 وأقولوا في القرآن ما جاءت به آياته فهو الكاريم المنزال وأقولوا قال الله جل جلاله والمصطف الهدي ولا أتأولوا الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على عبد الله ورسوله نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته نبدأ نحن بقارب الله عز وجل وخلال مصطفة والبسيحة والسلوتات والساعدة الله لتشكيل المسجد المسجد محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم إلى عائله والهاتف نحن نتحدث عن المسلم نعم قارب هذا الشيء، برضيه المدرسة العمرية هو بقارب جلال كل فيضح المسلم الشيء فهو الله وطعاله وما قلنا after we did a general introduction to the Muslim family and some of the ayat which have been revealed in the Quran and some of the hadith at the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said about the Muslim family and we went on to talk about marriage و نحن نأخذ الوحيد الذي نتحدث عن المشاركات العادية now at this point I think it's really beneficial that we bring back in the Hadith of Umzar and if you remember I had quoted to you the Hadith of Umzar a part of it just the part that relates to Umzar and Abu-Zar and their family I had quoted it to you in a previous lesson and I quoted it to you from the point of just showing kind of like an example of a Muslim family where everything's going right the wife is happy with her husband the husband is happy with the wife and the children and the parents and the you know even the servant girl in the house everything is wonderful so we gave that as an example but I want to come back to the Hadith now I'm not going to give an explanation of everything in the Hadith to the sense in the sense of how I might have done in previous videos or in other lectures where I might have gone through the Hadith from you know beginning to end word by word but what I'm going to do in شاء الله is we're going to go through the whole Hadith and we're going to look at it from the angle of the ideal husband I we're going to look at what those women had to say about their husbands and what we can learn about that in terms of how a husband should be or shouldn't be because it's an absolute goldmine it's an amazing resource of 11 women who don't conceal anything about their husbands tell everything there is to tell and you see a lot of the positives and negatives about the husband and these are positives and negatives that were affirmed by Islam I that Islam agreed that they are you know things which are either positive or negative depending on what it is so it is something where we can learn a lot about what a husband should be like and what a husband shouldn't be like so this Hadith is the Hadith of Aisha رضي الله عنها أنها قالت جلسة احدة عشرة امرأة وتعاعدنا وتعاقدنا أن لا يكتمنا من أخبار أزواجه النشيئة أعشان ريتد that 11 women sat together أي they sat they came together in a majlis and a gathering and they agreed and they promised each other that they would not conceal anything from there or anything about their husbands positive or negative now generally speaking we talk about just so that we understand the ruling here it's not generally permissible for a woman to inform what her husband is like in this kind of situation because that would be غيبة it would be backbiting unless she's going to a qadi to complain or a counselor or something like that it wouldn't be permissible but here it's not if you imagine Aisha is telling the Prophet about 11 women a story which happened the Prophet doesn't know those 11 women or their husbands and she's telling something that happened so that's not a matter of it's not that Aisha is doing anything wrong and of course the Prophet wouldn't have let her continue if she was doing anything wrong but just to clarify that if it was a real life situation that happened today it wouldn't be allowed for a woman to tell the secrets of how her husband is unless she has one of the reasons which makes that permissible like she's speaking in front of a qadi or she had to go to ask a fatwa or something like that but here when it says that they won't conceal anything from what their husbands did that means positive or negative so they're going to mention the positives and they're going to mention the negatives even though the negatives are quite a lot in this حديث but we can take from those as well because we can reverse them around and say well if that's a negative what would what do we take from that what is the positive from it قالت الأولى the first one she said my husband is like the meat of a tough lean camel on a high mountain he's not easy so that you can reach him and he's not meaty so that you can bring it down or it's not meaty any the meat of the camel it's not samin it's not fatty so that it's worth bringing down so what does she mean and what can we benefit from this in the description of the ideal husband first of all she's criticising her husband this is them she's criticising him she's complaining about him she's got nothing good to say about him she said he is لحم جمل he's the meat of a camel so she didn't mention the meat of a lamb which might be soft and easy to eat it's the meat