 other rooms today. Pop on because I was just on Instagram and I'd never come on here. Let me see something here though. A little change of scenery today and I was on Instagram doing a live. I'm back on the home front and see when I was shooting my videos I didn't really mention you know where I was and what I was doing just because I'm always thinking about the safety of my family and although I live in a triple gated neighborhood with 24 hour security and you can't get in the gate unless you talk to a human being and they have to call me to let you in I still am cautious just because you never know what extent somebody will try to go to and so or if it's somebody else that live in the neighborhood and they got a friend or family member that robbed and they called them and they let them in and then they person come so see I'll be thinking like that and so that's why I really was didn't say a date or how long I'll be gone or how long I'll be away because I didn't want to get nobody no ideas but I'm back on the home front I was away shooting a TV show the way TV work you don't really know if it's gonna air or when it airs or it should air but you know it just no guarantees with that stuff and so you technically not not supposed to talk about it it's nothing major on my part just a new venture that I was asked to be a part of and so I was doing that for a couple weeks and back here and trying to get back into the routine of things but where I was was three hours behind so my body clock still adjusting so I've been constant headache you know just trying to get my sleep right so that's been a little struggle but I want to pop on here today and just kind of chat with the blessed tribe if you're not in the blessed tribe then you can't comment to my knowledge so you see everybody that's commenting as blessed tribe members want to say thank you to the blessed tribes whether you're in the blessed tribe or the business blessed business tribe appreciate you and share just put Tony guys of the Academy in there right now the courses on Tony guys of the Academy listed at 50% off if you already got a course that you got an email from me with another cold and but they listed at 50% off you don't have to put a code in just the price you see is the price that you pay so if there's a course on there that you need make sure you get on Tony guys of the Academy while that's available I plan to leave it up for the holiday season Lord willing but um I had been thinking and I was talking about this on Instagram and this is something that I would love for it the message could be for any and everybody but me being a man of course I look at it from the male perspective and I look at it but the same thing applies to a lot of women to women as well and the thing that I'm seeing happen right now is so many of us are operating from our pain and operating from our self-hate and we operate in the space of immaturity and irresponsibility and there are repercussions for that because it's so many people especially men who make a mistake or make a choice and never admit that mistake or choice but instead just live in it and act like it's normal and then we start to see our youth copy us and do the same thing and what I started doing with my son is I'll listen to a rapper and we'll listen to the rap and we will break down bar for bar and and I'll explain it to him and we'll talk about the ignorance in it and we'll get to the root of where it comes from and I start to help him understand the spirits that these artists are operating from and operating under and so this spirit of depression this spirit of promiscuity this spirit of greed this spirit of lust this spirit of whatever it may be we are dressing that and I'm helping him understand and as he listened to the music because everybody else listened to the music I help him understand the difference between how his life is and so when he takes him listen to this music his attitude change his energy change his projection changes his relationship with me his relationship with his mom those things change but it's based on what he's feeding himself and then when he get out of line and he get in trouble and he loses his phone he loses his free time his video game time then his attitude changes in a positive way his relationship with me changes his relationship with his mama change his behavior in school changes and his life start to change so now here my 15 year old son who want to play pro pro soccer now that he doesn't have his phone or his video game now he's stretching every day now he's doing he's doing his homework earlier he already a straight-A student with one a-minus but 4.6 or 4.5 GPA but now he's being proactive now going to practice he watching highlights now he is reading his Bible every day praying every day he say he always do those things but now it's actually having an effect and so what I talked to him about is when you change your input then it changed your output when you remove something that was toxic or draining or had the wrong influence from your life and you put something else in now you getting something else out and so the thing about it is is we'll take and give our kids this music and we'll let them see how we live whether it be tattoos smoking drinking what have you and we don't explain where it come from we don't get to the root of it of why it happened and how we got into that and where that choice comes from and so they'll see it and they'll see it as normal