise, or as Apollonius, a common prison of gulls, cheaters, flatterers, et cetera, and needs to be reformed. Strabo, in the ninth book of his geography, compares Greece to the picture of a man which comparison of his, Nicolaus gerbellius, in his exposition of Sofianus' map, approves. The breast lies open from those acrocharonian hills in Epirus to the Sunian promontory in Attica. Pagai and Megaira are the two shoulders, that isthmus of Corinth, the neck, and Peloponnesus, the head. If this illusion hold, tis sure a mad head, Morea may be Moria, and to speak what I think, the inhabitants of modern Greece swerve as much from reason and true religion at this day, as that Morea doth from the picture of a man. Examine the rest in like sort, and you shall find that kingdoms and provinces are melancholy, cities and families, all creatures, vegetal, sensible, and rational, that all sorts, sects, ages, conditions, are out of tune, as in Sibi's table, omnes erorum bibunt. Before they come into the world, they are intoxicated by eras cup, from the highest to the lowest have need of physics, and those particular actions in Seneca, where father and son prove one another mad, may be general. Porcius Latro shall plead against us all, for indeed, who is not a fool, melancholy, mad? Queen Il Molitorineptae, who is not brain-sick? Folly, melancholy, madness, arbat one disease, delirium is a common name to all. Alexander, Gordonius, Jason Pratensis, Savanorola, Guianarius, Montaltus, confound them as differing Secundum Magisetminus, Sodath David, Psalmus 37.5. I said unto the fools, deal not so madly, and twas an old stoical paradox, omnes stultos insanire, all fools are mad, though some madder than others. And who is not a fool, who is free from melancholy, who is not touched more or less in habit or disposition? If in disposition ill dispositions beget habits, if they persevere, saith Plutarch, habits either are or turn to diseases. Tis the same which Tully maintains in the second of his Tuscalans, omnium incipientum animi in morbosunt, et pertur vatorum. Fool's are sick, and all that are troubled in mind, for what is sickness, but as Gregory Tholossanus defines it, a dissolution or perturbation of the bodily league which health combines, and who is not sick or ill-disposed, in whom doth not passion, anger, envy, discontent, fear, and sorrow reign? Who labours not of this disease? Give me but a little leave, and you shall see by what testimonies, confessions, arguments I will evince it, that most men are mad, that they had as much need to go a pilgrimage to the Antichai, as in Strabo's time they did, as in our days they run to Compostela, Our Lady of Sycambe, or Loretta, to seek for help. That it is like to be as prosperous a voyage as that of Guyana, and that there is much more need of Helibor than of Tobacco. That men are so misaffected, melancholy, mad, giddy-headed, hear the testimony of Solomon, Ecclesiastes 2, 12, and I turn to behold wisdom, madness, and folly, etc. and verse 23, all his days are sorrow, his travel grief, and his heart taketh no rest in the night. So that take melancholy in what sense you will, properly or improperly, in disposition or habit, for pleasure or for pain, dotage, discontent, fear, sorrow, madness, for part or all, truly or metaphorically, it is all one. Laughter itself is madness, according to Solomon, and as St. Paul hath it, worldly sorrow brings death. The hearts of the son of men are evil, and madness is in their hearts while they live. Ecclesiastes 9, 3. Wise men themselves are no better. Ecclesiastes 1, 18. In the multitude of wisdom is much grief, and he that increases wisdom increases sorrow. Chapter 2, 17. He hated life itself, nothing pleased him. He hated his labour, all, as he concludes, his sorrow, grief, vanity, vexation of spirit. And though he were the wisest man in the world, sanctuaryum sapientii, and had wisdom in abundance, he will not vindicate himself or justify his own actions. Surely I am more foolish than any man and have not the understanding of a man in me. Proverbs 32. Be they Solomon's words or the words of Agur, the son of Jacque, they are canonical. David, a man after God's own heart, confesses as much of himself. Psalm 37, 21, 22. So foolish was I and ignorant I was even as a beast before thee, and condemns all for fools. Psalm 93, 32, 9, 49, 20. He compares them to beasts, horses, and mules, in which there is no understanding. The apostle Paul accuseth himself, in like sort, to Corinthians 9, 21. I would you would suffer a little my foolishness. I speak foolishly. The whole head is sick, saith Isaiah, and the heart is heavy. Chapter 1, 5. It makes lighter of them than of oxen and asses. The ox knows his owner, et cetera. Read Deuteronomy 32, 6. Jeremiah 4, Amos 3, 1. Ephesians 5, 6. Be not mad, be not deceived, foolish Galatians. Who hath bewitched you? How often are they branded with this epithet of madness and folly? No word so frequent amongst the fathers of the church and divines. You may see what an opinion they had of the world, and how they valued men's actions. I know that we think far otherwise, and hold them most part wise men that are in authority, princes, magistrates, rich men. They are wise men born. All politicians and statesmen must needs be so, for who dare speak against them? And on the other, so corrupt is our judgment, we esteem wise and honest men fools. Which, Democritus well signified in an epistle of his to Hippocrates, the Abderites account virtue madness, and so do most men living. Shall I tell you the reason of it? Fortune and virtue, wisdom and folly, their seconds, upon a time contended in the Olympics. Every man thought that fortune and folly would have the worst, and pitted their cases, but it fell out otherwise. Fortune was blind, and cared not where she stroked, nor whom, without laws, audabatarum instar, etc. Folly, rash and inconsiderate, esteemed as little what she said or did. Virtue and wisdom gave place, where he stout and exploded by the common people. Folly and fortune admired, and so are all their followers ever since. Naves and fools commonly fare and deserve best in worldling's eyes and opinions. Many good men have no better fate in their ages. Achish, 1 Samuel, 21, 14, held David for a madman. Elisha and the rest were no otherwise esteemed. David was derided of the common people. Psalm 9, 7, I am become a monster to many, and generally we are accounted fools for Christ. 1 Corinthians, 14, we fools thought his life madness, and his end without honour. Christ and his apostles were censured in like sort. John 10, Mark 3, Acts 26, and so were all Christians in Pliny's time. Fueront et alii, similis dementii, etc. and called not long after, vesaniae septatores, eversores hominem, polutinovatores, fanatici, canes, malefici, whenefiki, galilei homunciones, etc. Tis an ordinary thing with us to account honest, devout, orthodox, divine, religious, plain-dealing men, idiots, asses that cannot or will not lie and disemble, shift, flatter, or accommodate at any place you are. Make good bargains, supplant, thrive, patronis inseruire, solene, ascended, modus, apprehendere, leges, morees, consuetudines, recti observare, candidae laudare, fortitare, defendere, sententias, amplecti, dubitare, de nullus, credere omnia, acipre omnia, nihil reprehendere, caiterakue, quai promotionem ferunt et securitatem, quai sine ambaghe felikem, reddunt hominem, edwere sapientem apunos, that cannot temperise, as other men do, hand and take bribes, etc., but fear God, and make a conscience of their doings. But the Holy Ghost that knows better how to judge, he calls them fools. The fool hath said in his heart, Psalm 53.1, and their ways utter their folly, Psalm 49.14, for what can be more mad than for a little worldly pleasure to procure unto themselves eternal punishment, as Gregory and others inculcate unto us? Yea, even all those great philosophers the world hath ever had in aberration, whose works we do so much esteem, that gave precepts of wisdom to others, inventors of arts and sciences, Socrates, the wisest man of his time by the oracle of Apollo, whom his two scholars, Plato and Xenophon, so much extol and magnify with those honourable titles, best and wisest of all mortal men, the happiest and most just, and at Alcibiades incomparably commends him. Achilles was a worthy man, but Brassides and others were as worthy as himself, and Tina and Nesta were as good as Pericles, and so of the rest. But none present before or after Socrates, Nemo, Wetteram, Neque, Eoram, Quinunxunt, were ever such, will match or come near him. Those seven wise men of Greece, those Britain