 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, how a high quality man chooses commitment. Now really quickly before we get started, if you've been watching some of my YouTube videos, you might notice that I keep changing these pictures right here. Typically they're pictures of my son, my sons, myself, my friends and whatnot. So if you've been curious, I just thought I'd share that with you right now. So our topic, how a high quality man chooses commitment. You know what's fascinating to me today is the app. And by the way, for those that follow my work, I'm a dating and relationship coach for women, mostly women, and I specialize in midlife. That's after baby making years and before retirement. However, I will say a lot of 30 year old women are coming to me advice and I'm coming from that perspective of that big brother perspective, that big uncle perspective or that fatherly perspective, which means I'm looking out for your best interest. So I'm rambling here, let me get back to topic right now. Okay, so how a high quality man chooses commitment. Why I shared what I did a moment ago is because I recognize that most people are rather clueless when it comes to commitment. I mean, let's face it. I mean, the fact that there is article after article after article about commitment phobic men, people who goes, people who pull away, that sort of thing, whether it's man or woman, the vast majority of the population is rather clueless when it comes to commitment. In fact, lately these days, what I've been observing is so many what I call friends with benefit relationships, but you just don't know it. Let me repeat that, friends with benefits relationship and you just don't know it. Now, I'm really saying these are casual relationships. In other words, they're putting in the minimum investment in the relationship or putting the vast minimum investment in the relationship. In fact, if you're not familiar with Esther Perrell's work, she wrote a book called Mating Incaptivity. Mating Incaptivity. And one of the things I like about her work is she talks about something called stable ambiguity. Stable ambiguity. And what that means is a person is putting the least amount of effort into the relationship. That's why I call it basically a friends with benefits relationship because friends with benefits relationship, but you don't really know it. What I mean to say is you're kind of friendly with one another, you're having sex together, but there's no real solid commitment in the relationship. There's no real solid direction in the relationship. And so the vast majority of men and women are operating from this place. Now, women are a little bit different because women tend to bond with men and want to go the distance, whereas men have been conditioned to go spread their seed everywhere and they're not necessarily as conditioned for commitment from a biological perspective. But I want to shift this conversation to the emotional grownup because the emotional grownup man, that man who's emotionally mature, who has emotional IQ, his actions match his words. He takes personal responsibility for his choices. He knows how to have good healthy conflict resolution skills. He has a sense of empathy and he's certainly transparent. Those kind of men, those emotionally confident, emotionally mature men have a clear direction what they want in relationship. Now let me give you an example. And I'd like to think I'm that kind of guy. And that is I'm very clear in the dating process. I tell a woman that when I'm in relationship with someone I'd like to spend at least three or four days a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, intimacy, both emotional and physical intimacy and working towards partnership with one another. I'm very crystal clear on that's how I approach a relationship. And I'd like to get even remarried. That is a definitive sign that says I know what I want. I want to get remarried, okay? That is someone who is crystal clear on what they want relationship. And while I said earlier, this is where I'd like to lead to in the relationship eventually I'm clear that I want to move in with someone or get married. That's a crystal clear picture. What's interesting to me is most people don't have a picture of what a committed relationship looks like. They don't have even an outline of what it looks like because they haven't contemplated it up here. You know, I work with women, I'm yelling right now but I'm yelling because I'm passionate. Remember I said before I come from that fatherly figure kind of perspective. I have someone on my YouTube channel, right? I trust your advice more than anyone else because you're like a father yelling at me. And I'm just here to say I'm coming from a protective perspective. But people should know what they want. They should have a clear picture. I work with women and I ask them what are you looking for in the form of a relationship? Well, Jonathan, I want commitment. Great, what does that look like? But I just want my guy to be more committed to me. Well, that's great. What does that look like? But Jonathan, I just need him to be more committed to me. Great, what does that look like? I have women coming to me all the time frustrated that they're in relationship with men but there's no clear design of what commitment looks like but they don't even have their own clarity on what commitment looks like. When I shared with you mine, that's crystal clear. But sadly, women as well as men don't have a sense of what that really looks like. In fact, I'm currently reading a fascinating book called The Partnership Charter, The Partnership Charter, How to Start Out Right with a New Business Partner. That this is a business book but why I'm interested in reading this book is because when two people, let's take two lawyers that get together, man or woman doesn't matter and they decide they wanna form a partnership. Well, they know this is what I bring to the table, this is what you bring to the table and they say, how are we gonna form this partnership together? It's looking at what you bring to the table and having clear conversations around what this is going to look like. And sadly, most people date without any consciousness around this. I mean, since I speak to women, I'm gonna say this, you'll allow a penis into a vagina, you'll allow a penis and vagina without any clarity on what this person even is looking for from a long-term perspective with any sense of clarity. What does it actually look like? Put it on a calendar. What does your relationship look like on a daily, weekly and monthly basis? At least have some clarity on that versus just haphazardly going about it because this haphazardness is leading to the relationships that I call our friends with benefits but you just don't even know about it. Ah. You want, how a quality man chooses relationship? Well, the quality man knows it right up here what he wants because he's designed it in his head ahead of time. And my invitation for you women is to ask him really good value-based questions to determine what he really wants. And if he lacks clarity, hey, it's okay. Wish you washy relationships. They're available, friends with benefits, but you just don't know about it. They're available, but the men who know what they want are crystal clear in the way they approach relationships. And that's how a high quality man chooses a relationship or commitment. Set a mouthful there. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. I'm sure you have something to say. Please post a comment below if this resonated with you. If I missed something or you want to add something, please write it down. I want to hear from you. Also, I've got a bunch of links here below. I have a fantastic group called Midlife Love Mastery. If you can't afford private coaching one-on-one, how would you like to have direct access to me for a small nominal cost each month? Check out the link below to Midlife Love Mastery. I'm gonna sign off this video as I always do, giving you a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug if I have your consent. Oh, thank you. Wishing you a wonderful day. Thanks so much. Bye-bye now.