 Hell yeah Okay, we're back drew here that anxiety guy calm Billy cross anxiety uniting calm Episode 18 coming at you with a little change of scenery here. I'm gonna sit on the sofa in my Just chillin talking about my pal yeah, so Today we're gonna talk about Well, I mean there's a quote from the Shawshank redemption is a really popular movie Everybody knows get busy living or get busy dying and I think it comes from a comment that I think Billy you had gotten on one of your on your channel right from yeah Yeah, pretty much. It's a question It's a question that made me think of that and obviously you raised the the quote, but it fits perfectly The question is from h-ness, and I can't remember. Oh, it's Hugh Hugh on Twitter And his question was and this is targeted towards men, but obviously Women get involved because it is the same principle, but the question is as men How do you feel about doing normal dad stuff slash mom stuff? When in a state of anxiety he feels guilty about not being able to do school run go into the park the shops And he worries they'll pass that on to his kids so there was also So there's that comment, but there was also the comment from Laura who asked correct How do you make that leap and she understands everything we're talking about how do you make that leap between saying well This is just anxiety and her fear is she's gonna do that and she'll be wrong and it really is a medical I'm not yet. You know that will be dangerous to her, and I think they're the same comment I really do I believe they're the same question and The reason why I came up with the Shawshank quote was because at some point in this process You actually do have to make the decision That you're gonna take some risk Mm-hmm. I think right so Even people who don't have anxiety and don't have panic attacks and stuff like that We life is there's never a guarantee life is a risk when you walk out the door stuff could happen, right? Exactly We don't think about it normally like unless you're you know and you're people with anxiety think about it all the time But other people just walk out the door we you assume you'll come home at night, but mm-hmm You know there's never anything you take things for granted you hear about this all the time especially when tragedy hits, but I Think to me it speaks to this Though both of those comments are really speak to the same issue at some point. There's you have to decide I'm willing to take this risk. Yeah, and you have to weigh like I can either just sit in my house or on my sofa and Try to avoid bad things or what I think might be bad things mm-hmm or like What's worse? You know going out and living a life that you enjoy living and taking some sort of risk or just hiding from Possible bad things. That's it because even the what you think is the solution of sitting at home That brings you no comfort. Does it it brings you the guilt? Yeah, brings you the you know worrying about what other people are think and the Horrible thoughts that you have when you feel like you're missing out on so much and I'm a victim of that You know, I miss out on my daughter's dancing and stuff and that's because I choose that What I thought would be a comfortable route, but the emotional Negatives that you get from that. I think that's outweighs the Effects of actually going out and attempting to do the stuff because you might only feel well You might not feel anxiety going out, but you might only feel like 10 minutes of anxiety Whereas if you choose not to go and do this stuff, right people live with that guilt for the rest of their lives, you know That's the point that that's true. And so when you you live with that I think So there's two things here and I'll kind of address I guess maybe Laura's things specifically like and she asked How do you know that I mentioned this already? I'm not sure if I'm repeating myself. Yeah, you know to get to that point where like Well, I'm gonna accept that this is just anxiety, but what if I'm wrong this is our comment What if I'm already questioned like how do you finally get to that point where you say, okay? I'm gonna say this is just anxiety but what if I'm wrong and there's something really wrong and I and I missed it and Something happens to me because medically I missed something that was wrong And she's been told the doctors and the doctors are scratching their heads like there's nothing wrong with you They keep telling you there's nothing wrong, but I understand where she is I get that and so in that situation It literally comes down to like a leap of faith like well, I'll take that risk I'm gonna go out and live my life as if there's nothing wrong with me And if it turns out that there was something wrong with you what would sitting in the sofa solve anyway, exactly That's it right. It's still there. It's still there. Yeah. Yeah, whatever it was or whatever you think it is It doesn't go away if you sit watching TV. No, no, that's right. It doesn't go away. So I Think and I can't you know, none of us we all have to make that decision for ourselves at some point when we get to that We get to that point we make that decision, but I think sometimes we talk you and I talked a lot about the nuts and bolts of exposure and You know Cognitive tools and things of that nature and diet and exercise and sleep and all that stuff, but sooner or later There are philosophical You know, I think issues that come into this and this is one of those get busy living or get busy dying Yeah, how many things do you want to miss out on? I know I had to I dealt with that and so yeah Me too. Yeah, how do you do the dad stuff when when Hugh asks, you know, the dad stuff like I wasn't doing the dad stuff You know, and I mentioned it last episode. I was I wasn't doing the dad stuff And that and that started to override the risk. I was willing to take the risk Yeah, yeah, so you know what people ask have asked me like well, I don't understand How did you decide to start doing that work and like face up to it? Probably that Probably that's the answer. I didn't realize until just now like What I what I felt the negative of missing out on started to overway over ride Yeah, the sit the need for safety or comfort and and I was not I Didn't I didn't want to miss anymore, so I was willing to take that risk All right, maybe I'll go out and have a panic attack, but okay Mmm. I think from rather because I because I went through that and I was doing the stuff So I went down a similar path to you I was making progress and I was definitely moving in the right direction I was going to watch the dancing and going to school assemblies And if I'm a million percent honest now since the setback I feel like the choice that I make is through laziness now I just can't be asked to put myself through it, which is stupid Because like I am missing out on the stuff and I do feel guilty about it in that But it's just like putting yourself. It's going over. It's getting motivated again to do The right thing that's where I'm probably struggling because I've done it all before right and made that progress and felt yes I'm winning and I was and then it all went tits up again. And now I just feel lazy now. I just can't Summon up that Whatever it is the fire. Yeah, I don't know and it's horrible like I sit here and I'm judging myself thinking I'm an ass Admitting that I'm perhaps too lazy to even put myself through it. Well, it's just I'm in that comfortable crap Where it's just easier to not bother And not even question whether I'm gonna attempt stuff anymore. Yeah, and that's it's not a very nice place to be in Well, I get it though. So and especially if you've the longer that you've spent I think trying to engineer that where