Druids, Indian, Brachmani, Ethiopian, Gymnosephist, Magi of the Persians, Apollonius, of whom Philistratus, known doctors, said Natus Sapiens, wise from his cradle, Epicurus, so much admired by his scholar Lucretius, Quigenus umanum ingenius superawit, et omnes, pestrinxit stela, sexortus utisereus sol, whose wits excelled the wits of men as far as the sun rising doth obscure a star, or that so much renownid in Pericles, ut wix umana widiatur stirpe creatus. All those of whom we read such hyperbolical eulogiums, as of Aristotle, that he was wisdom itself in the abstract, a miracle of nature, breathing libraries as Unapius of Longinus, lights of nature, giants for wit, quintessence of wit, divine spirits, eagles in the clouds, fallen from heaven, gods, spirits, lamps of the world, dictators, nula ferant talem, cycla futura virum, monarchs, miracles, superintendents of wit and learning, occianos, phoenix, atlas, monstrum, portentum hominis, orbes universi mosaium, ultimus umana natura donatus, natura maritus, maritou qui doctior orbes submissis defert faschibus imperium. As alien rate of Protagoras and Gorgias, we may save them all, tantum as apientibus abfueront quantum aviris pueri, they were children in respect, infants, not eagles, but kites, novices, illiterate, unuquii, sapientii, and although they were the wisest and most admired in their age, as he censured Alexander I do them. There were ten thousand in his army as worthy captains, had they been in place of command as valiant as himself, there were myriads of men wiser in those days, and yet all short of what they ought to be. Lactantius, in his book of wisdom, proves them to be dizzards, fools, asses, madmen, so full of absurd and ridiculous tenets and brain-sick positions that to his thinking, never any old woman or sick person doted worse. Democratus took all from leuquipus and left, saith he, the inheritance of his folly to epicurus, insani enti dum sapientii, etc. The like he holds of Plato, Aristipus, and the rest, making no difference betwixt them and beasts, saving that they could speak. Theodorette, in his tract de curatione greicarum affectionum, manifestly evinces as much of Socrates, whom, though that Oracle of Apollo confirmed to be the wisest man then living, and saved him from plague, whom two thousand years have admired, of whom some will as soon speak evil as of Christ, yet, rewera, he was an illiterate idiot, as Aristophanes calls him. Iris scoret ambitiosus, as his master Aristotle terms him, scura aticus, as Zeno, an enemy to all arts and sciences, as Atheneus, to philosophers and travellers, an opinionative ass, a cavila, a kind of pedant, for his manners, as Theodorette Sirensis describes him a sodomite, an atheist, so convict by Anitus, iracundus et eblius, dicax, etc., a pot companion, by Plato's own confession, a sturdy drinker, and that of all others he was most soughtish, a very madman, in his actions and opinions. Pythagoras was part philosopher, part magician, or part witch. If you desire to hear more of Apollonius, a great wise man, sometime paralleled by Julian the Apostate to Christ, I'll refer you to that learned tract of Eusebius, against Theorocles, and for them all, to Lucians, Piscator, Icaromenipus, Nechiumantia. Their actions, opinions in general, were so prodigious, absurd, ridiculous, which they broached and maintained. Their books and elaborate treatises were full of dotage, which Tully had Atticum long since observed. Delirante plerunque scriptores in Librisuis, their lives being opposite to their words. They commended poverty to others and were most covetous themselves, extolled love and peace and yet persecuted one another with virulent hate and malice. They could give precepts for verse and prose, but not a man of them, who tells them home, could moderate his affections. Their music did show us Flableis modus, etc., how to rise and fall, but they could not so contain themselves as in adversity, not to make a lamentable tone. They will measure ground by geometry, set down limits, divide and subdivide, but yet cannot prescribe quantum hominisatis or keep within compass and reason and discretion. They can square circles, but understand not the state of their own souls, describe bright lines and crooked, etc., but know not what is right in this life. Quid in vita rectum sit ignorant. So that, as he said, neschio an antichyram ratio ilis destinet omnim, I think all the antichyri will not restore them to their wits. If these men now held Zenodotus's heart, crates his liver, epictetus his lantern, were so sottish and had no more brains than so many beetles, what shall we think of the commonality? What of the rest? Yea, but you will infer that is true of heathens if they be conferred with Christians 1 Corinthians 3 19 The wisdom of this world is foolishness with God, earthly and devilish as James calls it. 3 15 They were vain in their imaginations and their foolish heart was full of darkness. Romans 1 21 22 When they professed themselves wise became fools. Their witty works are admired here on earth, whilst their souls are tormented in hellfire. In some sense, christiani crassiani, Christians are crassians but to that wisdom no better than fools. 2 Quisest sapiens solus deus Pythagoras replies God is only wise. Romans 16 Paul determines only good as Austin well contends and no man living can be justified in his sight. God looked down from heaven upon the children of men to see if any did understand. But all are corrupt. Romans 3 12 None do with good. No, not one. Job aggravates this. 4 18 Behold, he found no steadfastness in his servants and laid folly upon his angels. 19 How much more on them that dwell in houses of clay? In this sense, we are all fools and the scripture alone is Arx Minerwai. We and our writings are shallow and imperfect. But I do not so mean. Even in our ordinary dealings we are no better than fools. All our actions, as Pliny told Trajan, are braiders of folly. Our whole course of life is but matter of laughter. We are not soberly wise and the world itself which ought at least to be wise by reasons of his antiquity as Hugo de Prato Florida Semper stultisat is every day more foolish than other. The more it is whipped, the worse it is and as a child will still be crowned with roses and flowers. We are apish in it assiny bepedes and every place is full in wheresorum apuleorum of metamorphosed and two-legged asses in wheresorum selenorum childish unabimuli tremula patristo mienti sinulna. Giovianus Pontanus Antonio Dile brings in some laughing at an old man that by reason of his age was a little fond. But as he admonished there Nae mireres mi hospes de hoaxene Marvel not at him only for Tota hae kiwitas delirium All our town don'ts in like sort of a company of fools. Ask not with him in the poet Larwai hunk intemperiae insani aeque agitan senem what madness ghosts this old man but what madness ghosts us all. For we are ad unum omnes all mad. Semel insaniwimus omnes not once but always so. Et semel et simul et semper eva and all together as bad as he. And not senex bispuer delira annus but say it of us all. Semperpuere young and old all doubt as lactantius proves out of Seneca and no difference betwixtus and children saving that mayora ludimus et grandioribus pupis they play with babies of clouts and such toys we sport with greater baubles we cannot accuse or condemn one another being faulty ourselves deliramenta locuereis you talk idly or as mitio upprated de mea insanis alferte for we are as mad our own selves and it is hard to say which is the worst nay tis universally so we tam regit fortuna sapientia and of section six section seven of the anatomy of melancholy volume one this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for further information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org the anatomy of melancholy volume one by Robert Burton section seven democratus junior to the reader part five when Socrates had taken great pains to find out a wise man and to that purpose had consulted with philosophers, poets, artificers he concludes all men were fools and though it procured him both anger and much envy yet in all companies he would openly profess it Socrates in Pontanus had traveled all over Europe to confer with a wise man he returned at last without his errand and could find none Caden concurs with him view there are for ought I can perceive well in their wits so doth tully I see everything to be done foolishly and unadvisedly Ilesinistrosum heek dextrosum unus utrique eror said warii siludit partibus omnes one reels to this another to that wall tis the same error that deludes them all they don't all but not alike not in the same kind one is covetous