 So, how do you know if you value yourself? We talk a lot about valuing yourself and how important it is on this channel a lot, and so today I'm going to be talking about nine different signs that show that you value yourself. So do you value yourself? I guess we'll find out here in just a second. Hello, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. If you want to get into a great relationship where you're seen and loved and valued and cherished, make sure that you go check out my site at theforeverwomanformula.com and sign up and get my program for free over there. Okay, so one of the things that I talk about a lot is value and how important it is to value yourself because of something that I call the law of belief transference. So the more certain that you are about something, then someone else is, the more likely it is that you're going to transfer your beliefs over to that person. So a saying that I also have is, she who is most certain always wins and so if you're really certain and you really know your value and you believe it in yourself, you will transfer that to whoever it is that you're talking to, the men, the women, whoever's around you that you're talking to. By the way, if you're here with us right now, make sure you say hi in the chat. It's really cool seeing all these women from all over the world watching these videos. Say hi and let us know where it is in the world you are. So what are the signs that you value yourself? The first one is that you assume attraction. And so the men that you meet, you just assume that they're attracted to you. The man you're with is attracted to you. You would be surprised if they're not, but you're not attached to whether they are or not. So it's not this entitlement thing. It's not this you should be thing. It's not this you gotta be thing or please be type of thing. But you assume that you're attractive. You assume that the people that you're with are attracted to you. The men that you're around are attracted to you. You assume that you're attractive. So number two is if someone isn't right for you, they treat you poorly, you walk away from them immediately. So you know that you deserve something better. You know that you deserve more than just being treated badly. And so you know that there are other men who are out there who will treat you better. And so you don't get caught up in just, does this one guy treat me really well or not? There's this one guy and I'm attracted to him and I like him. So I gotta make this thing work out with him, but he's treating me really badly. And so I gotta make it work with him anyway. How do I get him to start treating me better type of thing? You believe that you can get someone who treats you better. And so you're willing to quickly walk away from a situation where you're not being treated well. So number three is you know that sometimes people just aren't a match. And so you're not attached to things working out or not. That doesn't mean that you don't get sad when it doesn't work out, but you know that there's always a sunrise after a sunset. So you're not attached to anything necessarily being a match because it could be, it might not be. You're coming from this space of abundance. One of the things I talk about in the Forever Woman program. And so you're not attached to anything working out with anybody because you're not desperate, you're not clingy, you're not needing their validation, you're not needing their love, you're not needing them because you find your own value within yourself and you give that to yourself, you love yourself, you treat yourself well. And so you're not worried about something being a match or not with one other person who's out there. It could be, it might not be, you're not attached to it either way. Number four is you have, you set and you stick to your boundaries. So you don't let people walk all over you. If someone tries to break your boundaries, you firmly but kindly, right, the key emphasis here is on kindly, let them know that you don't, that you're not going to deal with that. You're not going to, you're not going to let that happen. And if they keep trying to break your boundaries, you remove yourself from the situation. You don't get angry and start attacking them. You don't try to hit them. You don't start talking about how all men are evil and whatever, right? You just remove yourself from the situation. You don't try to inflict revenge. You just leave because you have boundaries and you stick to your boundaries and you know that you deserve what it is that you want and you know that you deserve to be treated well, which is why you have boundaries in the first place. If you get what I'm talking about here, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about, go ahead and ask any questions that you have and I will get to them once I'm done here talking about all the different things. So number five is you have standards, preferences, likes and dislikes and you share those with people, right? So you believe that your likes, your dislikes and your standards are important and you're willing to express them. And that's the key emphasis right there is you're willing to express them. You think it's important, your feelings, your likes, your dislikes, the things that you care about, the things you like, the things that you don't like, you believe it's important and you believe that what you express is important and it's important for you to express that to people and have those things because you know that you deserve good things and you know that you deserve to have your voice heard, right? And so that's really what we're talking about here is having your voice heard. Number six is you admit when you're wrong and you take ownership of your actions. So you're strong enough to take a blow to your ego, you're not worried about what are people going to think, you know, who am I to do this? Like, you know, all those things beating yourself up and all that kind of stuff. You're willing to admit that you're wrong, you're willing to take ownership of your actions and what you've done and, you know, realize that this is just a part of something that you did and sometimes you make mistakes and it's okay and it's not that big of a deal and you're willing to move on with your life. Number seven is you're confident but humble. So you think highly of yourself but you don't need to tell everybody about how great you are, right? So that's kind of the thing with narcissism that everybody's talking about is people feel really unimportant inside and so they try to overcompensate with it by telling everybody how great they are, making everything about themselves and all that kind of stuff, right? That's the key sign of a narcissist, the classical definition of a narcissist. And so, you know, that's not what you're doing. You think highly of yourself and that's okay, right? Like, thinking highly of yourself isn't a bad thing, right? So there's a lot of women out there and guys out there that are talking about narcissism nowadays and everybody's talking about how everybody's a narcissist and anytime somebody thinks highly of themselves they're like, oh, narcissist, but that's not always true, right? You can humbly think really highly of yourself and it's not a big deal, you know, even if you make jokes about, you know, how great you think of yourself, it's not a