it's like Okay, I can manage this now. I have things taken care of for me I've managed to get out of all, you know commitments that are scary to me. We can get complacent for sure I wouldn't you know, I think one of the things that people really appreciate is that You know, you don't you're very open to share that sort of thing. So when you go on video and say well I kind of feel like I'm an ass You know, you shouldn't I mean, I think you're being really hard on yourself But at the same time, I think we can all relate. I felt that way many many times like this isn't okay It's you know, this is this is so stupid. I used to think that I was really down on myself. So I get it So how do you you know, how do you address that? How do you decide it? There's no and I feel like we get air I get asked this. I'm sure you do too. Like how do you? People are so well, how did you do that sooner or later? Like there's always comes out to but but how did you do it? But how did you do like how did you decide to get? Yeah? Yeah, so like I Don't know. I decide. Yeah for me. It was just I don't know Like I'll refer back to that video where I was in the red coat in the car Yes, I knew as you say that and it was just that moment. There was just and it lasted literally Well, it didn't last any amount of time It was just a spark and I just went with it and it was exactly the same as what you were saying in watching the video Of Chris, you just there was a spark and you just went for it. You didn't second-guess it. You just Bit the bullet and went for it and the result was surprising to you because you actually did it Then whether you felt anxious or not, right? It didn't matter because you you survived it and that gave you that little bit of confidence So that's perhaps what it is. It's just finding or waiting. Well, no, don't sit waiting for it But yeah, because when I was sitting there in the car thinking about it I knew that that feeling was coming because it had come a few times and I've just sit there and not act on it But then I made a decision though the next time I felt just Whatever it was an ounce of confidence the mustard seed or whatever it is I think Claire Weeks refers to that. Yeah tiny mustard seed Just something and just go with it jump and get it and see what happens Get busy living. Yeah. Yeah, and I think it's at some point At some point even we can give all the tips and tricks and I can share all like that The nuts and bolts of the things that I went through but at some point at that moment like that moment in the car It didn't have anything to do with a specific. I don't think you could probably teach somebody like I thought this I thought this I breed like this and I got out of the car all of those things go into that I guess to put you in that situation to begin with But that whatever that spark is that's I think I truly believe that's an emotional thing. It's a it's a philosophical thing It's I think I think maybe the The the techniques and the stuff like that help when you're in there So when once I'd got out the car then I can use the breathing I can use the mind to focus on whatever I need to and combat those negative thoughts But to actually get that spark in the first place had nothing to do with Anything that I'd learn or read or anything. It was just a Click yeah, and who knows, you know, yeah, yeah, that's it You can't teach that you can't teach it and I think so many people want to know like well How did you know, how do I do that? How do I summon up the courage or right? Yeah, you know I know I had a comment last week too that I read, you know, how do you how do you manage? How do you learn to face something that's so scary to you? And you know sooner or later there is you run out of technique and you actually have to start to rely on On your gut. I don't even know what I would call that. You know, it's weird. Yeah Yeah, so I mean that you and the techniques can the techniques can put you right up at that Right to the edge the techniques can get you right to the edge of making that jump And then once you've made the jump that can help you after you've done it Yeah, yeah, yeah making that jump comes down to something inside you that has to Yeah, yeah, you're supposed you've got to want it, haven't you you've got to really want it You do in yourself and not for other people like I hear so many people say they need to fix this because of Because they're why for because of their kids or whatever, but you've got to want to feel it in yourself Right, it's got a lighter fire in yourself because that's the only way that you're gonna get out there and do it Otherwise you just make excuses and I'm a turd for doing that, but I do that But you've got a you've really got to believe that you want to make a difference Yeah, and I think I don't know sometimes I think as crazy as it sounds the longer We stay stuck the more that may start to build so two things can happen If you feel like you've been dealing with this for a really long time and you're stuck and you know how to Make progress and it's getting maybe it's not getting worse. Maybe you just got yourself into a comfortable spot Mmm, I Think two things tend to happen either you start that spark starts to build like this isn't okay This isn't okay, and sooner or later You'll you'll find that thing inside you and make that leap or despair could start to set in too Yeah, which is but you don't want that to happen like I'm never gonna get better I'm this is as good as it's gonna get like in and I hear people say that that's heartbreaking and I think You know, I don't know how to teach that You got to look inside you and there's something in there that's going to throw it You know just throw you off not off the cliff That's a negative connotation, but that will propel you forward But it's yeah in there and I truly believe that everybody has it. It's in all of us. I really really believe that Yeah has to be yeah, I think I felt that despair feeling before but it's only Like I felt if I've not done anything for ages or if I'm having a really bad time But all it really takes is just one thing where I've been brave Just just one moment. I could just stepped out the door or done whatever But that's all it takes to sort of lift me out of that when you start believing again So if anybody is feeling that despair or whatever Just push yourself just do something that just makes you believe that It's worth it. It's worth doing and you can do it. That's the point isn't it? You need to believe in yourself. You need to have some confidence from something Whatever it may be. Yeah, I think sometimes it's even just changing things up even if you don't break out of the Comfort zone if you will even just changing the routine if you've gotten into a set routine You're going through the same things every day and it was all designed to keep you away from your anxiety Well change it up eat something different. I don't know, you know get up earlier or later or Sometimes it's it's a matter of just changing or you know kind of overcoming inertia part of it Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think and You know these are hard this is because there you can't really there's no concrete things sometimes behind it, but Yeah, believing in yourself is a huge thing and I think feeling competent So sometimes maybe I've seen people who've said even though they're still maybe stuck at home or whatever They're unable to work. They will start taking up hobbies that challenge them I don't know maybe try to learn to play a musical instrument or try to learn a new language Or something these are things that you can do without getting out of your comfort zone if you need to But to start to