 The Craft Foods Company presents the Great Gildersleeve. Gildersleeve starring Harold Perry brought to you by the Craft Foods Company makers of a complete line of famous quality food products. Well, it's March. March came into Summerfield like a lamb. The thermometer went up to 60 and Gildersleeve slowed right down to a walk. In fact, it was 11.30 in the morning when he came strolling into his office. Oh, Bessie, fine day. Oh, Mr. Gildersleeve, everybody's been acting like Justin going crazy. The mayor's office called. They want you to call right back. Judge took her phone to confirm your lunch and engagement. You got a wire from the Boston Gearworks? They say it may be six weeks. Call Mr. Anderson, please. A man came in, but he went right away. The bank claims you're overdrawn. Is it all right if I go to lunch a little early? I think I'll go home. I paid pardon? Nothing, nothing. Shall I call Charlie Anderson at the reservoir? Not yet. Let me get my coat and hat off first. Hi, Gildersleeve. Oh, hello, Judge. Well, already. Let's go then. Go? Go where? Quite a lunch. Lunch? I just this minute got here. I can't help that. We had an engagement for lunch. If you choose to come sauntering in here at 11.30... I did not saunter. I've been rushing ever since I got up. I had a lot of things to do, that's all. Anyway, who wants to eat lunch at 11.30? Well, I thought we might try the Rambler Rose Tea Room. You know how crowded it gets. But if we start now... Why go there for heaven's sake? It's full of women. Look, they have such delicious bran muffins. I hate bran muffins, you old goat. And I'm not going to any tea room. They have butterscotch pecan pie, Gildersleeve. I hate butters. Are you sure? If you get there early enough, specialty of the house. Well, just let me run through my mail, Judge, and I'll be right with you. Bessie, where is that girl? In here, Mr. Gildersleeve, in your office. Open up a window or something, Bessie. It smells like yesterday in here. Yes, sir. Well, what's in the mail this morning? Just letters. Just letters? Oh, wow. I know, but is there anything important? Anything requiring my immediate attention? Well, there's a letter from someone named McGregor. He's coming to see you. Someone named McGregor? It's a state water inspector. What does he want? Let's see. Brock Morton P. Gildersleeve, a squire, Department of Water, City Hall, Summerfield. Dear sir. The brand muffins are always gone by 12 o'clock. Will you forget your brand muffins? This may be important, Judge. I've had some nasty correspondence with this guy. I think he's laying for me. Well, hurry up. Let's see, dear sir, this is to inform you that I shall arrive in your town Friday afternoon at 5.45 on a routine tour of inspection. Routine. He isn't fooling me. Your cooperation in facilitating a thorough inspection of your plant and facilities and all books and records pertaining thereto will be appreciated. Very truly, T.P. McGregor, state inspector of public water supply. Well, shall we go? I don't think I'll be eating any lunch today, Horace, or any dinner either. Vessie, bring me the file on water consumption. The envelope's right in your desk, Mr. Jones. Where? Where is it? So much stuff here you can't see the woods for the trees. Here it is. Was there some particular figure you wanted? The figure's for 1945 and 1944. I want to make a comparison for McGregor. I've got to beat him to the draw. Here they are, right in top. Oh, there. Funny, I didn't see it. Must be getting punchy. I'm not used to working all day like this, I guess. No, sir, you're not. I mean without lunch, Vessie. It's a long day without lunch. Yes, sir. Would you like me to go out and get you another sandwich? Never mind. And get rid of these paper plates, will you, Vessie? Yes, sir. Here. Water consumption, 1945. 802,000 gallons. That's pretty good. 1944, 868,000 gallons. We lost 60,000 gallons or more. We're slipping, Vessie. Why hasn't someone called us to my attention? I put the report on your desk, Mr. Gill, to see. I know, but it looks like, well, just any other report. How did I know it would mean anything? I don't know. I wonder what it does mean. I wonder if McGregor's got wind of this. How could he if you didn't know it yourself? Yeah, that's right. Still, it's funny his coming to snoop around here all of a sudden. Vessie never came before. Almost five years I've been here and nobody's bothered me. Well, there's nothing shady going on in my department. I may be sloppy, but I'm not shady. Am I, Vessie? No, sir, you're not. Shady. Yes, I've got a writer report explaining the decline in water consumption, though, Vessie. Otherwise, McGregor may blame me for it. Got your book? Yes, sir. Okay, take a report. A report on water consumption 1945. While at first appearance, the water consumption figures for 1945 may appear to show a decline, there are several factors to explain it. Yes, sir? I'm trying to think of some factors. Let's see. Small time bureaucrat. Don't put that down, Vessie. Several factors to explain the decline. The difficulties of reconversion? Strikes? We haven't had any strikes in Summerfield. Put it down, Vessie. It's better than nothing. We haven't had any reconversion either. 