 My name is Vanessa Corten. I'm a third-year PhD student in the School of Mechanical Engineering. I am a black engineer. What has my experience been like since I've been at Purdue? So when I started in fall 2018, the word that comes to my mind is isolated. I remember when I was walking to one of the classrooms and Wilmuth the Active Learning Center, there's over like 300, I think there's over like 300 seats and as students poured in, no one sat near me. And then when I thought someone was actually gonna sit next to me, they got up and sat behind me and I'm like, hmm, it's different. When I walked in the mechanical engineering building, I used to hate it because anytime I walked in I was always walking by myself and people were just looking at me like, are you lost? Do you belong here? Like, what like I looked like a stranger. And I just remember just wondering like, is this what my grad school experience is gonna be like and is it worth it? And so I figured out like I need to do something different. I need to find community. I need to find someone I can talk to because when you're in a place where you're used to seeing black people or you're used to seeing diverse people and then you come to a city where you don't see a lot of diversity, but then also when you're the only one in your department at the time, it's very isolating. And so with that, there were a lot of moments I cried. There's a lot of moments I wanted to give up. It was a lot. I won't lie. It was a lot. And then especially since I came, I came from industry. So I worked in Soklin, Russia, so I've dealt with some isolation before. But I think just being in grad school where you're dealing with isolation, but then I also felt behind because I'm like I haven't seen school stuff in like over five years. So who can I ask for help? And I didn't know if I was gonna make it and then you have I know that okay I have to take these qualifying exams in the next year. So I'm like, oh gosh, how am I going to study for that? And how am I going to get through this program? And is it worth is it even worth it? But I'm happy to say my experience has changed since I've been at Purdue. And that's a lot due to my advisor, my faculty mentors and my community support. And so one thing I will say about my advisor, my advisor is Professor Ilias Billionis and he has made the biggest I would not be this far without him his support. Since I came into Purdue, if I had a question about anything, he would let me freely ask. He never made me feel dumb. He never made me feel stupid. He never made me feel slow. He would just tell me like, Vanessa, you got to be patient. Like you're going to get it. You're going to get it. Just be patient. If there's something that frustrated me, like I remember working on a math problem and I was like, I don't get it. Like, what are you thinking to get this? He was really calm. He was just like, it's OK. So he's like, this is how I'm looking at it. And once I saw that, I was like, OK, this is the way I should look at the problem. And so he really just helped me feel comfortable to learn because I was very frustrated and I couldn't like I couldn't talk to my peers because everyone would act like, oh, they already know what's going on. So I didn't want to be the student like slowing other people down or I didn't want others to think like, oh, well, she doesn't know what she's doing. How come she's here? Like, why is she here? So I really didn't talk to a lot of my peers about my academic struggles, but my advisor was really open and so I was able to ask some questions and that helped build my confidence. The other thing I would say is that when I did start at Purdue, since it was a while since I've looked at school material, I wasn't I was planning to take the thermo qualifying exam. And I remember I loved to thermo and undergrad, but I'm like, when I took thermo, it was probably like nine years ago. So I was like, OK, I kind of need to get in the mix. Like, remember what thermo was like, and I didn't want to just get a book and just start working out problems. I was like, no, I need to be structured. I need to I need to have some type of structure. And so I remember asking my advisor, like, hey, is it OK if I audit the undergrad thermo classes? That way I could just be familiar with the material and then I'm going to be following the syllabus. So I know like what they're teaching at Purdue and he was like, yeah, that's perfectly fine. And so I remember talking to the thermo professor. Her name was Professor Hess. And she it was cool because she let me audit her class. She even let me like like I could sit wherever I want to. So as long as I'm not distracting or anything. And what was cool about her that I really appreciate is that she had the same experience. She worked in industry, then decided to come back to academia and to teach. And I was like, that's really neat because that's something I want to do. And so throughout her thermo class, I was just like it was reassuring to me because I'm like stuff that I learned nine years ago that I really enjoyed. I still was able to remember it. I still know what to do. And I was like, OK, this is it. Like you're not dumb. Like you like engineering. Like this is for you. And so that helped build my confidence. And one of the other things I really liked is that when one of my classes may have conflicted with a research meeting, my advisor would be like, oh, we just need to switch the meeting time. And he would never make it like, oh, we have to switch the meeting time because Vanessa has taken thermo to do. He never did it. He would just be like, we switch the meeting time and that's it. He never explained anything. So I really appreciate that. Just keeping that private because I think for me, I compare to myself a lot to my peers and that's one of the things he's told me like, don't compare yourself. Like your journey is different. It's not going to be like anyone else's. And so that's one thing I've been trying to do since I've been in grad school and I really do appreciate my advisor for that is just letting me be me, not comparing me to any of his other students and then helping me to remember like, be patient. Your grad experience is your experience and it's going to be awesome. The other thing I would say is my faculty mentors. So Dr. Professor Tahira Reed Smith, she's in the School of Mechanical Engineering