 A beater! I mean, hey there friends, my name is Kevin, how's it going? We're playing Family Man, which has nothing to do with Family Guy. They have nothing to do with each other. One's a guy and one's a man. How to successfully avoid copyright. But today we're playing Family Man, which I'm very excited to do, because as you may have seen in my previous videos, I am a Family Man. All right, let's not use the clip for me kicking a baby for once, all right? And if you haven't seen it, let's just not talk about that again now. Let's roll a different clip. Yes, mission complete. Thinking about it, I do a lot of flashbacks. Am I ripping off Family Guy? No, no, no, I'm Irish. I'm Family Lad. Again, totally different. I got this key for free, by the way. I should mention that the developers sent it to me. They literally sent me an email and being like, we think you like this game. You literally can just be a dick to everyone. So I think you'll enjoy it, which I'm not sure what that says about me, but I'll take it. All right, let's jump in before I get myself in trouble. Oh, great, I have to voice more characters, don't I? That face is the only thing you got left going for you. Oh, God, that's not saying much. I'll do my best. Okay, why am I fighting? Hey, loser, ha-ha. I'm guessing that's me. That's my guy's voice, by the way. Our guy's cool. He's a Family Man. I'm gonna enjoy beating some manners into you, ha-ha. Come and get it. Wow, I'm fighting. Why would this guy start a fight just to be a punching bag? I could almost hear the commentator at the side of the ring. Oh, he's got a good strategy here. He's tiring him out by taking punches to the face repeatedly. He can't keep punching like that forever. Talk to Bobby. Look at this rockin' music. Yeah, I hate it. How do I turn it off? All right, that's better. Yeah, that's good. Can we get back to drinking now? That's what I like to hear. That's all you had to say. Hello, what? This is the first time a woman would have to say, my eyes are down here. Oh, God, sorry. I didn't mean to bring up eyes. Sorry. They're all telling me where the bathroom is. Do I just look like I shit myself? Is that it? Is this the bathroom? Why is it locked? Are you one of these bears that only allows customers in? Spongey with the back of the head cut that out. Okay, finally, someone took notice of me. All right, drink, please. How do I drink? Oh, yes, you are boring the ears off some porthole. Yeah, we talked a little, kind of, into them. Oh, come off it, Joe. You two talk some more. What is this dialogue? You go on a few dates. 100 years down the line, you're changing each other's diapers. I mean, I'm of legal drinking age. So assuming that's minimum 18, you're saying we're going to live to 118? I like this guy. He's an optimist. This is a depressing conversation. Who am I hitting on? Is it the eye patch person? Pick your life partner. I'm definitely patchy. So, uh, how's it going? You know, we've been talking all night. Oh, no, wait, he's got an eye patch. But I bet you don't even remember my name. I think it's patchy. So you do know it. I'm actually kind of impressed. All right. So I picked my partner. But I need to go to the bathroom now. What am I doing with these? Oh, I'm just throwing them. Okay, I'm just being a dick here. I'm going to flush this down the toilet. Here we go. Okay. Yeah, I'm just being a dick here. There's no need for this. Wait, what the hell? Where am I now? What's going on? Now, I think we just flash forward to my wedding. If you don't get your ass in gear, there ain't going to be a wedding. Out of my way. I want to get married. Oh, there's my beloved patchy. Yeah, how do I look like the love of my life? And you respond to that as you're late. You're not even paying attention to my wedding. What are you doing? It's so important. Shouldn't you be at the altar? How would you know? Shouldn't you be paying fucking attention? All right, where do I have to go? I need to find my vows. I've lost them. Where would I leave them? Who are you? Why do you even nurse at the wedding? Your little one, the joy is in the crib. What? How were two men? Could you fill in the paperwork about the name, please? We should name our child Butter. I love Butter, and I think maybe if I name it Butter, I'll eventually associate with Butter, and then I'll love my child. Oh, I could go for a spoonful of warm butter right now. Are we literally going through my entire life? What are we fighting about? We'll find the money. See, he is a pirate. Is there like X marks the spot? I'm telling you, we'll find it. I think the X that marks the treasure is the X to quit the game at this point. I don't know what the fuck is going on. Talk to Bobby. Why is Bobby always here? I think Bobby should have been my life partner. I definitely has like a back issue. He's constantly looking like this. Okay, Bobby's into some shady shit, but apparently I'm fighting with Patchy over money, so I'll do some