 is to live a better overall life. As we just settle down in the room, just because we'll wait till everybody kind of takes their seats. Let me just talk about David Tien, PhD. I actually first heard about David, from the academic world. I had friends who are, I mean like, just tremendously, tremendously intelligent guys. But then I heard about him in the dating world here, here, here and there, and he was on the other side of the world in Singapore, and it just kind of grew and grew and grew. And after a while you start to get these clients who are just like, no man, no this guy. And I'm like, is he a professor or something like that? Anyway, it turns out that he went from professor to being this like amazing dating coach. He has a radio show. He's kind of like the source of so much going on in all of Asia when it comes to dating and seduction and lifestyle. And what I see from this guy is living a good clean life, a solid message. I really respect him for that. I've talked to him on the phone and interacted with him. We've just shared different friendships and stuff like that. It's great to finally meet him and shake his hand just a couple of hours ago. Let's bring him on to the stage. Welcome, David Tien. Thank you, thank you. Awesome man, see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Take it away, man. Thank you. Let me actually just move this a little bit. It is an honor to be here, really fluent from Singapore and really pumped up to be speaking in front of you. I remember back in the day when the 21 convention was just starting up and seeing the videos on YouTube and thinking, wow, this is an amazing opportunity. And the fact that Anthony was putting up these videos for free back then was without any charge. There's no like 9.99 for the first week and at two months later, you can cancel all that stuff. It was just free. And now I'm really honored to be part of that lineup and to contribute to that. So, great to meet Steve and Anthony. I wanna thank them both for the invitation and great to see them finally in person. Now being out in Singapore, I'm sort of isolated from all my mentors. So a lot of my training and coaching was over Skype. I flew in about once every year or so back to North America to do my check-in with my professors for my research as well as to hook up with my mentors. And that was it, I get my once a year thing. So a lot of what I did was just based on a few Skype calls here and there, a bunch of emails, but really a lot of it out of my own experience. And what I'm giving you today is a talk called honesty as a cornerstone of attraction. And I found that for myself, when I discovered the power of honesty and being genuine, it really took my social life to the next level. And I hope to show you how that came about. What I'm gonna show you today is also inspired by my own study. My PhD was in Asian cultures at University of Michigan and I was in Beijing for four years before I moved to Singapore. All of that was in research in East Asian religion, East Asian philosophy. And what I'm showing you today actually resonates very closely with over thousands of years of East Asian philosophy, religion, including Confucianism, Neo-Confucianism, Taoism, Buddhism. I'm not sure how you guys feel about that, but I think it's pretty cool that a lot of what I'm covering today has been thought and taught by very wise men throughout the ages, as well as in the Christian tradition through spiritual cultivation and specifically in the Jesuit tradition. So a lot of this is not PUA. I mean, my background was pickup, I guess. That's where I came out of it in 2005 after being separated from my wife at that time and then getting a divorce and having to just pick up the pieces as a 30-year-old Asian dude in a town of 100,000 people, mainly white, where all the hot girls were 20-year-old sorority girls who didn't go to clubs because they weren't of age and you had to break into the frat. And the frat houses were worse than clubs because in a club you could just flash your black Amex or, you know, pay some money, buy a table. But in a frat, you know, they don't really care how much money you have. So it was really like working from the ground up. And so what I'm teaching you today is a lot of it is gonna be based on what inspired me through over 15 years of university study and then going on to be a professor at the National University of Singapore teaching Asian philosophy. So although it's coming out of this pickup world, most of this is really not having anything to do with POA and it's been three or four years since I've been in that community. So it's refreshing today actually on this panel to be sandwiched between two fitness talks. It makes me feel, you know, like very decreepified as a result of that. So as I'm showing you this honesty and there are two parts, right? We're gonna look at the inner and the outer, right? Very simple, inner and outer. I'm gonna start with the inner. The inner part of using honesty is basically, I'm gonna use the example of overcoming limiting beliefs. Your limiting belief could take any form. It could be you're too short, you're too tall, you're too fat, you're too thin, you're too black, you're too white, whatever it is that you are, you could just change that into limiting beliefs. It's amazing how many limiting beliefs there are out there. So let's take a limiting belief, all right? So you're gonna use honesty to overcome limiting beliefs. And there are many ways actually to overcome limiting beliefs. You could use NLP and hypnosis and I've used those to good effects in the past. But that takes specialized training and specialized skills and knowledge that maybe you don't have. So what I'm gonna show you today, the method of basically psychological archeology is something that you can use without any specialized skill or training. And probably you've already been using it to a limited extent, you just need to do more of it. So take a limiting belief, you start off by asking, is it true or false? So on the handout, I have it just written out in linear form, just horizontally. On this whiteboard here, I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna show it like a tree. And if you like truth trees or decision trees, it'll be from top down. I don't really need this. Okay, true or false? Let's take a belief, I don't know, let's say, I'm too old to get girls I like, right? Let's take old age, right? All right, you feel that one? Okay, so let's say you're, I don't know. I hear this from my clients who are in their 40s and they like girls who are in the 20s. So they're thinking, oh, I'm 20 years older than that girl. It's a limiting, this is gonna limit my opportunities in dating, what can I do? Well, the first thing you're gonna do is, you're gonna reflect, reflect. Okay, and along with reflection is research, reflect, research. Okay, so that's the first. So you notice under inner, I had R and R. R and R, which is, when you have a limiting belief at the aura dating academy, we say you need some R and R. It's just reflecting and reframing. So the first is reflecting. If it's, first with reflecting, you ask yourself, is it true that women will not like a man who is older? Then you just do some research. Go on Google, go look through the psychology journals, the science journals, go ask them some experts. And it turns out that the research shows that women actually prefer men who are older. The minimum of two years, but up to five years in many cases, and that as women age, they actually prefer men who are even older. So a woman in her 30s will prefer a man in his 40s. The woman in her 40s will date a man in his 60s. And that's because as you age, your life experiences tend to be less different, versus 18 and 21. So you do the research and you find out, hey, actually being older is an advantage in dating. So then you say, well, then it must be false that women don't like me because I'm old. So that limiting belief is false. But if it's a deep-seated limiting belief, just learning that first surface level of it won't destroy the limiting belief. You're like, yeah, okay, I know rationally that I shouldn't feel this way, but I still do, right? And then you need to condition your mind. Condition, you do mental, emotional conditioning. So this idea of research then conditioning is gonna be repeated on the rest of the truth tree. I'll just show you very briefly how you can do conditioning on old age. So let's say you're an older guy, you're in the 40s, you wanna get a date a girl in her 