 Long story short, I was adopted and I didn't find out to myself more years of college. Damn. Damn. And so the hurt, one from that. So growing up, one, like me and my mother had a relationship, even coming through school growing up. You know a lot of me, I know a lot of you. Black boy, tell me how you really feel. I just want to build with you. In today's community conversation, our Jane Robelo introduces us to Young Brothers Academy, mentors who are out to change the narrative for young African American men. The mission of Young Brothers Academy is to empower young men 8th grade through 12th through the three E's. Those three E's are education, empowerment and exposure. And Justice Cox is the director of this program. What influenced you to begin this? Yes ma'am, as you stated, the goal of YBA is to aid in the mental, physical and spiritual development of the young men we lead. Since 2018, we've worked with over 30 young men and we just had our first graduate and our first group of 8th graders are now 11th graders getting ready to make that step to college as well. Wow. I know you feel like a proud dad in many ways. Not a man here who can sense me. I'm on the pier, Elohim with the energy. Black boy, tell me how you really feel. I just want to build with you. What are you seeing in these boys that are like, if they had a father, if they had a role model or now that they have a role model, is different or would be different? Just so for the women who are thinking along the lines of fathers are optional, just to really give it to them, this is really what it is. So man, I don't think you can really understand that unless you're somebody without a father. You know what I'm saying? I mean, people who had a father, they probably could think about or imagine what would happen if that was removed or perhaps what it's showing up like he's supposed to. Even the image that just came to my head, because you hear it all the time, you probably knew your daddy. You know what I'm saying? It wasn't anything, but you still was out there sitting on the steps waiting for him to come. You know what I'm saying? And it's like, it's a wound, it's a scar, you know what I'm saying? It's a void, it's a missing piece. I do believe fathers are critical, but I also have witnessed, you know, my mother making sure a man was in my life. Did it feel that void? No, you know what I'm saying? Because that hurt was still there, but was it a placeholder that kind of I was able to hop over a little bit? Yes. And I feel like we talk about COVID and the reflection state that a lot of us was in. Bro, I was still crying out for my father as a grown man. You know what I'm saying? And a lot of people I talk to, father in the house or not, they long for that relationship with them. But I'm not, I would never knock a woman for feeling like, you know, that's the best route to go. Like I said, just you got to stand on it and understand what it's your son and daughter's going to have to deal with, you know, as they grow up and as they get older, because they're going to have questions, you know what I'm saying? They're going to see their friends, daddy coming to pick them up from school or something and wonder, you know, where is mine at? Because I was in a very similar situation, long story short, I was adopted. And I didn't find out until my sophomore year of college. Damn. Never. Damn. And so the hurt, one from that. Yeah. So growing up, when, like me and my mother had a relationship, even coming through school growing up, you don't lie to me, I don't lie to you. You're a biological mother. You're adopted. So my adopted mother. Okay. Okay. This is how we rocked. And she basically believed whatever happened because of your actions, that's going to be your consequence. You know what I'm saying? So that's how I was raised. And I ain't, I probably told three lies that I can remember to this day that I told to my mother. Wow. Because that's just how it was. Yeah. And so finding that out, bro, it was, it was devastating, it was a blow, bro. It was crushing. It really was. I remember, she said I didn't talk to her for months when I found out. And now you don't imagine how much stuff you block out when you're really dealing with stuff, but anywho. So I, of course, my biological mother wasn't my biological mother, which was painful. But then that traumatic experience, because it was traumatic. It really gave purpose to my life on the flip side because she started telling me the process of my adoption. And she was like my biological mother picked her out specifically because she wanted her son to be raised by a single mother and a woman of faith. And you start listening, bro. Listen. So you start, you start seeing how your life has developed and what's happened as a single mother, the things I experienced, the things I've seen and a woman of faith, that if it was heavy, I didn't see it. Like if it was heavy on my mother, I didn't know. You know what I'm saying? Because she, her faith was so strong that we didn't mean my sister didn't feel it. And so she said, she long story short, my mother's first husband, my sister's dad was shot and killed. You're my biological mother. No. My adopted mother. And so her first husband was shot and killed and it's my sister's pops. And so she was like, she wanted a son to be there for her, for my sister just in case something happened to her. And so she prayed, you know, guys will be done. And she was like, she wasn't going to have no baby with anybody. And she was like, she so what about to remarry again. And she was like adoption came to her and she said she went through the adoption process and long story short, it failed. And so she said five years later, she got a call from a lady of my case and your son has been born. Like her even telling me this story since she is now my body, but I'm telling you something so traumatic, gave purpose to my life. Because one, you understand, even what I realized in Africa is that we're here because of the prayers of others. And it's like in Christianity, it's like we was taught it was a sin, you know, to worship your ancestors to acknowledge them. But then someone I was older, somebody was like, why would you praise this man? You don't know and not give thanks to the people who are paved the way and pray for you to be here today. And that really became real in that moment because my mother prayed for me at one point and it didn't come around until five years later. You know what I'm saying? And so I understand that I'm here because of the prayers of other people because of the prayers of her. And it just gave a sense of purpose, you know, to my life is that I'm supposed to be here. And it's a reason. While I was in Ghana, I had an opportunity to have dinner with the African chief. And his whole message was, there's no such thing as coincidence. And he was like, when you get out to play with Delta, do you take