 So what around for this? So what do men say that break are? They're precursors to breaking your heart. Okay. I call these exit clauses. I actually I'm sorry I call them escape clauses or exit clauses and ladies you already know this in advance and yet you keep Charging away even when a man says this because to some degree You're saying these saying things to yourself and we're gonna lean into a deeper conversation So what do men say they say things like I'm not looking for anything serious Let's take things slow. Okay. Those two right off the bat is Preparing for their exit clause because what they're saying is I'm not I'm not sure whether or not I want you or is it? I'm not sure. I want anything you do. I want anything right? So we have to lean into this now another thing men say in the early stage of dating and this is more You have to pay attention to the subtle signs of when he says this is When he's talking about an ex-girlfriend if he's talking about an ex-spouse If he's talking about someone in his life and it's there's a charge going on There's this kind of negativity in other words You can tell that he's not over this person and when this happens You might find yourself being attracted to a person who isn't Capable of leaning all in who isn't capable of leaning all in and I Suspect that if you give your heart to such a person You might find that You're gonna get hurt Okay, so now let's lean into If he's not ready, okay So I want to lean into this part of the conversation Going forward and I understand some people are having some audio issues. Just stick with me and let's see if this Breaks through okay, so bear with me a moment So I Was having I was having a conversation today with Matt Kahn if you're not familiar with Matt Kahn He wrote the book all for love. He's a friend of mine. He wrote the book all for love. Okay, and We were and by the way Matt has recently met the love of his life and he got engaged and they're getting married I think in the next year and I was chatting with him and his beloved joy And we're talking about the space he was in Prior to ever ever meeting her the space he was in in his consciousness and this space was I'm ready or and I'm capable of going all in I'm ready and I'm capable of going all in I want to repeat that I'm ready and I'm capable of going all in In other words, he was already resigned to the idea that he would be open to getting married He was open to going all in with someone Okay, so just be aware that if a man says I want to take it slow I'm not ready for a serious relationship or if he's still talking negatively about Some ex in his life It means that he is not ready or capable of going all in because when a man is ready Capable of going all in with someone. Let me just say to you. He's very clear Okay, he's very clear right up front. He doesn't say things like I'm not ready for a serious relationship. Let's just treat this casual or let's treat this slowly In fact, let me just be clear when a man says let's take it slowly What he's really saying is I I am very happy to go as fast as possible to have physical sex With you, but on the emotional side I need to take a very long time to determine if I want a serious relationship with you and folks I want you to think about this for a moment. Why would a man go in? ridiculously fast ridiculously good-looking That's from Zoolander ridiculously fast To get physically intimate with you and then he'll put the brakes on anything beyond that See a man who's ready to go all in a man who's ready to be in a significant relationship He actually wants to take things fast. He wants to take you off of the market. He doesn't want any other man Being able to take you from him So whenever you've heard the term let's take it slow. It's really code for I really don't know if you're the one But I'm willing to spend time with you I'm willing to have companionship connection and sex Okay, but I'm most likely you're not the one so you will be what's known as a placeholder in his life See men who are crystal clear on What they want? They don't spend time with someone that they're not a hundred percent sure about now I don't know if we can be a hundred percent sure, but let's just say 95% sure about See when a man already has that conviction and he recognizes that if he Pushes an agenda that he's not ready for that. That's not good karma for him That's not good karma for him and when men are crystal clear that they want a significant relationship in their life They're not going to They're not gonna convince you to spend time with them For their own needs they are actually being mindful of your needs men who are crystal clear About wanting a serious commitment They recognize that their words Have to follow their actions I mean to the extent that integrity is critically important to them It's one of their highest values. In fact, they most likely subscribe to the work If you're not familiar with the book if the the four agreements the four agreements By the way, there's a copy of all the books. I recommend including Matt's book But the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz Being impeccable with their word is critically important. So when men just want Companionship connection and sex they want a transactional relationship from you They will use these exit clauses early on Because and and the sad part is you guys will buy into it because to some degree you you're maybe coming off a Relationship that ended you're coming off a divorce and you're thinking well I don't want anything serious anyway, but if you've got that mindset. I don't want anything serious anyway Then does that really mean you're capable of going all in you see this? ambivalence is part of the problem with our current dating environment We are we are swimming in a sea of ambivalence and quite frankly. There's a lack of true intentionality I interviewed Joy and Matt today for an upcoming video and it's interesting how they dove right in all in with with honest communication with one another with integrity with one another Okay, and they recognize that even if it didn't they didn't say this But I suspect the following is even if it didn't work out That's okay, too because they were two sovereign beings entering into the dating environment. This is why folks I wrote my book what the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work when you show Up as a sovereign human being even if the relationship doesn't work out You're gonna be okay See when when we when we give our power away to another human being when we when we attach To another human being in an unhealthy way We will get our heart broken. You see a sovereign being can't get their heart broken Only a person whose heart is already a bit. I don't like to use the word broken But it's not the love cup within a person isn't that full Can we really get our heart broken? So now I'm gonna share with you 13th. So this was all pre relationship. Okay Now let's talk about your inner relationship with someone and I I went and googled I went through Google and just read a bunch of articles. So what I'm about to share isn't my content per se In other words, I didn't write the following but I can certainly Expand upon what I'm about to share these 13 signs He's going to break up with you and in the chat box or in the comments below. Do me a favor If you've experienced any of these that yep, this happened to me. So just write yep. Yes, this happened to me or yep This happened to me So you've been in a relationship with someone for a little while and let's let's let's give it 90 days plus Okay, the first 90 days is the probationary period anyway in dating and to that