 Mother, is Maxwell House the best coffee in the whole world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best. Yes, it's Father Knows Best, transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young as father. A half-hour visit with your neighbors, the Anderson's, brought to you by Maxwell House. The coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee at any price. Maxwell House, always good to the last drop. Say curiosity once killed a cat, a fate that's both proper and fitting. So why not give thanks for the good fortune that lets you pry yet not die like a kitten? The point we're trying to make is that curiosity is not confined to cats. It's a human frailty as well. And when it comes to frailties, well, we doubt that you'll find anyone quite as human or as frail as our dear friends in Springfield, the Anderson's, like this. Margaret, may I say that in my long years as a lover of good red beef, never has a more succulent morsel passed my lips? Well, thank you, dear. What'd he say? He liked the roast beef. Oh! And now as a fitting climax to an unforgettable repast, may I be favored with a cup of Mr. Maxwell's Finest? Of course, dear. But? He wants his coffee. Oh! There you are. Thank you. From the bottom of a happy and carefree heart, I say thank you. What's the matter with him? He sold a big policy this afternoon. Oh! Farley Granger. What was that, dear? Janey said it was Farley Granger, as if she knew. Realizing full well that I ought to have my brains examined, still I ask, what about Farley Granger? There isn't any reason at all for thinking that's who she meant. Who, who meant? Hedda Hopper. Betty. Just a moment, dear. These things must be approached delicately. We've got to sneak up on them or they fly away. Tell me, Betty, how's everything down around the gas works? Father, Janey Liggett said that Hedda Hopper meant Farley Granger in her column, which is just ridiculous. He never even goes to places like that. There you are, Margaret. You see, everything's all cleared up. That's nice. May I have a cream of sugar, please? Here you are, Dad. Thank you. All right, Kathy, let's not dawdle. Mommy and Daddy, you're in a hurry. Yes, Mommy. Oh, why do they do things like that? Like what, dear? Put things like that in the paper. Well, I tried it once and it didn't hurt much. All right, Betty. What do they put in the paper? Things like this. Here, I cut it out. Hmm. What young and handsome star was seen leaving what sunset-stripped nightclub with what blonde young starlet? Isn't that exasperating. Is that the whole thing? Yes. And Janey has the nerve to say it's Farley Granger. She does? She certainly does. Isn't that stupid? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Why, anyone with half an eye can see they mean lassie. Father. Well, look at it. Blonde, young. Oh, you mean the boy. Father, it is not funny. No? No, and I don't think you have any right to laugh at me. Your father wasn't laughing at you, dear. He certainly was. Now, wait a minute. Do you mean you're going to let a little thing like this upset you? It isn't a little thing. How would you feel if you didn't know who it was? I think I'd pull through somehow. Well, at least they ought to give you a hint. Dan, just a minute, bud. Betty, let's say you do figure out who they mean. Then what? Well, then I'll know. You know what they said about curiosity? Kill the cat. And this whole thing is nothing but a silly attempt to satisfy your morbid curiosity. I have to know things, don't I? Not things like who came out of where with what. That's being curious about the most meaningless sort of trivia. What's trivia? I wouldn't care if it was something important, but how can you sit there and make yourself miserable about something that doesn't amount to a row of beans in the first place? Daddy. What is it, Kathy? What's trivia? Trivia are things that are trivial. They're unimportant. Why? Because they don't amount to anything. Like this whole conversation. Attaboy, dad. Bud. I was agreeing with him. Peter Lofford. I'll bet that's who it was. Betty. He's young and goes out with... Betty. Yes, father? I don't care if it's Groucho Marx on a white horse. Forget about it. But I only said... I said forget about it. Jumping creepers. Daddy, what's... And I don't want any trouble with you, either. Do something. Jim, I don't think you're being very nice. Nice? How can anybody be nice when he's being smothered in quiz kids? Just because the children ask a few innocent questions. Honey, they don't do anything but ask questions. From the time they get up in the morning until they go to bed at night. Who's on first? What's on which? It's enough to make a man commit harakiri. What's harakiri? Now look, Kathy. Leave your father alone, dear. He's in one of those moods. One of what moods? I was in a wonderful mood. Wasn't I, bud? Well... I was so full of roast beef I loved everybody in the whole world. The milk of humankind was practically oozing out of me. Wasn't it, bud? Well... My children don't want a father. They want an encyclopedia with ears. Well... But... You bet, dad. What? What you said. Yes, sir. Richard Carlson. That's who it was. Margaret, I think I'll go for a walk. A long walk. All right, dear. And if you happen to pass the ligates, be sure to drop in. The ligates? We're going to their