the plane with you? And he was like, you'll be crazy to think so. And he was like, your parents' only job is to get you here. And he was like, it doesn't matter. You know what I'm saying? How you get here is the fact that you're here. And now that you've been given that responsibility of life, you know, what are you going to do with it? People blame mom or blame daddy for whatever may be happening. But when are you going to take accountability to be like, OK, it's some shit. You know what I'm saying? But what am I going to do with it? You know what I'm saying? And I love the idea of performing. You know, when we talk about manure and how to use manure to produce better crop and it's like how we in life, you know, when shit happens, how we really can use it to either stay in it or use it for something better. You know what I'm saying? And now when I tell my story, I tell that story proudly because of what it did for me. And so I say all that to say that fathers are critical. Yes. But a woman choosing that route isn't the end of the road because I'm sure there's purpose somewhere in it. But I do feel it. It will leave a gap, you know, and that and that void and that hurt. You know what I'm saying? I'm not having it because I definitely felt it. Damn. Talk to me about the current state of our community. You know, and how you're seeing that play out with the young boys. So I give you an example, for instance, right? You're seeing a lot of Gen Z young boys, like they're saying they're not even. They're not even going to talk to black girls no more. And a lot of times, and this is what I've been trying to translate to women, a lot of times those boys are coming from toxic relationships with mothers. Toxic relationships as far as like cousins, sisters, maybe even being molested by aunties and different things like that. So talk to me about how the current state of our communities affecting young black boys. Man, we don't have a hub. Like we was talking about off camera back in the 60s, when we really were starting to come together. You know, the church was our hub and we can talk about how the church and our misuse, their power and things like that. But we don't we don't have a sense of unity and belonging. And when you don't have a sense of unity, you really don't have a community and you don't have people instilling. You know, like YBA is doing a YBA is a hub. You know what I'm saying? We like to call it the way of, you know, I'm saying we go and get something to drink from. But when you don't have those things, now you got kids running around without direction. And when you don't have direction, they're going to go every, every which way, you know, they will and they could have had toxic relationships with their mother. But in that hub, you see other, you know, positive women. Sure. Other black women, other successful women, you know what I'm saying? They're OK, mama may not be. But friends, I got a homeboy, man. Like he for I can't say where he from because it'll give it away. But he from the country. Yeah. And he he day white girl. So your brother, but all the black girls he seen in his his community, his environment in his mind were kind of like ghetto, you know, I'm saying like it was stereotypical. It wasn't even his mother because it wasn't a reflection of black girls that he was around wasn't even a reflection of his mother and his sister, you know what I'm saying? So in his mind, I'm gravitating to what I guess appeases me more. You know what I'm saying? He's a deal with you. Right. And so it wasn't that going back to that sense of community. It wasn't that he wasn't exposed to it because when he when he was exposed to a sister changed his life, you know what I'm saying? It didn't work out. But it he was open his eyes. Open his eyes. That's what I thought it was. Like they say, you know, he was only going off of what he was around. You know what I'm saying? And I am in today, man. Social media raising them. That's it. Social media raising them. And it's like that's that's their community. And so they they they gravitate in every which way because they don't have anybody in their life to direct them. Mama working or mama not trying to deal with it. Daddy it pops there. He not really trying to have real conversations. You know, with his with his son. But I really feel like we lack in a sense of community and true unity where we have these, you know, hubs and we can have these real conversations that they can hear. That's what YBA, man, we keep it we keep it real. You know what I'm saying from from every which way things we talk about because you can't you can't cover up, you know, real. And that's one thing with the church. You know, I'm saying that that's one thing I call out. It's like you preach a message of you preach an image of perfection but doing something completely against, you know, I'm saying what you preach. And like, for instance, in church, every man that told me not to have sex before I was married had sex before they was married. You know, I'm saying it is just like you get mixed messages and kids now they expose so much information. You know, I'm saying it is like you saying one thing but boom, you saying college is the only way. But boom, you saying I got to if I go to college, I'm going to make this. But boom, he a YouTuber, he doing this. You know what I'm saying? It's like it's confusion. And like our men, we asked them, we do this thing called one word. And I asked them, I was like, what is one word to describe, you know, the feelings of today's youth, but the consensus was lost. And this is what the boys are telling you. Yes. Yes. The consensus was lost. We heard things like confused and it's just like they want it. You know what I'm saying? Like we've had a young man talking about he want to be successful. You know what I'm saying? But he don't he don't know which way to go. You know, he want to make money. You know what I'm saying? But he don't really his passion. They ain't been connected to a career field yet. You know what I'm saying? It's things like that that I feel like having a true community or true hub will help change, man. Because we, like I say, but I keep saying the only way we ever made it was together. And so we ain't got no direction, man. These boys don't go off any direction. You know what I'm saying? Because it's no clear, even our women, you know what I'm saying? That's what I really support. Mental organizations for women on flight. That's my lane, but they need that guidance too. And that hug, you know what I'm saying? So that they can identify characteristics and men not saying they don't get the right and perfect, you know what I'm saying? But so they can have that radar. You know, I need to lead this brother alone, you know what I'm saying? Even though, you know, this is real talk. You know what I'm saying? We're about to get it to it. That's what we're talking about, man.