a second lascivious a third ambitious a fourth envious etc as damasipus the stoic hath well illustrated in the poet decipient omnes aque act too and they who call you fall with equal claim may plead an ample title to the name tis an inbred malady in every one of us there is seminarium stiltitiae a seminary of folly which if it be stirred up your head will run in infinitum and infinitely varies as we ourselves are severally addicted saith balthasar castileo and cannot so easily be rooted out it takes such fast hold as tally holds al-ta'i radicaes stiltitiae so we are bred and so we continue some say there be two main defects of wit error and ignorance to which all others are reduced by ignorance we know not things necessary by error we know them falsely ignorance is a privation error a positive act from ignorance comes vice from error heresy etc but make how many kinds you will divide and subdivide few men are free or that do not impinge on some one kind or other seek plerunque agitat stiltos in skitia as he that examines his own and other men's actions shall find Karon in Lucian as he wittily feigns was conducted by Mercury to such a place where he might see all the world at once after he had sufficiently viewed and looked about Mercury would needs know of him what he had observed he saw a vast multitude and a promiscuous their habitations like molehills the men as emits he could discern cities like so many hives of bees wherein every bee had a sting and they did not else but sting one another some domineering like hornets bigger than the rest some like fielching wasps others as drones over their heads were hovering a confused company of perturbations hope fear, anger, avarice ignorance etc and a multitude of diseases hanging which they still pulled on their pates some were brawling some fighting riding, running, solicite ambientes, calidae litigantes for toys and trifles and such momentary things their towns and provinces mere factions against poor, poor against rich nobles against artifices they against nobles and so the rest in conclusion he condemned them all for madmen fools, idiots, asses oh, stulti quinam high-kester, mentia oh, fools, oh madmen he exclaimed insana studia insani labores etc mad endeavors, mad actions mad, mad, mad oh, cyclum incipiens et infacatum a giddy headed age heraclitus the philosopher out of a serious meditation of men's lives fell a weeping and with continual tears bewailed their misery madness and folly democratus on the other side burst out a laughing their whole life seemed to him so ridiculous and he was so far carried with this ironical passion that the citizens of Abdera took him to be mad and sent therefore ambassadors to Hippocrates, the physician that he would exercise his skill upon him but the story is set down at large by Hippocrates in his epistle to Damogatus which, because it is not impertinent to this discourse I will insert verbatim almost as it is delivered by Hippocrates himself with all the circumstances belonging unto it when Hippocrates was now come to Abdera the people of the city came flocking about him some weeping, some entreating of him that he would do his best after some little repast he went to see democratus the people following him whom he found, as before in his garden in the suburbs all alone, sitting upon a stone under a plain tree without hose or shoes with a book on his knees cutting up several beasts and busy at his study the multitude stood gazing round about to see the congress Hippocrates, after a little pause saluted him by his name whom he resoluted ashamed almost that he could not call him likewise by his or that he had forgot it Hippocrates demanded of him what he was doing he told him that he was busy in cutting up several beasts to find out the cause of madness and melancholy Hippocrates commended his work admiring his happiness and leisure and why quoth democratus have not you that leisure because, replied Hippocrates domestic affairs hinder necessary to be done for ourselves, neighbours, friends expenses, diseases frailties and mortalities which happen wife, children, servants and such business which deprive us of our time at this speech democratus profusely laughed his friends and the people standing by weeping in the meantime and lamenting his madness Hippocrates asked the reason why he laughed he told him at the vanities and the phopperies of the time to see men so empty of all virtuous actions to hunt so far after gold having no end of ambition to take such infinite pains for a little glory and to be favoured of men to make such deep minds into the earth for gold and many times to find nothing with loss of their lives and fortunes some to love dogs others horses some to desire to be obeyed in many provinces and yet themselves will know no obedience some to love their wives dearly at first and after a while to forsake and hate them begetting children with much care and cost for their education yet when they grow to man's estate to despise, neglect and leave them naked to the world's mercy do not these behaviours express their intolerable folly when men live in peace they covet war detesting this, deposing kings and advancing others in their stead murdering some men to beget children of their wives how many strange humours are in men when they are poor and needy they seek riches and when they have them they do not enjoy them but hide them underground or else wastefully spend them oh wise hypocriteys I laugh at such things being done but much more when no good comes of them and when they are done to so ill purpose there is no truth or justice found amongst them for they daily plead one against another the son against the father and the mother brother against brother kindred and friends of the same quality and all this for riches whereof after death they cannot be possessors and yet notwithstanding they will defame and kill one another commit all unlawful actions condemning God and men friends and country they make great account of many senseless things esteeming them as a great part of their treasure statues, pictures and such like movables dearbought and so cunningly wrought as nothing but speech wanteth in them and yet they hate living persons speaking to them others affect difficult things if they dwell on firm land they will remove to an island and thence to land again being no way constant to their desires they commend courage and strength in wars and let themselves be conquered by lust and avarice they are in brief as disordered in their minds as the sighties was in his body and now me thinks almost worthy hypocrites you should not reprehend my laughing perceiving so many fooleries in men for no man will mock his own folly but that which he seeeth in a second and so they justly mock one another the drunkard calls him a glutton whom he knows to be sober many men love the sea others husbandry briefly they cannot agree in their own trades and professions much less in their lives and actions when hypocrites heard these words so readily uttered without premeditation to declare the world's vanity full of ridiculous contrariety he made answer that necessity compelled men to many such actions and diverse wills ensuing from divine permission that we might not be idle being nothing is so odious to them as sloth and negligence besides men cannot foresee future events in this uncertainty of human affairs they would not so marry if they could foretell the causes of their dislike and separation or parents if they knew the hour of their children's death so tenderly provide for them or an husbandman so if he thought there would be no increase or a merchant adventure to see if he foresaw a shipwreck or be a magistrate if presently to be deposed alas worthy democratis every man hopes the best and to that end he doth it for no such cause or ridiculous occasion of laughter democratis hearing this poor excuse laughed again aloud perceiving he wholly mistook him and did not well understand what he had said concerning perturbations and tranquillity of the mind in so much that if men would govern their actions by discretion and providence they would not declare themselves fools as now they do they should have no cause of laughter but quoth he they swell in this life as if they were immortal and demigods for want of understanding it were enough to make them wise if they would but consider the mutability of this world and how it wheels about nothing being firm and sure he that is now above tomorrow is beneath he that sat on this side today tomorrow is hurled on the other and not considering these matters they fall into many inconveniences and troubles coveting things of no profit and thirsting