 With that said, let's begin reading here in Mark's Gospel, chapter 10, we're looking at a question of divorce. Chapter 10, verse 1, Mark's Gospel, Mark says, then he rose from there, came to the region of Judea by the other side of the Jordan, and multitudes gathered to him again, and as he was accustomed, he taught them again. The Pharisees came and asked him, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife, testing him? And he answered and said to them, what did Moses command you? They said, Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and to dismiss her. And Jesus answered and said to them, because of the hardness of your heart, he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation, God made them male and female. For this reason, Man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate. In the house, his disciples also asked him again, about the same matter. So he said to them, whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery. And so as is my normal way of teaching, I want to bring you up to speed by reminding you of a few things that have taken place up to this point. Then we're going to pick up at verse one and carry on with our Bible study. Now, Jesus had been in the north. He had been in a home in the city of Capernaum. Capernaum is on the north, kind of the northeast, I'd say, border of the Sea of Galilee. And so Jesus had been in that area and he had left. Now, while he was there, he had taught his men lessons. He had been teaching his men about humility. And he also was sharing with them concerning the cost of discipleship. You see, they had been arguing amongst themselves concerning who is the greatest in the kingdom. And so Jesus had to teach them things about servanthood. And he had told them in Mark 9.35, if anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all. Well, this lesson was something that he had to repeatedly teach them. It was something that was so stuck within them that he repeats this lesson over and over again. And they constantly and consistently were misunderstanding his point. There was a dispute. It was a dispute that they had been having concerning greatness. And it's a dispute that continued all the way to the night of his betrayal, because Luke tells us that after Jesus had said, one of them would betray him, that they had begun to argue amongst themselves. In Luke 22.24, there was a dispute among them as to which of them should be considered greatest. This took place after he was sharing about a betrayal. And yet they're still concerned about that. You see, on the same night after the Passover had ended, Jesus had washed their feet. At first it was a resistance. And Peter had said, Jesus, you shall never wash my feet. The idea that the master would wash his feet was simply unheard of. So Jesus told Peter, if I don't wash you, you have no part with me. To which Peter replied, Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head. I need my hands to be washed for the things that I do. And I need my head to be washed for the things that I think. And I need my feet to be washed for the places I go. So Lord, wash me, cleanse me completely. Now during this time it was common practice for the host to extend certain courtesies. There would be a kiss on the cheek. There would be anointing of hair with oil. There'd be the washing of feet. And that act was to be performed by a servant as an act of honoring the master. Well Jesus washed the feet of them. He washed the feet of all of them, including Judas. That was an expression of humility. That was a lesson his men needed to learn. In John 13, 12 through 15, when he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. Do you understand what I have done for you? He asked them, you call me teacher and Lord. And rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. The example of servanthood, the example of humility. And the lesson of humility is a lesson they needed to learn. If they're going to succeed in taking the Word of God to a world, they needed to learn to serve. And they needed to learn to serve with humility. It's like what Peter said in 1 Peter 4, 10. He said, each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. Now he had taught them about humility and service. He also taught them the cost of discipleship. He had made it clear to them that a life of sin actually has eternal cost. Because eternity is at stake, they were to radically deal with anything that hindered them. Whatever they did, wherever they went, whatever they saw would impact them. And because of this, they were to be careful to forsake things that would, that would entrap them. They were to pursue holiness and reject the temptations of the flesh. Ultimately, all stand before the Lord. All will give an account of themselves to God. And because of this, they need to live a life that is pure before Him. You see, in the not too distant future, they will endure great trials. And they were to remember that these trials would purify their faith and strengthen them. They were to endure these trials, be strong, because they were to reach the world for Jesus Christ. And these lessons that He's teaching them were taught while in Capernaum. And now Jesus goes south. He goes to Judea. He's going to minister in this area now for the next several months. And Mark is going to concentrate