of a camel it's tough it's chewy so he's rough and tough he's a tough guy he's got a tough personality you have to be patient with him and he's not just the meat of a camel he's a meat of a camel which is غث it's lean there's not even any meat on it it's like you have no it's like a thin camel that doesn't have any proper meat on it so what little good is there is tough what little good is there it's tough it's not nice it's not what people would wish for so this indicates first of all that his أخلاق he's got poor أخلاق poor manners and that he's tough to get hold of tough to reach tough to interact with tough to live with and then even when she makes the effort she said it's not easy to get to him so he's not accessible he's not accessible and that doesn't mean necessary he's not in the house that could be one thing because there's two ways that a man might not be accessible in one that he's never home and the other one is not that he's never home but it's just you can't get you can't get to reach him on an emotional level you go to speak to him you can't get to him on an emotional level you just can't reach him he's tough to get to tough to get through to we might say in English can't get through to him وَلَا سَمِينٌ فَيَنْتَقَرِ and he's not got enough سَمِينٌ and here she's comparing him to the meat of the camel it's not fat enough that it's worth bringing it down meaning when I make all of that effort to get to him and I make all of that effort to reach him on that top of that high mountain like he's sitting on top of his throne and he's really rough really tough person to deal with that even when I get all I make that huge effort for him and I make such a big effort for him that big effort is wasted because there's no benefit to be had anyway it's like climbing on top of a tall mountain you might say look I would climb a tall mountain if the meat at the top of the mountain was really good quality so I could say I really made a big effort and I got all the way to the top of the mountain and I got this really good quality meat but I got all the way to the top of the mountain and the meat was tough and lean there was barely any meat on it and what meat was on it was was tough to eat so she's comparing her husband like that she makes a big effort for him and that's one of the things that is from the Sunnah of the Prophet as it relates to the wife we're going to come to that later on she makes a big effort for her husband but the effort that she makes for her husband first of all it requires a huge amount of effort from her to get any response from him it's like climbing a tall mountain and when she makes that effort it's not worth it because there's not anything good to be had at the end of it reverse that and look at the ideal husband first of all he should be he should be easy going he shouldn't be tough and he should be easy going and he should be soft so being soft and being easy going and he should be accessible now travelling is something that sometimes people have to do and typically many times a man has to travel perhaps for work perhaps for other things that he has to do and obligations that Allah has placed upon him and that's absolutely fine but he should be accessible meaning when he's home he's available he's reachable his wife can get through to him on an emotional level a physical level and so on and when she makes that effort for him he makes it worth her while so she climbs that tall mountain whether she made a big effort in how she looks so she made a big effort in how she behaves she really tried to correct some of maybe her faults and she's working really hard trying really hard he should make it worth her while because why would she ever correct herself if he doesn't correct himself and that's why it's narrated from some of the companions of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم about the man who makes an effort in his appearance saw that because he requires or he expects the same from his wife and we're going to come to that later on so a man makes an effort in his appearance because he wants his wife to do the same so how would he expect her to correct her manners and her behavior and make such a big effort with him when she makes that effort and gets nothing back so she's climbed a tall mountain but she only found tough lean little meat nothing worthwhile for her to make such a big effort so what's going to happen she's going to stop making the effort completely so he should be easygoing he should be soft he should be accessible and he should make it worth her while that when she does something and makes a big effort for him he shows appreciation so he should be appreciative if we move on to the next part of the حديث قالة الثانية زوجي لا أبثوا خبر إن أخافوا أن لا أذر إن أذكره أذكر عجره وبجره the second one she said my husband I am not going to go into detail to tell you everything about him why is it because she's scared of Allah is it because she's scared that she might say something wrong she said if I start I will not