 Are you still having a good time on a white in the morning? We really hope so because it's a hard to spread the show around. I keep telling you and if you can prove me different, do so. I tried to find on Facebook at white254channel on to the hashtag is white in the morning. It's a beautiful Monday and you know we're doing it with our kings and we're crushing on them. And we have a very interesting topic that has somehow also slightly gotten miscommunicated or misunderstood. But maybe that's the whole point. I don't know. It's called reverse psychology. But first let's do what we do best. Karibisha again. Good morning. Good morning. Don't pretend. Good job. So you are a very new face to our panel. It's your first time on TV? Yeah, and thank you for giving me this one. Really? You're so calm and cool, confident. You're sure this is your first time on TV? No, I've done many TV back here. There you go. Okay, I can tell. What's your good name? Zulu Benjamin. Zulu. As in Shaka Zulu. Wow. Alright, what do you do Zulu? I'm a clinical psychologist and a corporate trainer, public speaker. Other things but for now we can talk about that. I'm also a lawyer. But here I'm here for a clinical psychologist and a life coach. Okay, do you have social media handles? Yes. Facebook with Zulu Benjamin. Twitter and Instagram with Zulu Benjamin is zero. Gmail with Zulu Benjamin is at Gmail. I'd like to finish the Queen's if that's okay with you. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome. Wow. My name is Isaac. There's a fan who DMed me last time told me that. No, what did he say? You're now famous, don't introduce yourself. Now I was like, I can say one name and get away with it. But you can continue DMing me at Blessed Isaac on Twitter and Instagram. Let me have to keep saying my name as if. Just say it. It's okay, it's okay. Hi Queen. Hi. Is this your first time with us? Yeah. Welcome, is this your first time on TV? Yes. Yeah. No, you're sure? Yes. You look as confident as he is. What is your good name? I'm Jane Gesare. Where do we find your social media? Tini Girl. I have a handbag collection. Wow. Yeah, called Tini Girl. Tini Girl collection. We need to discuss this way. Okay, I did not know that about it. Is it good things happen when you come to work on a Monday morning? No. Yes, yes. So, we are talking about reverse psychology. And since you're the expert among us, what do you feel, or how would you explain reverse psychology to be? Let's begin here by saying that in life, it's important to be indirect. Reverse psychology is a skill in life. It can be used positively or negatively. Reverse psychology is like a weapon or a gun or a skill. You use it for what you want it to do. It's a neutral skill. It's a skill that can be used positively or negatively. It's a skill. It's simply encouraging the opposite of what you really want. Simply encouraging the opposite of what I really want. If you want somebody to listen to you, you start by telling them, I should not be telling you this. Then they pay attention. If you want somebody to give you attention, you start by not giving them yours. That explains a lot. That explains a lot. Guys, are you getting some epiphanies? Like, I am tofunguakiliaki. All right, let's get straight to the slides so that we can... I'm so glad you're here. Are you guys ready? Yes. All right, so please, if we can, get into the slides. So we got a couple of scenarios and then put them up together. And here is one. Reverse psychology 101. Basically, we're going to center this around relationships, boy-girl relationships, not necessarily courtship or marriage, just somewhere around dating and situationship. So we have reverse psychology. You find messages on his phone. You leave angry. And then when you're ready to talk, he's deleted all the evidence and pretends to have zero recollection. So there you are. You went... For whatever reason, you had his phone. You read his messages. And then you caught five or 10 feelings, decided to cry, get emotional, then walk out. So now when you're actually ready to talk about it, there's no messages to talk about. Like, there's nothing. It's a zip. So he's just waiting for you there. Like, okay, let's talk about this. How do you... You can relate. I can see you're laughing. And this actually was a true story. Someone was telling me on Friday. And the guys aren't telling me. Leave alone the chick. The guy telling me, I'm like, Hey, Atee, bro, you did what? Yeah. I did not admit. I just looked at her and waited for her to say something. But there was no evidence thereafter. How would you play this out for you? It's hard. Since you don't have any evidence about that. That's what you saw? You saw by yourself. He was not there. So that means you were crazy? I think he can think you're crazy. For that situation, it's hard for you to make yourself clear about the thing that you saw on his phone. So you saw something that really hurt you? At least when you have evidence about what you saw, you can have a fight about it. But now there's no fight because he knows you saw something you weren't supposed to see. Okay. That's now between you and your god. That's now between you and your god. But there's no evidence anymore. So it didn't happen. Do you know these guys? Do you know these guys they can pretend like? Don't talk to me like that. You're being accused. No, men conference. Hey! Deny, deny, deny. I've seen active