 I was the Relayman of Shaitanir Regime, Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Salamun Alaykum and welcome to tonight's live show on Imam Hussein TV. Last week we reached a staggering viewer rating. Viewers from all over the world, tens of thousands of people watched the show last week thanks to our special guest Dr. Seya Damar Nakshwani. The title of last week's show was Islamic Divorce. It was so popular that we've extended the show and a series into a mini series now. To be continued today. We spoke about the rights, abuses, injustices suffered by people. People undergoing divorces, post-divorce, prior to divorce and so on and so forth. With me tonight I'd like to welcome once again Dr. Seya Damar Nakshwani. Salamun Alaykum. Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullah. It's a great privilege to have you on air once again with me. Thank you. Last week we reached a phenomenal viewer rating. Audience, Bolivia, Venezuela, Spain, Hungary as well. People actually called in, WhatsApp and telephoned and really did compliment specifically yourself for your inputs and your guidance. Seya Damar, I'd just like to recap very quickly. Back to last week now. We ended very briefly with the verse from the Holy Quran. Surah Nisar, verse 35. I'll just read briefly the translation of it. If you fear a breach between the two, then appoint a judge from his people and a judge from her people. If they both desire agreement, Allah will effect harmony between them. Surely Allah is knowing aware. So, just to go back quickly. What are the circumstances revolving around arbitration? And then we'll quickly go into the packed schedule tonight, inshallah. First and foremost, Amir Reza, who's behind the scenes here at Imam Hussain TV, it's the anniversary of the passing away of his father. And so we send our condolences to his family. May Allah SWT bless his father's soul. Arbitration is not easy. And in many cases, these arbiters tried their hardest to provide guidance and to provide support for this couple who are going through an extremely difficult period. But the arbiter, without a doubt, is someone who has to know the context, not just of what these two have been through in their relationship, but also what are the customs that are bringing happiness to couples living in London, maybe different from the customs that are bringing happiness to couples, for example, living in Najaf or Qom. What do I mean by that? I mean, when we're living in London, going out for a romantic meal with your wife, or maybe watching the odd film with her, or for example, going on a type of sporty holiday where someone, snowboards or jet skis, these are things which are seen as being, for example, fun in Western culture. That arbiter cannot be giving advice on the basis of how he remembers Najaf or Qom used to be in terms of the relationship that he has with his wife. In many cases, in some of the most traditional Muslim environments, going to the restaurant with your wife in some of these very traditional conservative cities was even frowned upon. Some Maulanas could not go to restaurants with their wives for many years. Things may have changed slowly now. I see that sometimes when we're calling two people from the community, if it's two Maulanas, Maulanas have their own world view about what brings happiness in a marriage. It's related to what Ahlul-Bayt have taught us, and they may give wonderful advice in relation to supplications that are to be recited, for example. But at the same time, I think we need people in the community who can relate to the couple socially. Absolutely right. Where these two can look at them and say, well, where have you gone on holidays? What sporty things do you do together? Where do you go out for meals? Do you ever impulsively tell her tonight we're going out for a meal, or does it have to be planned? Is your night out something which has become robotic or not? Therefore, when the Quran was stressing on arbiters, or those who are going to be involved in the arbitration process, the Quran wanted us to not only seek a means of reconciliation, but wanted us to also ensure that the people who are giving the advice are not those people who are unaware of today's social environment, or biased, or people who live with the principles of their ancestors. And what do I mean by this? I remember somebody going through a difficult time with their wife, and it sadly led to a breakup. There were arbiters who were involved. The arbiter for the guy's side honestly didn't have a clue about the laws of Talaq was getting mixed up on a number of areas. But that's besides the point. We give that person the benefit of the doubt. The arbiter on behalf of the lady's side, on the sister's side, she tells the groom's side of the family that the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon his family, married a difficult wife. So let your son just live with this the way his Prophet lived with. Now, what's that advice? Yes, the Prophet, peace be upon his family, I can see in Surah Al-Ahzab and Surah Al-Tahreem that clearly there are difficult moments with some of his wives. There's no doubt about that. And there are prophets before the Prophet, peace be upon his family, like Prophet Noor or like Prophet Lot, whose wives actually died, disbelievers. But what type of advice are you giving this groom? Yes, we know we want reconciliation, but don't turn around to him and say, your Prophet had a difficult wife, therefore you should just continue and remember your Prophet. That's not sound advice. It's not practical advice. And even sometimes we may go to the Maulana in our community and the Maulana may offer us a lot of wisdom in many areas but marriage counseling, the way he understood it in Lahore or in Bangalore, or in Najaf, or in Qom is maybe completely different to today. In that time, you could have easily advised somebody that look, you know what, you shouldn't get divorced because the whole community will put a black cross on you. Who's going to marry you afterwards? Today that's not advice. And so arbitration fundamentally must have people who are socially aware, who are practical and who give sincere advice and not advice that fits the mold of the generation that they were necessarily raised upon. And I believe that the person who's giving the arbitration as well must be aware of the different terminologies which we're going to touch on tonight's show. What is the, you know, when we're talking about the Khali'i divorce, when we're talking about Mubarat, when we're talking about, for example, the Iddah period, the divorce which is, for example, the Raj'ibah in revocable, irrevocable. It can't just be anyone who's giving advice. You could end up ruining a marriage. You could end up ruining a relationship if you are not aware of what Allah, Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, intended when a Talaq takes place and whether there are certain means of reconciliation which you have not considered. We'll touch on them slowly, Insha'Allah. Thank you for that. So just to kick off the live show tonight's viewers, the first question we have is, is there a need for a father's permission? And, you know, this actually causes, you know, a lady, maybe some problems as it were when she wants to marry or not. I mean, why can't we just make these processes just simple and just, you know, have