on Jesus's ministry in the eastern side of the Jordan in an area called Piraea. That's what it says in chapter 10, verse 1, when it says, He arose from there and came to the region of Judea by the other side of the Jordan. And multitudes gathered to Him again. And as He was accustomed, He taught them again. So Matthew 19 records the same incident. And He includes the fact that not only was Jesus teaching them, but He also was performing healings. And as the people are gathering to Him again, as was His habit, He's teaching them things concerning the kingdom of God. And He did this because He wanted them to have lives that are blessed. Why should the Word of God be taught? The reason the Word of God should be taught is so that we would know the will of God, obey the will of God, and be blessed by God. If you don't know the will of God through the Word of God, then you're not going to know how to be blessed by the Lord. Deuteronomy 529 says this, oh, that they had such a heart in them that they would fear me and always keep my commandments that it might be well with them and with their children forever, that they would have a relationship with me, that they would reverence and fear me, and they would be obedient. And I want to bless them. And the way that that's going to happen is if they keep my word. And not only will I bless them, but I want to bless their children also. We're going to see that in just a moment, how that pertains and also is related to marriage. And so now it's become common. There are the multitudes, and now there are the Pharisees. And they are now beginning to seek more opportunities to discredit Jesus and His ministry. Verse 2 says they came up and asked Him, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? But notice he adds testing him. Matthew 19.3 covers the same incident. In Matthew 19.3 the question is, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason? Are there any restrictions of any sort on obtaining a divorce? Now these religious leaders ask one of the most important questions that they could ask. How can two people remain together when they're so different? Now Mark makes it clear that these religious leaders are not asking a sincere question. Notice again, it says that they are testing him. That word test in the original language means to test maliciously. It speaks of being crafty. They're asking about divorce. They're asking about marriage. And we need to remember that John the Baptist had paid the supreme price for his answer to this question. Prayer, where they are, is under the rule of Herod Adibus. He's the one who beheaded John. So Jesus' answer could be taken to Herod, and perhaps Jesus could be put to death the way John was. And so they come testing him maliciously trying to entrap him in order that they might have an issue that they can take and charge him with. Now divorce is an issue that was debated in the time of Jesus. Obviously it continues to this day being debated. I want to share a little bit about this just as again a foundation. Up until the first half of the 20th century, divorces in the United States were rare. And that's because various forces were united to keep families together. The first thing was an encouragement that we had of our immediate family. Our immediate family wanted us to make it. Married people had grandparents. They had parents. They had a brother, a sister. They had uncles. They had aunts. They had cousins. They had friends. And they encouraged them and expected them to succeed in their marriage. It was something that the family and those close to them, it was something that they would encourage them to. They'd say, we don't want you to get divorced. If we have to be miserable, why not you too? No, they wanted people. Are you going to get away with it? They wanted them to. They wanted them to succeed in marriage because they knew that the foundation of not only the home itself, but the nation itself is built on the strength of the family. And so there was this unwillingness to say you can have a no fault divorce. It's not my fault. It's not her fault. It's nobody's fault. No, that was not acceptable. As I was growing up, as a young person growing up in Norwalk, I only knew in our area, in my circle of friends and acquaintances, I only knew at that time just a couple of people who actually had homes that had been broken by divorce. It was just a common thing that communities, that the family, that people would remain together and do their best to work it out. Because as mentioned, there was the immediate family, but there was also the community expectation. The society itself, the legal system, supported the family in biblically based morality. Strict laws made divorce difficult. Community peer pressures stigmatized divorce. It wasn't something you would just lightly do. And then the third thing that kept things together was the moral teaching of the church. The moral teaching of the church acted as a glue, helping to keep marriages together. The churches that were led by Bible teaching pastors took God's word seriously on that matter. In Malachine, the Old Testament, chapter 2, verses 13 through 16, this is what it says. Another thing you do, you flood the Lord's altar with tears, you weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, why? It's