 Do do do do do People would watch this watch our reaction to it and expect that we hate this movie or something When it pops up and you've had movies they probably be like, what the fuck? It's just gonna be us talking about how Gandalf smokes too much When they meet back up Gandalf will be telling stories of like how they all managed to make it through some tough shit Broda talking about his time in the volcano and she lob and stuff Maybe like what was your toughest trip? Gandalf just like wide-eyed Hammer zooms on him That just shows this I fell through a chasm fighting a giant satan demon Like Gandalf are you still high? We should all just go to new zealand together one time and check out the things We'll have to hold zealand. I love the idea that they were like This is so cool. Let's show it again. This is how cool this was That was Gandalf's message to say use the eagles you idiots and they never did Well, he did tell them to not use the eagles after last time Joe Sanding makes messengers Gandalf This is still part of his trip. He's just pretending this is all happening And his career as a wizard is pretty eventful when he's not smoking weed then again Pretty much is when you smoke and weed. I like the chilt also Beautiful Oh, he ends up on a fucking mountaintop. How the hell did that happen? So in the book what happens is there's a stairwell that goes all the way back up and Gandalf pretty much just he's still fighting the balrog and like Fighting way up to the top of the mount. No balrog is like shit. I don't know where else to go And then they have to fight and then he dies. Look the elven rope Oh, that mist doesn't look so thick anymore Yeah What's in this? It's his box of condoms It's very special that I think there actually is an edit where he opens it up in the condom in there I thought maybe you and I would you never know mr. Frodo Now when you said seize the chicken What exactly? Still recovering from that last trip huh Frodo I wonder what tolki would have thought about the whole eye on the tower thing The eye on the tower is taken from Apart in the book. There's not a physical eye on top of it. There's a line But uh, well, he looks into the uh into Galadriel's mirror and he sees an eye reathed in flame And they just kind of put that on top of the tower to give sauron a more physical presence since he doesn't have one in the book I'm okay with it because they do take a part of the book and just repurpose it for film My god, it's fringy. How much do you think fringy's gonna hate us when we release this and everyone starts sending him However, none whatsoever. He won't watch this Fringy's got better things to do. I just imagine like Golem art, but he has like the two yellow Board eyes that Fringy has and it's stripped down the center of his face Well, you got to change it up now. He's got the plague doctor going for him. Oh, that's true He proved himself against the golem memes beforehand. Oh, we can still make it work Oh, yeah, what's something that fringy holds dear so that we can make the my precious things still work kangaroos, maybe You know, I don't think I've even heard him say that word which is a shame This is what happens after you inject one marijuana not even once You want the top stuff even think about doing there? I think I might have unironically seen a picture of golem on one of those anti weed pages on facebook This is the face of a method Well fringy you're kind of a spurg Yeah, that's the idea Because of what gandalf told Frodo, he lets him live and golem really fucks everything up twice Then again without golem. They might have been caught way earlier. Perhaps it's a good message of how you should take advantage of people and then kill them It's crazy how good this still looks That does actually look pretty good That's the nice thing is they put the CGI budget to good use rather than wasting it a bunch of other shit We let him go you'll lead us right to a spider Also, I want to point out this movie was made on a budget of 90 million And the last Jedi was made on a budget of 317 Jesus It's funny the Game of Thrones season eight was made on an estimated budget of 90 million Each of the lord of the rings movies was 90 million roughly. Oh, yeah 90 million for all of them was like Fuck I still we've talked about before I just don't get how peter jackson managed to get that job Yeah, because before this he only made like zombie comedy And he knocked this one out of the fucking park because like why would they invest so hard into a fantasy as well? You know, yeah, because there wasn't really any good fantasy before this That's some Produces that were like this is a shill hit originally They were only going to be cleared for two movies But one guy was like no and they gave them like a year to prepare before they even started filming Totally different story with the hobbit though because they were given no prep time and peter jackson only came on because they Weren't going to film in new zealand didn't want he just he wanted to save it from being terrible He was kind of forced into it. He didn't want to do it There's also a lot of studio meddling like the whole Toriel romance thing was a studio decision Yeah actress was like not on board if there was going to be a love triangle that they just had with anyway Yeah, it's really shitty what they did with those movies But they just feed him look like blood In the books, it's like basically orc liquor. It's really rough, but it keeps you alive, I guess That's grog Neat, but the work of the drink both the drink. I'm grog and this is grog I make it. I call it me What is this? Bad penis I was gonna say they must be a pretty obvious trail One of the orc guys like hey you dropped this Be careful. This looks expensive Fun fact about this running shot or these running shots is a vigo This was after he broke his foot and it was after legolas broke his rib by falling off a horse So this whole time is like in horrible pain. I think the idea that they do it for the movie He told them that is like by the way guys, uh, we left all the running shots to loss Get some rest because tomorrow you get up right and early to do some running scene Less than a day ahead of us With walls and natural sprinters very dangerous over short distances Love how much this movie fleshed out in their characters more because fellowship focused mostly on uh, Frodo Yeah, and gala split up a bit, you know, they can Get focused on something strange. Yeah, I can fit a T wool I couldn't do it. Yeah, let's say. No, it's an SJW movie That's racist. Why'd you have to say that? He just say what do I see Make a isn't guard great again. Saruman really gave all these orc jobs They're even pulling people out of the dirt to give