 the jack Benny program presented by America's largest-selling cigarette lucky strike Lucky strike first again with tobacco man Yes Lucky strike is the overwhelming choice of the independent tobacco experts the auctioneers buyers and warehousemen For a recent impartial survey he finds more of these experts smoke lucky strike regularly Then the next two leading brands combined. To you as a smoker, that fact is extremely important. Because these experts look to a cigarette for enjoyment. Real deep down smoking enjoyment. Now aren't you looking for the same thing? Then light up a lucky and puff by puff. You'll see. LSMFT, LSMFT. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. And fine tobacco means real smoking enjoyment for you. That's why you like Lucky Strike. Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and you're thoroughly Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, we'd like to take you out to Jack Benny's home in Beverly Hills. At the moment, Rochester is busy in the kitchen while Jack is in the other room polishing the silver. Phew. Oh boy, what a job. Oh well, there are only four pieces left. Three dimes and a quarter. Gosh, look how they shine. They were green when I took them out of my pocket. I'll never wait that long again. Quiet, Polly. And remember Polly, now Daddy's giving a very important dinner party tonight. Remember what I taught you. How do you do, Mr. Coleman? How do you do, Mr. Coleman? That's right. How do you do, Mrs. Coleman? Hiya, Toots. Polly, I wish you'd pay more attention. Oh boss. Yes, Rochester. What time are Mr. and Mrs. Coleman coming over for dinner? Oh, they'll be here about 7.30. They'll give me time to fix some order. Oh yes. What are we going to have, Rochester? Cheese and crackers, anchovies and sardines. No, no hard-boiled egg? No, Polly didn't come through this week. Oh, she didn't, eh? Rochester, hand me that Halloween mask. Here you are. Polly. Who? Rochester, the egg bro. You sure scared her, boss. It's a double yogurt. Yeah, two yogurt. My son, my son. You're young yet. You'll have more. You fix the orders. I'll go out in the yard and pick some flowers for the table. You sigh the song begins. Just speak, I'll play my violin. It's magic. The stars desert the skies. It happens even in van Nuys. It's magic. See, look at that backyard. Everything's growing so nicely. I wish I were a little luckier, though. Tomatoes go to 60 cents a pound. I'm stuck with an acre of beans. Oh, well, last spring I made money on my pigs. See, what kind of flowers should I get for the table? I think I'll take some of these bluebells. They match my eyes. Now, Ronnie's my guest. I'll pick gardenia. They kind of match his hair. Now, I think I'll take some of these roses, too. That ought to be enough. You sigh the song begins and then I play my violin. It's lousy. La, la, la, la, la, la. Oh, Rochester. Rochester, get me a base for these flowers. Yes, sir. And say, boss, why don't you out-pollinate another egg? Another egg? Yeah, she said it was a repeat for the West Coast. Release it this morning being your time. Stop being so silly and start setting the table. Okay. Oh, boss. What? Are we gonna use napkins or shall I put on a long tablecloth? We'll use napkins tonight. What about those on the buffet? The man brought those this afternoon. Wait a minute. These are funny-looking napkins. That's what I thought. So I asked the man to leave his phone number. Here it is. Good. I'll call him up. Hmm. Never seen napkins like these before. Hello, NAPS diaper service. See, this is Jack, then. Did you leave some napkins for me? Sorry, wrong number. Well, Rochester, do the best you can with them, would you? Come in. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. I came over since I could. Oh, did you stop by the market and get those things I asked you? Yeah, but tomatoes were 60 cents a pound, so I bought beans. Beans? Now, I got a backyard full of them. I supply the market. I could have bought those beans for myself and cut out the middleman. Heavens to Boston. All right, so I made a mistake. Put me in irons. Mary, it isn't that. Oh, hello, Polly. Polly want to crack her? Polly want to ride Chris. A ride, Chris? She's on a diet. Mary, would you like to... Mary, what are you laughing at? Polly being on a diet reminded me of something mama wrote me in her letter. Oh, you got a letter from your mother? Would you like to hear it? Yes. What does Plainfield's answer to Halloween have to say? Just a second. I'll read it to you. My darling son, Mary. Son? Mama wanted a boy. Oh. Mary, dear, we're all feeling well and hope you are the same. First of all, I want to tell you that your cousin, Louis, went on a diet and lost a lot of weight. It's a very strict diet. In 30 days they