extent I I mean I mean to some people they could call themselves boyfriend and girlfriend during that period of time but the first 90 days is the is the Probationary period. Okay, so within the first 90 days you or but this is after 90 days You start to notice things become being rocky between the two of you things become rocky between the two of you In other words, you start feeling more friction. You start feeling more agitation. You start feeling Less connected with one another That's a sign and now again if you're only going to get heartbroken if you are attached to him More than he's attached to you I'm repeat that you're more attached to him than he's attached to you By the way, if you're having some technical difficulties log off right now and log right back on It seems like there's a glitch with YouTube right now Okay, so if you're watching this and there's some technical difficulties log off and log back on, okay? All right, so you just start to notice things become rocky Well, usually when relationships begin to have some rocky periods This is the time to lean into deeper conversation and yet sadly many of you women have duct tape over your mouth You want I'm putting this is duct tape you are unwilling or afraid to speak up for fear that it will end the Relationship and yet it is through Deeper it is through the tough conversations that two people can build a relationship with one another Okay, it is through that that a couple can build a relationship with one another It is through the difficult conversation. So if you start to notice things being rocky. It's a sign That the relationship needs some mending and sadly since a lot of you ladies have duct tape It's a precursor to him ending the relationship. So that's number one Number two he starts spending more time away from you It fascinates me how this following word gets used so habitually This following word gets so used habitually by men as a precursor to ending a relationship I Am busy I'm sorry to laugh. I mean it's not a laughing matter, but busy right in other words, you know It's fascinating how a man will be give his Undivided attention in the early stages of I want to sleep with you and the minute I've slept they've slept with you It's like well, I've got stuff going on at work. I've got issues with my children. Oh my god I've got my guy friends that have this trip planned, you know It's amazing how all of a sudden they become busy has that ever happened to you a guy uses the word busy as His precursor to about to end a relationship with you when a man is fully devoted to you when a man is all in When a man adores you when a man calls you his beloved in the case of Matt and Joy They're only busy for you in other words you are a predominant part in their life and when a man Start spending more time away from you That's a pretty good sign that if again if you're if you're attached to him in an unhealthy way You will most likely get your heart broken and I'm sorry this happens to has happened to you And if that has happened to you say yep, that's happened to me as well number three He cuts back on Complimenting you he comes cuts back on complimenting you or giving you affection When a man is ready to break up with you He starts to he might not physically pull back from you But he'll begin to energetically pull back from you He'll begin to pull his words away. He'll start to cut back on words and you and by the way folks You know, it's interesting Many of you have great intuition, you know, right the moment It's like when you get a pimple, right? You can feel the tingling You could feel that tingle before it ever pops through the skin, right? We feel these tingles We notice those things and and it's really an opportunity to examine the relationship even before it's gotten to this tingle Have we really established ourselves as a true couple? Do we spend three or four days and nights a week together? Do we shit? Do we do shared? Activities hobbies mutual interests. Do we spend time with family and friends? Do we travel together do we have teamwork building skills in our personal in our professional life? Do we have true emotional? intimacy or Is it just a transactional relationship? See sadly many most human beings today experience transactional relationships Transactional relationships is if I give you something I'm getting something in return. It's not two givers in a relationship It's two it's it's oftentimes one giver and one taker in a relationship or sometimes it could be there's a trade-off of You give me this so I can get this and vice versa You're giving me this so he pays for dates and you give him sex. These are the transactional types of relationships out there But when a man starts cutting back on compliments, that's usually a good sign or it's probably a sign that he is going to be ending the relationship soon number four You barely talk to him now this I'm speaking to you those of you that are in the long-distance dating category But Jonathan I can't talk to him on a regular basis folks when you're in long distance It's imperative to have regular communication with one another because you can't physically be there with one another and if he starts to Drastically cut back on regular communication particularly on those long-distance relationships Well, you know what okay? I do have to put a caveat here Okay, a guy could be slept okay in long distance and this happens Significantly he could be dating and meeting and sleeping with lots of other women So let me clarify something he will know but he wants to keep you in the loop So he'll keep constant communication from you or he will he will keep a level of constant communication from you Because he's actively dating sleeping and meeting with other women It's kind of this game because the beauty of these devices, you know, it's amazing You could communicate I mean you could be on the toilet and communicate with ten people all at once You know, you don't actually have to be on the phone with someone But if you're in a long-distance environment and you've noticed cutting back communication Most likely he is getting ready to move on okay number five He's cut back on sex Hey, I've heard this before but from a few women who have reached out to me for private coaching By the way, if you need some support check out this link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coaches Right for you. Check out the links below Okay, this seems to be a prevalent thing within a lot of men who are in a relationship that's somewhere between three months to three years He starts to cut back on the sex that's usually because he's Probably getting ready to sleep with someone else or he's sleeping with someone else And he and he wants to be he may want to be relatively clean for this other person I'm just saying what could be going on or he's just lost interest in you Emotionally and and physically and he's getting ready to prepare breaking up with you when he starts to cut back on sex Number six, he's always in a bad mood That's usually a sign when someone's constantly in a bad mood You know, they're getting they're they're really trying to create the tension to end the relationship with you We're going to go through these number seven through thirteen really quickly He avoids answering direct questions from you Particularly the question of where this is relationship is going that's usually a sign if he avoids it He's going to break up with you He starts picking fights with you. That's number eight Number nine you stop going out on dates with him You know Healthy couples have a have a healthy date night as part of their repertoire in their relationship And date night