jobs, man. They're proactive. This one's teeth aren't very good Maybe he's inspecting. It's like as if you have any standards Saruman looks slightly to the left and sees a forest right there Yes, that orcs like um, I guess I didn't think of that You gotta fight with that hand later. He wouldn't cut the back He always cut the front. Hey, he's got typical uk Dental care. Oh sweet. Do they get do we get representation in this film? I surely do So you're dentist that didn't like game of thrones. She like painted your teeth brown and like vastumen with a hammer and Said it was good, right? Well, that's standard. You can get the premium. Which is just you have the mold removed That's too hygienic. It's true. You have the mold removed and then put back in upside down So it you just see the roots Oh god, that sounds kind of scary actually that that would actually be kind of terrifying Hey, he was in tube Oh, no, this is another way what are those like perfect casting choices. Yeah Then he did alien resurrection after this. That was also a perfect casting choice. The guy's weird as fuck Yeah, he was Yep, you know the new voice of chuckie is mark hamill in that cool kind of makes me want to see it Why'd they replace him? Is he dead? I just a good question. Actually, I don't know I think they want to bring him back because he's the original voice I can't imagine the creepy ass conversation where grimoire like agreed to saraman's plans As long as saraman makes her fall in love with him or something No, no, he just he no, he just really really wants to wear that green dress Dude insensitive comment Wow because they're black that's fucked up. It's like the aragore never responded to him But like a last later is like did were you like offended by that? That's one sexy orc That was a bear one orc. I bet it was hard pulling him out of the dirt. He was like I want to stay I want to do five more minutes I'm still cooking guy. He's such a gross looking orc. He looks way better than basically every single orc in the hobbit I mean, yeah, this probably took a ton of effort to make but look how it paid off I know and it's done forever now Now one's gonna save you now. So that was a fucking lie. Oh, look proper use of cavalry Red sun rises blood has been spilled this night Aragorn's like is that a real thing? Seriously, really don't people die like every day in middle-earth Yeah, so every time The I see a red sky in the morning. I'm like, oh shit someone died. I don't think the sun cares I just feel like Fucking worthless humans dying all the time I love the game where he reacts to the leg less looking out for him. It's so cool We killed the children just like Daenerys. She's an inspiration in these lands At that moment Eomer fucking realizes like shit. I just killed the kids If you look at Eomer when he gets out his horse, you can see his sword fall off Okay, it's gonna be right here crags. Just look at Eomer's head as he's getting out of right here Drop this like thank you You think the sound of it hit the ground or whatever else they must have been like, oh, let's do that take a get Oh, they're just like, uh, you know, it might be plastic. So like it hit the grass So it might have been like Buffalo no one. Yeah, they probably just thought it was a hoof and they're all like in the zone So they might just immediately Broke his foot Riptoe. I just love that Peter Jackson like kept that in he was like, man, that was a great take Vigo and then your reaction was so your reaction of pain anguish is so real. How do you do it? That's genuinely what he thought too is that he's put on a really great performance and then it's like, no, no He just broke his foot Looks so good. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't even look dated Wow, so so when they were collecting up all the bodies they took the trouble of grabbing that belt and throw it on the pile The guys like I just really fucking hate belts The way they edit that It's like, oh look, they're just a meter away I could grab them. Hi guys. Hey He seemed disgusted. I know I love that It's talking Mary the tree is talking tree I am no tree It's like calling it indian and pakistani. It's just you don't don't do it. They look exactly the same Fuck off if you get them confused when he calls them orcs. Yeah, yeah Not very well read you don't read books from out of trees muller kind of fucking read books Why would they not be able to read books if they were made out of books? No, it's It's like reading a it's like reading a book that was printed on a scroll of dead baby skin. I do it Gandalf was hoping to hide out and get high and fangirl and then he was like, oh, fuck these two Well, hey, at least they know they're weed Look like he stepped into a bowl of oatmeal. Yeah, so, uh He's led us into a swab. Just one of my favorite like red group memes because we watched this as a group About two years ago And they were just like, how do you not know that? I'm just waiting for fucking golem to be like the fuck dude. It took him a while to process it. He's still a little high We must be quick settled down to camp Fucking fringy eating worms. Yeah, it's an australian delicacy, I guess Why can't you just get high like everyone else? Hey golem if you can sit at a hairdresser It looks better than uh, patrick willams hair That's a golem trying to make a cobova with all that You know like in a year, that'll be what h bomb Just a moment where you have to be like, all right going bald is the best thing for me Some people like floris look better bold than they do with hair. I fucking like golems A little shocked expression there. He hit me. What does it be your friend, dude? Frodo's like that's bullshit Oh, fuck man. I must be smoking the same thing you are the mist here. It's a it's a giant hotbox Whether we're filled with this pia jacks was like lay down in the underwater and just pretend to be dead They were like, um Foul I love that the ghosts here still look better than the 2016 ghost busters movie God, they like cartoons in the that movie like when people like oh focus too much on Writing consistency, you'll get boring movies. I'm like, bring them on bring on the board movies. I'll watch them I'll take boring over bad any day even though the idea is gonna say No friend to table value probably like I'd rather watch the room than something that's well written like a guy doing his taxes Insistently would be really boring. Yeah, but who's gonna make that kind of movie. Yeah, this is the problem That's the boogeyman. They're like see it'll be that it's like it wouldn't be that It's like no one has ever made that it's the straw man by idiots. You guys would not believe how high I was I can't say if this actually happened When Frodo's like I destroyed