a guardian or guardianship and then it's done. I think there's a lot of people who have an issue, especially in the Western world, with a guardianship issue, that there are a lot of girls who got divorced who have, in my opinion, a viable complaint. And that is, why did I need my father's interference when it came to who I wanted to get married to? Because... You're taking away that person's choice, in effect. And what I think you could see within Islamic literature is there is a debate about the guardianship of that father, for example, when it comes to marriage. That father can't force you to marry somebody. And in many cases, the way some fathers are out of love, some because of their wisdom, some because of their experience, some actually made their daughters marry people they never wanted to marry, but because it suited the father, more than it suited the daughter, does a Muslim woman, therefore, necessarily require her father's permission for marriage because in many cases you'll find there are divorces that happen because the girl will turn around and say, I didn't want this guy. But you guys tried in many ways to persuade me. Mind you, it's the opposite as well. There are those who told their parents, you guys don't know what you're talking about, let me marry him, let me marry him. A few years later, yeah, mommy, yeah, dad, you are right. But I think we may have to reassess the issue of guardianship and in terms of who one chooses for marriage. Because it's sad when there are certain places which sometimes remind you of Arabia in a minuscule way when it came to, for example, marriage choices that the fathers would accept the one who gives the highest dowry, not the best person for their daughter. And in some cases, fathers will turn around to their daughters and say, you know, I'm your dad so I decide who you get married to. In some cases, the advice they give is wonderful. In some cases, the foresight they have is unique. In other cases, I think the lack of independence of some led to divorces because of decisions made more by the families than by the person. So just very briefly, is it really revolving around the innocence of a woman or the mental faculty of her understanding or both? There's independence, I think. Independence should allow one to make their own life decisions. You know, once again, we're fighting the context versus the text. The context in the world today is extremely normal for someone to leave home and work in the city. It doesn't mean they become immoral. No, not at all. Whereas in many of our communities, you'll find that there are people who turn around and say, that still she needs her father's permission before she gets married to anybody. Well, that person who's now independent, earning their own living, father's not paying for anything, why is it that she would require her father's permission to engage in a relationship? There are some ladies in the awesome community in their 20s, in their 30s, mature enough to be able to make their life decisions. I've always said that our parents' advices are fundamental because many times your mum does prove you're wrong in terms of decisions that you've made. But I don't believe that that should shroud the fact that there are men who are independent enough not to disrespect their parents. But to maybe marry somebody who's not in the mold of what their parents perceive as amazing. Some parents may perceive that person has to be doctor to be amazing, whereas they think that their daughter should only marry someone who's seen as a doctor in some societies because that's the highest earning person. What they don't realize is their daughter may have fallen in love with somebody who's at a job which is... Just a workaholic. Yeah, but workaholic on somebody who's going to struggle for the family and they love each other. And they get on. There are many who made their daughters marry people whose status was high. Yes. But there's no click. No, no, no. So I believe the whole idea of the guardian making decisions for you for marriage, consultation is fundamental. But I think there are divorces that have happened because we went in that type of way. With respect to circumstances now, is there a possibility that an individual may take their partner for granted and end up regretting a divorce? I mean, thinking really, you know, trying to rewind and say to themselves, should I have stayed? Should I stay? What's going to happen? What are the repercussions as it were? There's a tradition of Imam Ali, I'll never forget. Amir al-Mumineen talks about the fact that it should make 100 excuses for your wife. Should. Yeah. And 100 excuses. In many cases there are men, if their wife had one slip of the tongue and then straight away that was it. That's the end of the relationship. And you end up living with regret because you begin to realize that the grass wasn't greener on the other side. I think likewise there are ladies who may have left certain men who like all of us, male, female, all of us are fallow bones. We all may make a mistake here and there. And I think people don't realize sometimes what they have until they lose them. What I mean by that is when you hear stories out there of men abusing their wives physically and emotionally now you may not have had the most charismatic good-looking guy on earth but did he ever emotionally abuse you or did he physically abuse you maybe in an introvert, not an extrovert? Yeah, yeah. But at the end did you really want to let go of that guy if there hasn't been that or he's trying to bring food on the table? I may have struggled at times. And you haven't seen it as being good enough. Never laid a finger on you. Never come back drunk. Had no relationships on the side. You may have just turned around and thought well I want to move on to something else. I can appreciate that. Islam appreciates that. Islam is different from Christianity which has a problem with the idea of divorce therefore it just annulles and says there was no marriage we can appreciate that. You could get to a stage where it's mundane it's just not there anymore you find the relationship reprehensible sparks gone. But, but I think in some case if you sit back you'll actually realize that the marriage is not that bad. You know you both have got a house wonderful kids the cars, education family and God tested you in an area you really have to give up that quick. So I think all of us may have had a regret and for those who are watching this I think it's important to realize that you know when you're about to make that final decision just sit back and think you know I've heard the grass is growing on the other side but if this person hasn't been as crazy as some of the stories you hear out there then is there a possibility that you could still work on things? Yes, yes. Okay, thank you for that. Before we continue to the questions that actually have come in today already I do urge viewers to actually donate if possible your mama's saying TV cannot function without your donations and your support the telephone number to make donations is 0203 515019 you can also telephone via WhatsApp your messages as well 07 939 917 163 say now just to rewind slightly back to last week we touched upon separation and is a couple undergoing a period of separation or really in effect in layman's terms having time out can it be healthy? Yeah I think