 So the plan is I think Dan's gonna kick us off. He's the the pro and And then we'll just you know Take volunteers after that. I know somebody was asking about sign-ups, but basically we'll just raise hands and Go from there So you won't kick it off. All right, let's do it. Don't need one. Just need to so I hope you all have been having a good time at OSS Summit North America Wanted to bring you all in here, but so before we get on with the rest of the day I've got to do the time-share pitch for customer support for contractors Now I'm sure the very first question that you're having right now is what kind of a contractor and I'm not gonna tell you because that makes This significantly more interesting Now when I was putting together my new app customer support for contractors, I was thinking to myself What is the key to success? What is gonna make this application really kind of drive my you know success metrics of money? Making me lots of money. You all need to buy me a boat That's my key to success is owning a boat and you are all gonna buy that for me now When we talk about buying a boat We really have to go back to 2013 Now I know many of you remember that 2013 was the year of the selfie literally everybody It was like a national epidemic where all you could do is just hold your phone in front of your face and heck Half our phones didn't even have front-facing cameras back then 2013 was the dark ages and I thought to myself, you know what? Somebody needs to fix this you know who fixes this contractors and contractors need customer support You see you know when contractors you go to contractors for help. This is what it looks like This is you know, I had a contractor wear a camera on their head While a bunch of people were screaming at them saying hey, you know Why isn't my porch done it shouldn't take six and a half years to install a fridge in my kitchen And it looked like this and it's it's pretty scary, especially the guy in the upper left-hand corner like we don't know what's up with him We think we reported them to the police And so when we looked at these like oh, there's this really really really good opportunity Not not not a great opportunity not a big opportunity but a huge opportunity I had a huge opportunity in front of myself to build this customer support and we worked with constant contact Because we listened to podcasts and they're the only system that we are aware of that existed Now we've gone through a lot of pivots Some of the pivots were not our best we were Big into the metaverse which you know, somebody may be thinking oh, that's not a bad pivot We were in the metaverse in about you know 2013 we were doing this in second life we were you know ten years too early and We allowed custom creation of avatars and we prefer not to talk about that time. It was a Pretty silly time We tried to do customer support on On the metaverse and you know if you think about the kind of person who calls a contractor Do you think they even know what a computer is? It's why they're calling a contractor So it's a pretty bad time. We tried to sell our services. We got laughed at a lot This is in fact a screenshot of an email that we received from one of our potential investors So we went through a series of layoffs after this bad pivot and we laid off our graphic designer Because I thought to myself I have a copy of PowerPoint from 1993 I can clearly get this done and I Think it's great And if you all want to leave this room alive you will tell me it looks great too um so We're at the end of this we fired everybody and you know what it's time to tear down silos I don't talk to myself and that hasn't been good for product development So we thought to myself tear down some silos went out to Topeka, Kansas and literally tore down some silos That didn't actually help anything. I don't know why anybody tells businesses to tear down silos It just leaves a mess and nowhere to store my grain Um But at the end of the day we have a customer sort for contractors and thank you all for attending my presentation And don't forget our app's name is It's just that motion right there So who wants to go next now that you know the other chaos that is power slides Claudia I'm so fucked music streams For pet owners, so imagine you know that moment that you have a pet and they love to talk to you You know bark a lot and meow meow meow meow and then you're like, okay You know we could make music out of this and then sing with your pets, but then I'm an owner and I have no idea What I'm doing here Oh my god, this is so hard You know that just forget about as to music stream for pet owners because it didn't work You know, I was yeah, it didn't work, you know Back for so, you know, I was dreaming with my pets and then I realized they were barking me You know, I was you know pitching that music is dreaming up for pet owners and then realize. Oh, no, I'm drowning and Nice bad boy, which is the name of my you know, my dog, you know, he's a jerk. He's Okay, I don't know if he does that but what the fuck? He has a scary face, you know, everybody I was asked what's wrong with your dog And I think that's why the reason he needs to listen some music to chill a little bit because you know He barks a lot But oh, he's not that okay, I didn't realize that so, you know This is a lion, you know, and you know, and he's eating lots So I think he needs to search some healthy options do some technological developments of his mental health, I guess make What Mr. Collaborate and you know Yes, and you know, and then the many black they just knocked my door and they were like what the fuck you're doing with your life and Yeah, and they won seven awards by doing that, I guess I don't even know how to mix up. No, that's that's too much Yeah, check your phone. Maybe there's something happening right now My new music streaming app just hit play store. So, you know, it can start, you know, listen to your pets singing, I guess Why you