participants. As long as even if you saw it and asked me, I would still say it's not me. It's not me. Even caught in the act. It's not you. Yeah, because what we're being taught, we have very good teachers at men's conference. And they're telling us if there are some messages, of course you can't confirm from the messages that I did something. The fact that you saw some messages in my phone doesn't mean that I did anything. And if I delete them, they are no longer, they are just accepting me. Why did you delete them in the first place if they were not in it? Because the rule of men's conference dictates so. So I just delete them and then we continue. Okay, talk to me. Jokes aside, because these are people, hey, goja. The words were disappearing. These are people's feelings that are getting hurt. And it's not fun in games anymore. Now people are getting angry and hurting each other or hurting themselves. So what do we do? When you're in relationships, avoid being direct and reactive. You'll get many more results. Don't come confused. So what did I see? If he has already deleted, apply now reverse psychology. Act disinterested in the conversation. Move on as though nothing happened. He will be haunted. I'm to appeal to you, Billy. Billy, I'm to appeal to you. You need emotional energy to contain your anger because he has hidden the evidence. But now you need to throw him into the dark by acting the way you did not expect. You put up a fight, give a blank screen. Proceed as though nothing has happened. You just continue. Even take his phone and start taking selfie. As though. But he can see part of you is with the drone. You see, you're not encouraging that kind of nonsense. But because he has taken away the evidence, your next option is reverse psychology of playing on his emotional emotions because he knows he's guilty. So he proceeds as though he saw nothing. Something had happened, but he has hidden it. So okay, let's move on. He will not sleep. You'll be wondering, what's up on your sleep? When he sees you boiling water, how do you know? I thought it's something I can't do. So I help boiling water. I help boiling water. So he would start. He would be haunted. I wonder how come I'm your mother? I have heard guys who after cheating and hiding it and denying it, the girl stopped reacting and acted no more. The guy was too haunted. He had to come back and confess. Because you don't know how come I'm with the drone and I'm after your fight. And I know I'm wrong. So next time a guy does something and he disarms you with evidence and you can't put up a fight, go the reverse direction. Okay. I'm going to apply this today. Let's vent tomorrow. Today, today, today. You're going to save me. All you need is emotional energy to contain your anger. You can have a girlfriend with whom you vent your things, but apply it. Because if you want a faithful man and you put up with this, in your relationship, what you put up with, you will end up with. And you are stating your boundaries that there's a nonsense. There's a line you will not be crossed. At that time, when you're withdrawing and you're acting no more, but you're emotional, that bumpering is not there. You remove it because you're being offended. You're hunting. But awkwardly, you're acting okay. Do everything you need to do. You need it to cook. Do it. But you can see you're doing it mechanically. But I don't think it applies to all men. Where do you think it fails a little bit? I think they can see it's like their usual habits. Because you didn't put up a fight, rather. So it's okay. I'll do it next time. How gay? It's a topic of the day, like every and every time. I think it can apply to some, but not all men. Thank you for bringing that up. It's a woman. What kind of man did you want? It's a good question. If he repeats it, he's telling you this is who I am. Take him and leave me. So manzoni to Kianza, we're going to talk a faithful man. If you wanted a faithful man, you're asking, is that what I signed up for? Because I assume by the time you came to the relationship there was some understanding of what you're looking for versus who he is. You gave him a chance to prove that he's the one. Isaac, talk to us. No. Why are you hurting? All men are faithful. Only that sometimes we are tempted and sometimes we fall. In fact, I had Kenan men are the most faithful. We don't fall again. So if you want a faithful man, we are many. We are many. And you know what it means by faithful? Freelancer. Oh wow. This came when you were a keyword. Why don't we... Why are we giving men a special place? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know whether they will continue to think they can accept or not. Sasaske, what is the problem? Why don't you feel the same way? There are some things that... Okay. Now you're going to say we've been empowered too much, isn't it? Yes. Now, what is the problem? End of the story. Did I read your mind? Yes. A little bit. So you've said everything. All I need is just to confirm it's thick. Where is the problem coming in? In the relationship you're always pushing boundaries. It's about power. Don't forget, just because you're blinded by love and romance and all these romance and these feelings, don't forget the dynamics of power. We also want to know how much power do I have? How much control do I have? So it's about... The lady, when you come into the relationship, remember you're in a vulnerable position because the society is biased towards men. You can hear one of them telling us I'm a mutual man. You can... Boy child. Society is biased towards men and expecting the women to hold on irrespective of what. The only time you have to per game is before you purchase. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I wish I didn't have to drop. But the only time... You can per game is before you purchase. Oh my gosh. So before you go to the final part of the contract, now you're one item. When you're on this side, be very firm. Once you get in there, even if you're very beautiful, beauty fades with exposure. Why? I don't know. I'm telling you, if you're a man, you're going to be a woman. If you're a man, you're going to be a woman. So now that you're an angel so far, at that time raise your standards and put things in writing and contract. Just like that. If you compromise out here, it will collapse in there. But you're not invited in men's contract. Okay, okay, okay. Let's get to another scenario. So here we go. At WhiteFive on Facebook, at WhiteFive on Twitter, hashtag is white in the morning. Let's go. You make plans for the weekend and then he forgets. You see pictures of him on social media having a great time. Meanwhile, he told you he was home sick. So you make plans for the weekend. Then he said he forgot or whatever. Or he actually did genuinely forget. Then it goes out to this voice that nothing happened. And then you, you kept your feelings, kept them, kept them. On Monday you're there. Sato, I'm so sorry I was home sick. Meanwhile, you just from double tapping a picture with him and his boys chilling at the coolest club out here. What do you do now? For what? Now let me tell you, it was an anniversary. I could say it was Valentine's. Even once your birthday. For me, we will have a talk first. Really? How will the talk go? How sick were you? Had you kind of a clubbing? How sick were you? I was giving her free medication. If there was a doctor there. If there was a doctor? Of course. Alpha is the doctor there. Okay. Help me understand. What would you tell her? Assuming you're in a relationship and this dynamic was now between you two. What would you say? No leads to how to. You didn't mean any malice by it. You just forgot and you just went out to travel. I'll be honest and say I was sick. Because sickness can come anytime. So I've seen you've said, I posted some pictures and everything. It's not even you posted because you need to keep your story in check. Someone else posted and you were there in front doing faces. Your low weekend. Maybe. I can just say I was sick and that is it. Just stop there. Deny, deny, deny. I was sick. Yes, I was sick. In men's conference. So sick you had to be taken out. In fact, when you were leaving the premises you had to be carried because of the way you were sick. Maybe I was having a little depression. So by going out, I actually went for treatment. But the fact remains I was sick. Yeah. Talk to me. Whenever you feel you're avoided by someone you never disturb them again. Whenever you feel you're avoided. Number two, whenever you feel you're lied by someone stop asking them to edit the lie for a better one. Are you sure? But you said, but ah, the other time you also so now you're looking for, you're trying to make it true. She hinted at the right approach. Remember I'm trying to empower you as a woman. When they use lies, don't come direct. Direct confrontation is a cake, there are some leaves you worked up. Even if you win the argument, you have not won the person. We call it the theory of victory. You win the argument, but at a very high cost to your emotion, to your peace, to your mental stability. Reverse psychology is the way to avoid you being the one to fight. Putting him in that state that he has to prove himself by hinting that you saw the reality. And wondering in a reverse way, in a sarcastic sort of way. Wow. I actually saw you at the hospital called you name the club. Wow. Where the nightmare looks like this. And you leave it here. So he put up explanations, explanations, but you never ask for the explanation. We just withdraw. It's upon him now to pursue you and make amends. But if you come to him, go to the club, quarrel, you in the reactive mode. He actually can flip the side and say your overreaction is the problem here. Isaac is not liking the secrets we are being. This guy is removing all our clothes. So? And airing them out. Niceliness. You find it rough. I am going to present a petition. I will never come back here again. At White Paper Facebook, at White Paper channel, Twitter hashtag is one in one. I want to take it back just a little bit when you started and said when you feel like you're being not, when you feel like you're being, yeah, you avoid them. Just leave them alone. Never disturb them again. Why would you say that? Because, I want to tell you one statement that will help you. Your emotions are stronger than your mind. It's an unpleasant reality, but just wake up to it. Protect your emotions because they affect you more. And whenever you love someone, you open your heart to them. They deeper the love, they deeper the influence, they deeper the heart. Regard love as a thorn piercing into your heart. The deeper it is, if the person shakes, they shake you that much. Come on, party out your emotions and they're being responsible with them. Lying to you. Not being honest