also. And so when I found out about her, I was like, oh, my gosh, there's another black woman here. So it was really cool. And so I remember going to her office and I was like, is it OK if I come and talk to you like bi-weekly? Just how things are going? How should I be progressing? Just getting feedback, advice. If I feel like I'm going through anything like, is it OK if I come and talk to you in your office? And she's like, that's perfectly fine. So I love that I always had like one hour meetings with her bi-weekly and I could talk about anything and I just felt comfortable. And I was just like, you know, some of the things I'm struggling with, like with this feeling like I don't belong and like, do I understand what this is like? I know I graduated with a mechanical engineering degree, but I feel like I don't know anything. She kind of helped me figure out that some of that is due to imposter syndrome where you just feel like you're a fraud. And that's how I felt my first year at grad school. And I was scared that I was going to be found out or that when it came to the qualifying exams, I wasn't going to pass. And then everybody would know like, this girl doesn't know what she's doing. So she helped me navigate that. She helped me realize that what I was experiencing was normal. I think she also helped me realize that for me as a woman of color, that what I was experiencing sometimes it may just seem like a lot heavier because I'm also thinking about other women of color who may come behind me like, what is their experience going to be like? And I want them to have a good experience at Purdue because I want to have a good experience at Purdue. And so she helped me navigate that. When I was interested in applying for fellowships, she was really supportive. She helped me like critique my stuff before I even sent it to my advisor because I'm kind of like, I may be a little bit of a perfectionist. And so I would always want someone else to read it that I know that would give me honest feedback to and just like have an edited version and then send it to my advisor, which I trust him because he does give me good feedback and he's always very honest. So I just liked having that. Then the other thing I would say is my other my student community outside of engineering. So I joined the Black Graduate Student Association. And so with that, I was able to meet other black people that were not engineers and then that some were with that. I just kind of it was nice to be able to know that at least once a week, I had a mentor who would meet with me every week and I would see another black student every week. So I was like, oh, this is cool. The other thing that I joined was the minority engineering program. And I think I started becoming more active in my second year after I took second year after I took my qualifying exams. At first, I didn't I guess the office was a little far, so I won't lie. But once I actually started getting involved in the minority engineering program, going to the social events, I saw like another community of engineers that I really love to be a part of. And so with that, I just continue to focus my efforts there. And then with outreach events, being able to go out into the community, we were able to go to like Indianapolis and help like students there. And it was so cool because I remember parents were talking to me like, oh, my gosh, you're at Purdue. Like, how is it? Like, what can I do to prepare my child? And I'm like, you're doing it right now. Like you're helping them get the skills that they need to be successful. And these are the programs that I wish I was able to be a part of when I was younger, because I think it may have built my confidence more before coming to grad school. But I'm so glad that they're there now. So that other students, hopefully their experiences will be better. What I think Purdue can do better at, I'm going to use my mentors, my support and my faculty as an example. One thing I think my advisor has done amazingly well is he does not compare his students. And I think that's the biggest thing for minorities, because we're always taught that we have to be twice as good as anybody else. So even when we're like working with other people, it may be difficult because if we see that we're not as good or we think we're not as good, then we're automatically just harsher on ourselves. We're like our worst critics. And so for my advisor to never compare me with any of his other students, I think that's the biggest thing that I would recommend for faculty mentors. Like real, recognize that your students' experiences are different when they go outside of your office. You don't know what they're dealing with. You don't know what they're facing with. So just remember, like, don't compare them to somebody else. Like saying stuff like, oh, well, this person works this hard. Like that doesn't help anybody. So that's the first thing I would recommend. The second thing I really like that my advisor has done that I've noticed is that, I guess, I mean, I'm a Black woman. I get braids. I changed my hair up once in a while, and he never just did this. Like, oh, my gosh, your hair is totally dead. It's just like he just is like that's who she is. It is what it is. Like he just let me be. And so I really like that because there's been times where I've gotten like I got my braids and then like I'll have people like ask like, oh, can I come touch your hair? And I'm like, why? Like, does anyone like I just didn't get it. And I've heard stories about that, but I was it was really shocking when people would actually ask me. And I'm like, no, like, I don't know where your hands have been. Like, why would you ask to touch my hair? So I'm just like, look at black hair is just like it's a different style. And that's how it is. The other thing I would recommend is for faculty members, like some of that have let me under audit their classes. And then even after I audit their class, they would let me I would be able to ask them questions during their office hours. And they were just very receptive and very helpful. And they didn't make me feel dumb or anything. And I think that's one of the biggest things is that, you know, we're grad students, we're here to learn and we're learning from experts. So I know that experts, you know, it may be a while. It may have been a while since you've been in the learning