 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of johnathanasley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today, our topic, the Five Love Languages Exposed. Or is it his Five Love Languages Exposed? Really quickly, before we get started, recently one of you commented that my pink shirt seems a little effeminate or unattractive to me. So I wanna hear your thoughts. Is the pink shirt not a really good color for me? Please post a comment below because I'd like to hear what you have to say. Okay, let's go to those Five Love Language Conversations. Now, if you're not familiar with Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages. Five Love Languages. Definitely check it out. So I'm gonna kind of go through this a little bit. I'm just gonna give you my perspective of the Five Love Languages with respects to relationship today, especially with respects to people's core woundings and traumas. Wait a minute, woundings and traumas? Okay, we'll get to that in a second. So the Five Love Languages go like this. Words of affirmation, or in the case I'm a Leo, so it's words of adoration. Words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gifts, okay? So words, obviously some of you like words. We like to hear the words. We like to hear words of appreciation, of adoration, of affirmation that we're doing good. Many people need words for them to feel love, that feel that emotional connection of love. Now there's other people that need quality time. They need that time with you, that regular time together to feel bonded, to feel connected, to build those layers of trust in relationship that allows you to develop the deeper roots. So quality time. Now, by the way, everything relates to the roots and deeper connection, okay? So the words, the quality time, the physical touch, the acts of service, and gifts. So now let's go to physical touch, that being able to touch you, to just give your partner a hug, to have your partner give you a hug, just to say, I adore you, I love you, I appreciate you, I care about you. It doesn't necessarily need the words, but the touch feels like those words, okay? Now acts of service are those things where you do something for another person. It might be your boyfriend making sure that your tires are rotated, or there's air in your tires, or your girlfriend is cooking you dinner. Some of those types of things centered around acts of service where you're doing something for another person. And then lastly, gifts. It might be a small gift. It might be an expensive gift. It might be a bracelet. Oh, by the way, people ask me, what does my bracelet say? My bracelet says I'm enough. And the other one says Connor, my son who passed away. Someone made all these bracelets for me that says his date and it says he rests with love, my son Connor. So if you've wondered about that, and that's my infinity zones are chakras. Okay, but giving gifts, it might be small gifts, it might be big gifts, but for some people, that's how they feel loved. Okay, so this is the five love languages exposed. So what occurs to me, that men and women tend to fall into a certain category more frequently than others. So for example, men have been conditioned as small boys to stuff our words. To stuff our words. We've been told to keep our emotions inward. So oftentimes men aren't as vocally as expressive. Now someone like me who's a Leo tends to be that way or an anxious attachment tends to be that way. But not all men, but a significant number of men struggle with using words. So if, and by the way, what's interesting in reverse is women tend to need more words to feel more love. These aren't absolutes, this is just a generalization. Okay, or that physical touch. Men are visual creatures, we're sexual creatures. We need that physical touch to feel connected oftentimes. Now I'm gonna skip quality time for a second because we're gonna move to access service. Men tend to be more access service. We're kind of that provider protector instinct where we're doing to make sure, make sure your bills are paid on time or make sure our bills are paid on time. But that provider protector tends to be where men operate more frequently and less for women. Now women tend to be service as well is that nurturing personality that most many women have. Okay, and lastly gifts. I mean, what's interesting, I was thinking about when I brought flowers to a woman on a first date, she appreciated the gift, but I just don't see a woman giving men flowers and then men receiving it the same way. In fact, men have a very hard time receiving gifts. Now, in fact, we can talk about receiving in a whole different conversation, which is really important. Not all men feel that way, but a lot of people, actually women as well, have a hard time receiving which really equates more to our love attachment style, which I've mentioned the book many times, the book Attached, you should check it out to learn about love attachment styles. But a lot of times people have a hard time receiving the gift. They might appreciate the gift that they have the hard time receiving. Now I mentioned I blocked out quality time because this is the tricky one in a lot of current relationships, especially with people who are wounded and they're struggling to develop their own self-love right now. In fact, many people that are wounded or childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas need to have quality time for themselves to begin to really learn how to, and in my book called What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, to learn on to love on themselves. In fact, so, and I'm differentiating quality time because this is where a lot of relationships struggle is the time that they spend together, both the physical time face-to-face and the expectation of time on your smartphones. I'm doing my thumbs here, but there's this expectation that spending time on your smartphone is quality time, and that's, ugh, quality time is face-to-face time. And this is where a lot of relationships struggle because as we age, we've got busy, people have busy lives, they're doing other things, maybe they've got work, maybe they've got children, maybe they've got their health routine and whatnot, and we're struggling to create quality time together. Is any of this resonating with you other than my pink shirt? I'm just kidding about that. Okay, so first off, I invite you to do a deep dive in understanding the five love languages because here's the thing. How we connect with one another is primarily based on our five love languages and oftentimes the reason why couples aren't connecting because they're disconnected in their love language. And I'm here to invite you that before you have sex with a guy, and I always say a penis into a vagina, which I know turns off many of you, but it's just my style, but before you have regular sex with a guy, go to the website, Gary Chapman's website, the five love languages, type in and do the test to find out your love language, which I know many of you already have done, but have the guy do the same thing and learn about this stuff so you can actually build a healthy, happy relationship together. Stop expecting dumb luck to hope, and by the way, dumb luck meaning you're expecting the guy to be the leader of the relationship and I'm here to say you're giving the job to the wrong person most of the time. Thankfully, there are high value, high quality men who have done the work, they've done the personal development work, or have just been raised so healthy that they can lean into a relationship, but the vast majority of humans, I've always said this, we've got issues and it's important to work on our issues if you wanna be in a healthy, happy relationship and that's my invitation for you and that's my invitation for the guy that you might be attracted to. So I hope you got value from the five love languages exposed. I wonder what you thought about my pink shirt because someone mentioned it and now it triggered me to wonder if I should still wear it. Hey, you might have some thoughts or questions, please post a comment below. I read most of the questions and I do my best to respond. Also, if you're having an issue with a guy and you want to get some mail perspective, schedule a call with me, a free discovery call, to see if we're working with a coach can help you navigate your relationship. I'm a master at helping you get inside a guy's head from the mail perspective because I'm a guy with a penis, okay? I go through a lot of the emotional things men go through so I understand men and I invite you to schedule a call to see if working with me might benefit you. Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic hug of self love. I'm gonna give you a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone else and give them a hug because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use a lot more love in our lives. Thank you so much and wishing you a super duper wonderful, fantastic day. Bye-bye now.