party, remember? Oh, say, we'd better hurry up. You didn't tell me what harakiri was. You mean harakiri. She means harakiri. She does? She most certainly does. See? Yes, Kathy. What is it? Margaret, do all children ask as many questions as ours? How do you stand it? All mothers have a system. When they reach a point just one degree short of hysterics, they go shopping. Well, I suppose that's as good an excuse as any. Jim, I'm so glad you mentioned it. Mentioned what? Shopping. I mentioned shopping? You'll never guess who I met downtown this afternoon. Farley Granger? No. Heather Hopper? Jim. Am I close? Do you remember the two boys who had the cabin next to ours at Round Lake two summers ago? Yes. I met the tall one. You did? Uh-huh. What's he doing in Springfield? Well, he said the other one. Oh, what was his name? Uh, Freddie something. No, it wasn't Freddie. Oh, something like Freddie. Well, it isn't important. Eddie? No. Wait a minute, Margaret. I've got the name on the tip of my tongue. Let me see. His name as well as I know my own. Eddie? Teddy? Betty. Margaret, please. Oh. Betty, you remember the two boys who had the cabin next to ours? I do. Are you sure it wasn't Freddie? Yes, dear. I'm sure. I can see him just as plain, sort of chunky with dark hair. Hector Smith and I ran into him during the World Series in Cleveland that year. That's the one. Well, I just wanted to know. You see, that's what I mean by curiosity. Well, I'm trying to figure out something vitally important. Yeah. What was that? Why is it important for you and not for us? Because you don't even remember the man. What man? Freddie. His name wasn't Freddie, dear. Well, it was something like Freddie. Was it Bobby Feller? No. He pitched the first game. Now look, bud. Maybe it was Harry Carey. Margaret, why is it that any time I try to... Bernie? What, dear? Wasn't it Bernie? I don't think so. Bernie, Kearney, Derney. Only gave up two hits in the whole game. Bud, please. And he lost, anyway. Now look, bud. Jim, it isn't that important. It certainly is. I was just about to say the name and he drove it clear out of my mind with that ridiculous prattle about a silly baseball game. Silly? Bud. That was one of the finest games they ever had in a World Series. Only six hits in the whole game. Bernie, Bernie, Bernie. Jim. How would you like to give up two hits and then lose the game one to nothing? Bud, will you please stop it and let me think? Jim, we've got to get ready to go. Where? To the Liggett, sir. Would you rather stay home? Oh, no, no. You... Don't worry about me. I'll be ready to leave anytime you are. If a thing like that happened to me, I'd shoot myself. If you keep this up, you won't have to. When I want to know something, it's morbid curiosity. But when he wants... Betty, I think you'd better start clearing the table. But Father said... Kenny, that's what it was, Kenny. All right, Betty, go ahead. No, it wasn't Kenny. Penny? No. Jumping creepers. No. Was he a southpaw? Who? The pitcher. But for the last time... What's a southpaw? Isn't this awful? I can see him as though he was standing right in front of me. He's left-handed. Who is? A southpaw. Who said anything about a southpaw? Kathy did. Well, I told you, a southpaw is left-handed. What? Margaret. I'm going upstairs and comb my hair. Hector, he'll know. Jim, you're not going to call Hector. Why not? It'll only take me a minute. Curiosity killed a cat. Betty, please. Curiosity has nothing to do with it. I just feel like calling Hector. That's all. Why? Because he's one of my best friends. That's why. But, dear, you're going to see him in the morning. Well, I want to find out about my saw. That's what I want to find out. He borrowed it last week. He brought it back yesterday. Nobody asked you. Well, I was just... Wait a minute. I've got it. Jim. I've got it, Margaret. It was Ernie Franklin. Of course. Ernie Franklin. Well, thank goodness for that. You see, I knew if you'd just leave me alone for a minute. What did he have to say? Who, dear? Ernie Franklin. I didn't meet Ernie Franklin. You most certainly did. You said you met him downtown today while you were shopping. No, dear. Don't you remember? I told you I met the other one. Oh, no. When it comes to names, Father can't boast of the world's best memory. But more often than not, ladies, the man of the house knows exactly what he's talking about. For instance, when he says, Mm, finest coffee I ever tasted. Why, that's high praise indeed. Yes, ma'am. Because that man you serve coffee to, he's the world's greatest coffee expert. That's right. The number one expert on coffee is your husband. Of course, you might say we're in the expert class, too. Our Maxwell House coffee is enjoyed by more families than any other brand. But the man who says the final word on the coffee you pour, he's your husband. And tomorrow, if you'll serve your husband our Maxwell House, we promise you his warmest smile and this compliment. Marvelous. Best coffee ever. We're sure that's what he'll say. In fact, we'll give you your money back if he doesn't. You see, no coffee tastes like Maxwell House because no coffee's made like Maxwell House. There's only one recipe for that famous good to the last drop flavor. A recipe demanding certain choice coffees blended just so. And only Maxwell House has this recipe. So we say, take home a pound