phase, but kind of remember that these students are learning and they want to learn. So if they ask a question, like there doesn't need to be any eye rolling. There doesn't need to be like this silent. Like, why are you asking this question? Like, you should know this, I think if faculty members can eliminate that, I think it will help the students actually want to ask the questions. So that way we can get the experience that we want and be able to learn. Because after all, I noticed that I want to be, if I'm a future advisor, I want to emulate my current advisor because from him, I know that I've had a great grad experience, even with all my low moments. And I can't say that for all of my other peers, even peers that don't go to Purdue. So that's one of the things I would really hearken on that faculty members can improve on. The other thing I would recommend is that I've noticed that there's like training that maybe some faculty members go through to have like a safe zone for like LGBTQ people. So I was wondering if there's possibly a training that they can do for faculty members like anti-racism or cultural awareness specifically towards black students. So maybe they have a monogram that shows like, OK, this is a safe zone where you can talk in, because I didn't I don't know why my advisor is the way he is. But for him, being like that, it definitely has helped me with my grad experience. And I wish like other students could have like someone else that they could talk to who's in a faculty role that they can feel comfortable with and just know that, hey, this is a safe place, like you're fine. If you want to come vet, like if you have any questions, like you can definitely ask. And so those are the things that I would recommend to be a black engineer. It's it's almost like a me and my friends talk about this. It's a line of you're super excited, but then you also feel a burden and a weight. The burden and the weight is because you want other black engineers to be there. But then the other weight is that you know what it. You know, the experience you you kind of question, is it worth going through the experience to become a black engineer with all the I would say emotional things that can happen that you're not aware of. The isolation that you may feel the lack of support you may have. You may just you kind of weigh your options, like is it worth to do this or should I just do something else? And so I still don't know the answer. I still like try to say I still encourage everyone to become an engineer because I'm like being an engineer is awesome. And yes, you will have your hurdles, but finding ways where you can get support, where you can build community. And then I think for me, being coming in engineer also brings some type of freedom. At least for my case, I was just like becoming an engineer. Like I was able to be financially stable. I was able to work at a great company where I got these amazing opportunities to work overseas. So having those experiences have really shaped they've really shaped my life. And it shapes how like I am a pursuit grad school, because now when I'm in grad school, I'm more assertive. I'm more like, OK, if there's an opportunity, let me apply for it. Let me see if I can get that. That's one of the things that I do like about engineering. I feel like it does can bring a sense of freedom. I also think one thing I've learned is that becoming your own boss in a way or your own entrepreneur. There's I feel like with research, you're learning how to you learn. You're basically becoming an entrepreneur because you have to set your schedule. You have to know when you're going to lab. You have to know how to push through work, even when it may not be going great or when you don't feel good. And so these are all skills that I think outside grad school that is very useful because if there's days where I'm just like, OK, well, if I want to build a company, if I want to start a product, OK, I have this idea, but then when I make it, it fails. Someone may be like, OK, I'm just going to leave it and you're like, no, I'm an engineer. We got to figure out what's what's making this problem fail. Like, how can I fix this? What's the solution to this? And so one of the things I like about engineering, it makes you creative. It makes you kind of think outside the box where you're like, OK, something failed, but then once it worked, you're like super excited. And so even me, like when I think about things that I struggled with or I didn't understand, as soon as like the light came on, I was like, oh, my gosh, this was so worth it. Like, I'm totally glad I did this. So I definitely think like being an engineer has its, you know, it can have its low moments, but it definitely has a lot of positive moments and I still encourage students, hey, if you like engineering or if you think you may like it, like definitely try it out. And I think it's going to like it's awesome. I would totally recommend it. OK, so prior to Purdue, I went to HBCU. I went to Prairie View A&M University in Prairie View, Texas. And being at HBCU, like there's black people everywhere. You're just like, oh, my gosh, like I finally feel like I'm in a place where I'm not hiding myself. I can be myself authentically. I can change my hair and like no one cares. So it was a really nice experience because it's just like you feel proud to be an engineer because you're like, there's all these other black engineers were working together, we're studying together, like everyone's helping each other out. Like even if there's someone you may not even get along with, you'll find yourselves working together because you're like, we both need to graduate and we're both in the same class. So hey, let's help each other out. And one thing I did like about is the classes were really small. So some of my classes maybe may have had 30 students, maybe 25. And your professors were really invested in you. Like they checked on you all the time. I remember one of my professors, like I didn't show up the class because I was like actually feeling sick. And so my friend was like, Dr. Bonnie's looking for you like, are you okay? He wants to know where you are. Like I need to give him an update. And I was like, okay, just tell him I'm sick. Like I'm coming to class. She's like, no, he wants to hear from you. He said, call his office number. So I called him. I'm like, he's