20s. One easy way of conditioning it is looking at images or seeing videos or meeting people in real life, guys who are older dating younger women. And the world is replete with these. Take an example, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, she's 20 years as junior. You can just, instead of having Justin Bieber photos like you probably do all over your wall, you wanna take those down and replace them with representations of the ideal you, of the life that you wanna lead, of the reality that you wanna have as your own, right? So we have these ideas, these limiting beliefs that come to us through various means. They could be through the media, they could be through society, through our parents or our peers. What you need to do is cut out all of the negative sources that are giving you these limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering sources that support the belief, that support the powerful belief. So for instance, you could get posters of, or blow up from your digital camera or from your computer, get them in full color and just put them up on your vision board or put them up on your wall, have them on your desktop background, have them on your iPhone to constantly remind you and craft a new reality for you mentally. That not only is it normal for an older guy to date a younger woman, but it's actually normative in the sense that this is the way it should be. If you're a powerful man, you should have a younger woman. If you're a hot girl, you should have an older man. And suddenly, that switch changes. Instead of feeling bad that you're older, now you see, hey, actually, it's the way it should be. You can do the same if you're a younger guy wanting to date older women. You just need to condition your mind to seeing that as the norm. So let's take, that was old age, but let's say you're 20 years older. The science doesn't show that women prefer men who are 20 years older when they're in their 20s. The science shows, well, they prefer men who are two to five years older. You're way older, this is not gonna work. So in this case, maybe the problem is that that limiting belief is actually true. See, then you gotta do a little bit more research. So you ask yourself, well, why would women prefer men who are older? And the research shows, the reason why is because men who are older tend to have more power. In caveman times and back in the day, if you were older, you had more time to amass resources, to amass social alliances, to amass power. Now, if you're at 45 years old and you have less money and less power socially than you did when you were 25, this is gonna be a problem. You're not increasing in social value. Therefore, that might be the reason why those women are not attracted to you despite your older age. So then if it's a true belief, if it's true that your limiting belief is true, that your older age is inhibiting you and in this case you would find it's not the older age per se, but it's the social power that you have. If that's limiting you, then you say, okay, if it's true, can I change it? Can I change it? I'll take another example of a limiting belief. I'm too fat to get girls, too fat. Maybe I'm 200 pounds, 200 kilograms overweight. And this research shows, yes, that will inhibit you, that will prevent you, that will be a big disadvantage for you when you're trying to attract women. It is true, right? Maybe that's a belief and it's limiting you, but it's a true limiting belief. So it does you no good to just in the face of the facts, just conditioning yourself into believing, yeah, being overweight is gonna help me. Because you can change it, right? Can you change it? Yes or no? Now if the answer is yes, then change it. And I'm so glad that I'm speaking before and after a fitness talks and diet talks because that is one of the most, I mean the research shows that almost anybody's body composition can change given the right amount of time and effort. There's no excuses for that. So if it's about your health or your diet or that you're overweight, I've met guys who've lost 100 kilograms in a year, amazingly, through a lot of discipline. But it can be done. So change it. If you have a shitty lifestyle, if you live at home with mom in her basement and all you do on the weekends is play World of Warcraft, change it. Right, that is a limiting belief if you say, well girls won't like me because I live in my mom's basement and I have no money and I play video games all weekend, change it. There's no point in trying to reframe or condition that belief because it's true and you can change it. But what about the ones you can't change? Now this is where the money is, right? Everyone's wondering, well it is true that I have this disadvantage and I can't really do anything about it. What are some examples of those? Well when I was starting out eight years ago, there were two particularly limiting beliefs that haunted me that were very deep seated. These were height and race. I was raised in North America where it turns out that in America the average height of an adult male is five nine, about 1.75 meters. It seems like Australia's about the same, 1.75, just judging by the height of the urinals. Thank you. All right, getting a laugh. So it didn't help that I was on the basketball team and the volleyball team from junior high through high school because every time I showed up on the court I was continually reminded of how short I was. And then in junior high we were all the same height because puberty had just started hitting. So I could play forward on basketball team and I wasn't the setter yet on volleyball. I was a striker. And then we went to high school and everyone shot up in height and suddenly I was the setter in the guard and I had to relearn the game and it just became a lot harder to score in many ways. So that became, if I'm doing that, that was my passion, volleyball and basketball, for six years or so. And then making my passion remind me of my limiting belief was very hard for height. So it was a very deep seated one. Now this is the second half of R&R. If it's true and you can't change it, you'll need to reframe it. And again, you're gonna have to do research. That's the first step always. So I did some research when I realized, hey, I have to figure out this dating thing. The research showed that, yeah, the average height of the adult male in America was 5'9". But globally, it turns out, after just a little bit of research, the average height of the adult male was 5'7", 1.7 meters, which was my height. So I was average. Yeah, living in that society in America where the average height was taller and I was playing basketball and volleyball and watching basketball a lot. I was continually reminded of how short I was, but actually globally speaking, I'm average. That helps, actually, right away. But it won't help a guy who's 5'1", or 1.55 meters. But just that little bit of research already helped give me some more confidence. It also helped that I was living globally. So I was based in Beijing at that time when I was doing the research. And even though in Northern China, I think the average height of an adult male seemed to be about 5'9", as well. It helped to know that, now the whole globe is my playing field. That I wasn't limited to a specific society or town that I could meet women and meet the love of my life anywhere in the world. And given that, then I'm average there. I could, of course, change it partly. I think there is like height enhancement surgery, but it's incredibly painful and risky. But so that wasn't really a real option. But have you ever gone through the New Rock stage? Is that New Rocks? That the back of the day, when they used to wear those crazy ass boots that were really high, those pumps. I never thankfully went through that, but I did get boots that had a nice two inch heel that were very subtle so you couldn't see them. But it didn't help because the girls at the clubs would wear three inch heels. So I'd gain two inches, but then they'd still gain an inch on me, and then, of course, they're taller than me. So there's not that much I could've done about height. I did as much as I could. I also learned some body language tips, some presence. I meet my presence bigger. I went around telling people if they ever asked them 5'9", and they believed me, no problem. However, so you gotta reframe that limiting belief. For example, I think of it like a handicap, actually, like being shorter is a handicap in life when it comes to dating women. So it's like in golf. You