 And now for that master golfer and talented violinist, Jack Benny. That's me again. Thanks, Don. Well, I'm in a very good mood tonight. I just got back from Atlantic City and am I feeling fine? You know, if you ever want two weeks rest, folks, go to Atlantic City for the weekend, then come back to New York and rest for 10 days. What a spot. In a way, it's like Coney Island. What I mean is it's the same ocean, only a finer piece of water. You see, in Atlantic City, the waves come rolling in in a high-class way and very snappy. While at Coney Island, the waves are much older, having been used so much. And they just come rolling in any old way, lie down and go blah. Of course, at Newport, they have a still better class of waves. There, they come rolling in with monocles wearing fats and a cane. Well, Jack, tell me, is there any difference in the bathing there? That's the same, isn't it? No, Don, there is a difference. See, when you go bathing at Atlantic City, a bluefish or a shark might take a nip at you. While if you're bathing at Coney Island, the chances are you'll be bitten by a herring. Isn't that good? That's all right. But getting back to Atlantic City, you know, they have those dog races down there this year. You know those races where seven or eight dogs chase an electric rabbit? Oh, it's a lot of fun. I've never seen a dog race, Jack. How's it run? Well, as I told you, an electric rabbit goes around on a rail, and as it passes the boxes where the dogs are, the dogs jump out, go woof, woof, and you're out $6. Saturday night, I lost ten races in a row and finally bet on the rabbit. Well, Jack, you certainly must have won that one, didn't you? No, there was a short circuit and the rabbit stopped. Everything happens to me, isn't it? I've got to get down there sometime. How are the hotels in Atlantic City, Jack? Oh, they have beautiful hotels down there, and a funny thing, they all have double names. You know, like the Ritz-Carlton, the Marlboro-Blenheim, the Translux, all double names, you know? Well, Jack, the Translux is a picture theater. I know, but I slept there a couple of nights, too. Well, why do all the hotels have double names? Well, you see, down the races, they're reasonable. You take the Ritz-Carlton, for instance. It's only $5 a day, but when you check out, it's $10. $5 to Mr. Ritz and $5 to Mr. Carlton. Good evening, Salas. How are you? Oh, hello, Mary. Gee, you missed it, Mary. You should have been down to Atlantic City. I spent all week there. Well, so did I, Jack. I just came from there. You did? I didn't see you. That's funny. I was in bathing every day. Wouldn't have hurt you, either. Oh, but there's so, uh... I mean, there's so many other things to do down there. Did you see the beauty contest? See it? Hmm, I was in it. How'd you make out? Well, I only went in for the fun of it. What do they know about beauty? I see. I see. Then you didn't win the contest. No. Who wants to be Miss America anyway? I like Miss Livingston better. Well, who did win it? Gene Harlow, and he didn't even show up. Oh, so Gene Harlow won the contest. Who came in second? The rabbit. But don't worry, Mary. You'll win it next time. Where did you live in Atlantic City? At the Bellevue Stratford. The Bellevue Stratford? That's in Philadelphia. Oh, no wonder it was such a long walk to the beach. Isn't that awful? Goodie, isn't that awful? Mary, Mary, if you ever go to Chicago, there's a nice hotel in Kansas City. You must stop there, huh? Oh, hello, everybody. Hello, Jack. Ask me something. Hello, Frank. Where were you over the weekend? No place. I just stayed home with the Parker Parker. Oh, the Parker House. That's a nice place. What did you do? I just sat home, read the papers. If you ask me, it looks better than any of us. That's what I mean. You know, if you want a nice rest, folks, sit home and read the papers. I agree with you there, Jack. You know, isn't it funny, Wilson? Frank Parker stayed home, had a nice rest, and isn't a bit tired. While we all went away for a rest and came back tired. And speaking of tired, the general's tired is not only safer, but it's outstanding beauty ads smartest to any car. The first important, it's blowout proof. Did it win any beauty contest, Don? No, but it could amongst tires. In Harlem, around. That's your cue. Play, Don. There's a house in Harlem for sale, played by Don Bester, and he's Connecticut Yockels. Say, Don, where