 If you can see this message, dangerous animals have escaped from a nearby research facility, and you must stay within your home. The animals in question are part of a research project exploring the linguistic capabilities of animals. The animals are capable of speech. Therefore you must not listen to the instructions, inquiries, or other dialogue from anyone you cannot see. These animals resemble skinless dogs with sharp teeth, and they possess additional unusual abilities. These abilities include the emission of potent and elastic chemicals, which can induce confusion and memory loss. You must do your best to remain cognizant, and remember, do not listen to the voice of anyone you cannot see. Local authorities are working to contain these animals before they can do harm. Thank you for your attention and cooperation.