 A huge mistake people make about narcissists. There is one thing that people often misunderstand or misinterpret and it's completely understandable because narcissists are manipulative and deceptive, they can cause people to believe something that is not true in order to gain some personal advantage, they can give you a mistaken impression and sometimes they can even fail to admit to themselves that something is true, because at times it may appear as though the narcissist is looking for something, it may seem as though they are lonely and they desire companionship, it may seem as though they just want something from you, as though they care about you or they miss you, as though you matter to them, you're special and important, you're something significant and you cannot simply be replaced by another person and it can be very confusing, because at times they will show polite and acceptable behaviour as though they desire to conform to societal norms and they want that for you as well, they value families and marriage, they value sustainable things but that couldn't be further from the truth and in fact that is the exact opposite of what they want, everything you see from them is fake, it's a false image, it's intended to deceive you, it's intended to make them look normal so that they can blend it to society, the reality is that they don't even care about you, they don't even know who you are, they don't even view you as a separate person with your own feelings and needs, they don't care about any of that, you could be anyone, because they don't connect to people on a deeper level, they can't be vulnerable, all they care about is what they see on the surface, which is why they assume that all another person could want is superficial things, whether it's money, sex or a superficial image of a relationship, family or a marriage, which is why that's all you're ever going to get from them, it's not going to get any deeper than that, which may be frustrating for you, because as an empath or even just a normal human you may desire something more, which is something that they can't give to you, because they don't have it to give, their emotional needs were never met when they were children, so they can't emotionally connect to you, they can only connect to you on a superficial level and everything they do is designed to mislead you, to tend and entice you into wanting things that you don't actually want, because that is how the devil tricks you, by making you choose desire over love, and that is the only way that the narcissist can function, by making you desire something superficial from them, because they don't have any love to give, they can only give you a simulation of love, and if you believe it it may seem real to you, but you will just end up being led down the wrong path, because the reality is that they do not care about social or societal conformity, they see that as a form of weakness, as something that is foolish and unwise, as something that puts them at a disadvantage, because then the shoe is on the other foot, they have to answer to you, because then they would have the desire to be liked and accepted, so instead they choose to be irritating and contentable, because in their minds that gives them power, if they're self-absorbed or they act in their own self-interest, it means that you can't reject them, because they never fully gave themselves to you anyway, so they think that puts them in a position of power when actually that is a sign of weakness, because it takes emotional strength to be vulnerable, so their surveillance behaviour is what causes them to have difficulty managing their feelings and emotions, because it's what enables their narcissism to continue, if they could be vulnerable they would probably be fine, because then they would be able to accept that they have a problem, so then they would be able to fix it, but narcissists cannot be vulnerable because they're very afraid, so they put up a wall, because they fear that they may be susceptible to an emotional attack, which may seem to make sense from an emotional standpoint, but from a logical point of view it doesn't make any sense, because when you are vulnerable, that takes emotional power and strength, it gives you the ability to make the necessary changes and to direct the course of events, while when narcissists are egotistical and in a state of grandiosity, that is actually when they are most vulnerable and susceptible to slight so criticism, so in a lot of ways they are doing it themselves, they put themselves in a position where they're destined to receive a lot of emotional pain, because their false character isn't real, it's propped up by external validation, which means that it can also be brought down, but a lot of them can't even see it, they can't even see that they're doing it to themselves, but this is just what they learned a long time ago, it's what was taught to them in their childhood, which is why even if you try to reach them or get through to them, they put up a wall, they say that you're being too sensitive, or that you're overreacting, when in fact these are just projections, and all you're ever going to get from your narcissists is your projection of who they are being, and they're going to assume wholeheartedly that these characteristic traits belong to you, when the reality is that they don't even know you, they can't even connect to you, or feel you as a separate person, because they can't be vulnerable, and it's only when you are vulnerable that you can connect, whether it's to another person or even to themselves, which is why this is often a huge mistake that people make, that this person knows who they are and what they want out of life, when in fact they're not even connected to themselves, so you're trying to connect to something that doesn't even exist, something that isn't even there, which means that by default you're just going to end up being deceived, it's not going to result in anything, because there was never anything there to begin with, which is why when you start to experience frustration and resentment, and you begin to confront them on their inability to deliver or perform, unless they can use it to gaslight you or shame you, it makes them really mad, because you're expecting something from them that they don't even have to give to you, they strung you