big deal, right? If you're coming from a space of true confidence and it's just, it's funny, it's fun, it's, you know, whatever, it's not a big deal. So you're confident, but humble. Number eight is you receive openly what others give to you. So you believe that you deserve good things in your life, so you allow others to give to you. So, you know, if somebody tries to give you something, you're not trying to like push them off of it or say, no, no, no, no, I can't take that or whatever, right? You just receive what somebody tries to give to you because it's actually a gift to them to receive from them because for most people, especially with men, they feel really good about giving you something and it's actually a win for them and so you allow them to give you something and you believe that you deserve good things so you allow yourself to receive from them. Number nine is you stay out of relationships that aren't right for you. So you wait for the potential, you wait for the potential to be loved and valued, right? So you get into situations where you know that at least that potential is there. You don't get into situations where you're already at the bottom. You get into situations where somebody values you, right? You get into a situation where the potential of being loved and creating that amazing relationship is there. So what people that don't value themselves do is they accept bad behavior and they get into spots where people don't value them and then it's like this challenge and I got to get up to the top and I got to work on them and I got to make them see my value and all that kind of stuff and you're doing that because you don't really see your value and deep inside you kind of feel like you deserve something that's negative towards you and getting hurt and all that other kind of stuff and if you really value yourself, you don't allow yourself to experience that. And so lastly here before I go to question and answer, I just want to read a little thing that I have here that I found that I thought was really interesting and so I thought you'd want to hear it and so here it goes. It says, a father before he died said to his son, this is a watch your grandfather gave me and it's more than 200 years old but before I give it to you, go to the watch shop on First Street and tell them, tell the guy there that I want to sell it and see how much he offers you. And so the son went and then he came back to his father and he said, the watch maker offered $5 because he said that it was an old watch and so the father said to him, go to the coffee shop and so the son went there and came back and he said, yeah, the coffee shop owner offered me $5 and so the father said, well, go to the museum and show them the watch. And so the son went to the museum and then he came back and he said, I showed him the watch at the museum and they offered me a million dollars for it. And so the father said, I wanted to let you know that the right place values you the right way. So don't find yourself in the wrong place and get angry if you're not valued. Those that know your value are those who appreciate you and don't stay in a place where nobody sees your value. And so the last message that I just wanna give to you here is just because you keep ending up in relationships where you aren't valued doesn't mean that you have no value. Instead, only get into a relationship where a man treats you like a million dollars, not where he treats you like five bucks. So let's see what kind of questions we have here. So hello, hello, hello, hello everyone. Aries says, hi Matthew, love your videos. Well thank you, I appreciate that. Yvonne says, I wish I had everything in place for a relationship, I'm not sure what that means. Good morning, hello, hello, hello from Ohio. I'm in Ohio right now too, actually Cincinnati. I'm in Cincinnati, Ohio at the moment. So Han says, Matthew, you're the best. I really value your insight. Thank you, I appreciate that. Gina says, Matt, your haircut is super cute. Well thank you. Amazing Grace, he says, I love watching your videos. Julie Tree says, Matt, is it wrong to chase after a shy guy? I mean, would he rather that you chase him if he feels he's not good enough? I don't know, or do you just let him alone altogether confused? Well it kinda depends, right? Like it depends on what kind of a relationship you wanna have. If you wanna have a relationship where you're the one who's constantly chasing and investing and you never know how much he's invested or interested in actually having this thing work, then you can do that. But just remember that if you're the one that's chasing him, then you really have no idea where he is on the scale, right? And it's possible that you could do something where you're chasing him and pursuing him and then you end up leaning back and if he is connecting with you and then you lean back and he starts chasing you back but it usually doesn't work that way. So my suggestion is that you follow what it is that I talk about in the Forever Woman program. If you don't have the Forever Woman program out there, you should go to theforeverwomanformula.com and go pick up a copy of it. You can go get it there for free. So that is what I suggest you do. Lori says, hello from Tino. I love your advice. It's great. Thank you. You're welcome. Wendy said, my first guy friends usually get clingy. Yeah. I mean, it's one of those things on both sides. There's a lot of people that don't really value yourself. So you have to remember that. Sweet Kitty. Sweet Kitty cat, I like that name. Says, hey, Matt, I get it. Thank you. I appreciate you. Well, I appreciate you too. So thank you for being here. Thank you everybody for being here. I appreciate everyone who's here. We have the best women in the world as part of our community. And I love, I love all you being here. And so thank you so much. Christina says, I get it. The problem is that men leave the women who has values for the women that don't. And now a woman is single again. How can a woman solve this problem? Well, it depends on what you're talking about. So saying some broad generalization that men leave women who has values for women who don't isn't saying anything about what actually happened or what you're doing or anything like that. So I'd need more information about what it is. What I do suggest is that you go and follow my system because women who follow my system get into great relationships. So go to theforeverwomanformula.com and pick up a copy of that program there for free. And if you decide you want to stay a part of our community, which I do suggest that you do, you can also do that as well. Raluca says, the guy I was dating asked if we could go slower and be friends while he takes care of his ex-wife that told him she's having health problems. I said, yes, and I'm patient. Well, that sounds rough. I feel like he put me on a back burner or he just broke up with me without telling me. Well, I mean, it sounds like a situation you don't particularly want to be a part of. And I wouldn't suggest being a part of. So let's see. Wendy says, never really got hurt by any man. Well, that is amazing because I don't ever hear that from almost any one guy or woman talking about not getting hurt by the opposite sex. So congratulations on your ability to live as long as you have without getting hurt by the opposite sex. I applaud you. I applaud you on that one, Wendy. Good job. Heather says, can an introvert and an empath who have known each other for 25 years plus years last? Yeah, absolutely. It's definitely possible that an introvert and an empath which aren't mutually exclusive, by the way, you can be an introvert and an empath and you can be an introvert or an empath. So either one for sure. And yes, absolutely, you guys can work for sure. Nathakawana says, world's greatest motivational speaker, Matthew. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. Not quite going for that, but okay. Joanne says, absolutely, that's right. Matt, know your worth. Thank you for sharing. God bless. Danette says, why is it so hard to resist sex in the beginning of a relationship? How do you love and respect yourself enough not to do it when it feels right? Can a woman make a playboy loyal? Yeah, I mean, absolutely. I have seen it before. I have a good friend who is a total playboy and he ended up getting married after knowing this girl for about three weeks. And they have been together for, what has it been? That was back in, so it's been, wow, it's been nine years. They've been married for nine years now and he was a total playboy. So absolutely it's possible. But he's, most playboys, what they're really doing is they're looking, right? There's two things going on with them. One, they have this kind of attachment to variety and they've had so much of it for so long that it's kind of an addiction now. And the other thing is that they're looking for something very specific. They're looking to feel something very specific. And if you wanna stand out from all the other women that he's been hooking up with and being a playboy with, then you will resist and you won't hook up with him immediately because you know that you're gonna be completely different than all the other women that he met and so he's gonna think of you differently if you do then. So my suggestion is that you do resist it and how do you love and respect yourself enough not to do it when it feels right? Well, it doesn't really feel right. Like what do you mean by it feels right, right? Like does it feel right in the moment? As in he's a great date and he said all the smooth things that I needed to hear to make me feel all weird and oh my God and I wanna jump all over his bones or he's making you feel right as in like he's talking about all the things that he wants to be with you for a long time and he's falling in love with you and all the things that you'd wanna hear from somebody that would make a great long-term partner which are two completely different things that you definitively need to separate. Players are players because they're really good at making you feel good right now in the moment. And so that's something that you need to differentiate between and decide whether you wanna get sucked into that or not, which you can or not, whatever, it's fine. No judgment here, but if you want something long-term which it sounds like you do, my suggestion is that you think about long-term not just short-term and you start putting on your mental long-term cap and start thinking about whether he fits into that or not. So Heather says, I love him and he loves me yet he needs his space which I understand. However, as his best friend says, you are in a relationship. He speaks of you very highly. Okay, Shiana says, I set my standards with the guy I was seeing and he ghosted me. What can I do next? Well, if you set high standards and he decided that he didn't want to live up to your standards, you need to look at your standards and say, are these realistic standards that I should have, right? And if they are, then it's good. You just weeded out somebody who wasn't right for you. So, you know, we're just talking about that. That story that I just talked about, right? You wanna be treated like a million dollars and you want somebody who's willing to step up and be the right guy for you. And so, assuming that you have realistic standards and you're not just saying crazy stuff to him, then you know that you just weeded a guy out that's not willing to step up and raise his standards for you, which is totally fine because there's 14 billion people on the planet and I'm sure that you can find somebody that'll step up and raise their standards for you. So, Wendy says, my man and I work for the same agency. Okay. Easy if a guy leaves you for a better guy than leave him. Ralupta says, everything seemed perfect at the beginning and I was getting good mornings a lot, but now nothing. Shelby said, I have a couple of guys that are basically telling me, ball is in my court to make plans with them. They aren't understanding that. That I like to be pursued and staying in my feminine energy. I'm using your program, but they aren't making moves, thoughts. Yeah, I mean, have you told them that you're interested and that you'd love to hang out with them again? And if they tell you that the ball's in your court, you can just be like, like, oh yeah, that's fun. You know, are you gonna come over and get the ball or am I just gonna be dribbling over here all by myself? Right? And just have fun with it and just be playful with it and just lean back and just let them know that you're interested. And if they want to make a date with you, that's great, but that you're not gonna take on the masculine responsibilities in the relationship and that you'd love to go on another date with them if they want to and to let you know if he's interested. But don't take on, my suggestion is that you don't take on the masculine force because then you're gonna be doing that the whole time. And so you wanna lean back and just let them know that you're interested and that you'd love to hang out and that you're just not gonna, you know, and just leave it at that, you know, and just leave it at leaning back and just letting him know that you're interested. And if he says, you know, the ball's in your court to do something, then just be like, okay, well, when are you gonna come and, you know, get the ball or whatever, right? Just have fun with it and just play with it. And just like I said, lean back and make sure that you're not pursuing and chasing him and just, you know, just keep going. Just keep meeting guys and just keep talking to guys because at some point you're gonna find guys that are going to willing to step up. A lot of guys have gotten lazy because there's a lot of women who have this masculine mask over their face, right? And they're over who they are and what they're doing. And so there's a lot of women out there who are pursuing and chasing guys these days. And so you have to realize that there a lot of guys have become lazy because of that. And you're gonna be doing something different. And it's good that you're doing something different. So don't allow the peer pressure to suck you in to doing what all the other women are doing out there and be different, right? You wanna be different. That's important. It's good to be different. Lynette says, my guy broke up with me. Should I answer his calls or remain in no contact? Conversely, do I answer his calls and not reach out to him to maintain no contact? So it, well, it depends on why he's calling you, right? If he wants to call you and set up a date with you and get back together with you, that's one thing. If he wants to call you