wouldn't let him have anything but bread and water. Your mother will say anything for a laugh. And Mary, it was awfully sweet of you to send your sister, Babe, that French bathing suit from Paris. However, Babe tried the bathing suit on yesterday and something's wrong. Either the manufacturer left something off the suit or nature left something off Babe. I knew she couldn't do it. I think it's her fault that she hasn't much of a figure. She's so bow-legged. She can wear two different stockings that you never notice it. You know, Babe has such peculiar legs. When she walks down the street, she looks like she's kicking herself, forbidding on UCLA. Exactly. That's more. Mary, you remember your Uncle Oliver. Well, Oliver got himself a job in the local bakery as a pretzel bender. He's pretty good, too. You ought to see Oliver twist. Mary, your mother's pretty good. That's a swell gag. I'd best read that joke to Jack as he's jerk enough to like it. Maybe I am, I don't know. So best regards and let us hear from you soon. Your loving mother, Charlie. Charlie? Her mother wanted a boy, too. Well, Mary, they can say what they want to about your mother, and most people do. Now, Mary, would you like to help me set the table? I want it to look nice when the Coleman's get here. But you know, it's still pretty warm. Why don't you serve dinner out on the patio? Say that's a good idea. Oh, Rochester, we're going to have dinner out on the patio. Paddy only. What are you staring at the wall for? Mary. Mary, that echoed you. You must have heard it. Jack, if you don't stop imagining things, you'll go crazy. I'm not imagining things. I heard it. I know I did. Well, try to get your mind off of it. Okay, I'll try. I'm sorry, but I'm having trouble with the napkins. With the napkins? Yeah, I keep folding them into squares, and they keep folding themselves back into triangles. You better check on the dinner. Okay. The Wilson came in a while ago. He wants to see you. He's in the library. Well, Don Wilson? Oh. Oh, hello, Don. Hello, Jack. The sportsman couldn't come over, so they asked me to talk to you about the commercial for the program. Oh. Meanwhile, I've been looking through your scrapbook all about your trip to Europe. Oh, yes. It's interesting, isn't it, Don? Certainly is. Gosh, what beautiful pictures. Yeah. Don. Don, look at this one here taken in Switzerland. Aren't the mountains beautiful with the snow-capped peaks and waterfalls? Yes. What do people eat there? Oh, cheese and hot chocolate and a lot of dairy things. And Don. Don, look at this picture taken in Glasgow, Scotland. The Highlands of Scotland is so picturesque and charming. It's really inspiring. What do people eat there? In Scotland? Oh, meat and potatoes. You know the same as we do. Oh, look here, Don. Here's a picture taken in Amsterdam, Holland. Ah, what a country, Holland. With the canals and dice and windmills. What do people eat there? I don't know. Fish, vegetables, a lot of things. Jack, what's this picture down here? Don, I'm glad you noticed that. That was taken during the war when I was in the South Pacific. That's a little island surrounded by coral reefs with a few palm trees waving in the breeze and the water is crystal clear and the sand is as white as ivory. What do people eat there? Each other, they're cannibal. I can't understand you, Don. I'm showing you such beautiful pictures. All you can think of is food. Look at this one here, the one with the donkey. That was taken in Ireland. Oh, boy, Ireland. I've always wanted to go there. It must be a beautiful country. Oh, it is, Don. It is. You ought to see Ireland, the River Shannon, the Lakes of Calarney, the County Slate, Sligo, Ha, Ireland, with its magnificent lakes, green fields, winding roads and simple little cottages and the people are so gay and happy they greet you with a smile and they're always singing. Oh, the days of the carry dancing Oh, the ring and the pipers too Oh, for one of those good old luckies How we like to meet every boon You can have your carry dancing I'll stay home with a lucky strike Made of light and fine to fathom That's the smoke that we all love Out in the deep and though tennis is always a shout Can it give us a lucky end We'll take Kentucky where they go to fathom So light and so fine Hell is this, hell is this, hell is this Hell is this, hell is this, hell is this Hell is this, hell is this, hell is this Hell is this, hell is this, hell is this This is Ronald Coleman coming over for dinner Gee, look what time it is They're probably getting dressed right now Must we go? Well, I certainly wish we had some Say, I've got it Call Jack up and tell him I broke my leg Oh, darling You can't tell him you broke your leg You told him that the last time and he found out