to you. You need to pull back your emotions. And we say it, remember the way to back game is before you get into permanent arrangements. And most of us, when we are young, we are into experiment of I'm married, thank God. So I'm telling you from experience, I did these things, but I'm only four months married. But I'm ahead of it. Congratulations. Thank you. Four months. I had been looking for two years plus. We have many women, but wife materials are hard to find. Just like we have one, how many women, how many women are chachi. I don't have a wife material. I'll tell you. So we're saying, when a person avoids you, hides from you, lies to you and goes to another place, respect yourself enough by not running after them. You are worthy to be ran after yourself. Just let them know you know the truth and live it there. Don't put up a fight. I've seen this happening to females that correct me if I'm wrong. They confront you. You've done something wrong. But maybe you as a guy, you don't want to change. You want to... This is just how you are. Come out, tell me. Tell me. Life will just be like that. But now, to make you feel guilty, now she uses reverse psychology and starts to cry. And she cries and she cries. Apparently, she doesn't know what to do. So now, because now you've cried, now it's going to feel bad and to change for you. Is that in reality, what's going on? On the ground. You will let it be but you won't change its character. You can paint on tanke to look like a zebra but it's still a tanke. Wait, wait. I'm two years old and I don't know how to say volume. I don't know how to say volume. I don't know how to say volume. You are a choker. Hey, what's going on? Mom came. We should have done this for WCW but it's okay. There's something spiritual about tears. Tears, I'll tell you in psychology of tears later. Tears are both romantic. The sadness in tears is very moving and there's something deep about tears. So even if a lady is faking, many times they use it for just manipulation. The man is touched. Even now you go to the street, you and start crying. People will pay attention. But if you cry to make a man do something for you, you will have an effect of influence over him there but it will not be long lasting. If you wanted something long lasting, be as dry and cold and detached as possible. Study this man as a specimen. What am I doing with him? Analyze him. Remember this. People's behavior hardly ever occur once. They always repeat. So don't rebuke what happened today and think you have changed him. He will just make sure you don't learn about it as often. Do you understand my Pythagoras? Okay. So I did this the last time and I got caught. So I'll do this and that. This guy is tired. Isaac is tired. He's about to leave the set. As we're just here just drinking your wisdom. Ask a question. Why are you feeling like this? Is it true? All these things you can confirm them to be true? Those things are not true. Why? Not true. Actually, men don't lie. We like being indirect. There's a difference between lying and being indirect. For example, let me just give an immediate example. I like using restaurants. I've decided to go with someone. We're just drinking and having a chat. And then somebody sees me there and either sends a text or calls my fiancee that I've seen your boyfriend somewhere with someone they're drinking, they're really enjoying. And then you come. When you come you know you're ready maybe for everything. So when I say when you ask me who is this and I tell you it's my twin sister, I'm not lying. I'm just being indirect. To save the situation. So this issue of men I'm not faithful men. That's not real. It's true. What is wrong with this generation of young men who will do anything not to be serious? They would rather jump off a cliff than admit the truth or be accountable or say I had your feelings. Sorry. I will not personalize but I think the way Isaac is acting to show us how men are. Yeah. And it's not all of them. Yeah. It's not all of them. Let me tell you something. You need to factor several things when you deal with the boy child. Their age. They prefer to context this part of your brain that is responsible for reasoning. To process what? Prefrontal cortex. To finish my caring at 25. So before boys are 25 they are still boys. They are experimenting. So asking them to be committed is asking a class one child to sit still for the whole day and not to play. Yeah. You are ready now? Boys need to play. They need to experiment. Their identity is in flux. They don't know yet what they want. Asking them to be faithful with one person tying them down. They want you but not you alone. Do you feel like you know what you want? I don't know what age you are at and I will not ask but I want to know do you think you know what you want? Yes. You know what you want? Yes. What do you think you want in a relationship? A person who will be there are responsible men. Yeah. And a good friend. The one I can share all my secrets with not the one that you tell him whether I was with my... A square song. Yeah. A song. What do you know about a responsible man? When I get at around lab 11 he is not out of work yet. But babe can you pass that that boot you bring us mates? So I will tell him and I will tell him that he will be there but you need supper like then then. Yeah that's been responsible and other in other sectors. And I feel like financially stable