or is it subject to the time duration? because you may end up having a divorce without having a period of separation I think sometimes that period of separation allows you to cool down always be careful who's giving you advice when things are going bad sure you might be getting advice from a divorcee who hates the world and everyone that lives in it and she can't wait or he can't wait to tell you get out, get divorced this is the best thing that can ever happen to you be careful not everybody out there who's giving you advice when things are going bad is a person of wisdom or is a person of God consciousness true there are some out there because of their nasty divorces hate mankind there are some out there because of their nasty divorces hate womankind and after last week's show and the staggering number of emails that we received here at Imam Zayn TV it's amazing when you're looking at all those stories and when you're looking at the stories there are men who hate womankind and there are women who hate mankind and there are some who will tell you just finish this off, get out and there are others who will tell you chill don't get in each other's faces for a period try and rekindle the friendship that existed at the beginning I hope there was a friendship that existed at the beginning try and rekindle that and when you can rekindle that then you know there's still something there if you can't rekindle that then okay at least you tried and it's not just trying for mom and dad's sake no no no you actually try hey there could be kids involved don't be so selfish and just walk and remember when we're talking about extreme cases where sometimes you have to walk I'm saying just sometimes sit back and think well these kids are going to grow up in a broken home could we just maybe work on things one more time plead to each other and just say listen is there a possibility now before we get this divorce maybe we just take a period out to see is the spark still there do I miss you do you miss me if it's there from one side not from the other okay one can appreciate but I do think the separation period is something that definitely is needed sometimes the Quran will say those of your wives you may fear there's an indecency from them at the beginning talk to them if that doesn't work separate the beds okay maybe you know you go to one side of the bed and she goes to the other and that doesn't work some said and we try to prove that this goes against the actions of Ahlul Bayt while they walk in the Quran but also some said that that also means to travel away or separate away from each other and I think that that could be something which at least gives you that knowledge that well we tried we tried and it didn't work out okay so now moving on to the questions so now we've got quite a many questions so sister Khadija from Kuwait via email she's been abused in her relationship but she was no one will marry her I mean if she divorces you know there's difficulty for her to earn as it were reliance and so and so but what advice can we give I wouldn't focus too much yeah on this idea that if I divorce who's gonna marry me there's this thing that goes around a lot that you know what lack of faith lack of faith but also if you're in abusive relationship someone's harming you someone's destroying you yeah don't turn around and say but you know what maybe it's better to stay in here and get beaten black and blue because who's gonna marry me after not at all in some cases you're still absolutely beautiful inside out it's sad when someone like sister Khadija has to say something like this but you're still beautiful there are people out there who would be lucky to be with you yeah and I'm again talking the extreme cases there are some cases where there can be reconciliation you can work with each other but in the extreme cases I know that there are many out there who just stay in marriages either because they don't want to bring a bad rep to their parents listen your parents are not living your life and the religion of Islam did not say it is wrong for you to find living with your husband there's something which you're not enjoying yeah yes yes yes there are laws related to it but the religion of Islam was not against the fact that you may not be enjoying this relationship and there are ladies in the life of the Prophet peace be upon him and his family who were divorced and who got married Zaid and Zainab Zainab being the cousin of the Prophet peace be upon him and his family and Zaid being his adopted son and you've got this clear situation where they don't get on with each other there could have been a thought from Zainab that who's gonna marry me Prophet peace be upon him and his family takes it upon himself to marry his cousin so those who are thinking well if I get divorced how am I gonna earn a living it's better that this guy just punches me every day and it's better that I just try and remain patient no I'm sorry to say this because there are too many Muslims who be around the bush on this issue or hide what's happening in our community it happens in every religion happens in every culture I don't care if you're monotheist or atheist there are people who have abused their wives in every culture but don't just sit back and think well you know what actually I don't want to hurt dad's feelings go to your father and speak to him yes yes if it's reached an extreme case and even if it's not an extreme case and there's no click open up in that situation open up with your husband open up and say that listen why are we gonna hurt each other even more it's gonna become really nasty if there's nothing there then where are we heading and that's why there are chapters of law called the chapters of talaq the chapters of you know the khal'i divorce and the mubarak or the mubarak and all of these sections are talking about the fact that you may actually look at each other and you may resent being with one another or one part may resent the other so this is something that can happen yes okay I'm not sure if you're aware and viewers as well but there's a sizeable community she's a community in Argentina as well so we've had a question from there from another sister she has three children married to a very arrogant husband unfortunately there's no sex life but she's concerned about who will accept the children if she wants to move on so what is your sort of... concern? definitely it's not easy to move on when you've got the kids because there's always this thought in your mind that there'll be a guy out there who loves me but then is he willing to take on my kids yeah and there are certain guys out there who are good guys but there is a psychological thing when you're not their dad you know they're looking up at you and you're not you're never going to be the same as my dad sometimes the problem isn't the guy you're going to marry sometimes the problem could be your own kids who may look at the person you're marrying and say well that person will never replace Barbara you know will never be that replacement figure but once again if you're with someone who's arrogant who has there's no sex life left anymore could be two things could either be you've reached an age or he's enjoying things on the side you know he's enjoying his holidays and his trips and his local whatever and he's enjoying that on the side and it shows that he's