you didn't Well, this time I will break it It's not necessary After all, he's not going to ask you to dance with him Well, can't you call him up and say I have a cold and my doctor doesn't want me to be among crowds No, that wouldn't work either Jack told me this was to be an intimate dinner and there won't be many people No, not at first But the place a bit jammed when the greyhound bus stops for sandwiches It isn't really so bad, normally but remember the night the sheriff was taking a busload of convicts to San Quentin Never forget it You know, it's bad enough going to Benny's house but the people he surrounds himself with that Phil Harris fellow What an atrocious character This isn't so bad, he's rather attractive too He's got nice hair So is Lassie and she doesn't drink She did, she couldn't lap it up as fast as he can The most ridiculous is that Dennis' day I know, but at least Dennis has an excuse Oh, what's that? He's nuts On Wilson, fellow You know, I can't understand him at all What do you mean? Well, once I was telling him about Last Horizon I gave him the most beautiful description of Shangri-La and when I finished, he said, what do people eat there? Mary Livingston will be there and she's very nice Oh yes, Mary is lovely But how Benny could take that girl out of the May Company and drag her down to this island? Let's finish dressing The sooner we get there, the sooner we can leave I wonder what Jack's serving for dinner Oh, probably the same thing as always baked beans under glass I hope he's more careful with the linen tonight Last time we had dinner there I wiped my lips with a napkin and got stuck with a safety pin Ronnie Yes, darling Last one dressed as a rotten egg Mary, the table's all set Looks nice, doesn't it? Especially the decorations Oh, Jack, you always overdo everything The last time I had dinner here you had the table covered with flowers, burns, leaves and everything So what? So what? Trying to find the mashed potatoes was like looking for Chloe Looking for Chloe, looking for Chloe I like the table as it is Now let's see, I'll put Benita's chair next to me Ronnie's chair next to you The hide chair next to Ronnie And... The hide chair In case he brings his Oscar Isn't it? Now let's, uh... Oh, boss, Mr. Harris called a while ago and said you promised to lend him your tuxedo tonight So I laid it out on the couch Oh, yes, his didn't come back from the cleaners Jack, where would Phil be going that he has to wear a tuxedo? Well, his band has been engaged to play at the Hollywood Bowl But the Hollywood Bowl is closing for the season I know, they want to make sure of it Oh, I just... I just thought of something Rochester Yes, Mr. Bailey Now, Rochester, I want this to be the classiest dinner that I've ever given So get the candlesticks off the mantleteens I think it would give it just the right touch of continental flavor to have dinner by candlelight Uh, uh, wait a minute, Jack I'm not dressed for such an occasion You're going to eat by candlelight Why didn't you give me notice? You let the country the country didn't give us none? What happened this morning? I just stepped out of a hot bath when the man came not only turned off the heater he blew cold air on me Here are the candles, boss Put them in the center of the table I still think it'll be too dark Well, okay If you want electric lights I'll go out of the switchbox and connect the wires myself Come on The switchbox is out in the service port There it is, over there Boss, here's a pair of pliers and screwdriver and a roll of tape Thanks This won't take long at all Mary, hand me my rubber gloves Yes, doctor Don't be funny Jack What? Maybe you shouldn't fool around with electricity I know what I'm doing Here, hold this flashlight Okay Now, let's see I'll take this wire and connect it over there Did the lights go on, Rochester? Uh-uh Now I'll take this wire and put it over like that Did that do it, Mary? Uh-uh I better take these two wires and hook them onto the bottom two wires like this Did that fix it, boss? Gee, I couldn't let go Mary, when I touched those wires did that do anything? Yeah, one of your eyebrows has a Tony Well, it didn't ring, so I walked right in Hello, Rochester Uh, Phil, what are you so sad about? What am I so sad about? Yeah, what's the matter with you? Well, I... Jackson Jackson, it's you Well, of course it's me Boy, am I glad to see you then you can lend me your tuxedo Of course I can I had Rochester laid out on the couch didn't you notice it? Sure, I saw the tuxedo but when I opened the door and saw all those flowers and the candles burn and I wouldn't touch it for a million dollars And say, Phil, the Coleman's are coming over and the flowers are for decoration I'm using the candle because the lights