 The Craft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as the great Gildersleeve! Gildersleeve is brought to you transcribed by the Craft Foods Company. More than 20 years ago, the Craft Foods Company introduced a wonderful new salad dressing, a superbly smooth, delicious tasting salad dressing called Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip was so remarkably good that it soon became the most popular salad dressing ever created. Now Miracle Whip outsells the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined, and good cooks everywhere depend on it to make their salads better tasting. To bring out the best in your salads, use the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. Always has to make minor adjustments when relatives come to visit, but when a relative like Aunt Hattie arrives, it calls for major adjustments. After a week of such stern domination, the great Gildersleeve and Leroy find it difficult to keep smiling. No, Leroy, it isn't that she'll be here forever. How do you know? She'll go back home sooner or later. Let's be cheerful. I'll wait until she leaves, then I'll be cheerful. No, my boy. She keeps the shades pulled down all day. I feel like I'm living in a coat closet. Well, I'm going to do something about this dark house. The idea. The shades pulled at high noon. Birdie! Birdie! Yeah, I want you, Uncle. She hates noise. You can't be... Oh, quiet, Birdie. It's a little dark in here. I wonder if we shouldn't raise the shades. That would be a good idea. Well, will you take care of it? Leroy, would you like to do it? Not me. Birdie, let's not pass the buck. Let's raise the shades. This is my house, you know. Yes, but you ain't giving the honest. Oh, yeah, I'll raise the shade. I'm not afraid of Aunt Hattie. As Aunt Hattie says, no use fading the rugs. No nerve, huh? It isn't that. I'll just raise it a few inches. Oop! Slipped out of my hand. I think I'll go out and play. I think I'll head for the kitchen. No, wait a minute. Both of you are exaggerating. You make it sound like Aunt Hattie's a terrible ogre. Good onk! Doc Morton! Yeah! You have a good rest? Well, I did until people started shouting down here. Oh, sorry, Aunt Hattie. And for heaven's sakes, what's the shade doing up at the ceiling? Well, that's the awful racket. Yeah. Leroy, I explained to everybody that the hot sun fades rugs. I didn't do it. Birdie, don't look at me. I'm innocent. Then who could have done it? A big 220-pound elf? Aunt Hattie, I was adjusting the shade and it got away from me. Yeah, I'll pull it down again. That's more like it. You'll put the shades up tonight. Tonight? Then everybody can see in. Well, I have no objection to anybody seeing what I do at night. There's nothing more heartwarming to the passing stranger than the happy family circle framed in the picture window. Who's happy? Birdie, when you went to the grocery this morning, did you remember to get my yeast and yogurt? Yes, ma'am. You forgot it the other day. That'll never happen again. Uh, Leroy, some children are playing in the back lot. Will you tell them to be quiet until 1.15? I'm napping. Right away, Aunt Hattie. And, uh, Throckmorton, you keep your little pinkies off those winter shades, or Aunt Hattie will spank. Oh, right, Aunt Hattie. Now, you better finish your nap or you'll be cross tonight. Well, I had to come down and straighten you people out. Be cheerful, Aunt. Like you say, she won't stay forever. I will see to that. Look into the kitchen, will you? Okay. Yes, ma'am. Still asleep. We're going to have a little council of war. Okay, I'll read the icebox. Leroy, pay attention. No eating. Well, you said it was a council of war, and they say an army marches on its stomach. Yes, yes. Now, I know we're all fond of Aunt Hattie. Yeah? Oh, yes, sir. But we're also agreed that she has overstayed her business. Yeah. Yes, sir. We want to be diplomatic about it, but we must let Aunt Hattie know she can't stay all summer. So we have to think of a plan. I can think better when I'm eating. Leroy. Bert has thought of her plan. Oh, yes, Bertie. Bert has decided that Van Hattie stays around Bert is going on an extended vacation. Why shouldn't she leave? Leroy, that's eggplant cooked with spinach. A very special recipe. I think Bertie has an idea. Bertie thinks so too. What I'm getting at is, we can