shady shit to just save our marriage. We both know my only Christmas spirit is vodka. Oh my God, I like Bobby more and more. I think me and Patchy were definitely a mismatch. Go to the server room. Yeah, I'm definitely sabotaging some shit. All right, I'm uploading the data. Who knows who I'm uploading it to? All right, we're done. This sabotage, whatever the hell we're doing. Oh, I'm a little bit nervous. What would Patchy say? Oh no, I think I've been caught. This is a lawsuit waiting to happen. Spare me the excuses. God, she smokes a lot, okay. My hands are tied. Nothing I can do. They want you gone right now. Here's the box on your desk. It has a revolver with one shot. Okay, no, that's not what she said. Okay, I think I got fired. That's probably for the best. They even gave me a fired box. That's kind of sweet. Putting in my full coffee there. I can't let that go to waste. The office coffee is amazing. I'm kind of busy right now. Okay, you're kind of a bitch. All right, I'm fired here and you don't even say goodbye. Who are these people? Is that Mario? Really? You're wearing your number one salesman cap. And what is up with your coffee? Is it frozen? Your hand's inside it and it's pointed downwards. It's a stupid hat to go with your stupid face. Bitter and unemployed. Oh my God, I don't like him. Oh my God, what the hell is going on now? I was supposed to meet Bobby here at the shooting range and they just, they made me murder someone. I shot the target and there was a person behind. This is taking a dark turn. What would Batchy say? Wait, this was Bobby? Oh shit, okay. Well, you know what? He got me in trouble anyway. I don't mind that much. And I hate a desirous accent. We own you now. I'll go to the police. We'll be in touch. What the hell? Where is this game going? This is scary. I don't like it. I didn't see that coming to be honest. They really pulled a rug from under me. I'm scared and afraid. I can't even tell Batchy. Look how happy he is. He doesn't know. Hey honey, are you okay? Oh my God. Now Batchy wants me to clean the house. If your house gets too dirty, it's game over. What the hell? Pick something from the chore board. This is changing a lot from that murder. I went from murdering someone by accident to cleaning the house. I wish I could just stay at home with Batchy all day. Kill basement rats. That's what I'm going to do. Oh, is this my son? Is that butter? God, you grow up fast. Um, why don't you go to your work anymore, dad? Don't ask questions like that. Stupid child and stupid cat. Sorry, I'm just practicing for the rats. Come here. Oh, fuck's sake. Do I have to use rat traps? I wanted to just feck and punch him. That might do. Old fateful. There we go. There might be a bit of blood on the rug, but it doesn't matter. It suits the place. There we go. They're all dead. Now I'm coming for the kid. I leveled up. Okay, great. This game is weird. Oh, fuck. Okay, good. It didn't go over the wall. Oh, fucking hell. I'm so bad at sports. How come my aim was amazing when I was killing my friend by accident? But now I can't hit anything. Screw this. All right, it's day one. I got to go out and get a job or something. This town hand is making life difficult. That's why we should cut it off and give him a hook. It really fit the character. It's broken, you see. He's broken his wrist. All right, I got 10 bucks somehow. I guess Patchy gave it to me. It's like pocket money or an allowance or something for doing the dishes. All right, let's go try and find. Are you serious? I was going to try and find a job, but he's just waiting outside my house. Any day you don't pay, it's game over for you. Got it? All right, fine. I got to go get money fast. Friday's you work for me. All right, well, let's game over. I thought I could cheat my way to the top. You know, just take him out on day one and then I'm free. Just me and Patchy go back to our good old life. He died. Oh my god, look at Patchy and Butter. They're so upset. They're restart. I can't have that ending. That is not canon. I've decided to beat up this cow instead. Because, all right, that is also not canon. That didn't happen. Honestly, that would be a good way to get revenge on that other dude. Like I know Patchy and Butter would be devastated, but like the cops would show up and the guy would be like, uh, I don't know what happened. They just started fighting with a cow and the cow killed them. Like the cops are going to take him into custody for sure. All right, you know what? Let's stop fighting because I'm obviously not good at it. I'm going to go get a job at the burger place. Officer, please. I have something urgent to tell you. That cow assaulted me. Yes, I'll take the job. He'll give me 50 bucks. Yes, I'm in. I'm in. Oh, really? That's what you say when you walk in. It must be tough working in a place like this. You're just going to shit on me right away. All right, what do you want? Stop saying it must be tough. Just tell