just gotta, if you score the same as the other guy, but you had a handicap, it just shows that you're that much better. So the limiting belief that I attacked, I attacked it directly with this affirmation that it takes a stronger man to date a taller woman. It takes a stronger man to date a taller woman. I didn't even have to really add it to my affirmations list because it just seemed logical to me. But once I realized that, it became the foundation of how to attack this limiting belief, the foundation of that empowering belief. I dated these taller women. Did I mention that earlier before the break? The stories about, well, they would try to poke fun at me at my height when I first started dating them. They're very subtle jabs. But over time, those jabs started to disappear because I just wasn't bothered by them. And then they just moved on to other things. But what you find is with women who will challenge you, it's for your own good. Because they see these insecurities. I know a lot of guys in the pickup world who want to find a drama-less girl. There's all this talk about overcoming drama. I don't like drama. And it's great because if you have a lot of drama, you can't really focus on other areas of your life. But there's a reason why there could be drama. Like in a woman who otherwise is not gonna produce a lot of drama. But when she's with you, it's really pushing at you. She's doing that because she sees these insecurities that you really shouldn't have. And she thinks they're funny. She thinks you should get over them. But her unconscious way of doing that is to poke at you like that. Until you're so strong that it doesn't have any effect on you. Then her job is done. Then she moves on to the next insecurity. This is actually good for you, all right? So you don't want a girl who's just gonna treat you with kid gloves, right? And none of these women did that for me. They just incessantly tease me about my height. So with the reframe, I then continued to do research. So even with that reframe, let me just show you how powerful that could be. I was doing way back in, what was it, 2008 boot camp with Nick Sparks and Jonathan Hudson in New York. And I just take these trips once or twice back to, a year back to North America. So women in America tend to be bigger boned than I'm used to in Asia. But these three girls were seated and I just went up to them and started talking to them. And then I noticed within the first 10 seconds that the girl in the middle, her knees were really high. Like she's seated on a bench, but when she was crossing her legs, but they were like up to here. I mean, like thinking, you know, if she stood up, I bet she'd be really tall, like a basketball player. Anyway, we were talking and then she just said, you're too short for me. Just like out, and then there was like silence. No one was saying anything. So I said, just the first thought that came to my mind was, you know, that that empowering belief, it takes a stronger man to date a taller woman. So I just blurted that out. And then she said, yeah, that's so true. And the other girls are like, yeah, yeah. And then they started asking me all these questions, but I can't even do it on me. So that reframe really helps, but then I needed to do more research, right? Research into men who, for example, I want to find examples of other men who were my height who were dating taller women. And then, of course, this led into conditioning. So notice the research conditioning pair, right? So an easy one was Tom Cruise, right? So I just started looking at all these photos of him with Nicole Kidman, him with Katie Holmes, and him with pretty much any woman in Hollywood. And it was ridiculous because the height disparity was insane. I don't think he even tried to hide it. He didn't wear pumps or those concealable heels in the shoe thing. And the girls didn't conceal it either. The girls wore heels. So it was even more monstrous. You know, there were four inches taller than him, but with heels suddenly they're half a foot taller. But he didn't care. He was just powerful, just there. And I began to condition my mind into seeing that as an example of a powerful man. Because he was that much more powerful than the men who were the same height as those women. I conditioned my mind by we stopped, I stopped watching any TV show that made fun of short men. I just cut out of my life, anybody, except the girls I was dating who were making fun of short men. I remember these sitcoms that would make fun of short men. I stopped watching sitcoms entirely. And if you feel very needy a lot, like you meet this girl, you date her, and suddenly you're attached before you even had sex and you don't really know that much about her, but you're just attached about her. It might be because you're watching a lot of Korean romance comedies or Korean dramas. That's the case in Asia. I don't know about here. I don't think you guys are watching Korean stuff. Or maybe you're listening to some really sappy songs. You gotta cut that out. So conditioning is both positive and negative. You cut out all the bad influences and replace them with positive ones. So Tom Cruise, another guy who I discovered early on was a guy who dated, let me see if I can get this straight, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, Mandy Moore, Lindsay Lohan, Ashley Simpson, Rihanna for a little while, and you might not have ever heard his name. You would probably recognize him because he was in that 70s show, Fez. Remember Fez? Wilmer Valderrama, right? This guy's like a C-list TV actor and he was dating A-list teen actors at the time. This guy had game. It wasn't because he had higher status or more money, he was five feet seven Latino guy. And I just printed out all the images I could of this guy and I started to emulate him and learn as much as I could about him. And this is just identity work. So identity work with conditioning. Other things you can do with your conditioning that you maybe already are doing. Of course, they're your visualizations in your affirmations. In the Oradating Academy, we have a two hour class just on visualizations and affirmations. So I can't go into much more detail here. But also the identity work in the Oradating Academy, we have a two hour class just on identity and archetypes. And with that, basically you're looking to, you wanna decide who your ideal self is. You just make a list. I remember one of my school friends back in Toronto when I was, we knew each other since 10 years old. At around the time he went to college, he decided he was gonna be James Bond minus the MI5 affiliation. He was Canadian, Chinese guy. A little bit shorter than me. But he just made a list of all the things James Bond could do. And over the course of about 12 years or so, he just went out and learned them all. One at a time, just tackled them all. That's how, he wrote me in about halfway through to do ballroom dancing in salsa. But he also learned how to sail boats. He got this yachting license. He skydived, he learned Kempo, karate, jujitsu, what's that thing? Kendo with the swords. Learned how to fire guns. He learned how to fly airplanes. He learned how to jump out of planes like on a regular basis. And he was an engineer. Started off as an engineer in the top engineering school in Kanda. And then went on to do a JD and MBA. Is now a law partner somewhere. So he just went one at a time, just checking the list off. It became his ideal self. And now he's happily married with some kids. And you can do the same thing actually. And you can do it mentally, not just through skills. So let's say you wanna look a certain way or talk a certain way or stand a certain way or move a certain way. How are you gonna be that way? Well the first step is to find somebody who's already doing or living that ideal life. So if you're a shorter guy, you find a shorter guy who's dating taller women if that's what you want. So that's what I did. I just replaced in my mind, I inundated my mind with those images. And that's where the Christian spiritual cultivation comes into play, as well as the Buddha is pretty much any real religious cultivation comes into play. You remove the influences of the world, of the carnal world, the sinful world. Don't listen to MTV and all that. You gotta throw that out of your house and replace it with the word of God. That should be just take out all the pollution and replace it with the good stuff. And I just, it's the same structural framework. I just changed the content. All right, so