tell Aunt Hattie we're all going on a vacation. Yeah? Bertie can go her way. You and I, Leroy, will go up to Clear Lake and fish. And Aunt Hattie can go home. Well, I know she wouldn't want to interfere with our vacation. Hey, aren't you using your head? Yes, sir. Mr. Gilfrey's got a brain. You know what you got, Mr. Gilfrey? You got a brain. Yes, thank you, Bertie. Can we leave right after school's out? Yeah, why not? Maritza Williger says I can take my vacation any time I want. I've got everything under control at the water department. No, boy. I'll suit Bertie. Bertie's ready to head to the mountains and relax on the pine needle. Yeah, good, Bertie. Yes, sir. Instead of getting needle by Aunt Hattie, Bertie's going to relax on the pine needle. All right, Bertie. Mr. Gilfrey, you know what Bertie's going to do? Yes, Bertie. Yes, sir. Bertie, be more quiet. Oh, come on. Let's go break the news to Aunt Hattie. Yeah, good idea. Aunt Hattie, thought you were resting? I was, but who can rest with all the racket? Yeah, well, Bertie was just amused about something. About what? Yeah, well. She's going on a vacation. Yeah. Blended. It's a good idea for her to go while I'm here. We have our little conflicts in the kitchen, so I'd love a free hand. Well, there won't be any cooking to do, Aunt Hattie. Why not? As a matter of fact, Leroy and I will be going on our vacation at the same time. Yeah. Clear Lake. We're going to rent a cabin, huh? Yes, indeed. Well, in that case, I'll go along with you and do the cooking. What? Well, it wouldn't be a vacation if you didn't have somebody to cook for you. Oh, grown. No, Aunt Hattie. We like to rough it. Yeah, the rougher the better. We'll be fishing all day, eating out of cans. Rockmorton. Leroy is a growing boy. He needs a balanced meal. Well, true. I'll not have little Leroy eating out of cans. Like a goat. The cooking. Yeah, well, of course, these plans are just tentative, Aunt Hattie. I have a lot of work to do at the office. I may not be able to get away until later. Probably after you've gone home. Yeah. What are you leaving? Well, I will never leave when I'm needed. And I may not get away until August. That's all right. I'll stay. Up in Pee-Vee's. Pick up some cigars and go on to the office tonight. I'd rather work nights than have Aunt Hattie breathing down my neck at home. Hello, Pee-Vee. Yeah, I don't know, Mr. Jonas Lee. What can I do for you this evening? Yeah, give me a handful of cigars. Yeah. I thought your Aunt Hattie made you give up cigars. Only around the house. I can smoke tonight. I'll be at the office. Have work tonight? Yeah, let's say I prefer to. I know what you mean. Seems I always have a lot of work to do at the pharmacy when Mrs. Pee-Vee's mother comes to visit. Yeah, you just want to stay away from the house. I'm very fond of Mrs. Pee-Vee's mother. That's because she seldom comes to stay. She wouldn't if I didn't send Mrs. Pee-Vee over there. I like to save Mother Hawkins the trip. Oh, sure. Does it matter if I'm Mrs. Pee-Vee's visiting or not? Yeah. Care to go bowling? I don't have to go to the office. Well, I'd like to, but I have to go home at nine o'clock and feed the parrot. Does he have to be fed at nine o'clock? If I don't, he'll tell on me. You're a blabbermouth. Hey, there's your boss peeping in the door. Right. What do you think, Pee-Vee? Oh, hello, Mantleman again. You're asleep? Yeah, hello, Mr. Mayor. Spending the evening at the soda fountain? Well... I thought this is where you spend most of the day. Yeah, no, Mr. Mayor. I'll take a package of these razor blades, Pee-Vee. I thought all of us employees gave you an electric razor last Christmas. I still need these. I may be shaving some employee's salary if he doesn't spend more time at the office. Zoink. Mr. Gouldersleeve leaves on his way to the office tonight. Aren't you Mr. Gouldersleeve? Oh, yes, yes, indeed. Pee-Vee, did Gouldersleeve pay you to make that statement? No, but if he wants to, it's all right. No, I was just telling Pee-Vee, I plan to spend the whole evening at the office. Commissioner, whom are you trying to impress? Nobody. I expect to be at the office nearly every night. His aunt Hattie is living with him now. Who? Frankly, Mr. Mayor, I have relative troubles I'd rather not talk about. I understand. Well, I must get home before I have relative