got no interest in you if he's not maintaining you financially or he may be but not maintaining you physically as well that's your right as well then there has to be someone who is called for the arbitration here it shouldn't be something you're just allowed to go on why you know what I'm with your dad I'm only with your dad because you're around otherwise your dad's so arrogant he doesn't speak to me anymore then no the mom shouldn't be in that either the dad fixes up and the dad makes it clear that I want to work on myself or I'm sorry or I'm asking for forgiveness well there has to be now a change of the relationship I know some people out there might think they're now making the divorce sound so easy I'm sad when I see women who live lives where they've been hurt I'm sad when I see that there are ladies out there who've done so much for their families and it's not appreciated breaks your heart because I tell you why it breaks your heart because when it happens to your own sister that's when you realize how difficult it is for others when your own sister has to go through a situation where she's with someone very arrogant or abusive somebody who's just got no interest it hurts you yes yes and so I think the sister thinking well I've got kids how can I move on the prophet Muhammad peace be upon him his family he taught us a lesson he married widows or he married divorcees and the fact that they may have had kids did not get in his way umsalama when he married her umsalama had a son by the name of umar and imam ali later on names his son umar after umsalama's son umar bin muqrin okay because people do ask us this question about some of the names of imam ali's kids and there are great personalities out there who were named these names and umar bin muqrin was one and the prophet peace be upon him doesn't turn around and say well why am I marrying this lady when she's got a kid I don't want no kid from another wife you know it's the real softness in the heart of the prophet peace be upon him his family okay but you definitely don't deserve to live a life with somebody who treats you in a way of arrogance yes okay we have another email question as it were the sisters intentionally use an anonymous name so she said please use a different name please use zaynab so this sister has contacted her channel and said that she's more religious than her husband um her husband has no interest in going to majalis or uh sacred places or ziyara um what she should do what should she do um she feels divorce is the best option um what no no divorce is not the best option okay no I'll be very frank about that being more religious than your husband doesn't mean divorce is the next step okay so viewers do please this is this is fundamental to the viewers I I have to repeat this yeah I may have an interest in going to majalis I have an interest in taking the kids to the madrasa I have an interest in gong ziyara the husband doesn't when you first got married the two of you weren't you on the same playing field hmm just because you're now a bit faster in your development the ethical thing wouldn't be to leave the ethical would be to take the hand and try and move forward together sometimes there are husbands it's not that they're anti ziyara yeah it's not that they're anti um majalis sometimes the majalis that they listen to their board of hmm they're listening to someone speak and they're just thinking not being made motivated what's going on yeah it just doesn't relate to me that husband is not the fact that he is not interested in majalis because that same husband there may be one or two speakers he is in or of he loves their lectures then you may have a husband you're like he doesn't go ziyara he doesn't go ziyara because the ziyara group that's taking him hmm is not explaining to him for example where are we what's the history of this place we're going to it's just you know what get to the ziyara place pick up my page 441 okay here's some I've been five minutes okay let's move on yeah yeah when you're saying your husband is anti majalis or anti it's different from someone whose husband is now with having entertaining these thoughts of atheism and so on that's a different story yeah yeah let's let's stick to the to the fact on this particular area true I've seen cases where I've met family is subhan Allah I met one a couple days ago in London and he just blatantly said it he's like listen I don't go to lectures the only ones I listen to are yours he just blatantly said that now when he's saying that with all due respect to others while giving lectures and so on some might perceive what he's just said as someone who's antagonistic towards lectures and majalis no he's just like listen when I want to come and listen to a lecture there's a certain way I want to deliver there's a certain style there's a certain depth I want some sort of relationship as it were I don't want the Mawlana to look at me as like some six year old in the crowd I want the Mawlana to actually treat me as if I'm someone who is educated and he wants to take me even further in my development therefore if there is a lady out there and that lady sees that she's now going to these choose day night see her Thursday night Majalis Saturday night this community and she feels that her husband is not so active don't forget the fact that that husband doesn't mind you going to these that's a Baraka that is a Raza when that husband saying go enjoy these I don't mind let the kids go to the madrasa don't show your waiting divorce yet someone might naturally want to be with a husband who they think you know what this guy don't chat with me because he's like he loves religion I myself I myself with my wife I'm not going to be speaking to her 24 7 about the the mask and glittering of Shahid Al Awal or Majlis Bihar or Kulaini's Al-Kafi or you know the Makaslib or for example you know no I'm going to try and speak to her about Liverpool football club yeah yeah I'm going to talk with her about football I'm going to tell her how crazy I am football I'm going to discuss with her what she's studying I'm going to discuss with her you know what's on the telly for example and she likewise when she's always speaking to me she loves that conversation you know she enjoys the fact that there are times where we can talk about religion or we talk about sports we talk about you know what's happening in the media and politics and so on people may imagine that my wife would be somebody who's going to be listening to me talk about the Qur'an and the Ahlul Bayt 24 7 at home and I can't wait let's go to Ziyarah and Umrah no no not at all and there's a balance true there's a balance and so when you've got that husband who's not that religious and Jafar al-Tayyar is a well known personality say Zaynab never once tells him I'm Ali's daughter I'm a grand one may argue she may have been on a level higher maybe but you know what she found in him there's lovely traits of generosity there are other husbands out there they will go and so on the stingiest humans you will find my partner maybe somebody that lady will say I keep telling him but when you want generosity the first to donate the first to help build the mosques the first to help fund another person Ziyarah if they can't go on Ziyarah therefore don't look at that person and think that the exterior exterior religiosity is the most