 Good morning my beautiful friends. I wanted to talk today about a subject that I think probably a lot of people have wondered about and have had questions about and that's how to talk to amputees. Now a answer that won't get me much view time because I'm just gonna come right out and say it is you talk to them like they're people like you know because I'm a person you talk to them like they're anyone else. However since I have spent the first 27 years of my life not as an amputee I do understand the discomfort. I understand the urge to ask questions but to not know if it's okay to ask those questions. So I get that there are things you may want to ask that you don't know if they're okay to ask. I also get that there are things that people ask that are totally not okay that they just come right out and say and you know it'd be best if they didn't. So I was up in Boulder this past weekend with my husband and he was super sweet to wheel me around Boulder and Pearl Street Mall if you've ever been there and we stopped for lunch and I like I said was in a wheelchair because I don't have my prosthetic leg and it was too far to go in crutches. I didn't bring my crutches because I was a dumb dumb I didn't think I would need them but I needed to go to the bathroom and so I hopped into a bathroom. Side note would not recommend doing that it's super dangerous but you know what things had to happen and as I was coming out of that bathroom a girl about my age was waiting to go in and she looked down at my leg and looked back up at me and she was just like oh I'm sorry you know I just kind of like blurted out as like a I'm sorry for your life kind of thing and I just kind of laughed it off I was like hey no worries I'm making it work you know and that's all I said and then I we parted ways. It made me very aware of the instant discomfort that my presence brings to some people and that people who look different can bring to some situations because people don't know how to communicate they haven't gained those skills so I wanted to talk about a few things that can be really helpful and let me start by saying this is just my opinion everyone is going to be a different point in their journey everyone's amputation story is different some people were born without limbs some people lost them in horrific and traumatic ways some people had to make the choice everyone's story is different and what people are comfortable with is going to vary which is why my first recommendation is if you have a question ask if it's okay to ask I had someone ask hey um I have some questions are you cool answering them like are do you feel like you're in a space today where you want to answer any questions about like your amputation and what's going on and I was super appreciative appreciative appreciative I think I said that word wrong basically I was just really grateful that they took a moment to make sure that I was in an okay mental space and that I was cool answering questions that day and I was so it's like yeah absolutely ask away but there are other times where I have been answering questions all day or where I'm super emotional and I just really don't want to because I'm going to break down crime or whatever and the answer might be god I really appreciate it but sometimes that story is painful and just blurting out hey what happened is not a great way to start a conversation and put someone in an uncomfortable place depending on who they are so just ask if it's okay to ask it's super affirming it makes someone feel like you actually care about their feelings and chances are the answer is probably going to be yes because you took the time to ask secondly and this is just like a minor pet peeve that I have and again I get it because I was on the other side of this equation for a long time I'll be somewhere and I'll see someone like stare at me and then like say something to their friends and like stare over at me again and then like and then stare again and I know that they want to say something or that they're having a conversation about me and that there's something on their mind or a question they want to ask in my opinion it's better if you just do that rather than making someone feel uncomfortable by repeatedly staring at them because they look different enter into a conversation make a new friend rather than just making someone feel weird by repeatedly glancing over at them because I've let you in on a secret we noticed something that I do think is a really confusing thing for people in society right now is when to know when to help versus when not to help like if I drop something and I'm on crutches and I don't have my prosthetic leg on or if I'm struggling to open a door in the snow in the wind carrying things and I'm obviously having a hard time I feel like I can feel people's discomfort of like I want to help but should I help because there's a message is being promoted which is a really really good message that you shouldn't just jump in and help people who you don't think are or who aren't able bodied because chances are they know how to help themselves and someone going to get offended if you try to help them and so do you just not say anything and you don't help or do you jump in because you see that they're having a hard time and my recommendation on this again would be to ask would be to say hey do you want any help or you got it you know again feel free to disagree on that if you've been in this situation but I prefer that people ask the question rather than not do anything or jump in I don't like it when people just jump in and do things for me that drives me nuts however sometimes I might be legitimately struggling and trying to do more than I'm currently capable of because I have been known to do that way too often and someone asking if I need help is a good opportunity for me to be like yeah actually yes I do but the most part people who aren't able bodied have absolutely adjusted to living life know what they need know what they don't need know what to ask for and don't need you to do it for them so again the message in this video is if you don't know ask or if you have a question ask instead of not if you have a friend who's recently gone through an amputation or some other form of life altering surgery I found that while it is incredibly important to talk about it it's also really important to feel like life is more than that like we have friends that came over brought us dinner still out of it like this was very new and we probably talked about it for like five minutes and then we spent three hours just hanging out with them and like talking about jiu jitsu because that's where we knew them from and like talking about religion and politics and all different kinds of things because my identity is not an amputee my whole life is not amputation though it's a significant part of it right now is adjusting to it so like if you know someone who's going through this not every conversation needs to be about it I think checking in is super super helpful and awesome and I love it when my friends do it like hey how are you doing with everything but not pressing it like not being persistent not needing people to tell you things because it's really important to feel like you are more than this it's really important to feel like people see you as a human being that is more than the identity of being disabled or being different because you are because you're still a human being you just have this other thing going on too so if you're communicating with someone who you know who's going through this I promise you there's more going on in their life and they probably have more on their minds than just this so have a normal conversation those are some really basic guidelines of communication with amputees or people who don't look the same as you if you want to do like a specific do's and don'ts list would be more than happy to do that but I guess the real message of this video and like I said it could really just be summed up as talk to them like they're a normal person and ask questions if you have questions but make sure that you get their permission first instead of bombarding them instead of assuming that you have a right to their story because you don't because it's their story my story is my story and I choose to share it because I want to but that is not the case for everyone it is an intensely personal thing and if you want to know something that's totally fine but ask first thank you for pushing me around bolder uh-huh I'll get used to it he's the sweetest you would never know it and he's cute