isn't him planning the date Date night is both of you mutually planning dates But if he stops cutting back on dates with you, that's probably a sign that he's going to be moving on number 10 He pays more attention to his phone than you You know, sadly there is this obsession Addiction to these little devices, but if he begins to spend way more time with his phone than you And if he's secretive about it, there's a good chance He's getting ready to end a relationship with you number 11 He stopped saying I love you Just like when he stops spending time with you when he stops Complimenting you when he stops having sex with you you have that you ever had this you just all of a sudden notice He just doesn't say I love you too. Any I love you too anymore If that's happened It's a precursor of him emotionally put pulling back before he physically pulls back from the relationship number 12 You notice he comments on other women's Social media pages he starts to comment on other women's social media pages That's a sign. He's getting ready to move on from you And the last and 13th one in this list again, I got this from the internet. So you're welcome to do your own searching basically You can tell he's lost interest You know sometimes couples remember I said transactional relationships many people are in relationships because they'd rather They'd rather be in a mediocre relationship than being alone See people who are spenders and spenders you guys know my narrative the users the spenders and the grower builders The men who are spenders they want companionship connection and sex, but they're not capable of commitment But they are fine having you as a placeholder in their life. But when a man puts you on a placeholder It's just a matter of time. He's going to end the relationship And And again, when you've given your power away to a man, you most likely will have your heart broken. So Again recapping all of this In the beginning stages, he says i'm not looking for anything serious. I want something casual He's negatively talking about an ex person in his life or he says, let's take it slow That's a precursor to him going. I'm not ready or capable for a serious relationship And for those that have you been in a relationship for them for three months or longer these 13 things. I just shared with you Gives you some insight that he's getting ready to bolt and I know it sucks I know it sucks and this is why I advocate for grown-up relationships if you're not familiar with the book How to be an adult in relationships by david rico I highly recommend reading this How to be an adult because we have a lot of children in relationships today That are in the bodies of a 40 50 60 and even 70 year old male and female We have a lot of children in the uh in these adult bodies in relationship. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know If it is sinking resonating do me a favor post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts if you found value in this video Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well So you can be notified of new videos All right, it's time for our q&a If you have a question Write the word question then post the question there after Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign the chat box all the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund In the name of my son connor asley. That's a picture of him right there This was us at that's his brother call and we were at benihanas. That was connor's favorite place We went to benihan actually connor and I went to benihanas almost Once a week for an entire four years. I I mean they they we were regulars. We walked in we sat down We didn't even have to have a reservation Um connor's my son who passed away over five years ago and his honor We donate to causes like the hoffman process insight institute and we give scholarships to those who Can't afford or can't fully afford coaching Okay, so again hit that little dollar sign our goal tonight is 50 dollars to raise wait 50 dollars To raise so we'd really like some love hit that little dollar sign if you're watching the replay hit that super thanks All right, we've already got some questions popping up Kathy just posted Why doesn't he just end it rather than go through all these signs or do most men act this way until the woman gets That up and she ends it because they don't want the guilt of breaking your heart You know humans humans are very fickle beings first and foremost and I mean this is just Basic human nature. This isn't male because women do the same thing too women You know you've divorced you're you're in a marriage where you've been divorced from the marriage for years And again, if you have duct tape over your mouth, you're just as guilty. So I'm an equal opportunity Judge you're here. Um I'm just saying these are because here's the thing Okay, let me give you an example of something. I I hope my son doesn't you know, I'm Um, doesn't mind me sharing this. Um He was in a relationship a couple years back with a young woman And they dated for I believe five months Now I'm just using this as an example But at the three month mark he came to me and he said dad, you know, I'm just not feeling it with her I said, yeah, okay. I said give it a little more time. Okay And he goes, okay. Now he he wasn't sure he was because he you know feelings are very Okay, let me be clear when he said I wasn't feeling with her He wasn't feeling an overwhelming Experience of what he thought love was going to be like. Okay So in that moment, I said, why don't you just give it a little more time to see if your feelings change. Okay And he gave it a few more months and he ended the relationship. Okay. Why does this apply to what I'm just talking about? When we begin to lose interest with someone it isn't like just that. Okay Sometimes it happens over a little bit of time. Sometimes it's um, it's um Sometimes it's it's you know our feelings are our Feelings aren't facts. Maybe that would be a way to better to describe it So as we start to lose interest sometimes all it takes is a snap to say I'm going to change That's because a lot of people enter into relationships from a transactional perspective and they're going to end in a transactional way It's very rare that we see true divine partnerships true soul partnerships most relationships are casual they're transactional and that's the reason why so Thank you. Kathy for that question um Aurora Thank you for this question his female His female best friend still asked him to do stuff in her house knowing we are in a committed couple She told me her attraction to him. He says she's my sister blind to her feelings. What to do Okay, so um, let me be clear. It is this uh, a woman. Okay. He has a female friend He does occasionally spend time with this female friend You are aware of the female friend and she has told you That she is attracted to him. He says she's my sister What to do? Well, it seems like what's okay. So right now it seems like there's full Transparency between him and her and you and him and her and you so there's transparency Now she says she's attracted. Have you discussed this with him that she says that it sounds like you did? He says my sister why not have a conversation with the three of them express your feelings? Just say i'm feeling a little vulnerable Because you know kathy has expressed attraction towards you even though you say his sister It's difficult for me to understand why she has an attraction And then the fact that the two of you will spend time together Is a little bit It's it's i'm i feel very vulnerable. So now here's the thing aurora It sounds like you don't now is it