and they'll see it and oh this what I'm supposed to do or this what I'm allowed to do or this makes sense and then they'll do it and it'll destroy them because they start doing it at a much younger age than what we do and so I have to talk to the youth about that and that's what we need right now because the state of our state of adults is very sad we're real sad right now because we're operating from desperation from weakness from ignorance from pain and trauma we're operating from this space and that's how we move in and I saw a young lady and then we promote our pain we promote our trauma we promote it as if it's a good thing as if it's healthy and we ignore the self-medication and then some people promote the self-medication meaning the drugs that they taking the things that they doing some people promote that as it's healthy and normal and I seen this young lady on the interview and she was like various ecstatic and braggadocious about sleeping with so many people in high school and from middle school to high school and in high school and she said she had slept with 30 guys in middle school this somebody daughter and so when this person gets on this interview and this interview start going viral and she's looking happy and excited about it there's a young girl who is in middle school who knows what sex is but sees this person is a celebrity with a lot of followers bragging about sleeping around from this little clip that goes viral and this young girl who doesn't have a father or a mother could live in a group home could live with her parents parents be overworking parents are addicts or just may not have the guidance she sees this and she said oh I'm gonna do that that sound fun sounds she had a lot of fun because the lady said I loved it I was sleeping around and I loved it I was having so much fun and it's like wow are you kidding me but that is how we doing as adults we just to find our ignorance we just to find our our trauma we just to find our our immaturity our brokenness we just to find it and we turn it into a business and we make in the light of it and we haven't far with it and not understanding that it's damaging the youth because now they getting into this stuff and they don't know what they get into they don't know what they into they don't know what they doing so the youth don't understand that smoking weed gonna destroy their life because they starting at such a young age they don't understand that alcohol can destroy their life that rap music and music with messages like that can destroy their life they don't understand that sleeping around can destroy their life they don't understand it but they get into it because adults are praising and promoting it like it's healthy and normal instead of addressing our pain and saying hey look I was lost I had no guidance I didn't have love I was insecure I was trying to fit in I saw Instagram celebrity bragging about sleeping with her rapper baby daddy on the first date it was a lot of praise in the comments and see that's the that's the crazy thing that is the crazy thing that we see like people taking in this ignorance and just promoting ignorance and then wonder why they child be five years old and the child five years old cussing out the teacher cussing the teacher out and why the child eight years old ten years old dressing and acting like a thug and then gonna actually go and get into that because it's been glorified and gonna lose their life it's so many young people losing their life or destroying their life from STD's or street violence because the lifestyles have been glorified and not explained like the people that's glory people are glorified without saying hey this is rooted in trauma this is rooted in pain this is rooted in ignorance this is rooted in insecurity like this is not a good thing I should not have done this I should not have operated from that place but that's where I was and I do not recommend you operated from that place people say to me all the time well Tony why you tell people to save themselves if you didn't save yourself because when I didn't save myself I was operating from a place of ignorance I was operating from a place of insecurity I was trying to fit in I was trying to be like everybody else I was ignoring the will and the word of God like I was not in right standing so I'm not finna tell you hey sleep with somebody on the first night hey it don't matter if you sleeping around I'm not gonna tell you that just because it turned out okay for me just because I'm you know here and and doing good I'm not gonna tell you to make the same mistakes that I made because the mistakes I made might kill you might destroy your life so I'm gonna tell you a do it the right way because if I could do it over I do it the right way and that's what we got to start doing because we hurting people and I'm seeing so many kids and I it's hard on me man it's hard on me raising your child because you don't want your child to be ostracized and alienated and so you let them do what every other kid doing and not realizing that it could destroy your child where it may not destroy other kids like and here's a prime example I'm gonna tell you a prime example the white kids listen to it's a lot of white kids listen to hip hop and it doesn't affect them at all it doesn't affect them at all like they behavior doesn't change like or it may be changed but it doesn't affect their life because they see the rapper as a character they see the rapper