after them tumbling headlong into many calamities so that if men would attempt no more than what they can bear they should lead contented lives and learning to know themselves would limit their ambition they would perceive then that nature hath enough without seeking such superfluities and unprofitable things which bring nothing with them but grief and molestation as a fat body is more subject to diseases so are rich men to absurdities and fooleries to many casualties and cross inconveniences there are many that take no heed what happeneth to others by bad conversation and therefore overthrow themselves in the same manner through their own fault not foreseeing dangers manifest these are things all more than mad quoth he that give me matter of laughter by suffering the pains of your impurities as your avarice envy, malice enormous villainies, mutinies unsatiable desires conspiracies and other incurable vices besides your dissimulation and hypocrisy bearing deadly hatred one to the other and yet shadowing it with a good face flying out into all filthy lusts and transgressions of all laws both of nature and civility many things which they have left off after a while they fall to again husbandry, navigation and leave again fickle and inconstant as they are when they are young they would be old and old, young princes commend a private life private men itch after honour a magistrate commends a quiet life a quiet man would be in his office and obeyed as he is and what is the cause of all this but that they know not themselves some delight to destroy one to build another to spoil one country to enrich another and himself in all these things they are like children in whom is no judgement or council and resemble beasts saving that beasts are better than they as being contented with nature when shall you see a lion hide gold in the ground or a bull contend for better pasture when a boar is thirsty he drinks what will serve him and no more and when his belly is full ceaseeth to eat but men are immoderate in both as in lust they covet carnal copulation at set times men always ruinating thereby the health of their bodies and doth it not deserve laughter to see an amorous fool to mend himself for a wench weep howl for a misshapen slut a dowdy sometimes that might have his choice of the finest beauties is there any remedy for this in physics I do anatomise and cut up these poor beasts to see these distempers vanities and follies yet such proof were better made on man's body if my kind nature would endure it who from the hour of his birth is most miserable, weak and sickly when he sucks he is guided by others when he has grown great practiceth unhappiness and is sturdy and when old a child again and repenteth him of his life past and here being interrupted by one that brought books he fell to it again that all were mad, careless, stupid to prove my former speeches look into courts or private houses judges give judgment according to their own advantage doing manifest wrong to poor innocence to please others notaries alter sentences and for money lose their deeds some make false monies other counterfeit false weights some abuse their parents yay corrupt their own sisters others make long libels and pasquels defaming men of good life and extoll such as are lewd and vicious some rob one some another magistrates make laws against thieves and are the various thieves themselves some kill themselves others despair not obtaining their desires some dance sing, laugh, feast and banquet whilst others sigh languish, mourn and lament having neither meat, drink nor clothes some prank up their bodies and have their minds full of execrable vices some trot about to bear false witness and say anything for money and though judges know of it yet for a bribe they wink at it and suffer false contracts to prevail against equity women are all day addressing the pleasure other men abroad and go like sluts at home not caring to please their own husbands whom they should seeing men are so fickle so sottish, so intemperate why should not I laugh at those to whom folly seems wisdom will not be cured and perceive it not it grew late Hippocrates left him and no sooner was he come away but all the citizens came about flocking to know how he liked him he told them in brief that notwithstanding those small neglects of his attire, body, diet the world had not a wiser a more learned, a more honest man and they were much deceived to say that he was mad thus Democritus esteemed of the world in his time and this was the cause of his laughter and good cause he had Olem jure quidem nunc plus Democriti ride quin ridez wita hike nunc magae radiculast Democritus did well to laugh of old good cause he had but now much more this life of ours is more ridiculous than that of his or long before and of section seven of the anatomy of melancholy volume one this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for further information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org the anatomy of melancholy volume one by Robert Burton section eight Democritus jr to the reader part six never so much cause of laughter as now never so many fools and madmen it is not one Democritus will serve turn to laugh in these days we have now need of a Democritus to laugh at Democritus one jester to flaut at another one fool to fleer at another a great stentorian Democritus as big as that rodian colossus for now as Salis Buriensis said in his time totus mundus histrionem agit the whole world plays the fool we have a new theatre a new scene a new comedy of errors a new company of personate actors Wolupii Sackler as Calcogninus willingly feigns in his apologues are celebrated all the world over where all the actors were madmen and fools and every hour changed habits or took that which came next he that was a mariner today is an apothecary tomorrow a smith one while a philosopher another in his Wolupii Ludis a king now with his crown robes scepter attendants by and by drove a loaded ass before him like a carter etc if Democritus were alive now he should see strange alterations a new company of counterfeit wizards whifflers cumane asses maskers mummers painted puppets outside fantastic shadows gulls monsters giddy heads butterflies and so many of them are indeed if all be true that I have read for when Jupiter and Juno's wedding were solemnised of old the gods were all invited to the feast and many noble men besides amongst the rest came chrysalis a persian prince bravely attended rich in golden attires in gay robes with a majestical presence but otherwise an ass the gods seeing him come in such pomp and state rose up to give him place ex habitu hominem metientes but Jupiter perceiving what he was a light fantastic idle fellow turned him and his proud followers into butterflies and so they continue still for ought I know to the contrary roving about in pied coats and are called chrysalides by the wiser sort of men that is golden outsides drones and flies and things of no worth multitudes of such etc ubiquain wennies stultos awaros sycophantas prodigals many additions much increase of madness folly vanity should democrat's observe were he now to travel or could get leave of pluto to come see fashions as caron did in lucian to visit our cities of moronia pia and moronia felix sure I think he would break the rim of his belly with laughing siforat in terris redirect democrat's sue etc a satirical roman in his time this folly and madness were all at full see omnae in prikipiti wittium stated josephus the historian taxeth his countrymen jews for bragging of their vices publishing their follies and that they did contend among themselves who should be most notorious in villainies but we flow higher in madness far beyond them moxed arturi progenium and yet with crimes to us unknown our son shall mark the coming age their own and the latter end you know whose oracle it is is like to be worse it is not to be denied the world alters every day ruunt urbez regna transferuntur etc wariantur habitus leges inuantur as petrarch observes marriage, habits, laws, customs, manners but not vices not diseases not the symptoms of folly and madness they are still the same and as a river we see keeps the like name and place but not water and yet ever runs labitur et labaitur in omnae wallubilis ayum our times and persons alter vices are the same and ever will be look how nightingales sang of old cocks crowed, kind load sheep pleated, sparrows chirped dogs barked so they do still we keep our madness still play the fools still nectum finitus orestis we are of the same humours and inclinations as our predecessors were you shall find us all alike much at one we and