possible you don't feel fully safe in the relationship with him Let's exclude her from the equation. Is it possible? You don't feel very safe with him as well in the relation because if you're not feeling safe with him If there isn't absolute trust then there's no doubt I could see why you have a valid reason to be triggered But if there's a solid trust between the two of you then you have to examine also what could be going on within yourself In this particular case. I think these are very complicated questions And I really appreciate you for Bringing it up and I think it's important to have a conversation Maybe with the the two of them at the same time to have some resolution around this And maybe you get to go to the house when they're together okay, um You know, here's the thing uh, one of my dearest friends is my um Previous relationship before okay, so many of you know, I had a relationship that recently ended And then prior to that I had another relationship And i'm still very friendly with that other relationship and we've spent time The three of us to oh actually she's in a relationship too. Oh, why don't I give you the names? Marie was my previous relationship that ended the one before that was sherry sherry lives with a man named david And to the extent that you know sherry is someone I look at her as a sister, right? But we don't spend a lot of time together part of partially because there's um, there's 75 miles of Distance between us so we don't physically but we talk on the phone Maybe once every couple months or we see each other at social gatherings. Okay When I was in real relationship with Marie, I didn't have a desire to hang out with my sister I only wanted to hang out with My beloved, okay now. I have another female friend named tammy. She lives only about five miles from me We talk on the phone regularly. It's usually a five minute ten minute phone call What's going on between the two of us? We talk regularly one another I've spent time with tammy and Marie together the three of us have gone out To dinner a couple times. So there was always transparency But when a man genuinely is in love with his partner, that's the person he wants to spend time with So it's quite possible that there could be an unhealthy part of this relationship dynamic going on It's hard to say depending on the frequency. Okay. Those are just my rough thoughts on that aurora. So Aurora, thank you again for your question. I really appreciate it Barbara's in the house Hello, jay great video clip today on men dating women with financially independent. I'm in the 18% category Okay, really quickly. I posted a video a short earlier today. Thank you for bringing it up Barbara has to do with men these days seek women with financial stability Particularly men in midlife. They seek women with financial stability. In other words, they can financially take care of themselves Now the reality here in the united states Roughly about 18% of the population makes over six figures. Okay, so we still have an 80 um 82 of people making under $100,000 a year and since it almost costs $120,000 to survive as a couple Uh, two incomes are better than one. So, uh, I appreciate you bringing that up. Barbara. Thank you so much Kathy says let's the he says question. What does it mean when he says let's take it one day at a time? That means he probably um Well, you know, we have to recognize that the first 90 days is the trial period of getting to know someone The first 90 days is the trial period getting to know someone anyone who says that after the 90 day period Basically, they are known as a spender if you're not familiar with what a spender is Folks, this is my chart By the way, the bottom says this is not a fact. It's merely an opinion Okay, there are three types of people actively dating. They're called users Spenders and the grower builders users are those that seek short-term game They're the love bombers the gold diggers the entitled people the players the selfish people They only care about their own needs spenders. They seek companionship connection and sex No direction. They have a dysfunctional life that represents 60 of the population And then the grower builders they are seek long-term commitment They are emotionally grown up Grower builders don't need to say let's take it one day at a time because they're progressing the relationship one day at More than one day at a time. Okay. It's only those spenders or those users that will say that okay Veronica wants to know what's the price of your coaching Veronica. See this link right here. This is jonathan asley You schedule a discovery call and then there you'll find out all about my coaching and my pricing. Okay All right Let's keep going here Christine says what do you do when you see these signs? Run forest run You know folks, it's time to have grown-up conversations with people folks You know If you haven't built listen Most these signs come from couples who haven't built true intimacy together You know, I shared before this I got from amazon By the way, there's a link below and jonathan recommends. But do you see this says best self? These are great little cards That you can begin having deeper conversations with someone. Okay intimacy cards, okay See what typically happens is You know, it's fascinating to me how many women I've spoken to Who seek coaching from me their relationship has ended and one of the first questions I ask is I say how good of friends are the two of you I said how good of friends are the two of you And they'll say well, we're not really good friends folks When two people develop a strong friendship with one another And unlike aurora's case where it sounds like her partner is really good friends with someone else Okay, sorry about that aurora, but if you're not really good solid friends with one another These signs I gave you are most likely going to happen. You see men Men stay in relationships where they feel good as if they are with their best friend As if they're with their best friends. Those are the relationships that we want to covet we want to hold on to And usually these signs happens it because it's not it because they're transactional relationships They're not relationships built on a core friendship with one another And that's usually what happens. Has this ever happened anyone say yes, this has happened to me Okay, hey, by the way, where's the love let's get some money for the connor asley scholarship fund hit that little dollar sign Our goal is 50 dollars tonight. Come on. Give some love. I'd like to donate some money Hey barbers back in the house There seems there seems there are more self-aware people advertising themselves on dating apps Are you vetting differently if you're seeing more of these done the work people? Well, okay. Uh, this is a crude example I I've used this example. I I probably need to change the book Okay If a person says they've done work on themselves, let's just say for example They have the book eight dates Eight dates. Well, actually, okay this book or this book. Let's let's let's pick on these two Or I will give three. Okay non-violent communication by marshal rozenberg eight dates by doctors john and julie godman Or they have the book Untethered soul by michael singer. Okay. Oh my god. I love love love this book. Check out the link below to get a copy of this book Okay, so they have books on their night. They have this they own this book. Okay one number two The book is on their nightstand Okay That's that's like, okay the book is on their nightstand You pick up the book and there are pages folded. Okay And you start thumbing through the book and there are highlighted pages. Okay