 Ladies and gentlemen, the Fruit of Zulum Playhouse is proud to present its latest gender theorized post-modern deconstruction of that age-old chestnut from the western canon, The Punch and Judy Show, entitled The Punch and Jimmy Show. Yeah, 20, 20, 20, 24 hours a day, I want to be sedated, nothing to do, no place to go, I want to be sedated, yeah. So let's see, time for breakfast, what shall it be, Xandex or Zoloft? Oh, you punch, it's time for us to do our yoga, I hate yoga, oh now punch, oh, oh, oh, I didn't know we had company. Yeah, oh, folks, this is my main squeeze, Jimmy, oh punch, you know I prefer husband, and does that make me the wife? Now punch, we have got to do our yoga, okay, I hate yoga, come on punch, up you go, okay, now let's start with you touching your toes and don't forget to breathe, who the hell forgets to breathe? Okay, here we go, touch your toes, okay, here, let's try again, hey, how about some tantric yoga, Jimmy, oh punch, all you ever think about is sex, sex, sex, and the problem is, what's that? Oh, I've got a surprise for you, punch, oh, I love surprises, I went out and adopted us, hey, baby, precious, it's your other daddy, wow, I feel like a chapter in a banned library book, now punch, I've got to go to my Long Cabin Republican meeting now, wait, isn't being gay in a Republican and oxymoron? No, I'm a fiscal conservative and a social liberal, oh, maybe just plain moron, okay, now don't forget to give the baby the bottle, okay, oh, my little pretty, yeah, sorry kid, I don't speak Ukrainian, something died, where's a carcass, what the heck, whoa, oh, and to think a half an hour ago, that was pierogi and sauerkraut, don't worry kid, the audience didn't like that joke either, oh, you want your bottle, don't you, I'm ready, get your bottle, okay, the bottle, check to make sure the formula is warm enough, yes, here we go, mother's milk kid, you're gonna love it, yeah, ready, here we go, down the hatch there, Spanky, oh, feeling the pain, huh kid, you know folks, I love babysitting, come on you little pipsqueak, where's your sense of humor, don't cry, oh Jesus, let's see, you know what I've heard, the way you get a baby to stop crying is you're shaking really hard, shaking really hard, okay, that didn't wake, let's try the Dr. Spock approach, here we go, rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop, when the wind blows the baby, where nose hot flew to it by Christ's sake, sheesh, Lynn Grature wore me out, yeah, I need a little shut-eye, precious, precious, precious was feeling alienated from western Taliban, got jihad fever and joined the Taliban, yeah, oh now punch, precious is a Christian baby, precious was a Christian baby, was, was, was, yeah the past tense it is, was, was, not again, yes again, but you promised, come on, we can make another one, oh punch, I am so sick of your eccentric artist bullshit, mother harrumpf, you'll miss my big thick red dripping nose, yeah, now that I'm single again, I'm gonna log on to bigleatherpuppetdaddy.com, yeah, I'm gonna take the staircase, like a virgin, flush for a beat, next to mine, like a virgin, stooped for a virgin, with a hot beat, next to mine, puppet show is being performed homosexual, who is intent on carrying out the international homosexual agenda, which is, of course, to turn each and every one of you into a flamingly flamboyant queen, worship Satan in here, who's there, police, police who, police open the door, actually the door's open, blam, crass, slam, Riley of the Los Angeles police department, ramparts division, a really, no, O' Riley, place you under arrest, bad boy, what are you shooting and clubbing me for, why arrest for, why, reckless endangerment and not wearing your seatbelt on July 3rd, 1982, bang, bang, club, club, I deny the allegations and I defy the alligators to prove them, you defy the alligators, well, we'll see about that, I have to go to my patrol car for a moment, excuse me, wow, he looks as good gone as he did coming, here, please hold this, oh, certainly, why, look, narcotics, right to remain silent, you have the right to wear fruit on your head, oops, those are the Carmen Miranda rights, up up some lines and live temporarily, run out of ordinance, which is a fancy police word for bullets, click, click, club, club, well, what pray tell, is the fancy police word for this, put down the weapon scumbag, okay, I'll put it down, down, two jelly donuts and a cup of cough, bam, they beauty, bam, is broken, bam, am to see, bam, I haven't swung a club like that since I birdied on the ninth hole of the Bob Hope classic, that joke sucks, bam, it needs a new floor, yes indeed, okay, I'm gonna take the spiral staircase, California, Uber Alice, California, Uber Alice, California, Dick Kenny, California, California, yeah, California, California, attention, text of this puppet show may contain questionable materials that viewers might find questionable, questions, puppets are creepy, man, yeah, I hate puppets, yeah, who's there, who's here to hang their sailor, not the sailor, I am at their outfit, though, that's so hot, hey, didn't I see you hanging out at the spike or the manhole or, oh, maybe it was the pink flamingo on karaoke night, I do not hang out at a spike or a pink flamingo's manhole, I see, all right, so hey, by the way, do you mind taking your hat off of my house, I never remove my hangman's hat, yeah, you're gonna remove it, come on, oh, no, ah, oh, oh, oh, some noggin you got there, do not make fun of my pointy head, I wouldn't dream of it, here, take a letter, dip, dip, dear John, I'm sorry I dumped you, but you're a bum, hey, I am not a pen or a pencil, I am a hangman, I see, now by order of the attorney general of the city of Los Angeles, your appeals are exhausted, and now is the time of reckoning, wait a minute, what happened to my trial, oh, with the justice department's new anti-terrorist speedy trial program, we skip the trial and thus it is speedy, oh, very efficient, yes, please assist me with the scaffold, oh, the scaffold you shouldn't have, so how did you ever become a hangman, I do not wish to make small talk, I only wish to hang you by the neck until then, this has taken longer than in rehearsal, please do not improvise, hangmen do not improvise, I see, okay, so what's next, please put your head in the noose, oh, sure, I'll do that, oh, I missed, I just can't seem to get the hang of it, no noose is goodness, oh, okay, I will demonstrate to you how it is done, yeah, do that, first you bend over like this, that could be dangerous around here, then thrust forward into the noose like so and stand waiting patiently to be hung, nicely executed, hey, what's this little rope here for, do not touch the rope, why not, because I pull the rope, you do what, pull the rope, oh, okay, puppets, the rumors are true, he is well hung, the voices if you've grown all night, I'm gonna set up this scaffold in between the sling and the rack, yeah down in the basement, I'm gonna take the escalator, one pill makes you a lighter, don't do any, she's 10 feet tall, yeah, she's really, really tall, dangerous stunts performed by professional puppets, these dangerous stunts yourself, unless you are a professionally trained puppet or a total freaking, for easy access, yeah, and he comes with a patch kit in case things get rough, reminds me of my time with the Dalai Lama, and I said, how should accept death, right, he said you should in fact embrace death, oh, in fact you should stoop, boys who speak French, you can have your hat when you're in my house, oh no, I cannot take my trademark, all right, let's take that off, oh, no, no, no, what do you do, no, no, my disability teller beats back in their appropriate sockets, T-ball, once said, down the middle of 122 and test it out, I'm guessing, yeah, Monsignor's barter, no, I can't, sure you can't give me that, oh, no, for master punch, no master punch, get rid of that prop, okay, a punch is time for those kids here though, no master punch, that's not what I meant, that's, we saved that for the adult show, we do, no master punch, I mean you must go all the way down, down to the bowels of health, bowels and nothing, now, I'm gonna sit right here and wait for divine intervention, oh, not you see, I'm called employee, word really more than independent contractor, I'm as a greeter at Walmart, three strikes, you're out program, what, what three strikes, why you're an atheist homosexual doesn't wear a seatbelt, now master punch, time to go down, oh, no, I want to go up, up, up, up, no, you're not paying attention because what I'll do is go up, up, up, up, up, oh, master punch, I'm immortal, you can't kill me, now I'm gonna have fun trying in slow motion, we can do anything we want, I kill the day, the escalator, that's me in the spotlight, shh, losing my religion, that's me in the corner, you can do anything as you are a puppet, that's right, finistically labeled because of children in the audience, I can take out my balloon, yeah, you see my lovely, would you like to do some impressions for the folks, uh, okay, here's his impression of a gay windshield wiper, that was not well executed, but show everyone your impression of falling into Woodbury Lake.