now it's about how attractive you wanna be and what limiting beliefs you wanna replace. And another one is race. You wanted to get to that, right? That was a big one for me. Now with race there are a lot of other things that I could say because it's such a complicated thing. In addition to conditioning, you should think about compensating. Now compensating might sound bad, but let's take it, put it this way. If height is one of your issues, let's say you're 20% shorter than the guys you're competing with. Well then you should be 20% more muscular. You know, I think if it's sort of like Dungeons and Dragons, you get your intelligence, the strength and all that and you're maybe low on intelligence, but you can pop it up on strength so you can balance it out. And that's something you can do. You can actually compensate for it. That's something I saw in every area of my life. I wanted to, if I found any disadvantages that I had, I would make up for them in other ways. Now with race, let's take the Asians in America, in North America, Canada. I know that the best. And I think it's very similar to Australia with Asians in Australia. What are some of the negative stereotypes that Asians have? Well, let me help you out because you're not all Asian here so you may not realize this. Asians are effeminate. They're passive, they're pushovers. They're passive aggressive. They're soft skin like girls. They have small penises. They're nerdy. They don't know how to talk to people. They're sheltered. They live with mom. They're robots. They have no facial expressiveness. They're like poker face, things like that. Okay, those are pretty negative. And what are some positive things though? There's some pros and cons to everything. What are some positive things? Well, the upside is that the Asian stereotype is that they're industrious, hardworking. They're disciplined. They're good with computers. They're good with math. You know, they're intelligent. They're stable, dependable. They're gonna be responsible and mature. And those are good things. In fact, all of those traits that I've just mentioned are universally attractive to women as the evolutionary psychology has shown. So those are good things. However, you're missing all of the sexual parts and that's where the negativity is. Now, if that's the case, then what you can do is you realize what the pros and cons are and what the way the world views you and you can flip that around. One way that this came home to me was when I was in Toronto, I was a house sitting for a professor in a pretty nice condo in downtown Toronto. Coming home from school, the guy behind the desk is my first month living there. He said, hey, hey, our computer systems are down. I don't know what's wrong. Can you help us out? Can you fix this? Like, what? I don't know shit about computers. Why do you think I know about computers, you know? Like, no, I can't. And I was thinking at first I was pretty offended, but then after a few minutes I realized actually that's a cool racism to have. Like, if it's like a positive racism, he thinks I'm smarter than I am. That's not so bad. I'll live with that. And that sort of, that was the kernel of this thought that the positive parts of it I can keep, but then I directly counteract the negative parts of it as soon as possible. So if the negativity associated with being an Asian guy or that you're a feminine, you're a pushover, you're not sexy or sexual, then right off the bat I wanna show people that I am not that, right? So you could go extreme and you get tattoos and piercings and go real bad boy, riding Harley-Davidson or something like that, right? And I've known quite a few guys in America who've tried to do that. But you just show that you're not effeminate, that you're not a pushover, that you're assertive, you're aggressive, when you need to be that you're dominant. And her first thought when she sees you won't be that you're Asian, right? Her first thought will be power, charm, sexy. And then secondarily she'll think, oh wait, he's Asian. But clearly you're not the Asian that she's used to seeing because you don't match the effeminate stereotype. But all of the good stuff is still there because she'll think oh he's Asian so he must be dependable, stable, intelligent and all that other stuff, even though that may not be true at all, right? So it's working for you. And this is what I call the contrast principle. When you compensate properly, contrast principle. Because let's imagine in America the African-American male is hypermasculinized. This is, it's not controversial to say that, this is the subject of a lot of gender studies, research on African-American males' perceptions or impressions of them. And it works against them when they want to go into the corporate world. But imagine like a guy with a black eye with tattoos and piercings just looking badass. He's not really gonna stand out because if the first impression or if the stereotype is that he is that way, then he's just another African-American male, unfortunately for him, right? And it's the same with Asians. If we just look like we have pocket protectors and we work for IBM or something, then if we were another guy who matches that stereotype, we don't stand out, we're just another Asian. However, with the contrast principle, if you work against your stereotype, you know, if you were a black guy with tattoos, you wouldn't stand out, but if you're an Asian guy with tattoos, you would stand out. If the stereotype is that you don't have tattoos. You see, so the contrast principle will work for your advantage, to your advantage, if you can identify what their first impressions are that are negative and you do the opposite of that as a first impression, right? So that can work right away. And in addition, along the lines of the contrast principle, it's the principle that, especially for Asians, that there's actually something really good about being the minority race. There's something really good about being the minority race because you get to be exotic. Exotic is good. Anything different is good, right? Because it generates intrigue and curiosity, but you don't want to be too exotic, but not too much, but not too exotic. Exotic but not too exotic is the principle. For instance, if you're dating a girl from rural America, I don't know, Montana, maybe, and there's no sushi restaurant there at all in the whole city, for your first date, you take her across county lines to eat sashimi and you insist that she uses chopsticks and that she adds a lot of wasabi. It's probably not gonna be a great date. Probably too much for her, right? It's too exotic. But she likes the fact that you're different. She likes the fact that you know a little bit about Buddhism because she wants to do some yoga and meditation. She's into that. And that is where you need to start. You can be relatable. You need to be approachable. But using the exotic part of you, the fact that you're different and that you come from this different world that she doesn't know anything about but is kind of curious about. You can play that up. So these are all ways of taking advantage of a seemingly limiting belief, right? You started off saying, as an Asian person, non-Asian girls will not like me. It's true. Actually, the research has shown that a really great online dating study by Dan Ariely and some others showed that as an Asian man, you would have to make $247,000 more a year to compete on par with the white dude on online dating. That really sucks for Asian guys. Yeah, sure they make a little more, but that's crazy. So it's true that it's a major handicap. Can you change it? You can't change your race, right? But you can reframe it. Do the research and then condition. Condition through visualizations and affirmations. In this case, you'd have to find people of your race, guys of your race who are dating beautiful women and make that replace whatever you're seeing in the representations. What was really great for me was moving to Asia. Actually, I think that's one of the problems with some of the Asian dating coaches in America is that they're just basically becoming white. They're like, oh, the white guys are dominating. Let's just be as white as we can. Or be even a little bit more where Harley-Davidson motorcycle boots everywhere. But being in Asia, what helped was when you walk around in America, you see on the billboards, everyone's white. You see on the cover of the magazines, everyone's white. You watch the Hollywood movies, everyone's white. Everything