 I cannot wish as someone else with an Oscar Mayer wiener. I will not cut the vault guards in on the hall instead of fighting them. 1980s breakdancing moves had their place, and front of the Vodassi Prince is not one of them. Just because I was paid in advance doesn't mean I can let the incompetent expedition leader die. There is a limit to how much in your window I can fit into one combat round. Even if it was just my character speaking, I will not claim Texas was stolen from Mexico. I will live longer that way. I cannot put noddens on speed dial. I will not attempt to clear out the dungeons using only Bangalore torpedoes. Picking his pocket means more than just turning him upside down and shaking him vigorously. I will not do anything that Bilbo Baggins hates. Even if I have enough putting silencers on my mini gun doesn't work. There is no such thing as a magic murder bag of holding. I will stop referring to the Eladrin as just an elf mock too. I will not shoot vampires in the chest with a large pistol just so they have to explain the embarrassing sucking chest wound. I will not take a phobia of anything that doesn't exist in the game world. If I have an ability that lets me alter minor aspects of my appearance, that doesn't include girth. Add bulldozers to the list of things vampires are allergic to. Can't strangle a werewolf with a roll of Kodak film no matter what we all know it's made out of. In the middle of a black ops I will not use up all the claymores just because I don't want to take them back with me. I cannot have my mercy surgically removed. Even if I'm in charge I can't order the assault lance to perform Westside story dance routines. If given a holy avenger sword I can't melt it down and reforge into a weapon my paladin actually uses. Even if it still gives a combat bonus to everybody else I can't just stand there and read a common book behind the villain. In the middle of a black ops I can't call my girlfriend a reminder to pick up some Chinese on our way home. I will leave out mating rituals when presenting a cultural exchange with diplomatic ambassadors. Letting the red shirt guard the plane is really frowned upon as it doesn't leave anybody to sacrifice to the shogoths. Cannot start the campaign on fire. Cannot start all my skills at 89% just so I get massive sand boost early. I cannot rick roll people with any video that increases or mythos lore. I will refrain from casting dimension jump at magnificent mansion on every police box we pass. I cannot wish we were playing the previous edition of the game. Stomining a water elemental right above the fire elemental doesn't work. There will be no more debating how much XP Mr. Tumnus would be worth. I cannot be the bizarro version of another player. Nowhere in my barbarian description will I include the word jaunty. My eschew does not get bonus frequent fire miles automatically during character generation. Doesn't matter how big we make it, a pit trap isn't going to take out the terrasque. I have to go into the dungeon not just send in dozens of summoned creatures every morning. Fireballs don't have a non-lethal option. I will ponder this after I cast one at the guy we needed alive. My weapon is a three flaming flail, not my great balls of fire. I will not use a portable hole to cheat at golf. In the middle of a black ops I will not look at the target's HR files to see if they have better benefits. I will not use the major staff of wizardry and lube a pull queue. Torturing the forest doesn't give me any XP for anything inside the forest. I cannot have any gun that lets me kill the villain without being at least in adjacent county. A second level commoner is not twice as common as the first level commoner. If we don't have a thief I can't call triple A to slim Jim the dungeon entry door. I will lick the rhodians in 10A and stick him to the wall while he sleeps. No matter how long his speech is my sniper will not shoot the speaker introduced in the target. During the side jump my neutral can't do mean things to the scions while they are tripping. I will not try to feed the Quinn extremely salty food to see if he melts. Our mission is to rescue the princess, not to bring sexy back. Even if given detailed instructions on page 50-51 can't take Cloud City on a joyride. I can't wish to change my vote on what module we're playing. Baseline is not an acceptable perform skill specialty. Dry Kreen does not have the flaw Obsession Pretty Lights. The party leader is not the one that looks best in a chainmail bikini. I can't make it rain before the invention of paper currency. If I make a cowboy with a young in flaw I can't name him Sue. If I don't have any points in medtech I can't try faith healing. We will not end every adventure with a public service announcement. If my character requires a GM to memorize the rules for siege warfare, he's vetoed. We can't trade the Ranger for a giant pirate or Padre. I am forbidden from using more than 10 source books to make one character. I will wait for the GM to finish this incredibly complicated riddle before answering correctly. I can't wish for somebody to publish the rules for gnomes or barge. The time machine is not for collecting autographs. I can stop rolling at seven times dead. I am forbidden from doing anything that makes a passerby flinch. If even the rules allow it I can't have my uneducated peasant start with every known language. If the rules contradict Isaac Newton, Newton wins. I will not send a villain a fake message his mother is coming and then attack him while he's cleaning. My brooding costume vigilani can't take the flaw Dark Secret will adjust it to society. Despite overwhelming evidence of the contrary, Dick Clark is not Shemsu Heru. Even if I spend the points I can't take the USS Montana as an ally. My knight will not buy a Shetland pony just so he can use his lance underground. I will remember the spiked chain cheese monster is allergic to the improved Sunderfeet. I will stop asking NPCs how much XP they are worth. The seduction skill does not have a two hit on roll. No matter how well I make my bluff check, the Star Destroyer crew isn't going to believe I'm the new captain. Dressing up the wizard as the monk still won't stop monsters from appearing beside him and attacking him first. When asked what game we want the LARP, Frogger is not an option. Chilling Hoga leaves did not make me a goddamn sexual rhinodon. No one won't help if we put a silencer on the bazooka. When approached by a famous historical figure, I can assume he's a time traveler and not a zombie. Paladin is due to urinate. In the middle of a blackout my buttocks is forbidden from making contact with the target's copy machine. It's okay to feed the Ewoks after midnight. Flashbangs are not to be handed out to trick or treaters. A stagehand does not get a better sneak bonus than ninjas. I will not conga-line the pattern. Superpowers that are only useful to ART majors are vetoed. My last wish cannot be for a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus, and the Tarask. I will avoid making wishes that locks the game in an infinite time loop. I will not go to FTL just to avoid the red lights. I will not min-max the appraised skill just to clean up on the price's right. Even if we cleared it out, we can't turn White Plume Mountain into a theme park. Even if the rules allow it, I can't put a spinal-mounted weapon on a bicycle. I cannot have a destroyed that requires me to take the ally advantage two dozen times just to crew it. Stan Lee does not have to make a cameo appearance in every single adventure.