be able to stop إن أخافوا أن لا أذر I think if I start telling you about him I will not be able to stop the whole gathering will be taken up by his faults if I mention him I will mention his public and private failings what can we take from this first of all she mentions her husband completely negatively she said if I sit here telling you about him I'm not going to stop none of you or other people will have a turn all of you are going to have to wait while I finish a long long long discussion about all of his faults but here what I wanted to focus on is the إجر and the بجر so that is the open faults and the hidden faults so here and maybe that's not I'm kind of reaching when I use this for the حديث but I'm just using it as like a place holder to mention this to you إن شاء الله that how people are in public and private so you get some people who in public are actually really good but privately if you were to speak to their wife or their family and they were to be honest they would probably say the same thing إن أخاف ألا أذر I think if I start talking I will not stop and that's a terrible you know characteristic for a husband to have to be really good in public and to be really bad in private and even worse than that is what she mentioned about her husband that he's got all the faults in public and all the faults in private and that's even worse but just here I just wanted to use it as kind of like a place holder because we're talking about the سفات the characteristics of the ideal husband just to mention that that you don't want to be a person who is really bad at home but you know you have this which is really good the husband should be someone who is even better at home than he is outside even better at home than he is when he's in front of an audience you know like where he sort of might present that he's really good but he should be better even better than that in himself at home and that's what we should be striving for as men in our in our marriages when we're alone and no one sees us except Allah we're even better than what we are with our families and that I don't I don't say to you that that's something that I've I don't even claim a tenth of that for myself but I really think it's a beautiful thing to aim for it's a beautiful goal to have that you would like it as a man to be better with your family than you are in public and to be better alone when no one sees you except Allah than you are with your family and that would be a sign of a person's إخلاص and a sign of the fact that a person's not a person إذا خلأ بما حار من الله or إذا خلأ بما حار من الله انتهكوها a people like the prophets as I mentioned a people a group of people when they are alone with what Allah made Haram they fall into it meaning nobody sees them except Allah they don't feel shy to fall into any kind of Haram so that's not how the person should be قالة الثالثة the third one she said زوجي الأشنق انتق اطلق وانأسكت وعلق she said my husband is الأشنق الأشنق is the one who is tall but that that his height doesn't benefit him anything like it could be lanky but it could also be in his stature you know like he walks around like a big tall man you know he's got maybe pride but generally even she's mentioning his height he's really really tall and lanky but she doesn't mention anything good about it أشنق is not a nice way of saying oh he's really tall you know like he's tall and handsome or something like that it's not really nice it's like oh he's tall in a negative way like you would say oh lanky you know excessively tall just in his stature in the way that he behaves you know like he behaves like that like he walks around like he's 10 feet tall but the key point I want to focus on here is the statement in أنق أطلق if I say anything he'll divorce me and if I'm silent or علق he will leave me hanging and that is the case of many men so we want to and get the characteristic of the ideal husband is he's not quick to divorce his wife and he's not quick with the طلق some people have got the طلق on rapid fire everything that goes wrong in their marriage طلق طلق he said طلق so many times it's not even a matter of three times anymore like it's just the word comes out of his mouth oh I was angry I didn't expect it I wasn't thinking some of the مشايخ said it doesn't count and you ask him how many times have you been through that angry طلق and he says more than I can count it's really sad that somebody should be like that that they have rapid fire with the طلق طلق طلق طلق everything she can't speak without him saying طلق or without him getting angry you know like this we talked about how he should be gentle and how he should be we mentioned that he shouldn't be quick to get angry he should be إنه فيك قصلتين يحبهم الله الحن والأنا having gentleness and not getting angry quickly and taking things slowly so he is the opposite her husband she said if I say anything he's going to divorce me so any complaint so the wife comes she says look I'm struggling I'm not so happy طلق straight away divorce so that's