because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth. Because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant, has not the Lord made them one in flesh and spirit. They are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit. Do not break faith with the wife of your youth. I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel. He wants the faith of God to be past generationally. You love me, God would say, you serve me and raise children to do the same. And I hate divorce because it shatters and destroys. It doesn't just destroy the two, but it destroys families. It destroys a father, a mother, a love they had for that spouse. It destroys children. It is something God says and he says it very firmly. It is something he says, I hate. I hate divorce. And so that's what kept people together. The encouragement of an immediate family, the community expectations and the laws that related to that and the moral teaching of the church that didn't give people permission just because you got tired or whatever. They didn't give them permission to just easily do something. Why? Because God said, I hate it. And so they're asking in this question. And again, verse 2, the Pharisees came and asked him, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? Testing him. Verse 3, he answered and said to them, what did Moses command you? Again in Matthew chapter 19 verse 4, have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female? So he's speaking now. Notice this to the Pharisees and he's responding in verse 3 in Mark. He says, what did Moses command you? But in Matthew, we have a little more insight because he says, have you not read? When he says to these religious leaders, have you not read? He is basically rebuking them. Why? Because he'd be saying to them, you pride yourselves as teachers of Israel. You pride yourself as biblical scholars. You pride yourself as the ones that walk through the various places expecting greetings from people and respect from them because you are their religious leaders. You pride yourself in this. But don't you even remember? Have you not read? But God has said concerning this. So it was a very pointed statement that he was making to them. And that's why in verse 3 he said, what did Moses command you? I want you to notice this. Jesus immediately responds with an answer based on Scripture, not on man's opinion. Like it says in Psalm 119, 105, your word is a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path. He responds with Scripture. So since God is the one who created marriage, he must have the answer to problems that can rise up within it. Marriage was not invented by man. It isn't an institution that was developed by men to keep women in slavery. There are those who would say that. But God is the one who created marriage. It wasn't invented by man. And so what does God have to say about it? What reason does God give to permit divorce as Jesus' response? You see, in our day there are various reasons that are given for divorce. Infidelity, money problems, drug and alcohol addictions, poor communication, domestic violence, the absence of emotional or physical intimacy, a lack of shared interest, religious differences, a lack of commitment to marriage. There are various reasons people today will file for and receive a divorce. But Jesus is saying what did Moses have to say in verse 4? They said Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and to dismiss her. So they respond to him as he asks that question. As experts in Moses' law, they would know what had been written concerning marriage. But they ignore the passages that deal with marriage and debate the passages on divorce. And so what they're doing is the Pharisees are appealing to Scripture for an escape clause. So they say in verse 4, Moses permitted a man, now notice, to write a certificate of divorce, certificate. When he says a certificate of divorce, a certificate was proof that a divorce actually had taken place. It would save the woman from being labeled an adulteress if people thought she had lied. It authenticated her claim that divorce had occurred. So there was a certificate. It was like a legal paper. So the sad thing is that they're more interested in justifying their own understanding of the law of Moses. Now in their answer when they're speaking here, again in verse 4, Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and to dismiss her. They were actually speaking of a passage in the Old Testament in the book of Deuteronomy. And this is a passage that deals with remarriage. It's in Deuteronomy 24 verses 1 through 4. I'll read it to you. When a man has taken a wife and married her and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, then let him write her a bill of divorce and give it in her hand and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife. And if the latter husband hate her and write her a bill of divorce and gives it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife, her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife. After that she's defiled. For that is abomination before the Lord, and you shall not cause the land to sin which the Lord your God gives you for an inheritance. So the thing that was argued about, there were actually a couple, but I'll address one, is when it says he has found some uncleanness in her. And so the debate