 Okay, so let's just be real here. You don't wanna be taken for granted by a guy. You want to be in a relationship where you're loved and you're seen and you feel like you're important to someone, you feel like he really cares about you. I don't want you to be taken for granted by a guy. Guys don't want to take you for granted. Really nobody wants you to be taken for granted at all, right? Like guys like it a lot more when they appreciate you and value you. Like everybody prefers that. And so today there's a lot of, look, I'm not going to dismiss anything that a guy does, right? Like guys, they can do things that you don't like and they can take you for granted and I'm not gonna dismiss that. However, I wanna make sure that you are taking ownership of your part and what you can do to make sure that you get into and stay in a great relationship. You get into a relationship where you're valued and seen and you make sure that that doesn't go away for, especially for no good reason, right? For something that you can prevent. One of the things that I used to find when I was in the men's dating industry and one of the challenges that a lot of guys have is that they'll meet a girl that they really like and everything, they get along really, really well with each other. And what I found is that usually the reason that it doesn't work out is because they do something to screw it up with the woman. And it's actually the same in the women's side, right? Like a lot of times, like your personality, your natural personality, he wants to connect with that. But we have these things that go on inside of us and a lot of times it's our insecurities. Sometimes it's just different things where we are past, right? Like past hurts that we have. So we're hurt and we wanna protect ourselves. And so we do all these different things or maybe we come from a space where we feel like we aren't loved or we're not good enough or something like that. And so we do all these different things to try to prove that we should be loved or that we can be loved or try to get a guy to love us. And a lot of times it's those things that prevent him from actually loving you or having a, you know, on the men's side in that case, you know, having a girl love them. And if you kind of got out of your own way and pushed all these things that you do that actually push a guy further away from you out of the way, it's a lot easier for him to connect with you and love you. That's one of the reasons I talk about leaning back and all those different things because a lot of times it's, you know we feel like we have to do something or you feel like you have to do something in order to get love or to prove something or in order for something to go right. And really it's usually the opposite. You just need to stop doing something or just lean back, chill out, relax, let go and just let things happen. And that's when the magic usually happens. That's when a lot of women turn things around. And so today I'm gonna talk about four big mistakes that women make who end up getting taken for granted by men and what you can do to make sure that you, that doesn't happen and instead you're loved and valued and appreciated. My name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. And if you don't have my program yet, you can go check it out. It's over at theforeverwomanformula.com. If you like my work, if you like what I'm doing, one of the best ways to support me and what I'm doing is to join our program and join our community and share this video if at all possible with a woman that might need it. If you know someone who's in a situation where she might need this help or some work or whatever that I'm doing, please share the videos because that's really one of the best ways that we can help as many women as possible. So what are some of the ways that women behave that end up getting taken for granted by men? And a lot of times they think that they're doing something that's helping them but it's actually hurting them and pushing the guy that's in their life away. Okay, so and if you're here with us right now make sure that you say hi in the chat and let us know where in the world you're watching this from it's really cool seeing women all over the world watching our live streams. It's really awesome. Number one, the first thing that women do to that who kind of get taken for granted by men is being way too available. And so what this looks like is always being around always being available, always being there having nothing else going on in your life except for him like basically smothering him with text messages, with being around him with being at his beck and call being always available always being there. And usually this ends up coming from a space of fear, right? Fear of not being enough, of not being important of not being valuable enough thinking that you're not really valuable enough and so you try to prove that you are by doing all these things for him. And a lot of times I'll hear women say things like I gave my everything to this guy, right? And he still took me for granted and this is usually that case, right? It's a very noble thing and looking at it, I mean, it's really cool that you can give so much of yourself to a relationship but especially in the early stages and even on into the relationship you need to have a little bit of scarcity. It's something that I call the scarcity principle. I talk about this in the forever woman program. And most of the women that I talk to err on the side of being way too available and becoming the social planner of his life doing everything for him, smothering him, trying to figure out where he is and doing all that kind of stuff. And what you wanna do is you wanna lean back, right? You wanna give him some space and I talked about this in my Leaning Back video as well but you don't wanna be too unavailable either, right? There's a healthy middle ground. Like you don't wanna be way on the side of being super available and you're always around and you're always there and you're in front of them and you're doing all these things for them and you also don't wanna be on the side of being completely unavailable and not around and he can't even get into a relationship with you because you only have these small windows of opportunity for him to even be there and it doesn't really work out for him, right? And I've seen both with women and so you wanna have a middle ground, right? Where you have your own life and you have things going on in your life and you're healthy and you make yourself happy and you think of yourself as a valuable, amazing, incredible woman and you have things going on in your life that you love, your own passions, your own things that you really like and you still have a ability to connect with a guy and be there with him and experience different things with him. So that's number one, being way too available. Number two is having no standards and what this looks like usually is letting a guy walk all over you or them and having no opinions, having no likes, having no dislikes, having no preferences, having no standards that he has to get to or having a standard but then allowing him to walk all over that standard or push past that standard or not holding onto your boundaries or something like that, right? And what ends up happening is a guy just, he doesn't feel like you really are certain in yourself. He feels like you put him on a pedestal and the thing that I talk about is the law of belief transference, right? You might've heard me if you've watched some of my videos, you've heard of this before. And if you haven't, what it means is that whoever has the strongest belief about something is the one that transfers that belief to the other person. So if you believe deep inside that you aren't worthy, that you're not good enough, that you can't keep a man, that no man will ever love you, that no good men are out there, whatever those false beliefs