the one rigged sorrow to the zombies the ghettos like I killed a balrog Yeah, I killed a balrog with a sword and lightning Dude, I want to be like can we go back to the site in which you killed him just to see the corpse Like that's so fucking cool Gandalf. It like takes some pictures with it posted on facebook and shit What's that over your uh of your door right there? Oh nothing just a skull of a balrog that I uh Fucking some dwarf comes across it and takes a selfie with his axe in the body like I did it It was me So if he died again with the gods people be like what the fuck dude three times now, dude That was what they used to call me forgot his own name. He's so high. Well, Gandalf. This is legless and gimly and I'm are you frightened? So the real question is now that he's Gandalf the white is he more or less high? I don't think it's fucked up, but he's more powerful when white. Yeah very racist The coming of maryon pippin will be like the falling of small stones that starts and have a laugh The coming of maryon pippin It's an event in middle-earth history Gandalf you really like these kids, huh? I think Tolkien would think of the tonal dildo means You would approve that for sure Did you have mushrooms in your face? Is that like are you gonna use those shrooms? He's casually peeling the buffy. He's like, oh the fuck It's like piece of shit fell asleep on me. Is this all I have to you? What do you know good lighting at night? How cool are those names by the way or thank and baradur? It's like Tolkien. How'd you go out with so many cool names? He pulled a lot from like north shit. I think you like took a bunch of names from then changed like one letter Oh more than that but two letters He was like trying to create an entirely different language And uh, well he made a really cool sounding one. I feel bad for the guy who made the dothraki language I feel bad for anybody involved with game of thrones Yeah, I guess that's true. God, we this is what I mean about the whole like we have this lucky So we have to be thankful these movies went fucked by the second or third lucky enough to get one good movie But three in a row like And they're like some of the best movies ever made on That and made by a guy who really had no right to have made such good movies That's what I mean about the luck element There's so many things that should have gone wrong, but didn't the way they filled this I'm kind of confused as to how the stillings didn't see them already Yeah, I guess the implication is that they're a bit behind a hill and they have to go around the hill to find them And yeah, and you can kind of make them out with this. Which is why I kind of like it Like I kind of believe that's not a rock the cloaks act more like the box in a metal gear solid We're gonna just walk through the front gate Yeah, not a well thought out plan, but I guess they were just desperate because like we're right here This is it. Are you saying there's another way into Mordor? That's not literally through the front gate while they're all watching. Yeah I mean you could assume there's high walls everywhere else Golem stop feeling him up Mr. No, no fro I like the idea that tree beards would have walked here Looked around and been like, oh guys, they're gone and left and then they just die under the tree Oh, this is so gross like now is not the time dude I can't something about me Can believe the idea that Grima is awkward with men. Yeah. Yeah, I think I can see what are you talking about? He's a stud. Look at me. He chooses literally the worst possible time to talk to it Like if she was on the toilet, it would be more suitable And the way he frames it too, it's like your brother deserted you, but I can take it She's like I was there when you gave the order to banish him, dude I'm not retarded. Look at that big fucking mole on his head or wart rather He was a really annoying boss in the third age game. He was a boss. Yep. Everyone's a boss in the third age game The fucking eye of sorrow was a boss Oh, is that the one where you stand hilariously on the tower and like hack at it and you could send a Wog after it. It's like a special move. Someone has the Wog jumps into it bites it. This is like, what the fuck? So you've been got fucking drool running down his chin. It's probably sweat, right? Maybe it's a dead guy in the room, right? He just looks around like, oh fuck It's a literal dead guy Embolism Better than drogon melting the iron throne. Oh god, dude. Don't even fucking Dragon understands symbolism He's a well-read dragon. People argue with that. It's like the dragon's a hyper intelligent big sad It's like a fuck off. Martin actually said that they're not there's an interview on youtube He can watch actually says they're not that intelligent not compared to like smalg or anything Even smalg probably would have put that together. He'd be like wow. She was a bitch. There's a fucking chair The only thing I could think of that might work with that Is if uh, john was standing in front of it and then drogon tried to burn him And he didn't die because of the Targaryen thing Which wouldn't make sense because he got banned in season one Yeah, I know I kind of wish they didn't do that just so we could have that moment and the show could have it So the old tug areas were wow. No, not old tug it. Fuck it. Whatever. I Well, I like these like he wouldn't pop an old bad from his stick and he's like you're a fucking wizard Just staff. I'm a little stupid. I'm gonna try to take a staff from a wizard Ain't fucking doing it. That's above my pay grade like how legless kind of helps walk him in Yeah, he's an innocent old man Yeah, but he's a fucking wizard I thought about it I thought about it then realized that I want to live and it made a convincing argument I like the idea that Gandalf after you're coming to sobriety Decided to try and save fate and from the meth The methamphetamine has addled your mind And you think I will detox you magically Gandalf fucking disarrobes in front of him He's just naked Oh, I love uh, you'll be able to hear saruman's voice. Yeah. Yeah, it's awesome If I go failed him dies Payback for the spinning Just felt the need to touch his buddy there And he looks so much better pretty good Ah, this movie did the de-aging thing way before captain They did it with samuel jackson and everyone was like, this is so cool And it's like they did it 20 years ago. That tells you something that all everyone everyone could talk about was the de-aging tech It's like what else is there like these comments from the special effects people say that was the most difficult thing they'd done And it was impossible to get it right and stuff And I was just like well at least you guys tried seems to be a