as somebody that they cannot relate to they see the rapper as a entertainer but see when black kids listen to rap music they see the rapper as an example they see the rapper as them they see the rapper as a way out so they see it totally different so when I was listening to Plies and Jeezy and they was rapping about the streets I got in the streets and I got deeper in the streets because the music I was listening to was exemplifying condoning promoting and praising the behavior so I say oh if they look like me and they have done this then I need to do this because this is a rite of passage to manhood and if I don't go live a street life I'm not a man or this other black man is tougher than me got more stripes than me got more respect than me got more clout than me got more experienced in me so let me go sell drugs let me go tote guns let me go live this lifestyle and I couldn't separate myself from it and most people depend on they mind and they heart except one side of it so almost every black man that listen to rap music accepts a side of it some gonna get into illegal lifestyle and some gonna get into the drugs some gonna get into the hairstyle some gonna get into the tattoos some gonna get into the clothing but it affects everybody and here's the thing but if the rapper would say man yeah I make music in the life I live is cuz I have no daddy it's cuz I was it's cuz I was scrawny and I and I was getting like bully I was getting picked on at like six seven so I joined the gang or I started the game in my neighborhood or I joined the game my neighborhood for protection because I was scared but if I could do it over I wouldn't join the game or I wouldn't do anything with the streets I just would just power through and just continue to be seen as a lane continue to be seen as a church boy or a good boy or mama's boy and I would focus on my schoolwork and I would have probably still love rap and I would have been rapping but my message would have been different because I wouldn't have went that route but I had to go that route cuz I had to fit in and I had to get protection in order to not be bullied because of how skinny I was or because of how light I was or because of where I come from if the rappers would say that in an interview then the kids would be like oh okay so you did that cuz you was weak oh you did that cuz you was insecure also you actually was considered a lane and that forced you to want to be hard oh okay all right so I'm good then cuz people don't bully me and people ain't calling me lame like people like me people like the way I laugh they like my sense of humor oh I play sports so ain't got to change so the kids will see it differently but when they see what they sin they like oh that's the way to go that's how I need to be that's what I need to act like and then they go and they they seek that out and so the same thing even with like with the young ladies they fall in love with the rappers and then they want a guy who looked like the rappers or act like the rappers dress like the rappers walk like the rapper talk like the rapper and don't realize that there if that rapper said a you know I make his music but the type of person that I am if the rapper said he don't trust women and he put hands on his women and he cheat on his women and he control his women and he dog his women out then the teenage girls who listen into his music will be like oh I don't want no man like you don't want no man that looked like you don't want no man to act like you and think like you but the rapper don't say that he just got all this money he got all this swag so now in the middle school in the high school girl that's how they want they boyfriend to walk talk act and look and then don't realize that that come with a mindset that come with a mentality they get in that relationship and then they can choke they can slap they can cheat it on they can punch they can push they can dawg out and don't realize that that's what they were seeking because that's what they admired and I seen this happen all around me with countless women who looking up to that type of man and ignoring the quote-unquote names ignoring the quote-unquote squares the good boys the church boys the mama boys whatever they was called ignoring those guys who would have treated them right got them flowers open door being faithful ignored those guys and went to the guys who operated from insecurity weakness immaturity and ignorance went to those guys and got dogged out got mistreated and it happened over and over and over and so what we really today what we need men to do is we need men to start speaking up and saying okay as I get to the root of this I realize that I'm weak that I'm lost that I'm hurting full of pain full of trauma and I'm self-medicated before that reason like we need men to start owning up and admitting their flaws their brokenness their weakness their mistakes and stop glossing over the mistake and trying to make it look good trying to make it look intentional trying to make it look like it was on purpose we need men to stop doing that and to start speaking into the life of their sons and daughters and saying hey this is how I this how I was this how I am this is what I did cuz a woman might be a little girl might be looking for her daddy when she get old enough to get a man she might be looking for a man like her daddy but if her daddy never told her that the type of man he is the way he talked the way he dressed the