is supporting the limiting belief. That sucks. But moving to China, looked at the billboards, they were all using Chinese models. The TV was all Chinese people. Everything was different. So it helps to reinforce my empowering belief. Now whatever yours is, you just have to find the environment that will support the empowering belief you want to adopt. And in addition, through my research in Asian cultures and literature, I found that actually I became very proud of my Asian heritage. That's another thing that you would do with your research. That whatever limiting belief you have, if you can't change it, become proud of it. Become proud of it, because that's part of who you are. And look for things to be proud of. That might take some more research. I found it's astounding that in Singapore, Indian guys don't know shit about India. Like they don't know anything about the Indian culture or the history or the religions. They're just Indian. And they kind of want to repudiate that whole past and become just Singaporean, which is like a 50 year old culture. It's not as rich as what they came from. Become proud of that. I found that through my study of East Asia, that there were actually not only powerful men, emperors and kings and cons from Mongolia, but also ladies men, the equivalent of Casanova. No one told me about that when I was starting out. But I found works of literature that were over a thousand years old, Tale of Genji, The Pillow Book, Dream of the Red Chambers, The Golden Lotus. These all showed these Chinese or Japanese men who were incredibly attractive to the ladies. And they had a specific style. And it was a courtier style. Back then it was always the disparity between the upper and lower classes was so great that even in Europe, you would have very effeminate men who were incredibly attractive to women, Casanova, the Don Wands. They took care of their appearance. They powdered their faces. They took a lot of care over their hair and all that. So yeah, that's effeminate. Maybe that's part of the problem for the Asian guy. He's too effeminate. But actually that can work for you if your outward appearance is like a dandy, like a gay fashion designer kind of thing. Girls let the guard down. And it's great if you like the things that girls like. You don't have to be the big jock. If you like the things that girls like, girls will love you. They're gonna have you around all the time. They're gonna ask you along to their tea times and their fashion shows and all that. That's great. So if this is their view of Asian guys, work with it, man. Use it. And especially if that's what you like. If you like fashion, then make that part of your identity. It's great. But here's the one thing you can't do. You can't make that part of your personality in the sense of you can't be a weak man. So if you read the literature of these Asian seducers, they were all very powerful personalities. They were independent. They were strong. They were assertive. They were very direct when they wanted something. And they could be hot and cold very easily. They had game, right? They could walk away from a situation and that's often what created a chase dynamic. But their outward appearance wasn't like that the jock or the military man, right? They had their own way of doing things. So as an Asian guy, you don't have to sell out. You don't have to just dress like the white guy, talk like the white guy and just be the white guy hoping the girl won't notice that you have yellow skin. That's gonna fuck you up because that's gonna make you, that limiting belief's gonna go even deeper into your psyche. Bring that out and make that something you're proud of. Put that out front, right? So if you reframe it as something that can work for you and then you do this conditioning through research, then you can see how you don't need to know any specialized skills or techniques. You just need to do a little bit of research and then condition your identity, your new identity. So with all of this it requires honesty. Most guys are not gonna be honest with their limiting beliefs. So that's the first step. You have to know what your limiting beliefs are. You make the list of those, what's holding you back and be brutally honest with yourself, right? And then just apply reflection and reframing to the process and it's very simple. This is the decision tree here. Okay, so that's the inner part. I'm gonna move into the outer. Okay, and another term for this other than R and R is psychological archeology. Psychological archeology is what I'm gonna be doing as well when we get to the outer part. Actually, I was gonna entitle the talk that but I thought it would be too esoteric. Okay, outer. Now this is the part that most guys wanna hear. Because whenever I give talks on dating, the guys always wanna know what to say. But if you take care of the inner part of it, then you don't need to worry about what to say, right? Because the thoughts will already be there. You just have to say what's in your mind. So let's get you started though on how to understand how to apply the inner part into making it the outer part. So here's a formula about attractiveness. Being attractive equals emotional strength plus honesty or expressing yourself honestly. Ash, being attractive equals emotional strength plus expressing yourself honestly. And it's simply a cyclical process of becoming stronger and stronger and more and more attractive. Cyclical, cyclical process. What's the cyclical process? It's you be as strong as you can and then express yourself honestly. And if you're still insecure, you're gonna hit up against this wall, but that's all you got. So a lot of guys, for example, I'll give you an example of when I was in the car, the taller girl I was dating said that remark about her cousin, having a cousin, my height. That's so strange. Oh, I finally, yeah, I found someone your height. Now I could just pretend like it didn't hit. Just ignore it, but it sort of bothers me. It's nibbling away at me, the insecurity there. Now if I'm not honest, then I can't grow. And I also have nothing to say. Because if I say something pretending like it didn't affect me, guess what? Smart girls, they'll pick up on that. Girls who've been, who had some dating experience. Or, and most people actually can tell if you're lying unless you're a really good actor because of the power of mirror neurons in our brain. We pick up emotions. We may not know the reasons why you feel that way, but we feel like something's off. If you can just free yourself and stop lying, stop pretending to be somebody you're not, that's gonna be great. I'll give you another example. Let's say you're used to slouching. You're a sloucher. It's pretty common in Asia where they eat, like sort of slouching. Or they got the backpacks, so they're slouching. And now you've learned that you've gotta stand up straight. You've gotta have good posture. But the first day you do it, you go to the club, and you're standing like a robot. The girl's looking at you, maybe it's one of your old acquaintances. She's looking at you like, why are you standing like that? You're so weird now. But you know this is right, but it's not natural for you yet. You could say, oh, nothing. I'm not doing anything weird. I'm just all right. But it hurts you. You're like, oh, I'm working so hard at this thing. And it's hurting you. You can't just ignore it. You're talking about some other topic, but you're still thinking about that. It's too fucking late. You can only be honest. Use honesty. So just say what's in your mind. You're saying, you say, well, you know, I used to slouch a lot, but this guy told me I should stand up straight because it's more attractive. And I'm working on it, which is the truth. That's all you got. And that's the best thing you can say. Pretending to be better than you are, especially if you try to verbalize something is horrible. The girls will see right through it, as well as more powerful people. They can tell when you're bullshitting. Don't bullshit. It's too much stress. Just tell the truth. So you see, when you hit up against that wall, you can't deal with it emotionally. You're not strong enough. You know, obviously the best response is to not even notice it. You think, oh, that's cute. She's trying to tease me. That's cute. Yeah, I see that. And it doesn't even bother you. You think it's funny. But you're not there yet. You're not strong enough. So don't pretend. It's like the guys who work out, right? They're working out and they're