were you over the weekend? Well, I was on Atlantic City, too, Jack. Isn't that funny? We were all down there and nobody saw each other. Did you stay there, Don? No, I took a bath before I left. Oh, you went down there for pleasure, I see. Where'd you live? Well, I lived at the Park Bendome Plaza. There were three names. You must have paid $15 a day. The good thing you didn't stop at the Four Marks Brothers built more grout show. You'd have paid plenty there. Say, Don, I notice you're getting quite a few new men in your orchestra. Last week, a zillophone player. This week, I see you have a new bass fiddle. What? Over there, Don. That's not a bass fiddle. That's Sophie Tucker watching our show. Oh, well, pardon me. Hello, Joe. Don, tell those people how to sit so close to the orchestra. And now, tonight, folks, as the feature attraction of our program, we are offering to you, without warning, the outstanding screenplay of the 1934 season. That great film masterpiece, The House of Raw Childs. R-A-W-C-H-I-L-D. Not the number two company, but with the original cast. And we are here to prove it by bringing the leading man to the microphone. Step right over here, sir. What is your name? My name is Arlis. Arlis, there you are, folks, and your first name? Darcy. I see. I'm supposed to have the laugh at the finish, but I'll never get to it. You see, folks, we spare no expense. This play tonight will cost us about $100,000 and 200,000 listeners. Now, those of you who have seen this picture, The House of Raw Childs, will remember that famous family of fine financiers from Frankfurt. You will remember how old Meyer Raw Child called his sons together and sent each one to a different place to amass a fortune and build up the name of Raw Childs. One son remained in Frankfurt, another son went to Hamburg, a third son to Liverpool, while the fourth son went to Delhi, India, where he opened a Delhi Catescent Store. There will now be a slight pause while your listeners go through your iceboxes looking for some of these towns. Well, anyway, tonight we are presenting this drama, The House of... Hey, sonographer, why did you spell House with an L? I saw the rehearsals. Oh, pardon me. Now, while the carpenters are building The House of Raw Childs, Frank Parker of The House of Parker, who are very rich and tenor singers, will sing for all we know. Oh, Jack, what part do I play? Well, as long as you didn't win a beauty contest, you can play the part of Boris Karloff. Oh, already young. Thank you. Well done. That was, for all we know, sung by Frank Rothschild, or Frank Parker. And very good, Frank, very good. Oh, you say that every week. Yeah. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our dramatic offering, which we will call The Rise of the House of Rothschilds. And what a crowd we have here tonight, folks. The place is packed. We have turned hundreds away, and thousands went away themselves. A few people, and pretty soon there will be standing room only. The orchestra is coming in now. Let me see your text, mister. Now let's see, uh, Roway, that's the way in the back. Roway in the back? Why, that's generally up front. Well, we had to put the first row in the back to give us more room. Well, this is an outrage, it's scandalous. Outrage scandalous, as long as you're healthy. Peanuts, chocolate bars, and magazines. Get your magazines here. You can enjoy the show without a magazine. Hmm, it's a fine start. Have something to read while the show is going on. Oh, Walter, where are these seats? Where are these seats, please? Pardon me, folks, for short of us. Let me see your check, madam. What a theater this is. I've been standing here for two hours. I'm sorry, madam, you'll have to stand here another month. These tickets are for the Joe Penner program. Thank you, I'll be back. You're welcome. Your check, please. M-32 and 34. I'm sorry, sir, but there are four people sitting there now. But I have a stub, M-32 and 34. I demand these seats. Oh, all right. Hey, mister, you and your wife and kids will have to get out of those two seats. Well, we won't. See, I told you, take your old stubs and go on home. Check, please. Get your lemonade here, lemonade, electric, fans, and playing cards. You can enjoy the show without a cool game of bridge and lemonade. Oh, uh, Usher, can I have the program, please? Here you are, sir. Thanks. Oh, wait a minute. This program is for men and whites. That's