build a feeling of competence Yeah, in something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you build a birdhouse do something that isn't accomplishment I think that that's another thing that starts to help, you know Because your confidence kind of rode away also and then yeah, yeah You could lose your confidence you could start to despair You could feel like what's the point you start to feel hopeless or helpless and and those are recipes for depression So I think this is this is why at some point that spark and your gut would have that fire whatever it is It's it's never fully goes out You just have to try and find a way to find it. Yeah, you gotta try and ignite it That's it. Just do whatever it takes. Yeah, there will be something just to make you feel worth it I guess that's the thing, isn't it? Like you say, yeah birdhouse and when you finish building that birdhouse you're gonna have a sense of accomplishment and Worth it's something you did you did something. Yeah. Yeah, and sometimes it has to be little tiny things You know organize your sock drawer, you know, I don't know You know clean that room that you haven't been cleaned for two years. You keep saying you want to clean Whatever it is that makes some sort of accomplishment. I saw a video not too long ago It's one of those things where it's like one of those videos it just gets passed around on social media And it was like some US Navy admiral giving some graduation speech And it starts with if you want to change your life start by making your bed And that's like the title of the video and people watching may have seen this it went viral And I listened to the guy give his speech and it was pretty good And as funny as that sounds like like a clickbait title It literally is how he started his speech if you want to change your life start by making your bed Because then you will have started the day with an accomplishment and it was had a very military Vibe to it and the way they do in the military, but you know what there's actually wisdom in that You will start your day having accomplished something so I'll pass that along too You know if you feel like you can't find the spark or you can't find that thing that makes you want to get busy living Instead of just waiting Yeah, what I don't know Get up and make your bed if you don't already do it start with that Maybe that's something start to build some sort of feeling of competency and And confidence, you know and to get you to that point That's it. I think so you know you mentioned something too like you have to feel like you're worth it I think you know what I would say to and I feel really strong about this sort of thing There are people who I Mean there are people who live through absolutely atrocious experiences in this world. Yeah Yeah, I mean literally abuse and rape and horrible child abuse and there are people who are prisoners of war for long times and held hostage and People who literally are close to starving to death every day and and those people get up every morning and still Somehow managed to get through a day Yeah, and and many times get out of those situations and survive them and and thrive so This is not a political thing but here in the US we have a US senator by the name of John McCain who has he's been there forever And he's he's an older Yeah, John McCain. I mean John McCain has an amazing story. He was a prisoner of war I mean the man lived just an atrocious thing that would you know, you would think I can't possibly survive that but He adapted to being a freaking prisoner of war He was he was held against his will by the enemy for however long it was Unfortunately, I don't know his exact story and he is now a US senator. He you know, so I mean come on That is what is inside a human being. So when you think yeah So, you know what? Maybe you feel like your anxiety and your panic and your agoraphobia is really strong and powerful and Scary and horrible and you don't want to face it. Well, I would say f that because you know Inside every human being is built in whatever it was that got John McCain out of a freaking prisoner of war camp into the US Senate for Christ's sake, so What he's no better than me or you or anybody that's listening Hugh or Laura or anyone else So take a lesson from people who live through freaking atrocities Tornadoes wipe out homes Hurricanes wipe out homes and entire villages and yet ten years later. Those people are still alive then rebuilding things So really like is your panic so horrible that you can't you want to hide from it? Yeah, you know what I mean? So there Perfect little rant, but you know, no, but the initial reaction from people That are watching this is probably like he's belittling my anxiety saying that he had to deal with the worst But that's not what you're saying. No, what you're saying is is that the human Mind and the human body can get over Anything that's what he's saying virtually everything and if they can do it then why the can't we do it? That's exactly right. That's the point and I'm not saying no, I'm not belittling anything I yeah, yeah, I'm trying to put it in some sort of and I live that too I mean if you watch the last episode go back and watch episode 17 if you didn't I tell you the whole story of what I Was through I'm not belittling anything, but in the end let's be realistic You may have a panic attack number 700 None of which has put you in a grave beforehand or maybe you won't but you know You could also have a tornado or an earthquake wipe out your entire You know everything you have in the world and you would get up the next morning and start rebuilding your house stick by stick people have people literally suffer strokes and and brain traumas and You know learn to speak and walk again and and things like that So I mean that's where I got you know what I'm trying to do. I'm not trying to belittle anybody I'm trying to inspire people and I'm trying to tell you like that's where I got some of my inspiration Exactly even to the point of sitting in my car some mornings and looking at the people around me and thinking You know, I remember sitting in the parking lot of a diner near my house one morning I'm just sitting there in an anxious mess and looking at people who Parked their cars got out and went into the diner to have coffee or breakfast or whatever And you know what everybody looked like shit for the most part. It was it was early in the morning They had bags under their eyes Nobody jumped out of their car with a spring in their step and a smile on their face Everybody was dragging ass probably going to breakfast and then to a job that maybe they didn't want to go to when I looked Yeah, those people said they probably feel every bit as bad as I do right now That guy might not have slept that woman over there might have the flu I don't know but she's not hiding in her car over it Yeah, and I really that's where the spark came. I think in a lot of ways from me I had to look at look at that the perspective for me is I wish I had that view that you do Yeah, the view for me is if I was sitting in that diner car park and I was looking at them I'd be pissed off at those people were able to go in there Okay, that's like that's the negative view that I would have on them Like when I'm sitting outside a supermarket and my missus goes in and I'm sitting there I'm thinking like how yeah How do they just get out of their car and go and do that stuff when they probably are feeling as shit as I am But like how do they do it? I? Prefer your method than mine. Well, so this is good. This is actually a good little point here Yeah, yeah, so I will look at those people and to me they were models for me Like I will let you