way he what he do to make money that the type of man he is cheating on his her mama put hands on her mama if that little girl know that she's not gonna stop loving her dad she gonna get mad at her she gonna ask them some tough questions but she gonna still love them and she gonna say oh okay so I need to dig a little deeper so okay daddy you got all them tattoos so she looking for a guy with all them tattoos but if she don't understand that all them tattoos come from insecurity on her daddy then she could go out and maybe her daddy confident not man maybe he got him for one reason and not his reasoning has changed his lifestyle has changed but if daddy don't say hey when I got these I was trying to fit in and look tough because I'm biracial or because I lived in the suburbs or because I wasn't a fighter and I didn't like to fight and I was kind of seen as a crybaby or because of my dad was a pastor or this or that and when he say I got it that was the reason so now when she go out and she see this man with this sleeve of tattoos she can say oh okay I wonder what his reasoning was because although my daddy didn't change and then grew and understand his weaknesses and where he was operated from this guy may still be in the thick of it and not doing that type of self-work and so this guy may be full of insecurity to the point that he becomes controlling and toxic and abusive so let me look a little deeper let me you know do a little more digging and see that's what we need men to start doing speaking up and speaking out so I could say yeah I used to be in the streets hustling and yeah I was trafficking across state lines trafficking across the country and I could glorify that but when I'm talking to the youth I say listen I made a very stupid choice because I was insecure because I wanted to look cool because I wanted some cloud because I wanted this or that so now when I make that known they're like oh okay so this ain't nothing to do then if I want to love myself I want to be confident and I want to have real success this is not something and that's the place we got to get to and when we get to that place things gonna start to change but it's sad out here man it's sad out here just to see men today operating from ignorance immaturity brokenness weakness pain it's just it's sad to see it's sad to see and what it's doing is it's breaking down the family it's breaking down the household and as men we got to change that and we got to get to a place to where we start to have some discipline and self-control because even with you know I'm it bothers me as a man that strip clubs exist that pornography sites and apps exist like all of this stuff is just a deviation all of this stuff is it's just it's a distraction you know it's toxic and it's stealing men from the home it's stealing men from their family and it's breaking men down these strip clubs the porn these escorts all of these bad choices that we're making the things we indulging in and operating from even the casinos now when um we was at a casino we was filming the tv show it was like it was a resort that had a casino in it there's a lot of women and uh oh like man I thought men only one supposed to have a gambling addiction it was women and uh a bunch of women and uh it looked almost 5050 I'm like my goodness so the state of man and woman is is terrible today it is terrible we lack self love we lack self love and we operating from a place of insecurity but it's largely coming from a place of comparison so we're comparing ourselves and we're not operating in the spirit that we should be operating in and it's sad it's sad and so we're gonna have to start doing the inner work and when you do the work on you what you need to do is speak life into somebody else so when you do the work on you make sure you speak life into your children your siblings your friends to encourage them to do the work as well because the more people we create this this ripple effect then the more people we have doing the work the better it's going to be because when people start helping their their kids or their nieces and nephews or the grandsons and granddaughters then we start to change things one person at a time slowly but surely and to the parents you know don't be afraid to to be strict with your kids you do everything out of love and make sure your child understand why you're doing it like don't be afraid to express why you're limiting the rap music or the heavy metal or the country music whatever toxic message music that they may be listening to don't be afraid to explain why you're limiting that why you're limiting the phone why you're limiting the video game don't be afraid of your child being mad with you and despising you or hating you because one day they'll get it and if you don't raise them the way they should be raised when they get older and it causes and it cost them that's when they truly gonna hate you because they're gonna say you were the adult and you knew better I was a child you shouldn't let my tears and my complaining or my door slamming or my silent treatment as a child changed the way you parent me knowing that you knew better and so and I remember that happened one time my daddy was telling me he had my my cousin his his knee my momma niece and daddy needs my marriage she got pregnant or something like that at a young age and she was yelling at my daddy because she used to live with us she said why didn't you make me why didn't you make me do right and a lot of time people don't understand and realize that people don't get it that it's on us to do it the right way so hey y'all um I got to get going here but wanting to pop in shout out a little word with you on the lunch break I know everybody got to get back to work but you'll be able to watch a replay if you miss any of it but um God bless you think on this I get some videos up make sure if you subscribe and you can set your notifications and um when I'm posting but we're gonna be talking about real life real situations every day so how you pen and pad ready how your heart and mind ready and let's keep doing the work but um because the work got to be done and it's gonna it's gonna take a lot to get the work done but it's time that we start to grow up as adults and we start addressing our issues as adults and we start to get to the place that we can look ourselves in a mirror and be real and one thing I'm gonna tell y'all too is check your healing check your healing and make sure you heal let me tell you a sign that you're not healed when you go online and you see a message to men telling men they need to man up and grow up and change and learn and all of this if you got to go in the comments and say yeah men so stupid or yeah men ain't worth nothing or yeah men don't deserve to have a woman men don't deserve to have a kid that is a sign that you have not healed and vice versa if a want if a message is to the woman telling the woman she need to be better to grow up mature change this and that and if you as a man got to go in there yeah y'all women ain't worth nothing that is a sign you have not healed we need you got to check your healing you got to confront yourself confront your healing start the healing do the work and don't stop doing it until it's done and even when it's done it ain't never done because you're still gonna be tested tried tempted and you got the win so hey there's Tony Gaskins God bless you and we'll talk soon and make sure you can get on over there to the academy because that's why I send the emails to Tony Gaskins academy.com y'all do a video on that but I forgot to take questions and I'll take a few questions let me see I got about 20 minutes to work with my client let me tell you how you start your healing see the wounds that we have come from the things that we've gone through the things that we have done or the things that were done to us and when those things happen we accept those things as life we accept those things as truth and we start to believe the lies we start to internalize those lies but in order to heal you have to get new knowledge so when you start to when you create a space to express yourself in therapy and coaching and you express yourself now it's no longer bottled up and locked up you letting it out you letting it out you expressing yourself and the expression promotes and produces healing but then in addition to you expressing you're also receiving new knowledge so when you get new knowledge and you learn that hey this behavior this what happened to me was not my fault it wasn't because of me so I'm beating myself up and I'm telling myself I deserved that it was my fault and it was because of me now I'm realizing that wasn't because of me that was because of the person who hurt me was sick in the head was hurting lost broken full of trauma it was their wrong not my wrong that they did that to me so that was on them not me so I need not beat myself up I need to love myself and realize that I'm a victor that I overcame that I'm a survivor that I persevere I press for and so now when you change when you hear this new knowledge now you're able to take those things that you had them boxed up and you're able to put a label on that box and ship it out your life because you're able to say okay this was from their self hate this was from their abandonment from their trauma from their hurt this was this this was not me this was an event but this that doesn't mean it's me so now you start to get this new knowledge and in getting this new knowledge um alice god bless you now in getting this new knowledge you're able to take out the lie and replace it with the truth and then that's where you can start to build and you just keep doing that and and the more you learn the more you heal the more you grow the looks are so important to men why are the most beautiful women with great bodies not married the men will have children with them but won't commit why is that it's there's no um miss lady god bless you it's no one size fits all and looks are important to a man but you have to understand what looks are when when when a man say looks when when we say being our visual creatures and looks are important we're not talking about doctor daughter miami we're not talking about doctor new jersey we're talking about doctor jesus doctor god meaning a man loves the beauty of a woman who is comfortable in the skin that god gave her and men have different preferences so the reason why you see a lot of the women with the best bodies and the worldly beauty single or just baby mamas is because men see them like an experience an experiment a Barbie doll that was manufactured in a lab that was built by man not by god so a immature man or a lost man or a greedy man or a nasty man he wants to experience that woman as a playground as a theme park but he don't want to be with her or accept responsibility for her or the child she brings into the world from him because he's not a man he's a