under the bed crying about life Fantastic, and you know after my music streaming I've been getting so successful, you know, they said, you know go to the moon, you know, and think about life with with horses and You know, I talked about Apollo 11 for some reason I have Don't forget or a name is please. I'm suffering Right. Oh, oh, we got a volunteer ready to roll. Let's go. Oh, I'm as ready as I'm gonna be Brunch organizing for yoga instructors. All right, as most of you know, my other hobby is a yoga instructor And I do like brunch as much as anyone else. So tomorrow morning 7am, we'll have brunch and then yoga It'll be super fun. And then we can do that in any town around the US or maybe in the world Organizing yoga instructors is like herding cats. It's almost as bad as organizing developers. It's pretty crazy but somehow we'll find food and and do some down dogs with that and And of course as both a yoga instructor and a computer person and a dinosaur fishing auto You can find this amazing history of computers raw and uncut on my YouTube channel where it shows up as commercials during my yoga videos I recorded during COVID. It's really amazing and now for the low price of 9.99 per month with your free with purchase of CD Whoo, I obviously have a lot of energy. It's only the eight cups of espresso Probably today that I've had Who's Blair singer? I don't remember who that is. He looks kind of like Tim Allen is he I don't know who is that guy? It's really strange. I don't know how he showed up in my slide deck about yoga because I don't think he could do a Down dog to save his life But his maybe he did some neck yoga with Standing like that. We'll see. Oh the octobus. This is the predator the octokit that github released This is the inspiration for that. It's a really cool animal. We try this pose during our yoga practice every day We don't quite achieve it because we only have two limbs instead of eight So it's a bit of a challenge But as you know in yoga you do things in your mind perfectly so in your mind You have eight limbs perfectly forming the octobus But even if you only have two real limbs in the real world not in the metaverse That the town I'm from is Gilbert and Gilbert is known for goat yoga And so goat yoga is a great way to connect between animals and your yoga practice and your brunch And you know if you're really hungry you can eat your goat after you do your yoga with your goat Have a lot of fun with your animals and have that nice communication between farm to food to table. Oh Wow, I Really like this. I hope you really like this talk I'm giving you like my yoga practices if you go to my channel and watch YouTube and watch some of my yoga Brunching then you can like it and I get a lot of followers and I can maybe get a nice hairdo like that back from the Early 90s. Is that the guy from is that the vampire movie? Which vampire movie is that? Yeah, that's pretty cool I don't know what vampires and yoga have to do with each other. I just thought this looked really really cool And obviously all these ideas are coming together to form this brilliant idea of yoga brunch vampires Down-dogging with Rick Astley style looks and nobody knows exactly why we're doing this What we're doing, but whenever you show a light bulb in a slide deck, obviously you win You're totally on top of it. You've got the best ideas and this is the like question mark in the old You know the answer before profit Well, no that is interesting I had chat GPT generate this for me earlier today And I said, could you take a really scary animal some random person wants to be shrunk and say how can we make something? That doesn't look like yoga at all But that might make sense as I'm rambling on here talking about Skyscrapers and I don't know what that has to do with yoga, but it's pretty cool So I think it's a pretty nice slide go chat GPT. Good job So, yes, yeah, I could make us look more human. Have you seen that the chat? Oh, that is hilarious. I knew that and chat GPT that which is why they put it on this slide for us This is amazing Anyway, video does make us look more human, but I mean in real life here together makes us feel 3d much more the video And thank you. What was my app's name? Yoga brunch something or another All right, thank you Very good very good All right, we're looking for another volunteer. Oh, would you raise your hand in the back? No, no, okay Oh Jory's in all right I hope to inspire you today with my my pitch for Car rentals for small business owners the most practical pitch that you're going to hear all day for sure because Small business owners need to get from point a to point b all of the time And what is a better way to do that than a bike by car, right? We all are taking ubers and lifts and all of that sort of thing But wouldn't it just be nice if you just had your own car that you could take? and To call your car to come to you. You're gonna just You're gonna do this new thing. It's called tweeting And you do that on some different digital apps You can also use The phone to to call the car and make a tweet and You should get let me get my My my nose pierced and and what we're gonna do is actually have our users all pierced their noses Similarly to what you see here on my nose And that's how users are gonna let each other know that they are all part of the small business car rental tweeting network And So one thing that you have to bear in mind about cars and nose piercings and tweets is that not everything that you read on the Internet is true, and I know that that is probably a big surprise to all of you because I for one only Tweet true things and I know that all of you also only would ever tweet something for real, right? You would never tweet something unfactual Um Speaking of facts which are very important to cover in tweets and I have tweeted this don't you worry? You can you can read this as well. There are people Who just are using Twitter like zombies and it's just