 1. Narcissists change you and blame you. If you are involved with a narcissist, whether it's a relationship partner, family member, friend or co-worker, it will change you. This is commonly known among psychologists and therapists. I did even more damaging if you were dealing with more than one narcissist, such as in your family or at work. The more narcissists you are dealing with, the more damaging it will be to you and the more it will change you. You may lose your sense of self. You may lose your self worth. You may have difficulty making decisions. You may begin to question reality. You may develop trust issues. It may affect your future relationships. You may avoid intimate connections with other people. You may feel like you have lost control of your life. And you may blame yourself. All while the narcissist is changing you and blaming you. And you're losing your identity. You're isolating yourself or the narcissist is isolating you. You're experiencing a lot of insecurity, self-doubt and anxiety while you're walking on eggshells to avoid arguments. Because even the slightest criticism or disagreement will trigger their rage. And at the same time you're prioritizing their needs over yours. And you're being used and abused. Because they view people as objects that exist to serve them. And they're blaming you for everything that they're gaslighting you. Which may cause you to doubt your own memory, perception and sanity. Until you end up blaming yourself. And when that happens they can make you tolerant and accept another of anything. Because they've conditioned you into seeing yourself as someone who is deserving of the abuse. When in fact no one deserves to be abused. Abuse is wrong. But this is what narcissistic abuse will do to you. They will financially abuse you. They will coerce and guilt-trip you into spending all of your money on them. While they will rarely spend any of their money on you. Because they lack empathy so they don't consider your health and well-being. They deprive you of kindness to the point where it makes you crave it. Which only causes you to become even more susceptible to their love-bombing and manipulation. Which they love because it keeps you trapped in a cycle of abuse. Where they can get their narcissistic supply. But the longer you spend in the cycle of abuse. The more it will begin to affect your mental, emotional and physical health. You may experience anxiety and depression because you're isolated. But because you lost your self-esteem it can also cause eating disorders, nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, bloating, irritable bowel syndrome and post traumatic stress disorder. Narcissistic abuse is worse than cancer. And in fact it has also been correlated with certain types of cancer. And it can also cause mental illnesses such as generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, agoraphobia, Stockholm syndrome and suicidal ideation. It can also cause personality disorders in children such as narcissistic personality disorder, borderline, bipolar, sociopathy and even psychopathy. But in the end the narcissist will only blame and shame you for anything that happens to you. And you will be left to deal with it on your own. Or if you're dealing with a narcissist that is very high on the spectrum. They may even use the after effects of the abuse that starts me a campaign against you. By telling other people that you're crazy or that you're losing your mind. Which is usually an attempt for the narcissist to defend their own false image of reputation. But it may also be to further abuse and incriminate you. Because narcissists can't be satisfied they have these insatiable desires that can never be fulfilled. Which is why even when you think it's all over and you've jumped over all of the hurdles and obstacles that's often only the beginning of a never-ending journey. Because narcissists gain their false identity and self-esteem through scapegoating their victims. Which means that if the abuse was to come to an end. It would threaten their false character. Which means that the abuse cycle would have to start all over again. Because it's a cycle. A series of events that are regularly repeated in the same order. It's like Groundhog's Day for the narcissist. Whatever events have happened before will happen again. They may involve a new participant. But either way it's still the same series of events. And even if you're fortunate enough to have been involved with a narcissist who is able to detach and let you go. You may still experience a loss of identity even after the relationship has ended. And it will feel like you were a completely different person at the beginning of the relationship to who you've become by the end of it. Narcissists change you. The narcissist will push you outside of the state of a browser or stimulation. In which you are able to function in everyday life. To the point where you will have difficulty learning, focusing and remembering things. And you won't relate well to yourself or other people. Which means that you won't be able to identify with yourself. And other people won't be able to identify with you. Because your nervous system has been altered by narcissistic abuse. There may have been a time when you had passions and interests. When you used to enjoy reason or painting. And you may have enjoyed the company of other people. You may have had connections. You may have had sudden impulses or inclinations which made you you. When you could behave openly, naturally and in an uninhibited manner. Rather than it occurring with an external cause. But once you've experienced narcissistic abuse. You lose that natural impulse and tendency. And you tend to act in a more planned or forced way. As though you've lost the ability to act without outside intervention. It's like you've lost your own free will. And in many ways you actually have. Because you've lost touch with your passions and interests. You've been stripped of your values. By being pushed outside of your state of arousal and stimulation. Because it's affected your ability to function effectively and normally. When there was a time when you value your authenticity. When you valued learning. When you valued your health. But narcissistic abuse even affects your personality traits and characteristics. Because you used to have a positive attitude. You were optimistic about situations, interactions and even yourself. You envisioned that expected favorable results. You saw the bright side of life. You used to be passionate and forgiving. But you may have also had a low tolerance for toxic and negative behavior. And it felt comfortable to you. You felt like you were being your authentic self. You didn't feel like you were doing something wrong. But narcissistic abuse makes you feel like you're bad for being you. Because they despise your authenticity. Your quality of being real and true. Because it's seen as a threat to their false character. To the illusion of their false narrative. They want to turn you against yourself. So that your entire existence from the point of being involved with them. Consists of nothing more than being a lifelong extension of them. Because if they can stop you from being you. They can get you to serve them. They can trap you in their web. And then they can mold you into who they want you to be. You may enjoy reading or painting. But the narcissist will shame you for spending time with yourself. They will give you the narcissistic stare. Or they will call you selfish. And