running theme with Anything nowadays everyone but the writers are trying either that or the writers really are trying and we just live in a really sad world I don't want to believe that they're not trying at all I'd prefer that world Do you know they actually had a forge in the studio to make these swords and shit? Really? So like these are real swords? Not all of them some of them are They probably get the good ones for the up close shots like this and a lot of props and extras for the background stuff Man, I really wanted him to kill green The chainmail is actually largely real too Like they made millions of links in the special features They talk about how most fantasy chainmail is done horribly so they decided to make real one So that it looks more authentic technically lego last kill steals greener winter Yeah, legless is just a fucking kill stealer in the trilogy. He's like how much xp is that? It's like one. He's like what? range damage Ever since gandalf killed the balrog single-handed lees would Be back but then aowyn goes and kills the witch king and Just pisses off like this. He comes up at the top of his screen while he's running around 10 000 xp He's like what? Leveled up Just keeps spabbing notifications. He's leveled up leveled up leveled up level. She was on zero Just imagine it cutting to legless like sitting down and screaming Look at all these helmets and all the chainmail and scale mail and All the armor and the weapons and it just looks so I mean, it's got this great aesthetic to it this dark green brown norris kind of look to it But it's just so awesome. I love that if you really look closely at every single place they go, even between the elves in Keras Galathorn and to Lothlorien, they don't look the same. Like every single culture in these movies looks different. But you have Elagost is the Ranger type guy that you meet. He's your... The fuck is Elagost? Pretty sure he's Duna Dain, isn't he? I'm not sure. I haven't played the game in eight. It's co-op. We should play through it together. It's Duna Dain. Gosh. Duna Dain. Well, A.I.A. Duna Dain. I don't care how some guy pronounced it. Duna Dain sounds cooler than Duna Dain. No it doesn't. Totally does. Dain. Great Dain. Fucking awesome dogos. Duna Dain. I know what it is you want. Duna Dain sounds like a fucking great feast. How do I do them? They were disgusting these huge issues. Ghibli's like... Jesus fucking good. He goes well with my foot. Look at all the foodies. Sanadun. Not Aragorn was king of Rohan. Alright, Jesus. Fine, fine. Be a fucking dick. He wipes his mouth for this beard. I mean, kiss my beard. I have beard to light my beard. I like that Gilmy. Ghibli is the last dwarf that actually looks like a dwarf. And then in the hobbit all the dwarves look like handsome and shit. Oh fuck yeah. Fuck that. That really annoyed me. Philly doesn't even have a beard I don't think. Or is it Kelly? I can't remember. The one that the girl dates. He's literally like Aragorn but short. Just so dumb. Shadow Facts is like I'm above these other horses. You realize this? I have to shit in the corner. What have you done to me Gandalf? Listen, I need you to understand this is not acceptable. What's happening right now? I'm keeping myself level. I'm doing this for you, Kev. I'm about to go into conniptions. This is unacceptable. Please tell me we're fucking getting out of here. Thank you so much. Let's go. There's like fucking horses in here. Gandalf, they tried to speak to me. How dare they? He's trying to get out of there so fast. This is the Gandalf. This is Shadow Facts. Like fuck. Oh my god. Mountain Jesus. They were like bring it back. Bring it back. We wanted to make fun of him. He was such a faggot. Things he's so much better than us. With like a lisp like My name is Thaddle Facts. I'm one of the horses. You guys have to bow. Bow. Heracles like I'll take care of it. They just boots him with the fucking back legs. He flings across the room. He suplexes the horse. On the fuck down there, Carl. Just kicks him in the face, snaps his spine. And there he's gone. Heracles fought bravely. Dude, there's a scene in John Wick 3 where he uses a hook to kill. I haven't seen it yet. I haven't seen it yet. It was fun, but it was dumb. You describe in the second one. Like I told you, I don't even remember a single thing that happened in the second. Bring his perpetually salty that I didn't like that film. Listen, the pigeon lord Lawrence Fishburne. Oh, God. Stop, stop. He's not happy with your commentary. Fuck it. When he's like, I will give you seven bullets. Me and Alex are like, why? You've got really fancy lamps. Oh, yeah. They're awesome. I want them. You stink of horse. One of the Duna Dine Rangers, I thought. You pronounce it the same way Grima Wim tongue does. What a villain. He bore a strange ring. One devouring the other crowned with golden flowers. I love that. I love that not only did he real like get such a good look at the ring that he was able to perfectly describe it, but he's got a book that has this thing. Let me call a buddy of mine. He's an expert in Lascawn during the years. Let me get my two seven ring book. Yes. I'm ready. Bring my horse. Bring my horse. Sorry, sir, just for clarification. Can you say that one more time? Just just so we're clear because it's a very important distinction. I know that basically just halterian. If they didn't like, no, they are one in the same. Like, I know Grima was mostly bad for you, but he actually freed all of your horse. He's like, oh. SJW Boban since Lord of the Rings are two towers. The suspicious amount of women in this scene are playing. Women did not use swords. They were unable to. A shield maiden of Rohan. You are a maiden, right? I do not think so. Has anyone soiled your flower? Are you unspoiled? Shall I take you to the Black Tower of Isengard? Oh, God, the flower thing. He just reminded me of all the really awkward sex scenes in the Game of Thrones books. Isn't the most awkward sex scene from a book, though, the one in it? Oh, God, that's not just awkward. It's just perverse and disgusting. Why do you write that? That was during the cocaine years. For everyone to understand, that still doesn't explain it. I would argue what's worse, the fact that he was coked out of his mind and wrote it, or the fact that someone sober kept it in. I would argue the latter is worse. Like, that made it through sober Stephen King at some point, right? And his publisher. They will have women and children with them. Children? Can you imagine what the direction must have been like? Andy, we need you to, like, roll around in the river and chase after a CGI fish. It's not going in the movie. I just want to see what I can make you do. I'm going to stretch