was, well, what is it when he uses the word uncleanness? What is the word uncleanness actually mean? It means indecency. Well, during Jesus' day there were basically two interpretations of this passage. There was one rabbi by the name of Hillel, and he said the uncleanness that he had found is anything displeasing to the husband. Anything. Her cooking. When Marie and I got married, she had never cooked anything in her life. And I still remember suffering. No, not, that's not the right word. My wife's a great cook. I love to tease her about this. But when we first got married, she was a college student. Her mama took care of her. Her mama made meals for her, and Marie never had made a meal in her life when we got married. And she made me, I happen to like certain foods that are a little spicy, and I like steak piccolo. And so she made me someone, we were newly married, she did not know how to portion out. So I gained 20 pounds in about five weeks. She didn't know how. I think it was so she could make me fat. So if I fell out of the nest, I could just wander around and never pick up another chick. I don't know. But it was hot. And I still remember the tears forming on the corner of my eyes and her C saying, is that good? Oh, yeah, it's great. So yeah, I could have divorced her. You could divorce for disrespect. If the woman would say something, the wife would say something to the husband that he didn't like, he could write a bill of divorce and send her away. Anything. If she were walking and she would be wearing a robe and her ankle showed, and another man saw even her ankle, he could say, you're unclean. And he could divorce her. It was for pretty much anything. That was Rabbi Hillel. Anything that displeases the husband is something he can just write a bill of divorce and send her away. There was another rabbi, his name was Shamai, and he was strict and he would say no. He would say adultery is the uncleanness that is being spoken of in Deuteronomy 24. He said this some uncleanness is specifically referring to sexual fornication or adultery, and therefore you can divorce. That's what he would say. But both interpretations of this law that Moses had given fell short of its intended meaning. The word uncleanness literally means nakedness. It speaks of shameful exposure, shameful exposure, nudity, that would be a disgrace. And so the word uncleanness speaks of every improper or indecent act unbecoming to a woman that embarrasses her husband. But what kind of uncleanness would it be? And so it's unfaithfulness and promiscuity that stopped short of the physical act of adultery. It is the woman being with a man in an improper way but not having sexual intercourse. It is everything that could lead to that which would cause the husband shame. Because when it would be brought out into the open the husband would have shame and so would the family. And that was the reason that they would end the marriage. But it wasn't the sin of adultery. Now how do we know it wasn't the sin of adultery? It would not be the act of adultery because adultery in the law is punishable by death. Leviticus 20 verse 10, if a man commits adultery with another man's wife, with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulterous must be put to death. So this Deuteronomy 24, one through four passage is not dealing with the physical act of adultery but it is an act that brings shame to the husband and it's an act that is sexual in content that falls short of sexual intercourse. That's what Deuteronomy is talking about. And so divorce was permitted as an act of grace as an alternative to capital punishment. Now the husband could not remarry her because adultery resulted by her second marriage. This is because the original divorce did not have biblical grounds. So a divorce because of indecency created provision for an actual adulterous situation. And so Jesus is speaking to them about that verse 5 and he answers and says, because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept, because of the hardness. Moses permitted you but Moses didn't command you to get a divorce. This was a grace filled concession because of the hardness of your hearts. Now when you use the term hardness of heart in Scripture it speaks of being hardened in sin, not open to reconciliation. Hardened hearts reveal a stubborn refusal, a refusal to obey God and a hardened heart reveals human nature. Now some refuse to consider any alternatives and they divorce. Why? Because there's unforgiveness involved. They're just unwilling to reconcile. Well that's due to man's own sin, his own hardness of heart if there's true repentance. And so he begins to speak to them concerning that because of the hardness of your heart, because he knew what you would do with these relationships. He gave you permission. It wasn't a command. He permitted it but he goes on, from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. And so Jesus here quotes Genesis chapter 1 where God speaks of God creating them male and God creating them female. There was an argument when I was in Bible college but this has been going on for a long time about whether or not Jesus recognized certain books like Isaiah and Genesis and all and if he took them literally or not. Well Jesus is quoting right now from Genesis 127. He's using that as his proof text and he's saying