kind of turning them like into like these drones And they're just like kind of sharing these things called memes around with each other and it's just like not okay and One of the questions that gets asked a lot on Twitter is whether Bigfoot and by the way, this is Bigfoot He is actually a trusted and loving family member. He is not dangerous at all So this is you know the kind of misinformation Frankly that can get shared online And but this is an example of non misinformation because this is true, right? He does this is a man. I think actually I should not I don't know what his pronouns are I'm sorry. That's rude, but he does have spiked hair And so if you tweeted that that would be okay because that is true And also he might need a car to rent from me so Some things that I can recommend to you about Cars and also tweeting and nose piercings Or is there some movies that you could check out that could tell you more like the secret about nose piercings and what the bleep do we know Twitter and this actually sucked So Sometimes when I just get fed up I just say, you know, just shrek it just shrek it You'll sit you know, I'll say that all the time and I think it's it really captures like How we're feeling right now in this post-pandemic world where we just need to get from point A to point B and Tweet about it and all of that and so that's I just you know, I think this is a great guide So thank you. Don't forget my apps name is shrek it You up next All right, very good Wes all right too much too much expectation Yeah, hi So my name is Wes I work on Java apps because I said yes to every recruiter email and that was all of what they offered But my real passion is actually horse boarding for robots So what I do in my side project here is I actually train AI robots to Board horses literally to climb on to the back You thought keep them like for the weekend, right? But no literally I taught the robots how to jump onto the horse and the last time they did that It really didn't work out. Well the the AI model was not very well trained it was version one and it got you know kicked by the horse I guess and Oh, and I wanted to say I build these slides Literally last minute and I think they all feel like they're about to explode So like sorry, they're Chicking away the time is ticking and I am definitely at my wits end with I'm sorry. It's it's gonna be an eminent end here for the AI robots They didn't it didn't really work out. Well, so I'm really trying And and I actually blame the fact that I initially tried to write this whole AI training in JavaScript I should have written it in TypeScript. It would have had zero bugs. It would have worked without any unit tests but I made the mistake and so now I'm Working with my friends at Facebook and Twitter and Myspace I Literally came over to a LAN party with my like keyboard around my neck for them to help me Write this app because I actually don't know TypeScript. So right like I'm trying to rewrite it and the whole thing is exploding And and this is what we looked like when we finally got it working We we we did this right and then we realized that was the key to the robots getting on the horse, right? So the key was that they had to have confidence like the skeleton. I Don't know. I can't even read that. It's blue on blue. Who made these slides? not me and And then and then honestly we said we need confidence and corn And if we have confidence and corn we can absolutely get these horses under control so that our AI trained robots can Bored them and the horses obviously said yes, I will have some corn Because who wouldn't want a nice beautiful Mario and I don't even know why Bowser and Mario there, but Right and so what we did with this whole experience is that we found life on another planet It was not what we expected to find it through this whole horse AI machine robots boarding situation But we did it because AI and machine learning will unlock Unlimited possibilities for you literally finding extra at terrestrial life at the end of the rainbows and and and my real message to you is just to believe in the things that you can burn to juba juba jush and and At all the unseen blessings and triumph in the world because British should the earth's building you are a And and this is and this is really what I learned because my my children my children Gave me this pros and cons list about myself And it really put things into perspective when I was trying to train these AI boarding horse things Is that I needed a hybrid framework to set a foundation with agile approaches and not unknown market adoption Because who really needs AI trained robots who can board horses anyway? so thank you and Don't forget to go download Horse I Very well done very well done All right, we're on a roll. We're on a roll who's who's out here who's wants the next turn No, no Ethan Ethan. All right. Oh boy Y'all are gonna get sold so hard All right. Oh my favorite topic. Okay guys, so I'm here to tell you today about this wonderful new invention I was working really really hard and I discovered centaurs exist. Now centaurs are unique They're just like cats. They're just like dogs. Just like humans They need their own tinder for online payments. And so I'm here to introduce my application Hinge for centaurs. I mean online payments for centaurs. Yes And so I discovered the centaurs on my latest trip to Naboo where the Gungans They were the ones who showed me the way to the centaurs these centaurs were very lonely creatures who really struggled to You know find a way to give each other money and so this is where the app had to come in and we started Okay, the people are always running centaurs are half people. I think so they're always running and they decided well If I'm running away from my problems and running to solutions Who am I giving my money to because money is the root of all evil money is the root of all problems So sometimes they push the people and they don't say excuse