are that you have, if you believe those beliefs stronger than he believes something else about the situation, like if he believes that you're amazing and valuable and awesome and wonderful, but you believe stronger than he does that you're not, you will transfer your belief over to him and he will start believing the same thing that you do. And what ends up happening is he ends up feeling like that is true, right? That you're not that valuable to him and he ends up taking you for granted and doing a whole bunch of things that you don't want him to do and he doesn't even necessarily want him to do, but he does it because it's difficult for him to do anything else because you're pushing that belief onto him so much just by being around him because your belief systems kind of leak out in you and around you and to the world around you, which is why I talk about the three different aspects of making sure that you believe something, that you communicate something, that you've created a lifestyle around that so that when you're out there in the world, it's like you can communicate that you're a high value woman, but if you don't believe deep inside that you're a high value woman, eventually that will seep out and it will go on to other people and you'll start behaving in a way even if you don't want to of a woman who doesn't believe that she's really that valuable. And so what you need to do is one, you need to change your belief systems and create beliefs within yourself where you believe that you're really a powerful, amazing, awesome woman who deserves the man and the relationship that you absolutely want and you need to make sure that you have standards and you have preferences that he can live up to and that show him and that you hold to so that he can kind of strive to meet those standards and those preferences. Okay, and so number three is chasing men who aren't interested. I get women who do this all the time. There's a woman in our community the other day who was asking if she should chase a man. And one thing that I do want to say is that if a man is moving towards you, if he is chasing you, if there's a movement forward towards you and he's all over you and he's talking to you and he's doing all these things for you, you can get away with a lot. But if he's not, if he's pulling away and he's backing off and he's not really that interested and you're moving forward towards him, what you're gonna do is just chase him away. And that's just how it works, right? Like, if a guy is chasing you and you're not interested, he will chase you away and you'll do the same thing with a guy if he's not interested in you. So you have to make sure that you show interest in a man but you're not chasing him around, right? You wanna drop, I call him like breadcrumbs or whatever, right? And show him that you're interested and that you want him and you want him to chase you but don't chase him, right? Show interest but don't chase. And the best thing that you can do with this is creating abundance. And I talk all about this as well in the Forever Woman program. You wanna create an abundance of connection and an abundance of options. And once you do that, it's a lot easier for you to not even think about it and not feel like you wanna chase guys because you'll have an abundance of different options there and you'll be sitting back and waiting for guys to come and chase you. You'll be leaning back and allowing guys to come and chase you and the right guys to step up. If he's interested, he will step up and try to pursue something more with you. And if a guy goes away for days at a time or something like that, just leave him be, just let him be, right? But you also don't wanna be in a situation where sometimes I'll hear these women in our community and they'll say things like, I'm leaning back and he's leaning back or she'll be like, oh, he ghosted me, right? And I'll be like, well, did you have you message him at all? And she's like, no. It's like, well, maybe he thinks that you ghosted him, right? Cause you both aren't communicating with each other and it's one of those things where a lot of times women will go to the extremes, right? They'll go from chasing a dude and being all over them to doing absolutely nothing. And like I said, with everything else, there's a middle ground there that you really wanna be in. That's where all the magic happens. The magic happens in the middle. Remember that, the magic happens in the middle. So you can connect with a guy, you can reach out, you can initiate contact with him. If he's been reaching out and initiating contact with you, if he hasn't been, then you can get yourself into a lot of trouble because then you end up chasing a guy who's not interested, just like I said. If you get what I'm talking about right here, make sure that you say, I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about or if you have questions about it, make sure that you ask your questions in the chat and I will get to them in a little bit here. And so the last one is allowing men in who only want hookups, right? And basically what this does is it makes you unavailable for good men. And I hear women in our community who do this all the time and they're like, oh yeah, I've been in this friend with benefits, casual relationship, situation ship for however many years or whatever. And really all it does, and it's fine, you know, if you wanna do that, that's fine, I'm not gonna tell you not to, but I don't recommend it. I don't recommend that you sleep around because what ends up happening is that you end up not being available for a good man who ends up coming around or you end up getting attached to a man who isn't really what you want or isn't really available for what you want. And I see that with women all the time, right? They end up getting attached to some guy and he's a porn addict or a drug addict or a alcohol abuser or he's emotionally unavailable or he's a wounded bird or he's, any of those kinds of things that are out there and then they're like, well, what do I do to fix them? And it's like, well, why are you trying to fix them? Well, we were in this casual and then I fell in love and now I'm attached. And it's like, okay, if my suggestion is that you don't sleep around, don't get into those kinds of situations because I hear a lot of women that talk about this stuff, especially now and it's actually on the men's side as well. A lot of men out there, I was just talking to a friend of mine who went on a date with a guy and the guy was like, he was from Peru or something like that and he was complaining to her that all the women that he meets just want hookups and they just want to sleep around and they don't want real relationships anymore. And it was kind of funny to hear that because we hear that so many times in the women's side of the community, but it's on both sides, right? People are complaining that everybody's just we're in the hookup culture, we're in the age of the hookup culture. And if you want to stay out of it, if you want to get into a real relationship, if you want something where a man values you and sees you and thinks you're an absolutely amazing woman, my suggestion is that you don't sleep around. It is possible that you can get there by sleeping around, but it's far less likely than if you follow my system, for instance, in the forever woman formula. Go to the foreverwomanformula.com, you can get the whole system there for free. My suggestion is that you use it. Okay, next we're gonna do question and answer here. I'll go through and see what kind of questions everybody has, see how many people are here chatting today. And so again, the four biggest mistakes are one, being way too available, right? Always being around, having nothing else going on in your life. Two is having no standards, right? Letting a guy walk all over you because you don't uphold any kind of standards that you might have or having no