model what I should be doing and I'm not gonna say that it made me say like oh I'm fine. It wasn't like an instantaneous turn. Yeah. Yeah. No no for me that that you're no worse than them, right? And it was and you know what I realized was they probably feel every bit as physically bad as I do or maybe I mean They were all not on a panic. I understand But in a way they all had bills coming through the post right they That I was so here's the difference what I saw was two things number one The difference is when that guy who gets out of his car and drags his ass into the diner to have coffee And then go to a job that maybe he doesn't like He he has stress he doesn't like it. He's sleep deprived He might be a little under the weather he might physically feel beaten up or old or whatever out of shape But he doesn't interpret that as danger so to me I thought well That's the difference between me and him like my interpretation of this is I gotta run from this his interpretation of this is well This sucks, but or no interpretation. He just gets he just does it So I looked I tried to really think like what's the difference between me and that guy or me and that woman and the difference Was how we were interpreting our circumstance? Yeah, and I can control that I can interpret it differently So that was like a glimmer of hope and then the other thing was Like all right I can look at them as models not not like to live like them But all right He just got out of his car and closed the door and hit the little lock thing and just walked one foot for us I'm just gonna do that like I'm gonna feel like crap doing it but I'll just model I'll just act like he's acting and And after a while when you do that and so like I'm terrified I'm shaking I'm panicky, but I'm just gonna keep acting like that guy over there is acting Mm-hmm all of a sudden you're not acting like it anymore whereas I'm sitting there thinking his life. He's perfect Far from it. I don't think the way he locked his car right. He was so confident with that key fob that yeah He must have no stress. Yeah, he's paid kids are at university. Yeah, absolutely The dog opens the door for him when he gets home And it's shining mansion on the hill And I think in the end so to get back to our original thing of you know, how do you get over so for Laura? You know, what how do I know I might say it's just think that was a really cool effect That was like 3d the baby. Yes when you blew the smoke. I want to do this Is that the next the next trend? Yes, we will be 3d next week. We'll be in 3d people in the week after that I'm gonna drop a diss track Oh We're talking about oh so for Laura, how do I know it's anxiety you tell me it's just anxiety But what if it's really not? Well, I mean you have to weigh the evidence I mean you after a ton of medical examinations where many intelligent people are telling you you're physically fine It comes down to this like make the decision. You just have to find the spark to decide screw it I'm just doing it. I'll take the risk that my alien cancer that I have is undetected But what's the difference if you sit on the sofa? It's still good. You're still gonna have the same thing So, you know and try and look around the people around you and to you like how do you do? You know doing the dad stuff picking up the kids and you know helping your wife with the supermarket or brawn or whatever it is You know what to I would say to you like look at look at what his wife with your wife is doing You know, she's taking the kids to school. So just act like she does even if it even if you hate it Just act like she does the act thing The act thing I'm a big fan as in yeah. Yeah, I was gonna say because it is almost like taking honor an alter ego in it It's like just just being somebody else just pretending to be somebody else and just Here's why I love the act as if that's how I heard it act as yeah act as if everything Some people I've heard so like fake it till you make it however way you you know, whatever your diversion it doesn't matter But to me what I thought act as if was brilliant to me because it removed the interpretation and the judgment So yeah, I have these thoughts. I have these physical sensations. I'm interpreting them Catastrophically I'm judging them negatively. I'm giving them huge amount of weights that they probably don't deserve Well, how do I not do that? Just just act as if they're not there Yeah, and so it's it's robotic and it's at first. It's really Awkward and it's forced like you're truly just going through the motions But it's like anything else. You're learning a skill again So yeah, yeah to me act as if was brilliant in a lot of ways Like it was a good easy framework to start moving forward and and it helped remove Those act as if you're not anxious you are it's fine. You are an act as if you're not panicking I am panicking but I'm gonna act as if I'm not and I Know I know it sounds so like bloody easy right when I say it, but yeah, I I don't know. I'm a big fan of act as if No, I like it. Yeah, I like it. I've used it in the past when I've done stuff And I just trying to act that I got when I was dealing with when I had stopped taking the anti-depressants And I was going through that withdrawal or re-adaptation whatever the hell we call it I was very active on a message board that was associated with that and there was a woman there who Who had one I had never heard that before and she talked Yeah, she said that the way she gets to her day She just acts as if and it was freaking brilliant. So Lisa I'm sure Lisa is not listening. I will never have any contact with Lisa again Maybe one day. Well, but boy, I owe her big because that was that was a big component act as if you got a lot That's I do have a lot of deaths. Damn. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with those But yeah, Lisa was a huge help when she taught me to act as if you're now paying it forward, mate That's the that's part of the reason why I do it I get to tell you something to act as if and like modeling other people my kids and my kids were little they were they they helped me They were they modeled behaviors for me and I just followed it like I'm gonna act just like my daughter's acting right now Yeah, you know, she didn't know that but that's what dad was doing big goofball Dancing around in a 2-2 Yeah, I don't have yeah, I'm destroying those videos This black male So anyway, that that's I don't know Hopefully we've sort of addressed that get busy living or get busy dying There's a kid comes down to your gut find a way to find that fire. It's in everybody It's in you just you got to find it and use it sooner or later. Yeah, that's it You got to put yourself in those positions. We've said it so many times So what do we do you ain't getting any questions are the questions we want to take we usually do questions at the end Got some questions. Let me just have a look. This is the bit where you this is that yes This is right today. Oh, I've got some some interesting news to share. Okay, lay down It relates to the bowling. Oh bowling the bowling thing hasn't gone. I haven't been bowling But on Sunday last week on sky news Which is like the big news. Have you heard of sky news? Yeah, I've heard sky. Yeah There was a big news alert like half two on Sunday afternoon that the bowling place in the Neaton Which is where I would have gone right had had been locked down because there was a guy with a shotgun that had taken two Fricking hostages Seriously, really? Seriously. Yeah, yeah And it was all over the news for like four hours. That was that's why I didn't go bowling Sunday So that's cleared that one up. Wow. Okay. Thank you. That this is why you didn't