66,000 gallons less in 1945. But is it my fault if people don't want to wash? Besides, what business is it of the inspectors? Yeah, who's he think he is? Tear up that stuff. Uh, wait a minute, Vessie. Someone just came in. I'm busy, you understand? I'm going to see nobody. Yes, Mr. Gilda, Steve. I'll take care of it. Yes, he is, Leroy, but he's awfully busy. That's okay. I don't have to see him for a minute. Well, he distinctly said, what is it you want? It's personal, Vessie, and important, too. Well, I... Well, say, here comes your sister. My sister? Leroy, what are you doing here? Same thing you are. I got here first. I told you he's very busy, Leroy. He'll see me. Hey, Aunt, can I see you for a sec? I'm found as Leroy. Vessie told you I was busy. I know, but she always says that. It just so happens that today I am busy. What is it you want? Uh, you tell him, Marge. Go ahead. You want it to be first. No, you go ahead. What is this? Well... No. What is it you want, my dear? Nothing, I guess. You must have come in here for something. Now, what is it? Her April allowance. Leroy. You spoil everything. Me? I'd have got mine if you hadn't come busting in, too. You would not. Now, listen here, you kids. You walk in here without a care in the world. You just want money to fritter away on nothing. Well, I want it... Whatever it is, it's nothing. What is your old uncle doing while you think only of asking him for money? Working? That's not all. I got a letter this morning from the state inspector of water. He's coming here tomorrow afternoon to go over my books. Every bank deposit, every check, every penny. Gosh. That means I have to get everything in order. It's a tremendous job. I haven't left my desk today, not even for lunch. Oh, gee, auntie, that's terrible. I wouldn't have bothered you if I'd known. No, neither would I. Oh, this time I remember that your old uncle was carrying a big load on his shoulders. I'm sorry if we disturbed you, auntie. Yeah, same here. Is there anything I could do to help? Is there anything I could do? No, no, thank you, children. Just run along. Eh, here. Here's a dollar apiece to get you through the afternoon. Oh, thank you, auntie. Thanks, aunt. You're super. Could you make it? Get out of here and let me get to work. Well, Bessie, let's forget 1945. That's water over the dam. How are we doing in 1946? In what respect? The first quarter. How much money did we bill in January, February, and March? The March bills haven't gone out yet. Haven't gone out? Yeet gods, Bessie. Why not? I told you. The meter reader had the flu. That's no excuse, Bessie. Can't find it. We've got to have some system around here. If I... Somebody just came in, Bessie. Tell him I'm busy. Yes, sir. And this time I mean it. Yes, sir. Where's Gilda Sleeve? Where's the chick that runs this office? Where is everybody? Oh, Uncle Charlie. Bessie, shut the door here. Tell him I can't possibly see him now. Yes, sir. I'll tell him. Oh, well, there you are. Where's the fat boy? Are you referring to Mr. Gilda Sleeve? You know who I'm referring to, Chick. Is he still out till lunch, or is he taking a snooze? Mr. Gilda Sleeve is in his office, and he can hear every word you say. That's good. Charlie Anderson here to see you, Commissioner? I'm not here. Mr. Gilda Sleeve is very busy. He can't possibly see you this afternoon, Mr. Anderson. No, he can't, can't he? I'll see you here, Charlie Anderson. I've stood about enough from you. You ain't stood nothing yet. Where's that worm gear I told you had to have? Well, I've ordered it, Charlie. I know that. You've been telling me that right along. I got a wire from the Boston Gear people this morning. We'll have it in six weeks. Six weeks? I told you a month ago I had to have it right away. Charlie, there's a war on. The war's over, and I'm tired nursing that pump like a baby. I'm just going to let her run down tomorrow. Oh, Charlie, you've got to keep that pump going. It's a matter of life and death. That's what I've been telling you. Week in, week out, you just sit there in your swell office, smoking them swell cigars, and telling me to keep a shirt on. Have a cigar, Charlie. I'll take one, but it don't mean nothing about it. This is one time you stalled too long, Commissioner. Charlie, you're not quitting. Quitting? Heck, no. You're going to sit right there by the