 Brooke, starring Eve Arden. Romances have started between faculty members teaching at the same school. But for our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School, romance is a problem. It's really two problems. Problem number one is the object of my affections, Mr. Philip Boynton, biology teacher. He's so bashful, he won't even shave himself unless he's wearing a tie. And problem number two is the strict anti-fratenization rule laid down by Madison's beloved principal, Osgood Conklin. Of course, Mr. Boynton devised a very effective method of getting around this rule. He suggested that we stop seeing each other entirely. However, I immediately used my power of veto. And before he could take it to the General Assembly, we convened for two dates away from the school. The last date occurred on Wednesday night. And Thursday morning at breakfast, my landlady asked for details. Now tell me everything that happened last night, Connie. We went to a movie, Mrs. Davis. And? And we came home. And fold up your program. The recital is over. Pass the cream, please. But what did Mr. Boynton say? What did he do? Nothing. Nothing. Pass the cream. I can't understand that man. Here he has date after date with a girl who's intelligent, attractive, wholesome, chic. Chic? Charming? And what does he do about it? Nothing. Pass the cream. Oh, it's not that he isn't fond of me, Mrs. Davis, but he's been worried lately about someone very near and dear to him. A relative? Yes, his pet frog, McDougal. It seems with the cold weather coming on, Mac is very prone to laryngitis. And there are no heating facilities for the cages. The least the school should do is put some heating equipment in there. Why doesn't Mr. Boynton ask Mr. Conklin for it? Because Mr. Boynton is almost as terrified of Mr. Conklin as he is of me. He wouldn't dare ask him for anything. Then you've got to do it, Connie. Don't you see? If you get the things that he needs, Mr. Boynton won't be so preoccupied and worried when he's out on dates with you. Well, it's worth a try, I guess. Now, if I can remember where I left it, I'll put my face on and get ready for Walter Denton. He's driving me to school again. You mean your car is still in the repair shop? Yes, the mechanic called yesterday and said it would take a bit longer this time. It seems they're having a little trouble with the motor. What kind of trouble? They've misplaced it. I'm glad you picked me up early today, Walter. I've got to stop in Mr. Conklin's office before my first class. Oh, what a depressing way to start off the day. I'm glad I don't have to see our beloved principal this morning. I'm low enough already. Low? Yeah, I feel gloomier than a school teacher's personality. The present company accepted, of course. Of course. What's the reason for your blue mood? Did Harriet Conklin give you the go-by? Oh, no, ma'am. No, Harriet and I are still an item. It's stretched snodgrass who's praying on my mind. Maybe that's because he hasn't got one of his own. I know he's never been exactly a beacon of brilliance scholastically, Ms. Brooks, but on that gridiron, he's always been a tower of strength. Up to last week, that is. What happened last week? Well, you saw the game last Saturday. Didn't you see what he did? Sure. He picked up a fumble and ran 85 yards with it. Of course, I couldn't quite figure out why I was the only one in my section who was cheering. He ran the wrong way. Beatus, on that one numbskull play. Now, if Stretch doesn't perk up, we'll lose our big game to Clay City next week. What do you think is the cause of this change, Walter? I know what it is. The big goofs in love. In love? Yeah, and the trouble is he won't tell anybody who the girl is. Oh, wait a minute. You know, he's very fond of you, Ms. Brooks. Maybe you could straighten him out. You know, have a talk with him. I'd like to help, Walter, but I've got a more pressing problem this morning. That's why I'm going straight to Mr. Conklin's office. Well, what could possibly be more pressing than Madison's winning the Battle of the Year? My winning the Battle of Boynton's Lab. Why are you so despondent? Because of our coach's report on snodgrass, that's why. He's been playing abominably, and the coach knows the reason. The big moose is in love. In love? Oh, but isn't there something we can do, Daddy? If there were, I'd be doing it. You don't think I want to lose this game to Jason Brill's play city nincompoops, do you? No, I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. The nincompoops do you? Well, of course not, Daddy. I know Mr. Brill's your arch-rival. He's worse than that. He's, he's, he's you. Just no way out. There's no way I could possibly feel any worse than I do right now. Have you thought of Ms. Brooks, Daddy? You have just shown me a way. Well, Ms. Brooks might be able to help. If there's one person in this school whom Stretch admires and respects, it's her. Maybe she could pull him out of his doldrums. You might have something there at that. As soon as she gets to school, I can come in. Pardon