troubles. Oh, do you have relatives at home? Mrs. Tawiliga. It is very funny, Mr. Mayor. It is not. Goodbye, man. Goodbye. I can never tell when the Mayor's kidding. He wasn't kidding about shaving somebody's salary. Yeah. No harm in letting him know I'm going to work tonight. No, I know. Since I'm not going home and sit with Aunt Hattie. It's no laughing matter. You don't know what we put up with. Shades drawn. You practically have to tiptoe around the house. She doesn't like company. My aunt is so showy, she... Say, Pee-Vee, we've been friends a long time. Would you like to help me get rid of Aunt Hattie? No, Mr. Gildesleeve. Well, all right. All right. You don't want to accommodate a good customer. I'll take my business elsewhere. Well, what did you have in mind? Yeah, it just occurred to me that with Mrs. Pee-Vee out of town, you could come over and stay at my house for a few days. Mr. Gildesleeve, you're not that good a customer. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Just think this thing through. With Mrs. Pee-Vee away, where do you get your meals? Here at the pharmacy. You can't live on vitamin pills. I can on bologna sandwiches and banana splits. Oh, my goodness. How would you like to have Bertie prepare you a big breakfast every morning? Bacon, eggs, hot biscuits. Well... And a big dinner every night. Thick chops, juicy roasts, two-inch steaks. What do you say, Pee-Vee? Just heck with the bologna. I'll be over in the morning. Oh, you're talking. Is it all right if I bring the parapet? No, I don't think you're better. Aunt Hattie doesn't like parrots, and you wouldn't want anything to happen to the bird. No, no, I wouldn't say that. We'll be back in just a minute. If we were to take a popularity poll of vegetable courses, chances are the winner would be broccoli or asparagus with Hollandaise sauce. And don't wonder, nothing nicer could happen to these tender green vegetables than the smooth, creamy sauce we call Hollandaise. But perhaps you don't enjoy this tempting combination as often as you'd like, because as even the most accomplished cook will admit, Hollandaise sauce is a tricky thing to make. Well, here's good news. Now you can make Hollandaise sauce quickly and easily, Hollandaise sauce that can't fail. You do it with Miracle Whip salad dressing. Miracle Whip, the famous salad dressing with the lively teasing flavor, the very special flavor that no other salad dressing has. Miracle Whip is made from a secret craft recipe, one that combines the qualities of old-fashioned boil dressing and fine, rich mayonnaise. It's blended carefully, thoroughly with special craft beaters to give it the creamiest, smoothest texture you ever saw. Now, to make your never-fail Hollandaise sauce, you put one cup of Miracle Whip into the top half of a double boiler with hot water in the bottom half, and heat the Miracle Whip for 10 minutes without boiling. Then just add two tablespoons of lemon juice and mix it in well. That's all there is to it. Try it soon. It's a good idea to get the quart jar of Miracle Whip when you buy, so you'll have plenty on hand for all the cool, colorful salads you like to serve these days, too. Remember, it's America's favorite salad dressing, the one and only Miracle Whip, that, like the plumbing, she'll become a permanent fixture. Getting desperate, the water commissioner has decided to capitalize on Aunt Hattie's dislike of noise and strangers. I've invited Peevie to stay with us a few days, Bertie. Yes, sir? We'll put him in the den. Yes, sir. He's bringing his parrot, too, Bertie. Come again? I say he's bringing his parrot. That's what I thought you said. Where does the parrot sleep? Yeah, we'll put the parrot in the hall next to Aunt Hattie's room. I was hoping you wouldn't put that bird in my room. Oh, no. Oh, this birdie would fly the coop. Bertie ain't carrying on no conversations with no parrots. Well, he can talk to Aunt Hattie. Yes, sir. Mr. Gilfield, you think Ms. Hattie's gonna like all this company? You've got another idea. You bet. You know how Aunt Hattie hates people and noise. Oh, what's that? That's Piggie's jalopy. Oh? He and Leroy just drove it in the backyard. Gee, they're wondering Aunt Hattie doesn't say something about this. She would, but she went to market for some eggplant and spinach. Oh, do we have to have that