from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. God made them male and female. Now what is a male and what is a female? There's a big question today right? Let's take a moment. Now all you really would need to do is ask a 12-year-old boy. He knows the difference between male and female and he's not a biologist but here we go. Male and female. In Hebrew it is literally the one male and the one female. Now divorce was not an option. In the original creation there are no options at all. There was nobody else to pick from. It was Adam and Eve according to the Genesis record. And so male and female is what Jesus is referring to and that is how we are created. We are created. He made them male and female. We did not choose which one we are. We can unearth human remains that have been buried for 2000 years. And just by looking at the remains you know if this is male or this is female. It doesn't matter what they thought of themselves. It doesn't matter how they self-identified. They were biologically male and female. And so Jesus is simply pointing that out. God made them male and female. He goes on in verse 7. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. The two shall become one flesh. So then they are no longer two but one flesh. And so he begins to speak to them very basically about this. He now quotes Genesis 2.24. Man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, be joined. So the husband is to leave. The husband is to leave father and mother and begin his own family unit. And he's commanded to move from under the parental authority of his mother and his father. So when I got married it was not my mom and dad's responsibility to continue raising me. When I got married and Marie and I said I do, we became our new family. It's just us. That doesn't mean that I as a young man or a young married man or Marie as a young woman, young married woman. It wasn't that we couldn't ask our parents for advice which on occasion we may do something like that in our early days. It was that they had no parental responsibility over me anymore. I had to become the man in a new family unit. So the man and the woman, they leave their father and the mother, they join together, they become one flesh. And that's how it was supposed to work from the beginning. Now I have married children. I'm not to meddle in their lives. Sons are to lead their homes. Daughters are to learn biblical submission and relationship that that's their job. That's not my job. What I do is I am there just as somebody who has a parental relationship but also giving them the freedom to learn their own lessons. You see verse 7 says that the man leaves father and mother and he's joined. That word joined is literally glued. It speaks of being fastened or holding fast. It speaks of sticking together. The husband and the wife he's saying are to be unbreakably joined together. Ecclesiastes puts it like this. So one may be overpowered by another. Two can withstand him. A three-fold cord is not quickly broken. And we like to picture a three-fold cord as man and wife and the Lord tying them together. And so your marriage in the Lord is what gives you strength to make it through all the things you're going to go through. So that gives us insight into God's original intention for marriage. He intended marriage to be a total commitment and consecration to one another and it's ordained by God and therefore we protect it with all of our energy. Notice in verse 8 how he speaks of one flesh and they are one flesh. The two shall become one flesh. They're no longer two but one flesh. As a married couple we yield ourselves to only one person, our mate. In 1 Corinthians 7 verse 4 the wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. And that's giving by the way permission for us as a matter of fact a command and a reality that we're to satisfy one another in the physical realm. It's supposed to take place. God made that relationship pleasurable. He intends to have a sexual relationship. He created us so that it would be pleasurable. If it were not pleasurable we might not have even done it. We break every other commandment but that's the one that I think a lot of people feel very good in keeping having relationships. And so the wife's body doesn't belong to herself and the man doesn't belong to himself. It belongs together. They work together in a relationship. And that doesn't mean that individuality ceases to exist. I'm still myself. I'm still this person and my wife is still that person. But that person that I'm married to is filling the gaps in the life of this person. So there are things about my wife and this is what marriage is intended to do. There are things about my wife that are filling the gaps in my life. There are things about Marie that I need to learn. I need to learn not only who she is but to learn from her in the way she is. And so for me and for my wife and I won't go too far into this other than to say that when I first got married I had a bad way of thinking of what a man was and what a woman was. I was a young man. I didn't know very much. As a new Christian you know it wasn't like I was a Christian for 30 or 40 years or anything. I was only a Christian for a few years when I got married and I still had a whole lot to learn. I'd spent two years in the army and that broke up a lot of the