reservoir and draw my pay, while that dad-busted pump kicks itself to pieces. Then in a couple of days, you'll go to the sink and turn on the water, and all you'll hear is... Charlie, I'll telephone the Gear people. I'll come out to help you with my own hands. I'll be out there waiting for you. But don't forget to bring your overalls. I don't know, Bessie. Looks like I'm cornered. But we mustn't be down-hearted. Chin up, Bessie. Remember, the night is always darkest just before the dawn. I wonder if there's anything in that. Probably you know that our government still needs a great deal of nutritious cheddar cheese. But you can get Kraft's famous cheese food, Valvita, with the wonderfully rich yet mild cheddar cheese flavor. There's the thing to satisfy the cheese lovers at your house. Spread or slice golden Valvita for snacks and sandwiches. See how perfectly Valvita melts for hot dishes. With lent beginning so soon, remember the easy recipe for Valvita sauce. Just melt one-half pound of Valvita in the top of a double boiler, then stir in one-third cup of milk. There's a gloriously rich, smooth cheese sauce that's delicious on fish or eggs. And nutritious too, for Valvita helps supply high quality, complete protein, milk minerals, food energy, riboflavin and vitamin A. In the food stores these days, keep your eyes open for the delicious cheese food of Kraft quality. The yellow packages of the genuine are always plainly marked Valvita. Now let's get back to the Great Gilder Sleeve. A night of worried half-sleep with visions of the water inspector dancing through his head, plus a morning spent wrestling with unfamiliar and contradictory figures on water sails and telephoning Charlie Anderson at the reservoir has reduced him to a state where he requires the services of Floyd Munson, the friendly barber. Give me a massage, will you, Floyd? Stepping out? No, no. Just a darn tired and jittery. I had to do something. Think a massage will help? I guarantee it. Stretch out in a chair there, commissioner, and in ten minutes I'll have you looking like sunny tufts. I don't care who I look like, I want to feel good. Okay, you'll feel like sunny tufts. I'll lay down. I'll come you some knocked out, commissioner. Don't seem like you to work yourself so hard. I work just as hard as anybody in this town, Floyd. Only kidding, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. Just the same when you're tired, it's news. Been going crazy the last 24 hours, that's why I'm tired. The state water inspector's coming in six o'clock this evening to give my place the once over. Oh, a little shortage in the cash store? Floyd. Only kidding. Gosh, this thing's got you kind of edgy. Ordinarily, I'd welcome it. I've got as well run a department as there is in this state. Right now my meter reader's got the flu, my secretary can't add two and two, and my chief engineer's on a sit-down strike for a worm gear. You don't say. Yeah, so this inspector's liable to turn in the bad report and make trouble for me. Yeah, I guess he could have, Pat. Well, get this hot towel on your kisser and you'll feel better right off. There. What kind of a guy is this inspector, huh? That's what I was going to ask you. Oh, that's your line. Yeah, go ahead. Try it again. Well, what kind of a guy is this inspector? You confused me with that towel. He's a small-time bureaucrat, I suppose. I never saw the fellow. Well, they're all alike. Yeah. Everyone else alike is only one way to handle him, Commissioner. Oh, what's that? Show him a good time. Never let him get around to any inspector. Well, that don't sound so easy. Sure it's easy. When a fellow's on a trip, he wants a little fun, don't he? I suppose so. Sure. But when I was in Barbara College, the State Barbara Commission visited the school to give it the double O. Professors took him out and showed him the town. Did we get a swell report? He never got inside to college. This may be a little different for him. This fellow McGregor sounds like he's out for blood, though. He writes a tough letter. Oh, that's nothing but crap. Down underneath, he's looking for a good time. Yeah, but I don't even know him. I wouldn't know how to entertain a stranger for a whole evening. Well, now, Commissioner, I ain't saying you ought to take him to your house and discuss the price of eggs all evening. A fellow like that wants to meet some girls. How do you know he does? Maybe he's too old. If he's too old for girls, he wouldn't be taking trips. Yeah, that's the way to handle him, Mr. Gillisley. Hi, George Floyd. You may be right. Under ordinary circumstances, I wouldn't consider it, do you understand? But I'm desperate. Sure. Now, if you don't know any girls, there's a couple of waitresses at the Busy B. Nice kids. Good dances. You know, make a noise