again, Bertie? I promise Peevie steak. Well, I ain't planning all the meals now, you know. Yeah, I know. Piggie? Hello, Mr. Gilersleeve. Hi, Bertie. Hello, Piggie. Aunt Piggie, good morning. Aunt Piggie drove us jalopy over. I heard it. We're putting on a new horn. What do you think of it? Yeah, look. I got it hooked up to a dry cell. Put it here on a dining room table, Piggie. Okay. Yeah, dude. Do you have to bring it in the house? We won't. You can hardly hear it now. See? Oh, my goodness. Sounds like the Chicago stockyards. Yeah, that's a good thing Ms. Hattie ain't here. Yeah. Say, Piggie, how'd you like to stay for dinner? Oh, what are you gonna have? Probably eggplant and spinach. I gotta go home. No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. We're going back to steak tonight. I'll stay. Oh, boy. Piggie, why don't you come over and spend a few days with Leroy? I stayed with him one night and you nearly blew your top. Well, you shouldn't have been rollerskating in your room. But this time it's different. Okay, but I'll have to go home for my trombone lesson. What the heck? Bring your trombone. Fine, Bertie. Piggie should be here any minute. Have you told Ms. Hattie he's coming? No. I want her to be a surprise. Once Piggie's here, she can't do anything about it. No, sir. Right, Lawson? Yes, Aunt Hattie? You had a phone call when you were out. From your boss. Mayor DeWilliger? He wondered why you weren't in your office this afternoon. Oh, where were you? I worked two nights in a row. Well, the mayor was quite bossy. As a matter of fact, I don't like his attitude. Yeah, I know. And if he calls again, I may just have to tell him in no uncertain terms. No, Aunt Hattie, let's not get me in trouble with the mayor. Somebody's at the door talking for me. Yeah, I know. I know. You bring your bag right in. Who are you, the Rush salesman? No, I'm Mr. Peeley. Aunt Hattie, this is an old friend of mine. Oh? Didn't I tell you he was staying with us a few days? You most certainly did not. Yeah, well, his wife's out of town, so he asked if he might stay over here. Mr. Jonas Neal, it wasn't exactly mine. Didn't you explain to Mr. Peeley that you already have a house guest? No, not yet. You could come into the den, Peeley, and make yourself at home. Well, I left a parent on the porch. Parrot? Oh, good heavens. Oh, Mr. Peeley couldn't leave it at home, Aunt Hattie. Well, I hope it doesn't talk. What was that? That's your parent. Very talented. Birdie! Yes, ma'am? Will you get the parent off the porch? Yes, ma'am. Oh, sorry, Aunt Hattie. Should I show you to your room, Peeley? Wait a minute. Well, now don't go running off, Mark Martin. What do you mean, Aunt Hattie? Well, I think I should know a little more about somebody I have to stay in the same house with. Well, Mr. Peeley is our neighborhood drugist and the member of the Jolly Boys Club. You've heard me speak of the Jolly Boys. Is that the noisy group that sings? I can prove I'm a member. There is a covering in the town, in the town. I'll take your word for it. Very well. TV singing. Oh, this is getting to be the noisiest house. I must be back. Good heavens. Who's Piggy? Little friend visiting Leeroy. Another visitor? No, Piggy. Who? Piggy Branch. Hi, Aunt Hattie. How do you do? Hey, Mr. Peeley, you moved in too? Me and your parrot. More the merrier. Yeah, how about that? We've got three P's. Piggy, Mr. Peeley, and the parrot. How about that, Aunt Parrot? I mean Aunt Hattie. I think I'll go to my room. Oh, well, perhaps today will be better. Oh, I don't know, Birdie. No, ma'am. That parrot must have been in the Navy. Oh, yes, ma'am. That bird's seen a lot of duty. He was whistling out the window all night. Well, it's not amusing, Birdie. Mr. Peeley was very presumptuous in bringing it over. Well, Mr. Gilles, he likes Mr. Peeley. Well, Throckmorton likes too many people. He's just a soft touch. Yes, ma'am. What are you doing with those eggs? I'm coddling eggs for Mr. Peeley. Well, why does he have them scrambled like the rest of us? Well, you're the only one that likes them scrambled. Oh, that's the only way to eat eggs. Oh, that horn again. See, Ryan's piggy putting it on the car. Oh, that piggy. Why, Throckmorton, it tolerates him. In this house, I'll never know. No, ma'am. Oh, everybody comes and just stays. Yes, ma'am. Oh, sometimes. Sometimes