is quite important. Yes. Yes. Is financial stability and being young is that disconnected? Let's announce to ladies that you should stop dating boys who grown tall. Just kidding. Wait! Can we keep him guys? Please! Can you stay on why? Boys differentiate when boys grow beards and women. All a tough tandem. So the call is that to determine a man money is a must how would I provide for you? A man is supposed to be the 3 P the protector the provider there is another called a priest as in even when you are whatever. So if you can't call the guy you are dating a mentor on one respect a brother on one respect a lover on another respect my spouse on another respect he is not good for you. He is supposed to be a package of all of them. True. True. True. True. Not true. Very true. Not true. I want to disagree. As much as we want all these things to happen one thing we must know that a man will not have everything all the time but a woman will at least have something at some point number one and then sometimes I don't understand how our ladies define responsibility if you tell me to do something today and then I don't do it doesn't mean I don't like doing maybe I do not have but when you come to me telling me that I will not accept your nonsense in this relationship what are you trying to say look at this your mother and your father they actually condoned each other's nonsense and they give back to you they took care of you and now some of us we are here we are busy talking so who are you Jesus I think I didn't say you see we should not look for perfection but then we must not mistake that with maturity because we need to know that everybody has weaknesses but having wickedness is your own problem Wow Thank you So being dishonest being responsible being flighty being unstable being always broke you know evasive you never vilable where where that's your problem where where Thank you let me say something you are not a psycho you are a pastor actually and should be a judge because men are never broke only that sometimes they don't have money money are not wicked we are just weak in a way we understand so these are things that we must understand yeah thank you for bringing that up ladies marry men who have weaknesses because all of them have them true but don't marry a man who is dishonest we call it character flaws you must never condone them because they are deliberate like being dishonest a pastor forgets often like being forget I have a weakness I went to the market when I was young with a bicycle and I forgot it there that's an example of forgetfulness but a pastor who hides truth from you they are dishonest we are not dishonest we are going to keep okay let me just see another slide for you let's read another slide for you way but Isaac that's wet Leo wet to my foot wet to my foot channel Twitter hashtag is where in the morning I am having a great time are you please do talk to us another one do men use the method to attract or convince a woman to date them and this is referring to reverse psychology so do they use reverse psychology as a method to attract or to convince women to go to them do you think that's what is that what guys do let me start with Isaac using a method correct use it like for example you earn 10,000 you pay 7,000 rent at least you stay in a decent place when a lady visits you at least you are organized so that's a method you show that perhaps you're flashy maybe you're not because I know women women like those who are flashy if your house is organized and your wallet is disorganized my house is organized and my wallet is disorganized you see it's very easy for you to see my house is organized my wallet you may not know if you can pay for her taxi and you have that big screen there you spend 70% of your paying rent answer his question volume let this you are talking about girls let's talk about women women value responsibility and fast sadness call it flashy flashy life so if you have this big screen but she can see some things of your life out of place that's as caring that's a red flag for her your priorities are in the wrong place it was better you told her I'm still living in a bed-sitter because I'm paying my fees because I'm supporting my sibling because she will not be able to see those fees you're paying but she can hear maturity talking hey not to force and drive a Subaru why she does not have school fees thank you she could not have jammed your Subaru story that's a boy that's a boy grown beards but a man is thinking about tomorrow where shall we be men start sending texts this guy is too much now can I ask that question briefly men do use reverse psychology to arouse interest in you but remember this don't use reverse psychology as a bug gaming tool use it as a last resort you wanted this girl she is not showing interest she is acting this hard to get act the same hard to get also act decent actually now as an actress though you're also leaving if she was only bugging she would reach out if she was serious you would observe yourself quality time for the next fight at the bank see you then later alright so we have Mumo Phillip on White Five on Facebook says Isaac saying men are indirect I totally disagree with him oh big colleagues paid a spade big spoon is not the same then Alan Aguero says I feel like it's another way girl them they're who are not to be my boy child we're always focused watching from Siokimau it's okay saviour says