your Lord the Rings knowledge. You know who the boss of the wogs is. His name? No, because it's never spoken in the movies and I haven't played the games. Yeah, it's all over the games, actually. He's like a consistent boss, shaku. Not as cool as Lertz. I like that Lertz isn't even in the books and people, like, recognize him as one of the best villains in the series. He doesn't even have a line aside from Saruman. But he's so cool. I know he's cool. His name's not in the movie. The only reason I know about it is because of people talking about it in YouTube videos. I was like, oh, that's his name. What about Gothmog? Is that said in the movies? Not that I remember. I think you were the one that told me his name was Gothmog. No weird how that works. Like, you can learn so much lore by accident because they don't make those names up. They have to go get them from, you know, sources or whatever. How do I get their names? Pull them out of the ground. I'm sure Saruman names each an individual one. At the christening. He has a graduation ceremony. You will be Lertz. You will be Franklin. He's like, can I have the name? Once you get a thousand down the line, you're like, Frank, you are Franklin. I mean, imagine how difficult it must have been for Tolkien to create all this shit. Like, how do you come up with the planes of Gorgoroth or the Numenorians? Rohan? Minas Tirith? Minas Morgul? At some point you just throw a bunch of letters together and over and over again and like a jumbler. And you're like, oh, Tirith. That's on dumb. Minas. That could have been it. We could have believed it. Tinas Mirith. I mean, we wouldn't know any different. George, I'm looking forward to Helms Deep right now. And you know what I want to reference when we get there. Man, a lot of people tried comparing disease in a battle of the bastards to the battle of the Palinor Fields. And it's like, no, no, don't compare them. I like Balabasters, but that fight is pretty dumb too. Yeah, I like it too. But God, even if it was smart, it doesn't beat Palinor Fields. Nothing beats Palinor Fields. Palinor Fields' scale is huge. I just love that shot where you see them like slowly coming over the rock. Since it's like, oh God, they're here. And Smeagol was like, they fucked him up. Quick, take his wallet. And the dwarfs just spring out of holes in the ground. I haven't seen my niece smile for a long time. How would you know? She was a girl when they brought her father back. Yeah, it's been a while. She watched her mother succumb to grief. Aragul's like, do you have to be a dourna, dude? You're just watching Gilly fall off his horse, man. And now here you are talking about dead people. He's like, I get it, your son died. But that was like yesterday. You gotta get over it, man. Oh, this is the crappy porridge shit. I mean, people argue that this is like sexist or something. What, that the woman can't cook? Yeah. Isn't that the opposite? It's like women shouldn't be in the kitchen. Apparently people argued that this is intensely sexist. And it's like, oh, it's not. Swallow it, Aragul, swallow it. Swallow. Spit, don't swallow it. You gotta wonder, like, what did she do? If it's like, tastes healthy. It's good. My uncle told me a strange thing. It's like vinegar's hands. I could just feel the nutrition sliding down my throat. I probably won't have to eat for another week. Or poop for another week. I think he's going to be shitting for quite a while. If he's just like super honest, he's like, are you trying to kill me? She says, doonadine too, see. Right, you got Grima Wimtong and the woman who can't cook on your team now. I'm sorry. Please eat. No. He's got to smoke himself into a stupor later to wash the taste out of his mouth. He's a Gandalf, like, snatching it off. He's like, that's my dick. Hello, Gandalf. I need the heavy shit. I gotta forget that. I like that Vegan of Mortensen's aged about 600 years since this movie. I mean, he was already getting up there for this movie, right? Was he like in his late 40s? He's older now than Ian McKellen was when they started filming this. Man, wow. Which is funny because he's aged a lot better than Ian McKellen, but you compare him to this and he looks really, really old. What does she know about his comment about, what do your elf eyes see? She'd have to sit down and be like, all right, Aragorn. What do you mean by elf eyes? Do you not like the size of my eyes? He's like, are you jealous that elves, on average, are 10 IQ points higher than men? Is that it? It's kind of weird how the orcs look like a cross between like bears and lions in this. They're like hyena lion bears. Yeah. But in the hobbit, they're just straight up really big wolves. You're right. More like giant hyena bears. Oh man, that was the guy who let Gandalf keep his staff. He just screams we're under attack and everyone panics. What is this Aragorn? He's like a dwarf, a large dwarf. A suspiciously large amount of dwarves. I can fight. No. You fight as well as you cook. Ah yes, with physics no longer works. Oh yeah. What? Yeah, that's all. No. I would not want to be a horse in this scenario. Oh man, that was so hit. That works self-preservation instinct really did not kick in. He's like, oh fuck a cliff. So what if he was just on one of those stones like, hey. You guys like a rope. Dude, fuck you. We got places to be. When they have seen it from up on that hill. Everyone's like speeding off is like, you know, that's like fucking two miles, right? That's slow to fuck down. Yeah. You still got a log ass way to go, man. I know I told baller this, but regs, did you know that there was actually like a delete scene where there was supposed to be orcs down in the caves that shows a when battling them? I didn't know there was a deleted scene for that. The scene wasn't like put together or anything. There's just a few shots showing like the beginning stages of it. And they didn't really do anything with it. I would have been fine with that. That would have been cool to see. It would have been an SJW moment. It was suspiciously too many women in these caves. It's like, I'm sorry. How many women? They're littering caves, too. Of course they are. So few of you have returned. Yeah, we had like a fucking battle. He's like, all right, don't rub it in, Jesus. Like, you know, they're on like big fucking hyena bears, right? You want to fight one? You don't find one. That's fucking hard. Where is he? He fell. Yeah. He said his stomach was bothering him right before the battle. Maybe that was it. They say it's explosive diarrhea. Yeah, his ass just exploded in the middle of the battle. And that was the end of it. Luckily he was on the enemy lines when this happened. He took a few works done with him. Don't worry. In