See, there are a lot of people that have a book on their nightstand Okay, that's all they have they have the book on the nightstand coming back to your point They mentioned they they advertise themselves on dating apps as if done the work. Okay They have the book on the nightstand Or they have a book that has some folded pages. Okay, that's at least they're you know, they're reading it And if the book is highlighted, they're doing the work Okay, see a lot of people advertise. It's like the book on the nightstand But have they done the work? That's really the question and that's what vetting is all about is finding out Do they have a personal development self-help and spiritual practice as a part of their daily repertoire Do they meditate? Do they go to spiritual retreats? Do they go to workshops? Do they do they are they interested in doing couples therapy if If you want to build a stronger union with one another These are some of the things you want to ask for in the early stage of dating. Okay Maria says we miss Marie. I have to say I liked her smart beautiful lady great loss. You know what? Folks Marie is a beautiful human being both physically and in her heart I know that she had to do her own work outside of this relationship And I've given I she has the space to do that I understand that not every relationship is meant to go the distance, but I will say I miss I miss the videos with her I miss her company She was a lot of she was by the way, I know I can be a pain in the ass But trust me she could be a pain in the ass as well We both are equal opportunity in that regard But you know what she's a beautiful human being inside and out and I do miss her as well But not miss her from the standpoint of I need her back to feel good about myself I just miss this beautiful person. Okay, so thank you for bringing that up Leafs is in the house and by the way, she's part of our membership program Jonathan exactly Jonathan see what happens when you say you want to be present if she cannot afford a trade person Doubt that she will fly to Aurora need to outcome the drama. Oh shoot. I don't understand that but thank you Okay Paul tree wants to know Jonathan. What do you do if he's a meshed with his mother? Well, that's not a good sign You know, there's some of there's some men that actually have to physically take care of their elderly parents I can understand how that could be the case So that's understandable But if he's a meshed with his mother, it's possible he has covert incest Or there's emotional incest with his mother I think this happens. What did you guys ever watch game of thrones? Oh god, what was her the the the woman who was still Breastfeeding her son at age 10. Um, who was the um Oh gosh, uh, who was the woman I can't remember. She was still breastfeeding I mean this guy was a pansy. He was a weakling. He couldn't even hold a sword when he hit 13 Um, so I just I when I think of a meshman. I think of a man who's still suckling on the nipple of his mommy Uh, what do you do about it run? What are the odds of finding love at 60? Well, folks, I want to read something to you Since you brought that up, okay so, um oops So I want to read you Okay, so I want to answer that question maria. Okay so the meme says There are no more lovely There is no more lovely friendly and charming relationship communion or company than a good marriage Okay, there is nothing more lovely friendly charming relationship Uh communion or company than a good marriage. Okay, this was a instagram post and there's a link below to join my instagram page And this is my post. Uh, this was from two nights ago It said last night I went to a holiday birthday party hosted by a couple Early 60s who met on match.com and were married within two and a half years Watching the two of them and the devotion to each other was so beautiful and inspiring Many will argue that marriage is archaic restrictive and will lead to disappointment My stance is this There's something grounding and determined To say i'm all in I want to take care of you See I started this conversation when a man Is clearly ready to go all in and want to take care of someone and when a woman Is ready to go all in and want to take care of someone but jonathan. I don't want to become his nurse or his purse Folks if you already have a fear of becoming a nurse or purse Then you're not ready to go all in with someone because yes at our midlife age That is a it's a strong possibility. That might be the outcome of two people joining together Now, let me just share with you Uh robin lorraine sherry and david Jeff uh my friend jeff who owns a coffee company Well, he's 58, but he just found I think is the love of his life. Uh, I said robin lorraine. Oh, um Miriam and alan she was 68 or she was 65 when she met alan got married and they've been together for six years Who else is my circle of friends? Oh Cheryl and and greg um, they're in their 60s. I know personally These are friends not my clients I mean, I I haven't even thought about client after client after client after by the way one thing I love about my private coaching women the minute they make investment in this program I get calls all the time jonathan. I met a great guy jonathan. I met a great guy jonathan I met a great guy and they know the difference So I personally know I mean and all of the couples I just mentioned except for jeff who's 58 Are all in their 60s and they all live together or are married and guys. I'm probably missing a few more. Oh, there's um, There's um cara and her guy date. Um Oh god, craig. I think his name. I mean the list goes on and on Okay, so yes, it is absolutely possible question before okay, um Um This is a question Met a guy after a or after a month ago. He said he doesn't want a relationship He's leaving brazil in three months and it has a trip planned With the girl he used to see should I end this or keep meeting with Do you really have to okay? This is a guy. Well Stop having sex with you're having sex with them. You date him He doesn't want a relationship with you. We want someone else run forest run By the way, if you want to join me on the hot seat I just sent a link anyone who wants to join me on the hot seat right now I promise I won't be brutally tough on you But if you want to join the hot seat we can have a deeper conversation on this okay Perry wants to thank uh, maria for that great question. Okay, let's keep going Um Okay, gg is in the house question matches on millionaire match went To jump on the phone quickly, but then they never shut up. How do I focus on? Focus them on critical vetting questions Instead of back in 1992 Um just to ask deeper questions right from the get-go and and see how they respond I'm a big proponent of going quickly. Hey, listen up. Okay. I have a rule of thumb. It's called three two one three Okay, three two one three. Okay roughly three text message email exchanges Should lead to one or two phone calls Should lead to one date all in a three week period of time So no more than three weeks. Okay within three weeks The goal is to have a few exchanges via emails or text messages go straight to a telephone call Maybe have one or two phone calls plan a date and meet each other in three weeks If and if that doesn't happen You know work on the next person or the next person because people will waste your time incessant communication via text message Okay Okay Uh christin. I can't remember your question. What was it again? Let me see christin had a question. Let me find that one um Like Oh, okay. So what do you do when you see these signs coming back those? Oh, well, I thought, you know, here's the thing I I said it before have deeper conversations with the person That's when you start having seen the signs have conversations Express what's coming up for you You know, I can sense your you're shifting your energy towards us You know, would you be open to sharing what's coming up for you have a deeper conversation? I don't feel safe in this relationship I don't feel like you're as interested before and if he begins to gaslight you and tell you you're crazy or your Illusion delusion or whatnot. It's a person who doesn't value you. Anyway, most likely doesn't value you anyway So do you want to even invest time with them? That's something you have to ask yourself Hey margaret just gave us a three dollar super sticker. All right, that's four dollars We now have a 46 dollar goal for tonight. Let's get some love for the connor asley scholarship fund Smashy said I just started listening to grounded spirituality airport yesterday Oh my god, this is a thick-ass book I by the way, I have it on audio and reddit as well at the same time If you haven't read jeff browns book on spiritual grounded spirituality, this is deep shit guys. This is like this is ninja level Uh work, uh, it's inviting you to do so. Thank you for bringing that up. I appreciate it all right Bump bump bump bump bump. Oh tasha gave us a ten dollar super sticker. Yay So now we're only 36 dollars away. Thank you so much Let's keep going here. All right. Let's keep going here sharing I seem to meet men who tell me they don't want a relationship but quickly change their mind Why does this happen apart from that? I'm awesome Well, if this happens, I'm curious Why aren't you in a relationship with any of these men if if you seem like okay? So when I say I seem to meet men are we talking to happen once has it happened twice that happened three times? Or has it happened 40 times it's been within 40 men who have said I'm not interested in a relationship But all of a sudden changes are tuned. How come you haven't picked someone from those 40 men? I'm kind of curious about that. Um, I'm sure it's happened once or twice. Why does it happen? Um, they might have an anxious attachment style Um, and they are now or they have an unhealthy attachment towards you and they want to covet you because they're afraid Of losing you because they have a codependency. That's quite possibly what be going on But the question is what are you doing about it? That's the more important question Okay all right bump bump bump bump bump Perry wants to say sometimes you have to cut your losses and run again. I'm uh christin I'm here to say have deeper conversation. That's my invitation when you start noticing the signs Okay Hey, I want to thank Barbara. Thanks for answering. I've asked what coaches What coaches they watch on youtube and ask specific questions since I tend to follow many and know much of their work my vetting process Okay, great lol. Thanks. I appreciate that Hey, we just got a new member to the group big hugs to curiosity folks if you want to join the fate the YouTube group Just click the link right here to get access to um, some of the perks you get recognized like I just did with curiosity So big hugs. Thanks so much Come on somebody join the hot seat tonight. Let's have some fun Hey kelly just became a new subscriber. Why don't you join the hot seat and have some fun with us? Oh margaret wants to say uh good timetable. That's the three two one three I I happen to think it's uh a good timetable for those that live close to one another It's gonna be a little bit more problematic for those long-distance dynamics. All right kassandra's in the house What's your take on a 58 year old man who dumps you but lies to But lies to you saying he just wants to be alone Then two weeks later introduces her to his family four years together now that blocked You know, we could judge the person I mean we could we could we could judge. He's an asshole. He's a jerk. What's most important kassandra's What are you gonna do about this? How are you gonna nurture your soul? How are you gonna give yourself a big gigantic bear hug of self love? See, it doesn't matter what it's not it's not about him. What matters most is about you kassandra Let's let's all just put our hands close to our hands together and send kassandra some love Because it sucks being treated in such a way Where someone discards and disposes us and at the same time it's an opportunity To find the love within ourselves to find our self love our self worth our self esteem our self confidence our self reliance And know that we don't need someone in our lives to feel good about ourselves. We are enough God universe spirit. I invite that for kassandra and everyone else that's listening to this broadcast right now And I invite everyone right now To send love to every human being on this planet because the more love we give and the more love we give and the more love We give and the more love we give the more it amplifies and comes back to us It goes full circle the more love we give it goes around the planet and comes back to us Giving you some big hugs kassandra. Thank you so much Okay, simply positive me Can a man ever get close to a woman prior to meeting in person if very very close multiple times wait Can a man ever get close to a woman prior to meeting in person if a very very close multiple time? A day chats on the phone or is it an interest until we meet great question Folks, I want someone to write this in the chat box or in the Esther perell where's her book okay Esther perell right there ester perell. I want you to Go into youtube type ester perell and type in artificial intimacy Intimacy artificial intimacy can someone write that down? Until you physically meet someone you can build some artificial intimacy with someone you can build some Familiarity you can build some closeness with a person. Yes, but most likely if you grand grand grand eyes grand eyes It's artificial intimacy. It's not real until you meet face to face and it's not real until you've experienced multiple different Circumstances with a person you go out to dinner one time you go to friends you go travel together You go to the grocery store together You have a you have the plumbing going out your house while you're together and how they navigate all this You you do things together. That's what builds deeper intimacy. So in the beginning It's it's just cyber intimacy. It's cyber intimacy, which is oftentimes Artificial intimacy because it's done. It's curated over our devices. Oh, I got a I got a hinge I got a hinge Like does anyone know the website hinge or the the dating app hinge? I just got a like from hinge. Let's take a quick peek Okay All right, this I can't show this picture But her first photo is with her and two other people Like why do you do that? Your first photo should be you just like i'm the only person on this screen Okay, so coming back to it Check out ester parell artificial intimacy. Watch it. Okay. Hey, melissa says she gave 10 dollars Hey, I want to give someone gave you 10 dollars. That's right. Someone did so I did give props to that um, let's keep going By the way, the hot seat if anyone wants to is you can join me live right now. You can join me live There's a link right there to join me live Sherry wants to say you deserve better And casandra says thank you you're very welcome Cara says you're you're on fire right now. Thank you. Okay. Liske is just posted right there ester parell mating and captivity She wrote the book But what I want you to do is check out the youtube video on artificial intimacy artificial intimacy All right, let's keep going Oh, let's see curiosity says I have a thing where I fact checked myself between wait I have a thing Where I fact checked myself between who I who I think someone is Opposed to what they show me. I can only go off what they've shared Hey, by the way, that is a powerful tool if you have that capacity I'm slightly guilty of turning red flags into green flags because I think I'm like a woman in this way. I I see the potential for people. So I have that Um, I have that habit of doing that, but I've resigned myself to let go of that habit So but I very good for you curiosity. Okay. Barbara's in the house. This is going to be um Hi Hi I'll bear with me good lord. Just said I had a shower. I didn't think I was going to do the hot seat But weird connection you and I have been having I caught you today on bumble Oh, really? I didn't see that so No, no, I didn't swipe, but it was nice to see I was like, what is he doing in new york? It's a trouble. You know what? I someone um, I was I'm taking a trip to new york Possibly for the holidays. So I thought what the heck I'll do a quick look Hopefully I didn't give anything away for 10 minutes and I changed it back. So Okay, so what's your question? Question for you So, uh, I asked about vetting where I'm seeing a lot of woke or done the work people on the apps Um, one of the I don't want to say concerns or or a game playing or anything But like I said, I'm trying to really sort of narrow down my pool even more So do you go through a process where you're kind of like One of your contemporaries would say get 10 percent, you know, um to be able to go through Otherwise, you won't really have like a freshman class. So to speak. I don't know if you know who I'm talking about but I don't know who that is but But I don't even understand what that means Evan mark hats basically suggests that, you know, you can't just have only five percent, you know of of You know 100 people that you swiped on you really should get a good number of 10 percent to be able to Kind of have a good pool to go through I'm having a hard time filling up that 10 percent. I'm only see maybe three percent I would interact with and again, it's pretty much like kind of going through the vetting process Do you go through a process to have more of a bigger pool? Uh by seeing certain things on on apps So I'm not a big proponent of and there's there's beyond him and there's dozens and dozens Sure plenty coaches that subscribe to a um A cold calling method. Okay. I call it cold calling. I used to be in sales So it used to be in sales. You grab a telephone book. In fact in the wolf of wall street or any of those, you know Movies where you know, you're a salesperson of something and you just go through the phone book and call people. Okay, so to me online dating has now turned into A version of cold calling if you will so the more people you put in your funnel the greater chances for success Okay, right now. I think when you've reached a point in your evolution And this is my subscription and very few people actually reach this point of evolution Where they truly know who they are as a person More importantly who is compatible with them You see the challenge with many of my contemporaries that got married in their early 30s and they started to make babies They have no fucking clue what it's like to go through a divorce to go through You know, met, you know metapause a rectile dysfunction elderly parents In assisted living facilities losing your libido. I mean, um, you know, um, you know the emotional effects of Children going through college the financial burdens. I mean this is midlife folks have a completely different curated experience Or incubated experience versus those that got married and only had one goal Make babies or find someone to make babies with in your hollow identity is being a family for us It's a completely different dynamic. You can't even you can't superimpose that to our demographic. Does that make sense? completely Okay, so you get so So here's the challenge with online dating um, I would say venture to say 97 percent of the profiles have been Oh, we lost her. No, I'm here. Okay. Okay disappeared for a second. So 97 of the profiles have been pure poorly um Created very poorly created like when I just said that someone on hinge just wiped me I just wiped me it was like her first photograph was a picture of her and two other people in it And you know is like tiny out of where is Waldo? Yeah, huh Waldo? Where's waldo? Which one is it? Yeah Or then you put by the way if your woman never put a picture of your gorgeous daughter there because that's who we're gonna want to date Um, don't be you know, I'm sorry. We guys will we'll I get it. I get it So the out of focus photographs the poorly designed those are the photographs and then the essay that's written is usually poorly created So so it comes back to the swiping idea. So if you're doing the dialing for dollars I called it cold calling or back in sales. We used to call it dialing for dollars Then you have to use that methodology, but it actually emotionally Becomes incredibly taxing I agree It becomes almost an emotional drain So from a spiritual perspective, and I just interviewed mac con enjoy kingsboro with the video will be coming out on Um on in a couple days, but they that we're we talked about divine partnership I think for those who are truly on a spiritual path who really are connected with their own divinity and their capacity to be intuitive You can literally look at a profile and feel into it Okay, again 97 of them are going to be you know, swipe the other way anyway Okay, because they see the people that put I'm sorry bluntly speaking shitty shitty output is going to get shitty input Okay, what you put in and what you're going to get out Yeah, and so the ambivalence Of most profiles is is not going to spark somebody who has Set by the way to the extent that I have a very high standard and I use myself in this game Is that I have a watermark that I'm seeking someone to meet so I only put out in my profile Well, if you saw my profile, then you saw quality photographs, right? Yeah, okay You saw quality chris quality photographs all of me I did have one sunglass shot because it was a body shot. Okay, so you see my body I have a photograph of books that I read that tells a little bit about You know, I'm not jumping out of an airplane to say I'm active I show the books I read to talk about who I am on the inside that's listed there And I wrote and I wrote in it if you happen to have read it I wrote some substantial Words in it. It wasn't like I did see that and a photo I believe if I don't want to assume you doing ayahuasca But there was a teepee Shot That was a burning man party, but it was Oh, okay I don't want to make any assumptions, but That told a story Yes, but I mentioned plant-based medicine in my profile too. I think so. Yeah, it's okay But the first sentence is practically after I mentioned my son is I want to get married I'm seeking marriage-minded people. Okay. Why am I bringing all this up? Is the right a lot like a lot of women I know will be gravitate towards that because they're thirsty for a man like that But what I'm looking for is a person who is equally put the same energy out there So what energy have they put into their effort tells me? So if they have quality photographs if they took the time to write something of value in it Those are the ones it doesn't it's not a based on a percentage because when you're dialing for dollars It's all based on a numbers game, right when you're in a good if you have a spiritual philosophy It's all about becoming an attractor for what you want and attracting that in and that's a different approach By the way, uh, I did that Earlier today because I'm thinking about taking a trip and I was just curious But can I be candid with you? I spent all of like two minutes and then I forgot to Disengage from it So I probably only spend on any given day Five to ten minutes total on that because I'm doing all these other things in my life to draw in a partner as well Understood. Yeah, I think I like the idea where I'm I'm not looking at my funnel of having such a wide You know sort of top. I don't mind to straw that filters down If I'm only dealing with three percent again, it's at my Level, you know, I think you and I we had the exchange today about the video the 18 percent, you know Dealing with and it's not even about hypergamy at all. It's more again of just finding someone that's compatible With of course the chemistry Unfortunately on dating apps. I don't know any new tactics or approach because what I'm seeing makes me Even smaller So here's the challenge with midlife, you know Most humans in their 40s 50s 60s and even 70s are actually still dating with 20 year old eyes In other words, you're looking at a 60 year old human being and expecting them to be 20 And I don't care what human says. Otherwise. It's just true. We oftentimes date with 20 and 30 year old eyes What's interesting about matt and joy for example matt I mean he's five foot one, you know matt con and joy is five foot seven You know, she thinks he's a beautiful man on the planet, but he's a little bit pudgy and bald You know would be rejected most likely from a trend from a woman who operates from a transactional perspective She's he's going to be rejected by 99.9 of women because We can fit the five foot seven height that is there and that's not even their bare minimum It's five nine is their bare minimum and even then that's rare But the reality is is when we okay, let me just finish with this slide chemistry I did the Hoffman process some years ago. There were 40 39 people in the group 20 men 19 women So for those women who say men don't do this shit, there were 20 men and 19 women Okay, and you're not allowed to tell people what you do for a living until the second last day And when I mentioned I'm a dating coach All the women surrounded me at the jacuzzi that night Okay, all the guys were upset that I was getting all the attention because of what I do I'm saying this little tongue-in-cheek, but one of the women said to me and she said and I quote Jonathan when I got here I scoped out the entire place and looked at the men and there were two men Oh, I was attracted to it was you and a guy who looked like the marlboro man I mean this guy looked like he came off of a I know what you're talking about I've heard that reference Yeah, and and I happen to be six foot two and a full head of hair So I happen to meet most women's criteria because of my height Okay, she said after spending a week I would date every single man in this room. You see the problem with chemistry Is we make quick judgments based on photographs and not the person's heart So in the case of joy and uh matt they met live in person Their hearts connected with one another and all that superfluous stuff that we oftentimes hyper focus on when you're swiping Yeah, it's taking one of the equation Well, I appreciate it I won't take up much more of your time But I agree chemistry right now every time I've had a high chemistry with a gentleman it crashed and burned In flames, you know when it was like chemistry was on a 10 So yeah, I'm looking for a little bit more compatibility But honestly with dating apps, you know the drill the first thing they get you into the gate Is that photo, you know, and then you start going through the essay That's why the best representation. Yeah, that's why I put the best representation Exactly. Well, I appreciate this. Thank you so much. Can I give you a big gigantic Jonathan bear? Yes Wait, do I get one back? I did very quickly this way. I have to hold the phone with the other hand. Oh god. I got a god. Okay. Thanks a bunch for being on We appreciate it by now Wow, that was fun Barbara had commented on a couple of my videos recently and so I added a little exchange By the way folks, I do my best to read all the comments That are posted on any video. I try to respond to the first 24 hours to give some love and show my appreciation Well, this has been a fun conversation having you all on I hope you found value in this conversation of when he says this you possibly will get your heart broken It was fun to have someone on the hot seat and again sharing from my own personal experiences as well Let me just say this because I did do a video about can the dating apps You know, I look at dating apps as a spoke in the wheel and it's just energy. So coming back to Barbara if you're still listening It's just energy Sadly most people put very poor created energy of themselves And invite everyone to actually up their game on the energy you put out there because the energy you put out There is the energy you tracked in and I invite you all to check out my work as a coach If you need some support And I'm going to end on a prayer for everyone who's watching right now God universe spirit. I was also known as gusts. I heard that from a woman some years ago gusts god universe spirit I invite him for myself and everyone who is watching this right now to experience A juicy delicious healthy happy relationship with there is Juicy delicious chemistry between the two of you where there's that mutual attraction both on a physical emotional and spiritual level and the communication between You is so wonderful The banter can go on for hours and an hours at a time and you genuinely listen and care about what the other person is saying And when there's friction in the relationship, you both hold hands and say we're going to get through this together And the compatibility is wonderful because you can blend lives with one another And simply and easily because the two of you are on a journey of going all in And you share the same values with one another You share the same values with one another and you build the deep roots of trust Through social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in your personal and your professional life and intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy That leads to a fully committed relationship whether you want to live with someone or whether you want to get married You decide to say we are all in from literally the moment You meet someone because those relationships seem to last the test of time god universe spirit I invite that in for myself and everyone who is listening right now Can I get in a hoe? It's raining great men it's raining great men it's raining great men All right Elizabeth says i'll bring up a comment next time. All right. This will be a great place to wrap up if you found value in this Please post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts if you want some support check out a link to a free discovery call with me to see If working with the coach is right for you check out the books I recommend check me out on instagram and if you found value in this video Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well Hey, I want to thank our facebook members who are part of my group called midlife love mastery I want to thank lisk and sharyl and susan and fawz and beverly and barbara And rose and sherry and parry and kassandra and elizabeth and ph French friend françois love curiosity who just became a member of paul tree minnesota girl melissa gg synthia maria d power of chi rosemary Everyone big hugs. Thanks for the love. I hope you found value big hugs to you all have a great wonderful evening be