a good show, too. Oh, Mary, here's a fellow who has a ticket for a box. Have we any boxes? Yeah, but we'll have to take the tomatoes out. Oh. Get your general tires here. You can't enjoy your trip home without a general tire. Oh, I'll have one of those. Here you are, sir. And are they blow-out proof? Yeah, but don't blow out until the show is over. Hey, when does the show start? Quiet. Let me have you check, mister. Oh, that's standing room. How long will I have to stand, miss? Until Jack starts asking, then there'll be plenty of seats. Thank you. See, you're handsome. Take this seat, puss. Don't be a fool. Well, I guess we're almost ready now. Hey, you, you and the third row. The people behind you can't see. You'll have to take off your hat. What? You again. Your hat, your hat. What's on your head? Vaseline, I'm going to a dance. Anyway, we didn't say Sergeant O'Hare. Well, let's get the play started. Overture, Don. Our overture, Farewell to Arms, played by Don Vector and his orchestra. The play, The Rise of the House of Rothschild. The opening scene takes place in the Rothschild House and House of... I mean, Frank first. This is my mouth watering. Curtains. Music Don. Hmm. Kinda chilly tonight. I don't think I'll go out of the house. That's right, Myra. It is old. Think I'll sit home and read. Bring me a book, Sarah. Yes, dear. Which book do you want? First National Bank or Guarantee Trust? Oh, I've read them over and over again. How's that Federal Reserve? Have you read it, Sarah? No, but here's a copy of Irving Trust. You like that. I feel like I have to get the new book. I've lost interest in those. How much money have we got now, Sarah? We have two billion five hundred million goldens. Ah, goldens. And today is our golden anniversary. Well here's a dollar. Go out and buy yourself something. Is that all I guess? We must save every penny, there is power. I'll answer the door Meyer. Be careful who it is. I don't want any of those title mooshers around. If it's Napoleon, I'm out. Who do you wish to see? I am the prince of Disney of Bakun Lager, when I want to see my raw child. Tell him I'm out. He's out. I believe you, but not him. Hello, Meyer. Hello, Prince you old dog. What can I do for you? Well, Meyer, I am here on a very touchy mission. My country is on the boom again. Could you let me have the 20 million gold until payday? When is payday? I often wonder. What is the trouble with your country? Well, we had a big crap game with Bulgaria and they took us. Same thing happened to me in Atlantic City. 20 million golden. Hey Usher, Usher, where are my seats? Let me see a check. Hold the chair a minute, Jack. Are four and six right here. Okay, go ahead, Jack. 20 million golden. How much is that? $35. You had me scared for a while, Prince. What security have you? Oh, again, I said what security have you? What security? I have a World Series ticket to be played between the Vice Fox and Cincinnati. Oh, no security, eh? Well, Prince, you can have the money. But remember, I shall expect favors from your kingdom. Thank you, Meyer. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Likewise. Goodbye. Goodbye. Why did you give him that money, Meyer? Because it's a good investment. The Prince of Pilsner, Bakkenlager, is a good friend to have. You can't tell when he will throw something our way. That goes for the audience, too. Quiet. Sarah, I have an idea. An idea that will make me the power of the world, as sure as my name is not George Arles. You're telling us. Yes, Sarah, I have a great idea. Call up the King of Spain at once. The King of Spain is in France. Well, call up the King of France. He's in Spain. I see. Then get me the President of Cuba. He's in Montreal. Well, never mind. Bring me my pipe. Falling down. Falling down. Falling down. None of the riches falling down. My fair lady. Hey, you're it. What is that, Sarah? What's all that noise going around here? Those are your sons playing in the backyard. Playing. Playing. Always playing. That must make them useful. Come in here. Call them in. Come into the house if you're in the old man wants you. We want to play. Come in. Come in. I say you young scallywags. Oh, all right. Now sit down. Sit down, all of you. Fine boys, Carl, Solomon and Nathan wasting your time playing in the yard. Fine raw child you are. How old are you now, Nathan? 67, father. Well, it's about time you got out in the world and made a living for yourself. How old are you, Solomon? 