our sons et natin atorum kuntur abilis and so shall our posterity continue to the last but to speak of times present if democratus were alive now and should but see the superstition of our age, our religious madness as meteran calls it religiosum insanium so many professed christians yet so few imitators of christ so much talk of religion so much science so little conscience so much knowledge so many preachers such variety of sects such have and hold of all sides obvia signe signa et cetera such absurd and ridiculous traditions and ceremonies if he should meet a cappuccine a franciscan a phariseical jesuit a manservant a shave-crowned monk in his robes a begging friar to depose kings with his foot to tread on emperors necks make them stand barefoot and bare-legged at his gates hold his bridle and stirrup up et cetera oh that peter and paul were alive to see this if he should observe a prince creep so devoutly to kiss his toe and those red-capped cardinals poor parish priests of old now prince's companion and his son now prince's companions what would he say kylem ipsum petitorstul titia had he met some of our devout pilgrims going barefoot to Jerusalem Our Lady of Loretto Rome Santiago St. Thomas's Shrine to creep to those counterfeit and maggot-heaton relics had he been present at mass and seen such kissing of paxis crucifixes, cringes, duckings floral attires and ceremonies pictures of saints, indulgences pardons, vigils, fasting feasts, crossing knocking, kneeling at Ave Maria's bells with many such yucunda rudi spectacula plebi praying in gibberish and mumbling of beads had he heard an old woman say her prayers in latin their sprinkling of holy water and going of procession in cadent monacorum in amile qui momarem vexilla cruques idolaque culta etc their breviaries, bulls hallowed beans, exorcisms pictures, curious crosses fables and baubles had he read the golden legend the Turks al-Quran or Jews Talmud the rabbins comments what would he have thought how dost thou think he might have been affected particularly examined at Jesuit's life amongst the rest he should have seen an hypocrite profess poverty and yet possess more goods and lands than many princes to have infinite treasures and revenues teach others to fast and play the gluttons themselves like watermen that row one way and look another foul virginity talk of holiness and yet indeed a notorious board and famous fornicator ascii wumpecos a very goat monks by profession such as give over the world and the vanities of it and yet a Machiavellian route interested in all manner of state holy men, peacemakers and yet composed of envy, lust ambition, hatred and malice firebrands adulter patriaipestis traitors, assassinats haki torad astra supererogate and merit heaven for themselves and others had he seen on the adverse side some of our nice and curious schismatics in another extreme abhor all ceremonies and rather lose their lives and livings than do or admit anything papists have formally used though in things indifferent they alone are the true church salterai cum sint omnium in saucissimi formalists out of fear and base flattery like so many weather cocks turn round a route of temporisers ready to embrace and maintain all that is or shall be proposed in hope of preferment another epicurian company lying at lurch as so many vultures watching for a prey of church goods and ready to rise by the downfall of any as Lucian said in like case what dust they'll think what status would have done had he been spectator of these things or had he but observed the common people follow like so many sheep one of their fellows drawn by the horns over a gap some for zeal, some for fear quo se conque rapid tempestas to credit all examine nothing and yet ready to die before they will endure any of those ceremonies to which they have been accustomed others out of hypocrisy and sermons, not their breasts turn up their eyes pretend zeal, desire, reformation and yet professed usurers gripers, monsters of men harpies, devils in their lives to express nothing else what would he have said to see, hear and read so many bloody battles so many thousands slain at once such streams of blood able to turn mills ornios ob noxan furiasque or to make sport for princes without any just cause for vain titles saith austin precedency, some wench or such like toy or out of desire of domineering vain glory, malice, revenge folly, madness goodly causes all ob quas un iversus orbis bellis et caidibus mischiator whilst statesmen themselves in the meantime are secure at home pampered with all delights and pleasures take their ease and follow their lusts not considering what intolerable misery poor soldiers endure their often wounds hunger, thirst, et cetera the lamentable cares, torments calamities and oppressions that accompany such proceedings they feel not take no notice of it so wars are begun by the persuasion of a few debauched, harebrained, poor disolute hungry captains parasitical fawners unquiet hot spurs restless innovators, green heads to satisfy one man's private spleen lust, ambition, avarice, et cetera tale's rapuant scelerata in pralia causae flos hominum proper men, well proportioned carefully brought up able both in body and mind sound so many beasts to the slaughter in the flower of their years pride and full strength without all remorse and pity sacrifice to Pluto killed up as so many sheep for devil's food 40,000 at once at once said I, that were tolerable but these wars last always and for many ages nothing so familiar as this hacking and hewing massacres, murders, desolations agnoto calum clangore remulgit they care not what mischief they procure so that they may enrich themselves for the present they will so long blow the coals of contention till all the world be consumed with fire the siege of Troy lasted 10 years 8 months they died 870,000 grecians 670,000 Trojans at the taking of the city and after were slain 276,000 men women and children of all sorts Caesar killed a million Muhammad the second Turk 300,000 persons Sikinius dentatus 1400 battles 8 times in single combat he overcame had 40 wounds before was rewarded with 140 crowns triumphed 9 times for his good service Marcus Sergius had 32 wounds Skywa the centurion I know not how many every nation had their hectors Scipios, Caesars and Alexanders our Edward the fourth was in 26 battles a foot and as they do all he glories in it it is related to his honour at the siege of Jerusalem 1,100,000 died with sword and famine at the battle of Canas 10,000 men were slain as Polybius records and as many at battle Abbey with us and tis no news to fight from son to son as they did as Constantine and Likinius etc at the siege of Ostend the devils academy a poor town in respect a small fort but a great grave 120,000 men lost their lives besides whole towns full of maimed soldiers there were engines, fireworks and whatsoever the devil could invent to do mischief with 2,500,000 iron bullets shot of 40 pounds weight 3 or 4 millions of gold consumed who, saith my author can be sufficiently amazed at their flinty hearts obstinacy, fury, blindness who without any likelihood of good success would be poor soldiers and lead them without pity to the slaughter which may justly be called the rage of furious beasts that run without reason upon their own deaths quismalus genius quifuria quipestis etc what fury brought so devilish so brutish a thing as war first into men's minds who made so soft and peaceable a creature born to love, mercy, meekness and rave, rage-like beasts and run on to their own destruction how may nature expostulate with mankind egotady weenum animal fingsy etc I made thee an harmless, quiet a divine creature how may God expostulate and all good men yet harem factor as one condoles tantum admirantur et herrom numero habent these are the brave spirits the gallants of the world these admired alone triumph alone, have statues crowns, pyramids, obelisks to their eternal fame but immortal genius attends on them when Rhodes was besieged fosae urbis cadaveribus replatae sunt the ditches were full of dead carcasses and as when the said Suleiman, great Turk beleaguered Vienna with the top of the walls this they make a sport of and will do it to their friends and confederates against oaths vows, promises, by treachery or otherwise dolos unwirtus, ques in hoste requirat, leagues and laws of arms, silent leges inter-arma for their advantage omnia yura, divina, humana procucata pleron quesun gods and men's laws are trampled underfoot, the sword alone determines all to satisfy their lust and spleen they cannot what they attempt say or do nothing so common as to have father fight against