are out Uh, say, Phil how come we didn't see you last week? Where were you? Oh, Alice's mother came to town and I had to show her around Boy, we really had a time Henry's, Francois's, Dominic's I never heard of those restaurants They ain't restaurants, them as pool rooms Pool rooms Phil, you took Alice's mother to a pool room? She loves the game Phil, you don't think she talked Alice into marrying me just because I'm pretty? This is ridiculous Ah, wait a minute, Phil Are you trying to say that Alice's mother wanted you for a son-in-law just so you can play pool with you? Of course, she was concerned I couldn't marry Alice fast enough What? All during the ceremony she was standing in the back you chalking up Oh, stop chalking up Even the preacher got confused The preacher? Yeah, he says, you promise to love, honor and keep one foot on the floor? Now look, Phil, believe me you're a very charming fellow I just love to stand here and listen to you make things up but I'm having the Coleman's over for dinner and I haven't time Okay, okay, Jackson I can take a hit You'll find the tuxedo on the cow Thanks, here's the three bucks So long, kid Mix the lights Oh, I'm not going to bother with her now we'll just have to leave the candles Holy smoke, look how late it is I wonder what's keeping the Coleman's Is my tie on straight? Looks very nice, yes Thank you Oh, Ronnie, I happened to look out of the window and I noticed Jack has candles on the table Candles on the table? Well, that's Benny for you Candle, light and seven up Oh, Bonita, I'd give anything if we didn't have to go Anything Oh, darling, what's the difference? It's only one night I know, but he's such a bore talks about himself all the time Will you ever forget that night we ran into him in London? But, Ronnie, Jack was only trying to make conversation Conversation? Bonita, I didn't mind when he told me he broke all existing records at the Palladium And I didn't mind when he told me that the king and the queen couldn't get tickets But when he told me they were going to move his dressing room to number 10 Downing Street I could have spit in his eye For being enthusiastic Well, perhaps not But, Bonita, his method of advertising his engagement at the Palladium was disgraceful Well, it was rather flamboyant Flamboyant? Imagine him hiring a sky rider to fly over the House of Parliament writing, laugh till you crack a jolly Jack Yes, yes More for your car I tell you, darling if I have to listen to that stuff again tonight I shall... I'll get it Yes? I beg your pardon Is this Jack Benny's house? Well, Jack Benny lives next door Next door? But that's a parking lot Only the front lawn Well, I'm sorry I bothered you but I got to deliver this stuff to Mr. Benny He called up the market and said something went wrong with his oven and he told me to hurry over with four cans of hash Hash? Do you hear that? Hash If Benny thinks I'm going to put on a tuxedo to eat hash with a bunch of convicts he's got another thing coming Don't, don't, don't get so excited We promised Jack we'd be there and we've got to go Now, come on All right, come on, let's go Bonita, from now on invitation or no invitation I swear this is the last time Ronnie, look out Why did the gardener leave that... that flower pot in the middle of... Bonita Bonita Oh, oh, oh Ronnie, what's the matter? Ronnie! What are you all for yet? Bonita, we don't have to go I broke my leg You maternity ward You'll never look for me there An impartial survey covering all the southern tobacco markets reveals this important fact More independent tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands combined Yes, Lucky Strike First again with Tobacco Man Remember, these are the experts the independent auctioneers, buyers and warehousemen Year after year they can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light that naturally mild tobacco And more of these experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands combined You've heard the survey results Now, here's what Mr. Frank A. Brown, veteran tobacco warehouseman from Stoneville, North Carolina recently said Season after season, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike buy fine, ripe tobacco Tobacco you just can't beat for smoking quality I'll smoke Lucky's 29 years A Lucky Strike smoker for 29 years And Mr. Brown, like you, looks to the cigarette he smokes for enjoyment Real deep down smoking enjoyment So light up a Lucky yourself And puff by puff you'll see LSMFT, LSMFT Lucky Strike means fine tobacco And naturally fine tobacco means a really enjoyable smoke for you Yes, puff by puff, pack by pack You'll like Lucky Strike So next time you buy cigarettes ask for Lucky Strike Good night, folks This is NBC, the national broadcasting company