the meantime, let's weaponize your stew. They fill like the swamp part of this with it. What kind of device could bring down? Dude. Can you imagine if he just lit it up and then... The return of the king. All that just explodes. Fuck. Yeah, it just cuts to the outside. They wash it, blow up, and then fall down and all the orcs are like, What the hell? What do we do now? This part's fucking awesome. Yeah. I like that he's still holding his candle. Yeah. It went out too. Yeah, Grimoire was apparently unaware of that. Grimoire, what did you expect was going to happen when you told Saruman the plan to get in? I wonder if they're blindfolded. They can't be afraid of the Rohan soldiers, and they can't see them. One of the most common fears that humans have is based after the idea of not being able to see. With fear of being afraid of the dark? I guess you just kind of forgot that. That horse is like, hey, it looks like when he's back on them and you're always awake and you're like, I mean, nay. I was in mortal engines. Oh, no. Yep. Man, he even looked good dead. They had to fucking make that. I assume so. That might be CGI, but I mean, fuck. The fact that we can't tell is kind of like... Then again, there's the Lord of the Rings, and you're like, they might have fucking made that. Yeah, I just like the idea that... 12 seconds. Every time they were presented with two options and one of them took more like, you know, tie, but F and Tal and Pia Jackson was just like that one. Kind of makes sense that she, like, she loses everything. She just walks down and ends up outside of Mordor. That's some kind of comment about her being a woman. She doesn't know what to do without a man. Is that it, Wolf? Yes. Fucking it. I'm just saying women are useless. Oh, shit. I thought you were saying something sexist. No, anyone can cook. Only in your subjective, objective opinion. Hey, they can't be afraid. Wait. Yeah. Fearless. You just made hobbits fearless. It is permanent. If you take it off, they've still gained fearlessness from the experience. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. They're just passing around the little person. It's like hot potatoes. It was moving someone like, Farmi, what the fuck? Why did you just pick up two random kids? What is this? Why'd you bl- Oh, God, Farmi, what are you doing? I'm not keeping giant midgets. I can't get over that. There's also a giant midget in this movie. It's like, how could you have said that lie? I cannot wait to have the EFAP, like, highlights where I take all of the best ever moments and you just combine them all in a row. Patrick Willems said his bullshit about the fucking milking thing. That bit. Like, there's just so many of the best moments of all the Tizmy people we've come in. Dead. How? It's one of his companions. I'd hoped you would tell me. If something has happened to Boromir, we would have you tell us. Oh, he's dead, so. That was an interesting dialogue. He basically just said, you're gonna tell me because I don't know. And then he was like, you're gonna tell me because I don't know. Okay. There's also that line in Return of the King where Gandalf's like, Lord Sauron has yet to unveil his greatest weapon. You met him before. And it's like, Gandalf might want to rephrase that. Yeah, Pippin's like, so I have met him before? So he's been unveiled then. He hasn't put on his cool mask. Like, oh, okay. Which, by the way, fuck me, is that a cool mask for Witch King? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I always felt more sympathetic for Boromir after these scenes as well, because he's so loved and leadery and courageous. Then he enters the fellowship and he's kind of the asshole. Which, from his perspective, is probably like, I'm not supposed to be the asshole. Plus, he's also really nice to Faramir when Denathor isn't. I fucking hate Denathor. He's such a shitty person. Oh, man. When he sends Faramir off, I remember just being like, yep, you need to die horribly now. And luckily he does die. Preferably by fire and gravity. And this scene is so good for Boromir, but I can see why they cut it because it doesn't do of anything going forward really. Yeah. That's why people always say watch the extended editions. And unlike other extended editions, like the BVS extended edition that adds nothing of value and makes the movie yours. These are really only cut because the movies are so long that they wouldn't work in theaters otherwise. A chance for Faramir, captain of Gondor, to show his quality. I trust this mission only to your brother. The one who will not fail me. Then he proceeds to fail you. Then he's accepted. You know what's cool? What if Faramir moves as in the third age when he fights to do his Faramir's quality? Oh, that's great. That's a great touch. I think he gives a buff to the whole team. It's like a defensive thing. You made that up. I thought this was just a weird outpost that we passed through. Damn. It would have been really brutal if they just peppered it with fucking arrows here. How different would the story of Ben if he did die here? And Faramir lets them go for it. And he happens to know how to get into Mordor with you. I like how Gollum's like, hey, I'm the one that usually tricks people. What's going on? Faramir's like, what the shit is happening? It's this guy like possessed. You're a really funny way for that to end with a bit of slap. He's like... Shut the fuck up. Fuck up. God damn. Fuck, man. Kind of baffles me when I went to go see Endgame. Like, I wonder if the theater came in. And he was like, all right, guys, this is gonna be three hours and there's no breaks. And it's like, I'm watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy extended. It's like, well, you're like, do you know who I am? He's like, what do you mean? I run a podcast where we don't have breaks for like eight hours. By the way, Aragorn is right next to him. He's now going to buy horseback, get to Helm's Deep, possibly like a good half day before they do. Then you have Game of Thrones Season 8 that has Ayer and the Hound leaving in the morning and then Jon's army marching in the afternoon early night and yet Ayer and the Hound arrive after them. Like... I'm pretty sure Jon and everyone else was marching too, so... It's just like, none of... Everything is wrong and you think to yourself like, can't you even get these things right? Like the really easy things and now we get to see how much they care about each other. My arm fucking hurts. Okay. Can you see in my arm, dude? It's starting to rot off. She brings over more soup. He's like, no. He pours it on his wound and it starts to... Corturizes it. They make 10,000 Urukai seem terrifying in this while... Do you remember 20,000 Golden Company at the front of the King's landing gate? Bullshit. 