go bowling that day Yeah, I was gonna go that day honest. That was the one day someone keeps asking about bowling Olive Olivia Olivia. Yeah, she keeps asking about the bowling. I do want to make my wife went bowling last night with her mate But I didn't go there you go Just in case I'm gonna look at my YouTube while you're looking to see the house, okay? There was some I remember I don't know whether it was a question or whether I've just imagined it but somebody was saying about Exposure therapy and just Or what's the process of actually going through like talk through the ex the exposure process like actually getting out and Doing whatever it is like what's the thoughts and the feelings that we used to have and stuff like that I don't know whether we should save that for Something else, but like almost visualizing one of our exposures. Okay. I'm just maybe talking about Exactly what we went through the actual like what the experience really was yeah, yeah So the process of it Billy has some awesome exposure videos. I know that you could actually watch him go through, right? I mean, yeah, you still have them up, right? Yeah There's one in particular I was looking back on it yesterday I was talking to one of our viewers about it on Facebook and it was the one where I was walking up and down the High Street yeah, and it's like because it was last year that I did that it was this time last year that I was Attempting to get from one end of the high street to the other and I still haven't done it still haven't actually But I did it for like a week I was doing it every day right going to park in this one car park at one end and then just walking and I'd walk Like 200 yards the first day back to the car. Okay? And like I got to the end of the week and I was really planning and I was telling like saying on the videos By the end of the week, I'm gonna walk the high street But I didn't like I think it was about the fifth day or something I had a major freak out and then I just didn't bother doing it anymore and that's the point is like Getting over that one bad experience because you can have 50 good ones, but the minute that you have a bad one it just feels like We're back to square one. That's a horrible feeling. Yeah, that's tough And I think we probably mentioned this before I feel like so much of this the survival instinct that's built into all of us I think does really play a big role It's so strong that any time we we have an experience that we interpret as dangerous or threatening You know, we can you can go backwards so much faster that you can go forwards It sucks but and isn't isn't it interesting that like I did that walk so many times Yeah, but the only ones that really stand out in my mind are the bad ones Like you don't we don't celebrate the victories enough, do we that's the way it is I mean, you know, and I think that's pretty nor it's like kind of human nature We the free folks. Yeah, you know, I don't know why yeah in my business We always laugh because you know, like we have to deal with our clients and you know customer service sort of stuff And I always tell people like nobody's gonna call us to say I love you man They only call me when they're when they're angry. So yeah, we focus on the negative. So We could go through that I think that's kind of cool Like let's go through the nuts and bolts of an actual exposure session Maybe we could do one day is like maybe go through a video and sort of as we well I was I was thinking like the director's cut of your walk up. Yeah. Yeah, because I really want to get back into it Yeah, I feel that there's a few sparks igniting like over the past week or so and I really want to get back into it So maybe even if we could sort of set I don't know if there's other people that are interested in joining along I know that Johnny Q did loads of stuff off the back of my 31 days of my stuff I read that so if anybody wants to Attempt to do something maybe we could sort of set a task and then obviously I'll go and do it And if other people want to do it and just share it and then we can maybe I'll put a video one of me doing it Yeah, and we can sort of go through it I don't know just something like that because I want to work on myself and other people obviously want to work on Themselves, so maybe if we can tie it into the podcast in some way, you know, yeah I know one thing that we could do with exposure that would be really cool I like that like let's set a task like okay today this week's task is gonna be this And we could maybe set something up on Facebook. I have If you go to Facebook.com slash that anxiety guy. I think there's a link I'll put the link in it too. I did set up like a little discussion group associated with my I'm gonna start putting it in the Description and I did it just on a whim because Facebook. Hey look you can do this. So I did it And you know and Billy and I share this common experience when we have been in that type of environment I don't care where it is my pager. I don't care, but Yeah, we could do it and you could share video it's it's a closed group So you have to ask to join which you know, I try and be diligent about getting people in quick But you know if we set a task and you want to join in and discuss it, you know We'll maybe post a video you can post a video on your channel We could talk about it here and yeah, you want to join in and make video while you're doing the task If you're watching us and you want to join in that would that would be the ultimate for me It would be to have other people Yes, exactly with the same thing with you and Chris. That's where it started for you Yeah, and that's where it started for me was with watching yours and with watching other people's So like if I can get that sort of sure Back and forth going with anybody else. Yeah, and whether you want to discuss in the group what your exposure was like your success Your failure talk about or post your own video go live while you do it. I can promise you this It's a closed group. I will never I'm sure Billy would agree with this I would never share that video outside the group. Yeah, you know on YouTube or anything like that So I that's you know, I understand how serious that is But yeah, whoever wants to get involved with that we can go a long way with exposure on that stuff Yeah, yeah, I think that'd be cool. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah, so check the link in the description Yeah, you do anything else pause the video Yeah, and ask to join the group and I'll I'll try and get you in and I don't know if I can I might be able to make you an admin on the group Billy. So, you know, I should be able to Give me power. Don't give me power. Do not give him power. We've seen it gone awry before There was a whole incident with the Falkland Islands. That was all Guys I got one that this is from a week ago. It was actually on our episode 15 This is on YouTube fitness freak beauty, which is such a cool name I'm currently agoraphobic. I'm currently agoraphobic and I'm getting back on exposure therapy again with my bike awesome I love that you spoke about jobs because there was a sub shop a sandwich shop We call them subs here five minutes away from my house. I'm working on getting back there I'd love to work there. How do you go being? How do you go from being agoraphobic to working again? It's our question I don't want to get hired and then not being able to physically stay and lose the job And so she asked could I should I focus on exposures instead of a job? and I did answer it on youtube and The answer to that really is you don't go from being agoraphobic to having a job Overnight in two days or yeah so So what I told her was yes focus on the exposure because if her job You know if her goal was to get to that subshop So she could get a job there The first thing you got to be able to do is get out the door and stay out the door You know, even if it's only in your front yard And then then you have to be able to stay out the door a little further from your house And a little further from your house And so she would I told her that she should be working on building getting to that subshop Yeah, yeah eating there sitting there for an hour and you know Checking her email or watching a video or something watching us So how do you go from agoraphobic to a job? Step by step one step at a time Yeah, yeah some but one of my friends Uh messaged me yesterday and said he needs to go to the dentist Like how but he's terrified of just going out the door alone going to the dentist Most people are nervous about that anyway And he said how should he do it and I that was my suggestion like try driving to the car park near the dentist Wow, it never fails. I'm just gonna we'll let it ring. Yeah, sure Can you still hear me? So I said about him going to park in the car park by the dentist And then maybe getting out the car walking to the dentist And then maybe call the dentist and just speak to the receptionist and say Like is there any chance I can just come and sit in the waiting room for half an hour or whatever You know because they wouldn't mind and nobody else in there is going to know Why you're going to do that But just those little steps if you could maybe spend a couple of weeks doing that And then you'd end up being comfortable comfortable in the place. Yeah, that's all right And yeah, that's really good advice. So yeah, and how do you build my mate saying I can't believe you just mentioned that Yeah, come on. My dentist will kick me out of the waiting room Yeah, but that's how you build any of these tasks So if you're stuck at home and you you have to go to see the dentist or the doctor You know or you want to get a job you just you build them step at a time if you can't even get out of the house Don't worry about the dentist. Just work on getting out in your front yard You know and although although people might think oh, well great once I've done that for like a month I'll be able to go to the dentist but nowhere else But it doesn't work like that. Does it once you can actually go to the dentist? You'll have you'll notice That you're able to do so many more things and that's getting yeah, that's exactly right Like there might be people that say don't focus on just doing one thing But if you can master that one thing If you try something else you'll notice that because you could deal with the feelings doing that you can now deal with the feelings doing This that and the other. Yes, that's true. In fact, I had in that discussion group on facebook facebook.com group slash tag forum, I think anyway, but uh Who wrote in there stick with me for a second here Um in that group, I had somebody who posted about that That she was having problems getting to the doctor and the dentist and she started putting she grouped them all together Um, it was a really good post. Did you see that? Yeah, I really liked it and she was she decided she would Um group all the things together, which was great and and once she was able to do one It was easy to do the other I think the point is Yeah, if you do it one at a time one step at a time and rebuild these things one little piece at a time You'll build competency in other areas too. So yeah, and and you know If you get involved in a discussion and like like this sort of stuff in the group or commenting on our videos and reading other People's comments, you'll get some inspiration. I think from other people. It's possible Yeah, yeah, she was a basket case thinking about going to the doctor and now she was like pretty comfortable going to the doctor So there you go. I love I love that stuff There you go Got any others that we want to address Here's a good one from paul off youtube Is it possible to overcome anxiety if you're taking medication that contributes to your mental health issues without coming off it? It's an interesting question. That's it. Yeah Is the is the key to try and wean off The medication first or can you overcome anxiety whilst on medication? Sooner or later. Yeah, is it just masking over the problem? Do you always sort of go back downhill when you come off it? Or can you stay on it forever? I think sooner or later. We're gonna have to talk about this whole medication thing It's gonna we're gonna have to do a medication episode or episodes So so she's taking medication that is contributing to her mental health issues, which can happen Like there are medications that are solving certain problems. Like every medication has some sort of side effect everyone um So maybe she's taking something that's actually making her feel anxious or you feel depressed and and there are medications that'll do that You know, we talked about act as if I can say from first hand experience when I was dealing With when I stopped taking antidepressants and my brain was re adapting to life without them And I was just a heart, you know a neurotransmitter mess Yeah All which was similar. So, you know, there's nothing I could do. I couldn't stop that from happening It's just a biological condition. Same thing is that she's taking these medications I I just had to you know, accept that it was there and act as if I couldn't make it go away I just had to learn to not let it rule me. So I know that's kind of a crappy answer, but I'm not accepting it Try again It's you know, yeah It's hard to say if you have to take the medication because there's some medical condition that you're addressing See, I I read the question differently to you But you've just that is exactly what the question is But I was thinking that the question was if you're on say antidepressants Can you overcome anxiety whilst you're on them? That's that's a different question. You know, I mean, can you actually overcome anxiety? Yeah whilst I'm antidepressants or do they just numb you to Not feeling it or what? I don't know. I've never taken them. So I I have no experience I have tremendous amounts of experience in that area. Yeah, and my experience was initially Overwhelmingly positive because I thought it was the greatest thing ever and then overwhelmingly negative at the end. So I've been on all points in that spectrum, but I think that's that's for its own show for sure or multiple episodes The quick answer and it's my opinion. This is just my opinion I do not believe that you can fully get past these issues while you have some chemical shield in front of you Because in even in the end and I know many people who are taking these medications who have taken them for years Who are tolerating bad side effects? Because they think they have to Yeah, or people who are taking like benzodiazepines Or Zana what we call them xanax or prosa out now or valium or so, you know at a van In the u.s. I don't know what you call them in the u.k. But Your tranquilizers, maybe the senator. Yeah diazepam if it ends at a m It's it's a it's a benzo. So if you're taking one of those I know people who take those and have taken them regularly for years and years and years That still can't leave their homes and they have crippling panic attacks So those medications are no longer working But they're still taking them because they're they're crutches or their safety behaviors. They're rituals that they they have to follow so My my opinion I don't want to get too deep into it now because it's just a quick But quickly my opinion of that is no at some point you've got to leave that crutch behind You have to leave it behind My opinion is that I need to learn to read the questions properly And understand them. Well, but you know what that's a good question Her question was good as asked, but but your interpretation is also a question. Yeah, I know we got so So there you go Right. Yeah, do you have any others? I don't I don't think I think this is from kate She's working on exposure therapy every time she reaches a point The thought process goes from calm to I need to run or don't do this or oh my god I'm stuck at this traffic light what would be a good technique to use so she's not white knuckling it and panicking the entire time She wants exposure therapy to count and not just be a ball of panic that doesn't get her anywhere. Okay So it's again, it's it's the interpretation, isn't it? It is It's the interpretation and the expectation of what exposure is supposed to do Yeah, we've said this many times exposures aren't going to make your panic go away In fact, exposure will make you panic. It's especially in the beginning The option in the game is not to make it not happen. It's to let it happen and not care That's my answer to that I was just thinking like the difference is between a planned exposure and An unplanned exposure. I don't think we've ever talked about stuff like that We have not Your missus takes you to go shopping one day and then the next day you plan to just go and sit in the supermarket car park I wonder what the varying differences are between how you Maybe Yeah, yeah, you know what I think maybe the forced stuff would probably be Go on. What are you gonna say? It depends on what it is I think unplanned if you have to if you're stuck in your house and somehow or other Circumstances propel you to get in a plane and fly to another city That that's a tough one If you're stuck in your house, but somehow you had, you know, your your kid got hurt at school Minor injury. Hopefully, you know, and you had to go and take care of your kid That's an holiday this week. What the hell is she doing at school? There you go That is an unplanned. She's hanging out in the schoolyard making trouble Say that that that is that would be an unplanned exposure and and I think I think Unplanned exposures. Well, you had a situation not too long ago with your dad. He was just gonna say that Yeah, I was just thinking about that Right, but you just did it you you've mentioned many times how like well, you weren't really thinking about yourself I got that call. I got the call in the morning and it was just you just do it I once got stopped by the police I don't know why I'm telling you this. I once got stopped by the police in my car. It was just a routine stop But I felt really guilty Yeah, yeah, and like I've said it's I think I've said it so many times But when you're under pressure like that or when I'm under pressure like that if something's kicking off or if something's Major happening. I just deal with it. I deal with it so much better than if My kid was to ask me if I wanted to go to the shop and it's ridiculous Like the time I got stopped the police I had to get out my car sitting in the back of theirs They went through all my documents and everything and everything was fine and that but like I was absolutely bloody fine How crazy but if I'd have gone if my daughter had said can we just nip him at donald's and grab six chicken nuggets? Nope a bit of basket case. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. So sometimes Exposure is planned versus unplanned is sometimes the unplanned exposure are the best one You don't have the opportunity to have that anticipation the anticipatory anxiety You just got to go and do something sometimes are the best ones But I think to address the question though that you got she wants exposure to count and not just be a ball of panic Well, you're supposed to be a ball of panic. So if you if you are pushing yourself to do something that makes you panic You are actually doing it, right? Yeah, yeah, the goal of that exposure is to teach you that you do not have to be afraid to panic so Sorry, but the goal of the exposure is to be really uncomfortable So don't get stopped by the police go in mcdonald's Well, it's always the bad news though. So that you know, you're you're supposed to be a ball of panic You are supposed to be uncomfortable Yeah, yeah, I know that sounds, you know a little bit like sadistic of me or I'm suggesting that people should be That's the only way that you can learn But the goal of the exposure is to be uncomfortable so you can learn that you don't have to be afraid of being uncomfortable So we've said that hundreds of times Yeah, on the 31 days of May when I was doing the walks and I was feeling great Yeah Nothing but on the days when I felt like crap before I went and did it and came back that was when I felt an achievement Right. So it's crazy. It sounds the ones where you feel the exposure where you feel badly Is the one that actually counts more than anything else? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah So I think that the the person who asked that question has it backwards, you know, you're not trying not to panic You actually do want to be uncomfortable and learn that you don't have to be afraid of that Good point. Yep It's over that. Yep. I'll look I think I may have one more that came up Um, it you know what I I would really encourage people to get involved in this group. Um We'll definitely put the thing in the the link in there Yeah, yeah, um, do we do you know anything about is it atrial fibrillation? Oh, yeah, you know what that's a good point atrial. No, I'm not a cardiologist Um, I I know about premature ventricular contraction because I have them and most of us do A fib is a different thing It was a question from Mary just saying do you have any suggestions how to deal with health anxiety when you have health conditions that aren't caused by anxiety, right? She has a Yeah, she has a fib heart can go crazy at any time any place Having a hard time to manage the fear of possible a fib episode and it's causing her to avoid so many things Because that's a really because you can't really Suggest how to Fix it if you don't know what it feels like, I guess Well, agree. Yes And I think You left me hanging then. Oh god. No, no, no I didn't leave you hanging. I was I was also reading That's a those are real concerns. So here's the bad news sometimes We can't engineer everything bad out of our lives So, you know a real medical condition Is a real medical condition and and yeah atrial fibrillation. I'm sure it's scary I don't have a direct experience with it But I know there are professional athletes that I've known have been diagnosed with that they had to end their careers over it It's I think it's manageable. She's there's probably medication and whatnot. I'm not gonna Yeah, I'm talking about the the ins and outs of the a fib, but Yeah, it's just concerning. It's scary. It's it's I suppose maybe separating separating the two Yes, so anxiety is anxiety You know, yeah But but I think it's probably reasonably natural to be anxious about possibly having an atrial fibrillation episode Look at me when I had a cold a couple of weeks ago. You know, it's a thing Yeah, yeah, you know, I I don't there's no Magic bullet that somehow gets us around feeling badly about real medical conditions. They they're real and sometimes in the Having anxiety about them. I think the best way it probably is you have to separate What anxiety are we talking about? Is it anxiety about being anxious or it is anxiety about, you know, in her case having an irregular heartbeat Yeah, yeah, the irregular heartbeat one is normal like welcome to being human. You will probably have some anxiety over that I would I think you would we all would But there's a difference between that which is an actual concrete thing that you would not we that you do want to avoid And you want to you'd be anxious over versus I'm anxious just because I don't want to be anxious I don't want to panic So Yeah, you have to separate them. You're right. That's that's that's probably a weak answer, but I think it's probably accurate We'll take that one. We'll take that one But it leads me to another one. I had somebody actually get a message on facebook And I think it was also talked about in this group a little bit vision issues Again, the nuts and bolts of the vision issues. I don't want to go into that much because I'm not an expert at that stuff, but When there are real medical conditions, I mean also I don't want to say this. I'm not gonna say what I was gonna say vision issues vision issues. Yes So same situation this person has has developed some actual vision issues There are real things that could be wrong with your eyes. My eyes don't work. I don't have the worst vision ever, but um Floaters and color problems and things of the nature. There's a real things that can happen and not Some of it could be exacerbated by anxiety, but some of it is not so we sometimes It's really hard when you have those actual conditions, but to separate that we need to do a video on symptoms like Probably digging down into each because I get the vision stuff. I get the vision stuff bad Sometimes it doesn't it doesn't seem to bother me as much anymore, but like floaters and just weird Peripheral vision seeing shit all over the place. Sure. Sure You know, I get all that stuff, but but I've had my I've had I've had eye tests and stuff So I know yeah, but if there was anything then they would have picked up a man and eye test isn't that scary No, like I've had eye tests at home Where the what are they optometrist? That's how much risk. Yeah Wow I'm good. Yeah, thank you They've come to the house and like put all the lenses in and all that kind of stuff and do the tests and is it glow? Glow come I call my yeah Geez I am full of it. You are put this dictionary away You don't need it. Yeah. Yeah So, yeah, I've had that so if any if you do have visual issues you can get eye tests at home If that would but I mean it's not ideal because ideally we should be going to the optician I can think of the difficult words But yeah, I've time I should be going there and you should be having it and I've had eye tests in store before But like I don't know. It's probably about a year ago. I had one come out Right do all the stuff and everything was fine and that kind of put my visual issues to bed But yeah, I think and plus you could have vision issues that people with that anxiety have the same issues Yeah, yeah floaters and flashes and things but especially as we start to get older Our eyes sometimes do funky things Something else this is like nobody's mentioned it, but like night terrors There's probably people that get that kind of stuff Probably I get a lot of stuff where I wake in the night and I see Like people I've had stuff where I've woke up and there's been people standing next to the bed Like I've kicked out and jumped out of bed before and stuff like that like real crazy like my missus Thinks I'm a nutter Like she'll wake up and I'll be like standing over the other side of the room and she'll say what's up And I'll just be like, oh, there was just somebody standing there Yeah, obviously there isn't that's not exciting. That's your house is haunted dude. You might want to you might want to move Yeah Just say ease. Yeah, hold discussion on ghosts No, I mean No, but it is because like within is a powerful thing. Yeah. Yeah, exactly Exactly and sometimes that's a carryover from dreaming You know, you're you're sort of awake, but you're not really awake kind of thing They're not ghosts. Sure. They're not no, they're definitely not ghosts Those are your ancestors from Valhalla there, too It's not a log fleam. Valhalla is a log fleam in Blackpool Uh, what else can I say here? Um, I'm just going through the group a little bit Go for it Oh atrial fibrillation. Maybe it was the same person Mary Mary. Yeah, okay. There you go. There you go. Um See This is Jackie who talked about going to the doctor. Anyway, now I'm just scrolling through facebook and that's boring Donna who says I was still listening. Oh people who make it all over to the end We're up to an almost an hour on this one again, too You know what the hour the hour-long episode the hour-long episode we yeah We put out more live we put out more television than like friends Seinfeld was a half hour and that guy made millions doing that We're doing an hour at a time like it's nothing Some people know that we have one advert at the start come on How many ads would you're in Seinfeld? Well, Donna was still listening and she posted in here Figure I was still listening. Thank you. Thank you, Donna. We appreciate that. It's funny because I looked at my youtube stats I we were talking about the app on my phone. I never look and um I saw that the average view time was like 21 minutes and I'm thinking well people are bailing then because we're doing 40 and 50 minutes Yeah, man. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty good. That's pretty good for him to get that freaking far I guess especially with the rude guy on the right Yeah, I see we got a lot of mileage out of the rude comment. That was so funny. Um All right, I think we're probably summed it up here get busy living or get busy dying find it in your gut to like Yeah, just find that shit because you you have it. It is there Do it do something today that that's that reminds yourself that it's still there and uh Join the discussion group and let's get some community. That's it. That's the that's the main thing for me To take away at the moment is to get people in the group. The link is in the comments I mean the link is in the description. Sure idiot. Yep Join it and let's try and We'll work on something if there's like with the exposure task thing. I think that'd be awesome I think whatever it is. It doesn't matter what level you're at. No, we can all we can all do whatever it is It's not going to be climb the empire state building the first week. We'll save that Sure. We seven week two seven. You're very lean. I was thinking week three tops, but It's really cool. I would encourage people to do it too because there's a lot of inspiration to be had I will say this about the group before we sign off. I guess Hey, it's my group and in this case, I am not going to let it become a symptom fest. Sorry. I'm just not So I understand we all need to reassurance sometimes but I yeah, this is this is all about encouraging each other and inspiring each other and cheering each other on And and and commiserating when we have to which is normal. We do have to do that But I I like to focus on moving forward as opposed to just being sobbing about being stuck So yeah, and I think it's we're off to a good start. It's a good group of people. So let's join join us. So Let's do it. Hi peeps. Thanks for tuning in. Yeah, we're done. We're out. We're done We'll see you next week for episode 19 and we'll figure out two minutes before we go in the air We're going to talk about like we usually do So I'm looking forward to it already seems to be working out pretty well though I love it. I may be on the best days the best day. I'll have a different background next time I'll sit in a different room. I don't know. I feel like I need a change of scenery. Maybe We'll think about you have a good setup. All right guys, we'll see you next week. Thanks for tuning in. Cheers