of our coffee. Tomorrow, serve your husband Maxwell House. If he doesn't say, best coffee ever, why, just send us the can and unused portion and we'll gladly refund the price you paid. Our address is plainly printed on every familiar blue tin. So how about it? Tomorrow, serve your husband the coffee with the world's most famous flavor, Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. It's after midnight in Springfield and but one small light blinks its cheer from the white frame house on Maple Street. That's in the master bedroom, where the master, if we may speak loosely, is still giving his problem the old college try, like this. Bill Stewart. Phil Stewart. Bill Phillips. Phil Billips. Jim. Jim Phillips. Jim. What? You realize, of course, that the Ligets will probably never speak to us again. Why? I didn't do anything to them. You sat in the corner and mumbled to yourself all night. Well, I wasn't hurting anybody. And every five minutes you ran to the telephone. I was only trying to get Hector, you know that. He certainly picked a fine evening to go out. So did we. Jim, where are you going? I'm going to call Hector. That's where I'm going. But you can't. It's two o'clock in the morning. I'll be right back, honey. You call a doctor two o'clock in the morning. Why can't you call a friend? Friend. Fine friend. He turned out to be. Introduces you to people, then you can't remember their names. Ruins a perfectly good evening just because he hasn't got sense enough to stay home when you need him. Now what happened to the light switch? Every time you want the darn thing, it's someplace else. Two o'clock isn't so late. Lots of people stay up until two o'clock. Probably isn't even in bed yet. Heck. This is Jim Anderson. No, no heck. This is Jim. Did I wake you up? It's Jim. Jim Anderson. Heck, do you remember those two friends of yours who had the cottage next to us at Round Lake? What were their names? Those friends of yours who had the cottage next to ours. Margaret met the tall one downtown this morning and we can't remember his name. What's the matter? It's after two o'clock. I know, heck, but look, it began with a B. And if you'll just tell me... Do you know me to say you woke me up with me a guy's name? Jim. I'll be through in a minute, honey. Heck, I know it sounds crazy. Sounds crazy? Heck, you've got to help me. It's driving me out of my mind. Two o'clock in the morning. Heck, listen to me a minute. Hello, heck? Well, that's fine. Just fine. What did Hector say, dear? He hung up on me. No. Just hung up. Well, we might as well face it. Calling people at two o'clock in the morning isn't exactly the way to endear yourself to your fellow man. Okay, if that's the way he feels about it. Just wait until he wants something. Now what are you going to do? Well, you know what they say. When all the world's against you and you haven't got a friend, there's only one thing you can do to bring a happy end. Go make yourself a sandwich. Who said that? I did. Jim, if you eat anything now, you'll be up all night. I'll be up all night anyway. What's in the ice box? Oh, the usual things. Six pairs of roller skates, 12 pairs of galoshes. Very funny. You're so cute. Well, what do we generally have in the ice box? Ice? Wow. What do you know? Food. Let's see now. Coal ham. Jim, will you please leave that alone? But I just wanted... this dinner. Just... sit down and I'll fix a sandwich for you. What kind? Oh, I'll think of something. Here we are. How about a nice melted cheese? The kind we used to make up at the lake. Oh, Margaret. Why, Jim, you've always liked melted cheese. That isn't what I mean. Why did you have to mention the lake? What? I've forgotten about the name. And now... well... now you've started it all over again. All I said was that I'd make a melted cheese sandwich. Did somebody call me... Bud? Well, if it isn't the boy with the built-in tapeworm. Why aren't you in bed? I heard somebody open the ice box. You know, Margaret, I think he must be part bloodhound. Margaret Anderson, you go right back to bed where you belong. Can I even have one sandwich? Not even half a sandwich. You march right upstairs. Not just a second, honey. Let's not be hasty about this. After all, he's a growing boy and he hasn't had anything to eat since seven o'clock. Uh, eleven o'clock. What? This is my second trip. Okay, Bud, you heard your mother up to bed. She ate anything last time and I'm a growing boy. I said up to bed. Oh, dear. We're in the kitchen, Betty. Say, I wonder if Ed Davis had remembered. He was up at the lake that summer. Jim, don't you dare call the Davis's. But if he knows the name... Haven't you thought of the name yet? Never mind, Bud. I thought of the picture. Fine. You saw the second game. It was Bob Lemon. He never goes to sleep. What's going on down here? Nothing is going on down here. We're all going back to bed. Wait a minute, Margaret. As long as we're up, we might as well have a sandwich or something. Jim Anderson, how do you expect... Honey, you don't seem to understand. I'm hungry. Didn't the ligates serve anything? Oh, yes. But not to your father. Margaret. He was busy in a corner, communing with the spirits. What? I sat there very quietly. I didn't disturb a soul. But just because I didn't put on a lady's hat and dance around with my pants rolled up... Jim... Well, that's