me, Mr. Conklin. If you're busy, I'll come back later. Not at all, Miss Brooks. Harriet was just leaving for a class run-along time. OK, Daddy. See you later, Miss Brooks. Goodbye, Harriet. Sit down. Sit down, won't you? Over here by my desk, that's the most comfortable chair. Maybe you don't know who I am, sir. It's Miss Brooks. I knew it's Miss Brooks, and I'm delighted that you dropped in to see me this morning. You are? Well, then it won't be so difficult to ask a favor. You want a favor of me, Miss Brooks? Yes, I do, sir. Oh, now isn't that a coincidence? I want a favor of you. One hand washes the other, eh? That's as good a way as any to get them both clean. What is your favor, Mr. Conklin? Well, as you know, Madison's big football game with Clay City is to be played next week. Yes, sir. You are also aware of my intense rivalry with Jason Brill, their principal. Yes, sir, but what do you want of me, Mr. Conklin? Well, it's very simple, Miss Brooks. Perhaps you've heard about snodgrass running the wrong way last Saturday. Now, you know that nobody with a half of brain could make a mistake like that twice, except perhaps snodgrass, and that idiot woman a few rows behind me who kept cheering him. Next Saturday, I'll keep my mouth shut. What do you think I can do about stretch, Mr. Conklin? Well, you may be able to straighten him out. You see, Miss Brooks, he's been even worse in practice this week than in that game last Saturday, and the coach seems to think it's because he's in love. That's what Walter Denton thinks, too. Does Denton know with whom? No, sir, nobody does. Exactly. And that's where you come in. In his lame-brained dunce-like way, snodgrass admires you greatly. He has his reasons, I'm sure. We lame-brained dunces are pretty clannish. I meant, whilst you seem to be the logical person to find out just what little baggage is turning snodgrass's head. And I use the word, advisedly. And if I find out what then? Then your natural feminine instincts will come to the fore. And you will devise some way to circumvent the activities of the aforementioned bit of baggage. Now then, what is the favor you seek? Well, Mr. Boynton needs some new equipment for the biology lab, and he's too timid to ask for it. He shall have it. What kind of equipment? Or some heating facilities, for one thing, and more comfortable cages for his frogs and guinea pigs. It's done. Anything else? Else? Well, now that you mention it, I could use the new desk and some new window shades in my room. I also would like to have it painted a nice, cheerful shade of green. And, Miss Brooks, you are speaking with Osgood Conklin, not the aga card. Well, if that is the way you feel about it, sir, maybe stretching his girl should be left alone. After all, I know. A nice, cheerful shade of green it is. Now, you're sure you know what to do, Miss Brooks. Leave it to me, Mr. Conklin. When I get through with him, Stretch will not only check his baggage, he won't call for her for 30 days. The advantage of a free period I had right before lunch and sought out Madison's moon-eyed mastodon, Stretch Snotgrass. I found him near the water fountain in the hall. He was slouching against the wall and seemed half asleep. But when I approached him, he snapped to attention. Mm, hi. Hello, Stretch. I hope I'm not keeping you up. I mean, I hope I'm not keeping you from any of your classes. But I would like to talk to you for a few minutes. Well, you ain't keeping me from not the Miss Brooks. French classes are the place which I'm supposed to have been at pretty soon from now. But my French can wait. At least until your English catches up. Stretch, what I wanted to talk to you about was your football playing. You know yourself that you're not playing as well as you used to. And a lot of your friends around here are beginning to worry about it. Why should they worry? Gosh, just because I don't play over my head in every game, everybody gets all upset. This season's been nothing but practice, practice, practice. A guy can't go on like that with just all work and no play. After all, I ain't no automatron. No automatron? You know, a mechanical man. The kind they call a Robert. Besides, a little relax and never hurt nobody. Stretch, why should a young boy like yourself be yawning in the middle of the morning? I'm tired. Couldn't have thought of a better answer if I'd tried all day. For a new girlfriend, thanks for relaxing is good for me. She won't even let me quit rumpering and take her home till one in the morning. It's been going on like that for the last two weeks. Who is this new girlfriend, Stretch? Oh, no, you don't. No, I don't what? You don't get Judy's name out of me. I promise to keep it a secret. Well, that's your privilege. If you don't want me to know Judy's name, I'm not going to know Judy's name. That's all there is to that. Judy what? Gosh, I didn't even want that part of her name to get out, but it just slipped. Well, look, Miss Brooks, you wouldn't want me to break a promise, would you? Fervently. Listen, Stretch, even if you enjoy all