like a party. It won't be necessary for you to provide the ladies, Floyd. Let me out of here. How about your massage? I'll take a rain check. I got to get started on this. Hello, Mr. Gillisley. Can I use your phone, Peevee? Not at all. You'll find it right in your phone booth here. Oh, thanks. Oh, my goodness, no change. Hey, give me two nickels for a dime, will you? Don't back a fair enough time. Thinking of calling up somebody? I was planning to wash out my socks in there. What do people usually do in telephone booths? I sometimes wonder. They take the young people now. Huh? They seem to come in just to carve their initials and dispose of their chewing gum. And other people, they... Look, Peevee, I'm in a hurry. Never mind what they do in phone booths. Why do you ask? Never mind. I'm in a hurry. It's all the same to you. I'd like to make a phone call. Well, go ahead, man. Make it. Well, give me my nickels. Mr. Gillisley, I beg your pardon. I took your dime and I didn't give you your nickels. Now, that just goes to show how you can get your mind on something and then you did give me the dime, didn't you? Certainly I gave you the dime. That's what I thought. There you are. Thank you very much and call again. I hope she hasn't left the house, that's all. How do you close the door on this darn booth? Mr. Gillisley, that isn't that you want to. Well, I want to. I only suggest that leaving it open because some of our customers find that the booth tends to steam up on an extended phone call. You want me to leave it open so you can hear what I've got to say? No, I wouldn't say that. Well, then help me close it. Are you in? I'm in. Easy does it. Busy confounded. Talk, talk, talk. Nuts, I'll go over there. It's of engagement. Thought he wasn't going to be Trockmorton. Party, Leela, we'll do the town. You see, I've got this friend coming from out of town and I thought we'd all go out to get... You didn't tell me about your friend, Trockmorton. What's he like? Well, he's not a friend exactly, Leela. I mean, I've never met him. I mean, well, his name's McGregor. T.P. McGregor. He's a water inspector. A water inspector? You're asking me to go out with a water... Oh, not just you. I thought I'd invite Eve Goodwin, too. Thought we'd make it a sort of a foursome. A girl for each of the fellas. Don't you think that would be fun? Well, I suppose a schoolteacher could get along with a water inspector and vice versa. But it doesn't sound like any riot. Maybe we could shake them later, huh? Well... As a matter of fact, I thought that I'd sort of pair off of Eve, Leela. And stick me with a water inspector? Oh, no. But you don't understand. This fellow McGregor is a big shot. He works for the state. Why, he could get me fired tomorrow. That is, if there was any reason to fire me, which of course there isn't, why should anybody want to fire me? That's ridiculous. I'd just like to see him try. He could, though. I failed to see what that has to do with me. Well, don't you see, Leela? Here's this fellow from out of town. He probably wants a little fun. So I thought if you could, well, you know, kind of be nice to him and kid him along and entertain him. Maybe put in a word for me at the same time. Let Eve could win entertainment. Well, you know Eve, Leela. She's a swell girl, but she's kind of intellectual for this type of fellow. I mean, Eve is such a lady. Wow! I just wish that one of my male relatives could hear you say that. Well, you know what I mean, Leela. Gosh! Mr. Gildersleeve, I don't know what kind of brawl you're planning, but you may plan it without me. Leela, don't be like that. I am not giving up a lecture by Burton Holmes for a wrestling match with a water inspector. Yum! Now what do I do? Try Eve? If I can't get Leela a chance do I stand with Eve? You said it, none. Well, Gildersleeve, I guess there's nothing to do now, but go back to the office and face the music. It's too late now, boy. Too late now. Though you're trying to cover up, just face the music, that's all. You've made your bed, now lie in it. What time is it now, Bessie? What's next? You could come anytime now, anytime. Equipment breaking down, organization falling to pieces, people threatening to resign, and your best friends won't even give you a hand. Maybe you should take an aspirin. All I ask you to do is be a little nice to him. Now, Floyd, he isn't a particular friend of mine, but at least he offered to help, even offered to arrange a party. Hey, say Bessie. Yes, sir. Bessie, get me Floyd Munson on the telephone quickly. Get me Floyd Munson. Floyd? The barbershop here. I'll get it myself. I'll close my door, Bessie. Mr. McGregor arrives, I ask him to wait out there just one minute. Barbershop. Floyd? Yeah. Gildersleeve, say about those girls you mentioned, Floyd, the