20? Bullshit. It was like a thousand at most. I don't even think it was that much and they all died immediately. Yeah. One blast from fire and they were all dead. It's fucking useless. I really hate it when they just spout lofty numbers and then they don't commit to them. Remember Euron said I have a thousand ships in my fleet. He says it twice in season eight. He's got like 50. Yeah. The elf thing is the only thing out of all three of these don't like. They, first off, weren't in the book. They kill a character that didn't die in the book and on top of that they didn't add anything like they didn't do anything that they couldn't do themselves and they all die and they're all forgotten. They also provided a lot of archers. It doesn't really change anything that wouldn't happen if they didn't show up anyway. They could just have all of them archers. Yeah. I mean it's not really a problem. It's just a kind of silly thing. Like why include them if they're not going to do anything with them. They're all going to die and be forgotten. The battle's done. And even that's just small thing in the long run. They love you. Yeah. I mean we're like friends, you know, but I've only known him for like a week or two. I have a beer with this guy. He's like, hey. Hey, what up? I just imagined what a new card game is called Solitaire. You have to see. Oh sweet. Jeff just came out with a new card game. I got to go. I'll catch you later. Look at them. They're frightened. Well, like, maybe you should keep your voice down a little. They're all the darker dire. And I shall die as one of them. Everyone's like, what do you mean? We're going to win right now. You're King Theodon. Do you trust your King? Not when you're talking like this. I'm pretty sure there's a there's a supercut where it's like a horror movie trailer or a lot of the rigs like Theodon's losing his mind. That is no orc horn. He goes outside. It's just an army of orcs. He's like, oh, maybe they added this because they had that part. I was going to say our winner talking about oh, there's no help. Dude, is it because they don't save enough of a purpose that it annoys you off? They're not nothing to do with why they're here or how they're here. There's enough room where you can be like, okay, maybe someone could have sent word either Gandalf or somebody else. It's just that they don't add anything. So it's like, well, why even keep them? Personally, I'm okay with them all mostly dying to save Helms Deep. The part that I do actually agree is kind of a problem is I don't believe anyone ever mentions their sacrifice. Yeah, they don't add anything meaningful to the battle and they are completely forgotten after it's done. So it's like, well, if you took what have changed, you could have picked a better spot. I just think you could see them going all the way back the trail and then that director was like, it's, it's scarier when you can't see anything. I don't know what they're doing behind the castle wall. Shouldn't they be outside in front of the trench with the trebuchets? I love that the rain on the helmet sounds just so good. Yeah, I'm sorry. It kind of broke my mission. Like, why aren't they bringing their back to the Urakai bent over? Well, you know, they do like to spoil their enemies. Shall I describe it to you or would you like me to find you a box? That reaction makes it. Don't fuck this up, Oldman. Nice shot, though. Yeah, that was a hell of a shot. Hey, look, it didn't puncture the armor. He hit it in the neck. In the neck, yeah. Yeah, I guess a complaint I'd have is that they wait way too long just been shooting it. I don't know why they wouldn't just be constant. Oh yeah, there wouldn't be volleys at this point. They'd just be fast as you guys can shoot. Just keep going. Oh, this is so cool. This shot right here. It's awesome. All the Berserkers are at the top of them. Berserkers in all of the games were so fucking hard to beat. I was sure that must have been a movie invention, but that actually was in the books where they're keeping score of how many kills they have. Yeah, I would not feel safe climbing the ladder. I feel like I'm going to knock this shit down. We never say anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say. Jack St. would hate this guy. Dude, trivia is the quintessential long man bed. Yeah. Is this all you can conjure Saruman? Have you heard the criticism that they should have done this way earlier? Yeah, probably should have. I'd happily assume that they were trying to get these explosives in safely from the back like they wouldn't have them frontline. Oh yeah, absolutely. You're invaluable. Yeah, that makes sense. I would assume that they would have the guy with the shop a little close. And if he died, they'd just send another. That's the thing. I've never taken that drama seriously when they're like, damn it, if Legolas only killed him, it's like, it wouldn't make a difference. Someone else would just pick it up. You know, they got a lot of torches there. What if you got impaled on one of those pikes? Right up his crotch. Oof. Fucking hell. Thank you, sir. I've disarmed him. Riga Mortis is set in. He's not let go of my throat. Don't tell the elf. What if he didn't throw him far enough? He just smashed into the bridge and fell. Yeah, like it's safe to assume those kinds of things take time for the Uracata set up. Yeah. Get to the frontline. I really want to know how many died from this. It looks like he got fucking 30 kills or at least. Gimli's gonna be upset. Gimli wins, though, by one. I thought that the competition ended with Legolas shooting the guy who's twitching or whatever. Yeah, but then he like moved his axe and he was like, he's twitching. I got my axe back and I was nervous. Yeah, so it's it's unconfirmed who really won. I vote Gimli. I vote Muba Kill Cowards more than one. He wins for this movie. He doesn't win for the next. It always freaks me out how close the Uracata are in this shot. Yeah. Yeah, they're right there. Like I love that pan. They're pouring in and they're on the staircase that Aragorn and Legolas are heading towards. The reason I don't mind the scouring of the Shire not being in the third movie is because this shit like that with Mary and Pippin and their development with the Ents and then what happens with Sam and Frodo here because they still ultimately learn the same lessons and have the same develop. Just cut that scene for more theatrical. What was the lesson of the scouring of the Shire? Mostly like finding their freedom and sanctity of which I feel like they were able to perfectly convey with the changes that they made while allowing for ending that would fit cinema better. I'd have more