important rather turn around and look at some of the wonderful ethical traits they have which believe you me earlier someone asked about arrogance having an arrogant husband but who goes Ziyarah I would throw that away to have a partner who is somebody humble but generous generous for the parents down to earth it doesn't go to all the magylists and how many are at magylists these days who are people who sadly have left black dots and black marks on their families so now we've just got about four minutes until we go to another break so moving on swiftly could you please define khulla as it were why do some see why do some women seek it as it were what is actually entail khulla the khala divorce because I know that many will talk of khulla the khala divorce is a divorce where the woman finds living with her husband as something which does not bring her any more happiness she resents being around him there's distress when she's around him she can't stand him maybe she can't stand the way he looks could be as simple as that but the issue is directly with the husband right for the khala divorce and when you're looking at this particular divorce you're finding that the lady doesn't like for example the look of the husband the manners of the husband the akhlaq of the husband and so on when she doesn't then there is a certain sum that she pays she has to pay that the sum of what is seen as for example the dowry that's given back to the husband okay so for example the husband paid $750 dowry and when the husband paid $750 dowry she can give back that $750 all of it not partial she gives back the $750 now husband may be somebody who agrees to waive husband may be somebody who wants to charge more in the mubarat divorce which we will come to both of you find the relationship you can't stand each other anymore it's not one sided so there's a consensus as it were in the khala divorce you have reached a stage where the wife doesn't want to be with the husband in the mubarat that is now a stage where both of you don't want to be with each other in the mubarat divorce in that one you stick to the limit of what's been spent on you okay so now we're just going to end just there viewers do join us again in the next couple of moments just going for a short break and also to call in for your questions and donate if you can 0203 515 0109 is a telephone number telephone number for whatsapp questions is 07 939 917 163 back shortly each other Salam alaikum and welcome back to tonight's program on Islamic divorce say it now salam alaikum just prior to the break we briefly touched upon as it were I hope I've pronounced it correct just going and continuing on that topic let me just continue in the discussion on that what you have is that many people ask this question that how can a muslim woman get divorced and normally the unilateral right for divorce is given to the man and this I believe brings about a lot of injustice it's certainly not mentioned Quranically that the man is the only one who has right for divorce and I think it's even open to question in the world of hadith okay and there are many women who are treated unjustly in marriages because the man will turn around and say well I'm not giving you a divorce what are you going to do about it let the Mawlana call me let your family beg me I'm not giving you a divorce and I believe that that whole area is open for debate that the woman should have as much unilateral right as the man to be able to divorce now there are certain types of divorces okay where a woman can get out of her relationship and we mentioned the and we mentioned as we said with the divorce what happens is that I for example look at my husband I'm going to be as late as possible I can't stand the fact that my husband smells bad or I can't stand the fact that my husband for example is bald that's my only reason I can't stand the in-laws or I can't stand the house we live in otherwise the Khala'i cannot be completed the Khala'i has to be completed because you know it's even the statement for the Khala'i divorce is not anti-taliq for example you are divorced there is Khala'i or mokhtali'a anti-mokhtali'a which means that now there is this separation that takes place at a certain payment now what is that I as the husband you're telling me that I'm bald you don't like me or you're telling me that I'm fat you don't like me I don't smell nice you don't like me I've spent money on you in this relationship you resent me I can appreciate you want to move on I can appreciate however I've spent money on you give me back the amount which on the minimum let's say for example is the dowry right you give me that dowry back you have your divorce they are also the husbands entitled to ask for more than that dowry amount so if the dowry amount for example is 2,000 pounds let's say if that's the dowry amount then a person could turn around and say to the wife you don't like me okay I don't want to live with someone who doesn't like me I'm not going to beg you give me my 2,000 for example that my family gave your family on that day and move on there's a problem with the divorce it's irrevocable in which sense normally when there's a divorce normally it's revocable because in the Adda period which we'll discuss shortly now when someone gets divorced there is an Adda period say 3 menstrual cycles for example or 3 months for the one who doesn't menstruate and so normally if I get divorced with somebody there is this period in which we can reconcile with the Khala divorce or the I see many commonly called it Khula with that divorce it is irrevocable unless right the wife gives back what's being given to her and the husband then takes her back that's the only otherwise it can't be the same as the revocable divorce they make a separation in the world of Islamic law between a divorce which is revocable and irrevocable and buying a divorce is the common one me and the mrs haven't gone gone to Maulana there's been 2 witnesses there 3 menstrual cycles later if I haven't touched her if there's no intention of return she moves on however if there is an intention of a return then we can come back with each other yeah there are certain divorces where you cannot come back right for example I divorced my mrs once we got back together divorced her twice third time I divorced we cannot get back together still I've divorced this dunya 3 times of which there is no return third time first time mrs divorced and then we're like come on I love you second time you know what this is over but we come back again third time third time divorced that's one the other one is the khalai divorce but the khalai divorce if your husband you had given your husband a certain amount if you give it back to them they can take you back during that that's with the khalai with the mubara the mubara divorce the woman doesn't like the husband the husband also doesn't like her so it's not one way it's two ways I don't like the husband the husband doesn't like me but there is a cap on the amount that is given whereas in the khalai he could even ask 15 times the amount I spent all these years you think now that I'm ugly or you don't like me anymore okay give me back some of the payment that I spent on you all these years and I'm getting out of your life and what happens let's just put it out there not using the word nasty but just say that someone is being a bit