ones that work at the sandwich shop? I thought I'd be here. What about them? Do you think you could line them up for this evening? I know it's kind of short notice. No such a thing. Well, my friend McGregor won't be here, well, for a minute at least, and I'd kind of like to, you know, kind of get things started right away, and since the busy B is right across the... Wait a minute, you just sit tight there and I'll have the girls over to your... They're not doing something else. I'm not sure they'd be girls as popular as that. Why get your hopes up? You actually should have told them to call me back. Now I don't know where I stand. This is my last hope. My last hope. If this fails, I fail. Ten minutes to six. They must have been late, thank goodness. Why doesn't Floyd call? Why doesn't he... Hello, Floyd? Yeah, Commissioner. Just a second, Floyd. Bessie, I'm on the telephone. I know, I know. Tell the inspector I'll be right out and I'll close the door. Hello, Floyd? What's the good word? It's all set, Commissioner. The girls are on the way over. They should be there any minute. Gosh, Floyd, I don't know how I can ever thank you. That's okay, don't thank me. Well, thanks a million, Floyd. Thanks a million. Save for the bell. I only hope the inspector brought his banjo. We show him a time. Well, mustn't keep him waiting. Load up with a few cigars here first. Well, Bessie, where's the inspector? Are you a Mr. Gilvastee? Yeah, but I can't see you now, lady. I'm very busy. Bessie, I thought you said Inspector McGregor was here. I am Inspector McGregor. Yes, I... You're... You mean you're... T.P. McGug, McGug, McGug... Theresa McGregor, yes. What do you know about that? Shall we get down to business? Oh, by all means. Yes, indeed. We always were late here. Yes, indeed. Oh, the girls. Bessie, lock that door or lock it. That's all. We'll be right back, so stick around. If you have youngsters at your house, we certainly hope your refrigerator holds a package or two of the famous cheese food, Valvita. For there's the cheese food youngsters particularly go for. And Valvita is so good for them. Hidden in Valvita's rich yet mild cheddar cheese flavor, there's high quality complete protein for strong muscles, important milk minerals, food energy, riboflavin and vitamin A. All this Valvita puts into good eating snacks and sandwiches. Remember too how perfectly Valvita melts for hot main dishes you may be serving more often during lent. When you shop, look for the cheese food of craft quality. San Juan, Valvita. Oh, I don't know when I've laughed so hard. Yeah, me too. Have another brand muffin, inspector. Oh, no, I really shouldn't. They are delicious though. Waitress, some more of these brand muffins for Miss McGregor. It is miss, isn't it? No, unfortunately, misses. Oh, yeah. But my husband passed on some years ago. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. I've tried to fill his shoes. Been difficult at times. Yeah, tremendous load for a woman. May I say that I admire you for it? Thank you. And may I say that I found this dinner most enjoyable? These inspection trips are usually so dull. Yes. I suppose we'll have to be getting back to the office. Yes, I suppose so. Speaking of the office, I can't get over those two girls thinking my office was the Oculus. Yes, it was odd. Nearsighted, I guess. See, I was just thinking. What? No, no, I don't guess so. What? Well, no. Oh, come on. Well, how would you like to go to a Burton Holmes lecture? Why not? After all, this inspection is purely routine. Of course. We can clean it up in five minutes tomorrow morning. Sure. Well, better get started. Let me get your rap, Inspector. Good night, folks. Don't worry about me. The Great Gilder Sleeve is played by Harold Perry. It is written by John Wheaton and Sam Moore. The music is by Jack Meakin. Lee Roy and Marjorie are played by Walter Tetley and Louise Erickson. Leela Ransom is Shirley Mitchell. And Judge Hooker and Mr. Peavey are Earl Ross and Richard Legrand. This is John Lang speaking for the Kraft Foods Company and inviting you to listen in again next week for the further adventures of The Great Gilder Sleeve. Remember, there are delicious prepared mustards, too, in Kraft's famous line of quality foods. First in the popularity parade is Kraft salad mustard. The mustard with the golden color and the tangy flavor that adds success to salad dressings, hot-cooked vegetables, egg and cheese dishes. Then there's this sharper variety your dealer is featuring. It's the Kraft mustard with snappy horseradish added, smacking good on sausage meats and in sauces for fish. Why not buy both delicious varieties? Ask for Kraft salad mustard and Kraft horseradish mustard when you shop tomorrow. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.