growth that I might normally have. Plus I was a drunk and a druggy from the time I was 15 till I got saved. So I didn't grow up in a lot of areas. And so I'm now married and yes I'm learning to teach the Bible and yes Marie got saved through my sister as she attended our Bible study and the rest of that. But I was still growing up and I had to learn how to get along with somebody who is different than I am and because we had made our vows to God and not to man it was something that we needed to honor and to learn from. And so I over the years began to learn how I should be as a man. And no I was I wouldn't even go so far as to say I'm a great husband now but I certainly wasn't when we first got married. I didn't understand. I come from this family that that we're pretty much outspoken pretty much. I am and and Marie you know I'll give example one example it was it's true if she did something I didn't really like I I didn't know how to tell her that so I would just say it the way I was feeling it. I don't like that. She hadn't done that. Don't do that again. She'd look back and she wouldn't say anything. I said I got my point across. See we're we're talkers. I mean my mom you could see my mom and me sometimes talking you think there's a fight going on. We're just visiting and my mother had given me permission to speak my heart and my mind to her so I was not reserved. I would just say this is what I'm feeling. That was that's the way it was with us. Marie came from a quiet family so her family if there was a problem you wouldn't know it for a while and so I tell Marie I don't like this. I don't want it done. You understand. I heard that. You understand. She just looked at me and think man I'm a good communicator. She understood exactly what I meant. I'd go outside and come back in true and she'd say listen she's been thinking for 40 minutes she's got everything in order and I thought I thought this is I look at I thought we resolved this. Oh no no Mr. we haven't. See so there are things like that. Every married couple even dating couples dating is not the same as marriage because we easily still put on the best face when we're dating. We don't want them to know what we're really like until we put that ring on them. Now you get to know what I really am when you're dating most of the time you're on your best behavior but now you're married this is who I am and so I had to learn like everybody else does how to communicate how to not hurt her with my sharp words. I thought that that's the way men spoke to women. Now my dad didn't do that but I thought that's what men did and so my girl had to teach me and you guys those of you who've been in this church you can see there there's still sharp edges on me sometimes I'll just say what I'm thinking I've been praying for all these years to God to tenderize my heart I'm doing the best I can but he's not through with me yet and so I had to begin to learn through that relationship and I discovered that that the compassionate heart my wife has is something I didn't have at all at all. You guys could be surprised but I didn't cry I wasn't I didn't cry I never said I love you and I didn't show emotion that was me and so by being with Maria I've learned to trust the fact that I can be open she brought that out in me it's her fault but she brought that out in me she I was sitting with her I have you know I have I have cousins that they're they don't know how to put it other than to say they're from some pretty rough backgrounds I grew up with that my my cousin's from Venice you know Venice isn't today what it used to be a long time ago Culver City if you say Culver City now a lot of people think oh it's really cool and bougie and this and that it was filled with gangsters including my cousins and I don't even know what their names are just Lalo and this and I mean their nicknames you know but they were they were bad they were bad and so two of my cousins were at my house I'll make this quick and Marie and I have just started dating we walk in my cousin Bernice is sitting with my other cousin and she says to me yeah this is this is she has an accent so I'm kind of pretending to be her voice for a moment but this is I'm sitting there and she goes yeah my husband yeah he's in prison he didn't kill him she goes like that and I'm going nah he didn't kill him he's innocent and I'm thinking to Marie welcome to the family because I grew up with that I I know those stories of those of my cousins two of my cousins that same their their brother and sister one was a heroin addict and she finally kicked the other one my cousin Richie died of heroin overdose they found his body eaten by ants in a field at the age of 21 yeah that's my family and I got on the other side that's my mom's side that's the normal side the other side was worse see so I grew up around that I'm used to it that's why I'm very comfortable with with people who've had bad background my family you know as long as you don't beat me up I'm good with you right but Marie's sitting there and yeah he he didn't kill him and I go Lord I'm thinking this and and I'm talking to her I say yeah we're just talk and I think well Marie welcome and I turn to look at this girl Marie there are tears coming down her side of her face she's crying for people she didn't know I'll never forget the spirit spoke