this rumpering, don't your girl's parents object to these late hours every night? Well, I'm sure they don't. How can you be so sure? Her old man gives me the money to take her out. He's not like our principal. Mr. Brill's a real good sport. Stretch, you mean to tell me you've been taking out Judy Brill? How do you know? A little bird brain told me. I can't wait to see Mr. Conklin's reaction to this bit of news. Gosh, Miss Brooks, you're not going to tell Mr. Conklin, are you? Not yet, Stretch. Out of consideration for his family, there's something I've got to find out first. What's that? If his life insurance is paid up. Fire lunch, Mr. Boyden, but it couldn't be help. If we're going to get any favors from Mr. Conklin, we've got to straighten out Stretch's snog grass. Well, I'm glad you told me the story, Miss Brooks. Imagine Jason Brill putting his own daughter up to a trick like that. What kind of a girl is this Judy Brill, anyhow? Well, you know the expression, sweet 16 and never been kissed? Yes. When this kid reached 12, she was ineligible. I met her last summer, Mr. Boyden. Judy Brill is quite a little firebrand. She's at an age now where she considers all males fair game. There's an age? This boy's been learning biology as well as teaching it. Look, Mr. Boyden, when I found out that Stretch was going with Jason Brill's daughter, I devised a plan. We're going to beat Jason Brill at his own game. All we have to do is to get Stretch to think that Judy's just a flirt and he'll lose all interest in her. But how do we do that? By letting Stretch catch her on a date with some other boy. What other boy? Walter Denton. Walter Denton? Did I hear somebody mention my name? Oh, you're just in time, Walter. Sit down, please. Mr. Boyden and I would like to talk to you. OK. Have you thought of any way to get Stretch's mind off the mystery woman and back on his football game, Ms. Brooks? Yes, Walter. I thought of a dilly of a plan. But it requires some cooperation from you. We should all do whatever we can, Walter. This is a crisis. Well, yeah, but what can I do? He won't even tell me the name of this chick. The name of the chick is Judy Brill. And her father's been paying all the expenses to keep Stretch out late every night, rumbering. Rumbering? Yes, rumbering. While the Clay City team is getting its rest, Judy Brill is keeping our star players backfield in motion. What kind of a boy Stretch is? And if we can arrange to have him catch Judy with another boyfriend, I know he'll forget all about her. Not only forget about her, but it might make him so mad he'll go out on that field Saturday and play the game of his life. Say, that sounds like a swell idea. You know, of course, Stretch is boxing champ of Madison too, so it might not be so pleasant for the guy he catches with his girl. But that's a necessary risk, I guess. Who's the chump you've got lined up to be the patsy in this? The crude patsy, Walter. I thought that you'd be happy to volunteer for the job. Me? You want to see Madison beat Clay City, don't you? Well, sure I do, but will I have my bandages off in time? You've never seen Stretch fight. I have. Believe me, Walter, Mr. Boynton and I will make sure that Stretch doesn't lay a hand on you. He doesn't have to. He could kick me to death. Count me out, folks. Count you out, Orban. Walter, Stretch is a very dear friend of yours. You don't want to see him ruin his life, do you? Don't you see, Walter, this girl isn't right for Stretch. It isn't just a football game that's involved. It's a boy's future. But what about my future? What about your future? I want to be around when it gets here. Oh, Stretch has a terrible temper, and if he catches me making goo-goo eyes at his girl, he'll clobber me till I'm dismal. Besides, there's Harriet Conklin. You know, we're virtually betrothed. Now, what would she think if she heard I was out with another girl? She won't hear, Walter. And even if she does, we can always explain that you were just doing it for the good of your school. No, I'm sorry. No, I'd rather not take the chance. I'm surprised at you, Walter. Haven't you any sense of loyalty? Haven't you any school spirit? This whole thing won't take you more than half an hour. All you have to do is sit on the couch and put your arms around a little red-headed girl with big blue eyes, a cute little turned up nose, and an adorable mouth. I still think that if Stretch had an adorable mouth, nobody can say I haven't got any school spirit. What time and where? Make it 8 o'clock tonight at my place. I'll drop over to Clay City High this afternoon and tell Judy I'm thinking of accepting her father's invitation to join the faculty there next term. Then I'll invite her over to my place for dinner, ostensibly so I can ask some questions about my new pupil. But supposing she won't come. Oh, she'll be glad to come. Judy brills just a little girl. To be asked to dinner by a woman like Miss Brooks is quite flattering. After all, when you get right down to ages. When you get right down to ages, I'm almost twice as tall