obviously a negative characteristic the positive characteristic is he's not quick to say that word he doesn't throw the divorce around and he doesn't throw the threats of the divorce around so he's not one who says if you say this I'll divorce you say this I'll divorce you he's not got the threat of divorce all the time and she says when I'm silent because you might give her advice and say well if your husband's like that just don't say anything then and if I'm silent he leaves me hanging كل معلقة he leaves her like something suspended and it's exactly like the English phrase he left me hanging he just left me suspended not like she's not a wife nor is she divorced so it's not like if she's silent he treats her well or he treats her like a good wife it's if she's silent he doesn't treat her like a wife nor does he let her marry someone else and that is from the worst characteristics you can get in a husband that he leaves his wife كل معلقة as though she is hanging you know she's between the ceiling and the floor she's not standing on she's not like she's not in one place and she's not in the other place she's just hanging there like stuck he doesn't treat her like a wife nor does he divorce her so in this it would be more merciful if he's so unhappy with her for him to divorce her let her marry someone else let her have a happy life why should she be left and she's not a wife nor is she a divorcee she's just left in suspense كل معلقة in suspense like that she's not one she's not the other that's if she's silent if she speaks then he throws the divorce either the threat of the divorce or he gives he gives the divorce قالت الرابع the fourth one said زوجي كليل تهامة لا حرن ولا قر ولا مخافة ولا سأامة she said my husband is like the night of تهامة تهامة is what you call the area between the sea and the mountains and it's particularly usually refers to the area of south of حجاز towards Yemen the web between the red sea and the mountains the coast of the red sea and the mountains and she says my husband is like the nights of تهامة and he's very معتدي he's just he's balanced now sometimes you could take that as a complaint there are people who mentioned that could be a complaint she's just saying like you know there's no there's no passion there's no bad treatment it's just you know like that it's just like that it's just kind of neutral but that's not I mean in general the explanation of the حديث and the شراح who covered the حديث they said this is praise she's not criticizing him she's praising him and she's saying that he is معتدي he's balanced he's balanced لا حرن ولا قر he's not hot or cold so he doesn't get you know he's not really angry with her and you know shouting and screaming and temper and he's not cold with her because some husbands when they are when they are let's say not angry or not emotional or not passionate they're cold just keep away you know like yeah he doesn't get angry with me but he doesn't talk to me either he doesn't get angry with me he doesn't talk to me either but here is لا حر ولا قر he's not hot and he's not cold meaning he's not overly sort of angry aggressive you know whatever that might be and he's not distant and cold he's balanced and he's fair and he's just and we've already talked about fairness we talked about the statement of Allah فأنخفتم أن لا تعديلوا فواحدة أوما ملكة أيمانكم and we spoke about that I and Sortem Nisa we talked about how you can take from that that the person is a person who fears Allah with regard to justice being just between his family so here being just and being balanced you know he's not too hot not too cold just in the middle she said ولا مخافة I'm not scared of him so I've got no I'm not like I've got nothing to be scared of so she can he's approachable he's not aggressive he doesn't throw the طلاق around ولا سأم as some of the scholars said is الملل he's not he doesn't bore me and that would be a response if people said that it was a negative and said that she's just saying well he's kind of just you know in the middle it's not very exciting he's not too bad he's just you know right in the middle but actually here لا سامة would indicate that she may I'm not I'm not bored I've got no complaints with him and I'm not scared I've got no fear and I've got no complaints قالة الخامسة زوجي اندخل فاهد وانخرجة أسد ولا يسأل عما عحد again some of the scholars took this to be positive and some of them took it to be negative so let's look at it in the light of it being if it were to be if it were to be positive if it were to be positive so she said my husband when he comes in the house فاهد he behaves like a leopard he behaves like a leopard and when he goes out he's like a lion and he doesn't ask about the agreements or what has been agreed he doesn't ask about what has been agreed so if we take it positive when he comes in فاهد when he comes in فاهد so this is that he's playful with his wife he's friendly with her he's got good manners with her and he gives her you know he's kind of like I would say one of the things