son brother against brother kinsman against kinsman kingdom against kingdom province against province christians against christians they fueront lycee of whom they never had offence in thought, word or deed infinite treasures consumed towns burned flourishing cities sacked and ruinated quod qu'animus me minisse horret good league countries depopulated and left desolate old inhabitants expelled trade and traffic decayed maids deflowered virgines nondum thalamis yugatae kingdom posities effaibii chaste matrons cry out with andromache concubitum mox cogar patieius qu'interremit hectorem they shall be compelled peraventure to lie with them that erst killed their husbands to see rich, poor, sick, sound, lords, servants aeodem omnes incomoromacti consumed, all or maimed et cetera et quiquid gauden skele animus audit et perversa menz saith Cyprian and whatsoever torment, misery mischief, hell itself the devil, fury and rage can invent to their own ruin and destruction so abominable a thing is war as gerbelius concludes ardeo foida et abominanda reis est belum exquohominum caides wa stationes et cetera the scourge of god was effect, fruit and punishment of sin and not tonsura humani generis as tertullian calls it but ruina had democrat has been present at the late civil wars in france those abominable wars bellacue martibus detestata where in less than ten years ten thousand men were consumed saith colignius twenty thousand churches overthrown nay, the whole kingdom subverted as richard denott adds so many myriads of the commons were butchered up with sword famine, war, tanto audio utrinque ut barbari ad aporendam lanienam obstupesquerent with such feral hatred the world was amazed at it at our late farsalian fields in the time of henry the sixth betwixt the houses of lancaster and york a hundred thousand men slain, one writes another ten thousand families were rooted out that no man can but marvel saith colignius at that barbarous immanity feral madness committed betwixt men of the same nation language and religion quis furor, all kiwis why do the gentiles so furiously rage saith the prophet david psalm two, one but we may ask so furiously rage arma wallunt, quare poscunt rapiunt queyuentus unfit for gentiles much less for us so to tyrannize as the spaniard in the west end is that killed up in forty-two years if we may believe Bartholomeus Akasa their own bishop twelve millions of men with stupend and exquisite torments neither should I lie said he if I said fifty millions I omit those French massacres Sicilian even-songs the Duke of Alva's tyrannize our gunpowder machinations and that fourth fury as one calls it the Spanish Inquisition which quite obscures those ten persecutions Cywip torto mars impius orbe is not this mundus furiosus a mad world as he terms it insanum belum as mad men as Scaliga concludes qui in pralio a kerba morte insaniai sui memoriam pro perpetuo teste relincunt posteritati which leaves so frequent battles as perpetual memorials of their madness to all succeeding ages would this, thank you, have enforced our democratus to laugh or rather made him turn his tune alter his tone and weep paraclitus or rather howl, roar and tear his hair in commiseration stand amazed or as the poets feign that Naiobi was for grief quite stupefied and turned to stone I have not yet said the worst that which is more absurd and mad in their tumults, seditions civil and unjust wars quod stulte suscipitur impie geritor misere finitur such wars I mean for all are not to be condemned as those fantastical and abaptists vainly conceive our christian tactics are all out as necessary as the roman achies or grecian phalanx to be a soldier is a most noble and honourable profession as the world is not to be spared they are our best walls and bulwarks and I do therefore acknowledge they to be most true all our civil affairs all our studies all our pleading, industry and commendation lies under the protection of warlike virtues and when so ever there is any suspicion of tumults all our arts cease wars are most behoveful et pelatores agricoli skibitati sunt utiliores as Tirius defends and Valar is much to be commended in a wise man but they mistake most part alfere, trukidare, rapere fausis nominibus virtutem woocant et cetera towards Galgarcus' observation in Tacitus they term theft, murder and rapine virtue by wrong name rapes, slaughters, massacres et cetera yocus et ludus are pretty pastimes as ludoicus weway's notes commonly call the most hair-brained bloodsuckers strongest thieves the most desperate villains treacherous rogues in human murderers rash, cruel and disillocatives courageous and generous spirits heroical and worthy captains brave men at arms valiant and renowned soldiers possessed with a brute persuasion of false honour as Pontus Hueter in his Burgundian history complains by means of which it comes to pass that daily so many volunteers offer themselves leaving their sweet wives children, friends for sixpence, if they can get it a day, prostitute their lives and limbs, desire to enter upon breeches lies sentinel perdue, give the first onset, stand in the forefront of the battle, marching bravely on with a cheerful noise of drums and trumpets such vigour and alacrity for many banners streaming in the air glittering armours, motions of plumes, woods of pikes and swords, variety of colours cost and magnificence as if they went in triumph now victors to the capital and with such pomp as when Darius's army marched to meet Alexander at Issus void of all fear they run into imminent dangers cannon's mouth, etc wrought will Neribus Sueis ferum hostium habitent saith Barletius to get a name of valour, humour and applause, which lasts not either, for it is but a mere flash this fame and like a rose intradiem unum extinguitor tis gone in an instant of fifteen thousand proletaries slain in a battle scarce fifteen are recorded in history, or one alone, the general perhaps and after a while his and their names are likewise blotted out the whole battle itself is forgotten, those Grecian orators Sumar we in Genii et eloquentii set out the renowned overthrows at Thermopylae, Salamis Marathon, Mikali Mantinia, Keronea, Platia the Romans record their battle at Canars and the Pharsalian fields but they do but record the scarce here of them and yet this supposed honour, popular applause desire of immortality by this means, pride and vain glory spur them on many times rashly and unadvisedly to make away themselves and multitudes of others Alexander was sorry because there were no more worlds for him to conquer, he is admired by some for it any more so walks we tour et regia to a spoken like a prince but as wise Seneca senses him, to us walks in quissima et stortissima to a spoken like a bedlam fool and that sentence which the same Seneca appropriates to his father, Philip and him, I apply to them all, known minores fuere pestes mortalium quam inundatio quam conflagratio quibus et cetera, they did as much mischief to mortal men as fire and water those merciless elements when they rage which is yet more to be lamented, they persuade them this hellish course of life is holy, they promise heaven to such as venture their lives bello sacro and that by these bloody wars as Persians, Greeks and Romans of old as modern Turks do now their commons to encourage them to fight if they die in the field, they go directly to heaven and shall be canonised for saints, oh diabolical invention put in the chronicles in perpetuum rei memoriam to their eternal memory when as in truth, as some hold it were much better since wars are the scourge of god for sin by which he punisheth mortal men's peevishness and folly such brutish stories were suppressed because, ad morum institutionem nihil habent they conduce not at all to manners or good life but they will have it thus nevertheless and so they put note of divinity upon the most cruel and pernicious plague of humankind adore such men with grand titles, degrees statues, images, honour applaud and highly reward them for their good service no greater glory than to die in the field so africanus is extolled by enius mars and hercules and I know not how many besides of old were deified went this way to heaven that were indeed bloody butchers wicked destroyers and troublers of the world prodigious monsters, hellhounds feral plagues, devourers common executioners of humankind as lactantius truly proves and Cyprian to Donat such as were desperate in wars and precipitately made away themselves like those Celts in Damasen with ridiculous valour ut de decorosum putarent moro venti seis obducere a disgraced runaway for a rotten wall now ready to fall on their heads such as will