to my heart and said that's the woman you need because she'll teach you to cry for others because I didn't I didn't I thought and you know what you made your bed sleep in it hey you reaping what you sow man Marie's crying for someone she didn't know I'm telling you the Lord intends I can't go into all of this I'm actually I can't go into it as much as I'd like to but Marie fills those portions of my life the two shall become one flesh she fills those portions in my life that made me who I am not because she was dominating me because my mother told her my mother told Marie your job is to raise your husband my mom already failed you're going to fail too no that's not your job because she tells me hey your mama told me I'm supposed to raise you I said your mama not my where am I telling you this because the two shall become one flesh and the person that you're next to that you're married to they have not because they're forcing this but you have a tendency of responding to and adjusting to and it's a way of making you complete and marriage was intended to do that so what God is joined together let not man separate marriage is the plan of God but divorce is the work of man so this is intended to instruct those who are married to died in themselves it reveals the concern God has for personal relationships now Matthew gives the biblical reason for a divorce in Matthew 19 verse 9 in there there it says I say unto you whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality marries another commits adultery and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery when he speaks of sexual immorality that specifically speaks of adultery the biblical reason was specific it was adultery divorce is permitted to show mercy to the faithful spouse why should they be penalized in the Christian church there's another provision in scripture and in the New Testament another provision is in relationship to a Christian married to an unbeliever if you're a Christian you say you guys got married and you came to faith in Christ and the other one didn't and that other one doesn't want to be a Christian doesn't want you anymore because you've changed too much well in 1 Corinthians 7 15 if the unbeliever leaves let him do so a believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances because God has called us to live in peace so if you're wanting to win your your unsafe spouse to the Lord but they refuse and they say I want a divorce and there's there's no way that they're reconciling or wanting to Paul said well let him let him go and so finally verse 10 in the house of disciples asked him again about the same matter and he said to them whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her and if a woman divorces her husband and marries another she commits adultery so Jesus in this passage you might not see this is elevating the status of women because he gave her equal rights in such cases the Old Testament doesn't speak of a man committing adultery against his wife it speaks of him committing adultery against another married man by seducing his wife so the wife's unfaithfulness constitutes adultery but the husband could not be said to be guilty of adultery against his wife so if a man divorces a woman for unbiblical reasons he commits adultery by remarrying if the woman deserts her husband to marry another man she commits adultery and so Jesus actually elevated the status of the women by giving to them grounds for divorce which he didn't have before one last thing and then we'll close I had a dinner just this last week a young pastor and his wife had invited Marie and me to go out for dinner and I said well that'd be a blessing if you pay so of course I didn't say that but so we we love them and we went out with them and had dinner and we were talking about ministry that's what pastors do even over dinner and he's much younger than I as we're visiting and all I said to him this we're talking now make this short and close but I said to him the one thing that you need to cultivate as a younger man is not simply your ability to communicate because that's something that comes at time and you can you can hone your speaking skill that's something you can learn to do speaking is something you can learn to do and presenting bible is something but the thing that you need to concentrate on I was sharing with this young young brother is this your character because if you don't live out what you give out even if the word is true you'll be found a liar so the thing you need to concentrate on is your character and you need to realize that God is still forming it but you have to make a decision that there are things that are more important than the things that you feel are important right now and so there are things that you need to seek that will help you to be a better man a better husband better father better pastor and so cultivate your character and cultivate your marriage and live in hope live with hope and then I shared with them something that I've shared in this church I'm open about it some referred perhaps some are new maybe watching online you don't know who I am or anything like that I'll share it briefly but this is how I began to form and I'll close with this by saying this yes Marie came to my bible study yes I began to date her she got saved I began to date her we got married