me what you want. You want chipies? Is that what you want? Burger? I'm new. I don't know what's happening. Is this his order? Okay, I think that's what he wanted. And burger. Okay, I make burger. Is this good enough? Okay. Oh, he didn't give me any money. Stop saying that. Stop shaming me. All right, fries and two shakes. I can do that. Okay, six bucks. Okay, not bad. Oh my God, you just want shakes. Why are you saying you're hungry if you just want shakes? I can spit in the burgers. Wait, who was watching me? Fuck off. It wasn't even to cook for anyone. I was just wasting food anyways. I spat in it. All right. I like to build up people's immune systems by just spitting in things. Okay, that's one shift on. I want to do another shift. I want to do more spitting and more stealing from the till. Okay, I just stole immediately. I think when the green light is on, that's when the cameras are here. This guy's a dick. So let's just cook up some burgers. Cameras off. There we go. Dirty burger. There you go. You like that? He clearly saw me doing it. Like he's right next to me. Make it snappy. I don't got all day. Well, you're getting a lot of spit in your burger anyway. Here's your burger. Fuck and enjoy it. Go off, camera. Go off. Yes, he's spitty. Spit flavor burger. There you go. Yes, lots of money stolen and lots of spitting spat. Oh, car wash, good. I can wash myself. For fuck's sake, I can't even go in. This is a joke. What else can I do in this town at night? Oh God, who's this? Oh, it's Patch here. You're coming home for bedtime. Oh no, I need my story. That's probably a butter. Wait, what is this? Oh, this is the guy I beat up. You looking for free food? Sure, yeah. Give me 20 bucks. No, I'm just going to immediately fight him. His AI is confused. Okay, there we go. Luckily, I just never gas out. I can just keep punching to the face. I love that holy music because that could see his ascending to heaven. Oh, good. I got some rotten pizza too. This was worth it. I better get home and talk in butter or patchy whoever was on the phone. Maybe that criminal from earlier. He's just lying in my son's bed. Sing a little song. Count sheep for him. Oh wait, I need to pay the mob too. Here you go. Oh God, no, don't throw the pizza at him. Jesus, I'm trying to eat it. I can't talk to him. How do I pay the mob? I'm just going to go in. All right, yeah, I haven't paid the mob. That's fine. I'm going home. Why do we have bunk beds but only one kid? And why is he staring at me like that? God, he's terrifying. Talk him in. Let's get out of here. It's the story tonight. Oh, for fuck's sake. I like mice. Not the ones in the basement. Okay, few. I was about to say I just murdered a few in the basement. He doesn't like my story. I want to go to sleep. Okay, good night. God, I'm a bad parent. Oh my God. Why do you just creep up on me like that, patchy? I don't know what I'm doing. I can't seem a private document. Oh, oh, I pay here. Okay, I see. Okay, that wasn't super clear. What kind of lawn food? Oh, don't worry. I got some rotten pizza. I like literally say I'll find something. Not I'll go to the shop. Your family is hungry. Find or buy food to keep them alive. Oh my God, that is daunting. Jesus Christ. Butter, did you do this? Oh, you got butter all over the hallway. I don't know why I have to do everything. And they do feck all. Like I have to go out and get food for them. I got to do the laundry. I got to clean the hall. And they just dump their dirty clothes all over the floor. This just doesn't seem fair. Increase your karma by making moral choices, being nice to villagers, donating to the food bank. The food bank should be giving me the money. My family are starving. Are I just stealing these? Wait, no, I bought one 30 quid for a feckin apple. You're ridiculous. They better be free range. They better have all the space in the world to roll around. And they pay more for the authentic experience. I didn't mean to do that. This is Bobby's wife. She should probably just move on. I just have a feeling he's not coming back. Replace three music flyers in town. We could take them down and replace them with missing posters. I'm a little busy. I'll get back to you. Oh, she is not happy. He's supposed to be like my best friend and I just don't care. I'm not looking into this. Like I'm the person who killed them. I don't want to help with the investigation. Okay, I got free money outside the cinema yesterday. I'm going to look for more rotten pizza. Oh, there we go. That'll keep Butter happy. Oh my God, what is wrong with this lady? She looks feckin dead inside. All right, I'm not going to talk to her. Where can I find food? I just need free food for my family, please. They're dying. Look, the apples are 20 here. I got scammed. Maybe I could like kill a duck and eat that. There we go. Dead duck. Yes. Okay, that'll work nicely. And you. There we go. Another dead duck. Perfect. They'll eat for a week now. Oh, I'm a good