me or I'm sorry This app made sure that every time you make a transaction. It's immediately followed by I'm sorry While on this expedition me and the centaurs were frolicking through a field and all of a sudden a vampire showed up in this vampire promised Us unlimited knowledge this this vampire is actually the reason why we have this app He said oh your life is not fulfilled here. Let me show you how you can waste your money. Give it all to me This is just a song. Oh, those are facts And so it turns out that with our new companion the vampire as we're frolicking through this field together Sai the wonderful creator of Gangam style came on and decided to show us the way So not only will our app let you send your money and fulfill your didn't your largest desires But we'll play that song in the background simultaneously and it's true the centaurs are really sensitive this app is helping them further their progress in society and turn the manly manliest of men into the Sensitive being you see displayed here and this is why centaurs really needed this this this app So creationism Yeah, creationism centaurs they had to come from somewhere and it definitely was not evolution Yes, and as we said creationism the centaurs came from somewhere It was not evolution But the next natural step in their creationism is to become iron men when you become an iron man You're made out of metal. You're very cold. You need to be warm when you go to bed at night This app lets you trade money for bed sheets Brilliant brilliant innovation So all in all my trip ended and I opened up my closet door Realized that I was trapped in there for three days and the the the mushrooms that I had in my fridge were in fact not baby Bella's I Really really hope that you enjoyed this this pitch for online payments for centaurs They really really do need your help. Thank you Don't forget our app's name is centaurs need love We have any more takers anybody else gonna come on up here and Do another I was afraid you'd say that and then and then we'll Have a good time doing something else, huh? Oh, so this one's easy at least it starts out easy as most things do in life Photo sharing for teens teens these days. I have a teenager. He just turned 14 He shares photos He's got a girlfriend they send photos to each other all the time and I wanted to make that easier So I thought why not use an app, you know So we started to build this app to share photos with teens and the first problem We had was that teens don't remember anything like their their brains are like a sieve You know you tell them we're gonna have lunch in five minutes and they come down in three minutes And they're like I'm hungry and I'm like why just told you and he's like I forgot my password So the first thing we did is worked on password recovery systems And so that's a feature that you're gonna love with this new app So this is one of the first pictures that was shared on the app, which is strange for teenagers there They don't even know who this is but you know People do fear change and so this has been a little bit of a struggle to kind of get some adoption going here And people people frankly they feared electricity, you know, they feared the CD when the CD was made They're like this is gonna ruin everything But I we've been working on outreach because we want everyone to be ready Because everybody is ready already To act of course right and so You know people usually already have their phones in their hands, and they're ready to get this app for their teenagers And and then I realized that you know, I'm doing this more for myself than for them You know, they they have a process and you know I'm an engineer. So I'm always like just build an app Just go ahead. Well might not build an app You'll succeed in invoking greater positive attitude in your heart But I should be thinking about their hearts because that's what's important here if you saw Brian's talk earlier, you know, you need to serve others, right? So that's when I went on a mental cycle. That's what I call a breakdown But I realized that I need to devote maybe 10% to business thinking and You know business isn't that complicated and I feel like I was really over complicating this whole thing I was you know, I was thinking about marketing and customer support and the password recovery. Why did I start there? So I went back to the basics, you know Scooby-Doo kind of grounds me and brings me back to where I need to start and just you know Keep it simple, you know screaming Dimeing ding. That's one of my mantras and so This kind of helped me get get get my stuff figured out My problem though, so trust among team members is really important. My problem was I didn't have a team So you can imagine I'm on the left here the person on the right doesn't exist And this is how things got really bad You know the app just really wasn't taking off. I'm I'm getting my business mind straight here and Then I figured it all out it all made sense because I know the kids love Facebook and The kids say I'm vibe, right? We're vibe. Yep So I figured I need to figure out how to be cool on Facebook So I wrote a step-by-step guide to being cool on the hottest social media website Everyone will be jealous including the teenagers and the photos that they're sharing. So that's how I ended up Not even building this app and so I want to thank you my app does not have a name. It's not in the app store It's just a story. All right Okay Thank you all for coming to my pitch talk here. I'm gonna talk a little about my new app Been working on this for a while now So I'm really happy to be here showing it to you. Well, I mean some of it or some of the ideas on it and it's a nap about Sharing recipe videos for dogs as you may or may not know dogs are very into intelligent creatures, right? and When I first had this idea well, I mean we have lots of things to think about when building a new app, but I was very Concerned about getting, you know