lifting too heavy. You know, they're like, the guys swing in the weights because everyone else is lifting that weight and they're just trying to swing it. And they're not gonna grow. You look at them like this ridiculous. If the only thing you can curl is a two-pound weight because you're that weak, curl the two-pound weight. Don't pretend or you won't grow, right? That's when you get respect, right? When you're in there lifting to your max, but you're not, you keep a good form. I remember when I had to do a strip set with one of my trainers, we started out with curling at good weight. And then by the end of it, I couldn't even curl the bar. Like, it was just a bar with no weight on it. No, it was just struggling. And he said, and I started swinging. He said, go up and lean up against the wall. I'm leaning up against the wall. I couldn't even curl. And he's like spotting me with his fingers. And then these girls walked by. I'm like, fuck. You know, like at first start, I'm like, no man, let's put this one down. Let's put this one down. He's like, no, keep going. Like, ah, it's burning like crazy. But that's when I grew, man. I was like, fuck it. I gotta put my ego aside to grow in the gym. And that's the same actually when it comes to your emotional strength. There's gonna be times when you wish you didn't feel that way. But it's too fucking bad. You do, and that's the only way you can grow. If you pretend to cheat, or if you pretend or if you cheat, you're never gonna grow. And by the way, this is inspired by 15th century philosopher from China named Wang Yangming. I've written some academic articles on this is the most famous Neoconfusion philosopher, arguably. And he had a doctrine called the unity of knowledge and action. Where he taught that, and this is applied to moral theory, moral life, that if you don't apply what you learn, if you don't apply your knowledge, if you don't act on it, then you don't really know it. It's just theoretical knowledge. For instance, you could theoretically know that height is not an issue. But if when push comes to shove, you don't follow through on that. You don't have the right mindset to back it up. You don't really know it. That was his theory, real knowledge. You need to acquire real knowledge. And the way to get there, just like he says, actually, Wang Yangming, is that there's a cyclical process of continuing to try. Continuing to try. For instance, the examples he used were for moral philosophy. Let's say you know that you ought to try to save a drowning child in the river. You know that theoretically. I ought to risk my life to save this drowning child, this innocent child. But then, let's say you confronted with it. So that was an example, this drowning child, but you freeze. You don't want to risk your life now. Then you don't really know that moral principle. The same applies in dating. To really know where that wall is, you have to tune into your own instincts. You know when there's that off feeling. Like, oh, that little tug in your conscience or that feeling where you're not totally comfortable now. Pay attention to that. Don't hide it. You need to develop emotional awareness of yourself. Real power comes from self-knowledge. Emotional intelligence. That's how the change in transformation occurs. So pay attention to those little tugs in your heart. It's like, oh, that hit me. That little shit test got me. Or she's walking away and talking to some other guy now. I thought she was mine. Oh, that hurts. Pay attention to all of that because that's the content that you're gonna use for your verbal material. And that's what will help you to grow. That's where your weakness is. That's where your wall is. That's where the edge of your comfort zone is. And you need to pay attention to that. That's sort of like when you're, I'm so glad I'm sandwiched between two fitness talks. It's like when you're lifting, the first, let's say you're trying to get to, it's a 10 rep set. And you're getting up to the first six reps you can do pretty smoothly. And then the last ones, you can't, you're struggling to do those. You need a spotter in the last rep. That's where the growth happens. The first six were just a warm up. In fact, if you can skip those, you save some time. Because where the real power, where the real growth comes from that part that you can't handle. You're struggling. It's coming back down and you're just struggling. That's where the growth is. And emotionally, that's where the maturity is. You've got to get to that edge. And if you can live on the edge, like example of David Data's wonderful book, The Way of the Superior Man. He talks a lot about living on the edge. He doesn't mean like, I don't think he means living on the edge, like risking your life all the time. Living on the edge emotionally. Where you're at the edge of your comfort zone. Where maybe these insecurities are happening, or that neediness, or that jealousy feeling. Sit with that. That's where the growth happens. Feel it. Learn what it feels like. Because an emotion, if you want to get control of your emotion, you have to understand what it's composed of. This is a pretty standard emotion theory that you'll find in philosophy and psychology. Emotion is composed of two components. And you'll see that at the bottom of your handout in bold print. Phenomenology, which is basically, I know it's a long word, it basically just means the feeling of it. How it feels physically. The physical sensation of it. Plus the interpretation. The interpretation. For example, there's a snake slithering towards you. You freak out. You panic. You get your heart rate elevates. This is normal. It's good. Caveman ancestors, if they didn't feel that, they would probably be dead. Because it could be venomous. It could strangle you. It's bad. It's coming towards you. You feel fear. But then imagine the interpretation changes. So the emotion is fear. The phenomenology is that panic thing. The elevated heart rate. The interpretation is that that's dangerous. But what if it changes? You have a pet snake. Hey, it's Todd. Actually, I don't know what you do with pet snakes. I think you just hold out your arm or something and it comes up on you. I don't know. And you're happy. Because the interpretation changed. If you can change the interpretation, the emotion changes. Let the phenomenology handle itself. So this is where the change occurs in the interpretation. Most people walk around life having their emotions control them. Their neediness. The jealousy. When the girl turns them down, they're like, oh, that hurt my pride or whatever. They approach anxiety. All of that is a result of the false interpretations. That's why with the inner part, we're focusing on the reasons. The true or false, yes or no. Because that attacks the interpretations directly. You need to challenge these interpretations in order to change the emotion. So when you feel the emotion, sit with it. Because it's going to take a little while. You feel that phenomenology. You feel that feeling. Ask yourself why. So the question is this, the magic question. What am I feeling? Don't just say bad. It's not going to help you. I know most men's emotional vocabulary is pretty stunted. But try to get a little bit more. Is it sorrow? Is it regret? What am I feeling? And why? And you're going to have to ask this why question repeatedly. My experience in coaching is that it takes five or six why questions. You just keep dipping deeper and deeper. That's why it's called psychological archeology. And then that whole thought process, that becomes what to say. You're wondering what to say? You just say this. Whatever the fuck you were just thinking. You just say it out loud. That's your real power. At that point, you don't need any game. You don't need any nags or any openers or any bullshit. You just say whatever the fuck you're feeling. Let's say she says maybe you're on a date, so to speak. The second time you took this girl out, but you're at this event, this club. It's like a club. And she ends up talking to a bunch of guys that you're feeling jealous. And you try to, maybe for like a half hour, she's talking to that guy. Then a half hour, she's talking to another guy. And they look pretty cool and everything. She's not coming to you. And you're thinking, man, I brought up this thing. And it's not happening. And you're feeling off. Now you can pretend like it didn't matter. And that would be the stronger option. The strong man would say, wouldn't even notice. He'd think it's cute that