I was still young in the Lord I was only a few years old at the most in Christ when I met her I was little over three and a half years old in Christ two of those years had been spent in the army I hadn't had opportunity to be discipled mentored or anything I was still really young plus I had given up several years of my young life to alcohol and drugs and when anybody here knows when you begin to take drugs and drink when you're young in your early teens you don't mature you don't grow up you stay young you don't go through life the way others do because you're so drunk and I was I was a real boozer and a real dope right I that's what I did so I didn't grow up at all didn't have jobs didn't have relationships all I did was especially when I was 17 18 19 and 20 is drop drugs and drink that's what I did I didn't grow up didn't hold jobs or anything like that I get saved to go in the army I come out I'm still struggling with alcohol but I want to serve God I wasn't drinking all the time but on occasion I was sorely tempted to now I'm married Murray and I are married I'm living in Roland Heights in a very small apartment we have two two cars that that I can hardly keep on the road because I'm making minimum wage I had to quit school because I was going to school to to to to a Bible college to Biola I wanted to be a pastor but I had to drop out Marie is pregnant with my daughter Corinne we have a one of those beds that are those sofa beds that you pull out of the out of the the couch you know and it's it's just it's that's what I brought into my marriage I did I had a desk I had a table downstairs I had couch that we bought for $10 and it had a spring that was loose in the sea so we had to put something over it so that it wouldn't poke us when we sat down it was just it was something you throw away but we bought it for $10 I had a 13 inch TV set and I had a dinette and that was it nothing and now I have to quit quit school and I'm making working part-time and Marie is working full time and she's pregnant with our first baby and I couldn't take it anymore I couldn't take it anymore I had gotten to the point where I said I so I went to the store and I bought some beer and I brought it home and I went into my into the front room she was making dinner for me and I was I drank and I went and bought some more she'd never seen me do something like that she had come to faith in Christ through me and she's watching me and she's cooking I could still see her face and she's looking at me and I'm just so finally I started getting high get a little drunk and I just got up and I walked up we had this staircase of a walked up I went into my room and I closed the door it was just a bit open just a crack open and I sat on the on this little sofa bed and and I grabbed the pillow and I put it over my face and I started to cry sobbing like a child crying my heart out weeping and weeping and I had the pillow over my face I didn't want it to hear me because I didn't cry in front of people I didn't cry at all and here I am blubbering like a baby because for me the alcohol gave me an excuse I could say oh you know I was a little high so that's why I showed and I hear this her footsteps going up this terrace coming towards me and I put the pillow I still remember putting it further over my face and and rocking and she opens the door and there's my little pregnant wife looking at me what's wrong and she comes and sits on this cheap bed next to me and I I was crying so hard I could hardly speak and I said you made a mistake you married the wrong man you deserve so much more I want to be a pastor but look at me I don't have a good job I had to quit school I'm living in this lousy apartment minimum wage relying on you and I lost it and I cried like a baby I was just rocking and Marie sitting next to me she looks at me and she took her arm she was just a young girl I call her my little girl she was young she grabbed me and pulled me and put my head on her shoulder and began to rock me like a child and she says you're not a failure God is going to use you I believe in you God is going to use you and God she had every reason to see me for what I really am a loser but she saw me with the eyes of love and faith and I stand here today passering this church for almost 41 years because of the grace of God that was shown to me by a good wife who believes in me so I have nothing else to say other than this love one another live in hope trust God patiently expect him to move pray for each other believe the best hold fast and watch what God can do watch what God can do he can do abundantly above all you could ask or think if you just die because when I died to myself that day what I became is all the grace of God but the love of a woman the love of my woman the love of Marie she could have had so many others she wanted me so I decided I'm going to be the best man I can ever be for this woman I will want to be her hero I will be her pastor I will be a good father to our babies and a good grandfather to the ones that will come and I did that because I knew my call but she didn't judge me she didn't make me feel like dirt she could have she just said I believe in you and God is going to use you and maybe somebody right now needs to hear that God is going to use you turn to him and watch what he can do father we ask that