not rush on a sword's point or seek to shun a cannon-shot or base cowards and no valiant men by which means Mardet Orbis Mouto Sanguinay the earth-wallows in her own blood Savit Amorferi et Skellerati insaniabeli and for that which if it be done in private a man shall be rigorously executed and which is no less than murder itself if the same fact be done in public in wars it is called manhood and the party is honoured for it we measure all as Turks do by the event and most part as Cyprian notes one is crowned for that which another is tormented made a knight, a lord, an earl a great duke as a gripper notes for that which another should have hung in gibbits after the rest a poor sheep-stealer is hanged for stealing of vitals compelled by adventure by necessity of that intolerable cold hunger and thirst to save himself from starving but a great man in office may securely rob old provinces undo thousands pill and poll oppress ad libitum tyrannize enrich himself by spoils of the commons be uncontrollable in his actions and after all be recompensed with turgent titles honoured for his good service and no man may dare find fault or mutter at it and of section eight section nine of the anatomy of melancholy volume one this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for further information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org the anatomy of melancholy volume one by Robert Burton section nine democratus junior to the reader part seven how would our democratus have been affected to see a wicked caitiff or fool a very idiot a fudge a golden ass a monster of men to have many good men wise men, learned men to attend upon him with all submission as an appendix to his riches for that respect alone because he hath more wealth and money to honour him with divine titles and bombast epithets to smother him with fumes and eulogies whom they know to be a desert a fool a covetous wretch a beast etc because he is rich to see subexuiis leonis onagrum a filthy loathsome carcass a gorgon's head puffed up by parasites assume this unto himself glorious titles in worth an infant a human ass a painted sepulcher an egyptian temple to see a withered face a seized deformed cankered complexion a rotten carcass a viperous mind an epicurian soul set out with orient pearls jewels, diadems, perfumes curious elaborate works as proud of his clothes as a child of his new coats and a goodly person of an angel-like divine countenance a saint and humble mind a meat spirit begg and now ready to be starved to see a contemptible sloven in apparel ragged in his coat polite in speech of a divine spirit wise another neat in clothes spruce full of courtesy empty of grace wit talk nonsense to see so many lawyers advocates so many tribunals so little justice so little restraints so little care of common good so many laws yet never more disorders tribunal litium segatem the tribunal a labyrinth so many thousand suits in one court sometimes so violently followed to see in justisimum seipe jure precedentem impium religioni imperitisimum eruditioni monstrosum humanitati to see a lamb executed a wolf pronounced sentence lartro arraind and foor sit on the bench the judge severely punish others and do worse himself ayundem furtum facere et punire rapin amplectere cum sit ipsiraptor laws altered misconstrued interpreted pro and con as the judges made by friends brunner the judge is made by friends bribed or otherwise affected as a nose of wax good today, none tomorrow or firm in his opinion cast in his sentence prolonged, changed ad arbiterium eudicus still the same case one thrust out of his inheritance another falsely put in by favour false forged deeds or wills in kizai legeis negliguntor laws are made and not kept or if put in execution they be some silly ones that are punished as put case it be fornication the father will disinherit or abdicate his child quite cashier him out villain be gone cum no more in my sight a poor man is miserably tormented with loss of his estate perhaps goods, fortunes, good name forever disgraced forsaken and must do penance to the utmost a mortal sin and yet make the worst of it num quid ali would fake it saith traneo in the poet nisi quod faciunt sumis nati generibus he hath done no more than what gentlemen usually do neque noum neque mirum neque secus quam ali i solent for in a great person right worshipful sir a right honourable grandee tis not a venial sin no not a peccadillo tis no offence at all a common and ordinary thing no man takes notice of it he justifies it in public and peradventure brags of it num quad turpi bonis titio siocque dequebat crespinum for what would be base in good men titius and seus became crespinus many poor men younger brothers etc by reason of bad policy and idle education for they are likely brought up in no calling are compelled to beg or steal and then hanged for theft than which what can be more ignominious num minus anim turpi principi multa suplicia quam medico multa funera tis the governor's fault li bentius werbarant quam doce as schoolmasters do rather correct their pupils than teach them when they do a miss they had more need provide there should be no more thieves and beggars as they ought with good policy and take away the occasions than let them run on as they do to their own destruction root out likewise those causes of wrangling a multitude of lawyers and compose controversies lites lustrales et seculales paulines controversies lites lustrales et seculales by some more compendious means whereas now for every toy and trifle they go to law mugit litibus insanum forum et siwit in wekem discordantium rabies they are ready to pull out one another's throats and for commodity to squeeze blood say theerom out of their brother's heart defame, lie, disgrace backbite rail, bear false witness swear, foreswear fight and wrangle spend their goods, lives fortunes, friends and do one another to enrich and harpy advocate that praise upon them both and cries aia socrates or some corrupt judge that like the kite in eesop while the mouse and frog fought for me generally they pray one upon another as so many ravenous birds brute beasts devouring fishes no medium omnes heek out captantur out captant out kadawira kwae lakerantur out korwi kwi lakerant either deceive or be deceived tear others or be torn in pieces themselves like so many buckets in a well one riseth another falleth one's empty another's full his ruin is a ladder to the third such are our ordinary proceedings what's the market a place according to anacasis wherein they cousin one another a trap nay, what's the world itself a vast chaos a confusion of manners as fickle as the air norum a turbulent troop full of impurities a mart of walking spirits goblins the theatre of hypocrisy a shop of navery, flattery a nursery of villainy the scene of babbling the school of giddiness the academy of vice a warfare will be welles, norlis, pugnandum out winkas, out sukumbas in which kill or be killed by himself his private ends and stands upon his guard no charity, love, friendship fear of god, alliance, affinity consanguinity, christianity can contain them but if they be in any ways offended or that string of commodity be touched they fall foul old friends become bitter enemies on a sudden for toys and small offences and they that erst were willing all mutual offences of love and kindness now revile and persecute one another to death with more than vatinian hatred and will not be reconciled so long as they are behoveful they love, or may bested each other but when there is no more good to be expected as they do by an old dog hang him up and cashier him which Cato counts a great indicorum to use men like old shoes or broken glasses which are flung to the dung hill he could not find in his heart to sell an old ox much less to turn away an old servant but they instead of recompense revile him and when they have made him an instrument of their villainy as Bajazet the second emperor of the Turks did by Acomethis Bassa make him away or instead of reward hate him to death as Cilius was served by Tiberius in a word every man for his own ends our sumum bonum is commodity and the goddess we adore dea moneta to whom we daily offer sacrifice which steers our hearts hands, affections, all that most powerful goddess by whom we are reared depressed, elevated esteemed the sole commandress of our actions for which we pray ride, go, come, labour and contend as fishes do for a crumb that falleth into the water it's not worth virtue that's bonum teatrale wisdom, valour, learning honesty, religion or any sufficiency for which we are respected but money, greatness office, honour authority honesty is