he tactics in this idea I use it all the time how I remember me and Janje so he constantly constantly uses reverse psychology Mumo Phillip has even tagged Zulu Benjamin unleashing with Dome the only time you can bargain is before I'm telling you these things I'm just going to be using them today today alright so is it addictive can the habit be forgotten I started by saying reverse psychology can be used for constructive relationship like you have a child who is dropping out of school then you tell them your headmaster actually said you you are good for nothing so how so the boy you know how to prove the headmaster wrong by studying well another way is you can use it constructively for if you want to a person's attention as you say just act like you don't expect them to be that good anyway but if you are a manipulator this is also very dangerous too or if you are the victim of manipulation for example the guy is cheating but he accuses you of cheating so that you you are so busy defending yourself that you have no time to notice he is the one cheating or you are laughing these things happen you see how as we've kept quiet we know what's going on here you want to deny to deny allow him to tell us so because and I'll go back and forth and on and I'll go back and forth where you send me prove where you are there and another when you are busy proving you are there you will have no time to see also where he is and who he is with another way people use it to manipulate and put you in a place always defending is when they know that you are about to attack them they bring up a quarrel out of the pettiest thing because they are anticipating you to they were anticipating a fight about another religion they bring an issue over nothing so because they anticipate this they act the other one to keep you busy with that other smaller thing so that they get away with this one be very careful with those people this is what we say whenever people are explaining what they are saying most likely it's not truth truth never needs so much support doesn't need so much explanation a story that is windy so we shall say the longer the explanation the less the truth inside which is true at a CC when you want to lie about something you know and then this happen and then this happen but if it's a truth this is what happens actually it takes a long conversation to convince someone we are not falling for it in between but in between there is a lie I want you to very briefly under 30 seconds or just about there I want you to tell them out there the young people the people maybe who are just don't really know what dating is they don't know what courtship is and I want them to understand you can decide whether it's an experiment it's fine I am an experiment okay but when you are joking you should not be joking yourself to someone who is experimenting there is something I have come to learn a guy can be very intentional with you first of the bat like this is what I want with you even an attacker so this is what I am doing so they can be able to do this for you or with you yes so I want you to communicate especially to the young girls because these boys out here they say many things and their heart and feelings but when you are joking you should not be joking although this is man crush Monday please give us wisdom if you are a lady and you are 22 23 and below don't take your emotions too seriously allow yourself to experiment these people who are in love after one day I love you yes focus madam I have come to call age 22 the age of mistakes I have so many girls who messed up at 22 and I want to ask them allow room for growing and even dealing with a guy who is below 25 also leave a room for change he might still be developing not all of them though but majority still don't know where they want where they are yet proceed to the relationship but leave room for anything and I am a practicing psychologist my office is at Tengara I told them I am at Zulu Benjamin Facebook Jimin is also Zulu Benjamin and Jimin Twitter and Instagram Zulu Benjamin is zero Zulu Benjamin is zero at the end I will be very happy to assist anybody individually that's very nice of you Can you would you like to say a couple of things before we log out it can be hard it's the first time that you are starting a relationship and life is it has a cycle you won't get a man and say now I am marrying this guy you will have to pass through some cycle so that you can find the right guy you will learn from mistakes plus too I really encourage people to pray about pray about that man that you want I think I don't think but I am so sure that God will give you what you want but you have to show that you you really want this not only jokers like you are praying for this but you are here there there you have to be constant in one thing So Isaac hey it's been a long show man this guy has come with a lot of wisdom today truth is permanent right let's think about what this guy said then we just judge ourselves we know ourselves good that's it all right Mimmi in Dakwambia he said a very important thing that reverse psychology can be used for good and it can be used for evil let's use it for good guys yeah yes so if you want to look at what for for channel Twitter hashtag it's white the morning thank you for your feedback we have had a great one you have an amazing day and we'll see you tomorrow same time same play bye that's where we wait bye bye