preferences. And I talk a lot about that in the chasing stuff that I do. Chasing men who aren't interested, right? Like you don't wanna chase a guy who's not interested. You want men to be chasing you. You want them to come to you. You can show interest, just don't chase any guys. And the last one is allowing men in who only want hookups. My suggestion is that you do not sleep around. Too many women are in too many bad situations because they sleep around and because some people out there, I guess there's some dating advice people out there who are suggesting that. I do not suggest that. I recommend that you stay out of the hookup culture and that instead you just don't sleep around and you wait for a real connection with a guy who meets your standards and who chases you and pursues you and who wants the type of relationship that you want and who has an emotional connection with you. Okay, so what kind of questions do you have? If you have any questions, make sure you ask them in the chat and I will go through the chat and I will go through all the different questions that everybody has. Helena Hartz says, hey Matt, you're the best. I think you're the best too, Helena. Thanks for being here. Sissy says, hi Matt. Hey, Merry Christmas. Got lots of Merry Christmases. Merry Christmas, everybody. It's Christmas tomorrow in case you're watching this on the replay. So hello, hello, hello. Merry Christmas. Let's see. Klicks Madre says, been watching Matt, Helena and Adrian for about a week. Love you guys. Thank you. I love you too. Do everybody here who is watching and a part of our community, you are the best part of our community. We have the best women in the world as a part of our community. So thank you so much for being here. I appreciate you. I think you're absolutely wonderful. Iris says, hi from Texas. Been dating a guy for three months and he pulls away at times and yes, I'm way too available for him. I even cater to his every need. Just don't know how to be different. Well, how do you be different is to lean back and do what I talk about in the forever woman program. Create scarcity. I talk about the scarcity principle in the forever woman program and that's what I suggest that you do is you create some scarcity so that it's like a diamond, right? So why do people value diamonds? People value diamonds the same reason that men value women and it's that diamonds are rare, they're scarce, they're beautiful, they're difficult to obtain, right? And you want to have all the same ingredients as a diamond and the more you have those same ingredients, the more valuable he will see you as. And so that's what the forever woman program is all about is helping you see yourself as the diamond and helping you create the communication and the environment so that he sees that you're the diamond and then he values you as the diamond. So my suggestion is that you go to theforeverwomanformula.com and check out getting my program there for free. There should be a link above or below this video depending on where you're watching it from. So hello, hello, hello. Bev says, but what do you do if you lay back and then they want to know why you aren't available? Well, you need to communicate. I talk all about this, about how to do this as well in the forever woman program. You need to communicate what's going on with you. And so if you just disappear all of a sudden, he's gonna think that you're either one cheating on him if you're in a relationship or two not interested anymore in seeing other guys and you don't want him to think those things, right? Instead you want him to, so there's kind of this thing out there that's called jealousy, right? Like people want to do like jealousy things and make guys jealous and all that kind of stuff. And the worst way to do it is try to make guys jealous of another guy. Instead, what you want to do is make him jealous of other things, right? Other things getting your time because what jealousy does if it's subtle is it makes a guy compete. And if you want him to compete, you don't want him to be competing with other guys necessarily. You want him to be competing for your time. That's a far more, far healthier thing for him to be jealous about. And then you don't end up screwing it up and throwing other guys in his face and him thinking that you're a horrible human being. And so you definitely want to do that. You definitely want to communicate what's going on with you so that he thinks he needs to step up, right? And start pulling you in more because you're unavailable and doing these other things. And he's like, wow, you have an amazing, awesome life and you're so into it. And how can I compete with this? Well, the only way I can compete is if I step up and make sure that I'm taking you off the dating market and that I'm chasing and pursuing you and that I'm impressing you and doing all the things that you want him to do in order to be invested and feeling like he wants to commit to you. And the way that you do that is by communicating what's going on and then creating that scarcity. And so like I said, I talk about it in the forever woman program, the foreverwomanformula.com, go there and do that. Misty Bush says, love his mind. Thanks for sharing, Matthew, you're welcome. Amal says, talk more about how to love ourselves. Well, that's a pretty big topic. I'm about to start creating some programs here about exactly how to and taking you through a process that I have for loving yourself. It's called shadow work, but basically the base level of loving yourself is really acceptance, right? Full acceptance of who you are, your good side and your bad side. A lot of times what people will do is they will find that they have this side of themselves that they're embarrassed of or they're ashamed of or they don't wanna talk about or they don't wanna tell people about. And so they push that side of themselves away and they don't tell anybody about it and they pretend it's not a part of them, but it keeps creeping up, right? And it's this side where you feel like you're not good enough and you're not worthy, you're not somebody who deserves a great man. And once you accept that side and pull that side in and love that side of yourself, all of a sudden that side loses its energy and it's a lot easier to control that side and not allow that side to kind of take over and control you, right? Which is what ends up happening if you push it away. And there's another side of it as well though, which is the side where you see your own greatness. You see how amazing and beautiful and wonderful you are. And a lot of times people, women will push that side away from them as well because they feel like they don't deserve it or that's not really who they are or all these other things where they don't recognize their own greatness and their own beauty, their own majestic nature, right? And so you need to pull both of those sides in and once you do that, you create this experience of being whole, this wholeness experience where when you come from that space, all of a sudden it's so much easier to get rid of people who don't love you, right? Or who treat you badly. It's not even a question anymore. Somebody treats you badly. You're like, okay, get out of my life. I don't want you anywhere near me because I only want people who recognize this amazing human being that I am as well, right? Not from a like a narcissistic point of view but from a point of view of confidence and knowing that you are a great human being that is worthy of love and is ready to give love and spread your amazingness around the world and with a great partner and give to a partner who's also worthy and deserving of that as well. And so I hope that answers your question. I could talk about that forever. So Lala says, can you talk about narcissistic traits, please? That is the key. Well, that's also a big topic. I'll probably end up doing some videos on narcissistic traits here in the future. My