along, they give you a simulation of love, and while you were wanting to connect to them, and you thought that's what you were doing, you were just falling in love with yourself, because when another person has an inability to be vulnerable or to connect to themselves, you cannot connect to them, you can only connect to yourself, and then you end up projecting these qualities, virtues and desires that you have for yourself under them, because your brain has to assume that they're on the same page, and that you value the same things in order for you to connect, which is why you're so easily deceived, because what you're expecting from them is what you already have for yourself, and you just can't comprehend that someone could not possess these effective components, but regardless of what you think or believe, reality will continuously show you that you are wrong, because the reality is that they simply don't have it, so in the end you will always be the one who is left with the short end of the stick, because they do not want what you want, they don't want a relationship, they don't want love, that doesn't even cross their minds, they know that you want that, that's how they were able to trick you in the beginning, by giving you the illusion of whatever they thought you wanted to see, they reflected that back to you, but then they started to dip, they started to look for a way out, because then they were under pressure to perform, and they didn't have that to give to you, they never developed these effective components, so the only thing they could do is try to twist and hold you responsible, or they just had to leave, because that is a lot of extra work for a narcissist to engage in, it demands a lot of their energy to keep up that facade, it's much easier for them to dip out and find another unsuspecting victim, someone who will believe in their simulation of love, because they can't just bring something out of thin air, they can't give you something that they haven't got to give, and yet a lot of you think that it's so unfair, that they're holding back, they're not giving you what you want or what you rightfully deserve, and then you see them moving on with their new supply, and now it looks like they're able to be vulnerable, they're able to open up to this new person, they've given them everything they never gave you, when that's just a part of the facade, they didn't change, it's just that it caused an injury when you confronted them, that made them feel some type of way, it made them feel less than a person, so then they had to go out and prove not only to you but to themselves that they do have that, they do have the ability to connect to someone on a deeper level, when the reality is that they don't, you will never get that from them, because they never had it to begin with, they never learned the effect of empathy, they didn't get that emotional needs met when they were children, and they're not going to start now, there's just no incentive for them to do that, because they see it as a weakness, they see it as something that would put them at a disadvantage, so they rely on their manipulation skills, they've had a lot of experience with that, so they see it as though that's their best chance, which is why the best thing you can do is stay far away from them, because it's only going to irritate and frustrate you, as an empath you're going to take it upon yourself to change or achieve something, and the crazy thing is a lot of them will even play on that as well, they're so disconnected from themselves that they will focus on your inability to get something out of them, while knowing all along that they never had it to give to you anyway, which really reveals just how insane they are, because they already know that you can't make them happy, they know they can't be satisfied, and yet they string you along, they lie to you, they future fake, when there's really nothing you can do to change it, you can't fix them, and you will only burn yourself out trying to do that, because it really is an impossible task, it's not something you're ever going to achieve, which is why, yes, even as empaths, we must set aside our egos and accept that this is something outside of our control, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, someone who sees their lack of connection to self as something that empowers them, or it's something that gives them an advantage, they're going to continue along that path, as if it's not with you then it's going to be with someone else, but either way you should not feel like you're missing out on anything, the only thing you're missing out on is more lies and deception, because that's all they have to give to you, whatever situation they move on to, it's just as fake as it was with you, and just as you fail to recognize it for what it was in the beginning, the same thing will happen to the next person as well, but be grateful that you do have this connection to self, you do have the ability to be vulnerable and to connect to other people, and in fact that is the reason why a lot of them will end up devaluing you and ghosting you, because they want to keep you stuck in your ego, where you are detached from yourself, it makes them look more sane and normal, if they can make you just like them, but recognize that you do have this power and ability to connect, you can't connect to them because they're not connected to themselves, but you can connect to someone else, and it will make them very envious and jealous, because they can't do that, so they may try to isolate you, they may even start a smear campaign against you, so that you don't go on and establish a healthy relationship and become a continuous reminder to them of why they had a history of failed relationships, but ironically that just empowers you even more, because isolation only strengthens your connection to self, which in turn will make your connection to your future partner even more powerful, thank you for watching, if you found this video helpful please give it a thumbs up, share your thoughts in the comment section, hit the subscribe button to receive the notifications, if you would like to support the channel, you can donate at paypal.me-naxivver, you can book a one-on-one with me on my website, it's Naxivver the code UK, thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon