 And now for something completely different. I know everyone comes here for video game stuff But I wanted to make a video of a more personal nature for just a second about mental health and about my dog Clyde No, Clyde isn't depressed or anxious. He's fine But those are two elements that tie into how he became my dog Long time viewers of this channel have seen Clyde at least a couple times or his little brother Ulysses And it seems like everyone is happy to see them when they show up rather than wait for a sad occasion To tell Clyde's story. I'd rather do it now and who knows maybe this will help some of you out there that were in the same place I was So I am 37 years old and I've dealt with anxiety and subsequent depression for as long as I can remember going as far back as my earliest childhood memories some folks out there watching this may not have a frame of reference for either of those two things and They're tough definitions to pin down because everyone has their own unique experience with each for instance for me Anxiety manifests in a physical sense. I just have a low threshold for external stimuli I can only take so much noise crowds people chaos even light sometimes That I either shut down and withdraw for a couple days or I reach critical mass Which results in what is referred to as a panic attack dealing with this is constant never-ending work It's like perpetual brain maintenance The Netflix show Bojack Horseman has a great quote about dealing with mental issues like this with a character saying it gets easier Every day it gets a little easier, but you got to do it every day. That's the hard part, but it does get easier That's all true But the thing is the work and the brain maintenance gets old it really gets old and sometimes you need a break And that's where stuff like alcohol comes in and it's where depression arrives Now just on a side note here if you ever want proof that I never thought this channel would blow up Just take a look at my name SNES drunk It was just a name that I flippantly put maybe 30 seconds of thought into and now I'm kind of stuck with it I really don't drink that much And I was mostly making fun of the fact that just the acronym SNES when it said like a word It sounds like you're slurring something like you're drunk. I just thought it was a funny gag. That's all Well throughout my 20s alcohol was a bit more than a funny gag It was an escape an escape from all that work and brain maintenance Wow an easy way to shut off my mind and get the hell away from everything and pretend like I'm not a complete mess Sign me up for some of that So I did a lot of binge drinking which led to a lack of sleep which led to other health problems Which led me further down a rabbit hole. I didn't know how to find my way out of That is until one day my girlfriend suggested. Hey, maybe you should get a dog or something and I thought yeah That might help pull me out of this malaise at least in a superficial sense. He'll be like my little buddy I'll just toss him a treat every once in a while and he'll be fine So we went to the animal humane society in Golden Valley, Minnesota And unfortunately we didn't come across a good fit for me until we were on our way out My girlfriend noticed what was described as a corgi mix and I'd skipped past its kennel since I didn't see a dog in there But it turns out he was in there All right curled up in a ball in the furthest possible place away from the main hallway He did not want anything to do with the rest of the shelter We took him outside to get to know him and he burrowed his head into my lap And well that was that at that moment. I knew I had a dog But it wasn't until I got home that it really started to sink in I named him Clytee dog I get the T of course standing for the and he was trotting around the house checking things out picking out potential Napping spots and I was just sitting on my couch realizing what I just done this goofy little guy was now my Responsibility me. I'm the one responsible for something. I can't even take care of myself. What the hell was I thinking? I can't do this. I'm just some naive sheltered doofus. Nothing is supposed to need me and At that moment. I just lost it I sat there and cried like a baby for like 15 minutes and Clyde just sat there and stared at me Just a total blank stare like he was saying. Yeah, could you maybe Get over yourself and I guess that's what it eventually boiled down to learning to get over myself How I felt wasn't the be all and all of the universe life is gonna go on and the world is gonna keep turning regardless of how I feel and that life now includes this dog who I'm now responsible for and he does not care How I feel how depression is hitting me that day How anxious I am or anything like that because he needs me to take care of him That was seven years ago And I can look back on it as the day that my life changed for the better from then on my life Wasn't just twisting in the wind. I had structure I had to put my own personal nonsense aside because now I was part of something bigger than myself Okay, it's still just a dog. So it's not that much bigger Especially in the case of a little guy like Clyde, but it was definitely what I needed We walk twice a day for an hour rain or shine every single day including the day you're watching this and hey What do you know having structure and being outside every day turned out to be extremely beneficial? Now I don't want to give the wrong idea here. Obviously. I'm not saying hey adopt a dog and you'll cure your depression You won't be anxious anymore. You'll be a superhero All my anxiety and depression nonsense is all still there and it's still the same amount of work But Clyde dog makes that work a little easier and a little more worth it Looking back taking care of something gave me the confidence to do stuff I never thought I was capable of doing like moving 1200 miles across the country from Minneapolis to Albuquerque or Adopting another dog who he named Ulysses or creating this channel that you're watching right now Which has somehow inexplicably ballooned to over a hundred thousand subscribers And I can definitively say none of those things would have been possible if it weren't for Clyde's smug expression on his weird little Buttnose face so here's to Clyde the 26 pound little weirdo that helped save my life And I want to thank you for watching and I hope you have a great rest of your day