suggestion though is that you replace the word narcissistic with toxic because what ends up happening? I was just talking to my brother about this because he just got out of a relationship and he watched some video about narcissistic traits and now it's like he's seeing narcissistic traits everywhere and every woman he's ever dated is a narcissist and then all women became narcissists to him and then he had this realization when we were talking that a lot of those traits are, some of those traits are in everybody because they're just traits that people have and if you look at them as single individual traits, sometimes it might be healthy, it might not be healthy but you can't really call a person a narcissist just because they have one trait and what it ends up doing is objectifying and dehumanizing people which ends up just creating bad relationships and a challenge. I mean, there are a lot of narcissistic people out there if you go by the kind of traditional definition and not the clinical definition of narcissism but like I said, that's a huge topic and I'll probably do some videos later on it. Okay, so it's a beautiful day says great point. I was the woman who didn't feel worthy and put the man on a pedestal. In 2019, I was the chaser. I chased him away. These points are for me. All right, well, and hopefully what you'll end up doing is stop chasing guys away and start instead allowing men to come and chase you. And like I said, if you wanna do that, you should go check out my program, the forever woman program. It's a great program there. So let's see, Megan says, my boyfriend of one year is a single dad and depressed due to numerous negative life events. He has been withdrawn but assures me that he wants me in his life. I don't live with him. How often should I reach out? Well, the real question is, is he reaching out? Like what's going on there? The other thing that I would question is, what's going on with you and him? He's a single dad. He's depressed due to numerous negative events. So one of the questions that I'd have for you is, is this guy a wounded bird that you're trying to like heal and help him, right? Cause that happens a lot with women because so many women come from this space of being really caring and really loving and really nurturing. And so they want to help guys out, right? And you'll find these wounded bird situations where women are trying to like heal some guy and sometimes it can work, right? Sometimes you can inspire a man to kind of heal through his own stuff but that's usually not the case. Usually what the case is, is that you end up enabling him and preventing him from healing because what a lot of guys do is they end up healing their past wounds so that they can be with a great woman. And so if you end up fulfilling all of his needs by being with him before he's healed, what ends up happening with a lot of guys is that they stop healing themselves. And what it sounds like here is you're saying, how often should I reach out? Which to me is kind of a little signal, a little flag that says, well, how often is he reaching out and why are you even asking about that, right? Is he reaching out to you? And if he's not reaching out to you, that should be a question about what's really going on here. Are you chasing a man who's not really that interested or are you enabling a guy who's a wounded bird? What's going on there? But if you want a textbook answer about what it is and how often you should be reaching out, you should be reaching out no more than 50% of the time. He should be reaching out 50% of the time and you should be reaching out no more than 50% of the time, ideally somewhere between 50 and 20%. In some certain circumstances, it is okay to do that more often, but for the most part, if you're here and you're trying to get advice and you feel like there's something wrong, you should be reaching out less than 50% of the time and you should be encouraging him to reach out more to you. So Iris says, Iris from Texas has been dating a man for three months. We spend every other day together, but at times he sends me mixed signals because then he pulls away. I don't get it. I'm so good then. Yep. Joe Max says, what about long distance relationships? What about long distance relationships, Joe Max? A lot of this stuff is in the same kind of realm of long distance relationships. Long distance relationships are a little bit more challenging. Here's, so since you asked about long distance relationships and even though that was all you said was what about long distance relationships, I will give you a little nugget on long distance relationships. And this gold nugget that I'm going to give you is the question about what makes a guy feel loved. And I'm just going to assume that you're actually in a relationship and this isn't some kind of online thing where you've never actually met the guy before and that you're not actually in a relationship but that you are in a relationship and that you guys see each other hopefully at least once a month, if not more than that. And what I would say is one of the most powerful things that you can give to a man in a long distance relationship is asking him what you do that makes him feel loved, right? And when you're connecting with a guy in a long distance relationship and you ask him that question, he gets a chance to kind of tell you what's good for him and what's not good for him. And you want to hear that because you, if you're connecting with a guy long distance and he's not feeling like he's being loved from a distance and you feel like you're loving him, it can be a huge mismatch, right? There's the Five Love Languages book and that's a great book but it's kind of generic and it's things that's good for kind of setting up different categories of what things could be valuable but for each person there's an individual thing that they really love, right? That they really appreciate, that makes them feel loved and that can be kind of outside of the Five Love Languages stuff and so the best way to find out what that is for him is to actually ask him what you do that makes him feel loved. All right, let's see, what else do we have here? More happy, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. KSS standards, I agree, standards, have standards. Jenna Marie says, does the Get The Guy program work if you were just dating for months? We had a great connection but ended things because he said he wasn't ready for a committed relationship yet. He's only divorced one year and I three years, we have had contact bit minimal. Now I'm doing your program and waiting out 21 days with no contact. Yeah, what I suggest for everybody is that you get the Forever Woman program because that gives my main principles for everything. You can go get it for free at theforeverwomanformula.com and that's stuff that you absolutely need to know about. All that stuff in there is stuff that you need to know regardless of what kind of a situation you're in. And I'm gonna be putting out some new programs here in the near future about different scenarios and different situations from long distance to I'm putting together a new one about getting your ex back and some new programs about connecting with a man's heart and getting a guy to fall in love and all kinds of different things like that. So just watch out for those things. So it's a beautiful day. I was chasing what turned out to be a bar fly. In the end I chased him away but it was my blessing because he was a bar harem. Yeah, you know, it's definitely something that you want to think about. Joe Max says the separation of long distance and adult responsibility are making our relationship frustrating and cause constant stress and arguments. Yep, that can definitely happen for sure. Like I said, do what I was talking about earlier and that will help you out a lot. Because if you're doing a whole bunch of things and it's not really connecting with him