she's trying to do something. Or he wouldn't even be thinking about her. He'd be thinking about having a good time doing something else. But it's too bad. You're not that strong yet. It's hurting you. And so you try to be reactive. You go and hit on some other girls. I'm gonna hit on this girl, because she's hitting on that guy. You're hitting on this girl. But of course it's not gonna go well because you're being reactive. She's gonna sense that there's something off. Because you're not being honest with yourself first. So then she comes back. So all of this horrible stuff, it makes it worse, right? You're hitting on this girl. It's not going that well. You're trying to look cool. You're going to your friends. It's not working that well. The whole time you're just nagging at, it's bugging you. She's talking to these guys and it's bothering you. At the end of that hour, she comes back. She's like, oh, hey, where have you been? Come on, man. I've been here the whole time, right? You're thinking. But what are you gonna say? You just say whatever you've been thinking in terms of this, your psychological archeology. Because you should sit there and think, wow. So this is what it feels like. This is what it feels like to be jealous, to be insecure. And why am I feeling jealous and insecure? And you just chart that out. You might even need to pull out your iPhone and write it all down. Because it's gonna go, why, why, why? And let's say that she comes over and I'll just give you an example of a case, right? She comes over and says, hey, where have you been? And you could just tell her. You could pretend like, oh, hey, let's get a drink. I wasn't bothered. Go get a drink and she could tell something's wrong. You've got that thought in your head. Instead, just say, you know, I brought you to this thing and I was hoping we'd just spend some nice time together. That was pretty stupid of me to bring you to this. Because there's full of dudes that wanna talk to you. And of course you're gonna talk to other guys. Just telling the truth, right? Of course you're gonna talk to other guys, but you know, my friends were saying to me, just don't think about her. Go talk to these other girls, forget about her. But it sucks. I don't know what you did to me. I can't stop thinking about you. I've only known you for one date. Like, you know, this is only a second date. So I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I just gotta say, you did something to me and it got to me a little bit. You won this one, oh man, it sucks. I shouldn't feel this way. Because that's the truth, right? You know you shouldn't feel that way, but you do. You just have to say it. I know I should be stronger, but I'm not, right? And I, you know, even when I was working today, ended up just, I was doing my work, but then this image of you came up in my mind. I was like, no, I can't think about her. I gotta be strong. I gotta be independent. I gotta give her space, you know? Now you're verbalizing all of the shit that you've been thinking because you paid attention to your feelings. If you are honest and sincere and you're not trying to game or a manipulator, or you're just being honest and sincere, just sharing what you're saying, girls will get addicted to you because no one's like that. Dudes wanna pretend like they don't feel shit. They're just a strong man. They don't feel anything. But if you're just honest and vulnerable and expose yourself for what you really are, like just, hey, this is out there. And I know, always tempered by knowledge of what emotional strength should look like. You know, I know I shouldn't be affected. I know I should be stronger. Like when you're working out, I know I should be lifting a certain weight eventually. That's my goal. You have a goal. But you're not there yet. So you just say it. And you know what will happen is she gets addicted to the vulnerability. And you end up creating drama for her. That becomes very addictive. Like, oh my God. You know, really? She's gonna think, really? You care that much about me? And here I'm like struggling like, no, I don't want you, but I do. But no, I don't want you, but I do. Now you can see that this could actually become a technique if you're a really good actor. You could use it. And you know, some people have. And it's also always just, just keep in mind, it's always most powerful when it's honest. And it's also best for your happiness. If you're just expressing yourself honestly, you're not hiding anything. You just put it all out there. And it takes a lot of strength, emotional strength to do this, right? It takes a certain level of maturity already to do that. But the stronger you get emotionally, the more powerful honesty will be for you as an expression. The more powerful, the more strong, the stronger emotionally you be, you become, the more powerful honesty will be for you. So the step here is to simply, as you're doing this, why am I feeling this and why? You're gonna be coming up against your vulnerabilities, your insecurities, your weaknesses. You need to be comfortable and content with those. Not content in the sense that you're not gonna work with them, but you're gonna have to deal with them as, hey, don't be ashamed of them. Let's say you're a skinny guy at the gym or you're a fat guy at the gym. You're not there yet. You haven't met your goals yet. But if you hide it, you're not gonna work at it, right? You've gotta just put it out up front. For example, let's say your plan is to lose 20 kilograms in two months, which is actually quite a lot. So 20 kilograms in two months. And as you get to the sixth week mark, you're making good progress. You're feeling good. You know, you've lost 15 kilograms and you're feeling good. And then you hit that two month mark and damn it, you got there. 20 kilograms of fat gone, right? Then you celebrate. Three days later, you just gained three kilograms. The end of that first week, you get back at five. Now you feel like, shit, shit, I backslided. I backslid. Now I'm at 15. Notice that objectively speaking, you're the same weight as you were in the sixth week. But in the sixth week, you felt great. But now in the ninth week, you feel like, shit, why? Because it's not about the objective measure, right? It's not about how good you are objectively speaking. It's about progress and trajectory. Do you see an upward trend? Are you getting better and better every day? That's what's important. So if you're not, you can be comfortable and content with where you are now, as long as you're getting better and better. That's what will make you happy and will give you that rock solid confidence. It doesn't matter whether you get there actually. Because if you get there, you've reached your goal and you don't progress, you're gonna plateau and you're only gonna go down. So what matters the most is that you're making progress. How can you be comfortable and content with your flaws, Dave? You know, that's what you're gonna ask me, right? If you're making good progress, maybe you haven't fixed it all yet. Maybe you're still needy a little bit. Maybe you still get attached too easily. Or maybe you're still insecure about your height or your race or your weight or whatever. That's fine. Put it out there. Say, you know, when you said that, you know, that little jab against me, I'm still pretty sensitive about my weight. I know I shouldn't be, I'm trying to work on it. But man, that hurt. Damn it. That's real power. When whatever you're thinking and feeling, you just put it out there. You notice a great example of this is eight mile at the end. When Eminem did that wrap off, right? And the guy was like, man, they got all this shit on you. What did they say all this and all this and all this? What did he do? He just put it out there. He said, hey, you know, you're gonna say all this. Yes, I live in my mom's trailer. Yes, I got jumped by you dudes. Yes, all of this shit happened. You know, but I know something about you. You know, I mean, put that out there. But he was just honest. When you have brutal honesty, nobody can hurt you because you have nothing to hide. If you have nothing to hide, you're indestructible. So this is how to use honesty to make yourself stronger. That's the inner, well, that's the inner. This is the outer of how to express it, the thought processes you're going through and how to be cool with yourself even if you're not your ideal self yet, which is probably never gonna happen. Because if you're progressing in life, it never ends. Your life