I feel sorry for Throckmorton. Everybody takes advantage of him. Where is he? Oh, he's gone to the office. He's got an early call from the man. Now, take that snippy, ma'am. I just know he exploits Throckmorton because he's easygoing. Oh, he's easygoing, all right. Well, I'm leaving this house. But before I go, I'm going to do Throckmorton a favor. You are? I'm going down and give that mayor a piece of my mind. Uh-oh. Honestly, you're speaking. You had a busy morning. You know, I've got to stop her. This morning, Mr. Mayor, I said to myself, I'm going to take this matter into my own hands. My good woman, if you'll excuse me, I'm very busy. I won't excuse you until you answer a few questions. Well, what is it? I suspect that you, like everybody else in Somerfield, take my nephew, Throckmorton, for granted. I beg your pardon? Do you know that he worked at the water department every night this week when he might have been home with his aunt, Hattie? Well, he tried to impress me by claiming he was going to work one night. There you go. Belittling. He worked every night. He really did. He has to work. You should see the mouth he has to feed while the poor man that he's with's end. I've suspected that for some time, but... He won't speak up for himself, so I'm going to. Throckmorton deserves a raise. Well, I... You know, Mr. Mayor. Ask his leader. Your Honor, don't believe a word she says. Very well. What did she say? She just about talked me into giving you a raise. Oh! Just 30 seconds. If you want to shine as a salad cook, remember, the little extra touches are important. The capers you sprinkle over the chicken salad, the chopped nuts on the fruit salad. But of course, most important is your choice of the right salad dressing. That's why we suggest you choose Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip salad dressing has a flavor that millions of folks agree is just right. Lively teasing. Perfect. Try it. Enjoy the most delicious salads you've ever tasted. Salads made with the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. Come again. I will. I had a fine visit. Good. And I would have gotten you a raise from the mayor if you hadn't barged in when you did. Oh, yes. Well, my fault, Aunt Hattie. I appreciate everything, though. Believe me. Goodbye. Goodbye, Throckmorton. Now all behavior... Well, she's gone last. She's a good old soul. Oh, my. What a relief. Oh, hello, Gilda Sleeve. Yeah, ma'am. To Williger. Hey, what are you doing down here at the railroad station? You, well, I... Gilda Sleeve, I've been thinking about that Aunt Hattie of yours. You all? Outspoken, refreshing, different. I admire her plucks. You do? Uh, Mrs. To Williger would enjoy knowing her. Why don't you bring her over to dinner this evening and we'll talk about that raise. Maurice, you stop the train. Aunt Hattie, jump! Oh, good night, folks. NBC Radio Network Production. The show is written by John Elliott and Andy White. And this transcribe. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, William Randine Gamill, Johnny McGovern, and Dick McGregor's musical composition by Jack Meeker. This is John Easton saying goodnight for the craft food company makers of the famous line of craft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next week and every week for the further adventures of the great Gilda Sleeve. What goes into your favorite sandwich? Maybe it's roast beef or savory baked ham. Whatever your favorite, the perfect meat sandwich needs the perfect mustard. Craft prepared mustard. For when you add a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. You can take your choice of two kinds of craft mustard. Mild craft mustard is smooth and delicately spiced. Or if you like your mustard with extra pep, try craft mustard with snappy horserudish added. Keep them both on hand and keep everyone in the family happy. Next time, get craft prepared mustard. National Safety Council reminds you that speed kills. So take it easy. Speed is involved in more than one out of every three fatal accidents. Remember this when you're tempted to get there in a hurry. Don't drive like lightning and crash like thunder. To drive safely, simply use common sense when you're at the wheel. Simple safety precautions save money and lives. Tonight here, you bet your life with Groucho on the NBC radio network.