we could take is playful friendly kind that's if you look at it in a positive way he's playful he's friendly he's kind and if you look at the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and how much time he used to give to his family and how he used to care for عائشة رضي الله عنها and his wife and his other wives and their needs and for example we have the the hadith regarding the Abyssinians who were throwing the spears in the masjid and how the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم took عائشة out and he gave her time so you know the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم used to be friendly with his family we talk about how the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم raised عائشة twice and one time she won and then after that he won and he said that this is for that and so on this is all that kind of playful and kind and great behavior with the family وان خارجة and when it goes out he's brave and that actually shows you that if you're going to take this positively one of the beautiful things is to compare the lion to the leopard so the leopard here is the one that is playful and soft and kind and the the asset the lion is the one who's brave and you know is fearful and brave and casts fear into into his enemies how the man should have both of those qualities but where should he have them where should he have those qualities he shouldn't be the asset in the house he shouldn't be the lion in the house where he's roaring at his family you know he's scary to his family they're scared of him that he's you know he behaves like the lion that's not praise worthy the praise worthy thing is that when he goes out of the house you know in terms of his his life outside of the home he's very brave he has an excellent reputation he has a a habit he has a presence in front of people but when it comes to his family he is really relaxed and playful and really gentle and kind so that's a really nice if you like comparison between the two between إذا دخل فهد وإذا خرجة أسد تعسف we take it in the positive ولا يسأل عما عحد and he doesn't ask about what has been agreed meaning he doesn't give his wife a hard time over what he's agreed with her he doesn't give her a hard time like say to her look I told you to do this and I told you to do this so he is مسامح he's easy going he is سامح easy going and relaxed about things he doesn't give his wife a hard time I told you to do this I told you to do that so if we look at it from a positive point of view those are the points we can take he's playful kind friendly with his family when he goes out he's brave honourable noble with a great you know with a great his reputation and the way he behaves in front of the people and the people give him that position and when it comes to asking his family to do things he doesn't burden them too much if we take it in a negative we can also take it in a negative إن دخل فاهد وإن خارجة أسد ولا يسأل عما عحد if we take it in a negative then some of the scholars mean said that the leopard is the one that sleeps at home all the time so he goes home just goes to sleep and some of them said that other things but we'll take here that you know it's a negative for example the man that sleeps in the home all the time or the man who makes demands from his family but he doesn't care for their needs he doesn't care for their needs and ولا يسأل عما عحد and he doesn't ask about what has been promised or agreed could mean that he doesn't care about the house he doesn't care about the house doesn't care what's going on in the house I don't care what's going on in the house I don't care if you've got food in the cupboard I don't care if you've got money to buy things or not I don't care if you're happy or not I don't care if the kids are misbehaving or not he doesn't care about what's going on in his house so if we take it positive we took the positive points if we take a negative then perhaps we can say that the negatives would be coming home and just being asleep all the timearen or coming home and just making demands of his family , but not actually taking care of their needs and likewise that he doesn't care about what's happening in the house.The house is your problem,don't talk to me about what's going on in the house , he doesn't care about it.So that's again a negative and we would want the ideal husband to be the opposite of that.He cares about what is in the house ,he cares about his family's needs , his friends , his playful with them and he comes home! And of course he's going يجب أن يأتي بحياتي ويأتي ولكنه يأتي بحياتي وليس أحد who is disconnected from the house أو disconnected from the family. سنقوم بإمكانك أن نتحدث عن الحديث في الثلاثة في الحالة العالية لأنها أسرح الحديث ونحن نتحدث عن the characteristics of the ideal husband. هذا هو ما الله قد يجب أن نتحدث عن الله والصلاة والصلاة والسلام على بين محمد وعلى آلية والصحبي أجمعي. السلام عليكم. إذا كنتم تحبين هذه الفيديوه وكنتم يجب أن يتبع اليوم مع كل هذه الفيديوه ونحن نتحدث عنه فأنتم يأتي بحياتي إلى www.amauathome.com