64. You're old enough to do something too. How old are you, Carl? 48, Pa. Well, you can hang around the house for a while yet. Listen, my son, you're getting to a nade when you should be making a little money. Remember, in this world money is power. So let's get together and make the house of raw child the power house of the world. Yay, father. And for heaven's sake, for heaven's sake, shave off those beards and hold the house of raw child. They look more like the house of David to me. This is the worst show I've ever seen. Now, you little savers, I'm going to give each of you some money. Send you to different countries and expect you to become a financial wizard. You understand? Yay, father. Now you, Carl, here is 50,000 guldens. I want you to go to Saratoga and establish the name of raw child. Thanks, father, I will. And remember, be shrewd, nothing but plates and show and look out for muddy tracks. Good luck to you. I'll need it, goodbye. And you, Solomon, here's 200,000 guldens. I want you to go to Hollywood. Al Roach is making our gang comedy, and I want you to be one of the Roach child. Yes, father, go, my son, and hold up your head. Be a cocky Roach child. Now you, Nathan. Yes, father. Here is five guldens. You know where you can go. I get it. So long, father. Goodbye. Ah, there they go. My three sons. Well, Peter, how about me? Have you forgotten me? Oh, another son. I have so many. What's your name? Sunday Roach Childs. Well, I don't have to tell you anything. You'll save yours. Goodbye, Peter. Go, Sandy, and remember, save every penny. For in money, there is power. And for a small amount of this power, you can buy the general blowout-proof tire on convenience terms through your general tire dealer. I think I'll send him to China. And now for the second act. The house are all childs three months later. Sarah, Sarah, get me something to read. I'm going mad. I only made nine million guldens a day and had to loan it to bolster up the Swiss Navy. Has the mail come in yet? Yes, Myra, but there's nothing for you. Funny, we haven't heard from the boys. I wonder how they've been doing. There's a freight train coming in. Maybe they're on that. Hmm, maybe. Hmm, the phone. I'll answer it. Hello. Hello? Is this the general tire dealer? Yes. What's playing there? The rise of the house of Rothschild. Oh, excuse me. I'm looking for the rise of the Goldbergs. You have the wrong number. Goodbye. Goodbye, Sergeant O'Hare. Hmm, I thought that call might be from the boys. Why don't they write to me? Answer the door, Sarah. Ah, my sons, my sons, come here to your father. Tell me, boys, how did you do? You, Carl, did you establish the name of Rothschild and Sarah Toga? Yes, Father. Everybody's got an IOU with our names on it. Go back in the yard and play. And you, Solomon, how did you do in Hollywood? Great, Father, but I'm broke. What happened to the 200,000 Goulding I gave you? I'm not saying it's yours. Oh, well, you, Nathan, I only gave you five Gouldings. Have you any of that left? Yes, Father, I still have a buck and a half of Gouldings. Keep the Gouldings. Give me the buck and a half. Where's Sandy? He's up in the Northwest where he established the House of Rothschild. I knew Sandy would make good. What's he doing up there? He's selling general tires to the Northwest bottom police. Ah, shrewd, boy. Hello, Sandy. Come in. Hello, Maya. Ah, the prince that fills your buck and lager. Maybe he came back to pay me the money he borrowed. How are you, Prince? I'm fine, Maya. What can I do for you? I have come on for another touch mission. You have what? I have come on another touch mission. My poor country is on the bomb again. Could you lend me 10 million Gouldings until we get on our feet? 10 million Gouldings? What became of the 20 million I loaned you? The Bulgarians took us again. Oh! Play, Don. Sarah, close up the House of Rothschild. Last number of the 21st program in the General Tire series and we'll be with you again next Friday night. I do hope you all like our little play, The Rise of the House of Rothschild. Remember, there's a moral to it. Save your pennies. For in money, there is power. Oh, Jack. What is it, Mary? You didn't give me my power for last week. Oh, good night, folks. This is the National Broadcasting Company. It is now 10 seconds past 11 o'clock Eastern Daylight Saving Time, station WEAF, New York.