what Al K. was doing, and everybody thought it was very funny. Mother, he didn't. Well, it was just... Daddy! Reapers, I forgot all about Kathy. Jim, do you see what you've done? You've got the whole family up. I didn't wake anybody. All I did was make a phone call. Everybody in the neighborhood. I've had just about enough of this. Bud, put the cheese back in the... Bud. Hmm? What happened to the cheese? What cheese? I had a whole slab of cheese on the table. Oh, Bud. Gosh, I was just sort of nibbling and... Was it a whole slab? Well, I guess that takes care of that. Go ahead, Bud. What? Up to bed. I thought we were going to have a sandwich. Betty, what are you doing? Getting some milk. See, that's an idea. Bud... Let them have their milk, dear. Are you coming upstairs? Well, I... Did you want something, Dad? Turn off the lights when you run out of food. And don't you dare touch that ham. Okay, Mom. Good night. We'll be up in a few minutes, Mother. All right, dear. Good night. Good night. No, Margaret, it's a funny thing. Every time I try to get into the icebox, something happens. Oh, I don't know. You've had your moments. Meaning what? Well, I remember a certain leg of lamb. Oh, honey, that was 12 years ago. I know, but... I suppose 12 years from now, you'll still be telling me about that same dizzy leg of lamb. Mommy? Go to sleep, Kathleen. Are you sure it wasn't burglars? Yes, we're quite sure, kitten. Now stop worrying about it. Daddy said it was burglars. We'll tell you all about it in the morning. And go to sleep. Okay. Good night. Good night, Angel. Good night, Kathy. Oh, dear, what a night. What a night is right. I'm glad it's almost over. Well, at least you stopped thinking about that silly name. Oh, I'm sorry, dear. Margaret. Yes, Jim? You know that cat? Cat? The one that was killed by curiosity. Oh, that one. What do you suppose did it? I don't know, dear. Maybe the name of another cat it met up at Round Lake, huh? Jim, you've got to be sensible. You can't keep this up the rest of the night. I can't, huh? You certainly can't. Do you realize that in less than four hours it'll be daylight? What was that? I said... That's the name. What is it? Daylight. I mean, Jack Daly. That's who it was. Well, thank goodness. That's the fellow you met, isn't it? Yes, dear, Jack Daly. Well... Now, will you please turn off the light and come to bed? Oh, no, not yet. You haven't finished. What did he want? Jack Daly. Oh, I thought I told you. He just said to say hello. Good night, Margaret. Good night, dear. And how will you choose the coffee you buy for your family? So many brands. How can you pick the one coffee that gives you the most in flavor for your money? Well, on your grosser shelves, there is one coffee, our Maxwell House Coffee, that's famous for flavor above all others. And tomorrow, the world's greatest coffee expert can tell you why. Yes, tomorrow, pour a cup of Maxwell House for your husband. He's the expert, we mean. When he gives you his warmest smile and says, best coffee ever, you'll know why Maxwell House is famous for flavor. And when you count all the cups of truly good coffee you get from that one pound, well, you'll know it's Maxwell House for value, too. Tomorrow then, look for the sign of good coffee, the big white cup, and drop on our friendly business. That's Maxwell House Coffee. Always good to the last drop. It's been quite a night for the Andesons, one they'll long remember. Now the house is dark, the night is still, but it isn't over. No, sir, not by a long shot, like this. Jim. The telephone's ringing. Good. Jim, please answer the phone. Okay. Hello? Dad, the phone's ringing. Hello? Jim, please go downstairs and answer the phone. What time is it? Four o'clock. Four o'clock? God's a little fishy. What time is it? Four o'clock. God's a little fishy. What kind of an idiot would call us at four o'clock in the morning? I don't know, dear. Please put on your robe, Jim. You'll catch your death a cold. I'll be all right. Four o'clock. This is somebody's idea of a joke. Wake people up in the middle of the night or to have their brains examined. Spend the whole night trying to fall asleep and then the phone has to ring. All right, I'm coming. Hello? Now look here. Jim, we began with a B. At breakfast time, you don't have to say. You children eat your cereal right this instant. Just say. Hop along Cassidy is crazy about hot wheat meal. Just a little psychology. Yes, to get your children to eat a hot cereal, just tell them post-tweet meal is Hop along Cassidy's favorite hot cereal. And they'll eat it too. Post-tweet meal is chuck full of solid whole wheat nourishment. Has a wonderful nut-like flavor. And it cooks in just three and a half minutes. You'll see, you'll all agree, it's the best hot cereal you ever ate. Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best. Starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson with Roy Barkey in the Maxwell House Orchestra. In our cast, where Ted Donaldson as Bud, June Whitley, Rhoda Williams, Norma G. Nielsen, Herb Bygren, and yours truly, Bill Foreman. So until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee. Always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed Jayne. Now stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these stations. For Authentic Police Drama, it's Dragnet on NBC.