difficult and he demands something and he's not going to get it well you know there's a whole sora in the Quran called sora talaq and that sora says either you know you stay with each other respectfully or you let each other go in peace don't make someone hang on the one who's they keep her hanging on it's not right but if the relationship is over just end it yeah sure okay so we've got a whatsapp question salams I have a question regarding my nikah and iddah I have been married for 17 years I have no relationship with my husband I live with him but we sleep in separate rooms is my nikah valid and if I want to go for a divorce what kind of divorce will it be will iddah be wajib on me I don't have any children yes he's having other relations okay let's work on this they have not had sex for what 14 years 14 years doesn't make a difference they had sex in the beginning of the relationship would mean that an iddah would be the iddah period iddah period of the three menstrual cycles she would have to observe the fact that the husband is not maintaining her rights physically you can go to haqim al-shara for example or you for the if the husband is clearly having affairs outside of marriage it means that there's no more interest in each other he's elsewhere you're elsewhere and in that case even the mubarak divorce can be done as well so yeah iddah would still have to be observed even now some of the viewers may say I got divorced last month we haven't had sex for 2 years is there still an iddah because they say iddah is normally to verify there's a pregnancy we haven't had sex for 2 years the other reason there's an iddah is to see maybe that you too may reconcile iddah when there's a divorce many families do not know this point and that is when your son or your daughter has divorced in those few months for example they still have the right to go back to their marriage and when they have the right to go back to their marriage don't stop them that 3 month period 3 menstrual cycle period that period was there from Allah SWT not just to verify if there's a child give you a second chance give you a second chance ok my name is Mohammed my question is if a couple do not have contact with one another for more than 6 months meaning no physical contact or speaking or seeing one another are they automatically divorced and what should they do afterwards if one wants to get married to another person they are not automatically divorced not at all if someone does not have sex with their partner for 2 years they are not automatically divorced there is this misconception that if someone has not had sex with their partner for 4 months then it's divorced not sure you should never leave it longer than 4 months but otherwise you would still have to go through the divorce procedures if you want to get divorced ok Salam brother my name is Ar Zahra I have a question about Sayyid Shia girls who are not allowed to marry with Sayyid boys is this in our religion and please I want you to talk about this topic this is only in India and Pakistan only and India and Pakistan has some of the most passionate Shia in the world and some of the ones who have given the most to Ahlul Bayt in their history not on this area they seem to find extremely sensitive ok right we will come back to more questions but the questions are coming in quite fast Salam if someone has a kid from a random Christian girl let's say a one night stand and they never got married and she doesn't want to know about Islam what do they say is it haram is it something bad for the kid what if the kid becomes Muslim one day you had sex with a random Christian girl we don't want to say random I don't want to belittle anybody by using words such as random you had sex with somebody you have a kid look after the kid don't go out there and have relationships and then when there's a kid you want to run away ok so let's go back to can you return to the husband can a wife return to the husband during the iddah of Ahlul Bayt if she gives the money back and the husband then takes back from there and accepts yes we've just got over 20 minutes so they know quite a lot of questions to get through do offices of them Maradiya actually help I mean some actually think that sometimes these offices are disinterested or their affairs or you know the complaints are moved one office to another office what can be done about this as it were to sort of harmonize that an office in any institution always has people who try their hardest to serve you and there are people who maybe negligent in their duties if I now go to a big bank in London there's somebody in the customer services of the bank they're diligently on my case running around back and forth to help me resolve my financial issue and there's somebody who looks like they've had the worst day in their life and they want to help likewise when it comes to some of the offices of our mosques and Islamic institutions it works like that as well there are certain people who are extremely helpful they go out their way to listen to so many marriage cases and divorce cases in their communities and there are others maybe you caught them on a bad day if I give benefit of the doubt okay in addition can you please advise one Harkim and Shariais what exactly is it well if you've got a Marjah out there and the Marjah has representatives say you have the Marjah's rep who can interfere in your divorce case where no one's listening to you your husband financially is not looking after you your husband is not keeping in touch even with you and in many cases many women did not know who to go to because then when they tell the husband I'm not doing anything about this the Marjah may have a rep for example that Marjah's rep may be in London you go to the Marjah's rep and that person will call him once he verifies that this person truly is not trying to maintain contact or is not looking after the duties that our husband has to look after he can arrange for that divorce to take place it's not some random by the way Tom Dick and Harry who could do this by the way Haakim Sharia has assigned certain people for example who have that authority on his behalf so ultimately just extending that point what are the rules around Haakim Sharia for a husband and wife for example if the husband has been abusive can can this take place without the husband knowing if the only way it can take place is if the husband blatantly doesn't answer anyone's calls and then at that moment the rep of that Marjah can annul and ensure that the divorce takes place annul it he can do the divorce, he gets his two witnesses and those witnesses ensure that it's done but I think the best way is to talk with the person a person should try their hardest to talk with somebody and if you find somebody cursing you on the other end of the phone then you can only imagine what his wife's been through with regards to Iddah now why is there an Iddah period in Islam if it in terms of is a husband responsible for his wife in Iddah period when you divorce your wife in that revocable divorce you're still meant to look after her food and clothing okay I think there's a misconception in our communities where people think that when you divorce a girl you've got to kick her out of the house give her shelter give her food, give her clothing until that Iddah period is finished so that Iddah period is either there