grown boy and he sees her as a grown girl so like attracts light and she changed her body and all of these things at the hands of a doctor from insecurity and so the man is also insecure and and what she didn't realize is what where she was operating from it was going to attract the man who operating from the same place but a man being a husband and being faithful and being a good father does not operate from insecurity and so that's when we don't that's when we fail to identify the root of our actions and we think we're just doing something because we want to do it and we're not really addressing the real reason we're doing it and a lot of times the real reason is because of insecurity and the insecurity is because of comparison and comparison and believing what we are perceiving comes from a lack of knowledge and not knowing and understanding that every single human has a dark period in their life has has darkness in their life has an area where they're struggling has an area where they ready to end it all but we will compare their highlight reel to our behind the scenes and we will believe the highlight reel and I thank God for allowing me to become a coach and a consultant because I was able to go behind closed doors in the lives of thousands of humans and in this process I have learned that everybody is struggling somewhere with something so therefore I don't believe anybody life on social media I don't believe anything anybody show me the only thing I believe is the lives of the people that I live with because that's the only thing I have a direct witness to and there I don't believe nothing I'll be talking to people you know some people around my wife my homeboy you know one of my closest friends and they'll mention something on social media and they cannot believe they can't fathom that somebody who look wealthy bank account could be empty they can't fathom it but because I know I done been there then I know if I done been there anybody could be there because I know how money work and how easy it is to spend money I know anybody no matter how much money that they make in a year could be could account could be in the negative I know that because I know how money work but if some people who will look at somebody do you know you know jump bezos could feel broke jump bezos could feel broke as a multi billionaire you know why because his dreams cost more money than he has because the more you get the more you won't so jump bezos want to populate mars and turn mars into a second earth I'm hypothetically speaking and he don't have enough money for that you see what I'm saying that's what people don't that's why people so a person to look is that oh man they got a life they got a life no because yeah this person made a million dollars but they got ten million dollar dreams so the same way you could make fifty thousand and have seventy five thousand dollar dreams and be broke the same way a person can make a million and have one point five million dollar dreams and be broke so I don't believe nothing I see online and I tell people don't believe nothing you see from me online if you don't get to live in my house then all you need to do is take what work for you take what can benefit your life and that's all you hold on to but don't pedestalize me don't praise me don't put me on no no clout none of that take the words and the messaging that could benefit you and utilize that get the message but don't idolize the messenger and use the message for you and make the message work for you and that's what I tell people all the time and that's why we that's why we see this and so honestly for the women who getting their lips done and getting their lips real big and getting a body done getting a booty done and getting their stomach done honestly to men be honest with you to men who are men like gonna be responsible respectful men feel sorry for them we honestly feel sorry for them because we kind of like man I hate the fact that the world has made you feel so less than or so small that you will go and get put under and take the risk of not coming back up to change your body through surgery it and when we understand it because we understand the pressure of society but we literally feel bad for it's not something that a man who is a real man want to see a woman go do it's not something a man want a woman to do and and the women say oh I'm doing it for women but when we do something we tell ourselves the lie we need to believe in order to do it so when we go get tattoos we tell ourselves I'm gonna need tattoos for me when we doing if you're doing a drug or you're doing getting drunk or you sleeping around we tell ourselves we doing it for us and really we're not doing it for us we're doing it for somebody else we're doing it for something we don't see somebody we're trying to please we're doing that and so that's a part of the issue and that's why you see so many women who got perfect bodies look perfect and still be single and the other reason is because a lot of time a man just don't want all of that a man don't want that level of insecurity beside him sleeping beside him he can't trust it because it's like man if you care that much about what other people think I don't know how I'm gonna trust you and that's what me and me just go and experience her and then go on by the bed and a man or rather a woman fall in love with who god made her to be and even if he's not attracted to her he'll just respect her more by being