and he's not feeling seen or he's not feeling heard or he's not feeling like he's really connecting with you, then you guys might be doing all these things and you think you're trying to get somewhere with this relationship but it's going nowhere because you're going in the wrong direction. Michelle says, didn't text him today. He didn't come around, he didn't come round X took. Not sure what that means. Iris says it's so hard to say anything to him cause I don't want him to run from me but I get so hurt cause I'm so good to him and he is just so reserved. The only time I get affection is in the bedroom. Yeah, you definitely need, you definitely, Iris, you definitely have a communication problem there and so you have some work to do. You need to have some communication, you need to make sure that you're doing what I talk about in the forever woman program and you need to talk about what's going on with each other so that you're not feeling like you're being neglected in your relationship. Jenna Marie says, I was too available, didn't know this was a problem. Yeah, it can definitely be a problem and you think that it's not a problem because you're doing all these things and you feel really good about yourself doing all of these things and how noble and awesome it is and it is really noble and awesome but it's not actually what most people need. Most people need some kind of space and they need that scarcity so that they can feel your value cause they want to feel like you're valuable as well. It's not, guys don't want to take you for granted. It's part of human nature, right? It works with men and with women. Men and women, if you're too available all the time around them and doing everything and all that kind of stuff, they'll end up taking you for granted. It doesn't matter who they are or what, they'll do that because that's part of human psychology. It works with everything. It's basic economics. Dorothy says, no booty call here, good. Terry Field says, I don't sleep and he left. Ghost disappeared. He went back to girlfriend and she broke up three weeks. Now he moved to her town, yeah. And that's one of the reasons why you have to be careful with people who are just out of a relationship because you get a rebound and then you have somebody else who's already there who's been in their life for a lot longer and has a much bigger emotional connection with that person. And so a lot of people end up getting back with an X because they find out that when they go into the real world it's like they don't have that same connection and they're really comfortable then and they got certain needs met and then they jump back into it because they feel like it's not really what is going on there that they need in the new kind of situations. So Barbara says, is creating scarcity playing emotional games? No, it's giving somebody room, right? It's giving somebody room to breathe. It's learning about how people work and connecting with them in a way that they makes them appreciate you even more, right? And it's just, that's how human behavior works, right? Like people appreciate things that are in high demand, right? Like they're emotionally connected to and that they want but that are scarce, right? And it's one of those things where if you're around a person all the time what ends up happening is they end up taking you for granted and they feel like there's a term out there it's like a street term that people use and it's something like get comfortable, right? Like you've gotten too comfortable with somebody, right? And you start talking to them like you don't value them, you don't appreciate them. I used to do Zen meditation back in the day. I did a few years, I was in and out of Zen temples for a few years doing a lot of meditation. And one of the things that they said, one of the monks said is he said, if one of the, he said that you should always be about three mountains away from your Zen master. And the reason that he says things like that is because when you're around somebody you start like noticing all the ways that they're actually human and eventually you stop seeing them as kind of this idealized human being which you don't wanna look at a person as an idealized human being or anything but the main point is that when they're scarce you see them as a lot more valuable and you see them as kind of this figure that you want to see them as instead of kind of taking them for granted and doing all that kind of stuff. But no, I don't think it's playing emotional games at all. I think that it's just looking at human nature and I think that there are different phases in relationships and especially in the kind of initial and middle phases of a relationship you it's very healthy to have some space and make sure that you're not giving everything to a relationship and that you've created some space and you have your own life and you have your own identity that way if something negative happens it doesn't like destroy your world which is what ends up happening a lot of times, right? So it's not just for him to feel like you're more valuable it's also for you to make sure that you're putting yourself into the best situation possible. Dorothy says we have the best coach ever loved this community, awesome. Well, high five, high five to you Dorothy. I appreciate you being here and thank you for saying that I am the best coach ever. So Victoria says I'm in a very unusual relationship where we have very deep feelings towards each other on every level but we are very far apart from each other. It's a torture to not be able to not be able together because his country would not let him out here. What should I do? Well, have you actually met this guy before? Is this person a real person that you know and that you've met? If it's not a real person that you know and that you've met? My suggestion is that you be very careful because there are a lot of scams out there and we hear about them all the time and make sure that you never give this person any money. Don't buy them anything, don't pay for anything for them, don't do any of that kind of stuff because that is a scam. And if it's not a scam, which it probably is but let's say that it's not, my suggestion is that you start meeting and dating other people and find people that are at least in your own country or in a country where you can travel back and forth to and they can travel, he can travel back and forth to and it's not a problem. This whole thing where you're getting into a relationship with a person who's in a country who he can't come to your country and you're not going to his country, that's a big red flag and it's something that you need to look at and make sure that you're not getting into a scam or a sketchy situation. C.C. says, how do I fix him thinking that I'm too young to be attracted to him? Yet we're 47 and 61, he's very attractive. Well, if he says things like you're too young to be attracted to me, it's probably that he's feeling like insecure about his age and the age difference that you two have between you. There's not a whole lot you can particularly do to make him or fix his thinking, right? He's got to fix his own thinking outside of you just creating kind of a safe space and just letting him know from a matter of fact standpoint and not putting a whole bunch of pressure on it, not pointing it out and talking about it all the time but just being like, yeah, you know what? I don't care about the age difference and if you care then you need to figure that out and if it's a problem for you, that's fine, just let me know and if you come from that standpoint and you say something like that to him, he's far more likely to be like, okay, it's fine and if he's not then it's something that he needs to work through. It's not something that you can fix for him. He needs to be able to come through that and figure that out himself. Sue says, are dating websites really the way to go? The answer to that is