to verify if she's pregnant or reconciliation or reconciliation maybe the two of them miss each other in that period you miss each other all it takes is a touch and you're back together okay so staying on we've got a question on Iddah so just before we get to that can there be sexual relations in Iddah between the husband and wife the moment you touch each other you're back together the intention is they'll return and you're back together again in the revocable what if the Iddah period is not observed by the woman after the divorce is granted and she has relations with another person what then of the divorce as a precaution the person she has so there's a woman in her Iddah period but she's not observing it so she's had sex with somebody else in the Iddah period as a precaution that person becomes haram for her to marry right and naturally I'm assuming can her husband and wife live together in the Iddah yeah of course the Quran talks about the fact that you know you look after your wife when you've got divorced it shouldn't be a case of look I can understand if we're going to be very real you probably both so angry with each other and you just want to get you don't want to see each other's faces but of ligatory on the husband is that he has to maintain his wife in the Iddah period viewers have asked me to actually ask you this can there be a divorce with no Iddah can there be a divorce with no Iddah two cases the first case if there's if you've not had sex with your wife so there's no Iddah for her there's no chance of pregnancy whatsoever and the second is if the lady is above 60 because the menstrual cycles won't apply so those would be the two cases where there's no Iddah 60 menopause and when it comes to the other women somebody you've got married but you've had no sex there's no Iddah for the girl an interesting but important question I believe can a woman move in with her future husband when she's divorced can she what can she move in with her future husband already being divorced but still observing Iddah from the ex-husband while somebody is an Iddah they cannot be in any other relationship period such as marriage you cannot have an Islamic marriage or a a temporary marriage and sex you have sex with somebody while you are still in the Iddah of Talaq as a precaution it is Haram for you to then marry them right, we've had another question Mona she wants to know and she's used also an anonymous name as it were so Mona isn't her name if albeit having sexual intercourse with her husband she was in Iddah of ex-husband can they marry each other precaution as I said earlier it's Haram then there are other Marajat who may say Toba, Repentance but it's really frowned upon okay now the circumstances surrounding a sister who wants to reconcile as it were with her husband but the parents do not like him get somebody to speak to your parents get somebody wise from the community to have a word if you still love your husband and some people fall into this trap I want to go back to my partner but my parents don't like my partner so I'm not going to go back but I love my partner and I miss my partner then don't give up on your partner try your hardest to find somebody who is going to be able to give good advice at that moment is it recommended to marry a divorcee what happens if emotionally that lady may have been hurt what are the thoughts around that your kismah wasn't somebody else's right it was written for you not for that person it can happen what sort of divorcee divorcee is killed somebody divorcee happens to people maybe get married too young too naive immature and they regret it later on what they've done and they moved on matured and they're great people the prophet Muhammad married divorcees and whatever he does we try and follow in the best of ways a brother has contacted us it's quite a serious serious issue so it should be treated with sensitivity as it were he's contacted us from Pakistan and he has a dysfunction as it were an erectile dysfunction with his wife but his wife thinks that he doesn't love her but he does and the community that he's from views this issue as being taboo should they divorce no, no, no way this is a question straight from him problem is in our communities is that if you do have dysfunctions physically related to your sex lives many men are too scared to admit it even though there are phenomenal doctors out there who can really help you and then what happens is that the wife begins to think that he's enjoying himself somewhere else which is the biggest nightmare you can have as a husband if your wife first thinks that or the wife thinks well maybe he's not attracted to me whereas that husband may have too much on their plate their mind may be somewhere else etc, etc and so don't let go of this relationship just because your community may frown upon this there's many areas the community frowns upon but it's your love, it's your marriage, it's your future tell your wife openly I'm going through a period of stress at the moment I find that I'm not maybe sexually performing and it's got nothing to do with you I've got to reflect on myself but help me out talk to me and you'll find that many wives are the most supportive they're the first to stand up for you and to be alongside you and say listen no problem at all because it could be the other way and how could it be the other way sometimes the wife may not be as responding to your needs and that's because she's carrying a lot in her life which means she's not all there and she wants to tell you that listen I love you but I'm just finding that there's too many things which emotionally are affecting me at the moment there needs to be that communication okay and the Quran wanted us to have mercy and tranquility with each other there has to be a merciful nature to ourselves when we're talking with each other about these things so I advise the brother there in Pakistan that brother don't divorce simply because you've got this issue and if you love your wife and your wife loves you don't even let her think well what's his problem is it me open up open up and say that I've got this issue and it can be worked on with the help of the medical doctors and ultimately supplication as well absolutely okay 15 years ago when I was 16 years old I was I was engaged forcefully by the family of mine and his Marlana read permanent Nica for us instead of temporarily until we actually got married this engagement lasted a few months and I broke up my engagement without having any sexual relationship currently I am single but my question is am I still considered to be his wife because we did not go to Marlana to read our divorce she was engaged forcefully she was involved in a marriage and she Marlana read the permanent Nica yes there would have to be a talaq there would have to be a talaq recited she's closed it off as he were no no talaq would have to be recited I mean this belief how if it was mut'a then it's normal there's no talaq to be recited but if there is a permanent marriage there would have to be a talaq recited if she sends us the details we'll try and resolve the issue inshallah yes please do try and discreetly email your question or issue you can also call in again telephone number is 0203 515 01 9 now there's another question here it's a little bit staggered as it were I think it's the same person currently he is a married