dad. Well, if it ain't the local family, man. Oh, he said the title. He said it. Ah, that's great. I got a rabbit problem in the backyard. Killer save Kyle's rabbits. Use the cage or the baseball bat. I'll just use my fists of fury. I'm feckin angry. I wish I could keep the bodies though. Like I really need the food, right? Sorry, Kyle. All your rabbits are dead. Okay, that didn't sound good. Yeah, my camera's going down fast. Hey, you look like a man in need of some additional income. All right, that's a bit insulting. Just go into the cafe and dig into what she likes. Okay, he's got a crush on some lady. Yeah, I'll go help just as long as there's money involved. I need to start thinking about baby names. Jesus Christ, this guy's creepy. But since we're on the topic of baby names, don't call the butter that's taken. You could try mayonnaise maybe or custard. Find out her interests, okay. I'm doing an employee survey. So what's your taste in guys? You think this is working? Yeah, like boyfriends. She doesn't like show-offs apparently and she likes acting. So if that guy could act like he's not a show-off, then that would just be fantastic. Oh God, what's this guy doing? All right, I'm going to leave you to it. Just pay me. I do not care about your life. In fact, there you go. There's a little punch to the face. Oh God, officer, officer help. I'm being assaulted. Okay, he's running away. Good. More pizza. This is great. Who keeps throwing this out? You're doing the Lord's work. My kid's going to eat tonight now. Food donation box. Can I take stuff from this? They only accept food. God damn it. But I'm in need. All right, I might need to earn some cash. You, I would like to work for you washing cars. And also I really need to wash myself. Mop inside. Go. I don't think that's how you wash cars. Oh my God, there's blood all over it. This is one shady town. I did not expect all this. There we go. Two dollars. Okay, that was not worth it. Oh no. Oh God, not again. No, not in this reality too. I'm done. This is shit. Animal bones. Sure, why not? Maybe Butter can gnaw on those. Someone nearby is like, oh, you have a dog? No, that's my child. Rough times. Oh God, may have been a bad fight. May have been a bad fight. I could go for some boar meat though. Oh, very good. Caramel dropping, but food increasing. I can't believe I just beat a boar in one-on-one combat. Oh no. Oh no. He's heard about it. Why did I say that out loud? Did I pay off the mafia today? Yeah, I think I did. I'm paid. All right. I'm going to bed. Honestly, you should really just get a job. You'd earn way more money, rather than just sculpting outside my house in the shadows. Like there's a policeman over there on the bridge. You'd think he'd be suspicious of this dude just smoking and staring at my house. Poor Patchy's in there. Terrified. Poor Patchy. I think the real treasure he's looking for is divorce. That would be the best option for him. Oh God, is there a new story? Yeah, sure. Why not? Great. Let's go chill out on the sofa. Fantastic. Me and Patchy get some quality time. I've been trying to avoid it in case he realizes how boring of a person I am. Just like, oh, I'm just so busy. You know, I got so much going on. I just, I can't really talk one-on-one right now. Because I'm just, you know, really busy. I do have a personality though, I swear. Your family's a health bear. Feeding them junk food will lower their health. Oh God, speaking of junk food, I was asleep with the pizza in my pocket. So I should probably put it in the fridge. It was already rotten. I owe this dude more and more every day. All right, feeding the family. Just a bit of pizza in there. Dead doc. Put that in. Put it in. Oh, fexy, come on. All right, you know what? That's a successful few days. Oh my God, my kid wants to talk. I'll go around the other way. Maybe he didn't see me. I think that's a pretty successful few days in the life of a family man. I murdered my friend, got involved with the mafia, and beat a bore in one-on-one unarmed combat. Oh God, no, the newspapers are reporting it. No, no, no, ignore, ignore, ignore. That didn't happen. They're saying the town seems more miserable. It really does. And there's graffiti. Things are getting dark. All right, well, we're going to end it there anyway. God, it really does look miserable. But I hope you guys enjoyed a quirky little game, actually. I'm pretty interested to see where this might go and how it evolves in the story wise and like how we have to take after our family. There's a lot more to it than I thought, like going into it. I thought it would just be a small little quirky game, but there's a lot going on here. But I hope you guys enjoyed. If you did, I would appreciate just letting me know. Just to let me know if I'm doing good or bad. You know what I do, I would like some feedback. But yeah, that's about it. I hope you enjoyed. I appreciate watching. And I hope to see you next time. Bye for now.