no. I just got out of a 23 year relationship in January but not sure if that's the way I want to meet singles. Yeah, I don't think that's the best way to meet singles. It kind of depends on where you live and what's going on in your area and how many people there are in your area and if there are high traffic kind of areas near you that you can go to where you can meet men without going online. I don't think that the best way is to go online. I know plenty of people who do online dating who have met great people online and there are plenty of great guys online. However, you do have to weed out a lot of guys and you can end up getting jaded and there's a lot of bad things that happen online and lots of scammers and stuff like that. And in my opinion, the best way to meet somebody is through is in-person. And the guys that you will meet in-person out and I'm not talking about at bars but out during the daytime are some of the best men that you will meet, period. And so my opinion is that the best way to meet men is to meet them in the real world and not online although you can do that if you need to create abundance like I talk about in the Forever Woman program. Okay, Tanya says, what do you mean what's going on with you? I don't know, what was that in reference to? Maria says, hi Matt, what do you do if you're in a LDR? I'm talking about different continents. I can't really be scarce if you want to actually see one another. Suggestions on how to get someone living afar to want to pursue you if they feel distance is an obstacle and you are willing to move in a few years. Well, like I said, it depends one on whether you've actually met this person in real life or not. If you haven't, then I would be very wary of whether this is actually the person that you're talking to is the real person and all kinds of different things, right? Like you need to, you can actually be scarce online. You can be scarce in a long distance relationship. You can also connect with each other on a regular basis and it's not really that big of a deal and so I'm not sure you're like suggestions on how to get someone living afar to want to pursue you if they feel distance is an obstacle. It's like, well, why are you trying to make somebody who's long distance, you know, like, what country are you from, Maria? What country are they from? Have you met them? You know, what's going on in the relationship? How long have you guys been seeing each other? There's a lot of questions that I have here. You know, what kind of a connection do you have? If he thinks that it's a really big obstacle, you know, why are you trying to get him to not think that it's an obstacle? You know, it is a legitimate obstacle, right? Like you guys, you're talking about years from now, right? You're like, in a few years, I might be moving to wherever in the world that you are. Maybe, you know, like I would be very concerned about that as well if I was dating somebody and I didn't want to move and they were like, well, maybe in a few years I might move over there. I'd be like, okay, well, I'll just date other people in the meantime and if you figure that out, that's great, right? Which is exactly what you should be doing is you should be dating other people and figuring things out with other people and this should be something that's on the back burner because you have no idea whether it's gonna work out or not and you're talking about moving to go see somebody and you know, like you guys don't live in the same country and I don't even know if you've even met each other before and so that's a, there are a lot of big concerns that I have about your situation, Maria and not a whole lot of answers since you didn't talk about those things in that. So, all right, so Christina says, I struggle with the period after the first date. What type of actions to expect from a good man who is interested? I communicate after I enjoyed myself and then they say the same, but then they go kind of go that broke off there, Christina. I don't see any more of your question there, but so what type of action should you expect from a good man who's interested? The type of actions are that he continues to pursue you and that he continues to talk to you and that he tries to meet up with you again and that he wants to go on another date with you, right, so you should communicate with him. If he tries to communicate with you, you should communicate with him back, but at the same time, you shouldn't try to build relationships over the phone or over messenger or over the internet. You should be like, hey, I would love to meet up with you again and if he tries to keep talking to you just over messenger or whatever, you should say, hey, I don't have a lot of time but we should, I'd love to meet up with you again if you want to set up another date with me, I would be absolutely ecstatic about that. That would be wonderful. And if he's interested, he will do that. And if he's not interested or he's only lukewarm interested, he won't do that. And so it really depends on what happened on that date and how he feels about you and what's going on with you. So it's a beautiful day says the bad girl and the good girl is one whole girl. You don't have to be one or the other. You can be multifaceted in one. Yeah, that's absolutely correct. And that's one of the things like I hear a lot of women they're like, just be yourself, right? And this person is that way and this person is that way, right? And they kind of niche people into like these small categories where they're like, yeah, you're this one type of person and if she's insecure, maybe she's an insecure woman. Well, we all have an insecure side of us. We all have a confident side of us. We all have these different sides of us. And so saying that anybody is just this one thing is just absolutely ridiculous. And that's one of the challenges that a lot of people have who talk about like just being yourself and there's kind of two different ways to just be yourself. And I'll talk more about that in another video because I think it's a really important topic. There's one way to talk about just being yourself where you're not molding yourself into a pretzel to be with a guy and that's a very good way of looking at it. And there's a bad way of saying just be yourself which is, I'm just this one fixed entity and that's it and a guy should love me for me being a butt head and if he doesn't screw him, right? And that's a really toxic way of thinking about the idea of just being yourself. Okay, so Dorothy says, I had a guy wanting to date me but he would only meet me at the park. He kept saying I might be the one but he also was wanting in my house really bad wanting sex. I wouldn't do it, yeah. Well, that sounds like a horrible scary manipulative guy that you don't want anything to do with. Joe Max says, long distance relationships, please, yes. Yes, ma'am, I will be doing that one for you pretty soon. So don't you worry your pretty little face. I'll be all over them long distance relationships teaching all about it, not too long from now. So just listen up and watch out. So Dorothy says, he never even took me on a date. He told me I have been alone too long finding out he was still married, yeah. Bad situation, stay away from the married ones. Virginia says, would you stay clear from a newly separated or divorced man? Yeah, I mean, it's a challenge because it takes a long time especially if he's been married for several years or longer. It takes a while for somebody to like really heal from the relationship and kind of cut off that emotional needs and ties that he had to that relationship. And so I would be very weary of that situation. You don't need to stay clear of it completely but you might want to kind of look for red flags of him still being attached to his ex. Anytime he might have really emotionally charged conversations about that person or what's going on or what happened in that situation