would, hopefully you'll be progressing all the way to the end. So what matters is the progress. What matters is the journey, not the goal. And the stronger you get emotionally, the more powerful honesty will be for you. All right, I wanna thank you for listening so attentively. Carpe Diem sees a day and make your life extraordinary. All right guys, David Tien, that was awesome. Questions we got? Questions. All right, one second, one second. Let me just pass the mic. Well, that was unreal. Thank you. Thank you. That's been honest. I guess my insecurity, I know it's gonna be specific, but it's, it's hard. It's my disability. Okay. So would it still be the same with reframing and? Can you tell me vaguely? It's cerebral palsy. Okay. That physically impacts my muscular development basically. Right, okay. Yeah, so your disability. I haven't worked with anyone specifically that disability, but I've worked with people who have other physical disabilities, medical disabilities. And one of my good friends is now, used to be a fitness trainer, now he can't train because of a certain genetic thing. So it, I can, I understand, partly understand where you're coming from. And what you need, what I would say is, let's go back to the inner, because that's the most important, that's the first step, is that you're gonna start off with your research, right? Now, I'm not even sure if it will directly impact, but let's say it will, and you can't change it. So you're gonna do research, and then you're gonna do conditioning. You're gonna look for people, maybe, so you're gonna look for guys who have physical disabilities along the same line, may not be exactly the same. But I've worked with clients who have hearing impairments, severe hearing impairments, or vision impairments. And what's amazing to me is actually, there are quite a few really powerful guys who also have those impairments. Lou Ferrigno was deaf in one year, and he had achieved so much in his life, you know, Mr. Universe and then in TV and movies. And that's an example, I mean, that's just one example. You could just do more and more of that. And then you condition your mind into seeing that it's not actually going to be so much of a, I'll just start off just a real surface level reframe for you, is that obviously the more research I can do, the better it will be. But if a girl finds out about your disability, then it will, it's already a screen. Like, can you handle that? I'm an amazing guy, but can you handle that? How cool are you? Any girl who will stay with you past that is going to show herself as being somebody that is mature enough or cool enough for you that will work for you. You don't want a superficial girl, I mean, it's not just about the sex, right? So that's a great way to screen a girl right off the front, and she can't say anything about that. It's not like she can make fun of you. And it's great because my Trump card is always racism. If someone gives me that, some racist comment, I just say, excuse me, are you racist? And I'm not gonna confront them, I'm just gonna make it very loud. And I'll just make it, that's that one word, I just throw it out, make it a bit louder. Are you racist? You know, just like, what can she say to that? Like, she's gonna have to tone it down, I just want. So if you're honest with yourself, you're not ashamed of who you are, but you think actually, this is who I am, and it's a condition that I have. But it means that I'm gonna have to compensate in other areas of my life to be stronger. Like I had a client who didn't have use of his legs. So he just ended up working his upper body, became like super jacked, his upper body, and could like lift himself everywhere, it was insane. Like he could do, what do you call those, the muscle-ups on the pull-up bar? Just like I was doing pull-ups, like he just, and what's really cool is that it will force you to be stronger in other areas. And if you can do that, then you've got the compensation there, and you condition the belief that this is actually for your own good, and one way you can think of it is it will help you screen the women that you meet, and the people that you meet. And I would even consider using that early on, like first five minutes or so, put it out there. You're welcome. Okay, right, so I have to run back and forth. All right, go for it. How honest should you be? Can you tell white lies, and should you tell people what you think about them if it will hurt them? Or cause problems, like a fight or a debate? So, when I say honesty, I mean at first with yourself, honest with yourself and your insecurities. That's why for this example, I use limiting beliefs. So, if you think somebody else is a fucking douchebag, you don't have to tell them, because that's not about yourself, right? And if it's white lies or white, white lies are great. That's one of the basis of flirting, right? So, you can tell lots of white lies. A lie is white if she knows that it's a lie, or she suspects that it's a lie, and you don't care if she finds out, cause that's why it's funny, right? So, white lies are great. This is not about white lies. This is specifically, in this case, targeting your own insecurities, and just self lies. Lies to yourself about yourself. So, first be honest about where you are, and then just express that. Yeah, especially when it comes to other people, if it's about them, there are plenty of times when you don't want to tell them what you really think, cause it's just not gonna help anything. Yeah, thank you for that question and that clarification. Other questions? Sure, right, yes. Okay, so you're saying that with cerebral policy, in your case, it's actually a strength, because they find it exotic, but to an extent, cause you wouldn't use it in a club, you'd say it was a football injury. Great, actually that's, it raises another great point that a clarification I should have made. When you're flirting and it doesn't bother you, then this won't come up. Like you're in the flow, and you're gonna say whatever the fuck you want, just say whatever the fuck you want. It's only when you've been hit, you feel that something inside you is off. Maybe she just made a joke about people with cerebral policy, not knowing that you have it, and that hurt, and now if you say, oh, it's a football injury, it's gonna feel bad, cause you're like denying yourself. That's when you bring it out. But you don't even have to say, if you don't want to, that you have cerebral policy. You can just also use intrigue. I have this disability, I don't think you can handle it. I don't think you can handle it. Yeah, so yeah, yeah, right. And then let her ask for it, let her work for it, you know? And then maybe on the date you'll tell her. I don't know, I don't know, I still doubt you, I don't know if you can handle it, but we'll see. You know, then you got your third leg to work on. So you've got other questions. Okay, so Steve, you're asking about the difference, or the relation between pride and honesty in the context of this talk. So can you explain how you see them as being in conflict? Yeah, I totally, yeah, okay, great. Cause yeah, coming out of a Christian context, pride is like the cardinal sin. So whenever I hear it, I'm like, I don't want to be associated with it, but yeah, actually that's what I'm trying to say. When I say you got to be proud of who you are, that's exactly, if that's what you mean by pride. Pride can also mean I feel better than the next guy, or I want to be better than the next guy. I think that's in a Christian context, and that's why that could be dangerous. But if it's just that you're not ashamed of who you are, if you're not ashamed of who you are, you just put it out there. That's the honesty part of it. And in fact, you can't really be proud of who you, maybe there are the parts of you that you're not proud of yet. You pay lip service to it. Theoretically, you know you should be proud of it because I'm telling you do, but you haven't actually done anything about it. When a girl challenges you about it, you just pretend like it's not true. Maybe you say, you know, I get some football injury. You don't want to tell her, for instance. Being honest is what will force the pride to come through. Maybe the first time you say it, you don't feel it, but you just train it. And eventually when you put yourself out there and over time, it's just out there for everyone to see, then you'll be a lot more proud of it. So the honesty will support the pride. Great question. Thank you. Thank you very much.