of a problem if they didn't learn the same shit but they still get the same thing out of it without having done it. I remember still making the argument that I think it was important to keep it because it was supposed to be thematically relevant that the hardships are not over just because they beat Sauron. Oh yeah. I think they were able to explore that a bit with his PTSD. Hmm. I understand why they made the change because to fit for a movie you can't make a movie the same way that you make a book especially one is filled with subtext as rings. The only problem with Mary and Pippin is like they do get the same thing out of it with the Ents but it's unfortunately at the cost of the Ents kinda looking like idiots. You win some, you lose some. So they're not objectively perfect movies. They're for something they were perfect. They were absolutely flawless in every single way possible. I remember you said that. Yeah. I pointed out flaws as we were watching it. Yeah. Suddenly a narrative change. I think you just agreed with ours so you could fit in with your friends. There's like how much he's the only good looking Ents. The rest of them look like Tiswas fuck. Like why don't they just use guns? Oh yeah. I always found that the fact that there's a way out of the Aves was like they should totally have started taking that route even where the fight started. But then you could just go with the wall. Yeah. I can understand them not going at first. Dude I was like we'll definitely not lose Helmsdeep. Well once the wall explodes he should have been like maybe we should make him go. I am concerned. Let's make a neat and orderly line towards the back of the games. Imagine trying to be that guy to organize it's like everyone we're leaving. Please guys follow, follow. We have signage and appropriate areas for your viewing. It doesn't mean that we're losing. This is just a corporate thing. It's out of my hands. A part of it does make sense because David is kind of shown to be pretty full of himself in this game. Yeah like I said I think he's undefeatable or undefeatable. Yeah it would be undefeatable. This is his second wind. Rich Evans is undefeatable. This is kind of a silly thing because then you gotta be like where the horses come from? Well they they kept the horses in the back. Also what the fuck is Gimli gonna do when they all go into that room and then when he comes down he's like hey. He's gonna blow the horn till he's dead dude. It's working guys just as soon as we get to the end of this bridge though I'm considered and I've always been sympathetic with Saruman here as if he didn't know much about the trees and he's just like beyond fucking confused as to what's happening here. Like okay when they come from why are they doing this what are they? He wakes up one morning looks out his window and he's like fuck are their trees killing all my people. This is like this is the most bizarre fucking event. Dude I think he might have like opened his mouth closed and gone back inside and went up to Griman but like okay what's happening. He like slaps himself a few times. It seems that the trees are attacking us. They're led by two hobbits. Just the idea that their report to him is like so we've lost our entire orbit and he's just like ow. You know in the video game you get up to there and there's a tree trying to open the dam but orcs are firing arrows at him and he's going and you have to kill the orcs to let him open the dam and it's just funny because of how quickly he does it in the movie I'm just like why does he need anyone's help. Saruman sees that he's like you've got to be fucking kidding me. Just flies away on an eagle like I was just doing different things somewhere else. Everyone always finds that funny isn't it. Yeah it makes sense to me. That's what I've been doing. Dude imagine working down there like oh what what. What the fuck is like is it raining today? Oh shit. Just goes full tights hammock on everybody. Oh you don't want to be on that thing. It's so great. Everyone's like old non and scrambling. Yeah I was going to say that looked really good. I'm not even sure how. Yeah so much work was put into the little guys running away. Just because like could you could you cut me out of this like ever. Without the scouring of the shire it is kind of weird to think that a lot of those hobbits have no idea any of it happened. Reminds me of the fucking maesters in Game of Thrones. But it does kind of go along with the idea like they come back everything's normal and they're they're changed. Went through yeah. Yeah it goes along with the world building like most people don't even know that hobbit. Yeah the insts don't even know about hobbits and they've been around for how long? A billion years. Random review for the new X-Men by some guy like you know professional reviewer person. It says it's B-movie bad intimately hilarious if only someone had told the filmmakers. He was twitching cause he's got my axe embedded in his nemeson. Grima's like I just woke up I love the idea that Saruman has continuously been moving from one side of his little balcony to the other just looking shocked like I would not want to eat anything floating in that water. Yeah that's like orc piss water. He grabs a chicken turkey. It's like I get that you like to eat but Jesus Christ the weed. I'm surprised this looks this way considering orcs had control over this area. Maybe it was Saruman's private stash his alchemy stockpile if you get one. In fairness he did have those human people with him. I smell some dink weed in there. I can smell my brother. Would have been kind of weird slash neat if Farimi was like this is the most important mission that is happening right now I'll go with you. If he and Sam assaulted Kyrithon together. If he and Sam assaulted Gollum together regularly. Oh my God Farimi puts his hand over Gollum's mouth and Sam just beats I'll throw to sleep. How come you always wake up how come every time I wake up you're crying Gollum. They just stay like glared and he's like no reason. My God this is really all our hopes now lie with two little hobbits. They did like what? Like metaphorically right our hopes are like little hobbits crossing over the mountains like you gave them the ring. He's probably already gone you asshole. We've left out one of the chief characters Samwise the brave I want to hear more about Sam. Sam the brave strongly beats meagol. Reggae. I was being serious so was I. It's so gay. Just admit it already. Call me Samwise the brave Samwise. I'm sure after they filmed this Peter was like you're suspiciously good at this. Everyone gives Heath Ledger the credit for playing the insane person but Andy Serkis did it play before he did. That's what we're doing.