the best she could be with dr. Jim gym and dr. braces and dr. screen bat burning clean and vegan vegetarian pescatarian meal plan and get the man that's for her and to stop telling the lie I'm doing this for me because if you're doing for you we'll walk around naked if we do what we do for us we'll walk around naked we do what we do for other people and so that's what we have to understand and that's that's our world and and I'm gonna tell you you know it's sad I tried to write a blog on it one time on huffton post and they wouldn't allow me to post it but the blog was just telling women like listen don't let this society put you in a chokehold and make you feel less than like if you want different then do different and see what you could get from that like if you want different go get braces first before you get veneers and see if you like your teeth after braces and don't care about what nobody think while you got them braces in your mouth get the strength to not care about what other people think and get your braces or get your invisible eye and then see if you like the teeth that God put in your gums first see if you like the old teeth that's what I did at 32 years old as a grown man I went and got braces and and when I think about it I'm like I like EET better than veneers I can afford veneers and I don't want veneers because I like EET yes it took two and a half years to get through them braces and no my teeth ain't my teeth ain't uh perfect but I say you know what they mine and now they're doing lipo lipo and stuff for men and I can afford that and I can go get that but I don't want to go get a surgery on my body for artificial results so what I do is I go to the gym I go to the gym and I try to eat right and as I go to the gym and I started lifting see the chest start to build up and when I start to lift me I'm like oh man I like my arms and I don't have abs but my stomach got flat and I say you know what I like the way this look this is a dad bod but it's an authentic dad bod and I say you know what I believe my wife will appreciate an authentic dad bod more than an obsessed crazy unrealistic body of me having to be in the gym for three four hours a day lifting all of them weights and for what if it ain't gonna make me no money I'm not going to be competing in no show for what and uh mirror god bless you now send that blessing in and so I thought about that and then I said and after I did what I could do without going to a doctor I was like you know what I like these results I like me I love me and that's what we need to start doing in our life but it's hard to do the work and see this the thing what we have to learn is that discipline is not easy that consistency it's not easy so what we do in our life we take shortcuts and when you take shortcuts you get cut short so when we take shortcuts with our body we're going to start taking shortcuts with our relationship taking shortcuts with our mind and we're going to start to lose you start to lose in every area because you're taking shortcuts and that's what we got to realize and understand and so when we can look ourselves in the mirror and identify what self love is and what we need to be doing to love ourselves and we start doing that work that's when your life started change for the better and the work is never done and we got to identify our weaknesses so I may look at my weakness and say okay I'm an overthinker I'm an overthinker and that overthinking may couple with insecurity or create insecurity because I'm overthinking I'm thinking of all of these random scenarios and I'm making up stuff in my head because I'm overthinking and so and my brain may be have may be this way in a certain way for a certain reason because of me having multiple concussions so then I have to say okay if I have multiple concussions and it did is to my my brain react this way then I need to go and have some activities and be doing some work and be doing that you know and and so let me work out every day that's a solution let me do therapy let me read my bible let me date my wife let me spend time with my kids all of those things fuel me and give me peace give me happiness it helps promote peace and happiness in my life so when you identify your shortcomings and then you say okay I'm an overthinker I'm thinking this and so I want to say this or I want to ask this but knowing the root cause of this behavior let me choose not to ask this question let me choose not to start this conversation let me choose not to have this confrontation and let me do the work that I need to do because deep down I know the answer to the question I'm going to ask or the question I'm going to ask I'm not going to get the answer that I want to get even if I know what the answer is so let me just do the work that I need to do and let me see if this situation that I'm in changes based on me changing me and if the situation in the environment doesn't change after I have changed me now I know I got a problem with this situation in this environment and I may need to be in a new situation or new environment but I'm going to focus on me instead of focusing on the things that I cannot control and that's the work that has to be done so hey it's on the gas and God blessing got a coaching call I'm a little minute late for God blessing and we will talk soon and make sure you get over Tony gas and Academy.com got something for you on there all the courses listed at 50% off for the holiday God blessing