even though you may recognize that what they're doing is abusive and wrong. You may struggle to control how you're reacting to it. Because you're being provoked. They're deliberately stimulating and giving rise to certain reactions and emotions. Especially those that may be unwelcome. Because what you resist persists. So it may be very challenging for you to stop these intrusive thoughts. It's like if someone told you not to think of a pink elephant. It's likely to linger in your mind. And it may even affect you subconsciously. And our thoughts and emotions have a profound effect on one another. Thoughts can trigger emotions. And our behaviors are strongly influenced by our emotions. Which is why advertisements and sales people often use emotions to drive by decisions. Because it's very effective. And a victim's inability to inhibit certain thoughts can be worsened during times of stress. Especially in those who are prone to anxiety or obsessive thoughts. It can even result in the victim doing something immoral or out of character. Which the narcissist will then use to paint the victim in a negative light. But even if you somehow manage to take control of your mind. You can't control how your body responds to it. Because your body is responding to the emotion. That is being provoked as a result of their behaviors. And there is a huge difference between the mind and the body. Because your mind knows that what they're doing is wrong. But it has less power over your life than your body. And even when it comes to your mind. It's your subconscious mind that has the control. And your subconscious mind is linked to your nervous system. So whenever you're being yourself and the narcissist causes you to feel a negative emotion. It causes trauma energy to stick to things together. That shouldn't be together. Because the limbic system and the reptilian brain perceives a potential threat. So they go into a stress response. Because you're experiencing something overwhelming or something that you're unable to cope with. So the energy from that stress response gets stuck in the systems of your brain. Because the brain and the body want to avoid any situation like that happening ever again. And this happens whether or not the logical mind is aware of it. Because it's meant to protect you. Which is why if you're reading or painting. And the narcissist glares at you or calls you selfish. You may be able to recognize that what they're doing is wrong. But your nervous system is going to reach the conclusion that it's bad for you to read or paint. And over time you may become hyper browsed and hypersensitive due to heightened anxiety to where you may just hear them into the home or driving the car. And then you're panicking to hide what you were doing. As though you were doing something wrong. Because you've been told that it's bad for you to do anything that you love. And narcissists are very aware of how their victims respond to the abuse. They deliberately traumatize their victims. And they're highly receptive to the trauma. Which they will then use to control you. And they will use it to slowly raise you. By frightening or intimidating you. Any time that you're trying to do something that you love. Even though it makes no sense for them to be angry about it. But they despise healthy behavior. Which is why they will try to isolate you. Because they can't stand the sight of healthy interactions. They like things that are chaotic and dysfunctional. They don't want to see anything that is helpful for you. And if you have been avoiding a healthy interactions. Or anything that is normal and functional. That is a red flag. That someone has gained access to your subconscious mind. And changed and altered who you are. Which is something that narcissists typically do. The subconscious mind learns through emotion and repetition. But they do it covertly. It's under the radar. And the emotion and repetition fuels our belief. It causes us to accept that something exists or is true. Even though they may never have explicitly said that you can't do something. But they provoke the emotion in you. Any time that you did something healthy and normal. Which cause your nervous system to change. So it doesn't matter about their words. It's the emotion that they're provoking in you. Because that's what causes you to change. It causes your natural state of a browser and stimulation to change. Where you are once able to function and thrive in everyday life. Where you once engaged in activity for amusement and enjoyment. Rather than for a serious purpose. That causes you to be worried and afraid. But when you're involved with a narcissist. Whatever makes you who you are. Becomes associated with arguments, disagreements, abandonment, rejection, fear, anger, guilt, shame and loneliness. Until what makes you feel comfortable after narcissistic abuse. Is being nothing of who you really were. You just hate being around people. And you would rather isolate yourself. Because being around people feels uneasy and awkward. It means you're meant to be yourself. When you were taught that being yourself is dangerous. So it's just too overwhelming to deal with. You feel safer being alone. Because you feel like you can't trust anyone anyway. And you don't feel comfortable laughing or smiling. So you may worry that other people won't feel comfortable around you. Many people lose years of their life to narcissistic abuse. Where they can't even remember what it feels like to experience peace or joy. And even when you're out of the relationship. It can take some time for you to return to your normal state of being. It's not something that happens overnight. Because by that point it will feel uncomfortable to you. You will feel more comfortable with feelings of anger, hatred and resentment. Because whenever you were happy. The narcissist didn't like it and they provoked you. And then when you got angry they would calm down. And you would finally get a moment of relief from the abuse. Which caused your nervous system to make abnormal connections. Where happiness may mean anger. And safety may mean being on edge. Because whenever you're not angry or on edge something bad happens. So it teaches you to stay in that unhealthy state of being. Until it becomes your personality. Even though it's not really you. Because they rewired your brain. They recreated you to their liking. So that it served them. When anything that does not serve you is not really you. But now when you try to be you. It feels uncomfortable. It feels like there's something wrong with you. Because the reptilian part of your brain is only consumed with your survival. And it's really the perfect set for the narcissist to blame and shame you. Which is what they will typically do at the end of the relationship. Once you've dissected everything they've been doing. Because by that point they're like a deer in the headlights. There's no way for them to run. So that is when they will typically rip off their mask and show you who they are. And then they will go all out to ruin your reputation. So that you don't get the opportunity to leave them behind. Thank you for watching. If you found this video helpful please give it a thumbs up. Share your thoughts in the comment section. Hit the subscribe button to receive the notifications. If you would like to support the channel. You could donate at paybotherme.com. You could book a one and one with me on my website. It's not a survivor to code UK. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.