that he left, if he has those kinds of things that means he's still emotionally attached to his ex which is a huge red flag because there's a good chance that he might end up going back to his ex and so you just want to be really aware and just conscious of what's going on in that situation with him. Amber says, my boyfriend always changes our plans even last minute for one friend of his. Makes me feel like a pushover when I just go with the flow but what do I say without seeming controlling? Well, it depends. Like what is it that you have a problem with, right? Like is it that he's changing the plans? Is it that he's not talking to you about changing his plans? Is it about not being one-on-one with him with something and you wanted to do just something with him and you thought it was a date night but now he's including his friend? So it really depends on what the scenario is and what the problem is for you and then figuring out how you're going to communicate that to him so that he knows what's going on with you and having a real clear conversation with him about how that makes you feel. That's what you need to do there. So Amal says, why do you think that people need just one safety relationship? Why can't we make multi-relationship for ourselves so we can't get hurt? I'm not sure what you're saying here. Are you saying that you think that people should be polyamorous? You think they should date multiple people at a time and be in open relationships where everybody's open to seeing each other? I don't know why you would call it a safety relationship. Some people just like dating one person. Some people just like being in a relationship with one person. Some people like being in a relationship with multiple people and you need to figure out what works for you and then find somebody who's in alignment with your values. That's what you need to do. It's not, it just depends on what you want and what they want and there's no right and wrong for that but there's things that work and things that don't work. I'm a big fan of monogamous relationships. I prefer one person to one person. I think there's a lot of things that are healthy about that. I think there's a lot of things that are good for society about that. So it's really up to you what you believe and think. Lisa lot says, I wrote a guy that I need a serious talk with him and answer promised the day before. He writes back four minutes later while we both are at work that he will call in one hour. Does he care then? That is a strange question and I'm not sure what you're trying to say. Are you within that one hour? Did you guys have the call? Did you have a conversation? It's kind of a weird question that you're asking there. I don't want to discourage you from asking any questions because I don't think that there's necessarily a dumb question out there but I will say that's a little bit of a strange question. So Jenna Marie says, I wrote the goodbye email in your program and he replied saying, I'm in his heart and said, we will go for lunch after New Year's. We'll be after the 21 days with no contact. I hope this works. He's definitely been looking at all my Facebook stories almost immediately after I post. I'm starting to think he is missing me. There's good chance why we do the no contact there. Victoria says, it's a real person. We've met and fell in love. How about scarcity? Yep, cool. Yeah, create scarcity. It's what you should do. Go and get my forever woman program at the foreverwomanformula.com and use scarcity like I talk about in the program. Karen says, I'm learning a lot from you. I've been in a friends with benefits relationship for four and a half years and I understand where I am made mistakes but I also see now that it may not be everything I thought it was, yep. Cece says, thank you so much. You are welcome. Nikki says, Pop, I was married 15 years and just recently found out he was having an affair online for five years while I was traveling the country in search of a cure for our terminal kids. Wow, that sounds horrible. Some men are not fixable. They are just selfish no matter the age. Well, you shouldn't be trying to fix any men ever, right? Men can fix themselves but you're not gonna be fixing men so just don't do that. DJ says, I agree online is difficult and lots of scammers hookup artists, yep, it's true. Sharon says, I've been seeing someone for six months and has recently ghosted me for three weeks now. I reached out with a text a week ago and nothing. I'm not going to overreact so I just decided to mirror. Yeah, what you should be doing is getting my program, the forever woman formula, and going through that program and doing exactly what I talk about in that program. That way, what that program's designed to do is number one, it's designed to help you get into the best situation you possibly can. So it's kind of like a safety net, right? It teaches you how to be in the best situation so you don't end up getting your heart broken. It's also sets you up for success so that men start chasing you and following you and investing in you and trying to commit to you and usually there's a huge difference between women who aren't using the program and women that are using the program and you can usually tell which ones are which because of the way that they talk, right? And the ones that aren't using the program usually say things like, there's this one dude and I'm just gonna do all these things with him and try to manipulate him and usually the women that have used the program are like, yeah, I've got a whole bunch of guys and they're all like, which one should I be dating? And I got this one guy who wants to marry me but I'm not really sure about him. Should I go with him if I'm not really sure about? It's a different conversation that women are having and I can usually tell very, very quickly which women are using the Forever Women program because they're women that have different problems. They have better problems. And so my suggestion, Sharon, is that you go and start using that program because it can totally change your entire life and definitely your relationships. Sue says, thanks, Matt. That's how I feel about the websites too. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas to you, Sue. Merry Christmas to you, Sue. Tanjal Ford says, you said to tell them what's going on with you. I am asking for more details as to information to be shared. Oh, I'm talking about communicating like, so are you saying to tell them where your needs are not being met? I think what you're asking about is when you're giving them space and communicating with them what's going on with you which basically what that means is that when I talk about giving space and creating scarcity, what I'm talking about is creating a life. So you're creating a life that has abundance and that you're passionate about and that you love and so you need to communicate with him what's going on in your life and how you're getting involved in these different things because if you just disappear all of a sudden he's gonna be like, what's going on here? And absolutely you shouldn't be communicating where your needs are not being met but communicating what things that you'd like that make you feel loved and that make you feel attracted to him and make you feel all these kinds of things because when you communicate it from that standpoint a guy's more likely to want to step up and fulfill those things than he is if you're like, you're not making my needs and you're like nagging him and attacking him for things that he's not doing. So Clicks Madre says, do any of you do one-on-one coaching? Yeah, I do one-on-one coaching. Helena does one-on-one coaching. Valerie does one-on-one coaching. My coaching is really expensive though and so my suggestion is that you go to theforeverwomanformula.com and get my program first because if you come to do coaching with me and you haven't gone through my program yet and this