 Be fat. Go to a fit and find a solution. Main problem is, I eat like a dumpster. Apparently things with loads of fiber is going to save my filthy soul. Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you feeling full longer, and helps with digestion. Go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars. The first day I have fiber bars for breakfast, lunch, and a lot of snacks. I don't shit that day. This day I fiber myself up even more. I don't shit that day either. Fiber Jesus is surely working his magic in my colon. Can feel the pounds dropping off because I'm not very hungry anymore. I don't shit the third day. I don't shit the fourth day. The final day dawns.mp3. I have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way. The second I hit the toilet, the weirdest fart in the world exits me. It's whistling. Just a thin, continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpa's coffin. Those sound other than the whistling hiss. Suddenly stops. The hole is plugged. SOS. This shit is so solid it feels like I'm giving anal birth to Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Hang on to the shower curtain and pray. The Rock is shot out of my asshole at Mach speed. My entire ass is covered in toilet water. Now the fun begins. A fart that could do more damage to the ozone layer than aerosol ever did is shooting shit bullets out of me. Solid and perfectly round nuggets. The smell is killing me. Blacking out. The thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flagellants is giving me war flashbacks. I wasn't even a nom.jpg. My guts are yelling in German. Sounds like a moose in heat lives in my belly. Most of the shit isn't even digested at this point. Just forced out by all the gas I've been building up to my throat. After an hour it finally seems to be over. I'm shivering and crying. Both legs collapse as I try to stand up. My stomach hitting the bathroom tile forces one last trumpet. Condor call for aid.rar. Shakily wipe my ass. Completely clean.