like, hey, you weren't in thermo today. Like it's everything okay. Just want to make sure you're good. I was like, oh yeah, I'm not feeling good. That's why I wasn't in class. He's like, okay, cool. You know, just let me know if there's anything you missed. I'll share that material with you. And I was like, okay, cool. One thing I also liked about is I remember like going to like office hours, especially thermo, cause I really do love thermo. It's really crazy cause a lot of people don't, but I really love thermo. And I remember I got like a question wrong and I was like, why? Like how did I get this wrong? So I remember going to my professor's office hours and I was like, hey, I don't understand what like, how did I mess this up? Like I know what I'm doing. And so I was like talking to him through it. And he was like, oh no, look at what table you're looking at. I was like, I missed the cause of the wrong table. Like what? So I really just kind of enjoyed that when I need help or like if I just ask questions, I felt free to ask questions. And so it's crazy cause it's like you're in an HBCU and I did internships. So I know that the world is not going to be like what it is at HBCU. So I felt that my internships would prepare me for coming to a PWI. And it was totally not. Even with the internship experience, even working in industry prior to coming to, prior to coming to Purdue, I worked for ExxonMobil in Socklin, Russia. And so there I was just one of only black people and a black female engineer. And with that, I was like, okay, that should be enough experience to prepare me for a PWI. And unfortunately that wasn't the case. What I dealt with there and what I dealt with here, I feel like grad school is just, it's a whole nother animal. It's definitely the mind part, the emotional part. It's just so difficult cause for me it's just like, okay, I had a career before I put myself here. Do I really need to be here? Like I could go back into industry, make more money and actually have a life. Hang out with my friends. I don't have to be suffering immensely. I don't have to be tired. If I don't get this, it's like, it doesn't matter. So it was very interesting that everybody would like, even some of my friends would be like, oh, well you lived in Russia. Like you worked in Russia. You were isolated and you were okay. So why is grad school any different? And it's just kind of like the other underlying factors that you don't think about is just like the imposter syndrome or do you have support? Do you have the help that you need? Because when I was working in industry, I already know what I needed to know. I had like, I already had the technical expertise so I could learn on my own. I could do everything I needed to. I could work with third party engineers to figure out how to do stuff. But in grad school it's literally like, you are here by yourself and you're trying to learn. And then when you don't see anybody else who looks like you, it's just like, how am I able to learn? Who can I trust to learn from? If I do ask a question, is someone gonna get frustrated or be like, oh my gosh, I can't help you. You're too far behind. And so those were the biggest differences that I noticed. And the one thing I did that my advisor did was that he helped me see that, okay, this is the experience that you have. Yeah, right now you may not know nothing but he's like, give it a year, give it a two years. Like you'll see you're gonna learn so much more than you could have possibly ever imagined. And he was really right. It was just me having to become patient with myself. Trust the process. Like that's the biggest thing I've learned about grad school, it's your journey. Trust it. And when you trust it and you give it, like I would always tell myself like, okay, especially days that I hate. And I was like, I don't wanna go to class. I don't wanna do this. I would be like, hey, let's get up. We're gonna learn one new thing today. We're gonna learn something new. And you know, maybe in a couple of months you'll actually get it. And that's what I started doing. I started giving myself grace. And I was learning that, hey, there's things like I did not know two years ago that I know now. Like one of the things I'm not gonna lie that I'm really excited about is that I know how to code now. I'm like learning how to program. And I remember I didn't program much in like college. Like we did like Excel, Fortran and stuff like that. But coming to grad school, I had no program experience of Python. And I was just struggling because I was like, I know I need to know this in order to graduate, to do my research and all that stuff. And now this semester I'm like, oh my gosh, like I actually know how to program. Like I was even able to do like a workshop where I can teach other students how to program. And it was crazy because I was talking to my friends. I was like, y'all, this summer, cool. And so it just reminded me like you gotta be patient with this process. It's grueling, but I know that I'm gonna become a better person out of it. Then the other thing I would recommend, if Purdue wants to like improve diversity and inclusion like recruit at HBCUs. You have a lot of grad students who come from HBCU backgrounds and they're very successful here. So that just show you that HBCUs are preparing their students to make it in your program, to do well in your program, to thrive in your program. So start recruiting there. You can take grad students back to the schools that they actually came from where they can go talk to students like, hey, this is where I graduated from. I'm an alumni here and now I'm at Purdue. I'm doing like my PhD, I'm doing my masters. This is the opportunities I was able to get through. Like you can do it too. And I think if you start building that pipeline, that program, you're gonna get a lot of quality students and you'll be impressed of how like this, I think you can make a different, a bigger change in mechanical engineering. Because the fact that NSBE was founded here, I think that is also something that should encourage university like, hey, we need to make sure that we're actually recruiting black engineers because we are gonna be your future alumni. We're gonna be future black scholars. And I know it would be like, at least when I graduate, I'm gonna be proud to say that, hey, I graduate with my PhD from Purdue University.