happens all the time is, you know, I'll talk to a woman and she's, and I'm like, hey, have you, you know, and she'll start asking me questions and I'm like, have you gone through my program yet? You know, and if she hasn't, some of the time I'll end up spending a bunch of time explaining things from the program through her because she hasn't gone through it yet and my coaching is really expensive. So my suggestion is that you go and go through the program first before you get coaching with me because that way I'm not spending that time teaching you what's in the program. So go get theforeverwoman first, theforeverwomanformula.com and then if you wanna get coaching from me you can go to my website at commitmentconnection.com and check out the coaching tab and you can get coaching with me there if you want to. Joy says, I have dated a guy I really like a few times this year. Last month I canceled a date with him twice. He got really upset and hurt and wouldn't ask me out again. Yep, it's not surprising to me at all. I finally got him to go out on a date a few weeks ago. We had a great time. Now he has kind of gotten quiet. He will respond to my calls and texts but he is not initiating calls or texts. What's going on? Well, something else has become his priority and you are no longer his priority. That is what ended up happening. And so, I don't know what ended up happening on the date or how he felt about it or how he feels about you. All I know is that something else is going on that's pulling him away from having conversations with you and it's either because one, he's not interested or two, there's something that's more important that's sucking up his time or it could also be three that he feels like you're playing games with him or something like that. And so, he decided that he doesn't really want to be a part of that because of that. So, it's probably one of three different things and it's hard for me to tell because there's not a lot of details about how he feels or how he reacts or what he said. So, Adrian says, my year-long boyfriend sucks at texting and replying and he admits it. When we are away from each other, he reaches out but when I respond to him, he doesn't always text back from that. How do I not overthink? How you don't overthink is by refocusing your thoughts on something else so that you're not sitting around obsessing over what's going on with him. That's what you do. Nicky says, how can someone private message you? Well, you can private message me but if you're gonna be asking me about your situation, I'm not gonna be answering it. If you want me to coach you, you can get a coaching call with me from my coaching tab on my website or if you want, you can have one of my coaches help you out if you join our program. If you join the foreverwomanformula.com, there's a coaching forum that's a part of that. If you decide that you want to be a part of our community, then you can have conversations with our coach who is a great coach, her name's Melissa. She'll help you out and she's great and she knows what she's doing and if you have questions about your situation and you wanna coach to help you out and you just want it to be over messenger, that's the best way to do it. She doesn't do it over messenger but she does do it over a private coaching forum. So if I were you, I would go check that out. So Ashton says, is it leaning forward to send happy holidays? What's that? He broke up with me, too much work. Yes, don't do it, don't do it. I said I understand not mad at him but something the conversation, no contact since a month. Yeah, I mean sending a happy holidays on WhatsApp, it's like, why are you doing that? You're doing it for a reason and my suggestion is that you forget the happy holidays and instead what you do is you follow the system if you are following my system about getting your ex back. So if you are following the system, my suggestion is that you continue to follow the system. If you're not following the system, you can either go and get the restart your relationship program or not, that's the suggestion. That is the suggestion. So yeah, I mean, I get a lot of women that come to me and they're in kind of all these difficult situations where they're not sure what to do with men and we're in this age of the hookup culture. And you want to attract a man who loves you and who sees you and who cherishes you into a committed lasting relationship but men keep pulling away, disappearing or they just want hookups because they're in the hookup culture right now and there's lots of different challenges and problems. You end up getting attached to a guy and you don't really know what he wants or he doesn't want what you want or any of those kinds of things. And so if you're having a hard time with dating and men, it's really not your fault. Don't beat yourself up about it. We live in a culture that encourages superficial relationship and discourages anything meaningful. And I believe that there's a better way for men and women to get into and stay in committed relationship that lasts, right? And that's why I put together a proven path that will help you get into the relationship that you've always wanted to have and it's called The Forever Woman and you can get it at theforeverwomanformula.com. I understand what it's like to feel like keeping someone in my life is almost impossible. If you've heard anything about my story, you know my challenges that I've had and I know what it's like to try a whole bunch of different things and none of them seem like they're working. I've been there, I've done that, I've worked with lots and lots of women who have been there and done that and I've helped lots of women switch from feeling like they're hopeless and they're stuck to attracting great men into committed relationships where they're absolutely loved and they're cherished and they feel like they're amazing important women to these men and many of them have ended up getting married as a result of it and so there's kind of three parts to this plan that you need to make sure that you're putting yourself in. One is believing in your own value. Two is positioning yourself in value and three is communicating your value and so if you're interested in doing those things, make sure that you click the link above or below this or go to the foreverwomanformula.com and just watch the video on that page and then sign up for my free course, The Forever Woman Program. And if you get the Forever Woman Program and you use the principles that are in it, you will attract a man who loves and cherishes you. He'll pursue you for a committed, lasting relationship. You'll do less work. You'll feel like you're doing less and you'll feel appreciated and valued a whole lot more by your men and if you don't, you know, if you continue to do the same things that you've always done, you'll continue to get the same results that you've always gotten. You'll stay stuck in your problems and challenges with men. You'll feel like you're doing everything in a relationship only to be taken for granted, have guys pull away and eventually disappear on you and you'll wonder if you're ever gonna get into the relationship that you've always wanted to have. And my, and what I have to say is that you can. You can get into a great relationship. I believe that you can get into a great relationship. You just need to make sure that you're putting yourself in a great position. You believe in your value and that you're communicating your value. And so if you want, go check out the foreverwomanformula.com. Thank you so much for being here today. You are the best part of our community. We have the best women in the world as part of our community. Thank you so much for trusting in me to be a part of your journey in helping you create the love life that you've always wanted to have. Thank you so much. I appreciate you being here and I will speak with you again soon. So thank you so much.