accounted folly navery, policy carried out of opinion not as they are but as they seem to be such shifting lying, cogging, plotting counter-plotting, temporizing nattering, cousining, dissembling that of necessity one must highly offend God if he be conformable to the world cretizare cum crete or else live in contempt disgrace and misery one takes upon him temperance, holiness austerity a third, an affected kind of simplicity when, as indeed, he and he and he and the rest are hypocrites ambidextors outsides, so many turning pictures a lion on the one side a lamb on the other how would democrates have been affected to see these things to see a man turn himself into all shapes like a chameleon or as Proteus omnia transforman seise in miracula rerum to act twenty parts and persons at once for his advantage to temperize and vary like Mercury the planet good with good bad with bad having a several face, garb and character for everyone he meets of all religions, humours, inclinations to form like a spaniel mentitis et mimiquis obsequis rage like a lion bark like a cur fight like a dragon sting like a serpent as meek as a lamb and yet again grin like a tiger weep like a crocodile insult over some and yet others domineer over him hear command there crouch tyrannize in one place be baffled in another a wise man at home a fool abroad to make others merry to see so much difference words and deeds so many parasangs betwixt tongue and heart men like stage players act variety of parts give good precepts to others so aloft while they themselves grovel on the ground to see a man protest friendship kiss his hand quen malet truncatum we dere smile with an intent to do mischief or cousin him who he salutes magnify his friend unworthy hyperbolical eulogiums his enemy albeit a good man to vilify and disgrace him yay all his actions with the utmost that liver and malice can invent to see a servant able to buy out his master him that carries the mace more worth than the magistrate which Plato absolutely forbids epictetus abhorus a horse that tills the land fed with chaff little jade have provinda in abundance him that makes shoes go barefoot himself him that sells meat almost pine a toiling drudge starve a drone flourish to see men by smoke for wears castles built with fools heads men like apes follow the fashion in tires gestures actions if the king laugh all laugh Rides mayore cacchino concutitor fletsi lacrimas conspexit amici Alexander stoop so did his courtiers Alphonsus turned his head and so did his parasites Sabina Popia Nero's wife wore amber coloured hair so did all the roman ladies in an instant her fashion was theirs to see men wholly led by affection admired and censored out of opinion without judgement a inconsiderate multitude like so many dogs in a village if one bark all bark without cause as fortunes fan turns if a man be in favour or commanded by some great one all the world applaud him if in disgrace in an instant all hate him and as at the sun when he is eclipsed that erst took no notice now gaze and stare upon him to see a man wear his brains in his belly his guts in his head and hundred oaks on his back to devour a hundred oxen at a meal name more to devour houses and towns or as those anthropophage to eat one another to see a man roll himself up like a snowball from base beggary to write worshipful and write honourable titles unjustly to screw himself into honours and offices another to starve his genius and his soul to gather wealth which he shall not enjoy which his prodigal son melts and consumes in an instant to see the cacodzelean of our times a man bend all his forces means, time, fortunes to be a favourites favourites favourites et cetera a parasites parasites parasite that may scorn the servile world as having enough already to see and her suit beggars brat that lately fed on scraps crept and whined crying to all and for an old jerkin ran of errands now ruffle in silken satin bravely mounted jovial and polite now scorn his old friends and familiars neglect his kindred insult over his betters domineer over all to see a scholar crouch and creep to an illiterate peasant for a meal's meat a governor better paid for an obligation a falconer received greater wages than a student a lawyer get more in a day than a philosopher in a year better reward for an hour than a scholar for a 12 month study him that can paint ties play on a fiddle, curl hair et cetera sooner get preferment than a philology or a poet to see a fond mother like esop's ape hug her child to death whittle, wink at his wife's honesty and too perspicuous in all other affairs one stumble at a straw and leap over a block rob peter and pay paul scrape unjust sums with one hand purchase great manners by corruption fraud and cousinage and liberally to distribute to the poor with the other give a remnant to pious uses et cetera penny wise, pound foolish blind man judge of colours wise men silent fools talk, find fault with others and do worse themselves denounce that in public which he doth in secret and which Aurelius Victor gives out of Augustus severely censure that in a third of which he is most guilty himself to see a poor fellow or an hired servant venture his life for his new master that will scarce give him his wages then a country collon, toil and moil till and drudge for a prodigal idle drone that devours all the gain or lasciviously consumes with fantastical expenses a noble man in a bravado to encounter death and for a small flash of honour to cast away himself a worldling tremble at an executor and yet not fear hellfire to wish and hope for immortality to desire to be happy and yet by all means avoid death a necessary passage to bring him to it to see a foolhardy fellow like those old Danes die rather than be punished in a sottish humour embrace death with alacrity yet scorn to lament his own sins and miseries or his clearest friends departures to see wise men degraded fools preferred one govern towns and cities and yet a silly woman overrules him at home commander-province and yet his own servants or children prescribe laws to him as the Mestercleese's son did in Greece what I will said he, my mother will and what my mother will my father doth to see horses riding a coach men draw it towers build masons children rule old men go to school women wear the breeches sheep demolish towns devour men et cetera and in a word the world turned upside downward all we wear at democratus to insist in every particular were one of Hercules's labours there's so many ridiculous instances as moats in the sun quantumast in reibos in nane how much vanity there is in things and who can speak of all Criminae Abunno disque omnes take this for a taste but these are obvious to sense trivial and well known easy to be discerned how would democratus have been moved had he seen the secrets of their hearts if every man had a window in his breast which momus would have had in Vulcan's man or that which Tully so much wished it were written in every man's forehead quid quiscuet de republica sentiret what he thought or that it could be affected in an instant which Mercury did by Caron in Lucian by touching of his eyes to make him discern semel et simul rumores et susurros space hominum caecas morbos wortum quelabores et pasim toto walletantes aetherecus blind hope and wishes their thoughts and affairs whispers and rumours and those flying cares that he could cubiculorum obductas foras recludere et secreta cordium penetrare which Cyprian desired open doors and locks shoot bolts as Lucian's gallested with a feather of his tail or Geige's invisible ring or some rare perspective glass or autacousticon which would so multiply speciese that a man might hear and see all at once as Martianus Capella's Jupiter did in a spear which he held in his hand which did present unto him all that was daily done upon the face of the earth observe cuckold's horns forgeries of alchemists the philosopher's stone new projectors et cetera and all those works of darkness foolish vows, hopes, fears and wishes what a deal of laughter would it have afforded he should have seen windmills in one man's head and hornets nest in another or had he been present with Icarum and Nippus in Lucian at Jupiter's whispering place and heard one pray for rain another for fair weather one for his wife's another for his father's death to ask that at God's hand which they are abashed any man should hear how would he have been confounded would he, think you, or any man else say that these men were well in their wits Haixani esse hominus quissanus euretorestis can all the helibor in the Antichyri cure these men no, sure, an acre of helibor will not do it end of section 9