as Judy Brill. Part A of my plan worked perfectly, and that afternoon I persuaded Judy Brill to have dinner at my house. So at 8 o'clock that evening, we were in the living room, gabbing away like a couple of old, extremely young magpies. I'm sure glad you asked me over tonight, Miss Brooks. The dinner was wonderful, and I've enjoyed talking to you about your teaching at Clay City next term. I suppose you feel you should be out dancing stretches feet off, but you've still got three nights before the big game, and not seeing you tonight will only make him more anxious. You are so right. Men are such problems. They're just like children. You've got to play up to their ego and convince each one he's the only man in your life. Oh, but listen to me telling you about men. A sophisticated, charming woman like you. Tell the truth, how many men do you have dangling from a string? Just one, Judy, and he doesn't exactly dangle. He sort of bobs and weaves. As if I'd believe that about a woman like you, Miss Brooks. Oh, I wish I had your knowledge of men. Want to trade? It doesn't coincidence that Walter Denton dropped over, don't you think? He's an awfully cute boy. I'm glad you like him, Judy. By the way, where did he disappear to? I didn't disappear. She's on my lap. That's sweet. What a naive way to get acquainted. I'd better answer that. Mrs. Davis is in her sitting room down the hall. Want me to answer it? You sit right where you are, Walter. Yes, you sit right where you are, Walter. How can I help it? She hasn't budged off me since I said, how do you do, Miss Brooks? I'll get it. Well, here we are, Miss Brooks. Hello, Mr. Boynton. Come on in, Stretch. Thanks. Well, what brings you to this part of town, Stretch? I was just walking home when Mr. Boynton drove up alongside the curb in his car and stuck his head out of the window and said, hi, Stretch, just the fella I've been looking for. How about hopping in and going for a little ride over to Miss Brooks' place and having a glass of milk or something if you haven't got anything better to do? Now, I don't have nothing better to do, so I said, OK, Mr. Boynton, I'd like nothing better than to hop in and go over to Miss Brooks' place and have some milk or something. Have you got any? So that's what brings you to this part of town. Well, I'll give you some milk later, Stretch. There are some friends of yours in the living room. Come on in. Oh, pardon me, kids, but we've got company. Hi, Walter. I didn't know that you were here. What are you doing here? Miss Brooks invited me over to dinner, and then Walter just sort of dropped by. Sort of dropped by? Hold him, Miss Brooks. It's surrounded, Mr. Boynton. What's everybody so jumpy about? Well, aren't you sore at me for sitting here with your girl? Sore? Heck no, Walter. You're doing me a big favor. See, I got to thinking about what Miss Brooks said this morning, and I realize that I got to get a lot more sleep if I'm going to be any good in the game Saturday. But, Stretch, dear, you don't have to sleep so much. Sure I do. Oh, right, I don't appreciate what you and your dad done for me, Judy. And I certainly ain't mad about all that rumbering. It's just that for athletes, rumbering's not as good as slumbering. Now, Walter, if I may make a suggestion, I think you should drop Miss Brill off at the bus station. Well, what's this all about anyway? Is this some kind of a plot? Turnabout's fair play, Miss Brill. Yeah, and if you'll excuse me right now, I'll turnabout and hit the road. I'll excuse all of you right now. All but you, Mr. Boynton. Well, this is what I get for accepting the hospitality of a Madison hi-ite. Thank you, and good night, ight. Now, don't slam the door. Oh, come on, Stretch. The least we can do is drop her off at the bus station. Good night, Miss Brooks, Miss Boynton. Good night. Well, it's simmered down to just the two of us, Mr. Boynton. Let's sit down on the couch. All right. You know, Miss Brooks, in spite of the fact that I'm a biologist, I've never been overly observant about the emotional reactions of the people around me. You're not just beating your Bunsen burner, Boynton. That is, you have seemed a little preoccupied at times. I'll be that as it may. Your interest in the welfare of my little animals and the trouble you went to to see that I got proper heating facilities from my lab have made me realize just how much you care. Really, Mr. Boynton? Yes, indeed. And I want you to know that I care even more than you do. You care even more than I do? Yes. I've got $5 bet on that game Saturday. Well, here's $2.50. I'll take half your bet, and we'll set up housekeeping on the 40-yard line. And now a word from our star, Eve Arden. Well, we all had a wonderful time at the football game. It's starring Eve Arden, Tom Sprague, who's produced and directed by Laurie Burns, written by Arthur Orton, by Doug Bluskin, Mr. Franklin, who's played by Gail Gorton. Others in tonight's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Crenna, Bob Rockwell, Gloria McMillan, Leonard Smith, and Sandra Gould.