All the security on place because you know governments have been paying more and more attention to security so cyber law was kind of like one of the first things we want to tackle in this app and Well, and as you may know Dogs they kind of might have a hard time Manipulating some of the recipes, right? And they may want to become a different being in order to maybe Achieve these tasks right of putting together that that all those recipes and stuff, right? So I was thinking how I could actually benefit from all this Things that might be in their minds and we don't know, right? We can breathe the dog's mind So maybe they're dreaming about something like being I don't know the genie that can just Miracles that put together that chicken that they saw on over the table and they want to run for it and eat that thing, right? Well anyways That's that's when we got this track that we had this little, you know Side thing about trying to cater for you know the kitten market that didn't went didn't work too well But I think yeah, I think it's because it kind of the worst thing was it detracted us for all the security and the cyber space that we had So yeah, so I mean I took this light from another presentation I had so it might seem a little bit out of context here But the important thing is that it is going to be a web app It's going to be on the web. It's not only going to phones You can go on your desktop or if you're a dog Maybe you're gonna have I don't know some new device for dogs and it's gonna be there because it's on the web, right? So anyways, yeah What one of the promotion, you know That we've been thinking about is getting this Perpetuate email thread that just goes spamming and spamming the entire internet so that eventually it can reach Dogs emails account when they get one It might be a century from now, but it keeps going, right? All right, and We had to think about some of the you know far far in the future stuff Like what if the dogs can actually transform into something else, right? What if humans become dogs, right? Like then you might have a whole new segment to cater to Right, so anyways get rich in the end here so and I kind of put together this questions here that you can be thinking yourself and We can all work together on how we can improve this app so that the dogs of the future Be doing their recipes So, yeah, well, well, thank you all for for coming to my talk and yeah, don't forget my app name is The dog or Reno yay All right last call You don't have to Leave here, but you do have to come up and do a talk. No no no one Yeah, all right I'm definitely ready for this as ready as I am for this as I am for my talk tomorrow So we'll see but um, all right, so sports betting for sports Mascots that is synergy if I've ever heard it and so we're only asking for 1.5 billion raised today at maybe a point zero one percent is what you get so that's probably the best deal And I think I wanted to invite my co-founder up here. My co-founder is here And we're at we've been practicing this pitch non-stop for weeks and we trade off every slide and a bad thing has never happened Are you watching this? We were watching this we were watching the markets. We were watching this opportunity slip by everyone Everyone and we can capitalize if with your help we can capitalize on this amazing opportunity Opportunity worldwide it's worldwide opportunity Yep, we've been practicing that all night and so sports betting is Just like Pinocchio because you if you lie your nose gets longer and you lose money a lot of money He's it's so dad's kids It makes a lot of sense. It's a very family friendly app We want families to use it kids to use it with their parents and go broke hopefully and then you make money It's gonna have earth-shattering opportunity. I swear. There's just the right to the core We can do this. We have the right team. We have the just it's gonna impact this world We're just such a great opportunity for you to get invested in us for us to create some sports bets That are just out of this world So the state of cat Mameys I believe I just learned how to pronounce this today So they've been going on for at least a year 2011-2012 this we made this deck in 2012 still relevant today I believe no reason it wouldn't be cats still good sports betting still good But ceiling cats that we will install them in your house if you don't use our app Whoa, and you know cats they got that synergy going. It's an amazing market because it's it's basically an FT's Right, so there's this cat has a soul. It's sold to the other cat And you know what this guy Rupert, you know first first employee employee number one He morphed and did this amazing writer saw it's Carl. He's in the group to amazing founding team Oh My favorite slide web one verse two verse three and we are going to six with this app by the way We're skipping for we're skipping five four and five are done And so three is AI semantic mobility six is AI semantic mobility Sports betting and you go broke like it's just you don't have any money left Forget the cloud so basically we're getting to the end here and conclusion really the hypothesis was correct We are right. We are on the money here, and you need to be too So there's only a couple questions. Is the water warm in the room? Are we getting dry? It might be Friday almost Friday, but are you ready to invest with us today? Friday got to get down on Friday So the primary evil of the internet is piracy our app will be no piracy allowed We did pirate it already. So that's why you can't pirate it again We stole this app from other other people fan not fan duel Ban cool is our app the name. Well, that's the last way. I've got ahead of myself But we just scribbled it out the logo. We have a really good logo now Okay, so in retrospect This is fan cool the dual the don't forget about us. Don't sleep on us Impact bet we're going all the way from cloud to the universe, right like let's go. Okay. Thank you