man and having his own children there was no sort of relationship between us after I broke up with him so there's been a break as you mentioned yeah there would have to be a talaq recited I just don't know what's happened with that we would have to listen to it further I have an urgent question I'm messaging from Pakistan I was married for 12 years 10 of those years I spent trying to get a divorce my husband wasn't Shia but we had a Shia nikka he finally sent me the divorce papers and I divorced through Sharia is the legal divorce enough for me to move on so the talaq was done it was a marriage to obviously someone from another school yeah so another mother we had a Shia nikka yes a talaq counts it's okay talaq is done if Shia girl is married to a Sunni boy Shia lady married to a Sunni man they done the talaq according to the Sunni they don't have for example the witnesses there the talaq is valid okay right same person I believe it was my first pregnancy and my husband was insisting I get an abortion should this alone be a reason to get a divorce abortion if the mother's life is in danger is allowed in Islam and if not aborting will bring unbearable harm then it's allowed in Islam at a certain period of which there is debate and discussion so we would have to review the case and see what the circumstance was sometimes a person looks at such moments and should seek repentance from God but it's not enough for divorce okay salams does the husband still have to pay maintenance to the wife after the idda period and if so for how long and if they have children does husband still have to pay maintenance inshallah in the next show we're going to have a complete dissection of what happens with the kids after the divorce and custody of them right salam brother have a question is it okay for an older woman to marry a younger man as a prophet did marry Bibi Khadija but due to the community issues please should we keep away from this so I'm not talking to someone older than you and you feel that the click there then why not yeah okay now just going back to the schedule for tonight a caller called in Arsif and his friend in a moment of anger he said talak three times to his wife does his son know the marriage shia no other schools in Islam maybe okay because sometimes because when people hear she said tala tala tala then it's a divorce so for shia there's no such thing that you know a person in a fit of anger he just turned around and said tala tala tala the wife can just go and tell him just go watch some football okay other schools in Islam there are many cases where they did that and they regretted it and they in some cases had to believe that well she would have to go and marry somebody and then after she divorces that person and completes that idda only then can she come back to them for us no okay what happens if a sister marries someone else can the first husband take his ex-wife back if the sister marries marries someone else can the first husband take his ex-wife back so there's been a divorce can she marry someone else so it's a little bit vague I believe it's in relation to the idda as it were so if she's within the idda she clearly can't marry another man when you're in the idda you cannot be in a temporary or permanent relationship with any other person okay right there's one question here the sister hasn't emailed her name but it's quite a disturbing question my it's quite a sad case I think I'm sure everyone will agree my husband divorced me an hour before I gave birth when does my idda end my husband divorced me an hour before I gave birth when does the idda end as soon as you give birth done finished as soon as she gives birth idda is done all finished okay viewers do call in to actually pose your questions the telephone number is 0203 515 0109 you can also whatsapp your questions 07939917163 just going back to the topic now we discussed quite a bit today as it were now in relation to the divorce as it were what I'd like to ask is what should be the I know we're going to actually encounter a number of different cases as it were next week as it were we'll continue this but we've spoken about khulla we've spoken about other cases as it were divorce as well there's a particular verse in the holy Quran if I can just go back to it so when you saw 0129 you spoke briefly about moalaqa if you can just briefly touch upon that moalaqa is a very sad situation for any human being and what that is is you've got this very arrogant husband who knows that divorce is in their hands and that's why I always claim there has to be a review of you mean a control as it were he can just call for a divorce to happen and clearly this person abuses this in a very unjust manner how do they abuse it in an unjust manner they just turn around to their wife and they say to her listen go and beg me go and beg your parents I'm not giving the talaq and if I don't give the talaq you're not giving the talaq you do want to get a talaq I'll charge the highest payment for you on the khala'i so that's not going to happen so the moalaqa in some cases has to wait 5, 10, 15 years really? because the husband utilizes their power imagine the moalaqa is the husband's family's best friend imagine you're living in a town and the moalaqa is the husband's family's best friend the husband in front of that moalaqa is going to say I'm very close with her I love her gets home it's also you see you really thought that moalaqa was going to help you guys and so the quran says do not leave them attached or hanging don't leave them hanging maybe either live peacefully or let them go and sadly we have many cases in the world today where husbands have been so arrogant with the wife saying listen if you are going to have a divorce I take the kids and we're going to discuss that next week what happens with the kids that can you really take a child away from the mother at the age of 2 is this something just we'll discuss that further in the next show but the moalaqa like I said the quran is very against those who leave a lady hanging because they want to hurt her it's a form of oppression of course Islam is meant to be a practical religion and it's meant to have come to bring ease and not hardship like this you'd think it brings hardship and not ease with its followers behaviour okay one last question it's just in relation to maintenance again how long does the husband have to pay maintenance I know obviously and a lot of people will probably abuse the system or probably will quote from british or western law but just in terms of maintenance the period of the husband would have to maintain his wife and children and maintain the children of course majority they are his responsibility try and maintain them that whole period and then of course outside of that iddah period with the wife if the wife is the one who's looking after the kids which we'll discuss in our next show then they would have to be maintenance there and then we'll discuss the ages and so on okay my pleasure, thank you excellent viewers that's all we have time for right now but inshallah do join us again next week which will be the third part of this topic of Islamic divorce I do urge viewers to call in and if you could kindly donate as well by telephone in 0203 515019 and also whatsapp your questions 07 939 917 163 from Dr. Sehra Mahanakshwani and myself Muhammad Ali, salam aleikum