to hook up with you, that's another thing. If he wants to call you to sit on the phone and chat with you for an hour because he realized that he got all of his emotional support from you, that's another thing. And so my suggestion, you don't need to, like if you go into no contact, you don't need to not pick up the phone when somebody answers you. But what you do wanna do is make it short, let him find out why he's calling. If he's just calling to chat, just say, hey, that's great, thank you. If you wanna get together or something at some point, let me know and, you know, because like I said, the magic happens in the meetup. And so if he wants to get together and meet up with you, that's great. Just don't meet up at his house. Don't hook up with him. Don't do anything unless you have the conversations that you need to have to know what it is that he's looking for and all that kind of stuff so that you don't end up just getting into a friend with benefits situation, which is what a lot of women do when after they break up with a guy because they're missing that connection from that guy. And so they get back into a friend with benefits without having conversations and talking about all the things that they need to talk about. And so my suggestion is that you don't do that, but you don't need to like not, you know, let him not pick up the phone when he calls you or reaches out. Just let him know that you're busy and that you don't have a lot of time to talk and that, you know, if he wants to meet up with you to let you know and he can schedule a time to meet up and you guys will hang out and talk, you know, and hopefully it's at a public place and if he wants to pursue something with you, that's great. You know, if, here's the thing, right? As far as like reaching out to him and when you should reach out, there's kind of a point at which you kind of feel that it's not a big deal anymore, right? And so you need to get to that place. And so if you, if he's just wanting to talk and just wanting to be friends, you know, just let him know that, you know, or just wanting to hook up or something like that. Just let him know that you're not in a space to really do that right now and that, you know, if he's interested in getting back together, let you know, but if not, you know, you need some time to heal and work on yourself and develop yourself and that you're not, you know, and that's it, right? And inside you need to be thinking like, I'm not gonna be used for in, you know, somebody's, you know, emotional pillow where, you know, he was getting all of his emotional needs met from you and now he's still trying to do that with you, but you're like, you know, I want something more or I need to heal myself. And so I hope that makes sense, Lynette. Let me know if it doesn't. And no, you should absolutely not reach out to him and maintain contact unless you are open to the fact that he doesn't want to get together and you're okay with that. And if you're not okay with that, then you definitely shouldn't be reaching out to him and contacting him under any circumstances until you are in a space where you're feeling whole and strong and powerful within yourself so that you don't end up getting yourself into a bad situation. Ledirid says, hi, Matt, watching your videos. Filipina watching from Hong Kong. Well, hello, hello to you. LaLa says, yes, I do, Matt, I do value myself. Well, that is very important and I am very happy to hear that you value yourself. That's good to hear. So Mindy says, we're completely different. He's calm and needs peace. I'm more outgoing and loud and he's worried we won't work. Well, that's actually something that a lot of times works really, really well. I was in a relationship for about five and a half years one time with somebody who is a lot more outgoing talkative and all that kind of stuff and it worked really great because I'm naturally incredibly introverted and normally don't talk a whole lot and just like to hang out and listen. So that's the kind of person that I am is I like to hang out and not talk and chill out and let other people talk to me and so that can work out really, really well sometimes and so you just need to make sure that you're putting yourself in a good position and it sounds, that's not bad, right? Like passion is created through polarity, right? So polarity creates passion and I talk about that a little bit in the forever woman program and so having these different things being on different sides of the scale can be really great because there could be a lot of passion there as long as you're not like saying all kinds of crazy things and having other problems, right? Because of insecurities or something like that. Wendy says, how old are you? Old enough, ugh. So Han says, hey Matt, I recently bought a Christmas present for a guy I cut off last October because he just wanted to hook up which I didn't provide, I can't stop thinking about him. I gave it to him and he gave me a big hug and kiss. Oi, was that a mistake? Well, if you cut a guy off and you're still interested in him and you wanna get with him to some extent but you want a real relationship then it's, I mean, I don't think it's necessarily bad if you reach out to him, giving him a present is a little bit much, right? Cause it's like, we aren't in a relationship you wanted to just hook up and I'm not willing to give that to you and he runs off and so you come back and you're like, hey, here's a present, right? Which to a guy, he's gonna be like, oh, she's really into me but he's gonna decide to himself, do I want something real with her? And you giving him a present just realize that you giving him a present doesn't raise your value in his eyes, right? It doesn't make him think, oh wow, she gave me a present so now she's more dateable or something like that, right? Cause that's not how guys work. And so my suggestion is, I mean, you can do that as long as you aren't expecting anything from it and if he doesn't want anything more than just hooking up then I don't know why you're talking to him anyway because it doesn't really matter, right? Like you're like, was that a big mistake? Well, it's not a big mistake because he just wants to hook up and you want something real and so it doesn't really matter what you do with him because he's not the right guy for you and so you should be focusing your energy on other people and other things in your life and building abundance and creating an abundance of connection and options like I talk about in the forever woman program so that you're not hung up on this dude. So Debra says, a guy I met a couple years ago he verbally expressed his feelings for me but sat on the other side of the couch when he came over then tried to hold my hand, I quickly pulled away I believe my gut instinct told me to do so he only dates his old exes but still in contact with me flirting he's never been married, we've never hooked up, okay? Nina says, rejection is protection, okay? Wendy says, I'd rather be treated like an equal. Well, you know, like you can be equal in terms of like you're both, you know, valuable but you don't wanna be like equal in terms of like who you guys are as people because if you're trying to be equal to each other it's kind of like a dead space, right? You wanna have polarity, which is not being equal it's being completely different, right? It's not being the same, it's being totally different and so you wanna be different because that's what creates that like strong passion and attraction towards each other. So Shanna says, thank you, love your advice while you are welcome. Lori says, Matt, I need your help bad. Well, what do you need my help with, Lori? Wendy says, ah, Matt is embarrassed, I'm not embarrassed. Shelby says, great advice, thank you, we'll keep leaning back and make sure they know I'm interested. I'll stay playful and not pursue. That's exactly what you should do, Shelby. Nicola says, hi Matthew, a guy I was dating was really into me, updated his Tinder the night he left my house, I called him out and he said he was trying to delete it because he had such a lovely day, I told him I wouldn't be a second option. He has since gone very quiet, I'm in pain, help. So you're dating, he was super really into you and updated his Tinder the night he left his house, I called him out and he said he was trying to delete it because, so I mean, how long were you guys dating, right, you're not gonna be a second option, like, I mean, how do you, so he left your house, right, which means that you guys probably hooked up together and then somehow you found out that he updated his Tinder because you were lovingly looking at his Tinder profile after he left your house and then you sent him kind of this like offended response and he has since gone very quiet, I'm in pain, help. Well, yeah, I mean, there's not a whole lot you can do at this situation because it sounds like you probably aren't following my system because if you were following my system, you'd be exclusive and you'd be talking about how you were exclusive and you'd be talking about the connection that you had before you guys hooked up and you'd know that you shouldn't be sleeping around with guys, which it sounds like you did with him. And so, you know, if you're in pain, what you need to do is you need to break the pattern, right? So if you're in pain, a lot of pain right now and you're like, if you're just trying to get to a place where you're feeling better and you're not worried about him, which I'm not sure what it is that you're talking about, it sounds a little bit like you feel like you screwed up with him and it sounds a little bit like you're just in pain because you feel like you got used or something like that. I'm not sure exactly which angle you're kind of going at here, but if you just wanna start feeling better about yourself, what you need to do is you need to break your pattern that you're in. So if you're feeling sad and you get into a sad state, what you need to do is break the pattern in ways you can do that is one by just doing silly crazy stuff, right? Just like getting the energy out and just kind of shaking yourself out and getting yourself into a different type of body position because if you change your body position, if you're sad and you're feeling in pain, you're like, ah, you know, like there's like, we know when I show you what it looks like to be in pain, you know that I'm showing you what it looks like to be in pain. So what does it look like to feel strong and confident about yourself, right? You have your arms back and you're feeling straight, your head's up straight, you're feeling strong, right? And you're shifting your thoughts from what did I just lose to things that you want in your life and what you deserve and what you wanna create and you know, experiencing the moments going through the pain, you know, and coming out the other side, things like that, right? So you wanna shift your experiences, you wanna get around friends, you wanna be around things that you like and you enjoy and that make you feel good about yourself and you wanna put yourself into different kind of body positions that make you feel strong and powerful and make you feel really good because that's what will change how you feel pretty quickly and you know, don't necessarily shy away from pain because pain can be helpful, right? Pain is what teaches us about how to make our lives better because if we don't experience pain then we don't learn lessons and we don't decide that we're gonna do something different next time. And so experience the pain fully and let it come through you but don't get attached to the pain and don't get stuck on the pain and remember your value, remember your worth, remember what it is that you wanna create and remember that you're not gonna settle for being an option in a man's life and make sure that you're following my system so that you're getting yourself into a great situation. If you don't have it, go to the foreverwomanformula.com because it's important that you're following that system. A pup named Grady said I met the guy on the dating site and we've been talking for a year and a half who's in the Navy and when he do have time we go out but my question is after a year and a half we finally hooked up, should I take? Your message got cut off there, a pup named Grady so you could have to put the question there at the end if you want me to answer it. So Royale said I keep talking to guys, I don't pursue this guy, I liked, we hooked up on the first date, I don't know if it will change the way he sees me but I will just not care, I got other guys who likes me. Well, it's one of those things where it might not be good, it might be good, it's hard to know, right? It's hard to kind of build the foundation that you need for a great relationship when you hook up with somebody on the first date, right? That's what the problem is. It's possible that he looks at you and he thinks of you and he thinks you're amazing and awesome and all those things but it's also possible that he just looks at it like it's a casual fling because you hooked up with him on the first date and so it's hard to know, it's hard to know. Ralupta says, Raluca says he asked me where do I see us on the fourth date and I told him I enjoyed his company and I didn't find a need to see anyone else and I kind of see him as a boyfriend. Did that scare him away? Was that wrong to say? Well, it's not wrong to say, I mean, it's one of those things where it might have freaked him out, I mean, who knows? It depends on how he felt about you and the way that he looked at you. If he looks at you as this woman that he wants to be in a relationship with and he's pursuing you and he's chasing you and he's investing in you and he's doing all these things for you and he wants to be in a relationship with you, then that's great news to him but if he's in a position where he's not really sure about you and he's kind of on the fence about you and he's just kind of feeling you out and seeing whether he likes you or not and he's on a scale of one to 10 of his interest in you, he's like a six then it probably almost certainly freaked him out and so it's not necessarily wrong to say but you might wanna find out where he is on his scale of how interested he is before you start telling him all that kind of stuff. He did ask where you see the two of you which is a sign of high interest in him so or potentially high interest in him. The only other reason he might ask that question is if he felt like you were thinking of him as a boyfriend and he didn't think of you that way and so he was just trying to see what it was that you thought but there's also a really good chance. You'd have to give me more information about the situation but the only way that you're gonna find out whether it freaked him out or not is what happens next, right? And whether he keeps pursuing you or not. So Lynette said thank you was very helpful, you're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome, Chianti says I was told that I'm more like a mother to him than a wife. Well, that doesn't sound good. Celestial says my SO constantly pushes my boundaries. It's great practice for me as a former people pleaser but it's exhausting. I'm tiring out after two years. Should it be this difficult? I'm sure that that's a no. Well, you might wanna have like a real conversation with him and cause a lot of times what ends up happening especially if you're around people and you kinda develop these like conversations like these like automatic conversations that people have. And if you've gotten into this like pattern of having this automatic conversation where you have an automatic conversation about him trying to push your boundaries constantly the best thing that you could do is kinda just like have a moment where you like break through the pattern. You interrupt the pattern and you just let him know how it makes you feel when he does that and how exhausting it is and not with no expectation around it but just letting him know how you feel and seeing how things go after that. And if you want to train him to do things the other way, another way that you can do this when I talk about this and my framing stuff, my love frames toolkit, I talk about this is if he does that you can link. So what you wanna do is you wanna link attractiveness to it or unattractiveness to his behaviors. So attractiveness to behaviors that you like and unattractiveness to behaviors that you don't like. And so when he tries to push your boundary just let him know that you find it really unattractive and it's a total turn off and kinda shuts you down. So those are different things that you can say and you might wanna use one of them each time he does something like that. If he tries to do it, just be like, yeah, that's really unattractive. I'm just totally turned off by that. And if he keeps doing it, you can be like, yeah, I don't know, I'm totally closed down. That's just not, I'm just not attracted to that, right? And kinda like put up a big boundary and just let him know and just kinda reinforce that it's unattractive behavior that you don't like, right? And if you keep doing that eventually he'll be like, okay, this isn't nearly as fun as I thought it was, right? Cause if he does it and you're like, ah, you know and you kinda get annoyed or something or whatever riled up and he's like, he might think that it's fun and it's playful and it's this fun thing that he does and he's been doing it for a long time and so he's constantly doing it. And if you kinda shut that down and interrupt the pattern and start talking about how unattractive it is and how it turns you off and makes you wanna move away from him instead of moving closer to him, he'll probably if he has any awareness at all he'll start getting the understanding of what you're saying to him and he'll be like, okay, like she really doesn't like that and it's like, it'll go from something that he does all the time to something that he rarely does. And then if you want to build up like attractive behaviors that he does, right? Behaviors that you want him to do more you can talk about how attractive it is or how hot it is or how much it turns you on when he does something or he reacts in a certain way that's more treating you better or valuing you or appreciating you or doing things that you want him to do, right? And so that's kind of like the Pavlov's dog of getting a guy to treat you the way that you want him to treat you and it's one of those things that somebody mentioned before, they're like, oh, so it's like training a dog and in some ways it can be, right? Like us humans, that's our main thing that we do. We're just like animals in a lot of ways where we move towards pleasure and we move away from pain. And so whenever you're saying things to him and just moving away from him when he's like doing things that you don't like it teaches him not to do those things anymore and whenever you reward him for doing things that you do like it teaches him to do more of those things and that's nothing wrong with that. So Lori says, Matt met this guy and yes, was to say I did hook up with him on second date. I know I'm kicking myself about it because we now had been texting back and forth two weeks ago. He texted me, he said he was very busy at work and home and I texted back and told him when things quiet down give me a call that was three weeks ago having heard a word from him should I reach back out to him or should I wait and see if he contacted me? Well, three weeks is a pretty long period of time, right? So I don't think it would hurt if you reached out to him and just asked him a question or something or just said something to him and just tell him that you hope that he's doing well because one of the things that you have to realize is that if you still wanna talk to this guy you need to let him know that you do because for most guys, one of the things that we've learned about women is that if a guy doesn't contact a woman for a few days, most women will lose their minds, right? And the next time you contact them they like attack you and they're angry and they're resentful and they're trying to inflict revenge upon you, right? And so he might feel like he's kind of in a bad place at this point, maybe, you know or it might be that he's not interested. And so either way, if you send him a message it's not a big deal because if he's not interested then it doesn't hurt to send him a message because he's not gonna take it and run with it. If he is interested and he just thinks that he's in a bad position with you now then you reaching out to him and just contacting him he might take that and run with it and be like, oh okay, you know, like she's not angry at me she's not pissed off, you know it's totally cool that I'm contacting her and she wants to talk to me some more. So it can definitely be a good thing to reach out to him if it's been that long and you still want to talk to him it's not that big of a deal if you reach out to him about it. Mindy says, thanks Matt, I hope he can see things your way. Yen says, hi Matthew, I learned many things and your advice, keep it up always. God bless you more in wisdom. Well, thank you, Yen, I appreciate your blessing. Rhonda says, thank you Matt. I started dating again for the first time in 20 years. I wanted you to know that I have gained a lot from following your systems. I really recommend you for ladies out there who are re-entering this new dating. Well, thank you, I appreciate you recommending my stuff. I appreciate you telling me that you've gained a lot from using it. So thank you so much and thank you for being here and thank you for trusting me in your journey on creating the relationship that you want to have in your life. Erie says, after six months I cut off a guy because I started catching feelings and he's a player and not ready, struggle is real. I think it was my fault because at the beginning I said to him, don't get attached. Well, you don't want to get in, like this is the reason I talk about not sleeping around. You don't want to sleep around because most women end up getting attached more often than guys do. It does happen with guys, right? It can definitely happen with guys as well but usually what I end up seeing is women end up getting attached. They think they're just doing something fun and playful and whatever and then they end up getting attached and then they're like, ah, you know, but they've made this long agreement that you guys are just hooking up and the guy's not wanting anything more and then you're in this situation that you're in and you're just like, okay, what should I do? And so you can always, you know, do the things that I talk about in my system and that's the best way to potentially get into a situation that you want to or get him to step up if that's even possible which it might not be depending on him. Mindy said, we've been seeing each other for about a year. We didn't sleep together for three months. He won't commit to a serious relationship with me. We spend a lot of time together, not sure what I'm doing wrong. So you've been seeing each other for a year. You didn't sleep together for three months. He won't commit to a serious, well, it's one of those things like you need to find that out as soon as possible, right? You need to find out what he's looking for and what he's interested in as soon as possible. Like a lot of women, I guess there's some coaches out there who tell women that you shouldn't be like trying to find out what a guy's looking for at all until after you've slept with them and it's just such a bad idea. Like you should find out what he's interested in from the beginning. Cause if he's not open to a relationship with you, the likelihood you're going to convince him of getting into a relationship is really small. It is possible, but it's really small. And so you want to find that out from the very beginning and the problem is that he's not interested in a serious relationship. And so what you need to do, my suggestion for you is that when you follow the forever woman program, you start creating abundance in your life. You create abundance of options and you create abundance of connection. Like I said, start following my system, start going out and meeting other guys. Let the guy that you've been seeing, let him know that you're interested in him and that you really like him and that you're in love with him and that you'd love to be in a real relationship with him and just let him know that you know that he doesn't want that and that's fine. But if he does to let you know but that you're not gonna sit around and wait and hope and pray that he will and that if he decides that he wants something real with you to reach out and let you know and if you're still available at that time then you guys can talk about it and possibly start seeing each other again and that for the time being, you're not interested in talking or meeting up or being in a relationship or being friends or sleeping together or anything else for the time being and go out and start meeting other men and start creating potential relationships with them. If you need some time to heal, then do that or whatever you need to do and set yourself up for success in the future and follow my system is my biggest suggestion. Go to theforeverwomanformula.com and start following my system there. Wagon Dorf says, "'How do I handle his ex-girlfriend "'who likes to make herself known around us? "'I told my guy I'm not dealing with any drama. "'What can he do or should do?' "'Well, he's gonna step up "'and cut things off with his ex "'and if he's serious about you "'and he really cares about you "'and he wants something real with you, "'then he's not gonna let that be "'messed with by his ex "'and he will shut things down with his ex immediately "'and he will make sure that she doesn't come in "'between the two of you "'and that there aren't any potential things.'" So if you get into a real relationship, what you want is you want a situation where, at least in my opinion, you want a situation where there's nothing that's coming in and threatening the relationship. And so you see this girl as a threat and so you need to talk to your guy and make sure that she's not a threat and if she is potentially a threat, then he needs to shut things down with her and make sure that she's completely out of the picture. If she's not a threat, then you need to decide whether you're okay with her being in the picture or not and whether that's gonna trigger your jealousy too much and if it is, then you need to have a conversation with him and then you need to find out whether he wants to do something about it with her or not and if not, then you need to decide whether this is something that you wanna deal with because it's something you're gonna deal with for a long time. So Tammy said, "'My ex is dating someone new "'but still reaches out "'and texts me with fun conversation "'and still asks about my kid's thoughts.'" Well, he's emotionally connected to you. That's what's going on is he likes you and he likes having you in his life and he doesn't want you to not be in his life and so he still thinks about you and he still contacts you because he still wants to have that emotional connection and he cares about you. That's what's going on. I'm trying really hard to have no contact for 21 days and work your program. So yeah, I mean, you can just let him know, right? You can let him know that you don't want to contact him or have conversations with him or anything for the time being. If you're feeling you're in a space where you need to get to a place where you're detached from him. So when you break up with somebody, what ends up happening is they've done studies on this and what they found is that when somebody breaks up with somebody else, when you're in a relationship, it's like you guys meld together as one person and when you break up, it's like you lose an actual part of yourself and so you've lost a part of your identity and so part of the no contact thing is really about building yourself up and strengthening yourself and putting yourself into a position where you're strong and powerful and you feel like a whole person again. And until you get to that point of where you feel like you're a whole person, it's gonna be really difficult for you if this guy keeps reaching out to you and connecting with you. And so part of the no contact thing is about getting yourself to a space where you're strong and you're able to come back to it and have a conversation with your ex and not feel like it's preventing you from healing and growing and getting back to a place where you're independent and not emotionally reliant on him anymore. And so you need to determine where that point is and just figure it out and if you have to, you can always just let him know that you don't wanna talk to him for a little while and you're gonna be really busy and so you're not gonna be responding back and that you need some time to kind of heal and whatever and just let him know that. You're human and it's okay to let him know that you're vulnerable in a place where you need some time to yourself and that you don't wanna continue having conversations with him. There's nothing wrong with that. Chianti says, hi Matt, I've been seeing this guy on and off for eight years. He has told me I was more like a mother, not a wife. What am I doing wrong? Well, it kind of depends, right? Cause some guys want to be in a situation with a woman who's like a mother, not like a wife. I don't know, it depends. You'd have to ask him what he means by that, right? There could be a lot of different things that he means by that because everybody has like a map, right? You have a map of what you think a relationship should be like, of how you think a man should behave. You have a map of how you think you should be behaving, of how society's supposed to work, all that kind of stuff. And so if he has a map of how he thinks a wife should be behaving and he has a map of how he thinks a mother should be behaving, then and you're doing things inside his map of how he thinks a mother should behave and not as a wife, then, you know, there's something weird, you know, you need to figure out what that is. And the other thing that's going on here that kind of draws my attention to it is that you said, I've been seeing this guy on and off, right? You've been seeing him on and off for eight years. Why have you been seeing him on and off? Like, what does that mean? Well, you guys have been breaking up together. You're not in a committed relationship. Like, what is on and off really mean to you? You break up and then get back together. You're not really committed to each other. You're just in a casual situation. You haven't talked about it. You know, you might want to find out, you know, it sounds like there's a whole bunch of strange things going on there that need some attention. And the only way you're gonna find out what it means to him about what a mother is and not a wife is if you ask him about it. There's no, I mean, I can give you my possible, my giant world of possible things that you could be doing, but it would just be my own personal map of how that is or maps that I've seen before of other men. And that's not gonna help you with your man because you need to talk to your man and communicate with him and have real conversations with him and make sure that you're in a situation that you want to be in. So, you know, a lot of women come to me and you, most of them are in situations where they want to attract a man who sees them and loves them and cherishes them and they wanna get into committed relationships that last. Yet, we're in kind of this culture right now in America and in the West and in a lot of places in the world. It's becoming more and more, the Western culture is seeping into every culture around the world at this point. And we're in this culture where there's kind of this hookup thing going on where people are just hooking up with each other, right? It's called the hookup culture. And men are pulling away and disappearing on a lot of the women that come to me. And they feel a lot of kind of doubt about themselves. They feel confused about their own value, their own self-worth. And many of them just feel like they wanna give up on men or relationships altogether. And so I just wanted to mention, you know, if you're having a hard time with men and dating right now, it's a pretty common thing that's going on everywhere. And so we live in a culture that encourages superficial relationships and discourages anything that's really meaningful. And I believe that there's a better way for men and women to get into and stay in committed relationships that last. That's why I put together a proven path that will help you get into the relationship that you want. It's called the forever woman. You can go to theforeverwomanformula.com. There should be a link above or below this video or you can go to theforeverwomanformula.com and check it out. Go watch the video there and sign up for the program if you're interested and, you know, join our community. I, you know, it's, I can feel the pain, right? I've been in the dating world. I've spent a lot of time coaching in the dating world. I've been doing this since 2005. And I've seen, I've seen all the problems that are out there. I've come from a place where I felt like I, you know, wasn't really worthy of love and getting into the relationship that I wanted. If you've heard my story before, if you haven't, I, you know, I came from a place where I was basically abandoned by my mom and my dad and it put into a situation where I felt like, you know, I wasn't good enough. And I spent a huge portion of my early 20s and mid 20s and even late 20s trying to prove that I was worthy of the love that I wanted in my life. And so I've been there and a lot of the women that have come to me have been there as well. And I've been helping thousands and thousands of women switch from feeling hopeless and stuck to attracting great men into committed, lasting relationships where they're loved and cherished and seen. And many of them have ended up in marriage. And I have a three-part system for you to be successful and here's what it is. You need to believe in your value because of the law of belief transference. Whoever is the most certain about how much they believe in something transfers that belief to other people. You need to position yourself in value. So you need to put yourself in a position where you're automatically and immediately and long-term looked at as a woman of value. And you need to communicate your value because sometimes women aren't, they've come from places where they develop speech patterns of feeling like they're low value. And so I teach how to communicate in a way that high value women communicate and women who feel like they're valuable communicate. And so if you're interested, go click the link below or above this video. Go to the foreverwomanformula.com. Go watch the video and sign up for my free course, the forever woman program. In it, you'll learn how to attract a man who loves and cherishes you. He'll pursue you for a committed, lasting relationship and you'll end up doing less work and feeling more appreciated and valued by men and your man. And if you don't, you'll just keep doing whatever it is that you're doing right now, which hopefully you're doing well. If you're not, you'll end up staying stuck and continue having problems and challenges in your dating life, feeling like you're doing everything only to be taken for granted with a guy who eventually pulls away from you and possibly disappears on you altogether. And you'll wonder if you're ever gonna get into the relationship that you want. And I don't want you to feel like that. I want you to feel like you're strong and you're powerful and you have the ability to get into the relationship that you really want to have because it's very important in this day and age we live in the world of the war of the sexes and I want to heal that divide and I want you to get into a great relationship where you're valued and you're seen in your cherished. And my program is what will help you get into that. And so thank you so much for being here with me today. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey. Thank you. We have the best, like I said, we have the best women in the world and our community, some amazingly, incredibly attractive, awesome, smart, intelligent women in our community. You're awesome. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for being a part of this community and helping with everything that a lot of the women have been helping with. So thank you very much and I will speak with you again soon.